I Can Stand Up Once Again <3

Years ago, in a therapy session, I made this inspirational project with my therapist, Hannah.   This was back when my depression wasn’t as healed yet and I was struggling many days. Hannah was a student, doing work at a mental health clinic, and when she graduated she had to leave and isn’t my therapist anymore.

But I am still inspired and touched by all that I have learned when I did therapy work with her.

She helped me a lot and sessions with her were healing & fun. She was really good at listening to me and also she provided me with great, helpful techniques, such as the above activity, cutting out inspirational pictures, words, and stuff out of magazines for an uplifting image and reminder to look at so we can be inspired whenever we see it.

Hannah would often ask me about my favorite songs, why I love them, how they help me, and what they teach me. She explained how it’s a great technique to focus on the messages & Beauty of positive songs and let them inspire & help heal me.

We used to listen to my favorite songs and meditate during sessions. And she asked me to chose a song I love, one that inspires me so we can do a fun, healing activity together during our session. I chose Mariah Carey’s “Through the Rain” which is the song that helped give me the courage and motivation I needed in 2008 to first seek professional treatment for Depression. 

“When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you’re distraught and in pain without anyone 
When you keep crying out to be saved 
But nobody comes and you feel so far away 
That you just can’t find your way home 
You can get there alone 
It’s okay, what you say is 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain” ~ Mariah Carey

Hannah and me chose the line “I can stand up once again” in the song and we made this together and she let me keep it to always remind myself that no matter what happens to me, how low I sink into despair, how often I am knocked down, I can stand up once again.

“And if you keep falling down don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail 
What you say is 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith 
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain 
And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don’t be afraid 
There’s nothing you can’t face 
And should they tell you you’ll never pull through 
Don’t hesitate, stand tall and say 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith 
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain”

I haven’t seen this craft we made in a while and last year my family and me moved to a new house and a lot of stuff somehow disappeared. We don’t know what happened to it. Through the years I would think of this and wish I still had it but I thought it was long gone. Then today I was looking for an old Philosophy book in some old stuff I have packed away and the memory of this popped into my head out of nowhere and I wished more than ever that I had it. I have so much stuffe packed in my closet and a mirror broke and little pieces are all throughout my stuff. I was in pj shorts and a shirt and just reached my hand into some random junk and pulled something out and it happened to be this!!!

I couldn’t believe it! I never even knew it made it to the new house! I don’t remember packing it. But it’s here!! It’s strange that I pulled it out exactly when I remembered it wishing I had it!

Talk about sweet & strange coincidences!  

 
It’s kind of tattered and worn out but it’s still amazing! It just needed some extra glue. It’s tattered, Worn, and broken but still standing!
 

I love the message of this song. It shows that no matter what happens, even if there’s no one with us currently to help us, we can still manage to stand strong.

“I can make it through the rain and stand up once again 
And I live one more day 
And I can make it through the rain 
(Oh, yes, you can) 
You’re gonna make it through the rain” 

Here’s the desktop link for the song video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9QHrHaPQtM

Mobile link:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RRNdmkH8zrI

Xoxo Kim

Creativity – Don’t Hold Back!!! :-D

I have been feeling this creative energy just surging through me like never before and have no idea why! Lol! I have never considered myself to be creative and have always felt a kind of block when attempting to think or act creatively.   I’m better at research/academic/analytical stuff. 

I have often put off doing things I either knew or assumed I wouldn’t be good at.   I would try it and quit right away.  I know that’s not a good idea and is a self imposed creative block. First of all, if it’s fun and interesting to you, it doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not.

Also there’s a chance you will become better with practice.  Creativity doesn’t just have to be things like drawing and writing. It can be things like problem solving and thinking about things at different angles and with different perspectives.

I have noticed I am more creative now in writing poetic -like writings and with problem solving. People have sometimes told me I have a poetic way of speaking, which comes naturally to me but I’m not so sure I have ever been great at writing actual poetry or stories. But I feel more creative than ever now!   I have been trying to analyze why this is and one thing I think is, it may have to do with increased confidence in other areas. Confidence in one aspect of life can permeate to every other aspect, which is very good!

I have been meditating upon the concept of “When one door closes, another opens.”. That is a creative way of thinking.   Instead of dwelling on what is lost, we can use the experience to make way for better things.

If we allow it, it can help us look at things differently.   I used to often, and sometimes still do, dwell on previous pain and struggles, allowing them to hold me back and imprison me. But more and more I have been using them as resources to guide me and strengthen me.

