Tag Archive | day

Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’ – One Year <3


“What I am well that’s what I am.
I tell you, baby,
That’s just enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper

“I choose to fight back! I choose to rise, not fall! I choose to live, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also within you.” ~ (Mayor John Pappas, City Hall movie quote)

Hello, lovelies,

Here is something I can’t believe I’m writing today. I never thought I would live to see today.
Never in my wildest dreams. I feel a tingling in my wrists.

Almost everyone who knows me knows of my super long battle with severe, suicidal depression. I have suffered with long term mild/moderate depression for much of my life with recurrent severe, despairing, debilitating long episodes of depression on top of that. Day after day, year after year. It was not truly everyday. It would go away now & again & I would be truly happy. But it would always return.

Many days I even had great self esteem, I liked myself, loved myself even, had no problems, everything was beautiful. I had passions & interests. But I wanted to be dead. Then it would go away & I would be happy, sometimes for months then it would be back, maybe for days, maybe for months before happiness would return.

Telling people doesn’t faze me. When I’m currently dangerously suicidal I don’t tell people usually, out if fear of being put away.

But I will tell people about the vicious darkness that has consumed me. And I will tell people about Hope & Healing.

I’m not embarrassed by this disease and it’s not pretty but I won’t conceal it. I spent hours upon hours a day for many years just fantasizing about ending my life, then happiness, then despair again, I have come so close on many occasions when fear would stop me, fear that it wouldn’t work and I would just be sick, injured, or paralyzed…

Some days I would be happy but still have hours of despair in the middle. And sometimes for weeks/months, I had no depression at all.

I am generally very happy. But I still struggle with the severe episodes. Not as frequently or as long usually But they still occur.

But today is October 1st. My last serious/semi serious suicidal thought/urge was one year ago, October 2012. I cannot remember the exact day. But I know it was in October. Since then I have experienced excruciating episodes of despair, depression, sometimes, But I kept hope alive. Knowing it will end and the sun will rise again.


I have been struggling for the last few days, feeling an episode coming on. I learned to usually detect impending episodes and be able to prevent a full blown one by monitoring and consciously changing my thinking and actions.

But it’s so hard. I keep feeling suicidal thoughts trying to emerge, not just brief, fleeting ones, but ones that I will begin to entertain and dwell on. Over a year ago they would have taken over by now. But somehow now I am managing keeping them at bay.

I know some of my triggers but it’s not always triggered by something necessarily, sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.

Last night while I laid it bed, I wanted to let it just have me, have its way with me and succumb to depression and those suicidal thoughts trying to creep into me. It takes energy and motivation that I just don’t always have or feel like working on. Sometimes I don’t even want to.

This is more than just a low mood but it’s not a full blown episode. This is like what I often had before, not depression but almost. I still haven’t had one of those suicidal thoughts. Something keeps me going. I keep feeling so hopeful then hopeless then hopeful then hopeless. Then hopeful again.

I keep telling myself after all this, I won’t let myself succumb. One year is a big accomplishment for me. Those thoughts and urges were so much an integral part of me for well over a decade, off and on, that it’s incredible to think I finally lived a year without them coming & going. And because of work I did for myself. This thing has symptoms that must be managed just like other illnesses. It flares up every now & then. It comes & goes. But less than it used to.

Ever since I was a young girl I kept wishing over and over and over that I could go one year without those suicidal thoughts & urges returning but I never saw it happening. Until now. Yup, mind=blown. Lol

Depression, suicide contemplation are traumatic. All of it. Even recovery or remission is traumatic. It’s weird. It’s beautiful. It’s freaky. It’s unfathomable. Not having those thoughts day in and day out for months.

And I never get used to it. Every second of every day, almost, I realize how amazing it is to not only be alive but to actually want to be alive. To be happy in general. To have a strong will and desire to live.

I am overwhelmed. When I’m in immense physical pain or sickness and it goes away, I have this amazing feeling, a conscious awareness of not being sick or in pain. But after a while I usually go back to no longer being aware of it, consciously. I get used to it again.

But not this.

This, this never gets old. Not being in an almost constant state of depression, not having thoughts and urges to kill myself everyday all throughout the day, it never gets old. Even after a year, I am almost always conscious of it.

So much zest. So much life. So much passion. This is how it would always be when my depression would lift before coming back but now happiness is more frequent.

I still get depressed. But in general, I am the happiest girl in the whole USA! Lol ;-D

So much hope.

Pain is real. But so is hope.

I want anyone who is feeling hopeless about anything at all whether it’s something seemingly serious or something which seems trivial to know that thoughts and feelings and perspectives change. It may take work and it may not change right this second but you won’t be sad forever. Hold on, you got this.


Look where I was & look where I am. Look at me now! 😀

“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Go on, take chances. Live. Love. Maybe loving will be a mistake and you will be crushed, abandoned, rejected, ignored, devastated, not loved back…but love anyway. Live anyway.

