Archives

Wonder.

“Around us, life bursts with miracles–a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.”

No matter what is happening in our day, no matter how busy, stressed, happy, tired, exhausted, numb….or anything else we are experiencing, let’s stop for a minute to appreciate this life and all the beauty & joy it’s filled with. ❤ ❤ Savor every beam of sunlight, every reflection, shadow, raindrop, flower petal, taste, scent, texture, sound, smile, person, animal, insect, breath, heartbeat, experience…What a beautiful reminder! And don’t forget to smile! 😀 There’s so so much to smile about!!

Much love & light to you, always,

xoxo Kim ❤


Love. 

(this is me yesterday!) 

“It is possible to live twenty-four hours a day in a state of love. Every movement, every glance, every thought, and every word can be infused with love.”  ❤

Choose Love in every step, every breath, every heartbeat. Even if we do not feel loving every single moment we can still choose loving actions/intentions and eventually feel loving emotions more frequently & more deeply.

 😀 

There are so many ways to choose Love in each moment even if it’s as simple as not speaking if all we feel we have to say is something unkind. Hold that tongue! 😉

Love can be a feeling but also an action/verb/intention. 

If you want you can look at my Instagram accout: 0.eye.of.the.tiger.0

It’s the only social media accout I have been using recently. I post nothing but loving things (or sometimes funny things). My phone & kindle both have very low storage and do not work properly. I have to clear them. And my e-mail account has been too full and not working well. I have no facebook app because it stopped working and can’t send e-mails either. I tend to be very disorganized! lol I miss everyone and haven’t talked to anyone online (or even in person friends! except dogs!) for a while! I work seven days a week and love it!! Sometimes I’m very busy and sometimes not busy much at all but recently been very busy. I take care of animals so have no problem working seven days! For a while I worked 8:00am til after 10:00pm seven days a week! Last night I had an overnight stay with a dog. Working with sweet furbabies is the best!! ❤

I hope you are well and hope your day/night is full of love & light & beauty.

Much love,

xoxo Kim 

My boys❤🐾

downloadfile-152-01.jpeg

Aren’t my babies so cute?!?! 😍🐾❤😀

Woody is the baby (the chihuahua – he’s two years old) & Emmy, the pom pom, is the daddy. He’s four years old. ❤ Adorable furkins. 

Just a cute picture to brighten your day (or night – it’s night here)! ❤ Much love & light & hugs to you! ❤

 xoxo Kim 😀

~Hugs & Love~ <3

This is a collage of inspiring pictures I took in various locations around the city. I hope it brings a sense of inspiration/consolation to someone! I find all of these signs/ads/things…. deeply inspiring! 

Much love & light to you; always! ~Hugs & love~ to you! ❤ 😀 

xoxo Kim 

Life hacks 😀

screenshot_2017-01-08-11-20-23.png

(this is me lol I couldn’t seem to find any specific picture good for this post n I’m getting ready to leave for work soon so here I am!) 😀😍 [This post is a few days old n I never posted it yet.]

lol These aren’t really life hacks but just random friendly reminders/tips. I have been wanting to post these to help/”save” anyone I can! 😀❤😍

Sometimes I find myself in awkward or sucky situations that could have been prevented if only I was prepared. 

So here goes!

1.) Keep tissues & doggy doo doo bags (if you walk dogs!) in every pocket on your clothes/bag! Even pockets you never or rarely use. Just do as I say. lol You won’t regret it one bit. So what if your pockets look all stuffed! It’s way better than your snots & boogers everywhere! And in cold weather the nose gets all sore. Vaporub works wonders! My nose runs frequently all year long whether or not I have a cold. I don’t know why but it totally sucks. It was like this since I was a little girl. I must have a chronic allergy or something. I’m actually experiencing annoyance bordering on anger as I write this. It’s one of the very rare things I don’t like about myself. I can’t stand it. When I was little I would be in class with my nose pouring and too shy to ask for a tissue. I would sniff and sniff and hurt my sinuses. Or have to resort to using my shirt sleeve to brush the snots away which is totally disgusting. And not the snots on my clothes that’s disgusting but the feel of that material on my skin. 

