Archive | November 2016

The Finer Things❤

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(me today! :mrgreen:❤)

“There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch of Spirit on the body.

Seawater begs the pearl
to break its shell.And the lily, how passionately
it needs some wild Darling!

At night, I open the window
and ask the moon to come
and press its face into mine.
Breathe into me.

Close the language-door,
and open the love-window.

The moon won’t use the door,
only the window.”

What a beautiful poem! I’m not sure who the author is. This is one of those writings that resonates with me in a deep way. My interpretation is that it’s about experiencing life to the fullest and not necessarily in the ways we may think living to the “fullest” means, like traveling, skydiving, mountain climbing…though those things are great! This poem seems to be about truly experiencing each moment each & every day wherever we are, whatever situation we are in, the sunrise or sunset, the moonlight, the first light, the feel of flower petals, the fragrance of Spring, the stars up above glittering in a midnight sky….all the simple treasure nature blesses us with each day & each night. ❤ We don’t need any certain level of intelligence to experience it, just the wisdom to open up to the beauty and receive it. 

I am reminded of a song. The Finer Things sung by Steve Winwood. 

“While there is time
Let’s go out and feel everything
If you hold me
I will let you into my dream
For time is a river rolling into nowhere
We must live while we can
And we’ll drink our cup of laughter”

The Finer Things – Steve Winwood – mobile

The Finer Things -desktop

“The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be”

An incredibly beautiful song!! I love it and sometimes when I’m depressed and listen to it, it brings life back into me. It’s a beautiful reminder to cherish all the treasures of life, all the beauty, the hope, the possibility, the Light. There’s so much beauty all around us that we don’t need money to experience. The cool night air, the changing of the seasons, people, animals, insects, daylight, buildings, the sounds of nature, the sounds of the city, the sweet fragrances of the seasons, the feel of soft blankets and skin, the feel of animal fur or feathers, the taste of our favorite food or drink, the sky above us, Earth below us, the heart pulsating within….❤

Each day I look around me and feel the awe well up and surge through me for the life surrounding me and the rhythm of life pounding through my chest. Often this feeling of awe comes naturally but when it doesn’t I can usually intentionally tap into that place within me, that wellspring of wonderment that always exists even when I forget that it does. 

Let’s remember to be mindful each day of the wonder all around & within and give thanks for it all! :mrgreen:❤

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! It’s a cool night here in Philadelphia! :mrgreen:

“It’s gonna be a cool night
Just let me hold you
By the firelight
If it don’t feel right
You can go” ❤

Cool Night – Paul Davis – mobile  ❤

Cool Night – desktop ❤

Much love & light,

xoxo Kim ❤:mrgreen:

 

Congratulations to me! 😀

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“Woke up this morning with a big ass headache
Y’all I ain’t kidding this son of a bitch hurts
Where the hell are my pants must be with my shirt
I still got my boots on but make no mistake
They can’t help me kick this big ass headache” 😂😭😍❤

Big Ass Headache – Justin Moore -mobile

Big Ass Headache – desktop

No, I did not get the job I been waiting for or any job! I lost my job of ten years after the store went out of business and mentioned that just over a week ago I got an interview, which I’m very thankful for! It’s always great for the experience. The job interview went well and I got to meet two adorable kitties! It’s a pet sitting\walking place and they had two really big cats there. But I never got the phone call for a second interview or any rejection e-mail or anything, which is nothing new; I’m used to that! I’m still positive about it though even though it can be a bit discouraging.

Anyway, I am not congratulating myself for success with jobs! Something even better! Many people who know me may know of my headaches. I have a severe case of tmd or tmjd, Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction. For most of us who have it, it’s not severe. But mine is really bad. My pain isn’t always severe; it’s usually not. But I have pain and other symptoms (jaw locking, vision\hearing problems, teeth breaking, jaw clicking, the list goes on n on)almost constantly and some occasions the pain flares up to beyond severe, the point of seeming absolutely unendurable. There’s no known cure or effective treatment. Agony beyond words. Here are a few of my posts where I mention the living hell that this disorder is. I’ll also give a brief description of the pain here too in this post.

He’s My Son (a heartbreakingly beautiful song)

Inner Strength

On Pain & Suicide Headaches (prevailing)

(this one is on the extremely long side!)

Stepping out of our ruts

On Pain, Hope, & Life Lessons (Healing Hands)

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on

It’s like being burned. Like scalding hot water being poured over the side of my face, scalding my eyeball, head, face…mixed with the worst toothace, earache, sinusache imaginable, and an intense pressure in the eardrum building up, up, up til eventually it feels like it’s being punctured and as if it will very soon explode. It’s worse than it sounds. The disorder I have can feel like various kinds of other disorders and headaches. The one I’m describing above is the Cluster headache. Cluster headache is a rare disorder that my disorder, tmjd, can mimic. I don’t have these headaches very frequently but when I do, they are extremely traumatic. Just one will probably scar you for life, emotionally. A life changing experience that can never be forgotten. They aren’t dubbed “suicide headaches” for nothing! The pain is so severe, many people contemplate and even attempt suicide just to stop the pain while it’s occurring. Sometimes during these headaches I have screamed through the night til my throat became raw and I lost my voice. I often have to keep hitting my face and head over n over in a panic or claw at things because I’m so frantic and panicked and desperate when it happens. There’s an impulsive urge to claw at the face and eye and bang the head against a wall. That’s not uncommon in those of us with this pain.

They usually occur at night or very early in the morning when it’s still dark out. When they appear and they can last a few hours. And when one ends, another can begin soon after. There’s nothing amusing about it but when thinking about it, sometimes I have the urge to laugh. It’s the only physical pain I ever experienced that leads me to feel as if I may really go insane. When they blast through my head, it’s like nothing else in the world matters or even exists.

Recently I was thinking how I haven’t had one of these headaches in a while. Through the years, I learned to cope with them better. Sometimes they have been frequent and sometimes very infrequent. They usually flare up worse in the cold weather, for me. Last night or early in the morning I had my first one of the season. They begin very abruptly, often with no warning sign. Just slamming into my face out of nowhere. Then last minutes to hours then end just as abruptly. I had one around 1:00 in the morning. It lasted less than an hour. But it was excruciating.

The reason I am happy about it is I was able to meditate through the episode. I could never do that before! With these headaches, there’s no staying still. We often have to pace, hit or throw things, hit ourselves, scream hysterically….even though I learned to handle them better, I still could not be very still or meditate through the pain. I have come to be much more positive and less angry during flareups than I used to be but still have room to evolve.

Last night when the first headache hit, I felt like I was in a nightmare that couldn’t really be happening. It was unbelievable. But soon enough I stopped the loud inner chaos to ask, “What can this teach or remind me?” “How can this strengthen me?” “How can I take this experience now and use it for the better, not just for me but for others?” “How can this better me?” “How can this agonizing experience be used by me to help, uplift, or inspire someone else?”

