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My Endless Love❤

“…and your eyes
Your eyes, your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Ooh yes, you will always be
My endless love.”❤

Last year I got to spend Valentine’s Day with this lil baby. His name is Quincy. He got sick and died a few months ago but he’ll always be my endless love. I did not get to see him frequently and I cherished (and still cherish) every moment we shared together. He lived in a nursing home with his daddy and I used to walk him sometimes. He was so sweet & adorable and a lil porker. Sometimes he was mischievous and would run out into the hallway when he wasn’t supposed to. He knew how to get back to his room after we got back inside the building and stepped off the elevator. He knew his way around better than I did. He was never snappy and always sweet. He let me pick him up. I would take him to the park and he had so many friends there. Everyone, everywhere loved him. He got endless compliments.

Last year, on Valentine’s Day, they were having a big Valentine’s Day party for the nursing home residents. All the old people were dressed up and dancing to this song.

Endless Love – Lionel Richie/Diana Ross

How cute!

I miss & love Quincy and am so thankful our lives crossed. His death still knocks the wind out of me. It was so unexpected. He just got sick overnight. My heart completely broke when my boss told us.

But my love is more powerful than the pain of the loss. Quincy was around eleven years old I think. And he lived a very happy life and was surrounded by so much love.

In loving memory of sweet Quincy baby…💘❤

Xoxo Kim

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Love is never lost❤

“All this time, I had hoped and prayed for a miracle. Maybe I’d missed it. Maybe the real miracle was all around me. Perhaps the greatest miracle of all was that I could let her go and never lose her. Why? I don’t know. I don’t think God explains why. Not because he isn’t listening or because he doesn’t care. But perhaps because the reasons don’t make sense. Not now, anyway. When Lazarus died, Christ didn’t tell his sisters everything would be all right. It wasn’t. Lazarus was dead and they were in pain. Christ knew Lazarus would live but he didn’t belittle his friends’ grief. He didn’t try to explain it away. He didn’t try to dry their tears. He wept with them. He loved them. It’s in that love that I trust now.”

Warning – Spoiler alert about a movie I watched, called Charley! This is a quote in the movie that I shared above. It’s about a Morman man who falls in love with a girl who is very unlike the kind of girl he always thought of as his dream girl. He always thought he wanted a simple, predictable woman. A woman who is reserved and grew up religious, one who is “safe” and cautious like himself.

Then he meets Charley and she’s anything but predictable. She’s loud and funny and spontaneous. She’s outgoing and skeptical. He never knows what shes going to say or do next.

Here is the spoiler.

I was in the mood for a lighthearted, funny romantic comedy, which is what this movie is at first. Then it turns dark out of nowhere. It was completely unexpected. In the description it says nothing about a tragedy which occurs towards the end. I won’t completely give it away but the man suffers a great loss. At first he will not accept it. He outright refuses. He denies. He screams, cries, sobs, yells in anger, throws things. He has a breakdown and cannot understand why his god would allow him to experience such a tragedy. He prays & prays for what he thinks is the biggest miracle.

And it never happens. His prayer is not answered how he desperately hoped it would be. At first, he cannot bear his devastating loss. Then he realizes that when we love someone, even when that someone dies, we don’t lose that love. Love is forever.

I love the message about non-attachment. Even though I’m not a Mormon or woman of any kind of religious faith where they believe in a god, I find that this message resonates with me on a deep level.

Perhaps the greatest miracle of all was that I could let her go and never lose her.

We can let go of those we love when we have to and still not lose that love we share with them. We will love & lose as long as we live, humans & nonhumans, friends, family, pets…and it will be extremely painful but we will go on and carry that love with us, always.

Also, I love the message about Jesus letting his friends grieve, weep, and cope with their terrible loss, without trying to make everything ok, without invalidating their pain, without any kind of platitudes. He just lets them be and shares their pain. I understand someone can argue that Jesus could have prevented this death or just healed their grief with his special powers….but that isn’t my point here.

