Tag Archive | coping

On Pain {Norman Vincent Peale}

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“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

Last night I posted something about my experience with unbearable physical pain. 
It is super long and much longer than I would have liked it to be but I wanted to share much of my experience with the agony to get the point across and express my pain.
I want to thank the people who read/liked it. Thank You so much! I appreciate it deeply. I know most people don’t care to read extra extra long posts and most of my posts will not be that long. 😀 Only when I have a real lot to say all at once. Lol

Here is another post on pain. You don’t have to read my previous post to make sense of this one. 

It’s interesting how an extremely painful experience can humble us, deepen our empathy, allow us to be more in touch with and aware of the pain and joy of the world but it can also go the other way. It can lead some to become arrogant in certain ways with a hardened heart, less empathetic, less patient with those who seem to not have experienced as much pain. It can trigger some people to sometimes regard other people’s problems as trivial or not as worthy of compassion compared to their own extreme pain. I don’t think that reaction is wrong or that all people who think that way are completely heartless or that we should all have the same empathetic reaction, necessarily. It’s just my observation.

I can completely understand how someone’s pain or sickness is so bad the person just wants to scoff at someone whining over something so frivolous it seems ridiculous next to what that person is experiencing. I’m not innocent of this myself on some occasions.

We all react in our own way, ways that are best or appropriate or come easily for us based on our experiences and ways of coping, we’re all different and handle things differently and I don’t try to force people to be a certain way or usually judge negatively for how someone else reacts when it’s not how I would react myself.  

Some people and some things people say are cold, heartless, callous, and outright cruel to others. And I don’t support or promote it but I understand not everyone will understand and care.  And I still embrace them in my universal love. 

My reaction to very painful experiences is almost always deeper empathy or becoming more in tune or aware or being reminded that there are so many others suffering like I am and worse and less who need all the love, compassion, and empathy they can receive. 

I don’t believe that physical pain is necessarily not as bad or is worse than emotional pain. They can both be severe, moderate, or mild, depending upon the kind of pain, the person, the coping mechanisms someone has and other circumstances. 

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I was reading words that inspired Norman Vincent Peale. He inspires me and I want to know what inspired him. 

I am not religious or spiritual in a way that has to do with the supernatural. I am an atheist. I don’t believe in the afterlife. But I find inspiration everywhere, even in religious writings and things that people who believe in some god or gods say. 

Norman Vincent Peale was a very religious Christian man and well known minister and he is known for his work, “The Power of Positive Thinking.”

I came across his words on pain & suffering.

“Pain and suffering have wracked humanity throughout history. Evidence of arthritis has been discovered in the earliest skeletons of the past. 
My friend Lloyd Ogilvie, distinguished pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, California, once said that he had learned several important lessons from personally experiencing pain and suffering. He found he grew the most spiritually during those ordeals.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

“No one welcomes pain. But, rightly faced, it can bring about great good. And we can triumph over it.”

He writes of Doug Williams, quarterback for the Washington Redskins, and how the man endured hours of dental surgery the day before the 1988 Superbowl football game. Then during the game, he injured his knee. But he still led the team to victory, breaking one record after another.

That is truly amazing!

Dr. Peale states that when we are struck by pain, we often ask the wrong questions, such as ‘why me?’ But more positive and productive questions are ‘What can I learn from this? What can I do about it? What can I accomplish in spite of it?’
There is deep wisdom in this and it’s so very motivational and helpful.

I have never asked “Why me?” I don’t want it to be anyone and it’s not “me” for any specific reason. I just got this disorder. It’s nothing personal against me, not a punishment I deserve. It’s just something going wrong in my body. Why not me? Why anyone? Because it’s the way our world works.

Some people get terrifying and agonizing sicknesses and disorders, both physical and mental, while others are blessed to never know that pain. But we are not victims unless we choose to be or unless we’re dead. To me, the only victims are dead. That’s not to say living people aren’t in despair and agony and are not suffering and do not deserve compassion. It’s to say no matter how dark it gets, no matter how deep the despair is, we can always choose to get up and pro-act as best as we can.

Here are some quotes Dr. Norman Peale loved by other people:

“In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.” ~ Paul Harvey 

Yes! If you survived before, which you have since you’re here, surely you will survive again and again and again….when your pain comes in waves or clusters or patterns or just flares, just ride each wave like you’re on top of the world. As the Beach Boys say, catch a wave and you’re sittin’ on top of the world! Oh how easy it is to say and think this when things aren’t so bad but even in pain, sickness, fatigue, depression….it can be done. On a Facebook page for cluster headache support, education, and awareness, I saw this….

“On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for surviving bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good.”

“It takes more distress and poison to kill someone who has peace of mind and loves life.” ~ Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.

Yup! Physical pain and illness are not depression or a negative attitude. They can contribute to and trigger that but they are not it. They can be separated.  It’s important to keep in mind that we CAN be happy and joyful even in pain. There is still beauty. We may sometimes have to look harder but it’s there. Even with emotional pain, we can train our brains to seek out beauty and some sense of joy even when it’s hard.

“Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires – disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.” ~ Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.

Again, pain of any kind can teach us, strengthen us, deepen us, and guide us.

“One cannot get through life without pain….What we can do is choose how to use the pain life presents to us.” ~ Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.

This says it all! 😀 Let’s take all of our pain and struggles and use it all to our advantage. 

I found a few things that help me cope with the pain and the psychological consequences of having an extremely painful disorder. One of them is art journaling, writing, painting, gluing, arts & crafts…another is reading positive quotes and other things and sharing them. This also helps with my depressive disorder. Sometimes just seeing a positive quote uplifts me even when I’m not feeling it completely. 
We don’t always have to be or feel positive but it’s good in general to maintain a positive attitude, in my opinion. 
And sharing quotes and happy photos to help others helps me also. I don’t share positive things to pretend everything is good, I share them because it really helps me often and it can inspire anyone who may see it. Also I try to find songs about physical pain to help me cope, there’s one called “Headache” by Frank Black and one called “Touch Me I’m Sick” by Mudhoney. And one called “Novocaine” by Green Day which may be about emotional pain but it can also apply to physical pain.

“Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can’t take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming”

Don’t I know it!

 And one by Alice Cooper called “Pain” about all kinds of pain. Alice is singing as if he is Pain itself singing. 
“You know me, I’m pain.” 
“It’s a compliment to me to hear you scream me through the night, all night, tonight.” 
“I’m pain
I’m your pain
Unspeakable pain
I’m your private pain”

He also has one called, “The Sharpest Pain” not really about physical pain but still, deep, agonizing pain.

Lol what a gloomy subject to be writing about but pain is part of being alive. Sometimes, even sharp, aching, throbbing, burning, wretched, overwhelming pain.

Much love, hope, strength, comfort, joy, and healing to you who are reading this no matter what your situation is.

Xoxo Kim 😀

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Living for the simple moments {beauty all around}

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“Underneath your blackest emotions,
far above your brightest wishes,
stands a world for you to hold” ~Samael

I was watching videos about children who suffer with severe mental illnesses like schizophrenia. It’s currently incurable and is a lifelong struggle for them. They suffer immensely and so do their families and those close to them who do the best they can to cope and help them cope.
They suffer hallucinations and delusions, some pleasant and some not pleasant. 
They talk to things no one else can see.
Unlike some children, these aren’t imaginary friends playfully made up for fun, they are hallucinations the brain makes up as a result of an imbalance in its chemistry. It doesn’t function the way most people’s brains function. They literally see, hear, feel things that aren’t there for everyone else and often, they believe they’re real. And to them they are very real.

