Tag Archive | compassion

Light of the love that I found…♡

“It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life ohh save a life
Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels”

 Much of my job takes place outside, in all kinds of weather, without exception. Today is a very rainy kind of day! ♡ 

I can’t believe how many people, both men & women, stop to offer me their umbrellas on days like today. They choose to be soaked and uncomfortable so I won’t have to be. I love to see people living up to our motto, City of brotherly love. That’s why I’m sharing this post, to promote & share acts of kindness. We all have the capacity to love and there are an infinite number of chances each day, to express love to others, friends, family, strangers, animals, insects….all sentient beings. ♡ Let’s take a chance at least once today, to reach out and love someone! 

“The world can make you feel so small
Steal your dreams and make you crawl
And break you till you got you got nothing at all
When you’re in that dark place and you need that embrace
You know love is never too far away”

Ordinary Angels – Craig Morgan

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim 

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Love. 

(this is me yesterday!) 

“It is possible to live twenty-four hours a day in a state of love. Every movement, every glance, every thought, and every word can be infused with love.”  ❤

Choose Love in every step, every breath, every heartbeat. Even if we do not feel loving every single moment we can still choose loving actions/intentions and eventually feel loving emotions more frequently & more deeply.

 😀 

There are so many ways to choose Love in each moment even if it’s as simple as not speaking if all we feel we have to say is something unkind. Hold that tongue! 😉

Love can be a feeling but also an action/verb/intention. 

If you want you can look at my Instagram accout: 0.eye.of.the.tiger.0

It’s the only social media accout I have been using recently. I post nothing but loving things (or sometimes funny things). My phone & kindle both have very low storage and do not work properly. I have to clear them. And my e-mail account has been too full and not working well. I have no facebook app because it stopped working and can’t send e-mails either. I tend to be very disorganized! lol I miss everyone and haven’t talked to anyone online (or even in person friends! except dogs!) for a while! I work seven days a week and love it!! Sometimes I’m very busy and sometimes not busy much at all but recently been very busy. I take care of animals so have no problem working seven days! For a while I worked 8:00am til after 10:00pm seven days a week! Last night I had an overnight stay with a dog. Working with sweet furbabies is the best!! ❤

I hope you are well and hope your day/night is full of love & light & beauty.

Much love,

xoxo Kim 

February 14th❤

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(Diane July 14th 1956 – February 14th, 2015)

I have never been one of those people who think Valentine’s day is too dumb to celebrate because it’s extra cheesy or because love should be celebrated everyday! Umm…duhhh! lol Of course love is something to be cherished each & every day but it’s not something we’re going to celebrate with gifts, restuarant reservations, surprises and all each & everyday, right?! That may be exhausting\taxing physically and\or financially. So what’s wrong with choosing one day to celebrate love, platonic or romantic, with gifts and all? Also, maybe it’s just a scam the candy companies & greeting card businesses pull just to get our money. Oh well, it can still be fun! I have also never been one of those girls who sit around dreading the holiday or crying because I’m single. I don’t care if I’m single and to me Valentine’s Day is about all kinds of love, not just romantic. And there’s always next year! 😉

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But I have also never been the biggest fan of v-day. I love holidays like Halloween & Christmas and Valentine’s day to me just always seemed bland next to those ones. My mom, sister, & me always bought each other gifts for the day for as long as I can remember. And my friends & me in school would buy each other roses & stuffed teddy bears & cute things like that. But I never really got completely into the holiday the way some do.

On February 14th, 2015 I lost my coworker who I was very close with, unexpectedly to a heart attack. She died at work that day. Just collapsed and died instantly. I wasn’t there that day. I took off work to go on a meditation retreat. I wasn’t there but I still can’t get the image out of my head. Collapsing & dying on the floor.