Im not looking at this with a religious point of view as I am not a believer in this sort of thing. I’m just looking at it as a story with an inspiring aspect to it. This is a great way to be to others. To let them live their experiences without trying to change them or make things ok that can never be ok. No matter how positive we are and how happy we will be later, some things just aren’t ok to some people at this moment no matter what someone says or does. Suffering a devastating loss of someone close to us, human or nonhuman, may just never seem ok. And it may be better in some cases to let someone grieve, weep, suffer…how that person has to before moving forward into healing.

In this story, Jesus cried along with them. Sometimes maybe all someone needs is for us to sit close and share that pain.

What an inspiring movie. It is a religious movie but I also see a deeper message that even a “non-believer,” like myself, can be inspired by if we allow our mind to be open. The deeper message can resonate with us whether we are religious or not. It’s about how life can still be beautiful even after loss or other unpleasant experiences and how Love never truly is lost.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Much love & light & hugs!❤

Xoxo Kim

Roll with it, Baby!❤

“When life is too much, roll with it, baby

Don’t stop and lose your touch, oh no, baby

Hard times knocking on your door

I’ll tell them you ain’t there no more

Get on through it, roll with it, baby

Luck’ll come and then slip away

You’ve gotta move, bring it back to stay

You just roll with it, baby”

Roll with it – Steve Winwood

“A monk asked ‘What does it mean to go where there’s no cold or heat?’
Tung-shan said, ‘In the cold, cold freezes you; in the heat, heat burns you up.'” 💛
💙
💚
💜
💗
Roll with it, Baby! ❤🕉️ #acceptance #justbe #koan #buddha #love #wisdom #inspiration #breathe #oneness #zen #loverofreality #justbreathe #gowiththeflow #rollwithit #keephurdling #itsallgood #itiswhatitis #shithappens #suckitup #detachment #renunciation #wwbd #whatwouldbuddhado #letitgo #keepgoing #yougotthis #livewithitandloveit #deepwisdom

This is a post of mine on Instagram I shared somewhat recently. I copied the tags and pasted them here because they add to the wisdom of the koan I shared with the picture.

I shared this on Instagram because the wisdom is so inspiring but never realized that not long later, my own post would sooth & inspire me more than ever.

Last night, I was listening to music on my super old phone. It’s a blackberry phone that is broken mostly but some parts, including music & memos, still work. I use it frequently and have years of poetic/philosophical/creative/deep….writings & things on it. Most of these writings are my own and some are the writings of others that I find fascinating & inspiring. I don’t remember who all the writers are or where to find the writings again. I just have it all saved onto my old phone.

While listening to the music, I accidentally hit my phone against a bar on my bed and the phone shut down and won’t come back on. So years of brilliance gone! Lol I have experienced things like this before, losing stuff I have written and can never get back but this is the worst one yet. I even have a few philosophical essays/writings I wrote in college that I saved off the university account (which I know longer have) onto that phone and have been so thankful to still have. Hundreds upon hundreds, probably thousands of files gone. Some I kept just for me to read but most I eventually planned to share, things I poured my “heart & soul” into and now wish I would have just shared it all already.

I was laying in bed thinking how this kills me & looking at my own Instagram account when I came across this post I recently shared. For a few seconds, especially while reading the tags I put on it, I felt soothed and inspired.

My “grief” comes in waves just like any other form of grief. This grief though is nowhere near the magnitude of grief experienced after the loss of a human or animal/nonhuman friend or family member/…… It’s beyond disappointing but I wouldn’t say I’m shattered or even devastated. Though I feel as if some sort of devastation may hit later.

I keep remembering specific things I lost like certain writings, e-books, and website links I don’t remember but looked at a lot. I just remember the content, not the names or links. More & more keep coming to me and automatically, I try to repress it so as not to remember more of what I lost. I feel that it’s like losing a big part of myself. It was like an electronic journal of sorts. So many of my experiences & reflections…gone.

When this happened before but not as much or good stuff lost, I fell into a depression for a while. Usually, things that happen in my environment don’t trigger a depressive episode/symptoms but sometimes they can. This morning I very briefly wondered if this would provoke some sort of depression in me.