You can tell a hallucinating person that what that person is seeing, hearing, or feeling isn’t really there and it’s possible the person will know it’s not really there but that knowledge will not make the hallucinations any less real.

That can be an additional stress on someone. Knowing what the person is seeing, hearing, feeling isn’t really there but not being able to make it go away, even feeling the need to respond to certain hallucinations knowing they’re not really there. It can be so frustrating.

Sometimes their mental illnesses provoke some of them to act violently against other people not because they’re bad people but because their brains don’t function properly. Not everyone with a mental illness is violent as a result but some can be. Most aren’t.
In other ways they can be just like other little kids. They like to play, go outside, run around, swing, laugh….

People with mental illnesses, children and adults alike, are a whole person underneath, a person separate than the illness. But sometimes the sickness seems to take over.

It’s a heartbreaking struggle.
 
One of the most inspiring parts of one of the videos I watched is when a little girl’s dad said he has only two hopes for his little girl. One that she stays alive and two that moments of happiness will always find her throughout her days even when most parts of her days are an agonizing battle, he hopes she will always find something to be happy about in the midst of her pain and struggle. 

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This can be viewed in a more negative light like that it’s too bad that all someone has is little moments throughout the day because everything else is just so bad.
Or it can be viewed in a positive light that there are always moments we can embrace to be inspired and joyful, single moments scattered throughout each day that we have, to seize and hold on for. No matter how much pain we’re in.

 It’s a beautiful coping mechanism. Mental illness and physical illness is heartbreaking and devastating but as long as we stay alive and hold onto any little bit of happiness or joy or anything that can make us smile or giggle about, we can make it.

We can’t always hope to be cured or to be generally recovered or to go in remission right now. We can’t always hope that pain will end right now. Some things just won’t be cured and some people will have to struggle most days or everyday just to survive and do basic things. Some people will have severe flare ups every now and again, of an illness physical or emotional that will feel near impossible to cope with.
And even temporary pain or struggles that we know will end eventually, can just seem so overwhelming, so absolutely unbearable. 

But as long as we live and can find those glimpses of magic hidden in the midst of the pain and darkness, we can have something to hold, something to hope for, something that encourages us to keep going, to get out of bed, to move.

The reflection of the sun on windows and signs and water, the blueness of the sky, white fluffy clouds, a steaming cup of hot tea, a funny movie, the depth of inspiration a beautiful song can bring us, a poem, friends, family, animals, photography, books, the vibrant colors all around, random acts of kindness, strangers, hot fudge sundaes, peanut butter, the gentle flapping of butterfly wings, helping someone, funny jokes….whatever touches you in a deep place. 

These things, the simple beauty all around, are always beautiful no matter what our situation is but for some people with certain illnesses or disabilities or in certain situations, they are all we have at the moment. Just moments of simple beauty and joys. Sometimes it’s really all we can hope for, to have solitary moments of joy or happiness or some small sense of pleasure in the midst of our darkness.

And it can be enough.

I know this because when my depression/psychosis is flaring up for hours, days, weeks, months, whether it’s a full blown episode or just some symptoms, sometimes all I can do to stay alive, to find the motivation, the inspiration, the courage, and strength to carry on, is grasp onto all the single happy or joyous moments throughout every day of my darkness & despair. Focus on the goodness that still does exist.

I no longer have long term general depression in the middle of each major depressive episode but sometimes I still have temporary depression or depressive symptoms in the middle of each recurring episode and it can be difficult to cope with. Having depression or any mental illness or pain can feel like a different world than where everyone else is. Even when my depression is not flaring up and I’m not depressed at all, even when I’m happy, there are some occasions I think about it and it feels like I live somewhere else, somewhere that is very different than where people without depression live. It’s like another place, another time, another world. To know I have this dark place I slip into and have lived for so long.
To have random suicidal thoughts and urges that can appear suddenly for seemingly no reason.
It can be a struggle to feel like I’m normal. 
People say there’s no such thing as “normal.”
And that it’s good to be different and “crazy” and unique.
But in some cases there really is such a thing as “normal.” People who always want to live, those who don’t have to battle random or frequent suicidal urges, ones who don’t have unpleasant images and thoughts flashing across their brains, people who don’t have their whole body crushed in an invisible heaviness where they can’t even stand up straight, ones without panic attacks and flashbacks and frequent anxiety, food obsessions, seriously disordered eating habits ….(i don’t have anxiety or panic attacks or body image issues/eating disorders and never have but many, many people do and it’s a serious problem that is very painful for them)
This is normal to not have all this. 
And for people who have any of it, it can be a difficult struggle to try to be regular.
I know people without health conditions like this may not be “normal” in other ways but in this context they are.
And it’s not good to try to force ourselves to be society’s or someone else’s idea of normal while not being true to ourselves. 
But that’s not what I’m talking about here.
Yes it’s good to be “unique” but not when unique means battling violent urges to take myself out for days/weeks/months.
And “crazy” is good when it’s all fun and games and playing, acting funny and silly but it’s not good when “crazy” is a true illness.
It’s not always easy to handle and it provokes pain in me, even when I’m not depressed sometimes. Just thinking about it.
Not always. For the most part I feel and am normal. But it can be a struggle sometimes.

 The psychological consequences of having this condition, even when it’s not currently acting up, are profound and we have to find ways to cope with the pain and struggles and the very fact of having them when we are someone with a mental disorder.

I know I’m not a victim. That’s why I’m posting this, because I have found a way to empower myself and I hope it helps someone else. This life is still a sweet blessing. Just because we have bad things and painful things happen to us, doesn’t mean we are victims.

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” ~Jawaharlal Nehru

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 I’m alive. And as long as that remains true, there is hope. Even when I can’t feel it.

Sometimes the simple things are lifesavers, crucial parts of my coping mechanisms. 
They are all there is. 

I honor all the brave families and other people for sharing their stories, for sharing their pain and struggles with the world. Mental illness, medication, mental illness in children, specific ways of coping, treatment…are all very controversial. People disagree on the nature of some illnesses, whether or not they really exist, if certain treatments are ethical, the way people handle these illnesses and so much more. Anyone who shares a story like this that reaches a large audience, on blogs, YouTube, tv…, is bound to receive criticism of all kinds, some intended to be constructive, other critics intending to be malicious and inflict pain or anger upon those sharing their story.
There will always be loving supporters and those who just want to hurt.
Anyone who shares their story is brave and strong and deserves love and compassion whether or not we agree with everything they do or say or believe.
The people who share their pain with the world do the best they can the best they know how. 
No one chooses to be mentally ill. We have to take the life we were gifted with, healthy or not, and do the best we can with it, bloom where we’re planted, create a firm, strong foundation with everything we know, everything we experience, everything that is thrown at us.

“Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it.” ~Anne De Lenclos 

Mental illness, pain, being suicidal…none of these are choices but acting on them is often a choice. Acting negatively or acting positively. Giving in and giving up or finding it in us to keep going with everything we have. We have the choice to do something to better ourselves, to hold on, to inspire, bring hope, consolation, encouragement, and understanding to others. 

I choose to hold on, to keep going, to inspire myself and anyone else I can along the way.

