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Thou shalt not steal

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Recently I heard Christian people on the radio talking about the Ten Commandments in Biblical Scripture. I’m not a Christian woman but find their conversation deeply inspiring. The men were saying the language (I forget which one but for this post it’s not very important anyway. I think it may be Hebrew?) directly translates into English as “Do not steal”  but often we hear\read “thou shalt not steal.” The men said this second phrase “thou shalt not steal” is much more powerful than “do not steal” and before they started explaining I was a bit confused. At first glance, at least to me, a command such as “Do not steal” seems more direct and assertive, even threatening, than “you should not steal.” Telling me not to do something can be an implicit threat or warning “Do not…or else..” where telling me I shouldn’t do something seems a bit more passive or laid back. It doesn’t seem like a command or demand. It’s more like just someone’s little opinion.

I’m not a big fan of telling others or myself what we should or should not do. I think “should” can be too limiting and contribute to feelings of failing or too much pressure. But soon I realized what these Christian men were talking about and it’s very powerful and can apply to us all, not just Christian and other religious people.

“Should” or “should not” is more like an internal thing while someone else’s commands, laws, rules, threats, abuse, opinion…..are external and cannot affect us if we do not let them. “Do not….because I said so” is authoritarian and someone else’s rule slapped onto us. It may or may not be a good rule but it’s external and we can rise above whereas “should” is something moral, internal. Of course someone else’s opinion of “should” is external and “should” is subjective but it’s more of an internal truth.

There are some things, in my opinion, we really should not do, like kill innocent beings, steal, spread vicious gossip, sexually assault….to name a few. That’s my truth and it’s more powerful than someone else telling me not to. It’s illegal for me to kill an innocent human but it runs deeper than the law telling me not to; I truly believe I should not kill an innocent person (or any innocent sentient being) and if I ever did I would have a bigger problem than being in legal trouble. I would have an internal struggle knowing I did something very wrong that resulted in the pain or ending of someone else. It’s not illegal to kill most insects at least where I live, and I don’t negatively judge those who do, but I do not kill them on purpose and when I do accidentally, I have a struggle within. And there are occasions people said things to me meant to have an effect I did not allow it to have. There are occasions I experienced domestic violence and was physically forced to do or not do something that wasn’t my choice but I did not let it destroy me and know it’s not a reflection of who I am and that this life is still beautiful with so many beautiful things and I kept my mind calm even though externally it was chaos. When I am abused the abuser is degrading itself, not me. Murderers, sexual predators, bullies, those engaging in vicious gossip only degrade themselves not those they hurt or try to hurt. We may be hurt, broken, devastated, traumatized, petrified, bleeding, bruised…..but we are not as destroyed as those who tried to destroy us. And we can stand up & rise again.

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(not my photo)

Abuse of any kind, vicious lies being told about us, others trying to control us, societal expectations…..these are all external and can affect us greatly if we allow it. But with work, practice, meditation, self exploration, self love, other positive things….we can rise above and others cannot touch us. Even if they do physically, it will not drag and keep us down or touch our essence. What matters is what we know, our own truth, knowing, attitude.

It’s what’s inside that is more powerful than the outside.

Much love & light to you always! Thank you to everyone who reads my content & those who comment! When I see a comment I always or almost always respond usually with a comment back or a “like” and if I seem to ignore it it’s very likely I did not see it. I appreciate every comment & everyone who reads! I have a whole lot of catching up to do! I got a new job recently and worked nineteen days in a row! But I love it! ❤😍😀

~Hugs~

xoxo Kim 

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Happy boobs 😍❤😀

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Lol! The Boobs scarf I have been telling you about! Isn’t it cute & so funny?! 