This experience reminds me how much more evolved I am than some years ago. Years ago, I would have found this incident almost unbearable. I was way more attached. But now, though it’s way more than just a minor annoyance or disappointment, it’s not a catastrophe! And this experience also shows me how much more I still have to evolve. It’s not the end of the world but it’s still bad enough to me that I woke up with anxiety and still have anxiety off & on. I’m very disturbed and keep wishing it would come back on and bring all my stuff back to me.

So it’s a good thing to have this experience to inspire me to work even more to get better & better. Also, it’s a reminder of my lighthearted, easily amused nature! I have always been very easily amused and playful and even when severely depressed or grieving, I am able to sense my cheerful nature underneath it all.

Last night I searched Google in a desperate attempt to find any little bit of hope that my phone would somehow come back on. I couldn’t find any hope on the net but saw someone wrote “My blackberry z10 croaked today” and I burst out laughing. It gave me a belly laugh and when I was telling my mom, I could hardly talk!

Unpleasant things can bring out much pleasantness if we are open to it!❤

So this koan here that I shared on Insta. Shows us how if we just roll with it and go with the flow, just let the self dissolve into the situation, no matter how unpleasant or painful, we will become one with it til it’s no more. Just let it be. Tolerate it. Then accept it. Then welcome it. Then embrace it. It is what it is and it cannot be different. The tags that helped me the most when I saw my post are #shithappens & #suckitup. Just reading those, I found it so uplifting. It’s just so true. A little bit of “tough love” to lift the spirit!😆😊

If you are experiencing anything unpleasant (and also pleasant things!), no matter how serious or trivial, just remember to roll with it, baby! You got this!!

(Lol photo not mine!)

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Always be my baby❤

“You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling ’cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling ’cause you’ll always be my baby”❤

Always Be My Baby – Mariah Carrey

Recently, I experienced one of the most heartbreaking aspects of my job. The most difficult part of the job is losing the animals I take care of, either to death or them moving away. Them dying is more painful. If they move away, they are still happy & healthy, & alive!😊 But it’s still so incredibly painful when it happens.

And recently this happened. One of my babies moved away to another state. I’m devastated. 💔 I had no idea that was going to happen. Just last week, we stood together, hugging, and I thought about how I can stay like this forever. Just holding a big dog in my arms. The best feeling in the world!💙

He is a big, big boy! He stands up on his back legs and hugs and kisses. He is a big teddy bear who loves everyone. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to not get to see him anymore. But that’s just the way it is. We live, love, & lose. My grief seems overwhelming at some points but I know it’s not a bad thing at all. It’s just what happens when we love & lose. It happens to me again & again & again throughout the years because I have had so many pets of my own and now take care of animals for my job. There’s so much grief and loss but only because there’s so, so much love!❤

I always endure the grief, survive it, & move forward. Each loss is new and different and there’s not really any getting used to it completely. But since it happens over & over, it’s not completely new and I know what’s coming and how I have endured it before and will again, for sure. It’s probably easier for me than for someone who isn’t as accustomed to it.

Last night while laying in bed, I felt that old, familiar throbbing throughout my whole existence, but for someone new. That same urgent throbbing like having a severely abscessed tooth, but much worse. The same “How can this be?” The same wringing of the hands.

And I just let it throb, just let it be, embracing it and knowing it just is what it is.

I thought about how Mac will always be my baby no matter what. Distance & time doesn’t matter. Our lives crossed and touched and nothing can change that. I love him & he loves me and being separated can’t take that away.

I remembered this song sung by Mariah Carrey, which I always loved! Last night though, I really listened to the lyrics and let them sink in. I realized how it’s a song about true, non attached love. She is singing about how she will let him go, let him fly, if that’s what he wants. But she will always love him. That is true love! Letting someone go if we must, for whatever reason, but still loving the person. I found it soothing & healing. And now have been listening to it over and over!😆

Loving doesn’t mean we have to see someone or be in contact. We can love/wish others the best, hope they are happy, healthy, & living wherever in the world they are. And if they are dead we can still be thankful our lives crossed.