So I believe this is contributing to my general creativity enhancement.  Also, I have been posting here in this blog much more frequently than ever. I have said before, I have always been so inspired to write but often felt too fatigued to put much thought into things. I consume too much sugar and it tends to make me sluggish.  Also depression can make me fatigued, sluggish, like a zombie.

But I have made some minor lifestyle changes such as stretches more frequently which help with fatigue and so I have more energy to put thought into what I write here and that helps me be more creative all around.   It’s like strengthening my “creative muscle.”. Also I have come to sometimes allow my depression itself to inspire me by looking at it in various ways other than just cursing it.  This is hard but can sometimes be accomplished. 

Sometimes now, instead of succumbing to my bed or the floor in a depression, I create a blog post with something positive to focus on!

I let it inspire new ideas, coping mechanisms, and other things in me.

Also, I have been giving in and not holding back. When I feel like writing poetically or creatively I do no matter how much I think it will suck. Lol. This gets my creative juices flowing.

One problem I recently had is somehow my phone service got switched over to Android. I have a Blackberry, never an Android. But someone switched it in the T-Mobile system and it took my phone’s Internet away. This is a permanent switch. It can often be fixed just by the phone service people switching it in their system but sometimes that won’t work. To spare you many boring and confusing details I will just say it did not work and my phone needs a Master reset which will permanently delete all my photos, songs, writings, everything.  And even that may not bring my Internet service back to this phone.

I can back it up on a computer but currently have no computer Internet so that’s out of the question.   I tried writing stuff on paper but it’s overwhelming. I have so much amazing stuff on here! Lol

But I kept calm. I was disappointed but not angry. I know someone just made a mistake and there are way worse things than losing files on a phone no matter how amazing they are.

But because of all my creative thinking /acting lately, I thought of a “solution ” and although my phone isn’t fixed and I can’t get on the net using the browser icon on my home screen, I thought of another way to get on the net.  It’s more complicated but it’s a way!  I found two ways actually.  So thankful!   

 I think I’ll keep it this way for now. There’s a chance I may need a new phone and eventually lose everything but for now I will do what I can to keep it.   And feel gratitude in the process for everything I have and am.

I decided to compose a list of tips that I find helpful for enhancing creativity since I am a creative genius now. Lol jk. I’m nothing of that sort! ;-). But I’m in the process of learning and would love to share.

To enhance your creativity maybe these will help:

1.) Don’t let lack of or perceived lack of skills or talent hold you back. This is probably the most crucial tip. You will never know how great you can be or what you can accomplish or attain if you never try. Keep trying.   Maybe your drawing, writing, painting…..whatever it is you want to do will suck but so what? And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to show it to any one. Don’t hold back!  Channel your inner child. Lose your inhibitions, your fears, your feelings of things being only for children or only for professional people.

2.) Explore. Reflect. Look deep within you. This can be done with meditation of some sort or  reflective thinking. Think about how you feel right now or how you feel or have felt about certain things. Write a poem about it. Draw a picture representing it. Make a collage.   Go to stores, flip through magazines and see what jumps out at you. Last night I was having great difficulty sleeping and felt the urge to write poetry but felt not inspired enough. So I thought deeply about how I felt at that very moment and how I feel about certain situations and people and was suddenly so inspired to write poetically/creatively.

3.) Look at song titles, blog post titles, and other titles like of books and write a poem or short story about that concept without copying the other person’s work. You can just look at them randomly without even reading or listening to the content.

4.) Try hard to understand a view opposing your own on a certain topic or try to see how someone else can feel that way even though you do not. This stretches your “mind” and gets you outside the “box.”

5.) Look to others for inspiration. Pay close attention to other creative work. See what you like, don’t like, what challenges you…and start your own creative journey. I would suggest to consciously try not to rip of their work though.  You probably want yours to be original and probably don’t want a lawsuit. Lol

6.) Take pictures and look at pictures! It’s amazing what photographs can elicit. You can make the photos themselves your creative project or write poems about them! Don’t reserve picture taking for only “special occasions.”. All occasions are special.

7.) Inhabit your body, be mindful of your senses and how things feel to you, the experience of experiencing. Write or draw about the experience. Write or draw using your senses for inspiration.   What’s does something feel like, sound like, look or taste or smell like? Use imagery in your writing. Try to paint a vivid picture or image in the heads of your readers or viewers or listeners. Use your imagination/fantasy as well as reality.

