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Healing Anxiety Activity🖤

This is an Instagram post of mine I’m sharing here!

This is not a good picture but it’s the concept I’m sharing. Five years ago, I lost my close friend, who was my coworker, unexpectedly, to a heart attack or sudden cardiac arrest, whatever the correct term is. Anyway, her heart just stopped out of nowhere and she collapsed to the floor and died. It wrecked & traumatized my whole world. I developed anxiety that I never had before. Not a fullblown condition but I would have sudden, insense anxiety/fear, out of the blue. Very difficult to endure. Not panic attacks but still a sense of panic. It was not interfering with life in general but definitely with my sleep and peace of mind. Not anxious thoughts usually, but anxious sensations. Bolts of fear surging through me and gripped in panic along with a couple anxious thoughts sometimes. Through the years those anxiety episodes have lessened but I still experience them. They are no longer about Diane’s death, exactly, but still rooted in that. Recently, I experienced a tragic pet loss and because of the circumstances, that fear has been coming back more again, in waves, and interfering with my sleep. My heart pounds when I’m laying as if I was running a marathon. And my insides are like in turmoil. It’s all day but worse at night. The way I see anxiety in my head is like small, sharp, gray/silver balls of activity wreaking havoc on my insides. Sometimes I imagine the balls of anxiety and visualize white or golden light around them, absorbing them into it until they are gone and only light remains. I decided to draw a picture of my imagination. I don’t draw or anything and not creative but decided to give it a try. I drew the balls in pencil then erased them til they became lighter, as if to lose much of their power, then colored them in yellow. I also wrote the word anxiety at the top and erased it then wrote inner peace over it. I colored around the paper in purple because purple/lavendar is soothing to look at and lavendar scent can have a calming effect. The pencil isn’t scented though. This is symbolic of healing anxiety. 💜💛 It’s a fun and soothing activity!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! It’s Morning here in Philadelphia, Pa, USA! 💛

xoxo Kim

Aesthetic Attraction 🥰💋

Me! 🖤

She’s A Bad Mama Jama (She’s Built, She’s Stacked) 💚

“She’s poetry in motion
Beautiful sight to see
I get so excited
Viewing her anatomy” 💜

Fun fact about me: I have a very strong aesthetic attraction to women, always have. Only women, both trans and cis. In case anyone is not sure what trans & cis are: A trans woman(SHE/HER – unless she states otherwise) is a person who has a body that is considered to be the body of a male(has male sexual organs) and has the gender identity/mind of a female. When they are open about it/choose to act on/express their gender identity, they often transition to whichever degree they choose(clothing, hormones, surgery…all or any of these and maybe other things) and look just like cis women look. A cis woman(SHE/HER -unless she states otherwise) is what most women are, a person who has the body of a female(female sexual organs) and also the gender identity/mind of a female and often look the way trans women who transition look. Trans and cis women are equally women no matter what organs we have or don’t have. This goes without saying but some people need to be reminded.

And sometimes, I have the aesthetic attraction to non-binary people(these are people who have any sexual organs but do not necessarily have the gender identity of a male or a female – they may have aspects of both or be agender and not have female or male aspects or some[not all] can feel male sometimes and later female or later feel agender – it’s not a choice and is valid even if it were a choice…these are just a couple examples of non-binary; there may be more and often non-binary people identify as THEY/THEM but it’s important to ask if we do not know -if unsure, asking anyone “What are your pronouns?” is completely acceptable and appropriate even someone who looks like a traditional/typical woman or man. And it’s not offensive to trans people; it is appreciated and welcome and encouraged) with strong or slight physical feminine features.

But my attraction is to female beauty and this includes women who have masculine features but still look like women.

Not any specific size, weight, age, skin color, ethnicity, long hair, short hair, no hair…just women in all of the diversity. Some more than others. It’s not a shallow or objectification thing and not sexual or romantic. Purely aesthetic. Like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or a brilliant work of art but even more inspiring and joyful.

It’s not just asexual people(those who experience little to no sexual attraction – it’s a rare & valid sexual orientation) who experience aesthetic attraction; anyone of any sexual orientation can to anyone of any gender. I met a heterosexual/straight woman online, years ago, who, like me, also has a strong aesthetic attraction to women only. She is sexually and romantically attracted to men but she finds women more pleasing to look at and goes out of her way to look.

“An essence of beauty
Ooo, such lovely hair
She’s foxy, classy
Oh, sexy sassy
She’s heavenly
A treat for the eye to see” 💜

I did not always know that’s what it is but always have known I am intensely drawn to the physical/aesthetic beauty of women and that it is not sexual/romantic. Then I learned about aesthetic attraction, which often comes with sexual attraction but the two can be separated and one can be without the other. Aesthetic attraction is loving how someone or something looks. It can be to an individual person or thing or to the kind in general. In my case, it’s women in general but stronger for some than others.

Some women are so beautiful to me, it’s like a feeling of intoxication, like when I see beautiful flowers blooming all over in the Spring under a blue, blue sky, but even more so when I see a woman.

Sometimes it’s even enough to pull me right out of a low mood, even lifting layers of a depressive episode, even pulling me out of a suicidal state if I’m in one. Not always but it does happen.

I remember many years ago, on college campus, I was depressed and suicidal and walked to Starbucks and got into the line when in front of me, I noticed an incredibly beautiful woman with long hair; she turned around and her beauty took my breath away and also literally pulled me out of my suicidal state and lifted layers of my depression. I was still depressed but less and no longer suicidal.

Like I said, this does not always happen; I can see a woman just as beautiful and it doesn’t pull me out of it or I maybe could have seen the same woman a different depressed day and not have been pulled out of it. But something about the physical beauty of a woman has a profound effect on my brain and mood and the potential to lift me to extreme elevated states no matter what my mood is already.