Not only did Diane die that day, Valentine’s day was one of her favorite holidays. She loved it! ❤

Losing Diane is one of the worst things I ever experienced in this life. It’s the greatest trauma of this life of mine. Even two years later I have occasions I feel as if I’m being suffocated, submerged under water, like I have to struggle just to breathe. It’s not always this bad. Often my grief is now calmer, quiet, still deeply painful, but easier to bear. But it flares up and reverts back to the raw grief that I can hardly bear. It throbs throughout my whole being like an abcessed tooth but worse. It’s so heavy and I sometimes find it hard to keep standing. Losing Diane feels like losing a limb; like part of my body ripped off. If I believed in a soul I would feel as if my soul is disfigured, slashed, burned, traumatic amputation of part of it. There have been so many occasions I felt if my pain were physical I would believe I was dying and need emergency medical attention. The way it throbs and cuts, there’s just no words. 

The love Diane has always shown to me is very similar to that of a mother’s love. Diane has three adult sons and grandchildren & great grandchildren, all who she was very close with. When she died she was 58 years old & I was 28 years old. She talked about me and bragged about me like I was her own daughter. Sometimes she would embarass me like a mom can embarass her children in public. Lol She would make me lunch some days and bring it to me and always gave me money even though she hardly had money herself and I would tell her not to. She would yell at me & scold me if she thought I was doing something not good for myself. She was always checking up on me. We had so much fun laughing and talking together day after day, year after year for almost a decade until we lost her.

My pain is mostly for her because she is no longer here and those of us shattered can move forward & find some sense of healing. Diane can never eat her favorite food, smile again, work again, experience happiness, sadness, love…but we can. The second main thing is my pain is for her children and family\friends outside of work who knew her better than I did. I knew her very well but of course not as well as her own sons and while it’s so extremely difficult for me I know some aspects are likely more difficult for them. And last, my pain is for me. She was snatched out of my world so suddenly without warning.  I used to feel as if I was going into a panic when I would think like this. My chest would tighten, my heart would race, my eyes would turn completely black but my years of practicing Buddhist meditation helped me with this before I would go into a fullblown panic.

Last year, February 14th was the first anniversary of my friend’s death. I had to work for ten hours straight with no break and wasn’t sure just how I would find the strength but somehow I did. I felt like we were losing Diane all over again. I felt the life drain right out of me. I was in a fog like when it happened a year before. I was pissed at the world. I was snippy with everyone. They got snippy back and none of us were in a good mood. This wasn’t just the actual day but the days leading up to the date.

I had no money and my mom suggested after work we try to find a store to buy an inexpensive gift for each other. I just did not have it in me. I couldn’t find any desire to do anything that had to do with Valentine’s day. It seemed so cruel that my poor Diane had to lose her life like this on a day she loved and now can never celebrate again ever. I would have died for Diane. 💔❤ If I knew her heart was going to stop I would have given her my own if it were possible.

Her son also said he could just never celebrate Valentine’s day again & hoped his future girlfriend would understand. But Diane’s other son, who never celebrated Valentine’s day, said he will now begin celebrating and suggested all who love her keep on celebrating or begin celebrating her holiday to honor her & help us cope with this tragic loss of ours. What a wonderful idea! A day that we can see as so terrible, let’s turn it around and make it wonderful. It’s the day Diane lost her life. But it’s not only that. It’s also a day full of hope & possibility for those of us still alive. A day of LOVE not just grief. Grief is like a form of love. But there’s other forms of love to focus on. Diane’s son found the strength to celebrate a year after his mom’s death but I still couldn’t muster it. I just tuned it all out in my head.

This year though, I am much stronger than I was last year. I am not completely recovered. It’s not a loss I will “get over.” But I am strong and this year I choose LOVE. Last year I couldn’t seem to find the strength & wisdom I have discovered since then and now know.

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This year I am going to celebrate Valentine’s day to honor my sweet Diane. I can still feel something inside my chest feeling like it’s physically breaking. Some moments I still feel as if I will physically collapse in my grief. Sometimes I still lay in bed late at night, my whole body wracked in grief & still in immense shock, I still have these overwhelming urges to scream her name, on rare occasions I am filled with fury and want to scream, but I have love, gratitude, sweet memories, happiness, joy, laughter, smiles, strength….more than anger & pain. Diane never had to come into my world and be my friend but our lives did cross and for that I am extremely happy & thankful.