I couldn’t concentrate on my work and even when I got home I would be so pissed thinking about it.

Now I occasionally still find myself without a tissue and my nose running and still too shy to ask for a tissue. Once I took a tissue I found on the ground and used it. My sister was nauseated at the idea. Oh well. So  I do my best to remember to stuff every single pocket on my clothes and handbags everywhere. So many occasions I saved myself finding a tissue in a pocket I forgot exists! Thank you me!!

And doggy bags. Ever walk a dog who takes a doo doo; especially in front of someone and you realize you have no bag or anything to pick it up with?! Awkward!!

There have been occasions I took an already used bag someone else threw away to use for my furkin I’m walking. Eww right?! But wouldn’t you prefer that I use a used bag than it ending up on your shoe or left on your pavement in front of your house?! lol

So doggy bags & tissues. Stuff them everywhere! Absolutely everywhere! Can never have enough!

2.) Save work you are writing like every two seconds. It’s worth it! If you ever wrote something long and brilliant then lost it all in an instant you know it’s worth it to save every few seconds! Unexpected things occur!

3.) Copy your work so if the app or icon or whatever, suddenly closes without warning and all your stuff is gone, you can just hit the “paste” option. I have this problem sometimes with Instagram and WordPress where it just closes and drafts did not save. But now I’m genius enough to usually copy it just in case! Go me!! 😉 Also, send it to yourself in an e-mail to have it backed up.

4.) Keep change aside just for homeless people or others in need. Ever come across a person who needs change and you have nothing at all to give? It sucks! 😦 I always feel so sorry. <\3 Maybe you don’t like to help the homeless. Some say it “enables” their “helplessness” or some shit like that. Whatever. But not everyone in need is homeless. I have come across frantic young mothers with very young children screaming their heads off, who forgot or lost their wallet or just did not have the money. Who doesn’t want to help a struggling young mom?! And not just money but there’s other stuff someone may need that we can keep available just in case we come across anyone in need. Lighters & matches. People frequently ask me for these. I have never smoked anything as long as I been alive and so almost never have matches or lighters. And I really wish I could help when they ask. I haven’t yet but thought about buying some just for when they ask. I get asked enough. And for cigarettes too. But I don’t quite have the money to support someone’s addiction\habit to that extent. Tokens. Anything we think someone somewhere may need we can keep aside! If not though; that’s ok! It’s just a sweet idea!

5.) Write important stuff like phone numbers, addresses, reminders…you need for the day, down on paper and not just on an electronic thing like a phone because if the battery drains or it falls and breaks you may be shit out of luck! This saved me already!

6.) Make sure your water bottle cap or soda bottle cap is screwed on properly before it goes in your bag with your phone/Kindle/other electronics. Lol I’m starting to sound like a mom! But recently I discovered the hard way that my water bottle cap wasn’t on correctly. Everything in my shoulderbag, including my Kindle, drenched! 

7.) Don’t walk for two hours straight especially in cheap shoes. Last month I walked for one hour and fifty five minutes non stop, not one rest just constant walking, in thin canvas shoes and the shoes fell apart and I was in severe pain for a few weeks. I got myself better but for a while thought I did permanent damage to myself. I abused my body which I will not do again. Rest when your body sends signs that it needs it. Wear appropriate clothing/shoes for the activity youre engaging in. Messed up joints, bones, muscles, tendons, and other body parts is no joke!! Our body is a beautiful gift and in my opinion it is to be treated with reverence, not abused in any way for any reason. I did not realize the abuse I did to myself til it was done. 