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And I hope you will always do the same whatever your situation is. And if you need reminders every now and again, look for them. Take photos of happy things, write positive quotes and affirmations in a book so you can always look at them when you need inspiration, always remember words, books, things that have helped you and let them continue to help you. Remember an occasion when you were happy and filled with joy and hope and full of life and know you have it in you to feel that way again. If you can’t remember when you last felt that way, then know there’s always hope as long as you’re alive.  The world is full of pain but it’s also full of hope, healing, happiness, love, and possibility. Endless possibilities.

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“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

Xoxo Kim

30 Days of Lists – Day #3 Art Journaling Tips & Ideas

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I have always loved journals, drawing, writing…but I would always start a journal then eventually stop until a while later, lose it, and start a new one. I never knew why exactly until recently.   I have never been a perfectionist at all but I have felt low occasionally for not being some definition of perfect.  I never usually tried to be perfect at most things but I wanted to be without even trying and felt low for not being that way. The reason I always give up journaling/drawing and stuff, I realized is, I have terrible handwriting and drawing skills. I always knew that but never quite realized, consciously, that my view of it was interfering with me. If you look at my handwriting you will seriously think a first grader wrote it! It’s not my choice either!   I can’t write neat or small. It’s very large and sloppy.  It’s funny though and I laugh about it.  

A stranger once saw my handwriting and said I have serial killer handwriting.   His teacher told him that when he was young, he said. Lol!

And when I write in cursive I can’t even understand it myself. So yeah. 

And when I draw, it looks like a little kid’s artwork. But I have finally come to accept that it doesn’t matter. It’s still healing and still fun and still great to draw and write in journals. It’s different than writing in an online blog or in a memos section in some electronic device. Both are great! But journaling in a notebook is more of a “hands on” experience. 

So I won’t let my serial killing handwriting get in the way any longer!  

I love looking at people’s art journals online. It inspires me and is aesthetically pleasing. But I have found myself occasionally comparing myself to those people with me coming up short.   “Why can’t I draw that good?” “why couldn’t I think of that?!” “why doesn’t mine look that artistic?” “how can she do that and not me?!?!”

But I decided to silence that monster and just focus on what I’m doing right. It’s art journaling, it can’t ever be wrong!   I let those other journals inspire and please me more than make me distressed or envious that my skills aren’t that great.   It’s a hobby, not a job that must be perfect.  

I am so thankful that I now realize why I never stick with artistic stuff. Because I get fed up with my handwriting and lack of skills. And I’m thankful I now realize that it doesn’t have to be an issue.   Comparing ourselves to others in negative ways is an ugly thing. Now let’s stop.

I recently began a new art journal.   And I will stick with it. I will fill it up with kiddy drawings and serial killer handwriting until it’s overflowing and be very proud! ;-D

So today I am listing some ideas for journal entries and some tips. This is somewhat new for me and I’m just learning and exploring and haven’t tried a lot of this.   So if you’re also new to it, we can learn and explore together!  

And if your an expert already give me some tips! Lol

Some of these I thought of completely on my own, others are inspired by other places I seen.
And I will add the links where I got some ideas at the end of this post.

1.) song lyrics – try to capture some lyrics to a song that has some sort of meaning to you. Maybe write the lyrics and draw around them or not write them in words but draw them out. Maybe scenes of a song or just the emotions they inspire in you.

2.) quotes – do the same as above but with a quote 

3.) draw yourself as your favorite character in a book you read. Pretend that’s you. How do you feel? Put yourself in that character’s place.

4.) least favorite character  – step outside your comfort zone and try the above suggestions but instead draw yourself as the villain or your least favorite character! 

5.) random scene – choose a random scene out of a book. Maybe randomly flip to a page and draw what you see/read on that page. Or search your memory for just some scene and bring it alive in your journal.

6.) favorite scene – do the above suggestion but choose one of your favorite scenes instead of a random one. Or even draw your least favorite or uncomfortable scene!

7.) Be inspired by something you always wanted to do – Is there something you want to do so badly but just never have? I have for so long wanted to dress up in a beautiful dress and go to some fancy expensive restaurant for no reason other than just because! Lol I wear just pants and shirts everyday. I dont have much money and whenever I got dressed up before and hair done it was for some big occasion like a graduation, a wedding, prom or whatever.   Imagine going all out, getting all dolled up for no reason other than sheer pleasure?! Some people may think it’s a waste but to me it’s just a thrill! :-D. I don’t plan on making a habit of it. I’m not materialistic generally but once in a blue moon is ok! Everyday of your life is a special occasion! 

8.) worst pain you have ever felt – art journaling is healing for both physical and emotional pain. It can help ease the pain sometimes but even if it doesn’t it can help us cope with the pain. I have a depressive disorder that doesn’t get cured but comes and goes in symptoms and full blown episodes. Many days now it’s like I don’t even have it. But I do and it always comes back. Art journaling is amazing for coping. Also, I have a physical pain disorder.   A chronic facial/head pain disorder. It’s so bad and interferes with my life when it flares up badly like right now. Like my depression, it comes and goes.   But with the physical disorder I am usually always in some degree of pain, often mild. The mild usually doesn’t interfere with my happiness or my life in general. It’s just there. But the moderate to severe pain is pure raw agony and I feel so broken.   So very broken. There’s no safe, effective medical treatments, just home remedies that help. Sometimes severe flare ups come frequently over and over lasting for days to weeks. Sometimes they don’t show up for months and months. They come on without warning. Sometimes waking me in the middle of sleep.  Since there’s very little I can do to ease them after they appear, I have to find ways to handle them and cope with the pain. Healthy ways.  Physical movement and expression of the pain often help. Like I said, not help alleviate the pain usually but just cope with it.
Sharing comforting quotes with others when I’m in pain, knowing I may be helping someone else, helps me too.   I can’t bear the thought of knowing there’s others in the depth of pain I’m in. And even worse! I can’t fathom it. But capturing my pain in writing and drawing helps so much. Physical pain brings with it, emotional pain, panic, and fear, distress…and it’s important to handle it effectively. 

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9.) a moment you felt shocked – draw/paint how it feels to be shocked.

10.) let your unconscious mind and hand lead the way – don’t think, just draw or paint or write or cut out and glue….see what you create.

11.) What does love feel like to you ? Capture it

12.) your idea of beauty – what does beauty feel like?

13.) capture a poem you like in an image 

14.) draw a fantasy you have

15.) capture a dream you once had while you slept or the feelings it provoked or still provokes in you

16.) capture yourself exactly as you are but with one difference – maybe something you have been wanting to change about yourself or something you would never want to change about you. Maybe this can make you more grateful for all that you currently are or motivate you to change that one thing for the better.  

17.) draw a feeling you used to love when you were little – I have always loved being in school with all the other kids. Especially when we would do unusual activities like turn the lights off and watch a movie or have a holiday celebration. I still remember how it felt. How it felt to be a child. A child in school with all other kids doing fun activities.   I can never feel that again in a  moment because I will never be a kid again. And I will never literally be in that place again.  But I cherish the memories and would love to capture them in an artistic way.

17.) meditative experience – try to meditate while creating.   Literally try to feel what you are capturing, doing, feeling. Feel it. Don’t just draw mechanically or make it obligatory. Try to live in the moment 

18.) don’t just focus on the end result. Savor the process of creating.   Sometimes I have trouble with this. I can’t wait to see my masterpiece and I neglect to cherish the very process of creating. 