Something about Diane: she was extremely compassionate. So loving. She was assertive, sarcastic, loud, mouthy, always cursing, but loving. She loved not only her own friends & family but strangers as well. She hardly had money & borrowed money a lot and if she found someone else who needed money she gave the money to that person. She borrowed money and I would tell her not to pay me back, that it’s ok but she insisted and always paid me back even though it was a struggle for her. She used to give me one dollar bills & five dollar bills for no reason just because she knew how little money I had myself. And whenever she paid me back the money she borrowed, she would pay me back one dollar here & there until it was all paid up. I always thought it was so cute & funny. Diane told me once that one of her worst fears in life was that I would lose my quiet, sweet, gentle way if I ever let the bitterness or problems of others get to me. She told me to always stay loving and gentle even with those who are difficult to deal with and in situations that are a struggle for me. She told me to never change and I never will.

So how will I celebrate this year? I want to help others. Diane is dead and there’s nothing I can do about it. My chest aches to write it but it’s the truth. Like Diane, I love people and love to help. And I know she would absolutely love what I’m going to do. She’ll never know it but that’s not the point. She won’t feel the love but that’s not the purpose. My purpose is to help & inspire others. And I will carry her love with me always. Even though I lost Diane and experience a tremendous sense of loss and agony, I have never once felt that I lost her love. She loved me. She told me so and showed me everyday. What I will do is buy those small Valentine’s Day cards that come in packs of like ten or twenty or whatever, like the ones I would give to all my friends when I was a little girl, and write love messages in them, not romantic love messages but universal ones that can apply to everyone. Inspiring quotes, words of encouragement, positive messages, comforting messages….and leave them in random places for random people to find. This is what I planned to do and is good enough but I was trying to think of something I can do to help others in a more practical way as well. Then I remembered Diane & her dollars.

The dollar tips she would give servers, the dollars she would give me on random occasions just because, the individual dollars she would pay me back after borrowing thirty dollars, the dollars she would leave around for me at work, the dollars she would give to people who were struggling….Diane and those dollars! Lol I smile so much thinking of it. And I instantly knew what I have to do. Put a dollar in each little love note I slip into all those random places!

This isn’t to brag about the good I will do. My pain is so great I wouldn’t brag anyway but in my grief I especially can’t even care about getting credit. It makes almost everything seem so trivial. This is to inspire others to turn your love around and do something for the goodness of others. It doesn’t have to be this. This is just my story. But it can be this if you want! I would love for others to be inspired & do this, even if it’s just one card & one dollar! Imagine how happy my sweet Diane would be if she could know that her life & death inspires this kindness. If you knew Diane you would love her! I’m sure of it. She was the kind of person everyone loves. ❤

Or you can put your own spin on this or do something completely different to honor someone or just to do good. I met one sweet girl who lost her mom in February to cancer and a year later on the anniversary, just like Diane’s son, she somehow found the strength to honor her mama. She got all her beautiful long blonde hair cut off and donated it to cancer survivors who lost their hair to chemo treatment. What a beautiful soul. What can you do to honor someone you love so deeply and lost so painfully? Or just to do good for no specific reason other than wanting to make the world a bit more beautiful?!😍😀❤ Please let me know in the comments if you want or write a post of your own! And remember it’s totally not about bragging or receiving credit but bringing consolation, hope, & inspiration to others while sharing our own stories. ❤

Please remember the anniversary of the death of the one you love so much isn’t just a messed up, tragic, terrible day; it’s a day you are still alive and you can make that day anything you want to make it. Maybe not right away and it may take practice and strength you never could have possibly imagined you can posses but it’s a day like any other, a day of hope, love, chances, possibilities. It’s up to us to make it beautiful. The beautiful may never completely obliterate the ugly but it can certainly come into the mix and make it even just a little bit better.