Even looking at myself in a mirror! lol Another day, I was depressed and suicidal, one of the worst I have ever been, and happened to look up and see my reflection in a store window, my depression was not lifted but my suicidal state was and I was able to cope better with the severe depression. I wasn’t suicidal anymore. And it wasn’t just like I liked how I look and decided I want to live, it was whatever physical effect the female physique/form/beauty has on my brain. There is probably a scientific explanation or something about how pleasing visual things can affect our mood/mental state and since women are very, very aesthetically pleasing to me, seeing us, impacts my brain like that.

There have been other days I was depressed and suicidal and looked at myself in a mirror or in pictures and it lifted my depressed and/or suicidal state. But not alway; some occasions I have looked at myself and it doesn’t lift my mood. And it’s not a discriminate thing when I see myself and it lifts a depressed mood. It’s not because it’s me and I like how I look. It’s the fact that I’m looking at a woman who I see as physically beautiful. It could just as well be a stranger. It does happen when I look at strangers, both in person and in pictures.

And if I’m not depressed at all and very happy, looking at a woman still lifts me, and the impact can last for days. One day, I was already very happy (I usually am happy) and I saw a stunning young woman with very long, brown hair and a belly shirt, smiling, holding hands with a man; I hardly noticed him but her beauty lifted me in this amazing way like seeing the beautiful sun rising over the city skyline or seeing flowers blossoming everywhere in the beginning of Spring but even more powerful. This feeling lasted a week just seeing her that briefly. It doesn’t always last that long but sometimes does, long after the woman is out of view, even days later. Some other “things” can do this for me too, like flowers for example. But not to the same depth. I put “things” in quotations because women are not things; flowers are. The word “other” implies that women are things and I wasnt sure how else to put it. Buildings also. But nothing like a pretty girl.

Recently, there were people arguing, blowing things up, yelling, some military looking police I have never seen before recently, with large guns drawn in the middle of Philadelphia, felt like being in the middle of a warzone, like somethig right out of a history book or war movie, negative things in the media and just a general feeling of heaviness and hopelessness then I noticed a beautiful young woman with long, wavy orange hair walking up the street, in a white, flowery sundress, holding hands with a man, and she had the biggest, brightest smile and sparkling eyes. A light in all this darkness. Again, I did not notice him. Her beauty overshadowed everything else. All of a sudden, the heaviness and hopeless feeling in the air was gone and everything in the world was momentarily right. Her physical beauty along with the joy and happiness radiating, filled me with joy and inspiration. I can tell she is beautiful on the inside too, positive energy surrounding her.

Later, the heavy feeling returned and I had this almost unbearable migraine-like headache then I remembered her and smiled.

It reminds me to smile even more and keep my energy positive. We never know who is looking and being affected for better or worse!

Also, the aesthetic attraction is stronger when they have clothes on. lol I see pics people share of some women with no clothes on and don’t mind at all but I noticed I prefer them with clothes. I also prefer them in non-sexual situations/positions. I have nothing against the pics where they are expressing their sexuality in explicit ways but I love the ones where they aren’t, more. When I was a kid, I did used to sneak playboy magazines in my dad’s workplace that the men had in there, to see all the lovely girls in swimsuits and things, but they were clothed to some degree and standing alone. Before the internet became more advanced/popular, I used to spend hundreds of dollars on magazines just to see the pretty girls plastered all over the pages. I hardly even read them, just looked. The inspiration it would fill me with is indescribable. Not inspiration to do anything, just a general feeling of inspiration throughout my being.

Like walking through a museum of beautiful sculptures but more joyous.

I would also take hundreds of pictures of myself(still do! lol) just to look at them and feel that inspiration and intoxication and joy. Sometimes it brightens my day just to look at a picture of myself.

Now I follow thousands of fashion and makeup instagram accounts to look at all those beauties. My newsfeed is full of beautiful women.

Again, it’s not objectification. I know a woman is much more than just looks and also inner beauty is more important! But that doesn’t lessen my joy and inspiration, looking at us!

And the aesthetic attraction isn’t just to real women but can be something that looks like a woman. Like a mannequin. It gives me that same intoxicated/joyous/inspired feeling as a real woman if it’s beautiful and realistic enough. Some mannequins are just scary. lol One day, again, I was depressed(I’m not always depressed! lol I have episodes and waves here and there) and saw a mannequin that has the realistic body of a woman (I don’t think it even had a head) and was in a store window wearing pretty clothes and stilletos and it just lifted me. I was about on the verge of becoming suicidal and the mannequin stopped it right in its tracks. Thanks!

This is not the mannequin I saw but another sexy one! And this is not my photo; it’s a screencap. ❤ It’s the first “plus-sized” mannequin for this company, NIKE, I think.

Anyway, so there we have it! A fun (and creepy) fact about me!

Aesthetic attraction is not a choice but even if I could choose it, I would! I’m thankful I turned out to have this kind of attraction to women because women are such lovely creatures! And thankful to have the aesthetic attraction without the romantic and sexual attraction because that would probably be distracting and I like experiencing the pure, raw joy of the aesthetic pleasure without the distraction and dilution of the sexual/romantic. Also, aesthetic attraction has a “no strings attached” kind of way about it. I just want to look, not touch or be touched, or want anything in return or want a mutual feeling. I don’t even necesssarily want to be noticed back. I am fulfilled and content just seeing a beautiful woman walk by me on the street then never again. Just that can lift me for a week! Maybe more!

Not always but usually people who experience sexual and romantic attraction want it back in return and like want to touch and stuff. lol! No thanks; I’m good with just looking. What a blessing to have this gift. I don’t mind seeing men or people who do not have feminine physical features, of course! I am just not aesthetically attracted to them.