19.). Try not to force your journal to only be a certain way. Let it flow.   It doesn’t all have to be positive or profound.   It can be sometimes negative and sometimes “trivial.”. Every entry doesn’t have to be pretty or have some great meaning or underlying message.  

20.) what’s it like to be very scared? What’s your biggest fear whether it can really happen or not.

21.) What is it to be lonely?

22.) to actually be alone? 

23.) Express, draw, paint…how it felt when you were rejected? maybe for a job or a university. By a potential lover or friend or family member.

24.) keep in mind that your content doesn’t have to make sense to anyone, not even yourself. It can be abstract, confusing, mysterious, and nonsensical. Even if you decide to share it, you don’t have to feel the need to explain it.  I love a little mystery.   My favorite kind of poetry and artwork is obscure kind. Especially when it kind of seems to make sense but doesn’t.   I often like to write, poetically, without explanation . And when I read poems and view artistic stuff by others, I love when they don’t explain it. I love drawing my own implications or interpretations.   But you certainly can explain if you want! You just shouldn’t have to feel like it’s your obligation. 

25.) Express your gratitude list artistically

These are just suggestions; I’m in no way saying they are the only right way and anything else is wrong.   Some of these are great for some people and not others. Do what’s best for you, of course, even if above I stated something else.  

Your journal doesn’t just have to be about drawing or painting or coloring. You can cut things out and glue it onto your pages. Someone suggested old pieces of mail, glue it on and color or paint over it. Cut out magazine pieces or cloth and glue it on. Anything you can think of!

My journal doesn’t look anywhere nearly as artistic as some I have seen! But instead of viewing that in a negative light, I see it as a fun challenge! I have all these blank pages to make more and more creative and soon mine will be looking great!

I have drawing pencils, watercolor paints & pencils, colored pencils, markers, magazines, and glue and scissors for now.

Just by starting this new journal very recently and listing these here today, I learned even more about myself. I found a deeper part of me. A part I forgot about. I was able to summon some old experiences, feelings, memories that I forgot about but are still very important.  I learned some new or forgotten fears, how really capable I am of healing and coping, how deeply certain things both old and new have affected me in both good and bad ways.

I have been able to somewhat distract myself and push the physical pain and my fear of it to the back burner of my mind as I focus on this.

Remember you don’t have to show your art journal entries to anyone!   It’s up to you. Even though I’m very shy, I’m also very open about my experiences, emotions, opinions…and I don’t mind sharing with people. I love to. But many people say they love knowing their journal is just for them, never for anyone else to lay eyes on. No one else has to judge it, critique it, or know of its content.

As open as I am, I like to share most of my ideas and things with people on and offline. But sometimes it does feel very good to have a secret of my own. Not because the secret is too embarrassing or awkward to let people know but just because it’s a little thrilling having some things only I know. I don’t make that a habit but there are a few things I like selfishly keeping to myself!   Lol. One example is my dreams at night. I dream often and frequently remember them. And for some reason I like keeping lots of my dreams to myself. Again, not because they’re embarrassing or fear of judgment but it’s sweet just having something for me! Lol
I love remembering dreams I had and knowing there’s no one else in the entire world who knows this but me.

It’s especially thrilling since I’m not usually like that and I usually share so much about myself.

So it’s up to you to share or not to share your journal entries!   What I would really recommend though is that you decide only after your entry is done If you will share or not. Go into it deciding that this is just for you and that you won’t share with anyone. Then when it’s done you can decide to share if you want. I recommend this because if you decide that you will show people your entries before you complete them, you may unconsciously hold back something or feel too pressured that it has to be perfect or at least presentable, something that others will appreciate. You may unconsciously start to create more for other people than for yourself.   This defeats the purpose of art journaling. Your art journal is not a public blog for yourself and everyone who comes across it. It’s for you and only you.  

It’s meant to be healing, expressive, creative and if you feel pressured to make it a certain way then you may not get the most out of it. So be all that you can be, do what is best for you and only you then decide if it’s meant for anyone else’s eyes.

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If you have any tips or ideas or any links to pages about art journals please let me know! Whether you are also somewhat new to art journaling, already have been engaging in this for a while, or never tried it! I would love any ideas! All are valuable to me! Thank You!!

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Thank You so so much to everyone who reads, shares, likes, “likes,” and comments on my content! I appreciate you so much!!! And I hope you find something helpful here.

Xoxo Kim

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P.s. I totally forgot the links!!

Here you are:

http://www.blacksburgbelle.com/2010/10/50-art-journal-prompts/

30 Days of Lists – Day #1 Inspirational Songs

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I have been working on this post for a few days now.

Recently I came across an interesting blog challenge called “30 Days of Lists.” I can’t find the source now but it’s a challenge where everyday we compose a list for any topic we want. They provided some examples like: things about yourself, words you really dislike, places you want to visit….and you can make up your own lists.

Today I’m going to do a list of some of my favorite positive/inspirational songs. I have so so many and I will list some now. I love all kinds of songs, happy, sad, sappy, romantic, friendship, fast, loud, slow, death metal, Oldies, country….but my absolute favorite ones are sappy, about love romantic and platonic/friendship, loving everyone…, Oldies and country.   And inspirational, uplifting ones. I think it’s important to have a special play list of just uplifting ones along with all the others, either uplifting in the message or the tunes.   

Songs that will uplift you and not make you sad.    Sad songs are beautiful too and sometimes it’s good to listen to a song that matches your current mood. But sometimes it’s better to listen to a more uplifting song that will inspire you to be happier.

So here’s my list(many of them are country songs) There are twenty – Six here:

1.) Cherish – Kool and the Gang

This is a romantic love song but it can be applied to life in general.   It doesn’t matter if you’re single or taken, in love romantically or not; you can’t take the lesson to heart, applying it everyday. It’s about being incredibly grateful for THIS life right NOW. You never know what will happen in the next instant, what or who will be taken away, what dramatic changes will occur….”Let’s cherish every moment we have been given, the time is passing by.” Remember this life you have currently, the current state you’re in now, it won’t always be the case. Things can and will change for better and for worse. Health changes, life changes, situations change….take right now to feel blessed.

2.) You and Me – Alice Cooper 

Another romantic love song but can be applied to life in general. The message is about realizing what we have IS beautiful. We ARE enough just being us. We don’t have to have some big extravagant job or be financially rich or have some busy, glamorous life to be RICH, happy, and so in love with life itself.

“But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
some lovin’,
and TV, yeah.
And that’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
well that’s enough for me.”

“What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, sweetheart
that’s just enough for me.”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6ur55juZ4Og

3.) The Chain of Love – Clay Walker

Not a romantic love song but a love song just the same. About reaching out in love to those in need whether or not we know them. Strangers are still people, still someone. At one point, we will all be in need of a helping hand and we should all keep that chain of love going.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mVQGQ0wh7eY

“You don’t owe me a thing,
I’ve been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I’m helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here’s what you do
Don’t let the chain of love end with you”

4.) Happy Girl – Martina McBride 

This is a lovely song about a girl who used to be frequently miserable and in a constant state of hopelessness. She walked through life with a heavy heart. Then one day she realized it doesn’t have to be this way. She can be happy. Life can be good. Great.   Beautiful. Amazing. She realized that complaining wasn’t changing the world for the better. So she chose to change for the better. She let’s herself be sad, be happy, feel whatever she feels but she is generally a HAPPY girl now! I love it. I can relate so much to this song! It’s like it was written about me. I was that depressed, sad, lonely, hopeless girl for so long until I chose to change and be happy.

