Rejection & How To Handle It

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 “When one door closes i hope one more opens.” €lw

      I have been thinking about rejection of all kinds. There are many different forms of rejection in this life. Romantic interest, friendship/peer rejection, job applications, college/university rejections and more.  

      Rejection is something that feels very unpleasant probably to everyone it happens to no matter how big or how unimportant/small the rejection may be.

      And one incident of rejection can make a person feel low about herself/himself in many other aspects of that person’s life or self.

It’s important to keep in mind though that in many cases the rejection is not an indication that the person being rejected is somehow inadequate in some ways or “not good enough”. Not everyone will always be accepted or loved by everyone for everything, even people you think should love or accept you.

      And even in the cases where rejection may have occurred because the person is/was not the best candidate or person for something or someone, that says absolutely nothing about the worth or goodness of the person as a whole. 

      You can be a great and beautiful person but just not the best at something or the best for someone. And even if you are the best at something and would be perfect for someone or something it doesn’t mean you will be accepted for whatever it is you want to be accepted for.

      Recently I experienced rejection and that’s what got me thinking about this whole topic. I have been rejected before by peers and for jobs but this kind of rejection I experienced recently is a kind of different situation.

I was unkindly rejected by someone who was my therapist for the last few months. He had a bad attitude and somewhat bitter tone in his voice which he never had with me before.

      I currently don’t have health insurance and I go to a free mental health clinic where I am treated for depression. It is for people with low income or no income who live in the area.

The therapist I recently had is a student about to graduate. At the clinic only students can talk to patients with no insurance and after the students graduate they can only have patients with health insurance.

      Since my therapist is about to graduate in a month he won’t be able to talk to me anymore unless I receive insurance. He said a few weeks ago that he liked talking to me and wanted me to fill out an app for insurance so I can stay his patient.

I agreed but I procrastinated but still intended to make an attempt to get insurance soon.

      But a few days ago I talked to my therapist on the phone where he had a negative attitude which I soon realized was directed at me.

He said he sees I still have no insurance and even though he can still have me as a patient for another month he is making the choice to “push me off to someone else” because I did not fulfill my obligation.

I told him I can have insurance soon, possibly before he graduates.

He kept saying sarcastically that he is pushing me off to another anyway.

      I asked him if I can at least have one more session with him. He said no. He will have someone else contact me soon about getting another therapist.

      Then before we hung up he said “I kept pushing you to get your insurance and I see I got nowhere with you. Bye.”

Then he hung up. Wow. How unpleasant. He was never that rude with me before.

Even if I did not have insurance for the next few weeks after he graduated, he can still take me back if he wanted after I get it but he refused. That angry, huh?

I know I wasn’t right for putting that off but it wasn’t like I was hurting anyone or lying or anything.

      It wasn’t like I did something to him personally. It’s MY insurance. Not something I should have done for him. I don’t know why he took that so personally or whatever.

And he made it a point to get in one last sarcastic remark to me before hanging up.

I find that to be very uncalled for, for a couple of reasons.

First of all, workers anywhere working with people should not get an attitude like that with anyone especially when the customers/patients aren’t getting an attitude problem with them.

And especially when those people are suicidal mental patients! That’s kind of messed up.

I did everything I was supposed to do all along and one thing I waited a little bit longer to do provoked this kind of reaction.

      My mom said I should have got sarcastic back or something. Or at least told him about speaking to me that way.

But I’m just usually not like that.

What’s more important than seeking revenge or calling someone out on something is handling things well in my own head, in my opinion.

There’s nothing wrong with confronting someone about something, in fact, that’s usually the best way to go, but in this case I just decided not to.

I may have been wrong but I do not believe he had to react that way.

      Therapists/counselors, just like patients, are people. They feel the same emotions that patients feel. They are not robots or invincible. So when a patient leaves or does something undesirable I can understand how they themselves may feel a sense of rejection or anger or loss or grief or disappointment over the patient.

But as therapists I believe they should learn to and practice handling it in professional and healthy ways for themselves as well as the patients. There’s nothing wrong with a therapist having negative feelings about a patient or something the patient does but it should be handled well and not expressed bitterly.

  Sometimes just letting something slide is the best thing. Or talking to the person about it in a calm, civil manner.

   I also felt a sense of violation I guess you can say. Like I mentioned before, I am an “open book”. I don’t mind expressing myself to people, even negative aspects about myself. But it’s not always easy or pleasant.

     And some people it’s easier to talk to than others.

Usually I did not talk to this therapist in great depth.