8.) If you come across an aggressive dog, do NOT look the dog in the eyes or smile with your teeth showing. Keep your hands to your sides with your palms not facing the dog. Stay still. Don’t even look at the dog. If the dog is aggressive because of fear it’s good to get onto the ground or floor to show the little furkin that you are on his/her level and not a threat. If the dog is just aggressive and vicious do NOT get on the floor (the little mofo will lunge at your face lol) if you’re standing up. Just stay that way until the dog walks away or someone comes to rescue you. Don’t turn your back to the animal. If youre already on the floor protect your face Get into a fetal position and be still. I’m no dog expert but I learned some things (Some the hard way lol). If you can, get something to block yourself so if the dog lunges the teeth sink into the object and not your flesh. If the teeth get your flesh, don’t pull away! Ouch! It just makes the injury worse. Stay calm or at least pretend to be. It makes everything better! 😀

9.) If pop ups spring up on your screen and have no X or won’t click off, minimize the thing youre using and then bring it up again and the popup may be gone. All of a sudden some weeks ago a million and one popups just come on my phone screen each day and some have no cancel option and some do but it doesn’t work. All along I had to just click off the apps/websites and lose whatever I was doing. But then I decided to minimize it and see what occurs and find that the ad just goes away! I hope it helps you too! What’s with all these popups each day now? I’m more thankful than annoyed now though because they help me practice patience and strengthen that virtue even more. I’m very patient but still have room to evolve!

10.) And last but not least, in distressing situations, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself, What would Buddha do? Buddha is a symbol of love & patience. He can inspire us all; not just Buddhist people. He would never lash out or get overly stressed. Of course we are mere mortals and not nearly as advanced as someone who becomes enlightened and so cannot always do exactly what Buddha would do (staying completely calm in hectic or horrific situations, for example) but we can look to him for inspiration. 

downloadfile-278-01.jpeg

I hope these help! ~Hugs & love~ to you. 😀❤😍

xoxo Kim

February 14th❤

IMG_14170647(1)

(Diane July 14th 1956 – February 14th, 2015)

I have never been one of those people who think Valentine’s day is too dumb to celebrate because it’s extra cheesy or because love should be celebrated everyday! Umm…duhhh! lol Of course love is something to be cherished each & every day but it’s not something we’re going to celebrate with gifts, restuarant reservations, surprises and all each & everyday, right?! That may be exhausting\taxing physically and\or financially. So what’s wrong with choosing one day to celebrate love, platonic or romantic, with gifts and all? Also, maybe it’s just a scam the candy companies & greeting card businesses pull just to get our money. Oh well, it can still be fun! I have also never been one of those girls who sit around dreading the holiday or crying because I’m single. I don’t care if I’m single and to me Valentine’s Day is about all kinds of love, not just romantic. And there’s always next year! 😉

img_20170131_175728-01.jpeg

But I have also never been the biggest fan of v-day. I love holidays like Halloween & Christmas and Valentine’s day to me just always seemed bland next to those ones. My mom, sister, & me always bought each other gifts for the day for as long as I can remember. And my friends & me in school would buy each other roses & stuffed teddy bears & cute things like that. But I never really got completely into the holiday the way some do.

On February 14th, 2015 I lost my coworker who I was very close with, unexpectedly to a heart attack. She died at work that day. Just collapsed and died instantly. I wasn’t there that day. I took off work to go on a meditation retreat. I wasn’t there but I still can’t get the image out of my head. Collapsing & dying on the floor.

Not only did Diane die that day, Valentine’s day was one of her favorite holidays. She loved it! ❤

Losing Diane is one of the worst things I ever experienced in this life. It’s the greatest trauma of this life of mine. Even two years later I have occasions I feel as if I’m being suffocated, submerged under water, like I have to struggle just to breathe. It’s not always this bad. Often my grief is now calmer, quiet, still deeply painful, but easier to bear. But it flares up and reverts back to the raw grief that I can hardly bear. It throbs throughout my whole being like an abcessed tooth but worse. It’s so heavy and I sometimes find it hard to keep standing. Losing Diane feels like losing a limb; like part of my body ripped off. If I believed in a soul I would feel as if my soul is disfigured, slashed, burned, traumatic amputation of part of it. There have been so many occasions I felt if my pain were physical I would believe I was dying and need emergency medical attention. The way it throbs and cuts, there’s just no words. 