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Anyway I have lots of catching up to do here! I plan to get back to posting everyday or almost everyday again! I havent been posting here much but I have been working on posts and have a few older drafts I never posted yet! I got a new job! Working with animals! Aww! I don’t get any days off (not even weekends or holidays) but my new boss tries to get me a break on sunday afternoons n nights. Except tomorrow I do have work all mornin’, noon, & night. It’s a holiday n no one probably wants to come in. But animals need luvin’ on holidays n weekends too! I’m up at 8:00 each morning & work til about 6:00pm-8:00pm. Much of my days consist of traveling the city (walking, bus, subways…I dont drive). One thing is for sure. No one can call me lazy and be serious about it! I have been working A LOT and with two injured ankles. But my chronic physical pain & my episodic depression\depressive symptoms (for the most part)have been very good! ❤ And I just love my sweet furkins! 😍 You ever hear of work that doesnt feel like work? This is it! I love my job!!! ❤ I love my coworkers\managers\boss! 

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That’s us! ❤ My new work family! I’m the girl in pink! # 3 in the row left to right. 😍 aww Much love & light to you & lots of hugs!! ❤

xoxo Kim

Instagram❤

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(me ❤ My android marshmallow takes some lousy pics[it was used to take this picture]! Luckily my blackberry phone camera started working again! 😀)

Somewhat recently I got an instagram account! How fun!

Here is the link: https://www.instagram.com/0.eye.of.the.tiger.0/

@0.eye.of.the.tiger.0  

0.eye.of.the.tiger.0

It’s a public account and all the stuff I post is intended to uplift, inspire, bring joy, consolation, beauty, positivity….to others, to everyone interested. Just like this here blog! And on Facebook. Most of the photos are my own but I also post ones I find online and try to always remember to mention that it’s not my photo if it does not have the name of the owner\creator on it. I don’t mind people using\altering my photos without asking, without giving me credit, or linking back to me. Though it’s kind of strange when they take pics of me, myself, and alter them like drawing nipples on me n other creep stuff (it happens rarely, but has happened more than once! 😱). Other than that, be my guest! 😍

If you want to, we can be Insta-friends if you too have an account! You can post your link here so maybe others will see it or just click the follow button on my account! If you post your link here, I will click the follow button on your account whether or not you follow mine. And if you follow my account I’ll very likely follow yours back. I like to return the favor. lol But you don’t have to follow mine for me to follow yours. The only way I don’t follow back is if it’s a news or celebrity gossip page or one promoting violence in any way. I don’t want that kind of energy showing up in my newsfeed or whatever it’s called. I’m not judging those who have those kinds of accounts(and news is a good thing! I watch Fox news every night when my dad puts it on and I like it, the content but I dont like the energy that news brings to a room or website…); they just are not my style and I don’t want to encounter it here. 

Also, if it’s a p.o.r..n..o account, I may not follow back but only because they often spam comment sections. I don’t have anything against p…o..r.n.o..g*r*a*p.h.y. It’s not my cup of tea but whatever floats your boat! The reason I put all those things in the middle of the letters is, the p…o..r..n..o blogs may find this blog and spam it up. lol My sister’s phone was attacked by them before and I was amused but she wasn’t! 😀

We don’t have to have an Instagram account or be logged in to see people’s accounts if they are public so you can still look at mine if you don’t have an account or don’t use your account. I used to look at so many before I asked my sister to set me up one! Now I get to follow them all! 😀

If you ever tried to contact me on Facebook and I never responded, it’s only because I very rarely see\check all my notifications, especially inbox messages. Once in a blue moon I see messages and friend requests and see sweet comments written to me ages ago that I missed and also furious comments about me not responding. “Fuck you you fucking snob!, You really are stuck up!, I don’t even know why I wasted my time writing to you….” stuff like that and part of me experiences compassion for them because they feel personally rejected and that is not a pleasant feeling! And it’s not the case usually that I intentionally ignore people. And if ever I do, it’s not because I feel I’m above them or loathe them, it’s just that for some reason I see it better not to respond. Like people asking me out, most likely I just won’t respond. A smaller part of me sometimes feels annoyed when they lash out at me but mostly I am understanding and compassionate.

My main intention is to uplift and inspire as many as I can, not necessarily to have direct relationships with each & every one. That would be sweet but not practical! And I just don’t do a good job with keeping up with all of my notifications. We can connect without having one on one conversations with every friend everyday. I’m extremely thankful for all of those beautiful people I have connections with on social media!! Thank you!! 😀❤😍

Much love & light,

xoxo Kim ❤

The Finer Things❤

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(me today! :mrgreen:❤)

“There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch of Spirit on the body.