5.) Come Monday – Jimmy Buffett 

I read that one day many years ago Jimmy Buffett was in a hotel room, on tour, I think, and he was in despair and contemplating suicide. But instead of killing himself, he wrote this and it saved his life. I’m so grateful that his life was spared. This is actually a positive song about Monday! About how there’s something to look forward to even when we’re suffering emotionally, in immense pain. When Monday comes, it will all be alright. 

 
“Come Monday, it’ll be all right
Come Monday, I’ll be holdin’ you tight
I spent four lonely days in a brown L. A. haze
And I just want you back by my side

I can’t help it honey
You’re that much a part of me now
Remember that night in Montana
When we said there’d be no room for doubt

I hope you’re enjoyin’ the scenery
I know that it’s pretty up there
We can go hikin’ on Tuesday
With you I’d walk anywhere
California has worn me quite thin
I just can’t wait to see you again”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?list=PLA3CF6E96E781FE63&v=1DnBwdBhS3c

6.) “If the World had a Front Porch” – Tracy Lawrence 

This lovely song is how we should treat everyone as if they’re our own family and friends. We should act lovingly with each other no matter what. It wouldn’t solve all our problems but we would all be friends. It’s reminiscent and nostalgic with the singer remembering how his family would sit on their front porch years ago and all just love each other. I love the warm loving feeling that wells up in me just thinking of this beautiful message.

“If the world had a front porch, like we did back then
We’d still have our problems, but we’d all be friends
Treatin’ your neighbor like he’s your next of kin
Wouldn’t be gone like the wind
If the world had a front porch, like we did back then”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y38h55EaHL0

7) You’re a movie. – Alice Cooper

This song is about having amazing self -confidence. Confidence enough to take on the world and give other people strength just by them being in our very presence.  

“Bullets repel off my medals
And my men are in awe when I speak
All chaos my strategies settles
My mere presence gives strength to the weak

For me it seems really alarming
I’m really just only a man
With five million sheep in this army
I seem to be the only one fit to command”

“Another day, another victory
Another gold stripe, another star
Really quite boring sometimes
I wish they’d send someone equal to my strategies

What a guy
I’m really quite a guy”

8.) Every woman has a name  – Alice Cooper

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mVQGQ0wh7eY

This is an amazing, beautiful, sweet, slow song with an incredible message. The message is that every woman is someone. Someone important. Someone with beauty, pain, struggles, a life. No matter how rich or not, no matter what her job or life situation is like. A waitress, a queen or debutante, a Housewife, a girl with a broken heart and struggles. It doesn’t matter, every woman is lovely.

“And even when your world was shakin’
Even when your breath was taken
Even when your blue eyes turned to gray

Small town debutantes and queens
Every woman has a name
Cocktail waitresses with dreams
Every woman has a name
And every girl whose love survives
A broken heart to stay alive
You signed your picture in the frame
Every woman has a name

You had your love affair
Some were perfect but most of them were pain
Seems a hundred years ago
It took you to the highest hill
Left you standing frozen in the rain
But you still feel the afterglow”

9.) 5:00 somewhere -Jimmy Buffett & Alan Jackson 

This song is just really funny and uplifting. He’s stuck at work on a slow summer day and his boss is being an asshole and he decides that even though it’s only the early afternoon he’s getting out since somewhere it is 5:00! Lol

“Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
He don’t care
And I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: What time zone am I on?
What country am I in?

Alan: It doesn’t matter

It’s five o’clock somewhere”

10.) Help Me to Heal – Olivia Newton John

Olivia Newton John was tragically afflicted with breast cancer but she survived! And with an amazing attitude!   She chose gratitude. And she wrote and sang songs to help her heal and stay strong. I am so so thankful for her stunning, beautiful songs of hope and healing. To me, they are so delicate but so strong and just like they help her, they help me heal. Since I have depression which comes and goes, it can be difficult to choose gratitude when depression overwhelms me. I don’t like feeling depressed but when I’m depressed, I’m often tempted to just let it consume me. It takes strength and motivation, and so much energy to battle it and not let it really suck me in like a vacuum like it used to, where I would be suicidal and just hopeless for months year after year. I still have severe episodes but I now more often than not remain hopeful without serious suicidal thoughts/urges/contemplation. I can cope so much better when I’m hit with an episode.

“I know I’ll find the strength to fight
If I can trust I’m gonna be alright
So walk me through my darkest fears tonight”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4jfDm3RKXWc

11.) Learn to love yourself – Olivia Newton John

This song is so beautiful about loving yourself. Self-love is very important and it’s not about conceit or arrogance. It’s about being full and compassionate and loving. Self-love is so healing. No matter how many people love you, you won’t truly be fulfilled, probably, until you truly love you. Other people’s love for you is definitely healing to a certain degree but it’s not enough. Your self love is enough.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CUO4-y-z-Gg

“Youre hurting, uncertain
Alone again
Still searching for someone
But so afraid

And youll try for love
And youll cry for love
Til you learn to love yourself
And youll lie for love
And youll die for love
Til you learn to love yourself..

The answer is sleeping
Inside your heart
True love that you long for
Thats where it starts”

“Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn til you learn to love yourself
Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn til you learn to love yourself”

12.) grace and gratitude – Olivia Newton John

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VMCrHv81kgg

“Thank you for life
Thank you for everything
I stand here in Grace and Gratitude
And I thank you …

Seasons come and seasons go
No matter what we choose
A thousand names
A thousand roads
All lead to one simple truth

Thank you for life
Thank you for everything
I stand here in grace and gratitude
And I .. I thank you”

Gratitude is crucial for healing and happiness. It doesn’t cure all problems and doesn’t always take away all pain but it does ease some pain, help us cope, and be happier in general. It shall become a way of life, not just a fleeting attitude. There are different degrees of it. You can be thankful for something you know is a blessing or you can feel it deep into the marrow of your bones, tingling in every bodily cell, Dwelling in your essence. With practice and meditation this can become a frequent reality and help us cope tremendously with anything, loneliness, grief, loss, 
depression, physical pain, anything.

It doesn’t matter what you believe or not, you can believe in a god and thank it or just give thanks to the universe, the world, life.

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13.) Life’s a dance- 
JOHN MICHAEL MONTGOMERY

This is a song about just accepting life as it is. Going with the flow, good, bad, painful, beautiful. We learn as we go along. We can’t force life to always be a certain way and always go smoothly so let’s take it as it comes our way. Not just be passive and accept bad things that can be changed.   But accept that life can’t always be controlled.

“Life’s a dance, you learn as you go.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don’t worry ’bout what you don’t know,
life’s a dance, you learn as you go.”

14.) King of wishful thinking – Go West

This song. It’s a breakup song.   A sad one. But it managed to make my inspirational song list! Why?!?! First of all, the tune. It’s uplifting. It’s not sad, dreary, mellow, heartbreakingly devastating. It’s pumped up.  But also the lyrics. As the title of the song shows us, it’s not about positive thinking exactly but wishful thinking. There is a slight difference.   He’s denying his pain over his lost love. I typically do not promote denying our pain. But sometimes, on rare occasions we may just have to fake it til we make it.

