Tag Archive | habit

The Beauty that Stalks the Darkness

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“Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it.” 

I saw this quote today, attributed to Buddha. What a gem! It’s so true! This is a habit that can be developed. It may not always come so easily but it can be developed and ingrained deep into our brains. Every experience, pleasant, unpleasant, neural, trivial seeming, fun and light, can teach us something! There’s a little spark hidden somewhere in each of our experiences, that can be ignited to enlighten us, teach us a lesson, strength, wisdom, greater empathy and understanding for others, and inspire us.

There is potential for some kind of growth in every occasion.

Maybe you’ll learn who you want to be or don’t want to be, how strong you really are, ways to teach or help others….maybe you’ll learn something you can’t really put into words, just a feeling of deep knowing, true enlightenment. The lessons and wisdom and things we learn and come to know won’t be the same for all of us. Only you can really know what your experiences are capable of teaching you and how receptive or in tune you can be to the messages. Some people can help guide you along the way but it’s ultimately up to you to pay close attention.

It’s helpful, while experiencing an unpleasant or difficult situation of any sort, or even a pleasant, positive one, to stop in the midst of it and think “What is this teaching me? What skills or wisdom or knowledge am I being equipped with by experiencing this?” It may not come to you right away, maybe not even until the situation is long over. But it’s great to ask yourself those questions. It will get your brain in gear and directed at finding answers.

Sometimes your only lesson may just be developing deeper compassion to help others later in a similar situation or inspiring others by sharing what you have come to know. And that’s beautiful! 

Your situation can even just be reading a book or a poem or mindfully listening to a song. It can be wildly entertaining and fun but underneath there’s always some beautiful lesson to be learned.

I think this is what it means to “live life to the fullest.” You know that old cliche, right?! 

When I think of that I often think of people skydiving, partying it up, traveling the world, bungee jumping and shit but “living life to the fullest” is another thing that’s different for each person. To some people that stuff is boring and “living life to the fullest” is sitting on a sofa every night watching funny TV shows. And that’s great too as long as you’re getting the most out of your own life and not interfering with others.

To me, living to the fullest, is being in tune with the life all around me, living in the moment, seeing what it’s teaching me, savoring the splendor I am blessed to experience. 

It’s truly being alive and active “listening” to life, not just mindlessly floating through each day.  

Everyday I keep myself in tune to the wisdom all around and within me, I try to learn as much as I can and I meditate upon it and write about it and share with anyone who wants to know about it! I find wisdom and beauty in books, poetry, songs, blogs, essays, and everywhere. 

Xoxo Kim

P.s. I found love today in my backyard with my dogs:

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;-D

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CBT Thought Record

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My therapist told me about a tool that can help us examine and pay conscious attention to our thought patters, particularly negative thoughts. It is designed to help us pay attention to a negative emotion and negative automatic thought that accompanies it. Then we think of evidence that supports that thought and evidence that does not support it. Then we come up with an alternative thought and in the end write the feeling we experience after that whole observation.

It’s called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Thought Record and comes in the form of a worksheet that an be printed off line.

 

I would like to share this technique with people.

 

It can also be done in a journal too.

It goes like this:

 

Section 1: Where were you?:

(Where were you?, What were you doing?, Who were you with?)

 

Section 2: Emotion or Feeling:

(Emotions can be described with one word. E.g. Angry, sad, scared, Rate 0-100%)

 

Section 3: Negative automatic thought:

(What thoughts were going through your mind? What memories or images were in my mind?)

 

Section 4: Evidence that supports the thought:

(What facts support the truthfulness of this thought or image?)

 

Section 5: Evidence that does NOT support the thought:

(What experiences indicate that this thought is not completely true all of the time? If my best friend has this thought what would I tell them? Are there any small experiences which contradict this thought? Could I be jumping to conclusions?)

 

Section 6: Alternative Thought: 

(Write a new thought which takes into account the evidence for and against the original thought)

 

Section 7: 

(How do you feel about this situation now? Rate 0-100%)

 

I will provide a true example of mine that I gave to my therapist.

 

Section 1: Where were you?:

(Where were you?, What were you doing?, Who were you with?)

On the sofa, reading and my mom was in the room with me.

 

Section 2: Emotion or Feeling:

(Emotions can be described with one word. E.g. Angry, sad, scared, Rate 0-100%)

 

Brief feeling of depression, strong negative emotion. About 90%.

 

Section 3: Negative automatic thought:

(What thoughts were going through your mind? What memories or images were in my mind?)

Negative thoughts and feelings and thoughts of failure and lack of accomplishment popped into my mind. I experienced memories of not accomplishing things I wanted to or planned to and memories of things I did wrong. And believing that I will never or can never accomplish much.

 

Section 4: Evidence that supports the thought:

(What facts support the truthfulness of this thought or image?)

It took me longer than it could have to graduate college. I still live with family and not on my own. I don’t have a professional job yet.

 

Section 5: Evidence that does NOT support the thought:

(What experiences indicate that this thought is not completely true all of the time? If my best friend has this thought what would I tell them? Are there any small experiences which contradict this thought? Could I be jumping to conclusions?)

It took me longer to graduate but I did graduate. I have a job and had the job for a while. I have accomplished other things and have the ability to understand and adjust to things. I would point out to my best friend all of the instances where s/he did accomplish things big or small. Every accomplishment matters.

 

Section 6: Alternative Thought: 

(Write a new thought which takes into account the evidence for and against the original thought)

 

I can accomplish things and will accomplish more if I am determined and do my best. Failing at something doesn’t make someone a failure as a whole and failing is ok, I can just try again and accept what I cannot change. Certain things take longer than others and everyone lives and experiences at their own pace.

 

Section 7: 

(How do you feel about this situation now? Rate 0-100%)

Much more positive and optimistic. Around 100%.

 

I believe this is a very positive and effective habit to develop. It can help us think objectively and see all sides of a situation and come up with more positive alternatives to self-limiting thoughts or beliefs.

 

Here is a link that can help guide you and explain more in depth about cbt thought records. The examples this page provides are slightly different than mine because I have not used this page’s examples yet, I only did this the basic way my therapist told me about.  

 

http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/contact.htm

 

I hope this can help some people! 😀

 

Xox0 Kim ❤