The love Diane has always shown to me is very similar to that of a mother’s love. Diane has three adult sons and grandchildren & great grandchildren, all who she was very close with. When she died she was 58 years old & I was 28 years old. She talked about me and bragged about me like I was her own daughter. Sometimes she would embarass me like a mom can embarass her children in public. Lol She would make me lunch some days and bring it to me and always gave me money even though she hardly had money herself and I would tell her not to. She would yell at me & scold me if she thought I was doing something not good for myself. She was always checking up on me. We had so much fun laughing and talking together day after day, year after year for almost a decade until we lost her.

My pain is mostly for her because she is no longer here and those of us shattered can move forward & find some sense of healing. Diane can never eat her favorite food, smile again, work again, experience happiness, sadness, love…but we can. The second main thing is my pain is for her children and family\friends outside of work who knew her better than I did. I knew her very well but of course not as well as her own sons and while it’s so extremely difficult for me I know some aspects are likely more difficult for them. And last, my pain is for me. She was snatched out of my world so suddenly without warning.  I used to feel as if I was going into a panic when I would think like this. My chest would tighten, my heart would race, my eyes would turn completely black but my years of practicing Buddhist meditation helped me with this before I would go into a fullblown panic.

Last year, February 14th was the first anniversary of my friend’s death. I had to work for ten hours straight with no break and wasn’t sure just how I would find the strength but somehow I did. I felt like we were losing Diane all over again. I felt the life drain right out of me. I was in a fog like when it happened a year before. I was pissed at the world. I was snippy with everyone. They got snippy back and none of us were in a good mood. This wasn’t just the actual day but the days leading up to the date.

I had no money and my mom suggested after work we try to find a store to buy an inexpensive gift for each other. I just did not have it in me. I couldn’t find any desire to do anything that had to do with Valentine’s day. It seemed so cruel that my poor Diane had to lose her life like this on a day she loved and now can never celebrate again ever. I would have died for Diane. 💔❤ If I knew her heart was going to stop I would have given her my own if it were possible.

Her son also said he could just never celebrate Valentine’s day again & hoped his future girlfriend would understand. But Diane’s other son, who never celebrated Valentine’s day, said he will now begin celebrating and suggested all who love her keep on celebrating or begin celebrating her holiday to honor her & help us cope with this tragic loss of ours. What a wonderful idea! A day that we can see as so terrible, let’s turn it around and make it wonderful. It’s the day Diane lost her life. But it’s not only that. It’s also a day full of hope & possibility for those of us still alive. A day of LOVE not just grief. Grief is like a form of love. But there’s other forms of love to focus on. Diane’s son found the strength to celebrate a year after his mom’s death but I still couldn’t muster it. I just tuned it all out in my head.

This year though, I am much stronger than I was last year. I am not completely recovered. It’s not a loss I will “get over.” But I am strong and this year I choose LOVE. Last year I couldn’t seem to find the strength & wisdom I have discovered since then and now know.

img_20170131_175208-01.jpeg

This year I am going to celebrate Valentine’s day to honor my sweet Diane. I can still feel something inside my chest feeling like it’s physically breaking. Some moments I still feel as if I will physically collapse in my grief. Sometimes I still lay in bed late at night, my whole body wracked in grief & still in immense shock, I still have these overwhelming urges to scream her name, on rare occasions I am filled with fury and want to scream, but I have love, gratitude, sweet memories, happiness, joy, laughter, smiles, strength….more than anger & pain. Diane never had to come into my world and be my friend but our lives did cross and for that I am extremely happy & thankful.

