Recently, one of my furbabies died. Not one of mine who I live with but one who I took care of while her furmama goes away on business trips. Her name is Pinky & she was a little Boston terrier mix and so adorable. Just like my baby, Boobie, Pinky is a mama of twins. She has twin boys and my sweet girl has boy/girl twins! ♡ Also, Pinky was thirteen years old when she died just like Boobie. I find this loss shattering just like when my own die. It’s one of the downfalls of having a job working with many animals. The more we come to know and love deeply, the more we lose. The one thing that brings me a great sense of consolation after this terrible loss is, I loved Pinky fully while she was alive. I still love her now but now it’s just a feeling in my mind as there’s nothing I can do for her. When she was alive, I acted on my feeling of love for her, spoiling her and doing as much as I could. To know this and remember it is a great source of comfort, helping to heal my grief.
I always loved taking care of Pinky and her baby boys. The one dog doesn’t like to stay out long for walks so I take him out to go potty then bring him back and Pinky never wanted to come home! She always wanted to stay out and would run back to the door for a second, longer walk after bringing the little boy back. So I would almost always take her & the other little boy back for a longer walk even when it was late and I was ready to call it a day.
I prefer when my workday ends earlier than late. It’s not that I prefer less work, I just like when it ends before it gets late. I don’t mind working into the night. It’s just my preference though to have my workday end earlier. But when the babies want me to stay, I stay, even when my work is done. So I would stay and take Pinky for her second, longer walk whenever I could. Sometimes, I would even be thinking consciously, they aren’t going to live forever, we aren’t going to live forever. I want to make them as happy as I can while I can.
And after each visit, I always would kiss them goodbye, sometimes more than once. I would sit on the sofa for extra cuddles with them no matter how late it got.
The reason I share this isn’t to brag about how much good I did. It’s to share my own example of how loving more makes it so much easier to cope with a devastating loss. All I have is my grief and painful sense of loss, which is just a usual reaction to losing someone or something we love. I have no guilt or regrets surrounding it, no “if only’s…”. I share this hoping others will be reminded to cherish everything present right now. Go the distance to help others even if it puts us out a little bit, even if we’re ready to go home and sleep or rest, savor every moment we have with our pets, family, friends, and remember to stop and appreciate our job, house, stage of life we are currently in, even inanimate objects that may seem trivial. When we appreciate & love fully & give thanks right now, it’s easier when we have to say goodbye. It may not lessen our sense of grief or loss but will help so we don’t have an additional struggle of regretting and feeling as if we missed out or could have done better. The main reason I want to love more always, isn’t for me, so I don’t struggle with regret or guilt, but for them, for everyone else, to make the world a better place wherever I can. But it’s also good to not have to be sorry we did not love more. And that’s the aspect I’m focusing on in this post.
The loss of Pinky is so, so incredibly heartbreaking to me just like when my own furbabies get old and die. It feels like something in my chest being ripped out, physically. Especially when I think about her harness. She would lift her little legs to get them in it when I would go over to her with it. It knocked the wind out of me when my boss told me. But it’s really her sweet mama’s loss(and her twin pups). My heart goes out to her furmama who loves and takes great care of them. And to her puppies who lost their furry mama. All three dogs were always very close. ♡ Pinky had a beautiful, happy life with her loving family. In every experience, I find life lessons to be learned and reminded of. No matter how painful an experience is, there is something we can find in it and use to bring a little bit more beauty to the world.
So this is a reminder to us all to love more. ♡♡♡ Love as much as possible.
I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are. Much love & light to you. ~Hugs~ ♡♡♡