There are some men I find to be exceptionally good looking but still do not bring me the aesthetic pleasure anywhere near to the same extent a woman can. And it doesn’t happen very often. I have the aesthetic attraction to women in general everyday; for men, it’s seldom individual cases and to a much lesser degree.

Whenever I do find men to be aesthetically pleasing, they are usually African American or “big”/have extra weight. Not always though. For women, there is no skin color/ethnicity/size that usually stands out as most pleasing to me. It’s equal all the way around.

In that comedy movie “John Tucker Must Die,” (lol) the one boy is like girl crazy and likes a new girl at school and his brother told him that he doesn’t think she is his brother’s type and the brother responded something like “GIRL is my type.” lol

Sounds about right!

And I admit, I am not completely educated on the appropriate/respectful way to talk/write about things relating to trans people. I for sure know about using the appropriate pronouns!! But if I write/say something that comes off as disrespectful/inappropriate, it’s only because I am not yet educated. I’m working on it. I am 100% in support of ALL trans people!!

So please correct me if anything here or any post can be worded better. To not, respectfully, call us out on it does a disservice to us all. We are trying to have an all inclusive, understanding society, who celebrates and promotes diversity and is respectful of all, and it starts with educating each other and our own self.

Some people are just careless and some are actually trying to be total assholes but I am not!!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! And hope you are surrounded in beauty in any of its forms. ❤

xoxo Kim 💚

Election Day in Pa!! 💙💙💙

Mary Isaacson – I voted today to re-elect her for Pennsylvania State Representative. 💙

This is a screencap.

Today is Election Day in U.S. Pa, so in honor, I’m sharing a couple of my Instagram posts!

Also, I saw some old things I wrote about Donald Trump in 2016. And I must say, I am EMBARRASSED!! I used to be very interested in politics, when I was young, and pay attention to things and read a lot about it but it gets confusing and there is so much hostility involved and not good sources and fake news and reports so I lost some interest and stopped paying as much attention.
I was not completely apathetic but more casual about it, not keeping up on things. Voting here and there but not as motivated or passionate usually, unless there was a candidate I especially liked.
So in 2016, I wrote that I wouldn’t vote for Donald Trump as president and don’t agree with his views but that I don’t think he’s a terrible person and believe he has good intentions!! I said this and truly believed it! I did not realize how clueless I was! All I knew about him is that he is against letting people come to the U.S. without all kinds of restrictions. I strongly support immigrants coming here whenever they want to, legally or not, and that is one of the reasons I knew not to vote for him but I thought he just wanted safety and order and wasn’t a racist like people accuse him of being. Not all people against illegal immigration are racists or cold people, though many are.

And I knew that he is pro- second-amendment and pro-life and not caring about the environment(another reason not to vote for him). I also heard he would be good for the economy and jobs and things and that he supports safety/anti-criminal things. Gathering all this together with some other things, I concluded that he’s not the best but not the worst. I knew he is not the most pleasant/friendly person but no clue the real deal til it was already later.

Not til after he became our president, did I see what the Liberals/Democrats and even some non-libs/dems were saying all along! If I knew then what I know now, I would have voted for his direct opponent(who I have nothing against) instead of the Green people. 💚 I don’t think my one vote would have got him to lose but if that is the case, sorry is an understatement. There are people on Facebook now saying anyone who did not vote at all or voted for third party people were (unintentionally) helping him win. Someone sarcastically wrote “Trump appreciates your support” lol! I’m sure he does!

I was happy to see I was not alone in being clueless; a few people wrote that they did not vote or voted for green because they did not realize the monstrosity back then. There are people who knew even back then(but I can’t imagine they knew to this extent) so that does not excuse us but at least we know now.

Anyway, I’m not making that mistake again! The Green people have appealing views but not enough people are going to vote for them, for them to win. I usually agree with the Green💚 & Blue💙; sometimes the Green resonates more.

People on Facebook are acting like our vote for the Green in 2016 is unforgivable and like we should be hung. Some have almost as much resentment for us as they do for those who actually voted for the man. I disagree with that sanctimonious/moralist attitude. While actions are important, it’s also important who we are/our energy/intentions. Just because we support the candidates who cannot win doesn’t mean our energy/values are aligned with someone who is callous and does win, especilally when we did not even know!

Anyway, yeah I’m embarrassed about the good/semi-good things I said/wrote about Donald and (unintentionally) helping him win when I wasn’t paying enough attention. It was never because I share his views/agree with what he does. I was just clueless. It won’t happen again! I don’t want him to get sick or die like so many people are saying they want for him and I don’t believe all his supporters are bad and I believe he has Buddha nature and can choose to be a better person. Will he though? Who knows?? But he’s totally not getting my vote or anything close.

A while ago, I decided to start paying attention better again because it’s important to know what is going on and see how we can change for the better. Not just for our own self but for those less privileged.

But I’m not judgemental of people who are apolitical or don’t vote/get into it. Or those who vote for third parties

It’s difficult to keep up and get the real facts because of all the fake news and animosity. People are quicker to “block” and “unfriend” and go off on abusive rants/verbal attacks than educate and try to persuade. But I’m doing my best!