Seawater begs the pearl
to break its shell.And the lily, how passionately
it needs some wild Darling!

At night, I open the window
and ask the moon to come
and press its face into mine.
Breathe into me.

Close the language-door,
and open the love-window.

The moon won’t use the door,
only the window.”

What a beautiful poem! I’m not sure who the author is. This is one of those writings that resonates with me in a deep way. My interpretation is that it’s about experiencing life to the fullest and not necessarily in the ways we may think living to the “fullest” means, like traveling, skydiving, mountain climbing…though those things are great! This poem seems to be about truly experiencing each moment each & every day wherever we are, whatever situation we are in, the sunrise or sunset, the moonlight, the first light, the feel of flower petals, the fragrance of Spring, the stars up above glittering in a midnight sky….all the simple treasure nature blesses us with each day & each night. ❤ We don’t need any certain level of intelligence to experience it, just the wisdom to open up to the beauty and receive it. 

I am reminded of a song. The Finer Things sung by Steve Winwood. 

“While there is time
Let’s go out and feel everything
If you hold me
I will let you into my dream
For time is a river rolling into nowhere
We must live while we can
And we’ll drink our cup of laughter”

The Finer Things – Steve Winwood – mobile

The Finer Things -desktop

“The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be”

An incredibly beautiful song!! I love it and sometimes when I’m depressed and listen to it, it brings life back into me. It’s a beautiful reminder to cherish all the treasures of life, all the beauty, the hope, the possibility, the Light. There’s so much beauty all around us that we don’t need money to experience. The cool night air, the changing of the seasons, people, animals, insects, daylight, buildings, the sounds of nature, the sounds of the city, the sweet fragrances of the seasons, the feel of soft blankets and skin, the feel of animal fur or feathers, the taste of our favorite food or drink, the sky above us, Earth below us, the heart pulsating within….❤

Each day I look around me and feel the awe well up and surge through me for the life surrounding me and the rhythm of life pounding through my chest. Often this feeling of awe comes naturally but when it doesn’t I can usually intentionally tap into that place within me, that wellspring of wonderment that always exists even when I forget that it does. 

Let’s remember to be mindful each day of the wonder all around & within and give thanks for it all! :mrgreen:❤

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! It’s a cool night here in Philadelphia! :mrgreen:

“It’s gonna be a cool night
Just let me hold you
By the firelight
If it don’t feel right
You can go” ❤

Cool Night – Paul Davis – mobile  ❤

Cool Night – desktop ❤

Much love & light,

xoxo Kim ❤:mrgreen:

 

Congratulations to me! 😀

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“Woke up this morning with a big ass headache
Y’all I ain’t kidding this son of a bitch hurts
Where the hell are my pants must be with my shirt
I still got my boots on but make no mistake
They can’t help me kick this big ass headache” 😂😭😍❤

Big Ass Headache – Justin Moore -mobile

Big Ass Headache – desktop

No, I did not get the job I been waiting for or any job! I lost my job of ten years after the store went out of business and mentioned that just over a week ago I got an interview, which I’m very thankful for! It’s always great for the experience. The job interview went well and I got to meet two adorable kitties! It’s a pet sitting\walking place and they had two really big cats there. But I never got the phone call for a second interview or any rejection e-mail or anything, which is nothing new; I’m used to that! I’m still positive about it though even though it can be a bit discouraging.

Anyway, I am not congratulating myself for success with jobs! Something even better! Many people who know me may know of my headaches. I have a severe case of tmd or tmjd, Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction. For most of us who have it, it’s not severe. But mine is really bad. My pain isn’t always severe; it’s usually not. But I have pain and other symptoms (jaw locking, vision\hearing problems, teeth breaking, jaw clicking, the list goes on n on)almost constantly and some occasions the pain flares up to beyond severe, the point of seeming absolutely unendurable. There’s no known cure or effective treatment. Agony beyond words. Here are a few of my posts where I mention the living hell that this disorder is. I’ll also give a brief description of the pain here too in this post.

He’s My Son (a heartbreakingly beautiful song)

Inner Strength

On Pain & Suicide Headaches (prevailing)

(this one is on the extremely long side!)