This is not uncommon for me to ask these questions during a very painful experience or any struggle but it’s usually more difficult to think like this, to execute such wisdom with this kind of physical anguish. Last night though, it was easier. And that is because of the work I do on myself in general. I’m naturally very positive but in general I work to strengthen that natural inclination, make it more intentional, conscious.

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If we only work to be positive, to meditate, to practice gratitude, to focus on breath….during problems then we don’t get much practice and not only that but it can be difficult to find the motivation or desire to do these things when serious pain arises, especially emotional pain. We may be tempted to give into the pain, let the pain conquer us and not practice positive techniques. But if we consciously practice positivity in general, whether or not we are naturally positive, we will be more ready when serious pain occurs. I can’t stress it enough! It’s depression that taught me this! But it applies to physical pain as well and any problem!

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/serendipitous-strength/

Anger and especially fury, is not an emotion I’m very prone to. It’s the emotion I experience least often. It usually takes a lot to get me angry and even then it usually subsides quickly. But when I experience these headaches I would often become furious, aggressive (not against living beings though), i would have the urge to break and throw things, demolish buildings, scream and tear things to shreds. I wanted to hear and see, feel destruction, the way my body feels when it’s forced to endure such cruelty. I would be outraged at the pain. I wanted it to materialize before me so i can scream some more and rip it to pieces.

But a year ago, in June, I had one of these debilitating headaches at work and it devastated me. It frightened me. It disabled me. It almost destroyed me. I used to let them bring me to ruin. This can be a good thing. Fall to pieces so we can build our self up even stronger. And that’s what I did. This headache at work did not infuriate me like they do. I felt no anger, just pain, fear, love, compassion. The anger did not arise. And the one last night was the same. I waited for the fury, for the destruction, for the outrage. But none came. I felt fear so strong I could almost taste it.  There’s always that nagging fear “What if this one doesn’t end?” even though we know they eventually end. I felt love, compassion, hope, anxiety, optimism….but no anger.

This is a sign that i am evolving so well. They are so much easier to bear without the fury. Sometimes anger is good and can fuel us, give us a backbone. But the fury I have with these does not serve me well. It just seems to trap me. It’s like there’s no outlet for it. I can’t go screaming and destroying things, especially late at night. I always have the urge to run when I have these head attacks. But instead I sat down and focused on my breath. The most basic thing. I wrung my hands and keeled over. But I (gently) forced myself to stay focused. My own breath calmed me. I just breathed in & out, in & out, consciously. The pain throbbed away, at some points seeming to threaten my sanity. But i mustered up all the wisdom, courage, strength I know and just let it throb. I tried not to identify with the pain or even my own body. I told myself that “pain is arising in my\the body” instead of thinking “I’m hurt” or “i’m in pain” or “my head hurts.” It’s all the same concept and the reality may seem the same but our choice of words can really make a difference.

I took all my experience with meditation & mala recitation each day and applied it to my waking nightmare last night. I chose not to judge the pain. This isn’t bad. It just is. Just like I don’t judge my straying mind or bodily sensations or thoughts during meditation each day. They just are. And that is ok. Something can be bad but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing that it’s bad. Just let it be bad. 

I sat in meditation posture in a dark room, right hand lightly cupped in my left, thumbs gently touching, back straight, feet flat on the floor and i just breathed. Then I envisioned the Buddha before me surrounded in bright white light of wisdom, compassion, love and I breathed in that white light and breathed it out into the uni-verse. At first I kept gasping for breath because the pain was too much but eventually my breath calmed. And I stayed like that for a while. But even in the midst of so much horror and this technique helping me cope, I knew I want to not just help me but i have this strong desire to help others. Visualizing the Buddha was helping me greatly but that may not help everyone else in need. Not everyone is into Buddha. We don’t have to be Buddhists to benefit by his wisdom and follow his teachings or practice Buddhist techniques. But still, some aren’t interested in Buddhism. So I imagined Buddha fading away into his bright white light but the light remaining and I kept breathing.

It still helped me greatly. Whoever isn’t into Buddha can just imagine the white, sparkling light or imagine another religious figure in his place or a fictional character in a novel or movie or any person dead or alive. Any figure who stands for or symbolizes love, peace, strength, compassion, hope, fierceness….will do. Just breathe in the wisdom of that figure. And keep holding on. Very likely the pain will end even if not right now. And in the off chance that it doesn’t we can learn to live with it and live well. We have to detach and not judge or identify with the pain. It may take practice and some serious work and setbacks and relapses but it is possbible to live with whatever it is. Whatever the struggle is, we can endure it and survive it together. Whether it’s grief and loss, depression, anxiety, severe physical agony, chronic illness, addiction, sexual assault, an eating disorder, a devastating diagnosis, a breakup, a common cold, a bad day at work….no matter how seemingly serious or trivial the problem, we can do things to help it be better and to help others. We can live with it. Bringing light & love into the mix.

Last night I lived with pain that felt like I was being burned alive. (Being seriously burned  is way worse of an experience and can kill someone. My condition can’t kill me like being burned but it has to do with nerves and feels like a severe burn.) Pain that has at some points provoked me to scream for hours on end til my mouth tasted like blood and I had no more voice. Pain that has possessed me to crack my head against walls. Pain that has influenced me to contemplate ending my life just to make it stop even though I wasn’t depressed at all and was happy just seconds before it hit and shattered my world. After the first head attack finally ended I fell asleep while reading a book about gratitude, and was woken up by another one at 3:30am. I handled it similarly. My hands wrung, fear gripped me tightly, my face and head throbbed but I remained calm and stayed positive. After the headaches ended, I did not feel as traumatized as I usually do after they end. Today I can feel the aftermath but I’m very well. When the headaches do end, often the effects of it still rage inside or linger. It’s like after a heavy and wild storm ends but we can still see or feel the aftermath. Wires and trees knocked down, things thrown about, just a gray lingering. 

The only pain in this life I have felt worse than this is grief (and I have experienced some serious pain, depression, kidney stones, surgery…)when my pets die and when my close human friend, Diane, died, or when I hear of tragic things happening to others or see someone else suffering, human, insect, or animal. This pain is like the physical version of grief. But I feel that it’s more difficult to cope with than grief because it’s physical and demands immediate attention. It’s that same throbbing, unbelievable, unbearable, urgent, “claustrophobic” senation that is a component of grief. 

As soon as my head attack hit, I knew I would share my experience to potentially help, inspire, uplift, console, or even just entertain another. I want to bring hope to anyone suffering or in any kind of pain, whether it’s as bad as I was, not nearly as bad, or way worse. There’s always hope. Life is hope. Just breathe. Keep breathing.