And I voted for Bernie today, another cause for little tirades on facebook. Whatever a Bernbot is, I am one. 🤣

Instapost:

“If elected, Nina would represent the first woman of color to serve as a state-wide executive in the Commonwealth’s 233-year history. Dr. Ahmad would also become the only current woman and person of color in Pennsylvania’s executive offices.”💙
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“Nina is a strong advocate for women and communities of color. As a catalyst for change, she served for nearly half a decade as President of the Philadelphia chapter National Organization for Women (NOW), and she is honored to serve as a national board member to this day.”💙
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“She’s fostered initiatives including launching the city’s Commission for Women, fighting for pay equity, and working to end workplace harassment. Nina gathered support for reform and opportunity through the city’s Youth Commission, the Office of Black Male Engagement, and the office of LGBT affairs.”💙
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“Nikil Saval is a father, writer and community organizer, who was the first Asian American to be elected Democratic ward leader in Philadelphia.”💙
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“In 2013, he won back jobs for 1,000 cafeteria workers and noontime aides who had been laid off because of Corbett’s budget cuts to the Philadelphia School District. In 2016 he was a leader in the Bernie Sanders campaign and he co-founded Reclaim Philadelphia. In 2018, he organized campaigns to fight for change in the Democratic Party and became elected as ward leader of the Second Ward. Nikil is committed to justice for working people, whether white, black or brown. He will fight for a Philadelphia and Pennsylvania that works for the many and not the few.”💙

https://www.ninaforpa.com/

Instapost:

All for one; one for all. 💙
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“Nikil Saval is a father, writer and community organizer, who was the first Asian American to be elected Democratic ward leader in Philadelphia.”💙
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“In 2013, he won back jobs for 1,000 cafeteria workers and noontime aides who had been laid off because of Corbett’s budget cuts to the Philadelphia School District. In 2016 he was a leader in the Bernie Sanders campaign and he co-founded Reclaim Philadelphia. In 2018, he organized campaigns to fight for change in the Democratic Party and became elected as ward leader of the Second Ward. Nikil is committed to justice for working people, whether white, black or brown. He will fight for a Philadelphia and Pennsylvania that works for the many and not the few.”💙
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https://nikilsaval.com/

(screencap)

Insta post:

Let’s all be sure to vote for Mary Isaacson for Pennsylvania State Representative on Tuesday June 2, 2020!! 💙
Before I knew much about her, I was going to vote for her anyway just because she’s so pretty then was very pleased to see we share most of the same views! lol Jk She is beautiful but physical beauty isn’t a very good reason to vote for someone for political purposes. (Though it is tempting 😁😂) Now if this were a beauty contest, for sure! Anyway she is an advocate for the environment, clean water, lgbtq+ equality, she speaks against racism, domestic violence, animal cruelty; she is for women’s rights/health/safety, helping people with low incomes…she is a strong, independent woman who takes action to help others and help make the city/state/country/world a better place! What’s not to love?! Won my heart & my vote! 💙💙💙😍

https://www.pahouse.com/Isaacson/

Today, I met Mary Isaacson in person!! I knew she lives somewhat close to where I live, though I’m not sure exactly where. I was thinking I would love to meet her one day; she seems very warm and friendly. I sensed her energy even before I met her. And in person, she is just as warm and friendly and welcoming. I only talked to her briefly coming out of the voting place. I wasn’t sure if she would want me coming too close so I just said hello at first and we asked how each other is, then I turned back and told her good luck and let her know I voted for her. I was too shy to say more anyway but it felt like I knew her forever just in that brief encounter. You know how occasionally you just meet someone and it’s exactly like you already know the person? It was like that. But not just because I follow her accounts on social media and am familiar with her like that. Her energy just resonates with my own. She definitely has good energy. So thankful I finally got to meet her!! ❤ How lucky I am. 💚

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❤❤❤

Much love,

xoxo Kim

Blood donations help save lives💚 Alison’s Story

This is something I posted on social media and sharing here now. This mama and baby are doing well now, thankfully!! But the mom almost died during childbirth because of a rare and unexpected complication. Yes, that still happens! It seems like something that happened in like the 1800’s and not anymore but tragically, even today, some moms still die and almost die giving birth. If it were not for blood donors, this mom in the picture above, wouldn’t be here today.

This is horrific. This is why we desperately need regular blood donors and more of us. Blood donation doesn’t just help people live healthier and make things go more smoothly, that too. But in some urgent cases, like this here, it literally saves lives. This young mom wouldn’t be here today if not for people choosing to give a little bit of blood.

“Placenta percreta is the most rare and severe form of placenta accreta. This condition results in the placenta not being able to detach during delivery and risks catastrophic hemorrhage and death for the mother.”

Imagine if there wasn’t enough blood available that day when this occurred for this family. Or if one day there isn’t for another family.

Thank you to the Red Cross for sharing individual stories, like this, with us and showing the faces of the real people affected. They aren’t just imaginary even though we can’t see them and do not know them; they are real lives in need. And it can be any one of us one day in their position, needing a stranger to share some of that life sustaining stuff running through our veins. We would count on them to help us. So let us be just as quick to help those counting on us now. ❤💚 #veintovein #oneblood #itsinustogive #lovesomeonetoday #givelife #donate #blooddonor #redcross

Not everyone can or wants to donate blood but there are other ways to help, volunteering at the Red Cross, donating money, even just sharing links, information, the importance of blood donations. Many people don’t even think about donating blood. It doesn’t even cross our mind but some people would if it was brought to their attention. And some do not realize we can donate it regularly and when we learn, it resonates with us and we choose to. I’m trying to reach the people who have potential.

Much love to all,

xoxo Kim ❤

#GetUsPPE 💚💚💚 #GetMePPE

This is something I posted on social media last night and sharing here now. I already posted about it here before and will be again later. This isn’t over. Now we have healthcare workers quitting their jobs because they are fearing for their own lives because they don’t have the adequate equipment needed to keep them alive while they help save the lives of countless strangers. No one should have to work like this or quit work because of lack of proper safety measures. The horrific reality of it may not hit us as hard as it really is if we do not work in healthcare or have friends/family who do but let us all imagine and tap into that compassion and empathy we all have for others. We all know fear, pain, distress and all long for comfort, safety, happiness, health…now let us project that onto these real people who are doing their best to keep us safe & alive while fearing for their own lives. The average person, like us, probably cannot do much to help but there are people with power who can do more and are not.