Stepping out of our ruts

On Pain, Hope, & Life Lessons (Healing Hands)

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on

It’s like being burned. Like scalding hot water being poured over the side of my face, scalding my eyeball, head, face…mixed with the worst toothace, earache, sinusache imaginable, and an intense pressure in the eardrum building up, up, up til eventually it feels like it’s being punctured and as if it will very soon explode. It’s worse than it sounds. The disorder I have can feel like various kinds of other disorders and headaches. The one I’m describing above is the Cluster headache. Cluster headache is a rare disorder that my disorder, tmjd, can mimic. I don’t have these headaches very frequently but when I do, they are extremely traumatic. Just one will probably scar you for life, emotionally. A life changing experience that can never be forgotten. They aren’t dubbed “suicide headaches” for nothing! The pain is so severe, many people contemplate and even attempt suicide just to stop the pain while it’s occurring. Sometimes during these headaches I have screamed through the night til my throat became raw and I lost my voice. I often have to keep hitting my face and head over n over in a panic or claw at things because I’m so frantic and panicked and desperate when it happens. There’s an impulsive urge to claw at the face and eye and bang the head against a wall. That’s not uncommon in those of us with this pain.

They usually occur at night or very early in the morning when it’s still dark out. When they appear and they can last a few hours. And when one ends, another can begin soon after. There’s nothing amusing about it but when thinking about it, sometimes I have the urge to laugh. It’s the only physical pain I ever experienced that leads me to feel as if I may really go insane. When they blast through my head, it’s like nothing else in the world matters or even exists.

Recently I was thinking how I haven’t had one of these headaches in a while. Through the years, I learned to cope with them better. Sometimes they have been frequent and sometimes very infrequent. They usually flare up worse in the cold weather, for me. Last night or early in the morning I had my first one of the season. They begin very abruptly, often with no warning sign. Just slamming into my face out of nowhere. Then last minutes to hours then end just as abruptly. I had one around 1:00 in the morning. It lasted less than an hour. But it was excruciating.

The reason I am happy about it is I was able to meditate through the episode. I could never do that before! With these headaches, there’s no staying still. We often have to pace, hit or throw things, hit ourselves, scream hysterically….even though I learned to handle them better, I still could not be very still or meditate through the pain. I have come to be much more positive and less angry during flareups than I used to be but still have room to evolve.

Last night when the first headache hit, I felt like I was in a nightmare that couldn’t really be happening. It was unbelievable. But soon enough I stopped the loud inner chaos to ask, “What can this teach or remind me?” “How can this strengthen me?” “How can I take this experience now and use it for the better, not just for me but for others?” “How can this better me?” “How can this agonizing experience be used by me to help, uplift, or inspire someone else?”

This is not uncommon for me to ask these questions during a very painful experience or any struggle but it’s usually more difficult to think like this, to execute such wisdom with this kind of physical anguish. Last night though, it was easier. And that is because of the work I do on myself in general. I’m naturally very positive but in general I work to strengthen that natural inclination, make it more intentional, conscious.

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If we only work to be positive, to meditate, to practice gratitude, to focus on breath….during problems then we don’t get much practice and not only that but it can be difficult to find the motivation or desire to do these things when serious pain arises, especially emotional pain. We may be tempted to give into the pain, let the pain conquer us and not practice positive techniques. But if we consciously practice positivity in general, whether or not we are naturally positive, we will be more ready when serious pain occurs. I can’t stress it enough! It’s depression that taught me this! But it applies to physical pain as well and any problem!

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/serendipitous-strength/

Anger and especially fury, is not an emotion I’m very prone to. It’s the emotion I experience least often. It usually takes a lot to get me angry and even then it usually subsides quickly. But when I experience these headaches I would often become furious, aggressive (not against living beings though), i would have the urge to break and throw things, demolish buildings, scream and tear things to shreds. I wanted to hear and see, feel destruction, the way my body feels when it’s forced to endure such cruelty. I would be outraged at the pain. I wanted it to materialize before me so i can scream some more and rip it to pieces.