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(i found this wall at 3rd street & girard avenue, here in Philadelphia! Thank you whoever is responsible for this deeply inspiring message! ❤)

When pain or anxiety or fear make it too difficult to keep our positivity, faith, philosophy,meditation or gratitude practice going, that is when we have to push even harder to keep it going strong. That’s when we have to be firm, be tenacious, stand strong against the winds and not be uprooted. This is when we can’t slack or stray. We have to keep going. It’s ok to fall, to scream, to cry, to sob, to relapse but keep getting back up and holding onto that positive philosophy even if the mood isn’t positive and we can’t right now feel it. Keep meditating, keep giving thanks, keep exercising, keep working, writing, running, keep searching for the beauty in the world…whatever it is we do that helps us, keep it up. Keep breathing. ❤😀

“She dropped the phone and burst into tears
The doctor just confirmed her fears
Her husband held it in and held her tight
Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38
With three kids who need you in their lives
He said, ‘I know that you’re afraid and I am, too
But you’ll never be alone, I promise you’

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.”

I’m Gonna Love You Through It – Martina McBride – mobile

I’m Gonna Love You Through It – desktop

Much love & light to you, now & always. I’m wishing you the best, cheering you on, loving you through whatever it is and even if it’s nothing. If you are having a happy, pain-free day or life, I’m so happy! May you know inner-peace and joy, always. ❤😍😀

xoxo Kim ❤

! Take it easy ! :-D

I posted this on Instagram today & here it is on the bloggy as well! 😀

I saw this sticker today, “:-D Take it easy 

Life is short” I especially love it because it’s on the back of a hearse! What better place for a sticker like that! Looks like someone has a light & playful heart! 😀 ❤

I took the liberty of looking inside. I promise I’m generally not nosy and don’t go around looking in people’s car windows! The hearse is parked here everyday and has new jersey plates. But it’s just today I saw the lovely sticker! 

I did not have my phone with me so I walked back with my phone after getting home. When I looked inside the back (the curtain is slightly pulled open) I saw a blank space, no casket. But there is a crinkled up towel thrown on the part where the casket slides in(umm eww?). In the front I saw a couple Wawa coffee cups and some folded black bag (body bag?). Along with not being nosy, I’m also generally not morbid. I actually have a slight aversion to death and anything that has to do with it. I inherited that off my mom except her aversion is not slight. It’s more on the extreme side. She won’t hear of anything to do with funerals, corpses, caskets…it’s an off limits topic. 

Also, the color of the hearse is quite cheerful, wouldn’t you say? Much better than gray or white or black!

Anyway, how about heeding these wise words?! Life doesn’t have to be so serious! Who cares what people in general think, if we get cut off in traffic, don’t have much money, aren’t very successful with jobs or other things…we are alive and can be happy anyway! There’s always something to smile about! Lighten up! 😀

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!    😀 ❤

xoxo Much love & light, always. ❤

xoxo Kim 

A love song❤

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“…now  that I’ve come to see the light
All I wanna do is make things right”
 
This is one of my favorite songs and my favorite version of the song! I love the one sung by James Ingram too. But there’s something so extra sweet about this one sung by Dionne Warwick.
 It’s a romantic love song and I love it for the romantic love song that it is but I also love how it can apply to life and relationships (Platonic or Romantic) in general.
 
Even though there is a bit of sadness to it and it’s a message born of pain and brokenness, it’s so positive and full of hope & love. It’s about mending the brokenness, reviving a failed relationship, and further developing love that already exists but wasn’t expressed enough. 
 
The song is full of promise, potential, apology, and gentle love. And like I said, while it’s beautiful in the romantic sense, it’s also a very beautiful concept to apply to life in general, a promise to become better, to love more, to heal the broken, to cherish others and lavish love onto everyone we encounter, including our own self.
 
These people messed up in their romantic relationship but still see hope in the darkness. No matter what we mess up in this life whether it’s a relationship with another, our self, a job, a project, …. Anything….there is potential, hope, promise, even if something cannot be mended, even if something is permanently destroyed by our mistakes or something else, there’s still something that can be mended, fixed, even if flawed a bit, something that can be deepened, our inner light, wisdom, love….no matter what, we can always be OK again. ❤
“…if there’s some feeling left in you
Some flicker of love that still shines through
Let’s talk it out, let’s talk about second chances” ❤
 
It really is the sweetest and most hopeful song! Instead of wallowing in self loathing for mistakes they made and drowning in despair over lost love or relationships, they stand strong in love, making a firm promise to be better and better. And it’s not a clingy “I can’t live without you” or “I’m nothing without you” song. It’s just a request for forgiveness and a second chance. It’s beautiful how as long as we’re alive, we have a chance, a second chance, more and more chances, potential, opportunity…
A wonderful song about hope and beginnings. ❤
“You and me, we’re gonna be better than we were before
Loved you then but now I intend
To open up and love you even more
This time you can be sure”
I will share another version of this same beautiful song here:
 
 I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! 😀
Much love & light to you, always! ❤
xoxo Kim

Equalizing self & others❤

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(this is not my photo)

First, I should apply myself to meditation

On the equality of self and others.

Because we are all equal in wanting to experience
happiness and avoid suffering,
I should cherish all beings as I do myself.”
~ Shantideva (Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life)

(I wrote this a couple months ago and never posted it yet and just fixed it up and added to it now!)

Meditation doesn’t just have to be about sitting or laying still, eyes closed in a deep state; it can be any kind of mindfulness throughout the day during just about any kind of activity or just thinking about something, contemplation, reflection…

Recently I heard people laughing and joking about something bad that happened to someone else (someone’s poor little dog was killed by a large bird! 😢 )and I felt disbelief and something close to anger.
I was thinking they wouldn’t be laughing if it was them or someone close to them who it happened to.
I decided to express my distaste and tell them I’m almost certain they wouldn’t be amused if it were them it happened to. And one person said “well it wasn’t us so we can joke and laugh about it.” And I instantly, without much thought, blurted “but it’s just as bad when it’s someone else!!”

And then instantly I felt like I was being or coming off as a snob, someone who is sanctimonious or some moralist who acts superior to others, like my morals are above theirs or my compassion is somehow more complete than theirs.

It’s great to live how we want to live and express our views but it’s not good, in my opinion, to act like we’re above others who don’t share our views or lifestyle.

I wasn’t doing this in the incident I shared above but I can see how someone may think that, especially people who don’t know me well.

I definitely don’t think of myself as someone who lives and thinks better than others.
And I believe we all (or most at least) have the capacity to love even though for some, this ability is currently more developed than others and some are naturally more compassionate, we all (most) have the ability to strengthen it.

I don’t feel superior to those who I mention above. But I think it’s good to equalize ourself and others, being aware that underneath we’re the same and it’s not better when something good happens to us than when it does to others and no worse when something bad happens to us than to others.

But in brief encounters with people, it’s hard to express this view without seeming snobby or like I said, sanctimonious, unctuous….at this moment I can’t seem to think of words that seem less showy than these. Prig? lol That word always gets me laughing. It sounds to me like a slur or derogatory word but I dont think it is.

It’s great to find a balance of expressing our views but not being overly judgmental or destructively critical of others who hold different views.

