(this isn’t my picture! But sexy, isn’t it?! My mom sent me it! Lol)
Here’s a few hilarious jokes! I hope they give you some good belly laughs! ;-D
“When Grandma Goes To Court”
“Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why yes I do know you, since you were a little boy, and frankly you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes I know you.
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?
She replied, “Why yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem, He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice said:
‘If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I’ll send you straight to the electric chair.'”
“Why did you have to die?”
“A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, ‘Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?’
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, ‘My wife’s first husband.'”
“A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
Her husband asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
She replies, “It’s me…talking to the wine.”
“Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.'” The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace.'” The third Catholic woman says smugly, “My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Eminence.'” The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?” She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh my God…'”
“A woman and her husband did not get along. One day he said to her, “If it wasn’t for my money, that new television wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, that grand piano wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here.” she replied “If it wasn’t for your money, I wouldn’t be here.”
These are jokes I came across some years ago and they never get old! ;-D
And here is a funny sticker I got out of a machine last night!
(this isn’t my photo either)
Much luv to you!! 😀
Xoxo Kim ❤