But a year ago, in June, I had one of these debilitating headaches at work and it devastated me. It frightened me. It disabled me. It almost destroyed me. I used to let them bring me to ruin. This can be a good thing. Fall to pieces so we can build our self up even stronger. And that’s what I did. This headache at work did not infuriate me like they do. I felt no anger, just pain, fear, love, compassion. The anger did not arise. And the one last night was the same. I waited for the fury, for the destruction, for the outrage. But none came. I felt fear so strong I could almost taste it.  There’s always that nagging fear “What if this one doesn’t end?” even though we know they eventually end. I felt love, compassion, hope, anxiety, optimism….but no anger.

This is a sign that i am evolving so well. They are so much easier to bear without the fury. Sometimes anger is good and can fuel us, give us a backbone. But the fury I have with these does not serve me well. It just seems to trap me. It’s like there’s no outlet for it. I can’t go screaming and destroying things, especially late at night. I always have the urge to run when I have these head attacks. But instead I sat down and focused on my breath. The most basic thing. I wrung my hands and keeled over. But I (gently) forced myself to stay focused. My own breath calmed me. I just breathed in & out, in & out, consciously. The pain throbbed away, at some points seeming to threaten my sanity. But i mustered up all the wisdom, courage, strength I know and just let it throb. I tried not to identify with the pain or even my own body. I told myself that “pain is arising in my\the body” instead of thinking “I’m hurt” or “i’m in pain” or “my head hurts.” It’s all the same concept and the reality may seem the same but our choice of words can really make a difference.

I took all my experience with meditation & mala recitation each day and applied it to my waking nightmare last night. I chose not to judge the pain. This isn’t bad. It just is. Just like I don’t judge my straying mind or bodily sensations or thoughts during meditation each day. They just are. And that is ok. Something can be bad but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing that it’s bad. Just let it be bad. 

I sat in meditation posture in a dark room, right hand lightly cupped in my left, thumbs gently touching, back straight, feet flat on the floor and i just breathed. Then I envisioned the Buddha before me surrounded in bright white light of wisdom, compassion, love and I breathed in that white light and breathed it out into the uni-verse. At first I kept gasping for breath because the pain was too much but eventually my breath calmed. And I stayed like that for a while. But even in the midst of so much horror and this technique helping me cope, I knew I want to not just help me but i have this strong desire to help others. Visualizing the Buddha was helping me greatly but that may not help everyone else in need. Not everyone is into Buddha. We don’t have to be Buddhists to benefit by his wisdom and follow his teachings or practice Buddhist techniques. But still, some aren’t interested in Buddhism. So I imagined Buddha fading away into his bright white light but the light remaining and I kept breathing.

It still helped me greatly. Whoever isn’t into Buddha can just imagine the white, sparkling light or imagine another religious figure in his place or a fictional character in a novel or movie or any person dead or alive. Any figure who stands for or symbolizes love, peace, strength, compassion, hope, fierceness….will do. Just breathe in the wisdom of that figure. And keep holding on. Very likely the pain will end even if not right now. And in the off chance that it doesn’t we can learn to live with it and live well. We have to detach and not judge or identify with the pain. It may take practice and some serious work and setbacks and relapses but it is possbible to live with whatever it is. Whatever the struggle is, we can endure it and survive it together. Whether it’s grief and loss, depression, anxiety, severe physical agony, chronic illness, addiction, sexual assault, an eating disorder, a devastating diagnosis, a breakup, a common cold, a bad day at work….no matter how seemingly serious or trivial the problem, we can do things to help it be better and to help others. We can live with it. Bringing light & love into the mix.

Last night I lived with pain that felt like I was being burned alive. (Being seriously burned  is way worse of an experience and can kill someone. My condition can’t kill me like being burned but it has to do with nerves and feels like a severe burn.) Pain that has at some points provoked me to scream for hours on end til my mouth tasted like blood and I had no more voice. Pain that has possessed me to crack my head against walls. Pain that has influenced me to contemplate ending my life just to make it stop even though I wasn’t depressed at all and was happy just seconds before it hit and shattered my world. After the first head attack finally ended I fell asleep while reading a book about gratitude, and was woken up by another one at 3:30am. I handled it similarly. My hands wrung, fear gripped me tightly, my face and head throbbed but I remained calm and stayed positive. After the headaches ended, I did not feel as traumatized as I usually do after they end. Today I can feel the aftermath but I’m very well. When the headaches do end, often the effects of it still rage inside or linger. It’s like after a heavy and wild storm ends but we can still see or feel the aftermath. Wires and trees knocked down, things thrown about, just a gray lingering. 