My love goes out to our healthcare workers all around the world, both the ones who are staying and the ones quitting. 💚 Thank you.

Please consider donating money(and/or professional supplies if you have it or making the equipment needed if you are qualified) to https://getusppe.org/donate/ and/or signing the petition https://getusppe.org/advocacy/ to help ensure the safety of our doctors, nurses, and other healthcare healers. They are risking not only their own lives(and mental health – many are traumatized) but the safety of their familes, to take care of US, complete strangers. There is still a *SEVERE* shortage of personal protective equipment(PPE) in the U.S, which is crucial for keeping them safe. PPE is *NOT* an option or a luxury. It is a basic necessity, like food, drink, air is to all of us, for medical professional people to survive their work environment each day. They are in *mortal* danger without it and their family members can also be at risk and have to risk or already are experiencing family separation.

Doctors, nurses, and other healthcare workers, along with their families, should be the first to be protected. Imagine going to work everyday at any job, and not having the equipment needed to work effectively. How stressful, frustrating, anxiety provoking, infuriating. Now imagine how much worse it is when the job is working in hospitals and health clinics, saving lives, and everything is running low and running out and having to wonder when and even IF there will be more of it. And on top of that, imagine literally fearing for your own life and the lives of your family each and every day, while choosing to save and take care of the lives of total strangers. Those strangers are us. They are all doing this for us. Protecting, serving, saving, caring for, and healing us. There is so much additional and unecessary fear and distress because of extreme lack of essential equipment. This is completely unacceptable and should not be tolerated by any of us.

All of us can do something, even if just sharing the link to the organization and/or sharing the tags #getmeppe and #getusppe in the hope that someone somewhere will see it and help in some way. The situation is urgent and has been for a long while now. It is utter ridiculousness that this is a thing.

Our doctors, nurses, and other healthcare workers choose the jobs because of their passion for helping others. The least we can do is donate money and/or share a link and tags anywhere on social media or wherever. And sign the petition urging our government to get them adequate equipment *NOW*. Not next month, not next week, not tomorrow…NOW.

Doctors and nurses have been pleading for help with this for months now and doing *everything* they can. And still greatly suffering with the lack of supplies they desperately need. Their emotional turmoil and distress with this is beyond what we, who are not healthcare workers, can fully imagine. How much longer can this go on? Something has to give, right? Immediate action in imperative. Let’s help them, please.

No more emotional suffering, added to the suffering already, because of lack of basic necessities that people need to LIVE, keep their families safe, & work effectively and without additional emotional trauma.

#getusppe #getmeppe

The money we donate goes directly to help our healthcare workers around the U.S. Every single one is worthy.

Please donate money if you are able. No matter what, it will be used in some way to help our healthcare workers.

Thank you to our doctors, nurses, and other healthcare healers for all the work you do saving lives; it can be an exhausting, devastating, stressful, terrifying, even traumatic job, along with all of the hope, and care, and healing, and positive impact, and love. But you show up each day for us. May you receive everything you need to keep your own self and families safe. Much love, strength, & light, xoxo

And thank you to everyone who helps in any way to get our healthcare workers #ppe . Even if all you do is share the links/tags, please do something!! Ty

xoxo Kim

Actions speak…❤

“Now I wanna tell you of a great love
It will light up
It will surely light up darkened worlds
If you just believe
Stoned love”

Stoned Love – The Supremes

There’s a man I was trying to avoid when I was out for work. I have nothing against him; he’s just not good news. lol Today, when I saw him, I turned around and began going a different way and he began yelling to me loudly, “Well fuck you too you fucking conceited bitch!!!” and he was yelling a whole slew of other insults at me all the way up the street. Strangers were turning to look at us.

I was very amused. And also very inspired by the word “too” in his one sentence “Well fuck you too…”

I never said “fuck you” to him and was not even thinking it. I was merely trying to avoid a less than pleasant encounter. As we can see, I did not succeed! I probably provoked an even less pleasant one than if I would not have turned to run!

The way he said “too” made it seem like I said it first. And maybe I did even though it was unintentionally and not verbally. We “speak” in ways that are not always verbal/language. Our actions say things just the same. And we may not always realize what our actions are saying to others or to what extent.

Turning my back on one of my brothers in this life/another sentient being, no matter the reason, is not very kind seeming or very pleasant to the one it is happening to. I was not trying to be unkind but was also not even thinking of being kind either. I was not thinking of the man at all. I was thinking of myself wanting to avoid something I thought I would not find pleasant.

What could I have done better? I could have looked at him and smiled and maybe even said hello, then be on my way. I could be very wrong but he does not seem to be the kind of person who would appreciate a warm smile or friendly hello. But I do not know him at all and this is pure judgment on my part. And even though it’s a completely neutral observation, based on things I have seen about him previously, not a negative judgment, who am I to judge at all and act on it in a less than pleasant way? For all I know, my friendly smile or warm hello, may inspire happiness in him, maybe joy, or a feeling of being accepted. He seems to be generally very unhappy and seems to have a difficult life. I have seen him have outbursts on people before for not doing him favors when he asked. And even if my smile and hello would not touch him for the better, the point is just to be loving and try. It puts positive energy out into the uni-verse. We can never go wrong with an act of kindness even if it is not received or appreciated as we intend or hope for.

There is nothing wrong with avoiding people we do not wish to encounter. It’s just we can still be mindful & kind about it. And there may even be occasions it’s necessary for our safety, to avoid someone. This was not the case here though. I don’t think he’s a dangerous man, just not the most pleasant seeming.