Very recently I began to tell him more deeper things about me like what it feels like for me to be depressed.

So I regretted everything I told him.

First I felt guilt and later I started to feel anger.

 

      So I decided to compose a list of ways that I feel are best to handle rejection. I am surely no expert but I still have a few ideas! 🙂

 

1.) Remember, rejection happens to everyone who takes risks, interacts with people, and anyone who is simply alive. When you experience rejection of any kind it may feel very personal and lonely to you but it says nothing about who you are personally and you aren’t alone. Everyone gets rejected in some way all throughout their lives. Maybe you deserve it, maybe you don’t but you are no less of a person or no less valuable because of it.

 

2.) Don’t limit your experiences and opportunities just to avoid rejection. Your life will become/remain stagnant and dull. It’s ok to be rejected every now and then even though it feels very painful or disappointing or devastating. If you constantly try to avoid it by not doing things you want, you will never experience good things and you’ll never win.

 

3.) Don’t allow this experience to lower your self-esteem. Previous rejections never indicate future rejections or general inadequacy. And they are not a sign that you are a horrible person.

 

4.) Let your sorrow flow. It’s ok and healthy to feel sad for a while but let yourself heal and move on. Never stay stuck in this state for too long. Express it how you feel is healthy and right for you. Writing, listening to music, talking to friends, exercise, go for a walk…anything that is good for you. But don’t let it ruin your life and your happiness.

 

5.) Remember that whoever rejected you and whatever you were rejected for, you can still have a happy life without that person/thing. If you were rejected by a love interest or by a university staff or for a job you don’t need those people or things to be happy. People and things can add to or bring out your happiness but to be truly happy you have to work on your inner self. It’s ok to grieve, feel loss, disappointment and move on.

 

6.) Remember there is more than just you in an instance of rejection so don’t take it personally even when it feels personal. There is you and there is the person who rejected you. If you were rejected by a person you are romantically attracted to, there are hundreds of reasons why that person may have rejected you no matter what s/he says. Maybe the person just has no romantic attraction to you. Not everyone is attracted to everyone but it says nothing negative about the person who is not liked by the other. Maybe the person isn’t ready for a romantic relationship at this moment….

If you were rejected for a job, it doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t good enough and it definitely doesn’t indicate that you’ll never be good enough for that kind of job. Maybe there’s too many applicants and another application was in first or maybe another person has more experience or more qualifications…there are so many reasons, and a combination of things that contribute to rejection so please don’t feel that it’s all you or all your fault.

 

7.) Don’t obsess over it. Wish the best for the person. In college there were two girls I liked and wanted to be friends with. They had similar interests as me and we were part of the same organization. I’m a very shy girl but I still made attempts to express interest in them. I would sit close to them and talk to them a little bit, as much as I could for being a shy girl. I requested one as a friend on facebook and the other requested me as a friend. We did not interact much on facebook but occasionally we would comment to each other.

I started writing to them more.

But eventually both girls stopped talking to me. I would write to them and they would not write back. I even noticed when I would comment on their statuses they would “like” every comment and skip over mine and respond to everyone but mine. I know sometimes people don’t “like” or respond to the last comment on a status but even when mine wasn’t last they would skip over it and like the other ones.

Then they both removed themselves off my friends list.

Oh well, their loss! I was angry but I still wish the best for them with everything.

These are just a couple of cases where I have been rejected. There are more. 

 

8.) If there is a clear reason why you were rejected, take the constructive criticism and use it to your advantage. If you were rejected for a job for not enough experience, try to get more experience like volunteering. If a person rejected you because you were not showing much interest in that person then you can start being more conscious of how much attention you show to your friends/family.

 

9.) Try again! Still fill out job applications, look for new friends, apply to schools…

 

10.) Remember when people reject you, sometimes it’s them with the problem, not you.

 

11.) You don’t have to repress your sadness or disappointment or deny it. It’s ok to feel it, admit it, and express it. Then you can move on and find/create many more opportunities! 🙂

 

12.) Never define yourself by what others think or say about you.

 

13.) Pay close attention to the simple joys of living. The sunset, the sunrise, the moonlight, the warmth of the sun, cool summer breezes, butterflies, flowers… There’s so much to be incredibly thankful for even through sadness and pain.

 

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” ~George Eliot

 

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” ~ Milton Berle

 

“I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” ~Thomas Edison

 

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” ~Vince Lombardi

 

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ~Will Rogers

 

“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

 

“Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” ~Henry David Thoreau

 ❤

X0xo Kim

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