I’m so thankful that Mac is a happy boy, healthy, and alive, and so loved by his family! (And me!❤) That’s all that matters! And he’ll always be my baby! (Even though he’s actually not mine…I have to remind myself every now & again that no matter how much I love them, they are not my own!😆)

Hugs & love,

Xoxo Kim ❤

FLIP the gratitude switch

“There is success embedded in every failure.
Without gratitude, failure is nothing more than disappointment.
There is joy embedded in despair.
Without gratitude, despair is nothing more than a hole left unfilled.
There is hope embedded in tragedy. Without gratitude, tragedy is nothing more than loss of hope.
There is healing embedded in pain. Without gratitude, pain is simply unnecessary.
There is a new beginning embedded in every ending.
Without gratitude, endings are always final.”

Found this in a book by Kevin Clayson. FLIP the Gratitude Switch How empowering! I am naturally positive & optimistic but it’s definitely good to have reminders sometimes and work to strengthen that natural positive disposition!

In every situation we can experience, there is something to be thankful for. Even if the experience itself doesn’t seem to have a bright side, there is something good we can give thanks for in the midst of it or we can allow the terrible, or merely unpleasant, experience to inspire us to do good for others. For example, if we have a difficult disability or illness, or other painful experience, we can reach out to others in similar situations and be a source of comfort & light, as we know just what it’s like. If we lose someone to an illness or other tragedy, we can support organizations that promote awareness or treatment/cures/support….for those struggling with the illness or whatever it may be, & their family/friends. If we hear about a massacre in the news, we can make the decision to donate blood, platelets, power red….if we are eligible, not just for those in that massacre but for people in general who may need it(every 56 days we can donate BLOOD if we want & keep someone else ALIVE!).

(Redcrossblood.org)

Let horrific and other difficult things inspire us to act in love & gives thanks for the opportunities. 💗

We can bring positivity into a place where there seems to be none, even if just in our head. A shift in attitude.

The not so good experience can be something severe like chronic pain, depression, grief & loss or something seemingly small & trivial next to those things like a flat car tire, spilling something on our clothes, stuck in traffic…

At least it’s only a flat tire, not the engine broken, at least we have a car to have a flat tire, give thanks for the ability to get into a car & drive, at least we’re just stuck in traffic & not killed in traffic or in a collision…

This isn’t at all promoting giving thanks that it’s us still alive while someone else isn’t or being relieved that someone else is the unfortunate one. I will never promote that and I don’t believe Mr. Clayson is promoting that either. The point is simply to look at our own situation and see the good in it whatever else is going on. We can all do this. Being thankful for our own goodness isn’t going to hurt others and repressing gratitude out of guilt that we are better off than some, isn’t going to help them at all. So let’s give thanks!

An example I have, which is more on the trivial side but still sucks, is yesterday morning, one of my dogs (one who I take care of for someone, not one of the ones I live with), broke my phone! Oh rats! He’s a very wild boy, doesn’t always listen, & is very strong. He knocks me over when we’re playing! He wasn’t listening to me and he shattered the part of my phone that takes pictures! That’s the last part I want broken, as I love taking pics most days! Oh well.

But instantly, I thought, at least my phone still turns on, the apps still work, I still can take pics, all my info wasn’t lost, it’s so good to have a job working with animals (even when they destroy my stuff!), I’m not sick today…Instead of a stream of negative thoughts like how disappointing, now I have to spend money on a new phone, why couldn’t it have been a different part that broke…I chose to see the good in this situation and just the general good.

Then last night, he jumped into a big puddle, soaking my shoes & socks and wetting my pants. He was all soaked n jumped on me, rubbing his wet face & chest all off on my new hoodie. And the water he jumped in smelled like sour stuff because there was food all dissolved in it.

Of course, I laughed hysterically! It was very uncomfortable, physically but I got a good belly laugh out of it. And’s it’s adorable how he cleaned himself all off on my clothes. 😍 Again, I saw the light in this situation. Any of us can do this on any occasion!

