(Not my photo)
Recently I have been seeing blog posts and Instagram posts where people share a photo that says “I am…” then go onto reminding us all how very powerful our thoughts and words are and give examples of positive “I am” statements: I am creative, I am strong, I am intelligent…
(not my photo)
I have known for a long while that thoughts are powerful and that it’s wise to watch how we talk to\about our own selves whether it’s in our head or out loud.
I rarely feel negative or unpleasant emotions or feelings about myself and even more rarely do I speak\think insulting or abusive words about myself. So when I ever do feel or especially think an unpleasant word about myself, I feel the very toxic effect of it instantly. I’m used to only thinking positive and feeling positive things about me. For as long as I can remember, I had positive self esteem in general, often even when I am depressed.
When I do think or feel unpleasant things about myself, it’s almost always just when I’m depressed and even then I’m careful how I think\speak about myself. When I was young and depressed I often abused myself with words and thoughts but not now. Sometimes still, usually when depressed, I let myself get consumed in feelings of worthlessness and pointlessness.
Anyway, recently I was reminded how powerful words\thoughts are. I have been sick for a few days. Physically. My sinuses are very sensitive since I was little and I get sinus colds and allergies somewhat frequently, all throughout the year, not as badly as some people but very uncomfortable on some occasions and sometimes really painful. Usually not very bad though. But recently my sinuses have been hurting really badly and then my throat started to become sore. Also, I have been very fatigued. The fatigue has been really getting to me more than the sinus and throat pain. It has been distressing me emotionally. I’m almost never fatigued anymore.
When I do get fatigued for days, I fear that the Sickness has returned. The darkness. Since I was a little girl I struggled with Depression almost constantly for many years until May 2010 when I began to get better and only have recurring severe episodes, not constant depression anymore. There’s something different about constantly or nearly constantly being depressed and just having recurrent episodes. Both suck. But living in near constant darkness is worse than having episodes that come and go. I was depressed and suicidal in different depths and degrees for nearly fourteen years. And depressed even before that but I was too young to be suicidal back then. Very little kids can be suicidal but I wasn’t until I was thirteen years old. But even before that, I would become very depressed every Summer, so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed or off the sofa. My friends would knock for me to go out and play and I could hardly move. My mom would try to get me up but I wouldn’t, couldn’t. There was nothing physically wrong with me, at least not primarily. The fatigue was a result of the depression. This was way before depression became more well known and talked about.
Then my depression, suicidal inclination and contemplation, and fatigue became just the way I generally lived until May 2010 when I decided I can get myself better. I received professional help for years before that but that May in 2010 is the beginning to my true journey to recovery. I may never be fully recovered but I’m much, much better than I was all those years ago. It took so much work, strength, courage…but here I am!
Along with professional help, I practice meditation, appreciative living techniques, and strengthening my natural positive personality to make it more intentional, to counter the depression by being forcefully, ferociously positive. I have always been someone who is naturally optimistic but depression requires work to make that even more conscious and intentional.
So anyway, recently I feared my physical sickness may really be the Sickness. Depression really can feel so physical, like we are dying, not just dying inside, that too, but actually dying. It can feel like a common cold, influenza, just so physical. I have met people who have said depression hurts worse than painful, life threatening physical illnesses they once battled. And we can be depressed and not even realize! After all these years sometimes I still get depressed without realizing right away. Sometimes I think I’m getting a cold and it’s really depression coming on. Some occasions I think I’m just worthless and not depressed when really it’s depression provoking those thoughts.
I kept thinking “I’m so sick, I’m so weak (physically), ” I am so fatigued!…” and each one of those thoughts, i felt taking even more energy out of me. The fatigue scared me. It was bone deep and so all consuming. I was reaching for a book on my bookshelf thinking “I am so sick” when suddenly I remembered that trend thing I keep seeing around with the “I am…” and how those two words are so powerful so whatever comes after them better be good.
And I thought to myself “I am…strong” “I am resilient” “I am optimistic” “I am beautiful”
And of course I’m still going to be sick and fatigued and whatever else because words and thoughts very likely won’t directly cure something but the point is to shift our focus to what is good, to place our awareness on our positive qualities and situations.
(not my photo)
This isn’t about denying or repressing or ignoring our unfortunate or unpleasant situations. That is unhealthy. But so is dwelling on them, feeding into them with too much of our attention.
Thinking positively generates positive, healing energy. And just makes it easier to cope with unpleasant things. So let’s list some positive “I am…” statements.
I am strong.
I am powerful.
I am thankful.
I am beautiful.
I am wise.
I am creative.
I am hopeful.
I am resilient.
I am optimistic.
I am fierce.
I am empowered.
I am enough.
I am confident.
I am compassionate.
I am warmth.
I am tender.
I am beauty.
I am Light.
I am sacred.
I am Love.
Luckily I am not depressed, it’s just a yucky cold. It’s not even a really bad cold, just unpleasant. But this cold gave me the opportunity to put positive thinking into practice and see incredible instant results and be reminded of a life lesson. And I want to share in hopes that it may inspire someone else. I am so thankful for all the people who have been posting the “I am…” things. We may not always realize just how deeply our posts on social media can touch others. Let’s keep sharing that positivity!
Much love & light to you, always!
😍 ❤ 😀
xoxo Kim ❤