This is for any loss, human or animal. Pet loss is just as bad and I understand it well. I have loved & lost pets as long as I have been alive and find the death of a human a bit more traumatic but both are devastating. My grief for Diane isn’t healing as well as it could be but so much better than it was. I’m wishing you much love, light, healing, always. I hope you will be inspired to do something and go on to inspire others! ~Hugs & love~ I love you! 😍😀❤

xoxo Kim 

Keep going. <3

This grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never all dried at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor is ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal sunset, eternal dawn and gloaming, on sea and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls.
Much love & light to you, always! ❤

😀 

XOXO Kim

Belong.<3

“Learn to make people your own. They already belong to you. They come from the same soil and breathe the same air which you expel. You are connected – so much connected.” ❤ 

😀

WE are connected. ❤ We belong to each other. Not just humans. All sentient beings. We all have the same basic wish to avoid suffering and all gravitate toward pleasure, happiness, life…. 😀

 I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❤

xoxo Kim

For those who wish to cross the water….❤

“When you’re in that dark place and you need that embrace
You know love is never too far away.” ❤ 😀

(waterfront at penn’s landing – I took this photo a few weeks ago! What a breathtaking view!)

May I be like a guard for those who are protectorless,
A guide for those who journey on the road.
For those who wish to go across the water,
May I be a boat, a raft, a bridge.” ~ Shantideva ❤

 I love Shantideva & his compassionate life philosophy – to be all that we can for anyone we can, all sentient beings, humans & non humans, alike. Be present to listen when others talk, give whatever we can to those in need, feed stray & wild animals, rescue insects, put them in grass outside instead of killing them or letting them die if we can help it, be a friend to someone in need, include others into our groups, welcome strangers into our world, give directions if we can to those who are lost, do random acts of kindness….

 I have chosen to consciously live this way for so long but more now than ever do I realize the importance of choosing life and then dedicating that life to others. Recently I got a new job that is a very big responsibility and there is potential for big problems. It can be a lot of pressure sometimes but I love it! There have been a few occasions I needed help, made mistakes, have been very lost (both in location & just not knowing what to do). I have always had strong faith in the goodness of people and have always believed we are fundamentally good & so ready to do good, and I have been so deeply thankful for how many have come to my rescue and have been so kind and forgiving & understanding, both strangers & people I know. In just the few weeks I had this job I have encountered more rudeness (carried out by strangers) than in the decade I worked at a food serving store but that is nothing next to the love I have encountered. 

In May 2010, in the middle of a suicide attempt, I chose life & made the vow to myself to be all that I can be for myself and especially others and in June 2016 I took the Bodhisattva vows at the Buddhist Center, vowing to dedicate my whole life to loving others in any ways I can. To cherish others as well as myself but others first. This is the path I have chosen to walk and I am never going back. Of course I don’t always succeed at this. Sometimes I’m not as kind as I can be and do not do good. I struggle with severe depression off & on and still come close to killing myself some occasions. But I keep learning, keep living, keep getting back up & moving forward. 

And I don’t negatively judge those who choose a different path and do not do these things I suggest. It’s up to each of us to choose how to live. And choosing Love even just once in a blue moon is better than never! My love goes out even to those who do not send love to me. ❤

My new job provides me with a multitude of opportunities to encounter ordinary angels & to be one. But it’s not the job that gives me the ultimate opportunity to Love; it’s being alive. We can be homeless & jobless & moneyless and still serve others. Just a smile, a hug, a helping hand, a friendly hello, a warm glance, a listening ear….can do wonders for someone. Maybe even save a life.

Unleash that inner super(wo)man! 😍

“It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life ohh save a life
Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels” ❤😀

Ordinary Angels – Craig Morgan – mobile

Ordinary Angels – Craig Morgan – desktop

Much love & light to you, always & forever. ❤
 xoxo Kim

 




Equalizing self & others❤

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(this is not my photo)

First, I should apply myself to meditation

On the equality of self and others.