I wrote the quote in the picture and I took the pic and put the quote onto it.

Here’s an example of something I recently wrote as part of a poetic-like short story:

“She stands alone with just the stars in the palms of her hands and the moonlight streaking her long flowing hair, meadows painted across her sky blue eyes, butterflies & sparkles woven through her lashes.”
& this: 

“And I watch
Chromatic
Florets 
Bloom
Into the vibrant blue
A fluorescence
Of tranquil tunes
As pastel colored
Butterflies 
Parade
Like a
Slow song
Around the
Floral
Array
In the air”
This is part of a poem I wrote a while ago.

The line in the pic above is one I wrote as part of a poem and the picture is mine which I took and out the quote on it.
and here’s another of my creations:

8.) Put some color and design into your world. Surround yourself with bright or soothing colors, various colors and designs…

9.) Try new things to get your brain stimulated. Brush your teeth using your non dominant hand, go for a walk in a place you don’t go to much, drive to work a different route.

10.). Pay attention to kids. They are fearless when it comes to creative projects. Take their lessons to heart. This kind of hinges on Tip #1.

11.) Let other people inspire you, not intimidate you. There are people out there with more developed or stronger skills than you and with more experience. There always will be.  Don’t let this discourage you.  Just be content with where you are. You don’t have to be the best at anything. Focus on your needs and desires. Some people are more experienced so have better skills. Some are just naturally more creative or skilled. And that’s ok. Be grateful you have come across them and their work as opposed to being so envious you can’t see straight.   Jealousy is normal and it’s ok but don’t let it hold you back or make you have animosity for others.

12.) Be willing to create or do things which are or may be viewed as “bizarre ” or “weird” or “unusual” by others. “Thinking outside the box” can get that creativity flowing.

13.) Keep going even when you doubt yourself. And keep going even when your creative work doesn’t turn out how you expected or hoped!

14.) Try looking at things which are usually considered ugly, plain, unattractive, in a more positive light. You can write poems about sadness and pain or take pictures of or draw bare trees, muddy puddles, car oil puddles, snow blizzards, insects…things often seen as miserable. I believe there is beauty almost everywhere if we really look and you can take something typically considered not beautiful and put a beautiful spin on it, poetically, lyrically, artistically…

15.) Try meditation specifically to get creativity energy flowing.   You can go to http://www.meditationoasis.com/
And you can go to http://www.youtube.com/
And put in words like “meditation for creativity.”. I would include some links here to videos but I’m using my phone and can only get the mobile link and I never know if that works for anyone else. 

Here are two links that are supposed to go to the same video. One is for a computer and one is for mobile phones. I somehow managed to get the desktop link. If it works for others though, I have no clue.   Both links work for me when I click on them.

Computer link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=CPrk4_JFA90

Mobile link
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CPrk4_JFA90

Also here is a list of tips I found:  http://www.creativitypost.com/create/101_tips_on_how_to_become_more_creative

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night and hope you find some creative inspiration if it’s what you’re searching for.   😀

Xoxo Kim 😀

“That’s Just the Way I Am”

I’m currently reading a book called “Finding Joy” by Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D

 

I haven’t completed it yet but I can already tell it’s an amazing book!

 

Dr. Davis Kasl came up with this idea that is designed to help people to accept themselves just the way they are, flaws or perceived “flaws” and all. We all are going to have things we don’t like about ourselves and things other people do not like about us and that is ok. We don’t have to be considered perfect to ourselves or anyone else. We can be perfect in our own way.

 

Dr. Davis Kasl suggests that we choose some things about ourselves that we may consider to be less than perfect and say or write it out and after saying or writing it, put “That’s just the way I am” or “That’s just what I do sometimes” or “That’s just what is” after it.

Some examples in her book are: 

 

1.) “I get anxious filling out IRS forms. That’s just the way I am.”

2.) “I get scared and don’t stand up for myself. That’s just what I do sometimes.”

3.) “I wear a size 6 top and size 12 slacks. That’s just what is.”

4.) “Sometimes I interrupt. That’s just the way I am.”

 

(Page 30, “Finding Joy”, Charlotte Davis Kasl, ph.d)  

 

I believe that we should accept what/who we are even the “bad” things because we will be happier and more joyful that way. And anyway it’s impossible to be human and have absolutely no negative things about you.

 

This isn’t always easy but it is definitely possible and worth it! It’s ok and even good to make attempts to change certain things about ourselves for us for the better but even while we are working to change those things, it’s still possible and good to accept ourselves as we currently are while working to change certain aspects.

