“Well, I found you
Maybe you can help me
And I can help you” ~ Frank Black
I woke up with the absolute WORST headache today! I woke up with it throbbing violently. It’s not the kind that feels like a cluster headache (those are the very worst) but feels like a bad migraine headache, which is also very bad. It’s like a living hell today. Eww! This pain is disgusting, it just throbs and aches and pulses in certain places escalating on and off all in the back, around the eyes…
For a while I couldn’t even listen to music, the sound even of low, slow, soft songs, was too much, just pounding into my head and made the throbbing worse. I thought it would make it better! Even the gentle soft notes felt shrill and rough against my head. I had to lay in bed with my dogs for a while, covering my eyes to block out any light.
My dog, Emmy, he’s so adorable, he knew something was wrong with me and he kept putting his paw lightly on my face and licking my eyes! What a sweet boy! And he has a skin allergy he gets in Summer & the beginning of Fall but he was still more concerned about my pain. ❤ He knows when I'm depressed or lonely too and he tries to nurse me back to health.
This is him:
Isn’t he cute?!?! He’s a purebred pompom.
Laying down made it worse sometimes but I also couldn’t stand or sit up so had to lay a certain way. I felt as if there was no way out, nowhere to go, nothing to do. It’s not the kind that contributes to me feeling the urge to scream or run or panic or like I’m going literally insane but I felt so trapped and it was hard to remain still but also to pace.
I had to work tonight and only one person works each shift so it’s not always easy to get off at the last minute. My mom suggested I try to find a coworker to work for me and stay home.
But I decided to go. I don’t really like annoying people at the last minute and also I thought maybe it would be helpful to not give in to the pain and just do what I always do, get up, go to work, be positive. Not ignore or deny it but not let it conquer me. It can get us to have to stay in bed or not go to work but we don’t have to let it drag us down emotionally as well. Sometimes pain or sickness is just too much and we just really cannot even stand up or do anything. For a while this is how it felt but I decided to get up and push through it. It throbbed so badly and at some points I almost felt despair. I wasn’t unhappy though, just unhappy about the headache.
My physical pain disorder can be like this sometimes. Fortunately it’s not often that I have severe flare ups this bad.
Anyway, I forced myself to get up and go to work. First I forced myself to do neck stretches and massages to try to help the pain. At first it can make it worse til it makes it better. This doesn’t always work but sometimes works wonders. Today it worked. My pain remained but not as bad. It takes courage and emotional strength to get up and move with a violently pounding head.
At one point the pain was so bad I slid to the floor with my head in my hands writhing in agony. And in the middle of all this I still found things to smile about! 😀
I remember laughing as I attempted to pick myself up off the floor. I couldn’t help but feel a bit amused.
In some ways I feel the physical pain is worse than the depression because it’s harder to handle, in my opinion. It’s louder and demands attention right then. Sometimes I cannot lay down or remain still or do much of anything but collapse and scream or pace. But in some ways physical pain can be better because with physical pain it can sometimes be easier to dissociate in a way, it can be easier to still feel like smiling and laughing. It can strengthen our will to survive while depression often saps all the desire to laugh and the will to live. Not always but often it tends to do that. Physical pain can definitely sap our will to live and desire to smile but sometimes it’s easier than with emotional pain. Physical pain and mood can be separated. But depression is a mood or mood disorder so it’s kind of more difficult. It is possible though to be positive even with depression. It can be so difficult but possible.
Also, emotional pain like depression seems threaded throughout my entire being or self or existence when I’m depressed. Physical pain related to my disorder consumes my entire existence it seems, but I often feel like it’s a thing separate than me while depression often runs deeper and feels like it is me sometimes. I’m thankful for the experience with pain. Both kinds. I feel that it deepens me and completes me and I see things in a way I would never know without it. I think I have had enough pain though in this life so it can feel free to go now! Lol ;-D I’m not depressed but last week I was able to detect an impending episode which I’m doing very well battling so it doesn’t become a full blown episode. Usually I have to battle it for weeks or months, however long the episode would have lasted, I guess.
