Tag Archive | courage

More good news!!!❤

(Photo not mine)

Hero – Mariah Carey
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Yes, I love being the bearer of happy news!! 😁

A lady who I know, named Susan, told me last week about a rowing competition she was going to be in over the weekend. She’s very good at it and it’s one of her passions. She asked me to say a little prayer for her. I don’t pray but I did try to send some positive energy her way. Not that I believe that would help her win but it can’t hurt! And, like prayer, it can help let people know we wish them well.

I hoped she would win just as much as if I was in the competition myself and wanted to win! And I just found out today that she won FIRST PLACE!! I’m so, so happy!

She showed me her medal and it’s beautiful! Some parts of it are pink! 💗

When I was thinking about preparing this blog post just to share my good news, I thought it would be sweet to share an inspirational quote along with it and this one popped into my head.

The only disability in life is a bad attitude.

Susan has a dog who is physically disabled, permanently. He developed spinal stenosis a couple years ago and his vet suggested Susan and her mom (who she lives with) have him euthanized but they knew that wasn’t the answer. They love him like their kid/grandkid and saw potential in him. (He is not suffering in any way or in pain; he just cannot walk on his own or stand up)

So as part of my job, I visit them and help a physical therapist help Bandit walk again. He needs a cart/doggy wheelchair but he can move his legs again and even run sometimes! He just cannot hold himself up without his cart on wheels.

He is a very happy and spoiled and healthy ten year old boy! He loves treats, kisses, and toys! And bubbles! He can now move his legs more and pull himself up but not stand. Also, he recently began to “run” in his sleep! His little legs move back and forth. So cute! Actually, he’s a big mountain dog so his legs aren’t little!

Bandit gives me bunches of wet, sloppy kisses while we’re putting him in his wheelchair! Sometimes, he kisses me so much, it’s hard to get the job done!😍😁 Mary & Susan say I’m his favorite girl!

After thinking of this quote and thinking it’s a great quote for this post since Bandit has a disability, I remembered Susan also has a physical disability. She was born permanently paralyzed at the waist down. She is also very happy and healthy. I never thought of her own disability while planning this post and even after thinking about this quote. When I think of Susan, I think only of her positive disposition, her kindness for others, and her bright smile, and love for her dog.

Susan and her mom are both very loving, positive people. They’re universal lovers, like me. They welcome anyone into their house for holidays or events so no one has to be alone(If I lived alone, I would do this too!).

Susan’s mom, Mary, is 86 years old and very healthy! She has arthritis and osteoporosis but she gets around very well and her doctor told her she’ll live to be over 100 years old with the great health she’s in!

Susan, Mary, and Bandit all have physical limitations but they don’t let that stop them ever. Very inspiring!

We may have a physical disability, learning disability, or psychological disability like depression or anxiety but the true disability is a bad attitude.

A bad attitude will disable us much more than a medical disability ever can. There are people with no arms and legs, deaf/blind people, ones with chronic illness and pain, people with depression/anxiety, very old people, those who are grieving…who have achieved remarkable things while in their state. There are dogs and cats with only three legs or less and ones with legs that don’t work and are still happy.

Susan, & Bandit, & Mary are examples.

A medical disability doesn’t disable us. Disabled people are very able! It’s our attitude that holds us back when it’s not good.

And we have control over our attitude. Even if we can’t change it this very moment, we can work on it in small ways to make it better and better if it’s currently negative. Make gratitude lists, meditate, positive affirmations, looking at the bright side, focus on the beauty all around….all ways to be more positive. Even mental health issues and attitude can be separated. We can have depression or anxiety but still have a positive attitude about it.

So let’s remember to turn that frown upside down and be positive! We aren’t disabled unless we choose to be.

The main point of my post was originally to share Susan’s good news but there’s so much inspiration in her story so I’m also sharing the life lessons!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❤❤❤

Xoxo Kim

Advertisements

Courage ❤

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you’ll be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey.”

I was watching the Princess Diaries movie and found this gem!