Because we are all equal in wanting to experience
happiness and avoid suffering,
I should cherish all beings as I do myself.”
~ Shantideva (Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life)

(I wrote this a couple months ago and never posted it yet and just fixed it up and added to it now!)

Meditation doesn’t just have to be about sitting or laying still, eyes closed in a deep state; it can be any kind of mindfulness throughout the day during just about any kind of activity or just thinking about something, contemplation, reflection…

Recently I heard people laughing and joking about something bad that happened to someone else (someone’s poor little dog was killed by a large bird! 😢 )and I felt disbelief and something close to anger.
I was thinking they wouldn’t be laughing if it was them or someone close to them who it happened to.
I decided to express my distaste and tell them I’m almost certain they wouldn’t be amused if it were them it happened to. And one person said “well it wasn’t us so we can joke and laugh about it.” And I instantly, without much thought, blurted “but it’s just as bad when it’s someone else!!”

And then instantly I felt like I was being or coming off as a snob, someone who is sanctimonious or some moralist who acts superior to others, like my morals are above theirs or my compassion is somehow more complete than theirs.

It’s great to live how we want to live and express our views but it’s not good, in my opinion, to act like we’re above others who don’t share our views or lifestyle.

I wasn’t doing this in the incident I shared above but I can see how someone may think that, especially people who don’t know me well.

I definitely don’t think of myself as someone who lives and thinks better than others.
And I believe we all (or most at least) have the capacity to love even though for some, this ability is currently more developed than others and some are naturally more compassionate, we all (most) have the ability to strengthen it.

I don’t feel superior to those who I mention above. But I think it’s good to equalize ourself and others, being aware that underneath we’re the same and it’s not better when something good happens to us than when it does to others and no worse when something bad happens to us than to others.

But in brief encounters with people, it’s hard to express this view without seeming snobby or like I said, sanctimonious, unctuous….at this moment I can’t seem to think of words that seem less showy than these. Prig? lol That word always gets me laughing. It sounds to me like a slur or derogatory word but I dont think it is.

It’s great to find a balance of expressing our views but not being overly judgmental or destructively critical of others who hold different views.

I’m usually very good at this. But sometimes I feel the need to contemplate, find some sense of “demarcation,” and it can get confusing and it’s really subjective.

So I decided to share here.

This is one advantage social media has over the rest of life, we can write and share things that would be inappropriate in specific situations or come off as preachy in person.

On social media, some things can inspire while in life outside, they may be interpreted as negative. And in social media context, we have more of an opportunity to explain than in some “real-life” or in-person situations. Like here, I can write a whole blog post elaborating and anyone who wants can read but in brief encounters in person, I’m likely not going to get into a deep conversation or explanation about certain things. Like, it’s not likely I would stand there and go into an explanation of loving kindness meditation to people who probably couldn’t care less.

An example of something being inappropriate in person but not on social media is, if someone is in a severe depressive episode or experiencing some other terrible pain, it’s not always helpful to tell that person specifically, “it gets better” or “think positively” or “think of all you have to be thankful for…” But if that same person happens to stumble upon a blog post or photo or song shared with a similar sentiment, it can be very helpful.

It’s not good to be preached to but it’s great to come across inspiration on our own or things our friends share online.

Anyway, this incident I shared reminds me of just a few weeks ago when I laughed at someone when something bad happened to her. She frequently acts in a rude manner and frequently says negative things about people, both those she knows and strangers to her and shortly after she was bragging that she has a better lifestyle and morals than everyone else and if everyone was as great as her, we would all be rich and happy and loved and not have problems…. stuff like that, she experienced an unfortunate incident that I felt served her right. Nothing tragic or anything; I would never find that amusing. She believes when bad things happen to people, it’s their own fault(I believe this too, in a way, for the most part but in a compassionate, empowering way, not a callous way. “Bad things” are only bad and distress us because we havent yet trained our brain to remain positive, calm, and peaceful – it’s disempowering to believe we have no or only very little control over things in general- things are the indirect or direct results of our conscious or unconscious choices and even if not, we can still learn to control our reactions to things).