As he was yelling, I was laughing and thought about turning around to smile at him and show him I have nothing against him, that we’re in this life together. But I was afraid my laughing and amused smile may be misinterpreted as arrogance or me mocking him. He already perceives me as conceited. I am just someone who is very easily amused. I laugh at everything. It was not about mocking him or not caring about his unhappy situation. It just seemed funny yelling at and cursing someone out in public and a bunch of curious strangers turning to look. How dramatic! But he doesn’t know that. So I kept going. My back stayed turned on him as he slung all the insults he could come up with.

But this interaction reminds me to be more mindful and loving not only with my words but with my actions, even when there is something I wish to avoid. Our actions say things to each other. I wasn’t truly trying to say “fuck you” but my action did say something very unpleasant. It said something like “I want to avoid you…you’re not worth my time…I would rather not deal with you today…I don’t care to see you…” so basically yeah, turning my back said “fuck you.”

Just that one word that he uttered to me, “too,” said so much to me. It holds so much wisdom, he may not have fully, consciously realized but he did realize to some degree. In this moment, he was wiser than I was. He was letting me know that I said so much without saying anything at all.

“What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real” ❤

More Than Words – Extreme

I’m so very thankful for the life lesson. Imagine how many people will be touched for the better, in the future, by the wisdom he revealed to me. It’s really true, anyone can be our teacher if only we let them. A seemingly difficult person, a loving person, a child, a homeless person, an animal, an insect, an old person, any situation…Let us be alert in each moment and interaction, with anyone, and welcome any bit of inspiration and wisdom they offer us.

And let us be more gentle and kind in our words, thoughts, & actions. They touch others for better or worse. Let it be for the better. Let’s smile at each other more, say hello, make eye contact, acknowledge each other, and validate each other’s existence, be more welcoming of one another, even those who may seem unpleasant or difficult. It doesn’t mean we have to hang out with someone for an hour, go over and have a chat, or become close friends. All we have to do is look at each other and smile. 🙂 Let our actions say, I see you, I love you, I acknowledge you, I hear you, I am you, we’re in this life, in this love together…❤

Thank you, Brother of mine, for your life lesson. When I see you again, I won’t turn my back.

Much love & light to all,

xoxo Kim ❤

Brag post 🐾😻 About me lol

My boss wrote this about me! Please excuse the pic of me; I look like 💩 and my shoes are all muddy because of the rain and I can’t get it out. I had no idea my boss took this picture. I logged onto our account and saw it lol! Much to my surprise(and dismay at my appearance!) but our furball is cute & happy; look at him cheesin’! lol Have you ever seen such a happy face?! 😁 That’s all that matters! He is my bestfuriend(one of many bestfuriends 🐾). We see each other every morning & evening and I love him to pieces. He is such a sweet boy. He loves humans and other animals. Though, we do not let our furbabies near other dogs while out & about. It’s our policy no matter how friendly they are. 🐾❤🐾❤ Safety first.

I love my job!! I’m honored to have a job taking care of people’s furbabies who they love like their kids and trust me with their little lives. If I had to, I would give my own life to save any of theirs. I love being out seven days a week, morning til night, often with a dog by my side or just all by myself. The scenery is beautiful. The city is beautiful. The people are beautiful. The nonhumans are beautiful. Everything is beautiful.

Thank You for this job and experience! ❤ It really has been my greatest honor in this life. I would do this without getting paid!!

Much love & light to you; I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ~Hugs to all~

xoxo Kim ❤

Keep Loving…❤

Keep Loving – Empty Hands

“Whether you’re different, same, ignorant, or intelligent
Whether you tell the truth, lie, or embellish it
Whether you live in gratitude or for the hell of it
It doesn’t really matter, we’re still one single fellowship
Whether you’ve been lustful or livin’ celibate-
Whether you’re an optimist or only see the negative-
Whether you’re dead broke or rich from inheritance
It doesn’t really matter, we’re made of the same sediments
Whether you got a family or single parentin’-
Or you’re Asian, African, European, or American
Whether you pray-to-God or atheist is irrelevant
Cuz what you got inside is the same as all your brethren
So keep loving,
It’ll change your heart; it’ll change your mind”❤

“May I be happy; May all beings be happy” ❤

Recently, on social media, I saw a thread where a single young mom, with multiple divorces, with five kids, and various dads, and a few pets, was being ridiculed, destructively criticized, mocked, slandered, judged…by complete strangers all because she had multiple kids when she was very young and has a history of failed romantic relationships, which she said broke her heart. By what she wrote, she clearly loves her kids and pets. The comments people were writing are vicious and mocking. They called her “trash” and other insults and were sarcastically calling her “a real winner.” They said she would always be single and no man would ever want her and many more insults. They mocked her because she made a couple spelling mistakes. They ridiculed her for her interests and activities she likes to do for fun(makeup & fashion are a couple). They even criticized her physical appearance! They talked about her hair and everything. And for every unkind comment, there were a bunch more people who “liked/loved” each toxic comment, even ones who did not comment themselves.

One person posted her picture on his account as a screen capture with some facts about her and him and his online friends all got together and began saying as many insults as they could about her. He blocked her account for the post so she wouldn’t see. There were over 100 comments. I’m in awe (and not in a pleasing way lol) that 30 something year old adults and older are still cyber(and maybe in person as well!) bullies! I can even understand just being unkind once in a while or even in general but actually mocking and ridiculing people just for laughs. There are better ways to heal and cope with our own pain than doing this to someone else.

The overwhelming majority of comments were this. Only a couple people commented with something positive to say about her or to come to her defense. Probably because they knew if they stepped in to defend her, they would be bashed too, like bullies in the schoolyard. Except here, we’re all adults. I can imagine there were probably other moms like her reading and maybe angry, crushed, feeling low about the comments, that can also apply to them. And people with bad spelling/grammar may have been reading and feeling inferior.