If there is something that truly resonates with us and we avoid it out of fear then we are placing more importance upon the fear than whatever it is that is calling to us.

If there is something you have been longing to do but fear is holding you back and you need a little push, here it is! 😁❤

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Valerie❤

(Valerie 💛)

So cool, she was like
Jazz on a summer’s day
Music, high and sweet
Then she just blew away
Now she can’t be that warm
With the wind in her arms
Valerie, call on me
Call on me, Valerie

Valerie – Steve Winwood

Recently, one of my social media friends, Valerie, died by suicide. Isn’t this so absolutely terrible?!?! She was born in August 1965 & died in August 2018. I did not know her in person or talk to her much on social media or know her well but can see she was a sweet person with a pure heart. The news about her death is like being stabbed in the gut, especially because it seems so senseless like it did not have to happen. Valerie was like me, very open & accepting and added/accepted everyone as social media friends. Her life philosophy, loving & including everyone, resonates with me deeply. I can even call her one of my soul sisters as our energy/vibration has been on the same wavelength.

Valerie loved coffee, music, people, and animals.

I always wished I had her name because I love the song by Steve Winwood! Recently, before she died, I was in Rite Aid and got a bottle of soda and chose the one with her name and thought of her.

She posted a lot of sweet, beautiful, and inspiring messages and also a bunch of (very liberal) political rants. I do not agree with all that she shared or the way she shared some of it (sometimes sarcastic) but a lot of her posts resonate with me. The reason I am sharing here that I did not always agree with her is as a reminder that we can disagree with someone but still love that person and still be friends. This was also her philosophy of life so I want to share it to honor her.

(She shared this)

Love songs fill the night
But they don’t tell it all
Not how lovers cry out
Just like they’re dying
Her cries hang there, in time,
Somewhere, someday,
Some good wind
May blow her back to me
Some night I may hear
Her like she used to be
No it can’t be that warm
With the wind in her arms
Valerie, call on me
Call on me, Valerie

Here are just a few posts on Valerie’s facebook account, most of it shared by her and a couple she is tagged in by others and liked:

(This makes me laugh hysterically 😂🤣)

(That’s Valerie’s writing under the pic)

(I wish Valerie would have remembered this when she made that ultimate choice out of fear & pain 💔)

(I dont care if people dont repost this. I dont repost these things that demand us to to repost or try to make us seem cold and non-caring. Im only posting this here to show Valerie’s kind heart.)

This is a small thing I am doing to keep Valerie’s lovelight going after her death.

She was a strong person but also tender and sensitive in a way. She wanted to be loved, noticed, called beautiful…

She was open about her depression and struggle and some of these posts show what it was like for her. She was clearly a strong person who kept winning these battles in her war of depression but one moment she chose to give into that despair and now her war is over but so is everything else about her. All of her interests, memories, activities each day, her voice, her smile, any new acts of kindness she would have performed, any chance of healing, all of her ways and everything that made her her…..all gone forever.

I know it felt like it then but it wasn’t worth it to end it all just to end that horrible pain. The world needs MORE like Valerie and now she just made it so there’s one less.

So I’m doing my part to continue her light & lavish her love onto others.

Sweet Valerie.

We can see by all these messages she believed in that she was very wise but she still made the choice to take her own life. This is because all it takes is a split second to forget all that wisdom and beauty and give into the darkness. But deep within, she still held that wisdom. We all do. Please let’s remember to hold onto what we know even when it feels impossible to hold on. I have no question of “why” like many people do. I know why. I completely understand why a person would take her own life. It makes complete sense to me but it’s not a good thing to do. She killed everything she was all just to end her pain.

Like I said, Valerie and me weren’t close. I hardly knew her. I hope all the love/healing thoughts will be for her close family & friends first. My love goes out to them and also to everyone else affected by this tragic loss, including her social media friends. What heartbreak.

She struggled hard but all she wanted was others to be happy and to take away their pain. 💔❤

I’m so thankful for the opportunity to share her love here. I hope it will inspire others like she wanted. Valerie was a beautiful soul inside & out.