I usually do not laugh at people’s misfortune, even people who often act in an unkind manner but I did here. And at first I did not even feel guilty being amused even though I felt that it’s wrong. Then later I reminded myself that her pain is not a laughing matter and if it were me it happened to (or a friend of mine or my sister, or a person who usually seems more kind…), I wouldn’t be laughing. I felt a healthy sense of guilt that reminds me to not act in unkind ways against others.

So, I’m not innocent of this either, sometimes putting up too much of a barrier, too much separateness, instead of identifying with someone else’s situation. Usually I’m extremely empathetic to the point I feel everyone else’s pain and happiness and extremely compassionate but there are still occasions where this isn’t the case and I have room to evolve.

This woman is no different than me underneath. Just like me, she experiences pleasure and pain, happiness and suffering, desires and an aversion to pain…

I felt a pang of guilt and disgust with myself for laughing at the poor girl but I reminded myself that at least I caught it and actually want to be better.

Equalizing the self and others is a Buddhist technique but it can apply to every person, Buddhist or not.

In the simplest sense, it means keeping in mind that no matter who we are, we all have the desire for happiness and an aversion to suffering. We gravitate towards pleasure and relief and attempt to avoid pain and suffering.

All of our emotions are also emotions of others. We know what it is to suffer or be in pain or can imagine and so we have an idea of someone else’s suffering and the same with happiness and joy.
Whether those others are friends, family, strangers, enemies, people who are difficult to interact with, loving people(even non humans)….underneath we share a similar humanness or inner experiences.

There’s a certain meditation that helps us get to the place of always or almost always or even just more frequently identifying with others, deepening our empathy.

It’s called the lovingkindness meditation.

I sometimes have avoided this because it can be difficult.

During this meditation, at one point, we are to think of someone who we do not care for, don’t like, or someone who brought us pain at one point.

And we are encouraged to think loving things about that person.

I can tell you, it’s hard occasionally! Some occasions it’s easier than others but some occasions it feels near impossible.

Also, we are asked to think of someone who is neutral to us which is also very difficult for me because no one is usually neutral to me in the way this meditation suggests. I am already extremely loving and empathetic (not bragging! Lol) and can easily love and identity with strangers and others who aren’t close to me. Very often, I have affection for everyone I look at. I even often feel deep gratitude for the lives of strangers I happen to see just walking outside. When I hear about a person or animal’s life being saved, even those I never met and probably never will, I am overcome in deep gratitude and relief. And when I hear of a person or animal killed or died some other way, even ones i have never laid eyes on or even heard of til after the death; I am completely shattered. Sometimes I even feel as if my world just stopped turning. I can feel numb for days to hear of the death of someone I never knew. 

So thinking of a neutral person is hard, but not emotionally difficult like trying to love a person who I see as unpleasant, difficult like in a practical way. I have to wrack my brain trying to come up with someone.

I don’t not like most people, even those who seem unpleasant. It’s very rare that I have a serious problem with or very negative, general opinion of someone. And even when I do, I can usually talk myself into compassion for those people.

Even people who have said/done vicious things to me, I have much compassion for still, even if I don’t talk to them much anymore.

But I can think of a few people in this life, some I haven’t seen in years, who I don’t want really bad things to happen to but I also sometimes really don’t want to think loving thoughts about them either. So it’s sometimes just easier to avoid this meditation.

But the fact that it can be difficult, is even more of a reason to take the chance and engage in it.

It can be hard to want to think loving things about people who we feel do us wrong or do horrible things to others. It can be difficult to want to wish them well. And the ones I sometimes have difficulty thinking of in a loving way, are usually only people who said/did minor unpleasant things to me compared to what happens to some people. So if it’s this hard for me sometimes, to think positively of people who do less serious things, just imagine how much more difficult it probably can be for someone who was sexually assaulted to think of the attacker in a loving way or a person who has a friend or family member murdered or assaulted in some serious way to think of the predator in a loving manner. It probably feels impossible for some.