The only pain in this life I have felt worse than this is grief (and I have experienced some serious pain, depression, kidney stones, surgery…)when my pets die and when my close human friend, Diane, died, or when I hear of tragic things happening to others or see someone else suffering, human, insect, or animal. This pain is like the physical version of grief. But I feel that it’s more difficult to cope with than grief because it’s physical and demands immediate attention. It’s that same throbbing, unbelievable, unbearable, urgent, “claustrophobic” senation that is a component of grief. 

As soon as my head attack hit, I knew I would share my experience to potentially help, inspire, uplift, console, or even just entertain another. I want to bring hope to anyone suffering or in any kind of pain, whether it’s as bad as I was, not nearly as bad, or way worse. There’s always hope. Life is hope. Just breathe. Keep breathing.

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(i found this wall at 3rd street & girard avenue, here in Philadelphia! Thank you whoever is responsible for this deeply inspiring message! ❤)

When pain or anxiety or fear make it too difficult to keep our positivity, faith, philosophy,meditation or gratitude practice going, that is when we have to push even harder to keep it going strong. That’s when we have to be firm, be tenacious, stand strong against the winds and not be uprooted. This is when we can’t slack or stray. We have to keep going. It’s ok to fall, to scream, to cry, to sob, to relapse but keep getting back up and holding onto that positive philosophy even if the mood isn’t positive and we can’t right now feel it. Keep meditating, keep giving thanks, keep exercising, keep working, writing, running, keep searching for the beauty in the world…whatever it is we do that helps us, keep it up. Keep breathing. ❤😀

“She dropped the phone and burst into tears
The doctor just confirmed her fears
Her husband held it in and held her tight
Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38
With three kids who need you in their lives
He said, ‘I know that you’re afraid and I am, too
But you’ll never be alone, I promise you’

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.”

I’m Gonna Love You Through It – Martina McBride – mobile

I’m Gonna Love You Through It – desktop

Much love & light to you, now & always. I’m wishing you the best, cheering you on, loving you through whatever it is and even if it’s nothing. If you are having a happy, pain-free day or life, I’m so happy! May you know inner-peace and joy, always. ❤😍😀

xoxo Kim ❤

! Take it easy ! :-D

I posted this on Instagram today & here it is on the bloggy as well! 😀

I saw this sticker today, “:-D Take it easy 

Life is short” I especially love it because it’s on the back of a hearse! What better place for a sticker like that! Looks like someone has a light & playful heart! 😀 ❤

I took the liberty of looking inside. I promise I’m generally not nosy and don’t go around looking in people’s car windows! The hearse is parked here everyday and has new jersey plates. But it’s just today I saw the lovely sticker! 

I did not have my phone with me so I walked back with my phone after getting home. When I looked inside the back (the curtain is slightly pulled open) I saw a blank space, no casket. But there is a crinkled up towel thrown on the part where the casket slides in(umm eww?). In the front I saw a couple Wawa coffee cups and some folded black bag (body bag?). Along with not being nosy, I’m also generally not morbid. I actually have a slight aversion to death and anything that has to do with it. I inherited that off my mom except her aversion is not slight. It’s more on the extreme side. She won’t hear of anything to do with funerals, corpses, caskets…it’s an off limits topic. 

Also, the color of the hearse is quite cheerful, wouldn’t you say? Much better than gray or white or black!

Anyway, how about heeding these wise words?! Life doesn’t have to be so serious! Who cares what people in general think, if we get cut off in traffic, don’t have much money, aren’t very successful with jobs or other things…we are alive and can be happy anyway! There’s always something to smile about! Lighten up! 😀

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!    😀 ❤

xoxo Much love & light, always. ❤

xoxo Kim