A glimmer of hope <3

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(this isn’t the best picture but I love it. Today the sun was reflecting so passionately off those broken windows on that abandoned factory. I never really saw anything like that. So orange, so fierce, so bright…)

“I’ll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just can’t seem to find it.” 

This is a song I have loved for just about as long as I can remember. 

I listened to it often as a young girl and always felt I can deeply relate to it.

Like she says “no one ever cared if I should leave or die” I have felt that way for much of my life, like I have no one. Even when I was surrounded by people, friends, family….I thought they couldn’t possibly really love me.

Not only have I often felt unloved but completely unlovable. 

Even when I would meet a potential new friend or out with friends I already had, I would think “no way can this person really like me…”

She, in this song, struggles with finding a reason to live, a sense of purpose. A struggle I know all too well.

I always loved how listening to this song, her sweet, soothing voice, made it seem to me like someone understands me. Not that I want her to ever suffer but since she is, it’s good we find each other.

I remember when I was young and I told my mom I can relate to this song sung by Karen Carpenter and she said “You two are just feeling sorry for yourselves.” lol It made me laugh. 

And it kind of does sound like that, whining that no one loves us or would care if we die.

Anyway, I have always loved Karen Carpenter and I sense that she was a very broken but very beautiful person. I never knew her for real but I heard that she struggled with an eating disorder and self destructive behavior and I struggle with depression myself and can often sense it in others and I sense it in her.

But she was so strong. Very tragically, her self destructive behavior ultimately contributed to her early death.

I know she was and is still very loved by her family, friends, and many, many fans.

“There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine”

Oh, girl, I hear you! lol 😉

This song, while heartbreaking and so very sad, is also riddled with so much hope and strength.

Even through her terrible pain, her feelings of worthlessness, her suffocating loneliness, she has a spark of hope that things can get better and she goes on. And on and on.

Carrying on through all the darkness knowing that the future is uncertain for all of us, it can and probably will bring with it good and bad, blessings and tragedies, love, hope, pain, people who will love us and those who will not, breakups, losses, and new beginnings and friendships.

“Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I’ll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I’ll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
I’ve been wrong
But for now this is my song.”

“I’ll go on as best I can.”

Preach it, sister! 😀

Every word speaks to me in a deep way, the pain, the hope, the love…

This song in some way also reminds me of Billy Joel’s musical suicide note, Tomorrow is Today, which is his real life experience. 

I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that in both Karen Carpenter’s song she sings here and Billy Joel’s song, they are referring to romantic love. They seem to both have “bad luck” with it and feel like life is over. But we don’t need romantic love to be truly happy. It’s beautiful to have but it’s not the end of the world because we have been jilted (even if over & over) or can’t find a lover.
We don’t have to say goodbye to LOVE because we aren’t blessed with it in the romantic sense. Even if we don’t have good luck with platonic friendships or family love, we can still live in a world of love. Universal Love. Love as a state of BEing.
Loving life itself. And everyone we encounter, all living, sentient beings.
There are so many ways to love whether it’s a warm affection, well wishes for others, helping those in need, helping uplift and inspire others, a hug or smile, volunteer work, just BEING love…the ways to love are endless. ❤

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(this isn’t my photo)

Let's NOT say goodbye to love. Even if we aren't or don't feel loved in return. This world needs our love. It desperately needs it! 

It needs our love, Billy Joel's love, Karen Carpenter's love, and everyone else's. Love is how we stay alive long after we are gone. 

Very sadly, Karen Carpenter is gone but her love still exists here and our love for her. Luckily Billy Joel's suicide attempt did not go as planned and he's still with us putting more and more love out into the world. 
We can never love too much. ❤

I would have loved to know her and be her friend. I'm so sorry she lost the battle. I think she was recovering or mostly recovered but the physical damage was too extensive.

I hope you feel loved and feel love for others and if not, please carry on, like the song suggests, we never know what the future will bring us. It can bring with it hope, healing, love…<3

😀

Goodbye to Love – mobile

Goodbye to Love – desktop

Much love & light to you. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

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3 thoughts on “A glimmer of hope <3

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