If I could have taken away her pain, even if I had to bear it myself, I would have.❤💗

To anyone struggling like Valerie was or anyone grieving, I love you!! Please keep going. ❤ ~Hugs~

Much love,

Xoxo Kim

Today

(A pretty picture I took today – April 14th, 2018 but when I publish it, it will probably say April 15th because it’s nearly 10:00pm now)

“By effort and heedfulness, discipline, and self-mastery, let the wise one make for oneself an island which no flood can overwhelm.”

Today, I got onto an elevator for work. I could have taken the stairs but chose the elevator. I was on the 4th floor of the apartment building. Going back down, I felt that the doors were taking longer than they’re supposed to to open and guess what?! I felt not one ounce of fear!! Not one little flash of fear, anxiety, panic, nothing!! And did not even feel a sense of panic coming on or anticipate it like I often do. This is incredible progress! This has to be my greatest accomplishment in this life, ever!

In case anyone reading this is confused or it seems like no big deal, here is some background info. about my experience with phobic fear:

F.E.A.R

It actually freaking happened

Welcome to rock bottom-the only way now is up

Serendipitous Strength

Phobia.

It’s a big, big thing! I suffered another terrible relapse recently and now I healed it again and can get on elevators myself with no fear! I have been working hard to heal this phobia. It doesn’t always take long to heal a relapse. Phobias are weak, even though they feel extremely powerful, and they lose their power very easily when properly faced again & again.

“Unlike many other mental health problems, phobias can be brought under manageable control or even totally destroyed, sometimes within hours. This is a far cry from some of the medium- to long-term work which is required for other mental health issues. So the good news is that phobias are relatively easy to deal with, providing you have the correct knowledge, support and treatment plan, along with a determined and proactive attitude. In life there are many REAL problems, which we all have to contend with, so my view is that we should conserve our energy to tackle those by ridding ourselves of the UNREAL threats, which are the hallmarks of a phobia.” ~Patricia Furness-Smith

The way I am recovering mostly, is exposure in combination with Buddhist philosophy (that can apply to anyone at all, not just Buddhist people – see Dhamma quote above). Even without the meditation part (which is also great!), I find Buddhist philosophy so very helpful in healing my fear (and in general!).

The reason that this is such a big accomplishment is not the amount of work it takes or the duration of treatment but the amount of courage & strength it takes to face it. It is hard!!

I am working on not just recovering but building my mindset in a way to see elevators as a safe place, a place of comfort, a space where I experience a feeling of being embraced in warmth & safety, security (i know security is an illusion but dont mind feeling secure in a place I once felt seemingly unbearable terror and panic). I don’t just want to tolerate them and don’t want them to just be a mundane thing or task I have to perform. I aspire to come to seeing them as an opportunity for a few moments of simple joy or pleasure.

I may not be recovered just yet or my recovery may be shaky and at risk for relapse again. It’s new and not quite ingrained yet. But it will be and then evolve into something more. I feel that Im already inclined to view elevators as a warm, cozy, safe place. Why not? They are safe for the most part. In there, alone, I am protected against the dangers of the world. I can feel that to some degree but not in great depth yet. Im working on it!

This is my goal!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Much love & light, always,

Xoxo Kim

Phobia.

Roll With It – Steve Winwood

“When life is too much, roll with it, baby
Don’t stop and lose your touch, oh no, baby
Hard times knocking on your door
I’ll tell them you ain’t there no more
Get on through it, roll with it, baby
Luck’ll come and then slip away
You’ve gotta move, bring it back to stay
You just roll with it, baby
Come on and just roll with it, baby
You and me, roll with it, baby”

Recently, I chose to do something incredibly brave, to aid in my recovery. Every part of my body was telling me to run. There were all kinds of physical sensations all over my body, unpleasant ones, including light-headedness, fear, dry mouth, trembling sensations in my hands & legs, heart pounding…but some intuition deep inside was telling me to stay. The physical urge to run was much more easy to listen to and I was tempted. But I made up my mind. The intuition deep within is the wise voice, softer, gentler, just a whisper to “stay” next to that loud screaming “RUN” but definitely wiser. And I wont let the voice of fear drown the voice of wisdom.