I’m usually very good at this. But sometimes I feel the need to contemplate, find some sense of “demarcation,” and it can get confusing and it’s really subjective.

So I decided to share here.

This is one advantage social media has over the rest of life, we can write and share things that would be inappropriate in specific situations or come off as preachy in person.

On social media, some things can inspire while in life outside, they may be interpreted as negative. And in social media context, we have more of an opportunity to explain than in some “real-life” or in-person situations. Like here, I can write a whole blog post elaborating and anyone who wants can read but in brief encounters in person, I’m likely not going to get into a deep conversation or explanation about certain things. Like, it’s not likely I would stand there and go into an explanation of loving kindness meditation to people who probably couldn’t care less.

An example of something being inappropriate in person but not on social media is, if someone is in a severe depressive episode or experiencing some other terrible pain, it’s not always helpful to tell that person specifically, “it gets better” or “think positively” or “think of all you have to be thankful for…” But if that same person happens to stumble upon a blog post or photo or song shared with a similar sentiment, it can be very helpful.

It’s not good to be preached to but it’s great to come across inspiration on our own or things our friends share online.

Anyway, this incident I shared reminds me of just a few weeks ago when I laughed at someone when something bad happened to her. She frequently acts in a rude manner and frequently says negative things about people, both those she knows and strangers to her and shortly after she was bragging that she has a better lifestyle and morals than everyone else and if everyone was as great as her, we would all be rich and happy and loved and not have problems…. stuff like that, she experienced an unfortunate incident that I felt served her right. Nothing tragic or anything; I would never find that amusing. She believes when bad things happen to people, it’s their own fault(I believe this too, in a way, for the most part but in a compassionate, empowering way, not a callous way. “Bad things” are only bad and distress us because we havent yet trained our brain to remain positive, calm, and peaceful – it’s disempowering to believe we have no or only very little control over things in general- things are the indirect or direct results of our conscious or unconscious choices and even if not, we can still learn to control our reactions to things).

I usually do not laugh at people’s misfortune, even people who often act in an unkind manner but I did here. And at first I did not even feel guilty being amused even though I felt that it’s wrong. Then later I reminded myself that her pain is not a laughing matter and if it were me it happened to (or a friend of mine or my sister, or a person who usually seems more kind…), I wouldn’t be laughing. I felt a healthy sense of guilt that reminds me to not act in unkind ways against others.

So, I’m not innocent of this either, sometimes putting up too much of a barrier, too much separateness, instead of identifying with someone else’s situation. Usually I’m extremely empathetic to the point I feel everyone else’s pain and happiness and extremely compassionate but there are still occasions where this isn’t the case and I have room to evolve.

This woman is no different than me underneath. Just like me, she experiences pleasure and pain, happiness and suffering, desires and an aversion to pain…

I felt a pang of guilt and disgust with myself for laughing at the poor girl but I reminded myself that at least I caught it and actually want to be better.

Equalizing the self and others is a Buddhist technique but it can apply to every person, Buddhist or not.

In the simplest sense, it means keeping in mind that no matter who we are, we all have the desire for happiness and an aversion to suffering. We gravitate towards pleasure and relief and attempt to avoid pain and suffering.

All of our emotions are also emotions of others. We know what it is to suffer or be in pain or can imagine and so we have an idea of someone else’s suffering and the same with happiness and joy.
Whether those others are friends, family, strangers, enemies, people who are difficult to interact with, loving people(even non humans)….underneath we share a similar humanness or inner experiences.

There’s a certain meditation that helps us get to the place of always or almost always or even just more frequently identifying with others, deepening our empathy.

It’s called the lovingkindness meditation.

I sometimes have avoided this because it can be difficult.

During this meditation, at one point, we are to think of someone who we do not care for, don’t like, or someone who brought us pain at one point.

And we are encouraged to think loving things about that person.

I can tell you, it’s hard occasionally! Some occasions it’s easier than others but some occasions it feels near impossible.

Also, we are asked to think of someone who is neutral to us which is also very difficult for me because no one is usually neutral to me in the way this meditation suggests. I am already extremely loving and empathetic (not bragging! Lol) and can easily love and identity with strangers and others who aren’t close to me. Very often, I have affection for everyone I look at. I even often feel deep gratitude for the lives of strangers I happen to see just walking outside. When I hear about a person or animal’s life being saved, even those I never met and probably never will, I am overcome in deep gratitude and relief. And when I hear of a person or animal killed or died some other way, even ones i have never laid eyes on or even heard of til after the death; I am completely shattered. Sometimes I even feel as if my world just stopped turning. I can feel numb for days to hear of the death of someone I never knew. 

So thinking of a neutral person is hard, but not emotionally difficult like trying to love a person who I see as unpleasant, difficult like in a practical way. I have to wrack my brain trying to come up with someone.

I don’t not like most people, even those who seem unpleasant. It’s very rare that I have a serious problem with or very negative, general opinion of someone. And even when I do, I can usually talk myself into compassion for those people.

Even people who have said/done vicious things to me, I have much compassion for still, even if I don’t talk to them much anymore.

But I can think of a few people in this life, some I haven’t seen in years, who I don’t want really bad things to happen to but I also sometimes really don’t want to think loving thoughts about them either. So it’s sometimes just easier to avoid this meditation.

But the fact that it can be difficult, is even more of a reason to take the chance and engage in it.

It can be hard to want to think loving things about people who we feel do us wrong or do horrible things to others. It can be difficult to want to wish them well. And the ones I sometimes have difficulty thinking of in a loving way, are usually only people who said/did minor unpleasant things to me compared to what happens to some people. So if it’s this hard for me sometimes, to think positively of people who do less serious things, just imagine how much more difficult it probably can be for someone who was sexually assaulted to think of the attacker in a loving way or a person who has a friend or family member murdered or assaulted in some serious way to think of the predator in a loving manner. It probably feels impossible for some.

There’s an old man who used to grab me and feel me up all over and do other things to me when he would see me. He is (physically) stronger than me, as most men are, or at least was years ago. And he abused his power, his strength. Instead of using it for good, to help another, he used it for selfish purposes. He claimed to not be able to speak or understand English(though I heard him speaking it before). No matter how much I pulled away or said stop, he wouldn’t let go. I never liked it but would let it slide. Then one day he really assualted me and I felt a kind of fury surge through me that I never felt for a person before. I remember texting my mom telling her what happend. I was so pissed! I wanted to find another man to kick his ass for me but especially for any other girl or woman he may have assualted, but I never did. So I can imagine the pain & fury of someone who was seriously abused or assualted or is close to someone who was.

Try to find it in you to look up the sexual offenders list online, look at their pictures and read what they did. Imagine all those innocent people, most often women and children, who feel destroyed after a predator took it upon himself (not always but they’re usually men ) to violate an innocent person, not giving an ounce of concern for the person. Actually taking great pleasure in the screams, the tears, the agony of those being tortured. 

