I love to help people whether or not I know them. I even help people I don’t like much. I don’t mind going out of my way for people even when I get nothing tangible or anything in return. I help so much that I often put my own plans and desires on hold so other people come first. This happens more often than not.
Just the feeling of helping and knowing they are happy is enough for me.
But there comes a point when people go overboard with their demands and requests. That point is when they take advantage because they see how much someone helps and never or almost never says “No”.
It’s great to sometimes put others before yourself and to say “YES!” to helping often but it’s NOT great to do this so frequently that you constantly put yourself out and are wearing yourself out to the point of physical and/or emotional exhaustion and it’s taking a toll on your body and self- esteem.
Lately I have been burdened by other people’s excessive requests for favors and demands to the extreme. People I never imagined would do this to me. Since I like these people and since I love to help people in general, I kept saying yes to their every request no matter how extreme and how frequent and how much it wore on me and put me out.
My mom was angry and said this is completely wrong of them to keep asking and me to keep saying yes. I was constantly canceling and rearranging my own plans and putting my desires and needs on hold or completely abandoning them for other people’s wishes.
To do this sometimes is good! But to do this to the point of exhaustion and especially when the person or people asking non stop are clearly taking advantage and milking you for all you got just because in their heads they “Know” you’ll say yes is just going overboard and it’s uncalled for and detrimental.
I believe it’s detrimental not only to the one doing all the excessive favors but even to those asking excessively. They need to be grounded, set-straight, “Put in their Place” if you will. They need to wake up and finally see that the world does not in fact, revolve around them and what they’re doing is wrong.
It’s just wrong to take advantage of somone’s caring and generous nature.
And on top of that I asked one of these people for one small favor which I rarely do and was told NO. So they know how to say no when they feel like.
And someone asking me constantly to put myself last has turned into a backstabber and needs to be told no once in a while.
Recently, I finally said “NO!” to someone. And my initial reaction was guilt and then regret. “I shouldn’t have said No.”. “Should I have said No?” “Why am I being Selfish?”. “This is so unlike Me.”. “I should have said Yes!”. “Maybe I should just go say Yes!” and on and on.
But my mom reminded me of all I have been doing for them. So much, my pain disorder began acting up and I still did more.
Then underneath the guilt and regret, I felt a sense of liberation and relief. It’s my obligation to take care of myself and if saying no every now and then is caring for myself then that is what I have to do.
I will continue to help people often and sometimes put my plans off or cancel them for others. But I made a vow to myself to care for me as well, not just everyone else.
I don’t like when people are disappointed or angry and I definitely do not ever want to be the source of their pain but it’s not my job to wear myself out just to please people who purposely milk me for all I’m worth and turn into backstabbers.
No one is more important than anyone. No matter what.
If you want to say NO to someone who has been taking full advantage of your generosity and caring tendencies, say it! Scream it off the rooftops! Say NO! And if you want, don’t even explain. Don’t even say sorry if you don’t feel like it. Just a big NO will do. NO!
Say YES to yourself for once. And then make a habit of it.
As the saying goes, “People will treat you how you let Them.”. Not everyone takes advantage but those who do , pick up on how you are and how you react. They see how you usually are and then they base their treatment of you on that. So stand up for yourself. You’re worth it.
“That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.”
– William J. H. Boetcker
“Perhaps the surest test of an individual’s integrity
is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect.”
– Thomas S. Monson
“Self-respect is often mistaken for arrogance
when in reality it is the opposite.
When we can recognize all our good qualities
as well as or faults with neutrality,
we can start to appreciate ourselves
as we would a dear friend
and experience the comfortable inner glow of respect.”
“Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”
Here’s to saying YES to yourself!!!
Xox0 Kim 😀