So I chose to STAY.

I was standing before an elevator, alone, on the 2nd floor of a building. Right next to the elevator is a door to the stairs. I could have easily walked through the doorway to the stairs and walked down in less than a minute, which is what my intense fear was urging me to do.

But I chose to listen to that quiet but strong intuition telling me to empower myself, not my fear. For me to continuously avoid my fear (of small, closed in places, especially alone in elevators), at all costs, is to feed that fear. To give it power.

For me to face my fear, no matter how immense, no matter how suffocating, traumatic, terrible it is, is to loosen its grip on me, release me of its bondage and empower myself.

This is a fear so incredibly powerful, it knocks the wind out of me and weakens my body. I become lightheaded & disoriented and feel as if I may actually die. I have to face it & embrace it to conquer it. A cruel, twisted kind of irony to have to subject myself to the very thing that scares me most, but it is what it is.

I would have taken the stairs in this building anyway as it was only the 2nd floor but I saw this as an opportunity to evolve and I took it.

So I bravely stepped into that elevator and pushed the “1” button with my near trembling finger and watched in dismay as the doors closed on me, completely expunging my sense of control and actual control. The second the doors close, I am no longer in a position to choose. I cannot choose to run, to change my mind and take the stairs as I cant open an elevator on my own.

As the doors close, I instantly wonder if I have made a bad mistake. Maybe I should have run, taking the safe route, the easy way, the stairs. Sometimes, in buildings, we don’t have access to the stairs and I have no choice. But on this occasion, I had a choice and chose to lock myself in a big, mechanical box, alone.

But instead of completely breaking down, I stood strong and focused on my breath, each inhalation & exhalation and I became one with that breath. I felt the fear every few seconds, trying to get the best of me, that impending sense of panic threatening to overtake me, and acknowledged that fear then let it go. I felt it dissipate with each in breath & out breath. And before I knew it, there were the elevator doors wide open, inviting me to walk out into the rest of my day. Simple as that.

See, it’s really not so bad, is it?

But what if….

What if…the doors wouldn’t have opened?

What if…i would have been stuck in there all by myself?!

What if…the elevator malfunctioned and no one knew until way later or ever???

What if…one occasion it just doesn’t open and im stuck in there alone forever?!?!?!

What if….those incessant what ifs…relentless & plaguing…

After the doors close and sometimes even when Im not on an elevator but recently got out of one or will soon have to get inside one or sometimes just thinking about it, these are the thoughts that ensue. These what if’s…

But “what if…” doesn’t matter. What IS, is what does matter. And whatever is just is and that is that. I will breathe and focus and roll with it and endure until it’s over. And it will be over eventually, whatever “it” is.

After stepping off of the elevator, I planned to go right to another elevator and step inside, just to face my fear again.

And while it’s very helpful and wise and necessary to face our phobic fear again and again and again, there is such a thing as “too much, too soon” and “overdoing.” I know the value of breaks and rest and moderation and balance. Preserving energy and choosing wisely is a good thing. Generally, we have to keep facing this fear and not running. But a break when needed is also necessary. I felt that running directly to another elevator would have been more draining and detrimental than good. This may not always be the case but this moment, it was. Deep inside, I knew a rest is what I needed then, not more trauma.

Remember to keep going but also remember to rest when needed. Running, falling, once in a while is ok. Just keep getting back up!

Im not recovered. Not even halfway to recovery. And I may still have relapses and probably will before & even after full recovery. Who knows? But I discovered a place in me with a strong foundation that isn’t easy to be demolished and can be rebuilt even if it is.

Im not sorry to have encountered this struggle. I dont wish it never happened to me and dont necessarily wish it would just go away. Of course, I want this fear to heal and thats why im doing all this work. But i dont mind it. It’s a gift to have this opportunity to get better and have deeper empathy for others in similar situations. I see so much beauty in it.