“I refuse to give into my blues, that’s not how it’s going to be.”

“I’ll get over you, I know I will. I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking.” 

Yeah, There’s definitely something positive about this! 

15.) If you’re going through hell – Rodney Atkins

This song is very encouraging! It reminds us to keep going no matter how low we feel. Things get bad. So bad that they just can’t get any worse….but then…they DO get worse! Then we learn the truth that we just keep going!

“Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there”

16.) I’m alive – Willie Nelson 

This is a fantastic song about being thankful for simply being alive.

“It’s so damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me, I’d like to thank my lucky stars
That I’m alive and well.

And it’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
You were on, on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive

And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathing in and out’s a blessing, can’t you see?
Today is the first day of the rest of my life”

17.) When the going gets tough – Billy Ocean

“I got something to tell you
I got something to say
I’m gonna put this dream in motion
Never let nothing stand in my way
When the going gets touch
The tough get going

18.) I hope you dance – LeeAnn Womack

This song reminds me to keep going.   It’s about cherishing every single moment we’re blessed to be alive, never taking one breath for granted.

My absolute favorite line is “When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider.”
It’s a sweet song.

“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.”

19.) Something worth leaving behind – LeeAnn Womack 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqTT59h9aLg&list=PLfqg3Gb_txbQjUvGzl9Qcl6rJKsDDUGX-

This is a beautiful song about how we don’t have to be famous or have some impressive skills or talents to impact someone’s life in a positive way and to be remembered. All we have to do is love. It’s simple but profound.  

20.) Choices – George Jones 

This song is about a somewhat controversial topic, the fact that we do have choices in life and much of where we are is because of choices we made. Even the choice to do nothing is still a choice.   We can’t always choose what happens to us or what other people do. But we can choose how to react, to overcome pain and obstacles, to heal, and to move forward.

” I’ve had choices since the day that I was born
There were voices that told me right from wrong
If I had listened, no I wouldn’t be here today
Living and dying with the choices I’ve made

I guess I’m payin’ for the things that I have done
If I could go back, oh, Lord knows I’d run
But I’m still losin’ this game of life I play
Losing and dying with the choices I’ve made”

Here is a great quote along similar lines:

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand you aredealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.” – Jawaharlal Nehru 

21.) The Gambler – Kenny Rogers

This song is of a similar concept. It’s not really about gambling but knowing how to get along in life. It’s about learning how to choose our attitude and what to keep in life and what not to keep. Every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser. This means that every life no matter what can be viewed as good or as bad. It’s all how we look at it. This message inspires me deeply.  

“Now every gambler knows the secret to survivin’
Is knowin’ what to throw away
And knowin’ what to keep
‘Cause every hand’s a winner
And every hand’s a loser”

22.) Every storm runs out of rain – Gary Allan 

This song is so very comforting. It reminds us that pain heals and we can move forward. Pain and heartache comes and goes and may never go away completely but it can heal and doesn’t always have to be overwhelming and raw.

“Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain.”

23.) She’s got a way- Billy Joel

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p0iOEOtSyB0

I love this sweet song!   About a girl with love and beauty that can touch people’s lives and inspire greatness in the people she comes across.  

“…I don’t know what it is
But there doesn’t have to be a reason anyway 

She’s got a smile that heals me
I don’t know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She’s got a way of talkin’
I don’t know why it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin’ anywhere

She comes to me when I’m feelin’ down
Inspires me without a sound 
She touches me and I get turned around 

She’s got a way of showin’
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin’
She’s got a light around her
And ev’rywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her ev’rywhere”

I just melt.

24.) Raindrops keep falling – BJ Thomas

I love this song! It’s about how even when things seem wrong we can still have hope to keep going knowing that eventually happiness will eventually fill our hearts again.

“Those raindrops are fallin’
On my head, they keep fallin’

But there’s one thing I know
The blues they send
To meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till
Happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean
My eyes will soon be turnin’ red

Cryin’s not for me ’cause
I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
Because I’m free, nothin’s worryin’ me”

25.) Eye of the tiger – Survivor 

Some people think this song is too pumped and needs a good toning down. But not me! That vigor is perfect.   I love how pumped it is! It’s perfect with the lyrics and message. A song about doing whatever it takes to survive and keep those dreams alive.

“Risin’ up straight to the top 
Had the guts, got the glory 
Went the distance, now I’m not gonna stop 
Just a man and his will to survive “

I love it!

😀

26.) Livin’ In The Sunlight, Lovin’ In The Moonlight – Tiny T

I don’t worry!
Worrying don’t agree,
Things that bother you,
Never bother me!

Things that bother you,
Never bother me
I feel happy and fine!
AHA!
Living in the sunlight,
Loving in the moonlight
Having a wonderful time!

Haven’t got a lot,
I don’t need a lot
Coffee’s only a dime
Living in the sunlight,
Loving in the moonlight,
Having a wonderful time!

I hope you have found some songs here that inspire you deeply and uplift you like they help me! I have so many more also but as you can see, the list is already long!

Much love & inspiration to you!

Xoxo Kim

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Life Lately & Creative Project

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So every so often I see those “Life Lately” posts on blogs and I love reading them so much. I love people and knowing what’s going on with them even when I don’t know them personally. I decided to incorporate one of those into this post! Yay! Lol ;-D

Lately…

Listening to: my taste in music never changes. Ever.   Same as it ever was. Oldies, country, sappy love songs, inspirational/uplifting . Also I just downloaded many more meditation mp3’s. And some are just creepy and had to be deleted. So yeah. No way.   And I recently created a Playlist on my phone of nothing but uplifting songs to inspire and help me.   One song constantly on my heart is LeeAnn Womack’s “I Hope You Dance.” I can’t get enough of that song or quite explain how deeply it speaks to me.  It’s one of my greatest resources that helps me with my suicidal/low/depressive moods.  And there’s another song I have been listening to by Rodney Atkins “If You’re Going Through Hell.” It’s about holding on no matter how much it hurts and keep on going. He sings about being in darkness and just when we feel as if we can’t get any lower, we sink to a new level of despair and desperation and it seems like everyone is out to get us, things are bad and go to worse seeming as if they can’t get worse. Then they do.

But we just keep going, going, and going and there are people who care and want to help. And eventually things start looking up.

And some Alice Cooper lyrics 

“We talk about this whole stupid world and still come out laughing ha ha
We never make any sense but hell that never mattered
But we’ll make it through our blackest hour we’re living proof” ~ Alice Cooper (“Department of Youth lyrics)

Watching: again.  Something that never changes. I do not watch TV. But I love when my dad watches “King of Queens” at night!   I love that show and even have the theme song on my phone.

Reading : Sarah Ban Breathnach ‘s “Something More” and just loving it.  She has this great “arts & crafts” idea I’m doing and I have some creative ideas swirling around in my head.