Something about Diane: she was extremely compassionate. So loving. She was assertive, sarcastic, loud, mouthy, always cursing, but loving. She loved not only her own friends & family but strangers as well. She hardly had money & borrowed money a lot and if she found someone else who needed money she gave the money to that person. She borrowed money and I would tell her not to pay me back, that it’s ok but she insisted and always paid me back even though it was a struggle for her. She used to give me one dollar bills & five dollar bills for no reason just because she knew how little money I had myself. And whenever she paid me back the money she borrowed, she would pay me back one dollar here & there until it was all paid up. I always thought it was so cute & funny. Diane told me once that one of her worst fears in life was that I would lose my quiet, sweet, gentle way if I ever let the bitterness or problems of others get to me. She told me to always stay loving and gentle even with those who are difficult to deal with and in situations that are a struggle for me. She told me to never change and I never will.

So how will I celebrate this year? I want to help others. Diane is dead and there’s nothing I can do about it. My chest aches to write it but it’s the truth. Like Diane, I love people and love to help. And I know she would absolutely love what I’m going to do. She’ll never know it but that’s not the point. She won’t feel the love but that’s not the purpose. My purpose is to help & inspire others. And I will carry her love with me always. Even though I lost Diane and experience a tremendous sense of loss and agony, I have never once felt that I lost her love. She loved me. She told me so and showed me everyday. What I will do is buy those small Valentine’s Day cards that come in packs of like ten or twenty or whatever, like the ones I would give to all my friends when I was a little girl, and write love messages in them, not romantic love messages but universal ones that can apply to everyone. Inspiring quotes, words of encouragement, positive messages, comforting messages….and leave them in random places for random people to find. This is what I planned to do and is good enough but I was trying to think of something I can do to help others in a more practical way as well. Then I remembered Diane & her dollars.

The dollar tips she would give servers, the dollars she would give me on random occasions just because, the individual dollars she would pay me back after borrowing thirty dollars, the dollars she would leave around for me at work, the dollars she would give to people who were struggling….Diane and those dollars! Lol I smile so much thinking of it. And I instantly knew what I have to do. Put a dollar in each little love note I slip into all those random places!

This isn’t to brag about the good I will do. My pain is so great I wouldn’t brag anyway but in my grief I especially can’t even care about getting credit. It makes almost everything seem so trivial. This is to inspire others to turn your love around and do something for the goodness of others. It doesn’t have to be this. This is just my story. But it can be this if you want! I would love for others to be inspired & do this, even if it’s just one card & one dollar! Imagine how happy my sweet Diane would be if she could know that her life & death inspires this kindness. If you knew Diane you would love her! I’m sure of it. She was the kind of person everyone loves. ❤

Or you can put your own spin on this or do something completely different to honor someone or just to do good. I met one sweet girl who lost her mom in February to cancer and a year later on the anniversary, just like Diane’s son, she somehow found the strength to honor her mama. She got all her beautiful long blonde hair cut off and donated it to cancer survivors who lost their hair to chemo treatment. What a beautiful soul. What can you do to honor someone you love so deeply and lost so painfully? Or just to do good for no specific reason other than wanting to make the world a bit more beautiful?!😍😀❤ Please let me know in the comments if you want or write a post of your own! And remember it’s totally not about bragging or receiving credit but bringing consolation, hope, & inspiration to others while sharing our own stories. ❤

Please remember the anniversary of the death of the one you love so much isn’t just a messed up, tragic, terrible day; it’s a day you are still alive and you can make that day anything you want to make it. Maybe not right away and it may take practice and strength you never could have possibly imagined you can posses but it’s a day like any other, a day of hope, love, chances, possibilities. It’s up to us to make it beautiful. The beautiful may never completely obliterate the ugly but it can certainly come into the mix and make it even just a little bit better.

This is for any loss, human or animal. Pet loss is just as bad and I understand it well. I have loved & lost pets as long as I have been alive and find the death of a human a bit more traumatic but both are devastating. My grief for Diane isn’t healing as well as it could be but so much better than it was. I’m wishing you much love, light, healing, always. I hope you will be inspired to do something and go on to inspire others! ~Hugs & love~ I love you! 😍😀❤

xoxo Kim