Just last month, I think, my fear was so frequent, so intense, so debilitating, I became depressed and suicidal. I could hardly hold a toothbrush. I wanted to die just knowing that it’s possible to be trapped in an elevator alone. Just knowing it’s possible. Not even because it may happen. Just because it’s possible. My depression became an entity of its own and was not even just about the fear anymore.

Now here I am. Strong and still standing.

I want to share it because i believe we all have that strength to endure any battle and be even better for it. We all have the strength to see beauty in any struggle and to reach out to others in any way we can, to inspire and uplift, or just listen and understand.

The way to recover is to seize opportunities to practice no matter how difficult it is. It is very, very difficult but worth the struggle, the trauma, the pain, the terror.

Im not posting this to brag. Lol Im posting this because one night I was laying in my bed desperately longing to meet someone. A strong woman with some sort of severe phobia, preferably one similar to my own but any would do. I pined for a woman who faces her worst fear and lives to tell about it. A woman who conquered or conquers that fear. One who chose to rise above and lift others along the way.

I laid in my bed and fantasized and hoped so much to meet this strong, confident woman, either in person, in a book, or online and dreamed of being cloaked in her strength, enveloped in her compassion, lifted by her motivation, and empowered by her story. Inspired by her light.

I wanted to find blogs, books, stories… that chronicle her experiences.

I wanted to find this woman somewhere, anywhere, but couldn’t find her.

Then it hit me….

I can be this woman.

I am this woman.

I’m her.

So here I am, sharing my great fear and hoping to inspire, lift, help empower, and console someone who is struggling.

If you are someone who is struggling with a phobia/anxiety of any sort, maybe a social phobia/anxiety, or fear involving being on an airplane when you have to get on one(I have to get on elevators for work and feel your pain!), insects, or maybe a less common fear like fear of swallowing or fear of dolls, maybe a fear of dogs or noises… or any difficult situation, I embrace you in my love & am cheering you on. We all have different triggers but it’s that terrible, breathtaking panic & fear, outright terror, that we can all relate to.

Keep going. You got this!

Xoxo Kim❤

Welcome to rock bottom -the only way now is UP

“Face to face, out in the heat

Hanging tough, staying hungry

They stack the odds still we take to the street

For the kill with the skill to survive”🐯

Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

Here is a post I wrote a couple days ago and just edited it a bit.

“Welcome to Rock Bottom

One day, after another routinely dreadful morning, I sat in my car looking at our office and thinking, ‘I DO NOT want to go in there. I hate my job. I can’t stand Frank. I don’t make enough money. I am so underutilized! Should I leave the company? Would I even be missed? What’s the point of all this anyway? Is this really my life? This can’t be my life.’ And there it was. I had finally reached it—I was at rock bottom. As I mentioned, I believe rock bottom is the moment when you finally find the power and the strength you’ve always been lacking to change your today and go on to create a better tomorrow. I knew I couldn’t get any lower, and at that moment, I realized that all of the training, coaching, reading, and inspiring I’d engaged in just a few years earlier had not disappeared completely. I started to sense something deep within. There was still a tiny spark of hope that things could get better. That internal spark was like a smothered flame that just needed a little air, and as soon as I realized the spark was there, it was as if someone poured kerosene on it. I started to think: ‘If my circumstances won’t change, maybe I can change the way I look at my circumstances, and maybe as a result, they actually WILL change.'”

These are wise words by Kevin Clayson, author of Flip the Gratitude Switch. I have experienced “rock bottom” before, just like he mentions here, where it’s like I just can’t get any lower, so desperate, plummeting to the lowest depths of my despair, until I can’t possibly sink any lower. Pulled deeper and deeper and deeper into some dark, seemingly endless abyss when finally I realize there is an end. And I have reached it.

What do we do when our world is crumbling on top of us, when everything shatters, when it’s hard to stand, so difficult just to live & breathe, and we are pulled so low we can’t go any lower?

We rise.