I have a blank page notebook and on the cover it reads, “think positive you are master of your own destiny.”. On the blank pages I’m writing positive quotes and song lyrics and gluing pretty pictures, quotes, and words out of magazines.   It will be my creative book of positivity! 😀

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Struggling with: so, lately I am having quite a few struggles. Been struggling with depression, psychosis (having some madd hallucinations and keeping me up at night and they are very vivid. That’s why I’m up so early now.  Currently they are auditory and visual. Sometimes I know I’m hallucinating and sometimes I don’t.   Usually it’s when I’m severely depressed that I don’t know til later. What really sucks is sometimes I feel the urge or need to answer the voices or things when they talk even when I know they aren’t really there…they are as real to me as an actual person..it can be annoying and terrifying.
it probably sounds so freaky to people who are “normal” but I promise I’m not a weirdo. Lol. I’m just a girl with a chemical imbalance.) two nights ago I found a meditation mp3 to increase serotonin in the brain and yesterday I meditated to it. It’s supposed to be sending an unconscious positive message to the brain. I do not know what on god’s green earth it was saying to me but when I came out of the meditation I was sickly and achy.   ???!!??

Whaaattt??!! Huh?! Yeah, serious headache and just a weird all around feeling.   Never again. Delete. Lol. I don’t know what’s going with this thing but I feel injured by it.

There’s a lawsuit right there! Lol jk! Not really!   I’m not money hungry and I know the person who created it has good intentions.  

Also, my phone’s auto correct. It’s just getting to me. It’s like a setting got changed and it’s over correcting.   It’s spelling things wrong and changing the versions of words to the same word but a different version. And my memory card is full and I can’t take new pictures!! Blahhh!! Now I have to save up for a new memory card!   And taking pictures is my life!   Well, a big part of it!  But it’s all good!  My phone really is an excellent phone.  I am blessed.

Loving: this Fall weather!   I love Fall.   And it’s finally beginning to feel like Fall and not Summer.  I love Philadelphia.
Also, I’m loving writing here, helping myself and others. It’s so great to have something positive to focus on.
And the positivity creativity book I have been working on. I have been feeling creative tendencies attempting to break through.   I don’t know why.   But I’m so inspired to write. Poetically.   Draw. Arts & crafts.   Dream even things I know will never materialize. I have this closed minded thing about me where I tend to not dream of things I think can never occur. That’s a big creative block and just dumb so I’m working on that!  Nothing is impossible really (except for things that literally are.) . I have no special creative talents and I occasionally get creative energy bursts and do all “creative” stuff I’m terrible at then I quit. But it’s good and fun to draw, write, paint, play… whether or not we’re good at it.  So I’m going to make it part of my everyday routine to get my creative juices flowing. 

I even have a creative meditation mp3 designed to help us tap into our creative side and enhance creativity.

It’s at meditationoasis.com

http://www.meditationoasis.com/

Here: http://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast/listen-to-podcast/
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They have some for free and some to buy. This one is currently available at no cost.

I would like to encourage anyone interested to get a notebook like I have and make it a fun positive creative notebook.  Write things like quotes, song lyrics, and words which inspire you. Draw & glue pictures.   All you need is markers, crayons, or colored pencils, magazines, scissors, glue, pens, a notebook, any arts and crafts stuff and your brain!   It’s fun to do and you can look at it later to inspire yourself!

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This beautiful quote is out of LeeAnn Womack’s wonderful song “I Hope You Dance.”. This song and this line have always helped me so much and always will. When I feel like giving up as if I’m about to succumb to depression/suicidal thoughts & urges, this often helps pull me back or keep me grounded.

“When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider.” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Thanks!

Xoxo Kim

It doesn’t take a talent to be mean <3

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There’s a song I used to listen to over & over when I was a little girl. I can’t remember exactly how old I was but I was very young, not even a teenager yet.

My dad introduced me to the song and I was instantly hooked. I never paid much attention to the words or to the message the singer conveys through her song.
I just loved her sweet, soft, & gentle voice and the music. The song is,
“I’m Sensitive” by Jewel.   I remember asking my dad what “sensitive” means and he said it means the girl is easily hurt, saddened, or impacted by other people ‘s actions and words.

And I remember asking him if this girl is really sensitive or if she just likes to sing that she is. I remember him saying “No, she’s really a sensitive girl.”

 I remember thinking, “I want to meet this girl.”

I think one of the most poignant lines in her song is:

 “It doesn’t take a talent to be mean.”.

This couldn’t be more true.   Destructive criticism, cruelty, intentional insults, slander, toxic gossip about others, verbal thrashings,  is no special skill or trait and nothing to be proud of yourself for engaging in.

“I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things you say
It doesn’t take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way.”

Your words, even untrue ones which were only said out of anger or jealousy or to make yourself feel better about your own life or self, can have long lasting, devastating effects on the people you inflict them upon.

“You always tell me that it’s impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why’s it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I’m hated?
So please be careful with me, I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way.”

Things don’t always have to be so complicated. Love. It’s simple. Your words impact people. For better or for worse. 
So why not speak lovingly of yourself and others about yourself and other people?
Let your words heal, not hurt. Bring people up, not down.

Do you have the right to be cruel? To sling ugly words at and about people? Absolutely!  At least in U.S. Culture, you are legally protected by our Constitution and so in many cases you do have the legal right to say unkind things .   And I don’t argue against that. You have that legal right. And I support your right. And my right.
But just because we can do something doesn’t mean we always should or that we have to. The fact that we can say just about whatever we want and not get in legal trouble is a gift that we tend to take too much advantage of by taking it to the extreme and spewing toxic things out about people.  Just because I argue against your words or your intentions doesn’t in any way mean I’m arguing against your right so say what you will. (the argument that people who speak cruelly of others often tend to turn to is something like “I have the right to say what I want…” but I am merely objecting to your cruelty itself, not you legal right to be cruel; you can, if you insist, continue to be very cruel)
You have the potential and often the legal right to knock people down with your words. But you always have the potential and the legal right to bring people up with your words, your warmth, your smile.
And you can choose whichever you want.

What will you choose today?

“I was thinking that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we’ll give it to anybody who has some faith
So please be careful with me, I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way.”

This line is brilliant. What you believe or look for is often what you will find. When you’re in a negative state of mind looking for the bad, you will see it everywhere.   When you’re in a positive state of mind looking for the good, you will see it glittering all around and within you.

“I have this theory that if we’re told we’re bad
Then that’s the only idea we’ll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see”

Just like the previous lyrics, we will find what we are searching for. And if we’re surrounded by negatively critical words and allow them to affect us too much, we can start to believe them or just be lowered by them and our views are clouded. But if we are surrounded by beauty, we will become beauty. And our views will be positive and we will see with clarity. There’s is always, always, always something beautiful. To be seen. Or heard. Or felt. Or known. Always. Look for it. It’s there. Let that be what you are and become, not the ugliness.  

“‘Cause anyone can start a conflict
It’s harder yet to disregard it”

Yes, anyone can cause problems for others, and drag people down and do things to watch people suffer. 
Do you really want to do that? It says more about you than those you slander and gossip about. Even if your accusations and claims are true. Necessary constructive criticism is one thing, cruelty is another.
A person criticizing others just for the thrill of it may feel big & bad but that person is really very small.