There’s an old man who used to grab me and feel me up all over and do other things to me when he would see me. He is (physically) stronger than me, as most men are, or at least was years ago. And he abused his power, his strength. Instead of using it for good, to help another, he used it for selfish purposes. He claimed to not be able to speak or understand English(though I heard him speaking it before). No matter how much I pulled away or said stop, he wouldn’t let go. I never liked it but would let it slide. Then one day he really assualted me and I felt a kind of fury surge through me that I never felt for a person before. I remember texting my mom telling her what happend. I was so pissed! I wanted to find another man to kick his ass for me but especially for any other girl or woman he may have assualted, but I never did. So I can imagine the pain & fury of someone who was seriously abused or assualted or is close to someone who was.

Try to find it in you to look up the sexual offenders list online, look at their pictures and read what they did. Imagine all those innocent people, most often women and children, who feel destroyed after a predator took it upon himself (not always but they’re usually men ) to violate an innocent person, not giving an ounce of concern for the person. Actually taking great pleasure in the screams, the tears, the agony of those being tortured. 

We automatically, easily have deep compassion for the survivors, victims, and families and friends. But try to have compassion for the predators. Try to love them, wish them well, hope they are happy and at peace. See how difficult it is? It feels near impossible. For many, maybe even most of us,  all we feel is repulsed. This is why loving kindness meditation can be so difficult. 

And it may even feel like we are betraying the victim or survivor if we love the one who committed the atrocious act. Or it may feel like if we forgive, it means we are condoning or allowing horrific acts of violence. But that is not the case. Forgiveness is a form of healing not only good for the one who did wrong but even more for the one who is wronged or who has compassion for the one wronged. And forgiving a person who hurt a friend of ours doesn’t mean we are betraying that friend or doing wrong to a person who is the survivor or victim of a serious assault.

Compassion and love for all does good for the whole world; it’s not just about people who do the horrible things “deserving” love & forgiveness. It’s not about them but about the world as a whole being better when we don’t perpetuate violence and hostility and negativity, when we put out positive energy.

I have been told on quite a few occasions that if we truly care about an issue, cause, person…we would or should feel fury or hatred for the “other side” or those who oppress people. We should hate child abusers, pedophiles, animal killers, sexual predators, serial killers, baby killers, injustice, inequality, racism, poverty, homophobia…..the list goes on. So many claim that if we dont hate or feel anger towards certain things or people, we won’t act to make things better.  I know they have good intentions but i disagree. Compassion, love, kindness can fuel us to act; not just hatred and fury. It’s true fury about things wrong in this world can provoke us to act for the better but it can also influence us to act and feel negatively. And like I said, compassion, love can inspire us to move.

Instead of focusing on the horrible monster who killed a child, why not instead shift our focus to the love\compassion we feel for the innocent and the friends and family of the victim? Instead of allowing our body to be filled to the brim with fury and loathing for injustice, racism, discrimination, bullying….how about instead dwell on the love, the well wishes we have for anyone affected by those things. Anger isn’t wrong but it is potentially destructive and not often as pleasant feeling as love. ❤

During my lovingkindness meditations, I rarely think of murderers who kill in cold blood and sexual predators, animal killers. And when I do, it’s sometimes so difficult to summon direct compassion for them even when it’s not me who is involved in any way(I experience compassion for them sometimes and anger and disgust other occasions). It’s hard to think loving thoughts about people who do horrific things to innocent, sentient beings even if I don’t know those innocent beings. 