Usually when I have experienced this “rock bottom,” it’s with depression and sometimes when my chronic physical pain disorder is flaring up to what seems like unbearable levels and my body is wracked in physical agony beyond belief. The only way I can get lower when I’m like this, is to be put in the ground. I haven’t experienced these things in a long while. My physical pain disorder has been doing so well. I have been experiencing mild to no pain each & every day. Thanking my lucky stars! And I can’t even remember when I was last depressed! I’m so happy!

But it’s true, this morning I realized I have hit “rock bottom.” A different kind of rock bottom. Not depression of any kind or physical pain. But still I have found my self in a very low place in this life. Two months ago, I think it was, October, I wasn’t depressed or in physical pain but was in Hell everyday for a couple weeks. It ended for a while and now is back!🙊😱

This Hell I speak of is fear. Terror. Not just a bit of anxiety. Fullblown fear. It’s not fear in general but about a specific thing. As I mentioned here, in a post titled Serendipitous Strength, I used to be deathly afraid of being closed in small places that I can’t just get out of the second I want to, especially elevators and especially when I’m alone. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Why is a mystery. As a child, I had breakdowns going on elevators even with my mom & dad.

I healed myself. It is an incredible accomplishment and awe-inspiring. The fact that I had a relapse doesn’t matter. It doesnt change how incredible it is. I healed this fear once and can and will heal it again.

I never worked on this fear specifically but during my personal development journey, my quest to find healing, working on myself to help heal my depression and cope with tmjd “cluster headaches” without realizing it, I was conquering my fear of being closed in. With my personal development plan I teach myself and train my brain to know I can handle and conquer anything. To know I will always be free no matter what position I’m in in this life. To know life is a gift no matter what. To see positivity and opportunity in any situation no matter how dreadful. I trained my brain with meditation and quotes and music and songs and writing to stay calm and composed for the most part, in any situation no matter what, no matter how painful physically or emotionally. (Out of my post Serendipitous Strength)

The #1 one thing that helps me with my fear is my Buddhist studies, not even just meditation but the writings I read even when I don’t put them into practice as intended. Just the reads are so powerful. All of these other things, quotes, songs, basic mindfulness…, helped me to a great extent, with depression & chronic pain and when I found Kadampa Buddhism, I found deeper healing and healing for this fear.

Somewhat recently, I suffered a relapse and my old fear returned to me with a vengeance. The second the elevator doors close and I’m on there alone, my first thought is “I’m screwed” and a sense of panic arises.

For work, I sometimes have to get on elevators. For about ten months I had to seven days a week, mostly by myself. Thankfully my fear was healed. But in a fraction of a second, while on an elevator, by myself, I suffered a relapse. I made the mistake of watching the numbers go up and waiting for the doors to open and you know when we watch & wait, a second feels like forever. I felt the doors took a second longer than usual to open and that’s all it took to bring that breath-taking fear crashing back into me. Flooded with terror, when the door finally opened, I stumbled into the hallway, trembling inside & out, legs like jelly, dizzy, panicked.

And my fear has been with me since then. I no longer have to be on an elevator every single day anymore and that may be part of the problem. I’m no longer accustomed to it and no longer have that chance to practice being calm on an elevator everyday. Now with those two things, the relapse & being out of touch with elevators, I nearly fall to pieces when I have to get on one by myself. I’m not scared anymore if I’m on an elevator with a dog or a human.

What if the elevator malfunctions while I’m on there myself and I’m trapped inside a box for who knows how long? My worst nightmare. I know I can handle it. My conviction is strong. But I don’t always feel that I can handle it. My conviction never falters. I know anyone can handle anything if we train our brain and adjust our attitude. But sometimes I focus too much on the feeling of not being able to handle it. And i fear if i get trapped, I will become a blubbering wreck and never recover. Two or more weeks away and when I think of it, my head is in turmoil.