Love doesn’t ask for changes, it doesn’t ask for favors or to be loved back, love doesn’t demand someone to think or feel or act a certain way. Love simply loves.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. ” ~ Norman Vincent Peale.

“I am 99.9% sure it will never get better. But it’s the 0.1% that keeps me going. ” ~ Unknown

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

“If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane” ~ Jimmy Buffett

“Come Monday, it’ll be alright.” ~ Jimmy Buffett. (Jimmy Buffett mentioned that he wrote this song in a C.A. Hotel room when he was suicidal and it saved his life.& I am so thankful. ❤ .)

For all those who don’t feel as old as they are and never will

I rounded first never thought of the worst
As I studied the shortstops position
Crack went my leg like the shell of an egg
Someone call a decent physician
Im no pete rose, I can’t pretend
Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones don’t bend

Im growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead” ~Jimmy Buffett


Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

I could pay off my tab
Pour myself in a cab and be back to work before 2
At a moment like this, I can’t help but wonder
What would Jimmy Buffett do?

Jimmy Buffett spoken:
Funny you should ask, Alan
I’d say
Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care

Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
He don’t care
And I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: What time zone am I on?
What country am I in?

Alan: It doesn’t matter

It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: It’s always on five in Margaritaville, come to think of it

Alan: I heard that

Jimmy: You’ve been there haven’t you?

Alan: Yes, Sir

Jimmy: I’ve seen your boat there

Alan: I’ve been to Margaritaville a few times

Jimmy: All right.
That’s good

Alan: Stumbled my way back

Jimmy: OK Just want to make sure you can keep it between the
navigational beacons

Alan: Between the buoys.
I got it

Jimmy: All right.

It’s five o’clock.
Let’s go somewhere

Alan: I’m ready.
Crank it up

Jimmy: Let’s get out of here

Alan: I’m gone” ~ Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett

This song never fails to uplift me.
And this one:

Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

I’ve been deep down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different deamons breathin’ fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled I’d fall right into the trap
That they were layin’

But the good news is there’s angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin’ out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one’s that you’ve been draggin’ for so long
You’re on your knees might as well be prayin’
Guess what I’m sayin’

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going” Rodney Atkins

“I may be lonely but I’m never alone.” ~ Alice Cooper

” I fearlssly walk into battle
With a shine on my boots and my teeth
Never flinch, never blink, never rattle
My blood is like ice underneath

Oh, I’m the reincarnation of patten
And I’ve got Hannibal’s heart in my chest
God told me I would have rivaled
Alexander the great at his best.” ~ Alice Cooper

But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
Some lovin’,
And TV, yeah.
And that’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
Well that’s enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper

Good day to you all.
P.s. This auto correct on my phone is more insane than I am, constantly changing words to weird things, even changing words to completely different words & bizarre symbols out of nowhere and spelling correct words incorrectly. Luckily I usually catch it before hitting send but occasionally I don’t and am embarrassed if I am writing to someone I don’t know well. The worst is when it changes a word to a different version. It changes “their” to “they’re” so embarrassing! Lol. It recently changed “unfazed” to “phased”! Seriously?! Shit’s off the walls! Thanks auto correct! Thanks a lot, I just love being mortified! It wrote this one day “jesus_20267475.html”. I saved it to show people. Lol I wrote some ordinary word and auto correct deleted it and wrote that thing! Whhhaatt?! Yup, my phone has lost its marbles! I guess we’re made for each other.

;-D. Remember, when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.


Blue skies ahead.

Hope lives here.

Morning Glory

Mornin’ darlings!!!


It’s morning here in sunny, Philadelphia, Pa!! ❤


  I got up extra early today to attempt to get a picture of the sunrise, something I always wanted to do. I have so many of the sun setting but none of the sun rising! But I have seen some beautiful sunrises in this life! Today is too cloudy though! That suuuccckss! Lol oh well. One day I WILL accomplish this goal! Maybe in the sweet Spring! 😉


Today, I’m greeting this morning with veneration & love!


I’m in a lot of pain and have been for a couple days because of my tmjd, pain disorder, and then I threw out my back, neck, and shoulder which makes it worse and the cold weather compounds it.

But I’m still in a great mood! 


Let’s face it, I’m a bum! Lol ok well not in the strictest sense of the word. I do like to work. I love going to work and working and I like working out at the gym when I get around to it. And walking is amazing. But I also love lounging around and I tend to sleep late and find myself waking up in the afternoon very often.


