” For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
Ivan Panin .” I read this:
And it reminds me of a topic I have previously thought about: giving without any underlying agenda or expectations.
I receive many, many messages on Facebook. I keep my Facebook page public and add strangers when they seem kind and friendly or we have similar interests….
Many messages I receive are very sweet and friendly, others are creepy & perverted, much of it is spam messages, invitations for things, advertisements….
I don’t always check my inbox messages on Facebook & I NEVER delete any. Ever. And it seems that Facebook inbox messages never go away themselves so I have messages that I had since 2005 in my inbox. With thousands of Facebook friends, I get many notifications, some are just notifying me that people commented on someone ‘s picture or status that I previously commented on.
I don’t always go through every notification that pops up on my phone. Sometimes I check my phone and it says “77 notifications!”. I click the message and it goes away. So I tend to miss some messages that people comment to
me. When I see a sweet message written to me, I am likely to respond. Sometimes I intend to respond later & forget that I never did, not trying to be rude or arrogant at all.
Anyway, every now & then I receive a rude/angry comment by someone who has written to me previously and I failed to respond.
This happened recently.
I completely understand how people want someone to respond to them when they write a kind message to that person. I see nothing wrong with hoping for a response and even being disappointed if the person doesn’t write back.
But when someone writes a compliment to someone and doesn’t get a response back for the compliment and therefore gets angry at the person for not responding to the compliment & writes again demanding a response, in my opinion, it shows that the person who wrote the compliment wasn’t being completely selfless & maybe had an underlying expectation or agenda. If you’re being purely selfless & compliment a stranger you come across online, you may hope for a response but you likely won’t get furious and send rude follow up messages if you don’t get one.
When people do that, it’s as if they want appreciation for their appreciation and that’s really why they sent the compliment and not out of pure selflessness to compliment a person they like.
Someone recently sent me a Facebook message and I opened it and it is by a person I don’t know angrily asking me to take him off my friends list. And saying I don’t care about him and what’s wrong with me and things like that. I was confused until I saw that he previously wrote me a message complimenting my body. It’s not a completely vulgar message like some I receive but it’s not a very sweet message either. But I guess he thought he was being kind. And I missed it.
This isn’t the first angry person who wrote to me thinking I intentionally ignored his compliment. He said he’s sorry he complimented me and regrets it.
Some messages I saw many months after a person wrote to me and I responded very late and they even wrote rude messages back to me about me taking so long to respond.
I don’t like offending people and if I ever do, it’s usually not intentional.
But if he was genuinely complimenting me for me and not to get a sweet response in return, he probably wouldn’t be regretting writing to me. He may be sad, disappointed, maybe even devastated if he’s really sensitive or really likes me but I don’t think he would be sending angry messages to me for not writing back.
I have also seen comments like that on people’s blogs. When someone neglected to respond to a compliment, the person who complimented got angry then started slinging insults at the person for not writing back.
I write comments to strangers a lot on blogs & Facebook. Some are long & in depth, some are brief, most of them are compliments expressing appreciation & gratitude for the impact that the person has on people.
The more open someone is and the more receptive someone seems, the more likely I am to write to that person.
Many people respond to me & some never do. Some, I even see responding to others and not me. But I never regret complimenting that person and don’t wish to take back what I wrote. The fact that the person doesn’t respond to me won’t lessen the positive impact the person has on me or lessen my gratitude & appreciation for that person’s life. I’m still blessed.
Not all people I like/love & appreciate have to appreciate or love me back. Not everyone will appreciate my appreciation. It’s ok.
First of all, you can’t really know for sure why someone isn’t responding. There may be a chance the person missed your comment or had every intention to write back but never got around to it. Or maybe the person really doesn’t appreciate your kindness or is actually being rude. I think that’s ok. It’s not pleasant but it happens. Even the kindest, sweetest person can be rude or uncaring sometimes.
I think it would be great for us all to try to be more selfless & do things for people, even strangers, with no expectations for something Tangible In return and no expectations or demands for a response or payback.
If you see a person online you genuinely appreciate, maybe a writer/blogger, or just a very sweet person how about taking the chance and complimenting the person without demanding a response? I’m very shy but not as shy as I used to be. I used to hardly ever even comment on people’s Facebook statuses because I was so shy. Now I’m often still shy to send e-mails & inbox messages to people I don’t know or don’t know well but I do write blog comments much more & public Facebook messages to people. Some days I’m more shy than others & some moments I get more courage. Lol
Someone on Facebook recently told me to “save my heart for someone who cares” but I decided against that. I’m not going to hold back. I’m going to give & love and give & love some more even if people don’t care. I’m going to love people, animals, life itself…. I’m going to love in general. Love is my way of being. My way of living. Rejection, being ignored, being the target of cruelty or indifference, being ridiculed & abandoned hurts but it won’t stop me. My love is stronger.
Of course we want people we really like to like us back. It’s good to want people to like us and to be affected by others & the world around us. If we put up walls to keep people out and repress our desire to fit in with people, our relationships with other people & the world won’t be as deep. Even unpleasant emotions and painful feelings are ok. We can accept them and move forward.
“Pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return.”~Peace Pilgrim
“True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return.”