We automatically, easily have deep compassion for the survivors, victims, and families and friends. But try to have compassion for the predators. Try to love them, wish them well, hope they are happy and at peace. See how difficult it is? It feels near impossible. For many, maybe even most of us,  all we feel is repulsed. This is why loving kindness meditation can be so difficult. 

And it may even feel like we are betraying the victim or survivor if we love the one who committed the atrocious act. Or it may feel like if we forgive, it means we are condoning or allowing horrific acts of violence. But that is not the case. Forgiveness is a form of healing not only good for the one who did wrong but even more for the one who is wronged or who has compassion for the one wronged. And forgiving a person who hurt a friend of ours doesn’t mean we are betraying that friend or doing wrong to a person who is the survivor or victim of a serious assault.

Compassion and love for all does good for the whole world; it’s not just about people who do the horrible things “deserving” love & forgiveness. It’s not about them but about the world as a whole being better when we don’t perpetuate violence and hostility and negativity, when we put out positive energy.

I have been told on quite a few occasions that if we truly care about an issue, cause, person…we would or should feel fury or hatred for the “other side” or those who oppress people. We should hate child abusers, pedophiles, animal killers, sexual predators, serial killers, baby killers, injustice, inequality, racism, poverty, homophobia…..the list goes on. So many claim that if we dont hate or feel anger towards certain things or people, we won’t act to make things better.  I know they have good intentions but i disagree. Compassion, love, kindness can fuel us to act; not just hatred and fury. It’s true fury about things wrong in this world can provoke us to act for the better but it can also influence us to act and feel negatively. And like I said, compassion, love can inspire us to move.

Instead of focusing on the horrible monster who killed a child, why not instead shift our focus to the love\compassion we feel for the innocent and the friends and family of the victim? Instead of allowing our body to be filled to the brim with fury and loathing for injustice, racism, discrimination, bullying….how about instead dwell on the love, the well wishes we have for anyone affected by those things. Anger isn’t wrong but it is potentially destructive and not often as pleasant feeling as love. ❤

During my lovingkindness meditations, I rarely think of murderers who kill in cold blood and sexual predators, animal killers. And when I do, it’s sometimes so difficult to summon direct compassion for them even when it’s not me who is involved in any way(I experience compassion for them sometimes and anger and disgust other occasions). It’s hard to think loving thoughts about people who do horrific things to innocent, sentient beings even if I don’t know those innocent beings. 

When I think of people who did something to me that I feel is “extra” terrible or those who do horrible things to others, I remind myself that these are the people I have to focus even more loving energy on. Some I will most likely never see/see again and really don’t care to but the point is to get my own mind in an even deeper state of loving so I can BE more love for everyone everywhere I go, just live in a state of deep love. I often feel this anyway but I can still strengthen it, especially by focusing more conscious  love  on those I find it most difficult to love. I usually focus my love on people it’s easy to love and those I do not know, like “strangers,” everywhere I go and even some very “difficult people” I encounter or have known. But the people who I often find it incredibly difficult to think positively of, I usually don’t try to consciously love them. Even if I’m not wishing bad things on them either.

It’s like that saying “I don’t love you or hate you. I nothing you.” lol

(But in a diffrent way than the “neutral” people mentioned above – this is more of a conscious kind of thing)

But not wishing bad things on them, holding  our tongues and not lashing out or saying unpleasant things is a form of love or act of love. It’s a good start. So in this way, I have love for them too.

There’s people I have had very unpleasant encounters with but still feel positive emotions for them.

But then there’s the ones where it sometimes seems too much to want to lavish love onto them, even if just in my head.

When something is especially painful or difficult, it’s often even more of a reason to tend to it.

Those people, even if acting viciously or recklessly, still, like me, have the ability to be happy and the ability to suffer, the ability to love, and the potential to evolve. They have loved and lost, have fears, goals, plans….just like me, they can be struck with a heart attack, a bullet, a headache, tragedy, loss, death…like I can. They were once innocent babies and will (if they live long enough) be very old and even more susceptible to sickness and injury and closer to death.

We’re really all in this together.

It seems like nonsense to want to seek revenge and think negative things about others. But it can be tempting. We can resist temptation though and surrender to love (in whatever way we choose, positive thoughts, well wishes, affection, just not saying negative things…) even when it’s difficult.

To think like this, we train our brains to live in love. And this generates positive energy/auras.

I still occasionally find it hard to think and feel loving thoughts about those people but I get better with it.

“Fake it til you make it.”

This isn’t really about being fake but practicing compassion or positivity to truly BEcome and feel more positive and loving.

We don’t have to love everyone the same way or equally or want to see, talk to, or be friends with everyone. But we can have loving thoughts about everyone we think of and encounter, not just for them but to have our own body filled with loving energy to touch all those around us, and the whole uni-verse.

When we harbor negative energy it can not only be a detriment to our own self but to others. We may act consciously or unconsciously, in accordance with the state of our energy. This goes for both loving and negative energy.  

This isn’t just about experiencing empathy for the pain of others but also the joy and happiness even when they have things we want and do not or cannot have. Let’s make the happiness of others our own! ❤

If you don’t love or want to love everyone or those who do horrible things, that’s ok! This isn’t about judging people or saying everyone should live a certain way. We all have different ways and interests. As long as we’re basically good and not out killing and/or torturing  people/animals/sentient beings…, destroying property…, just for the thrill of it, it’s all good! And if we are out doing stuff like that, I hope we wake up soon and stop!

😀

Here is the desktop link to a video for a lovingkindness meditation.

Mobile version of the same video:

And here is an older post of mine on Empathy.

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/12/19/on-empathy/

Also, this is a beautiful Buddhist song about compassion, empathy, experiencing the joy and sorrow of others as if it’s our own. It’s a Buddhist song but can apply to all of us. 

Compassion – mobile

Compassion – desktop

Here are some of my favorite lyrics in the song:

“I need not be the grass to value the land or the poor slaughtered beast to know its pain” ❤

“I need not know a stranger to understand the joys and sorrows he encounters in this land.” ❤

“I need not be the winner with a trophy to celebrate his joy and to share his glory.” ❤

“If we just try to show a little compassion, not just to man but to all sentient manifestation, then no tears will be shed in isolation; another’s joy will be a cause for celebration.” ❤

“Let us live life with a little compassion…” ❤

“All I need is to look inside my heart – for compassion is there right from the start.” ❤

“In the end we should all come to realize sorrow & joy seen through another being’s eyes.” ❤

I’m wishing you much love & light today and always! ❤ 😀

Xoxo Kim

Saying thank you<3

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“Appreciation can make a day – even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.”

Earlier tonight I was about to prepare a post on selfishness when a thing popped up on my Kindle saying “Alexia is now on Kindle Fire” and I thought it meant someone who is my friend on a social media account like Facebook maybe, just got another social media account. But I soon realized that Alexia is some program that answers questions that we speak into the Kindle, like questions about sports or weather. All night I have been wracking my brain trying to determine if today is November 15th or 16th. I guess when were out of work it doesnt matter what the date is so we lose track? lol jk I was looking through a book of inspiring words for each day of the year and couldn’t recall the exact date. The one for yesterday is more inspiring than the one for today. I think so anyway.