I can just imagine what all these people would say about me if they had the chance and knew things about me! For all I know they already are! This can happen to any of us! Imagine someone on your friends list or a follower of your account taking a screencap of your pic of yourself and posting it to that person’s own account so all the friends can roast you without you even knowing! There is a game called “roast me” where people put their own pic on so online friends can say as many insults as possible! lol! But this person has no idea she was subjected to this.

If we stop and think how this can be us or someone we know, it can deepen our compassion/empathy for those it happens to. This applies to anything good or “bad.” When something happens to a stranger, pleasant or not, imagine if it happened to us or someone we know and remember that stranger feels the same way we would were it us it happened to. And even if we wouldn’t care if it happened to us, others may be devastated or angry if it were them. So that’s another good thing to keep in mind, that we all handle things differently and have different reactions. And all are valid.

I think this is also a good example of how we can influence each other for better or worse. What if this young woman posted her own picture and facts about herself where all those same people would see? They probably would not have reacted the way they did. They saw the original poster of the screencaps and went along with him, probably to please him and have a feeling of “all in this together,” and have some laughs while coping with their own pain/unhappiness. I don’t believe any of those people have good self esteem or are happy or they would not have done that. Focusing on someone else’s mistakes, pain, misfortune…helps take our mind off our own but so does focusing on love, well wishes, happiness for others. Let us influence each other for the better! ❤

“…Now, many years later, I understand the power of loving-friendliness. It helps us swallow the bitterness of life.” (Loving-Kindness In Plain English – The Practice of Metta ❤)

I was so confused about all the destructive criticism. I couldn’t understand it. Why would we want to drag someone down like that? What provoked all this unkindness? Instead of seeing her as one of our sisters in life, a fellow sentient being, they saw her as a punching bag, an easy target, an opportunity to get out all their own pain by inflicting it upon someone else. My confusion lessened a bit when I remembered the saying:

“Hurt people, hurt people.”

I believe that is the reason people choose to try to make someone else hurt or suffer; those people are suffering themselves and do not quite know how to process it. The man who began the thread to ridicule this person, just the day before, admitted to being depressed, anxious, suicidal, and socially isolated, and in need of a friend. He admitted that his quality of work is suffering because of his poor mental health. Is this a justification for trying to inflict pain upon others? Absolutely not. But understanding this can help us help someone to heal.

Some of us turn our own pain to greater compassion for others and some of us turn our own pain into bitterness to try to hurt others. Anyone who does this can change it for the better. Choose kindness.

Let us remember to be kind even to those who are acting in an unkind manner; the ones we feel deserve it the least are probably many of the ones who need it the most. Loving them does not mean we condone what they do, just that we know kindness makes the whole world a better place. Love heals. Our Love for them may help them become more kind one day. Just keep loving even when it’s difficult.

“One who truly loves himself will not harm others. She who loves herself will tune in to the energy of loving-friendliness and understand how magnificent it would be if every heart in the world would share this feeling.”❤ (Loving-Kindness In Plain English – The Practice of Metta)

I want to share some love here and tell everyone it’s ok to have a difficult, messed up, unpleasant…past(and even present), ok to make mistakes and have a history of failed relationships, whether they are married ones, romantic and not married, or platonic friendships; it does not mean someone is a bad person or that the person will never be a good girlfriend/wife(or whatever gender/gender identity) or friend to someone else.

And yes, if you’re a single mom(or even not single) with five kids(or even just one kid), and love your kids, you ARE a winner no matter how young or old you were when you had them(or adopted), no matter how many different dads they have, and no matter how many failed relationships or breakups you have experienced. I know not all kids have a mom & a dad; that’s just the example I’m giving because the woman here was being criticized for having multiple dads for her kids.

And not everyone has good grammar/spelling skills. And some people are doing the best they can writing in a language that is not their native one. Some people have learning disabilities to some degree or just not very skilled at something. (I am terrible at basic math) And I think most of us on occasion slip up and spell something wrong or write something that is not correct in terms of grammar. I definitely do this myself. Sometimes it may be autocorrect or sometimes just me slipping up. It’s really no big thing.

Kindness is always good but especially these days when so many of us are struggling with depression, anxiety, stress of any sort, suicidal tendencies….In our society (U.S.), and maybe other societies, we are too judgmental and too critical of each other and our own self. One word of kindness or one word of cruelty can go a long way. If someone is already struggling, just one simple, brief compliment or wishing someone well, can possibly allay the person’s pain a bit or even if not, at least bring some love, joy, and comfort, to the person in the midst of the struggle.

And if someone is already suffering, callous remarks, or even just a cold tone, can add so much to the pain, even more than intended.

And even if we’re not struggling, we love acts of love!

“Metta is not ordinary love. It is the quality of love we experience in our whole being, a love that has no ulterior motive — and no opposite. It can never become hatred; the love-hate dichotomy simply does not apply.” (Loving-Kindness In Plain English – The Practice of Metta)

We’re not responsible for someone else’s suffering, feelings, choices, happiness…we’re responsible for our own. But we can still remember the impact our choice of words, comments, remarks, both in person and online, can have on others and choose to be kind or even just saying nothing when we just cannot bring ourself(this is a word lol) to feel or be kind. Sometimes holding our tongue is an act of kindness. Constructive criticism is good in many cases. But intentional destructive criticism is always toxic and unnecessary. I am not innocent of this and think most of us have room to grow.

Who cares if we’re financially rich or poor, working seven days a week or out of work, have ten kids or are childless(I prefer childless over childfree because “childfree” makes it seem like children are a burden as opposed to a gift. I never wanted kids; I just have no inclination, but still love them and know they are a gift! Many childless people are offended by the word “childless.” “Childfree” is what I find off-putting), single, happily taken, divorced more than once…whatever! Who cares if we are neat and organized or a total slob(me!), very educated or not much of an education, very intelligent or not so much, look like a supermodel or not society’s concept of beauty, and we all may have interests/activities someone else thinks are dumb(sometimes I play with virtual pets lol), whatever mistakes we have made and will make, doesn’t matter…We’re all the same underneath and all have things others can mock us for or criticize us for. And all have qualities someone, somewhere would love if the person/s knew us.