For example:

Someone who wants to lose weight for the better would benefit, in my opinion, while accepting her/his current body/weight/physique while attempting to change.

By “acceptance” I don’t mean necessarily “love”. I think we should think or say “This is how I currently am” or “This is how it currently is” and “that’s ok” and try not to feel resentment or anger for ourselves.  

 

There’s really nothing you can do right this second about how you are. If it can be changed it will probably take a while and some work. If it can’t be changed ever it will do you good to embrace or at least accept it.

Focus on the positive aspects about yourself that you like and cherish those while working on what you feel can be better.

It’s ok not to be 100% perfect in everyone’s eyes and even to our own selves.

My view is that in general, things should only be changed about a person if it’s better for that person and is a positive change. So a girl (or anyone) who wants to lose weight, in my opinion, should only do that if it’s healthy for her and what she truly wants for herself and not because of what others or society as a whole or anyone else thinks.

There have been things about myself that I thought is ok but I cared what other people thought and wanted to change it for them, not me.

Ex: My nail polish gets chipped a lot and looks unattractive even to me but I don’t have a serious problem with it. I would prefer to have lovely nails that aren’t all chipped but if they are oh well I will get around to changing them eventually.

But I recently saw people making extremely insulting comments on Facebook on a picture of a girl with chipped nail polish and saying she should constantly keep up on her nails and destructively criticizing her for not doing so. They seriously are acting like this triviality reflects who she is as a whole person. That’s quite a stretch if you ask me.

 

On some occasions I have looked at my terrible looking chipped nail polish and thought to myself “What would those people think of my nails like this if they saw?”

But I realized it’s not important to me what they think of MY nails! They should attend to their OWN and forget anyone else’s. It just seems so absolutely trivial.

I love fixing up my nails when I’m in the mood but I won’t make it an obsessed top priority because of what other people think!

Also, I have chicken legs. I did ever since I was a little girl. They are very thin like my dad’s. I also have extremely thin arms.

My mom always jokes in a playful way about my thin arms and chicken legs. I always found it amusing.

It’s mostly only noticeable when I’m wearing shorts (which I only wear to sleep in) or dress/skirt (which I hardly ever wear) though, not when they’re covered in pants.

I don’t have a problem with them. I haven’t struggled with my body image since I was seventeen years old.

But recently on Facebook I saw a pic of a girl about the same size as me with thin arms and legs and people were calling her “gross” and “disgusting”. I’m not underweight or malnourished at all and neither is she in that pic. And I don’t have a completely flat stomach.

And I started to think “Wow if they saw me they would think I’m disgusting.” I can just imagine the comments they would say about me!

And the truth is I let it get to me for a while. But I won’t obsess over it at all.

It’s definitely ok and even necessary to a certain extent to care what people think of us about some things. We’re not robots or whatever!

It’s good to a certain point to have emotional reactions to others. Good & bad. It’s unrealistic to expect us to never ever care. We need connections and to be healthy, I believe we should be affected by others.

Just not overly negatively affected to the point that we care more about what other people think than being true to ourselves.

We shouldn’t care so much that we change ourselves for them or care so much that we constantly obsess day & night!

That is unhealthy.

 

Here are some of my “That’s just the way I am’s”!! Lol!

😀

 

1.) I’m overly empathetic and often have the tendency to let other people’s/animal’s problems & pain overwhelm me even if I don’t know those people/animals. “That’s just the way I am.”

 

I often feel that this means I’m very weak. And then I start to think very low of myself about it. I want to care for all living/sentient beings but I want to have barriers to protect myself against exhaustion over it. But this is me!

 

2.). Sometimes I do care more than I should about what other people think about certain things about me. “That’s just what I do sometimes.”

 

3.) I have the tendency to sometimes feel that my worth is dependent upon people & things outside of myself such as how many friends I have, how many people like me, how many accomplishments I have achieved…. “That’s just the way I am, sometimes.”

 

I am not as bad with this as I used to be but I must admit that I still do struggle, on occasion, with feelings of extreme worthlessness.

 

I know I create my own worth and purpose but occasionally it’s hard not to fall into a negative trap.

 

4.) I have the tendency sometimes to struggle with feelings of extreme worthlessness and feel that I’m different than most people in some ways that are not good or that other people may think are not good. And then I feel extreme loneliness and excluded. “That’s just the way I am.”