It is important to keep in mind that no matter how unimportant/trivial the unpleasant experience is, this life philosophy applies to it. Each day, many/most/all of us experience minor stresses or annoyances like dropping something, encountering someone we would prefer not to, seeing a post on social media we don’t like,….if we practice FLIPing with these simple things, we will be more equip with skills to cope with more deeply disappointing or devastating things like illness, grief/loss, other more serious situations.

Sometimes it will be easier to see the bright side than others and occasionally, we may have to force it but it can be done even if we have to “fake it til we make it” sometimes. Keep practicing & making the choice to see the good and it will become easier & easier until it’s a way of life.

To keep choosing over & over throughout each day whenever something unpleasant happens, even something very small and trivial like our shoelace untying, all the way up to the horrific & tragic, like someone dying, to give thanks for what is still good, is life-altering, for the better.

Keep making that choice, no matter how difficult it may be, to FLIP that switch & shine light on the goodness! 💖

Much love & light to you, always! 💖

Xoxo Kim

Reminder♡

Recently, one of my furbabies died. Not one of mine who I live with but one who I took care of while her furmama goes away on business trips. Her name is Pinky & she was a little Boston terrier mix and so adorable. Just like my baby, Boobie, Pinky is a mama of twins. She has twin boys and my sweet girl has boy/girl twins! ♡ Also, Pinky was thirteen years old when she died just like Boobie. I find this loss shattering just like when my own die. It’s one of the downfalls of having a job working with many animals. The more we come to know and love deeply, the more we lose. The one thing that brings me a great sense of consolation after this terrible loss is, I loved Pinky fully while she was alive. I still love her now but now it’s just a feeling in my mind as there’s nothing I can do for her. When she was alive, I acted on my feeling of love for her, spoiling her and doing as much as I could. To know this and remember it is a great source of comfort, helping to heal my grief. 

I always loved taking care of Pinky and her baby boys. The one dog doesn’t like to stay out long for walks so I take him out to go potty then bring him back and Pinky never wanted to come home! She always wanted to stay out and would run back to the door for a second, longer walk after bringing the little boy back. So I would almost always take her & the other little boy back for a longer walk even when it was late and I was ready to call it a day. 

I prefer when my workday ends earlier than late. It’s not that I prefer less work, I just like when it ends before it gets late. I don’t mind working into the night. It’s just my preference though to have my workday end earlier. But when the babies want me to stay, I stay, even when my work is done. So I would stay and take Pinky for her second, longer walk whenever I could.  Sometimes, I would even be thinking consciously, they aren’t going to live forever, we aren’t going to live forever. I want to make them as happy as I can while I can. 

And after each visit, I always would kiss them goodbye, sometimes more than once. I would sit on the sofa for extra cuddles with them no matter how late it got. 

The reason I share this isn’t to brag about how much good I did. It’s to share my own example of how loving more makes it so much easier to cope with a devastating loss. All I have is my grief and painful sense of loss, which is just a usual reaction to losing someone or something we love. I have no guilt or regrets surrounding it, no “if only’s…”. I share this hoping others will be reminded to cherish everything present right now. Go the distance to help others even if it puts us out a little bit, even if we’re ready to go home and sleep or rest, savor every moment we have with our pets, family, friends, and remember to stop and appreciate our job, house, stage of life we are currently in, even inanimate objects that may seem trivial. When we appreciate & love fully & give thanks right now, it’s easier when we have to say goodbye. It may not lessen our sense of grief or loss but will help so we don’t have an additional struggle of regretting and feeling as if we missed out or could have done better. The main reason I want to love more always, isn’t for me, so I don’t struggle with regret or guilt, but for them, for everyone else, to make the world a better place wherever I can. But it’s also good to not have to be sorry we did not love more. And that’s the aspect I’m focusing on in this post. 

The loss of Pinky is so, so incredibly heartbreaking to me just like when my own furbabies get old and die. It feels like something in my chest being ripped out, physically. Especially when I think about her harness. She would lift her little legs to get them in it when I would go over to her with it. It knocked the wind out of me when my boss told me. But it’s really her sweet mama’s loss(and her twin pups). My heart goes out to her furmama who loves and takes great care of them. And to her puppies who lost their furry mama. All three dogs were always very close. ♡ Pinky had a beautiful, happy life with her loving family. In every experience, I find life lessons to be learned and reminded of. No matter how painful an experience is, there is something we can find in it and use to bring a little bit more beauty to the world. 