I was disappointed that my severe pain had to flare up on a day I have work. This kind of pain only usually lasts one day. Tomorrow is my day off and I was thinking why couldn’t it have decided to attack me then instead. But I’m more on the positive side, naturally & generally. And my brain automatically thought it’s ok because then my day off will be more fun without this pain! And if it was the other way around and my pain was on a day off, I can think it’s ok because then I won’t have to work in agony. Positive thinking is so wonderful! On days when it doesn’t come as naturally, I can usually force it more easily since I’m already in the habit. No matter how positive we are naturally, we can develop an intentional habit! It makes everything so much better!
So I did come to work tonight and again there was a very happy story on the news!
I shared a little happy story a couple weeks ago about a dog and this story also involves a dog!
On the news tonight, a girl and her husband were sharing their story and love for their dog.
They were at a friend’s cabin in the woods somewhere, celebrating the man’s 30th birthday, and someone left the door open and the dog, Hank, ran away into the wilderness. They did everything they were able to do but couldn’t find Hank. Their worst fear was that Hank was eaten by a wild animal. According to the news program, according to statistics, if a pet is gone for over 30 days, that pet most likely will not be back.
Hank was missing for two months when he was found alive & well and returned to his humans!
The girl said she looked out and saw the truck pulling up to their house with Hank’s head hanging out! Lol That’s so cute! She cried tears of joy to have him back.
It’s so heartwarming to see the love they have for their furbaby. They have decorations in their house about dogs saying “All you need is love…and a dog!” and “Dogs are people too!”
I most certainly agree! ❤
I'm so happy they got their baby back alive & healthy & happy! They also have a cat and he was playing with the kitty!
They said to always have hope because you never know when something can work in our favor even when statistics are not. I don't remember their exact words but that's the sentiment. It can apply to most things, I believe.
It's good to have hope but let's remember not to let it hold us back. It's possible to obsess and overlook all that we have now, hoping for something more or better. So hope isn't always a good thing if not handled well.
We can have hope for the future but also appreciate now.
For example, it's good to have hope that my headache will go away but not good to not let myself be happy now or hold off on things until it does. I can cope with the pain and make room for it, rest when I can, but still do what I want to when I can. I wasn't going to read my book at first because I thought it wouldn't be as fun reading it with a throbbing head. Then I thought but why not anyway because it's good to make the most of the life we have right now. If reading made it worse I wouldn't but it wasn't making it worse. This moment still matters even with a splitting headache.
I'm so happy I walked into work to another happy story! Which just happens to be another story about a doggy!! ❤
Dogs really are some of the best friends we can have! I have six babies and they're just adorable!
Here are two of them!
This is Emmy
This is Woody, Emmy’s baby boy.
Emmy has two babies, a boy & a girl, Quinny.
Emmy is two years old and Woody & Quinny are one year!
They are both loving and cute and snuggly.
Woody is very playful and wild. They love bones and toys & blankies.
This is Prince Oscar. We don’t know how old he is but he’s definitely old! He’s so adorable and a big grump! He loves attention when we just wake up or walk through the door or even just down the stairs after leaving for a couple minutes! He cries until he gets petted. He also loves sweets! Sometimes I bring him an ice cream cone after work.
This is my baby, Isis Summerjo, she is eight years old but very youthful!
She loves attention and going for walks! She’s extremely gentle and loving & sweet.
This is Woody’s twin sister, Quinny. She’s so happy & loving and gently puts her paw on our hands and on the other dogs’ and cat’s faces! She’s very gentle but when we’re least expecting it, the girl jumps up and nips our noses off! She’s a wild girl!
This is Boobie. She’s the mommy and she’s thirteen years old. She’s very cute and loves her babies. She makes sure they eat first and she cleans them. She begs for food by throwing her head back and opening her mouth to show us where food goes! She doesn’t play with toys but occasionally she would bring a toy to look cute to get our food! Lol so cute!! When her puppies were born we got them a pac n play and Boobie used to throw up in it on purpose to feed her babies even though they couldn’t eat it and were being fed properly! Lol my mom & sister found it disgusting! But she was only taking care of her babies!
“I got me so down, I got me a headache
My heart is crammed in my cranium and it still knows how to pound”
I like listening to this upbeat song and I found it one day a couple years ago while searching for songs about physical pain to help me cope with my headaches when they are bad.
I hope your day/night is a good one! Much love to you!
and if you are struggling with pain of any kind, always remember,
“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale ❤