 

I have mentioned before about how I am a very simple kind of girl. I’m not talking about boring or shallow with no depth but I’m very happy and content with simple things, usually. That’s actually a good thing but sometimes I think it may not be socially considered so good. Sometimes laying in bed all day with my dog on a rainy day brings me just as much of a thrill as some people would probably get going on a big extravagant vacation! Lol

 

5.) People tell me I need to get a backbone because I tend to feel guilt at just the thought of coming back at people who say/do something negative to me. Sometimes I do get revenge and I usually feel guilty and sorry either instantly or later because deep inside I really don’t like causing pain or anger for people, even ones who do that for other people. People see it as a weakness. “That’s just the way I am”.

 

6.). I do like horror movies but they affect me more than they should. I’m not one of those jumpy, scared people that feel fear all throughout the movie and then at night when I’m in bed! Lol. But because of my excessive empathy, I feel pain, both physical & emotional when I see the characters feeling pain in the movie. I know it’s not real but it seems soo so real! I also feel empathy for the actors because I know they have to be feeling stress, maybe even emotional pain to some degree while making the movies. I know they chose that job but even self inflicted pain is still pain and worthy, in my opinion, of empathy and compassion!

 

7.) I have no special talents or creative abilities! “That’s just the way I am.”

 

8.) I procrastinate like crazy! “That’s just the way I am.”

 

9.) I am extremely disorganized and the more organized I attempt to become, the more disorganized I am! “That’s just the way I am.”

 

10.) I like to wear low-cut shirts and tight clothes. For me, not to attract negative attention or get lots of men. People think it’s trashy. 

But I like it because I like the way I look and feel in it. “That’s just the way I am.”

 

11.) I don’t like when people think something negative about me that is not true. So, often, if someone accuses me of something negative that is not true, I feel the need to drag out a conversation/argument until I feel I got my point across. If someone misunderstands what I’m saying or wants to stop talking before I feel I got my point across I try to drag it out for a while. My mom and sister cannot stand this and they claim that I do this merely to cause trouble and for the sake of arguing. They call it harassment. Then I feel the need to drag that out!

Lol! “That’s just how it is.”

 

I really don’t do this just to argue or be negative! :-). My sister and mom are similar in ways that I am not. When they don’t understand something or are stressed or frustrated they want to quit trying to understand and not talk about it. This drives me bananas! Imagine someone accusing you of something negative then you can’t even defend yourself and get called harassing!! >:-O

 

 

12.) I’m horrible at math. Even simple basic stuff. In college I got put in the math for dummies class because my exam scores were sooo loooww! Lol! We were doing elementary school math!

:-O

  “That’s just the way it is.”

 

13.) I am very easily amused and laugh uncontrollably even sometimes during inappropriate situations such as when someone trips or spills something. It may be annoying, possibly immature, and it makes people, especially my mom, mad! But “That’s just the way I am!”. “So sue me!” Lol! ;-D

 

I also laugh out loud uncontrollably in movie theatres at scenes where no one else is laughing, not sad scenes but stupid ones. And when there is a hilarious scene where everyone is laughing hysterically, I’m the one still laughing long after everyone else has stopped. Kind of embarrassing!

That “American Reunion” movie & “What Happens in Vegas” practically had me on the floor lmao!!! :-p

 

14.). I’m kind of the biggest pig and have to have the largest of everything when I buy food or drinks out somewhere. My mom says I eat “like there’s no tomorrow.”. Lol “that’s just the way I am”.

 

So there’s a list of some of my “That’s just the way I am’s”!

 

This is not to encourage people to settle for less or to be less when we can be more. It’s to show that it’s ok to not be perfect and it’s possible and great to accept yourself the way you are, flaws and all, even if you intend to change eventually, for the better.

You’re not a “loser”, “freak”, or “worthless” just because you have a few quirks, flaws, or negative qualities.  

You are not a horrible person for your less desirable traits or habits! 🙂

I read another book before which I do not remember the name or author but the author mentioned that whenever she did something or possessed a quality she or someone else did not like she would say “So sue me!”. 

“I made a mistake, so sue me!”. Lol that gave me a chuckle!!

 

I love the feeling I got reading and doing this exercise.

I recommend it and encourage everyone to give it a try. You can list yours on your blog, in a journal, or just make a mental list but I definitely think it’s a great idea!!

 

❤ 😀

 

I hope you’re all having a beautiful day! 🙂

 

X0xo Kim ❤