When I think of people who did something to me that I feel is “extra” terrible or those who do horrible things to others, I remind myself that these are the people I have to focus even more loving energy on. Some I will most likely never see/see again and really don’t care to but the point is to get my own mind in an even deeper state of loving so I can BE more love for everyone everywhere I go, just live in a state of deep love. I often feel this anyway but I can still strengthen it, especially by focusing more conscious  love  on those I find it most difficult to love. I usually focus my love on people it’s easy to love and those I do not know, like “strangers,” everywhere I go and even some very “difficult people” I encounter or have known. But the people who I often find it incredibly difficult to think positively of, I usually don’t try to consciously love them. Even if I’m not wishing bad things on them either.

It’s like that saying “I don’t love you or hate you. I nothing you.” lol

(But in a diffrent way than the “neutral” people mentioned above – this is more of a conscious kind of thing)

But not wishing bad things on them, holding  our tongues and not lashing out or saying unpleasant things is a form of love or act of love. It’s a good start. So in this way, I have love for them too.

There’s people I have had very unpleasant encounters with but still feel positive emotions for them.

But then there’s the ones where it sometimes seems too much to want to lavish love onto them, even if just in my head.

When something is especially painful or difficult, it’s often even more of a reason to tend to it.

Those people, even if acting viciously or recklessly, still, like me, have the ability to be happy and the ability to suffer, the ability to love, and the potential to evolve. They have loved and lost, have fears, goals, plans….just like me, they can be struck with a heart attack, a bullet, a headache, tragedy, loss, death…like I can. They were once innocent babies and will (if they live long enough) be very old and even more susceptible to sickness and injury and closer to death.

We’re really all in this together.

It seems like nonsense to want to seek revenge and think negative things about others. But it can be tempting. We can resist temptation though and surrender to love (in whatever way we choose, positive thoughts, well wishes, affection, just not saying negative things…) even when it’s difficult.

To think like this, we train our brains to live in love. And this generates positive energy/auras.

I still occasionally find it hard to think and feel loving thoughts about those people but I get better with it.

“Fake it til you make it.”

This isn’t really about being fake but practicing compassion or positivity to truly BEcome and feel more positive and loving.

We don’t have to love everyone the same way or equally or want to see, talk to, or be friends with everyone. But we can have loving thoughts about everyone we think of and encounter, not just for them but to have our own body filled with loving energy to touch all those around us, and the whole uni-verse.

When we harbor negative energy it can not only be a detriment to our own self but to others. We may act consciously or unconsciously, in accordance with the state of our energy. This goes for both loving and negative energy.  

This isn’t just about experiencing empathy for the pain of others but also the joy and happiness even when they have things we want and do not or cannot have. Let’s make the happiness of others our own! ❤

If you don’t love or want to love everyone or those who do horrible things, that’s ok! This isn’t about judging people or saying everyone should live a certain way. We all have different ways and interests. As long as we’re basically good and not out killing and/or torturing  people/animals/sentient beings…, destroying property…, just for the thrill of it, it’s all good! And if we are out doing stuff like that, I hope we wake up soon and stop!

😀

Here is the desktop link to a video for a lovingkindness meditation.

Mobile version of the same video:

And here is an older post of mine on Empathy.

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/12/19/on-empathy/

Also, this is a beautiful Buddhist song about compassion, empathy, experiencing the joy and sorrow of others as if it’s our own. It’s a Buddhist song but can apply to all of us. 

Compassion – mobile

Compassion – desktop

Here are some of my favorite lyrics in the song:

“I need not be the grass to value the land or the poor slaughtered beast to know its pain” ❤

“I need not know a stranger to understand the joys and sorrows he encounters in this land.” ❤

“I need not be the winner with a trophy to celebrate his joy and to share his glory.” ❤

“If we just try to show a little compassion, not just to man but to all sentient manifestation, then no tears will be shed in isolation; another’s joy will be a cause for celebration.” ❤

“Let us live life with a little compassion…” ❤

“All I need is to look inside my heart – for compassion is there right from the start.” ❤

“In the end we should all come to realize sorrow & joy seen through another being’s eyes.” ❤

I’m wishing you much love & light today and always! ❤ 😀

Xoxo Kim