You know those questions, the ones you ask yourself when you mess up or feel low about yourself? The ones which make you feel even more low?? They sound something like this:
1.) How can I be so stupid?!
2.) How could have I done such a thing?!
3.) Am I the biggest asshole Or what?
4.) Can I be anymore of a fuck up?
5.) What is WRONG with me?!
6.) Can I ever do anything right?!
7.) How could I have let this happen.
And then there’s the self-abusive/hopeless statements:
1.) what an asshole I am.
2.) I am the biggest loser.
3.) how stupid I am!
4.) I can’t do anything right.
5.) I’m so fat.
6.) i’ll never amount to anything.
7.) nothing will ever get better.
Those negative questions and statements serve no purpose but to perpetuate your negative energy and your low moods.
Instead of giving into that kind of self talk you may want to try this instead: take those questions and statements and put a positive spin on them.
For example. Take question #1 which is “How can I be so stupid?!” and transform it to:
“What can I do in the future to try to prevent this mistake I made now?”. Everyone makes mistakes, misunderstands things, is unaware of certain things, and does something wrong every now and then. Try to recognize what you may have missed or done wrong. You won’t always be able to prevent it again though. You will always occasionally make mistakes, some even more than once, maybe even again and again. And that’s ok. You are a human after all.
Go easy on yourself. Messing up doesn’t indicate that you are unintelligent.
Let’s take #2 “How could I have done such a thing?!”. Let’s transform that to:
“I made a mistake or have done something I’m not proud of. It says nothing of my worth or my overall intelligence or ability to make decisions.”.
Just because you occasionally do something “stupid ” doesn’t mean you, the person, is stupid. Just because you “fail” once in a while doesn’t make you a failure as a person.
And instead of seeing it as “failing”, you can even take this message:
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ” ~Thomas A. Edison
You are experimenting and learning.
Instead of “I can’t do anything right” try something like “this did not turn out how I wanted but I can learn what to do/what not to do in the future. “
Ask yourself why you did what you did, how you can act differently in the future. Replace words like “loser “, “asshole”, “fail” or “failure ” with more positive loving words. You are a person who has made a mistake, tried and things did not go as expected or planned. You are alive and so have the opportunity to try and try again and WIN.
Also, when things are going your way and you are happy and inspired and joyous, it can help you to take note of it, examine it and see why you are feeling amazing. If you can pinpoint the things and thoughts and actions that are contributing to those wonderfully positive feelings, you can make a habit of doing and thinking those things regularly so you generally feel more positive.
If you are generally a happy, relaxed, joyful person then keep on doing what you’re doing! Think good things about yourself and others. Continue to care for yourself.
Rest. Sleep. Meditate. Splurge once in a while. Cut negative people out of your life.
If you catch yourself having too many negative moods or feelings lately, stop and see if you can determine why. Everyone, no matter how healthy and happy is going to experience low moods and feelings once in a while. That’s ok. But when they start becoming frequent and crashing in on you, take note of it.
Has something changed recently?
Are you getting less sleep for some reason?
Having difficulty in some relationship of yours?
Is the way you view an unpleasant experience contributing to your low feelings.
If you are generally not very happy, are very stressed, anxious, or depressed, there are things you can do to elevate and maintain a general sense of well-being.
Even if you’re generally unhappy or sluggish there may still be more seldom moments in your life where you have felt much better, happier, energized, and joy filled.
Sometimes you won’t know why you’re feeling low or why you’re feeling happy. Moods fluctuate often without a known reason.
But see if you can become aware of why you feel the way you do.
If meditating, resting, countering negative thoughts, caring for yourself, eating healthier…makes you feel happier and uplifts you, make those things routine. Do them everyday. Incorporate them into your schedule.
You’re worth it! 😀