So anyway i asked Alexia what’s the date for today and she answered! The 16th of November! yipee! I was thrilled! lol I was so thankful I decided to thank her even though shes a robot and probably wouldnt understand but…..she said “no problem, you’re welcome!” lol! I was so filled with disbelief & joy over something so simple! I even laughed out loud! 😀

And of course me, who finds wisdom in just about everything, am reminded to be thankful and express thanks often, which I already am and do, and remind others to. I always say thank you to bus drivers and store cashiers and people who hold doors for me and I’m sure most\many of us do, right!? But reminders are always, always great! Even when I don’t say thank you, I try to show it. Unlike some people, I don’t thank every person who follows my blog or instagram account but I do show it by following back usually or “liking” their content. Expressing thanks in any way is great! Even if we think someone may not appreciate our thanks, we are putting loving energy out into the uni-verse and comfirming\maintaining an attitude of gratitude in our own head. ❤

Someone can be so moved\uplifted\inspired\warmed by two simple words, “Thank you!” 

And even if we don’t always feel the gratitude, we can say it to practice til we feel it and to just show kindness to others. There are different depths of gratitude, shallow, deep, ..bone deep….and all are great! 😍 😀 Sometimes I’m angry at someone and still feel thankful but don’t want to say “thank you” at someone I’m pissed at but I usually force myself to anyway. 

So let’s remember to give thanks each &  every day, even if just in our heads, it still generates positive energy, but especially out loud. ❤ 😀

Much love & light to you, always & thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

xoxo Kim

P.s. I got me a job interview tomorrow morning! I just applied yesterday and got the phone call today! I only been outta work for a little bit over two weeks and already I’m on my way! Go me! It’s for dog walking\pet sitting. Wish me luck! 😉 😀 ❤

Free Hugs for all! :-D <3

This is something I posted on Facebook & Instagram today and here it is here on WordPress as well!

“What’s broken can be mended. What hurts can be healed. And no matter how dark it gets the sun is going to rise again.”

 ~Big bear hugs to everyone who wants any!~ ❤

 This is me in May 2015 but I give hugs any day of the year! 😀 ❤

 Also, thank you for the recent comments! I will respond soon! 😀

 xoxo Kim ❤

I am… <3


(Not my photo)

Recently I have been seeing blog posts and Instagram posts where people share a photo that says “I am…” then go onto reminding us all how very powerful our thoughts and words are and give examples of positive “I am” statements: I am creative, I am strong, I am intelligent…


(not my photo)

I have known for a long while that thoughts are powerful and that it’s wise to watch how we talk to\about our own selves whether it’s in our head or out loud.

I rarely feel negative or unpleasant emotions or feelings about myself and even more rarely do I speak\think insulting or abusive words about myself. So when I ever do feel or especially think an unpleasant word about myself, I feel the very toxic effect of it instantly. I’m used to only thinking positive and feeling positive things about me. For as long as I can remember, I had positive self esteem in general, often even when I am depressed. 

When I do think or feel unpleasant things about myself, it’s almost always just when I’m depressed and even then I’m careful how I think\speak about myself. When I was young and depressed I often abused myself with words and thoughts but not now. Sometimes still, usually when depressed, I let myself get consumed in feelings of worthlessness and pointlessness. 

Anyway, recently I was reminded how powerful words\thoughts are. I have been sick for a few days. Physically. My sinuses are very sensitive since I was little and I get sinus colds and allergies somewhat frequently, all throughout the year, not as badly as some people but very uncomfortable on some occasions and sometimes really painful. Usually not very bad though. But recently my sinuses have been hurting really badly and then my throat started to become sore. Also, I have been very fatigued. The fatigue has been really getting to me more than the sinus and throat pain. It has been distressing me emotionally. I’m almost never fatigued anymore.

When I do get fatigued for days, I fear that the Sickness has returned. The darkness. Since I was a little girl I struggled with Depression almost constantly for many years until May 2010 when I began to get better and only have recurring severe episodes, not constant depression anymore. There’s something different about constantly or nearly constantly being depressed and just having recurrent episodes. Both suck. But living in near constant darkness is worse than having episodes that come and go. I was depressed and suicidal in different depths and degrees for nearly fourteen years. And depressed even before that but I was too young to be suicidal back then. Very little kids can be suicidal but I wasn’t until I was thirteen years old. But even before that, I would become very depressed every Summer, so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed or off the sofa. My friends would knock for me to go out and play and I could hardly move. My mom would try to get me up but I wouldn’t, couldn’t. There was nothing physically wrong with me, at least not primarily. The fatigue was a result of the depression. This was way before depression became more well known and talked about.

Then my depression, suicidal inclination and contemplation, and fatigue became just the way I generally lived until May 2010 when I decided I can get myself better. I received professional help for years before that but that May in 2010 is the beginning to my true journey to recovery. I may never be fully recovered but I’m much, much better than I was all those years ago. It took so much work, strength, courage…but here I am!

Along with professional help, I practice meditation, appreciative living techniques, and strengthening my natural positive personality to make it more intentional, to counter the depression by being forcefully, ferociously positive. I have always been someone who is naturally optimistic but depression requires work to make that even more conscious and intentional.

So anyway, recently I feared my physical sickness may really be the Sickness. Depression really can feel so physical, like we are dying, not just dying inside, that too, but actually dying. It can feel like a common cold, influenza, just so physical. I have met people who have said depression hurts worse than painful, life threatening physical illnesses they once battled. And we can be depressed and not even realize! After all these years sometimes I still get depressed without realizing right away. Sometimes I think I’m getting a cold and it’s really depression coming on. Some occasions I think I’m just worthless and not depressed when really it’s depression provoking those thoughts. 

I kept thinking “I’m so sick, I’m so weak (physically), ” I am so fatigued!…” and each one of those thoughts, i felt taking even more energy out of me. The fatigue scared me. It was bone deep and so all consuming. I was reaching for a book on my bookshelf thinking “I am so sick” when suddenly I remembered that trend thing I keep seeing around with the “I am…” and how those two words are so powerful so whatever comes after them better be good.

And I thought to myself “I am…strong” “I am resilient” “I am optimistic” “I am beautiful”

And of course I’m still going to be sick and fatigued and whatever else because words and thoughts very likely won’t directly cure something but the point is to shift our focus to what is good, to place our awareness on our positive qualities and situations.


(not my photo)

This isn’t about denying or repressing or ignoring our unfortunate or unpleasant situations. That is unhealthy. But so is dwelling on them, feeding into them with too much of our attention.

Thinking positively generates positive, healing energy. And just makes it easier to cope with unpleasant things. So let’s list some positive “I am…” statements.

I am strong. 

I am powerful.