So this is a reminder to us all to love more. ♡♡♡ Love as much as possible. 

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are. Much love & light to you. ~Hugs~ ♡♡♡ 

Xoxo Kim

Update 

This isn’t my photo. I took a screen cap of it on Facebook on the cafe’s account. This is Sal. I posted about him in my post: A Light in the Darkness♡

I’m so sad to write, shortly after I published my post that night, Sal died. It hurts to write those words. He was 55 years old. As I said, I did not know him but know he was one of the best people in the world. I believe the world lost something so significant when it lost Sal. He did so much to help animals & humans and loved so deeply. Even though hes gone, his love lives on. ♡ My love goes out to his family & friends & work family and all devastated by this loss. How traumatic for them to lose someome so suddenly, so unexpectedly. But what a blessing it is to have known or even just met or heard of him! Isn’t this an adorable pic?! 

And on a happier note, the retrievers I posted about here: If you could be

I later found out, the little boy doesn’t bark at all! Even with his own family. The little girl very rarely barks! How cute! It’s not very commonplace to meet a doggy who doesn’t bark at all, ever! There’s a certain dog breed who doesn’t bark but it’s not goldens! 


And on a not so happy note, I made a bad decision at work today, using bad judgment, got in trouble, and it cost my boss some money. I wasnt sure if i was still going to have a job. All day filled with anxiety, tension, distress… If I were someone who labels days as “bad days,” today would be one but I know there’s no such thing as a “bad day.” Everyday, bad & good things happen and I always choose to honor the good, even if just a sliver. 



It’s very rare, almost unheard of, for me to ever think “I can’t way til this day is over” but earlier, very briefly, I was tempted to think that way. Then I felt guilty and realized this day is BEAUTIFUL. This day is full of love, warmth, light, possibility, & beautiful Earth angels. I choose to put my focus on those & cherish them. I give thanks to this day and all the blessings it brings me.

Today, I was outside having trouble with a gate and a random stranger walked up and helped me. Just out of nowhere. He saw me struggling and was kind enough to help. Thank you, Earth angel. My heart wells up with gratitude. ♡

Earlier today, a homeless man asked me for money. As I was walking away, money fell out of my bag and I did not notice and he called me back! “Hey darlin’, you dropped this” A man who lives on the streets with very little to no money each day, called me to let me know I dropped some money. It was just some change, not much at all. But to a homeless person, it can be a lot. And instead of acting in a selfish, greedy manner, he chose to act in love. ♡♡♡

I met an adorable little boy today. I love kids (not for me though! Lol) & always have the urge to talk to them and say hello. I think kids brighten the day! But I don’t want to encourage them to talk to strangers. If they have a positive, safe experience with me, they may think it’s ok to talk to other adult strangers. Also, their families probably teach them not to talk to strange adults and I don’t want to “undo” that. But today, a little boy came over and asked to pet my dogs. The retrievers above. The goldens love everyone, humans & adults, and his mom gave him permission to pet them and talk to me so I let him. It’s the most adorable thing seeing a little kid hugging a dog! And the babies loved being loved by him. ♡

The little boy was so happy and proudly telling me all about how he just started Kindergarten. That’s a great accomplishment for a little boy! He was telling me what I have to do if I want to go to Kindergarten! His mom and me were laughing. How cute! ♡ My heart just melts.

Also, I met an adorable little chi today who looks just like my boy! ♡ 


My boy ♡

And, my boss is collecting clothes & things to help the people devastated by the hurricane in Puerto Rico. I’m so thankful to see so much light brought into the darkness. And look who crawled into my donations bag! Lol ♡

 Little Miss Lacey! ♡ She’s not being donated! My love goes out to all of those affected by these natural disasters. 
There’s so much goodness all around us. It’s so easy to see and even when it isn’t, if we only look, it’s here, there, everywhere. ♡

Much love & light, always, ♡

xoxo Kim