But I always wish that I would get to sleep early enough so that I wake up early in the morning on my own, replenished and well rested without going right back to sleep. That has happened before and sometimes I have to get up in the morning when I have somewhere to be that early. Like this morning. And I find that there’s something so magical and wondrous about the crisp new morning and being up and alive, fully participating in life. Just like the new year, I believe morning is symbolic of new hope & new beginnings, of new birth and all possibility. It’s a beautiful sunrise after a long, dark night. It’s hope. It’s light. A promise, and confirmation that there is, as a matter of fact, light at the end of darkness, a kind of rebirth. And there’s a sweet, early energy just swirling around us and twinkling about the atmosphere. We have a bright new day ahead of us where anything is possible. Maybe we’ll meet a new friend, learn something new, have some amazing new opportunities, receive an incredible phone call, receive an inspirational message or beautiful e-mail, maybe we’ll help someone in need, brighten someone’s day, be deeply inspired, or just have a sweet ordinary day that we make extraordinary.

At the first sign of dawn, the rays of sun bless the Earth with incandescent warmth & sparkling wonder, the birds sing a perfect serenade, and new hope rivulets through the vibrant blue sky.

Mornings happen everyday and we may think them too commonplace to be worthy of honor or adoration. And they do happen for many of us over & over again and that is a gift.

The birth of a new day – a perfect gift. I read in a book of Tao that most places in the cosmos are not blessed with morning. We, we are incredibly blessed.

Yes, for many of us, morning means we have to reluctantly drag ourselves out of bed, we have a long day of work ahead of us, we have to leave the comfort of our warm blankets and pillows but that is ok. Shake the sleep off and give thanks to this wonderful gift, this incredible present.  

Life here begins again at dawn. As my book of Tao says, this is blessing enough. This is happiness enough.

So give your thanks & blessing to this beautiful new morning. 

 Greet the dawn with veneration and awe!

There is a website called “Meditation Oasis” and the authors create mindfulness meditation mp3’s and generously put them on for free for us to use to guide us during meditation. They have so many, some of them are gratitude meditation, pregnancy meditation for pregnant girls, sleep meditation for children, relaxation ones, and of course, a sweet morning meditation! Check it out!!



#34 Morning meditation


It’s intended to get you to breathe in the morning energy and to really become one with the morning.


I believe that in the morning it’s important to be optimistic and positive. Our attitudes and expectations can unconsciously impact the day ahead of us. If you are thankful for a new day and look ahead with wonder and curiosity in a positive way, and expect good things and know you have control for the most part of how your day turns out, an amazing days awaits you!

Everyday is what we make it so let’s make it beautiful! 😉

Here’s to the promise of a brand new day!



“Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.” 

― Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book


Just another cold, misty morning inviting,

“want to go again?”

– Mary Anne Radmacher


“Begin each day as if it were on purpose.”

– Mary Anne Radmacher 


“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” ~ Buddha


“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive- to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love-then make that day count!” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free 


Now here’s one to get you to chuckle a bit:


“The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.” 

― Jarod Kintz,”Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life”




Here is a great song by the beautiful Dolly Parton! 

Dolly Parton, “Light Of A Clear Blue Morning” Lyrics


“Its been a long dark night

And I’ve been a waitin’ for the morning

Its been a long hard fight

But I see a brand new day a dawning

I’ve been looking for the sunshine

Cause I ain’t seen it in so long

But everything’s gonna work out just fine

Everything’s gonna be all right

That’s been all wrong


Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning

I can see the light of a brand new day

I can see the light of a clear blue morning

And everything’s gonna be all right

Its gonna be okay


Its been a long long time

Since I’ve known the taste of freedom

And those clinging vines

That had me bound, well I don’t need em


Cause I am strong and I can prove it

And I got my dreams to see me through

Its just a mountain, I can move it

And with faith enough there’s nothing I can’t do


And I can see the light of a clear blue morning

And I can see the light of brand new day

I can see the light of a clear blue morning

And everything’s gonna be all right

Its gonna be okay


I can see the light of a clear blue morning

I can see the light of a brand new day

Yes I can see the light of a clear blue morning

And everythings gonna be all right

Everythings gonna be all right

Everythings gonna be all right


Its gonna be okay


Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning

I can see the light of a clear blue morning

Yes I can see the light of a clear blue morning

Everythings gonna be all right

Its gonna be okay


I can see the light

I can see the light


Its gonna be all right

Its gonna be all right”


Here’s to the promise of a new day. ❤


And I hope you all have a fantastic one. ❤

🙂 😀

X0xo Kim


P.S. Some more lovely quotes to inspire your beautiful life & beautiful, loving heart!! ❤ 😀


“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~

Marcus Aurelius


“In the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” ~

Kahlil Gibran


“Morning is when the wick is lit. A flame ignited, the day delighted with heat and light, we start the fight for something more than before.” ~Jeb Dickerson 


P.S. Again!!, lol

Thank You sooo so much again to all who like & read any of my blog entries! I truly appreciate each & every one of you! ❤ :-D. You are all so great! Image