I am thankful. 

I am beautiful. 

I am wise.

I am creative. 

I am hopeful.

I am resilient. 

I am optimistic. 

I am fierce.

I am empowered. 

I am enough. 

I am confident.

I am compassionate. 

I am warmth.

I am tender.

I am beauty.

I am Light. 

I am sacred.

I am Love. 

😀 ❤

Luckily I am not depressed, it’s just a yucky cold. It’s not even a really bad cold, just unpleasant. But this cold gave me the opportunity to put positive thinking into practice and see incredible instant results and be reminded of a life lesson. And I want to share in hopes that it may inspire someone else. I am so thankful for all the people who have been posting the “I am…” things. We may not always realize just how deeply our posts on social media can touch others. Let’s keep sharing that positivity! 

Much love & light to you, always! 

😍 ❤ 😀

xoxo Kim ❤

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Absolutely beautiful photo and words. It seems to convey simplicity but also it’s philosophical, thought-provoking. I just love it! The colors and shadows are brilliant! This should win a photo contest! 😀 ❤

Hummings

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You must look to see.

But do you see where you look?

***********

Buddhist Prayer

The most basic Buddhist prayer is “may all beings find peace,” which expresses the positive mental state of loving kindness. It is not a prayer directed to some higher power outside the mediator, but the articulation of an attitude; at a deeper level, an aspiration; and at a still deeper level, a commitment.

—Gareth Sparham, “Prayer: Venerable Gareth Sparham

****************

Peace

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Closing Time😖😀❤😍

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“Closing time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from.
Closing time
This room won’t be open ’til your brothers or your sisters come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend.” ~ Semisonic ❤

I wrote this October 30th and tried to publish it then but was having some difficulties (technical\practical difficulties not emotional ones even though it is quite sad! )

I’m a sad, sad girl today! Saddest girl in the whole world! Ok, not really. lol I’m not usually this dramatic! But I’m happy and sad. Today is my last day as a server\cashier at the job i worked at for over ten years! I knew I would be so sad when i heard we may be going out of business but I’m more sad than i could have imagined I would be. Heartbreaking!! ❤💔 ❤ I’m actually in a state of grief almost like when someone dies but nowhere near that bad. I’m shocked and feel disbelief and a bit of numbness. I knew for over a year that my boss was trying to sell the place but it’s still kind of a shock to have a significant change like this.  I can’t imagine not being here anymore after so long. And I worked so much in Spring & Summer,i felt like i lived here and practically ran the place myself when everyone was on vacation. I worked 10\11 hour shifts with no break days in a row. So many days I opened and closed the place myself. When I first began working here two of us worked each shift. That’s how it was for years. But one day one of the girls couldn’t come in so I worked myself even though it was super busy and my boss decided to have only one of us on each shift, after she saw I handled it well on my own, so she wouldn’t have to pay two of us. So mostly each shift only one worked unless we had to train a new employee. I love working with others but also love my own company. I  came to love my shifts alone, especially on slow, cold, rainy or snowy days. When I wasn’t working I would read my books and drink hot chocolate or tea or coffee. I still saw my coworkers a lot.

I worked so much here, more than any of the others because they all have other jobs too and I don’t. Also, im the only one who would work 11 hours a day.  I feel a great sense of loss but also like I’m not losing anything because the job and experience never had to be given to me in the first place. So i feel more that I gained than lost. It doesnt completely take away the sadness and grief but definitely helps it. I’m naturally more prone to seeing the positive and if i dont, i remind myself to focus on that.

I wasnt told until yesterday that I would lose my job! I heard people talking about it but my boss did not let me know and never said a word til yesterday that in two days I would be jobless! People are saying negative things about her for that but I can only see that for over ten years, she gave me a job and I am forever thankful.

Another thing that lessens the pain of this loss is, I loved every second of working here and never once took it for granted. People complained about the low pay but it’s better than no pay! And i loved the busy as well as slow days. Some rare occasions I definitely complained about something about work but even in the midst of that I felt gratitude for it all and felt more positive emotions for my job than unpleasant. I took so many pictures in here and shared stories and life lessons learned here, through the years. I have countless memories to always cherish. Even the things i disliked about my job I usually also loved more than disliked. For example, I often felt that I would prefer more regular hours like morning until late afternoon but i also loved the night shifts and not always having to wake up really early for work. Also, even sometimes when I felt overworked and exhausted, I also felt satisfied and productive working so much.

So my point is; there’s always pleasant and unpleasant and we can choose to focus more on what is good.

I also have come to learn that while it’s so great to have some big career helping people, it’s not the only way to help others. Even at a simple store job, (or no job) there are so many ways to touch lives for the better. I saw how grateful and touched people felt when I asked them if they want napkins or boxes to carry stuff or anything else to make things easier for them. Something as simple as that can show someone that we care to make something even just a little bit better or easier for the person. It helps in a practical way but also in a deeper way. People can feel the love we express even in the seemingly smallest ways. That’s the greatest lesson i learned. ❤

Even when I was depressed, grieving, or suffering a flareup of my chronic headache disorder, I made it a point to be friendly to customers even if I wasnt happy myself or in too much pain to think straight. And work almost always cheered me up! 😀

It was extremely rare for me to not feel like going into work and even on those occasions as soon as I got here, I felt happy to be here. So many days I was having so much fun I did not even realize it was time to leave. Some of my best days are here.

I havent been jobless since I was a nineteen year old college girl. It’s embarrassing. I dont judge people who choose not to or cannot work but i love to work and it feels strange and awkward not having a job. Having significantly less money is not going to be good but my worst issue is missing the place, the people, the experience. But all good things (and not good) must end! And I’m thankful for the experience in the first place.

I never planned to leave here unless I had to. I planned and still plan on having a more “real” job but I always wanted to still work here like maybe on the weekends or one day a week if my boss allowed it. Like I have said being a food server is a pleasant job that brings joy in ways other jobs dont. Even if they bring as much joy, it’s not the same.

But I also feel a sense of liberation. Whenever I applied for other jobs I would keep trying to work out how i can work here as well. I tried often to see how my schedules would be compatible. Also so many nights I wanted to do something, like go out but I couldn’t because I had to work at night. I missed quite a few things because of unusual hours. I still loved the hours but it also came with unfortunate things.

I loved when it was busy but I will love nights off that aren’t so demanding. And now I am completely free to look for another job. I have no restraints. For now, I’ll look for another store job since I have so much experience (over ten years!) then try to move onto a more “real” or “professional” (im not n never will be a professional but you get the picture, right?! 😀 ) job like maybe a technician in a hospital or health center or a position at a marketing company. I love marketing but do not want to start out with sales, knocking at people’s doors, which many marketing employers require! Also, I want to work with children with extra needs one day. 

And, now I can look more for a volunteer job as well! No job to hold me back! It’s hard finding a volunteer job at some places! They require all stuff like a paid job!