No matter what or who you are, I’m your safe space even if we disagree on something. 💚

“Though we all have the seed of loving-friendliness within us, we must make the effort to cultivate it. When we are rigid, uptight, tense, anxious, and full of worries and fears, our natural capacity for loving-friendliness cannot flourish. To nurture the seed of loving-friendliness, we must learn to relax. In a peaceful state of mind, such as we get from mindfulness meditation, we can forget our past differences with others and forgive their faults, weaknesses, and offenses. Then loving-friendliness naturally grows within us.” (Loving-Kindness In Plain English – The Practice of Metta)

Let us remember to always be a bit kinder than necessary to everyone we meet.

And “ourself” means all of us together, not any specific group. We learn that “ourselves” is the correct grammar and it is also. But a loving Buddhist Teacher taught me that “Ourself” implies Oneness and togetherness, including ALL, so I prefer that version!

Chants of Love:

The Chant of Metta

Om Mani Padme Hum

&

Loving-Kindness Meditation(13 minutes & 26 seconds)

May I be well
May I be happy
May I be peaceful
May I be loved

May you be well
May you be happy
May you be peaceful
May you be loved

“Loving-friendliness motivates you to behave kindly to all beings at all times and to speak gently in their presence and in their absence.” (Loving-Kindness In Plain English – The Practice of Metta)

Much love & light, always,

Kim xoxo❤❤❤

National Doctors’ Day❤💚

Happy National Doctors’ Day to all the Earth angels all around the globe!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Thank you for the health, hope, and healing. For the possibility and potential. Not an easy job to have and I’m thankful there are people who have what it takes! I have always been in awe of medicine and doctors and the things that can be done to help and save lives. I trust & love you! I’m wishing you all the love, health, safety, and strength today and everyday! Hugs & love, xoxo

~Kim

There’s beauty up above💜

(Today, March 27th, 2020 – Friday afternoon)

Today, I had a break for work and was sitting in a park before going back. The park was completely empty of people except for a man I see frequently, doing exercises in the same spot in the park. He seems very cheerful and just naturally happy. He talks loudly with a chipper tone. And he speaks about lighthearted topics like fun movies. I love it! I never talked to him but love seeing & hearing him. I’m very extroverted even though I’m also very shy so being around people satisfies my extroverted way even when I am not talking to anyone.

Today, he was talking on a phone in his usual cheery tone about some film he is interested in. I found it so uplifting. I wasn’t depressed or in a bad mood or anything but still felt it had a positive impact on lifting my mood even more. The park was full of sparrows and birdsong, trees, flowers, sunlight. After a while, I decided to put my earphones in and listen to a song. Suddenly, sung by Billy Ocean. I loved the feeling it brought out in me, this sudden elevated, amazing feeling of Oneness with the park, the trees, the flowers, the sparrows, the insects, the man doing exercises…even the buildings around.

“There’s beauty up above and things we never take notice of”

I looked up at the blue, blue sky full of fluffy white clouds, the bare tree branches still clinging to Winter, the tree branches now blooming with color and flowers, the birds flying around, I saw tops of buildings…Billy Ocean is right! There is so much beauty up above, even in the most mundane things on the most ordinary, uneventful day. Things we never take notice of. I actually do take notice of the beauty all around, very frequently but not as much as I can and sometimes I purposely shut it out if I’m depressed. And many of us overlook the simple beauty everyday. Why? Who knows! We’re so used to it, we forget the wonder of it or we’re so busy or wrapped up in “bigger” things, things that stand out more than a rooftop glistening in afternoon raindrops, more than a sparrow singing on a treebranch, more than flower petals falling to the ground, the feel of the gentle breeze on our skin, the scent of the flowers, the taste of even just water…but if we just stop for a few seconds and notice all the love around us, let it fill us with awe, even if for just a few seconds, life is complete.

“You wake up, suddenly, you’re in love.”

I was in love. And still am. In love with all that is. Those sparrows scurrying about through the grass and the trees, the flowers blooming in Spring, the man doing the exercises, speaking loudly of things that may seem trivial but are really the things that make up our every day and make it more interesting. So many people think that heavy things like politics and current events are all that should be on our minds day in & day out. But I disagree. Let’s talk about the movies, the dogs in the park, our favorite song, the cafe we want to visit next…

Earlier, I felt the same way when I was out walking and I saw a sparrow fly into a tree and sit on one of the branches, covered in pink cherry blossoms. The sense of Oneness it inspired in me! And then I looked up and saw an American flag gently blowing in the wind. Then I looked ahead and saw all the cars going by and parked along the streets and I was even more reminded of the Oneness the whole world is. Not just humans or even just living things. I felt at One with the flag and the traffic and the parked cars. Just like me, they were just here existing, doing their thing.

How beautiful!

Another song I listened to in the park is, Foolish Heart, sung by Steve Perry. I have a thing for this song. It brings me beautiful images in my head and these pleasant vibes even though it’s kind of a sad song. It is beautiful that he loves even when the love is not returned to him. It’s a romantic love song but I can relate in a platonic way.

“Foolish heart, hear me calling…stop before you start falling…”❤

I hope you’ll be reminded to look around and cherish all that is. Even if we cannot see, like are physically blind, we can feel the air, experience the fragrances all around, hear the birds chirping and crickets churring…or if we cannot hear, we can still sense in other ways. Let us use whatever senses and abilities we have and bask in all this beauty right here, right now!

Much love & light, wherever in the world you are!

xoxo Kim ❤