(Photo not mine)

I am not someone who curses a lot out loud, in writing, or in my head. It’s not that I think it’s wrong. I love when people curse a lot. Lol It’s just not me. But early, this morning I was walking up a street thinking about how in a few weeks I will be required to get onto an elevator(the doors for staircases in some buildings open to get outside but are locked on the outside to get upstairs so elevators are generally required), most likely alone, and everyday for at least a week, and how I’m going to be living & breathing fear, I’m going to be a total wreck in my head, just like two months ago, and I just thought Fuck this shit. Seriously, fuck it. I am done. Not done with life or with work. I am done being conquered by this fear. So done. And I realized I have hit rock bottom two months ago and am still here now. And I remembered Mr. Clayson’s story about how rock bottom is our opportunity to rise above. I will rise above this fear. I will conquer it.

How? I’m not quite sure but I know I will. I will discipline my brain. And I have a few things in mind. More intensive Dharma practice & gratitude practice, The Work, rhythmic breathing, desensitization…

There is no place for this fear. I don’t want it and I won’t have it. I don’t have to accept it because it can be changed. Two months ago I found it difficult to focus on anything other than this fear. I spilled coffee all over because my hands were trembling, My legs were shaky and I was lightheaded. After getting off an elevator, it took me so long to recover, those mornings & nights. Outside I probably looked a bit shaken up but inside, I was wrecked. (I did face my fear and kept getting on elevators though, {BY MYSELF, ALONE!!!, ME!!! On an elevator ALONE!!! Whhhaaattt?! Holy guacamole!} which is a display of great strength & courage. I did what I had to do while not repressing my fear) I felt that I couldn’t even stand up straight each day.

This is unacceptable and I will change it. Whatever it takes. I will not avoid elevators and will not put up with this terror. And there’s no place for it in my world. It’s not welcome here and I do not have to accept it.

I healed my fear mostly with Buddhist philosophy. And I will again. This is the main thing that brought me so much deep healing and I know without a doubt, it will again. I just have to concentrate.

Recently, I received a Dorje Shugden Empowerment and I am totally counting on it (& my previous Empowerments) helping me cope with & heal this fear.

Om vajra wiki witrana söha.

OM AH RA PA TSA NA DHI

Just like Mr. Clayson shares in the excerpt above, it can feel like all our previous strength, wisdom, personal development is down the drain, but it’s not. Somewhere deep inside, there is strength, wisdom, courage even if it seems to be long gone or seems like we never had any to begin with.

What I am promoting here is not necessarily any specific techniques like gratitude, meditation, conscious breathing or philosophy like Buddhist philosophy, though I do generally promote those. Here, I am just suggesting that we rise above our fear, pain, struggles…and keep going. Keep moving up. Pro-act. Let’s not sink to the bottom and stay there. Do something. Whatever it takes. Whether it’s professional help, meditation, personal development books, exercise, gratitude practice…find something, do something, and just keep going.

(Photo not mine)

It can be done. I did this before and if you are reading this now, so can you. I was able to make the choice to face a fear so powerful that I feel it can drive me insane, like I will lose all sense of language and awareness…, face it & conquer it and completely overcome it. Whatever your issue is, grief, fear, depression, addiction of any sort or something that may seem less serious…you can face it and overcome it. It’s not the problem itself that is actually the problem; it’s how we attach to it, perceive it, view it, react to it…and we have a choice to change that.

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.”

We can & we will.

I am here cheering you on right along with cheering myself on. I have a lot of work to do and it’s every bit worth it. Keep going.

“When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on!!”

Much love & light & strength to you,

Xoxo Kim❤

P.s Elevators are the worst invention in the history of ever!!! I have a few choice words for the inventor! Blahhh!!!

Dare to live

IMG_14173579


This is not my photo but it’s inspiring so I’m sharing it!

I love how it can be interpreted as living, like living to the fullest, doing what makes us come alive, taking risks and adventures or daring to live in its most basic sense, just carrying on, breathing, keep on living, breathing, loving.

If you have ever been suicidal, you know this takes courage & much strength.

However you interpret it, I hope you are inspired. ~Hugs~ ❤

😀 ❤

Good Day to you! (or night!)

xoxo Kim