Here are some of my last pictures here:

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My friend who used to live next door and me used to call this stuff the Purple shit. It’s a pretty color though! It has a terrible afterscent. I couldn’t stand using it. If we were out of other cleaning stuff I had to use it. Yuck! I dreaded it! But now I’m going to miss it! Oh, purple shit, I’ll miss you! ❤

The cash register! I get angry at it sometimes for not functioning properly but I really will miss it! And seeing all the various kinds of money coming in n funny messages written on some of the bills. “My sweaty nuts touched this!” for example, is a message I saw years ago! lol

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I’m going to miss mopping here and cleaning the utensils. I’ll miss every crack in the floor and mark on the walls. I will miss the beauty of the shadows and reflections on the walls and floor and glass freezer tops at sundown. But i have lots of pictures! I will always miss & cherish the occasions when a beetle or ant or other kreepy krawlers would land on one of the counters or freezers or even on me! I have many pictures of those too! I’ll miss making myself chocolate milkshakes! We were allowed to eat\drink anything we wanted for free as long as it was our shift! 😍❤😀 And so much more I’ll miss and cherish forever.

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Usually when we think of missing something, we seem to think of people, food, “big” things but there’s so many little things we may overlook and miss that we may never realized we would cherish and miss.

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Years ago I broke one of these and I told my dad and he brought me one out of his work to take to mine. He works for a company that sells\fixes parts to things like machines and cars and stuff. 

The counterfeit detector pens. Sometimes we got to slacking with checking the money and brought in fake ones by accident. I have gotten angry phone calls unexpectedly about fake cash in the drawer! oopps! 😱

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Inventory! I loved writing lists and seeing my manager’s list of all the stuff we needed!

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I’ll even miss the notes I would sometimes find hanging up scolding us for something (not cleaning good, forgetting to stock something, leaving something out on the counter that should not have been left out…)

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And I will miss the people(and doggies!)! My coworkers, the customers, my boss, manager, and their family, having conversations with people about various things, helping people….I’ll miss it all but I’m very thankful for the work friendships I have found through the years. ❤😍😀

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I think this thing is at least twenty years old! See how the phone number doesn’t even have an area code in front. 😱 And that was still our phone number even after all these years. If you call it now, I won’t be there. 😦 Also, the place is called Scoops not just because it’s an ice cream store, even though that is a good name for an ice cream service, but because the original owner’s last name is Scoops. lol

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We still have most of the same stuff now. These prices are so low! Only $3.50 for a banana split! Now they’re $6.00! And just $1.50 for a small gelati?! Now they’re $4.50! 😀

And here is the last one of me at work:

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I shared this on Facebook with my experience n someone commented and wrote, simply, “sexy boobs.” lol I’m quite flattered and must say, I agree. But I just lost my job after ten years and that’s what someone says. It gave me a good giggle! 😍😀

I even got a couple hugs today! My friend, Chrissy at the bar my boss owns said she’ll miss me and hugged me goodbye! And my newer coworker came and hugged me goodbye and said she really liked working with me. aww ❤😍😀 I love how sad things often show us how much love is in the world. ❤

It’s raining tonight and thundering. It seems fitting for my last day ever. I always loved rainy nights at work. ❤ 

I tried to take pictures of every square inch of the place. Most of them arent pretty but they arent meant to be. Theyre just for me to always have. I can never forget this place and have so many habits ingrained into me that i picked up here. One, for example, is when someone is talking to me, even not at work, I often look to the right while talking because when a customer asks for a certain kind of ice cream before saying ok, I look to the freezer on my right to be sure we have it first even though there are other freezers, that one is closest to see and i carried the habit over into conversations outside work. And I reach for a refrigerator that isnt there. It hasnt been for years but once in a while I reach to open it to get milk. The habit is so ingrained. And once in a while I still reach for the dipwell that hasnt been in place for about nine or ten years. I dont need pictures to help me remember! But i love to have them!

This reminds me how very powerful habits we develop are and I’m inspired to maintain\develop positive ones.

It’s going to take some getting used to not being here now. The place is a part of me and always will be. There are always good things about each stage, age, phase of life we’re currently experiencing. Closing time reminds me to always appreciate where I am and what I have; I usually do anyway but reminders are great! And Im inspired to share with others and suggest we all cherish right now even if it seems like it’s not so great. Single or taken, jobless, dead-end job, stressful job, great job, stay at home mom or dad, new child or no child, in love or not, college student or graduate, wedding planning, just married, living at home with the family we grew up with, on our own… or whatever stage we are in now, let’s embrace it, cherish it, look for the goodness in it. Each season or stage of life has its struggles, challenges, blessings, beauty, heartache, positive aspects, difficulties, love, joy….and there’s a chance when it ends we’re going to miss it even if we never thought we could. There are less regrets and less sadness, more joy and beauty when we lose something or someone if we did not take it for granted while we had it. It’s easier to let go or move forward when we knew what we had while we had it. Let’s be mindful of the love & beauty here & now.  There is nothing more painful than losing something or someone  that we love but never stopped to appreciate while we had the chance. I’m so thankful I knew what a blessing my job was (and always will be) to me. I always knew. So saying goodbye is still sad but so much easier than it could have been.

The girls gave me a shot of strawberry tequilia to see me off. At first I refused because I don’t drink alcohol and am not attracted to it in any way but my boss owns the bar across the street and she and the others, her family, my coworkers who work at the bar\kitchen really wanted me to take a shot so I did after some pleading and pushing! They all drank one with me and toasted to me and the business. ❤

The flavor is good! It’s kind of like a strawberry milkshake but alcohol flavored. But I did not like the sedated feeling or “buzz” feeling it brought me. It was nothing terrible or that I couldn’t handle but it also wasn’t the most pleasing. However, I did like how when I swallowed it, the very instant it went down my throat, I felt it throughout my whole body; it traveled up to my head n down to my toes. It was very powerful. I was reminded of being alive and mindful of my existence and body. I’m thankful for the experience. ❤

I will be seeing them at the Christmas party next month! 😀😍❤

I got so many well wishes today! Just about every person i encountered today I told my sad news to and they were all so encouraging about it and told me better things are coming to me! I know it’s true! This is the end that will lead to a new beginning! ❤😍😀 And here are a few songs that resonate with me:

“Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time
Turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time
You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.” (this song has always resonated with me in a deep way since I first heard it when I was very young. ❤ It gives me chills in a good way and tugs on my insides.)

Closing Time – semisonic – mobile

Closing Time – desktop

“You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this”

You’re Gonna Miss This – Trace Adkins – mobile

You’re Gonna Miss This – desktop

“I’ve been walkin’ these streets so long
Singin’ the same old song
I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway
Where hustle’s the name of the game
And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain
There’s been a load of compromisin’
On the road to my horizon
But I’m gonna be where the lights are shinin’ on me” ❤

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy – Glen Campbell – mobile

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy – desktop

I’m wishing you much love, light, and happness, always! ❤ ~hugs~

xoxo Kim