Having someone who you thought was your friend or someone who you never imagined would backstab you, do that very thing, really sucks!
There are so many negative or unpleasant emotions that accompany a betrayal. Anger, pain, sadness, depression, feelings of a shattered sense of trust, anxiety, devastation, sense of loss…
Recently I have experienced this very thing. A person I never thought would do something to cause me pain or trouble did in fact do that.
For a few days I was confused and shocked and my emotions turned to pure anger. I confronted this person in a calm and civilized manner. I am a very quiet and shy girl who is not in any way aggressive generally and often I’m not assertive when I should be.
But what I have been experiencing for the last few days motivated me to assert myself.
I got nowhere really with this person but at least I got some consolation in my own head. I spoke up. I was very calm, civilized, and firm.
But this incident did take a toll on me. I have been very angry and sad.
I am very strong, emotionally. I haven’t always been. Just a few years ago if I would have experienced this, I would have likely collapsed into despair and depression.
But after a few years of doing work on myself to strengthen myself and overcome serious depression, I am able to cope well no matter how painful this experience is for me.
Instead of sinking into despair I chose to handle this situation positively and come up with ways to help me cope with this adversity.
I chose NOT to seek revenge on this person in anyway. I am not a vengeful bitch. But I am and will remain cautious of this person.
Here are a few things I found helpful and hope they will help others who may need some healing and consolation.
1.) Let yourself grieve, feel shattered, express your emotions in a healthy, effective manner. Admit your pain. Don’t deny you are hurt. You may find an outlet in music, writing, drawing, meditating, sleeping, talking to a therapist, family member, or good friend, snuggling with a pet. Even if you tell no other person, admit your pain to yourself. Repression is not good.
2.) Remember this betrayal says nothing about your character or morals or worth. Another person hurt you, it’s not your fault. People hurt other people, even undeserving ones and those closest to them. The ones they should be loyal to. You probably feel very low. You may have thoughts that if you were somehow “better” in some way, this wouldn’t have happened. But you cannot control others. You can only work on and learn to control yourself. Someone else’s actions in no way define you.
3.) don’t dwell on the fact. It’s not good to obsess over this incident to the point it wears you out. Think about it in healthy ways and come up with ways to cope and move forward.
4.) know that it’s justified to feel angry or whatever you feel. Express your anger healthily. It’s probably best not to yell at, insult, or threaten the person. Handle this safely in your own way.
5.). Figure out if it’s worth it to you to keep this person in your life and do what you have to without guilt. Forgiving and forgetting and continuing this relationship is not a sign of weakness. This person may be important to you and maybe just made an individual mistake. It’s ok to accept an apology and move on. But it’s also ok if you feel the need to let go. Take care of yourself. If this person is taking too much of a toll on you may be you may want to consider cutting the person out if your life completely, partially, or temporarily distancing yourself emotionally or physically. Whatever you feel is best for you.
6.). Just because this person has supporters who may be against you doesn’t mean she/he is right or that you are wrong. There is always going to be someone against you for whatever reason whether it’s justified or not. Don’t let the negativity or destructive criticism of others drag or keep you down. take care of yourself.
7.) focus on yourself. Make a plan for yourself. Focus on your goals and your own personal development. Find strength in this chaotic situation. Better yourself.
8.) don’t stop trusting! There are still good people out there. Friends and potential friends who will never betray or intentionally or carelessly hurt you. Don’t let this person’s/people negative behavior taint or destroy your general trust.
9.) Let the pain make you better not bitter!
May you find hope, comfort, joy, laughter, happiness, and healing. You can be strong. This heartbreak CAN heal!
“Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll get your second wind
It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright, though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)” Billy Joel
This is a pic my sister took of me yesterday. I can’t remember why I was doing what I’m doing in this picture but it makes me laugh a lot! My sister said it looks like I’m saying “Come at me, come at me!” as if to tempt someone to tread on me so I can pounce on that person! Lol. And I think that’s a perfect attitude to have about negative situations(not people though!!) ! Throw it all on me and i’ll come back even stronger! So yeah! Lol
Love & blessings to you!