“I’d rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me ’cause I’d like to stay that way”

Beautiful ending to a beautiful song. We can train our brains to see the world however we wish to see it. I love how she is a sensitive girl which means she can be easily hurt but she wants to stay herself. Don’t change your beautiful self just for the ugliness of others.  It’s good to be affected by people and things.   It’s good to feel. To live. To have heartbreak and healing. To be broken then whole. To let people in. To give people and things the chance. A chance to know us, love us, hurt us, and heal us.  It’s better than putting up walls and locking people out, we can be hurt, crushed, devastated but it let’s us have deeper, more purposeful relations with people, ourselves and the world than when we live in fear of being crushed. If we lock people out and numb ourselves to our surroundings, it’s true that we may protect ourselves against the pain of rejection, abandonment, and someone we love or anyone seriously causing us pain but we also deny ourselves the depth of true relationships, the sense of closeness, the positivity of people uplifting us, and deep satisfaction of letting the world in. If you make it so you cannot potentially feel deep pain, you also make it so you cannot feel true, profound joy. Is it really worth it?
As the saying often goes, “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved.”. How cliche, right? But for good reason!

I can’t remember when or why I stopped listening to this song. Maybe my cd broke or I lost it. Have you ever just been reminded of a song that was once a significant part of you so long ago? One you listened to over & over and loved deeply?   And now you can’t remember or understand why or when you stopped listening to it? It seems to have eventually just slipped out of your grasp and got away .   That’s like this song and me. I never got tired of this song but haven’t heard it or even thought of it in decades. Then I received an e-mail by Johnathan Lockwood Huie. 

http://www.jonathanlockwoodhuie.com/

One of the ones he sends every morning with his beautiful inspiration. 
He sent a list of quotes and one is Jewel ‘s quote in one of her other lovely songs:

“I’m having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and, someone’s got to pay.”
– Jewel

Lol 
When I read this quote I automatically remembered Jewel’s other song, “I’m Sensitive” and I thought “Whatever happened to that song?! Where did it go?! Where did I leave that song?!, packed away somewhere deep in the abandoned crevices of my brain I no longer tend to.” I vaguely remembered the tune, the lyrics, her gorgeous, soft, caressing, comforting voice and I wondered if I would still love it as much. Hoping I would. I found it, downloaded it at one something in the morning after I opened Mr. Lockwood Huie’s e-mail, yesterday morning. I always receive those e-mails at that hour every single morning and it couldn’t be more perfect. 
I was half sleeping so decided to wait til later that morning to listen to the song so I can really take it in and get the best of it.   Fully, deeply, truly.  When I finally listened again to that song that I haven’t heard since I was about eight years old, maybe younger, I did not only love it as much as I did then. I love it more. 

It’s beautiful. And now has much more meaning in my heart than it did all those years ago. I’m old enough now to truly understand it. I have my own experiences now to relate with much depth. It’s not just about aesthetics any longer.

And I hope you always remember, dragging other people down doesn’t bring you up. You may *feel* temporarily uplifted but it doesn’t make you any better. Destructively pointing out other people ‘s ugliness doesn’t make you pretty. Unnecessarily magnifying their flaws will never perfect you. It says nothing about them and all kinds of things about you. 
Whenever we feel the need to hurt others emotionally merely because we just feel like it we should stop instead and examine our own lives. Instead of trying to destroy others, we should work on ourselves.
I, myself, am not completely innocent of speaking unnecessary, unkind words about others but I know I am above that and I can choose kindness or at least not choose cruelty.

~Kindness is a gift we can all afford to give.~

Will you be the one bringing light to that person in the darkness?

Xox0 Kim

P.s. I would include a link to the YouTube video of the song but I’m using my phone and can only seem to be able to get the mobile version of YouTube. I don’t know if that can work for anyone not using my phone.
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How to cope with betrayal

Having someone who you thought was your friend or someone who you never imagined would backstab you, do that very thing,  really sucks!

There are so many negative or unpleasant emotions that accompany a betrayal. Anger, pain, sadness, depression, feelings of a shattered sense of trust, anxiety, devastation, sense of loss…

Recently I have experienced this very thing. A person I never thought would do something to cause me pain or trouble did in fact do that.

For a few days I was confused and shocked and my emotions turned to pure anger. I confronted this person in a calm and civilized manner. I am a very quiet and shy girl who is not in any way aggressive generally and often I’m not assertive when I should be.

But what I have been experiencing for the last few days motivated me to assert myself.

I got nowhere really with this person but at least I got some consolation in my own head. I spoke up. I was very calm, civilized, and firm. 

But this incident did take a toll on me. I have been very angry and sad.

I am very strong, emotionally. I haven’t always been. Just a few years ago if I would have experienced this, I would have likely collapsed into despair and depression.

But after a few years of doing work on myself to strengthen myself and overcome serious depression, I am able to cope well no matter how painful this experience is for me.

Instead of sinking into despair I chose to handle this situation positively and come up with ways to help me cope with this adversity.

I chose NOT to seek revenge on this person in anyway. I am not a vengeful bitch. But I am and will remain cautious of this person.

Here are a few things I found helpful and hope they will help others who may need some healing and consolation.

1.) Let yourself grieve, feel shattered, express your emotions in a healthy, effective manner. Admit your pain. Don’t deny you are hurt. You may find an outlet in music, writing, drawing, meditating, sleeping, talking to a therapist, family member, or good friend, snuggling with a pet. Even if you tell no other person, admit your pain to yourself. Repression is not good.

2.) Remember this betrayal says nothing about your character or morals or worth.   Another person hurt you, it’s not your fault. People hurt other people, even undeserving ones and those closest to them.   The ones they should be loyal to. You probably feel very low. You may have thoughts that if you were somehow “better” in some way, this wouldn’t have happened. But you cannot control others. You can only work on and learn to control yourself. Someone else’s actions in no way define you.

3.) don’t dwell on the fact. It’s not good to obsess over this incident to the point it wears you out. Think about it in healthy ways and come up with ways to cope and move forward.

4.) know that it’s justified to feel angry or whatever you feel. Express your anger healthily. It’s probably best not to yell at, insult, or threaten the person. Handle this safely in your own way.

5.). Figure out if it’s worth it to you to keep this person in your life and do what you have to without guilt. Forgiving and forgetting and continuing this relationship is not a sign of weakness. This person may be important to you and maybe just made an individual mistake. It’s ok to accept an apology and move on. But it’s also ok if you feel the need to let go. Take care of yourself.   If this person is taking too much of a toll on you may be you may want to consider cutting the person out if your life completely, partially, or temporarily distancing yourself emotionally or physically. Whatever you feel is best for you.

6.). Just because this person has supporters who may be against you doesn’t mean she/he is right or that you are wrong. There is always going to be someone against you for whatever reason whether it’s justified or not. Don’t let the negativity or destructive criticism of others drag or keep you down. take care of yourself.

7.) focus on yourself. Make a plan for yourself. Focus on your goals and your own personal development.   Find strength in this chaotic situation. Better yourself.

8.) don’t stop trusting! There are still good people out there.   Friends and potential friends who will never betray or intentionally or carelessly hurt you. Don’t let this person’s/people negative behavior taint or destroy your general trust.

9.) Let the pain make you better not bitter!

🙂

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May you find hope, comfort, joy, laughter, happiness, and healing.   You can be strong. This heartbreak CAN heal!

Xo Kim

“Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll get your second wind

It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright, though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)” Billy Joel

image

This is a pic my sister took of me yesterday. I can’t remember why I was doing what I’m doing in this picture but it makes me laugh a lot!   My sister said it looks like I’m saying “Come at me, come at me!” as if to tempt someone to tread on me so I can pounce on that person! Lol. And I think that’s a perfect attitude to have about negative situations(not people though!!) ! Throw it all on me and i’ll come back even stronger! So yeah! Lol

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Love & blessings to you!