Tag Archive | help

Love’s Power <3

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“I have wept in the night for the shortness of sight
That to someone’s need made me blind;
But I never have yet felt a tinge of regret 
For being a little too kind.” ~ Unknown 

I work at a store. It’s window service and we sell ice cream and water ice all year long. We make ice cream sundaes, banana splits, gelatis, and sell soda, candy, and some other things.

I get tips a lot. When someone gives me a tip it’s often one or two dollars or some change. On seldom occasions someone gives me a big tip. The biggest tip given to me at once 
was around eighteen dollars. That is very rare. I’m always very grateful for tips no matter how much or how little the money is, and the person who gives me one, more for the kindness than the money itself. People don’t have to give me a tip but many do, out of the kindness and goodness of their hearts.

One of the most inspiring tips I ever received is 25 cents. 

One busy night at work I saw an old man in line. I love old people. I think they’re cute and am deeply inspired by their deep wrinkles, graying or white hair, their slow movements, laugh lines, their aches and pains, the gnarled joints that reveal strength, endurance, and determination, passion, longing, and vitality entrapped in deteriorating eyes and ears but set free through the power of Touch, their wisdom, that all reveal an undying desire and will to live and survive, to keep going, to push through it all with that sparkle still in their eyes, the smile that never fades, the long life of happiness, heartache, joy, and battles and beauty they have been blessed to know.

The man was looking to his side, smiling warmly. I felt an instant warm affection for him. I saw deep wrinkles around his eyes and mouth, white hair on his balding head. His arthritic fingers had difficulty moving, grasping and his posture wasn’t straight. But he still has something to smile about.

Then I saw what he was smiling at. His grandson. An adorable little boy.

The little boy also had a radiant smile. A joyous smile that seemed to light the night.

He was so eager to order his own food. Usually when kids come with adults the adult orders the food for them. But occasionally a child wants to ask for her/his own.

This little boy, probably around ten years old, was so happy to ask for his own food. A “special needs” child, it was somewhat challenging for him but he attempted, succeeded, and was so proud. He asked for food that costs $2.50. 

I spoke to and smiled at him encouragingly to show him how well he was doing. And his grandfather stood back and watched proudly.

The little boy handed me three dollars and I gave him his fifty cents back. He stepped aside to put mustard on his food and let the others in line come up to order. When I went back to the window the little boy said to me, “Excuse me, do you have a tip cup?” 

I gladly accept tips but I don’t ask for or expect them and never put a tip cup out. One of the girls I work with does though and her tip cup was on the shelf next to the window since it was just me working that night, so I put it out the window when he asked and he took one of his quarters he got as change, smiled at me, and dropped it in. Again, he was so happy and proud. What a kind and thoughtful 
little boy. Full of courage and love.
Glowing with confidence.

My heart welled up with love and gratitude and inspiration.

I said “Thank You so much!!” and smiled and he smiled that unstoppable smile and joyfully replied “You’re welcome!” and they walked away hand in hand. A little boy and an old man.

This little boy doesn’t let a disability stop him or a struggle or a challenging circumstance. He bravely speaks up, exercises his independence, and reaches out in love.

The quarter he gave me is a beautiful, tangible reminder of love, strength, and courage.

I love to help people. It’s one of my favorite things. I’m a very shy girl, sometimes a little bit too reserved, and sometimes I let it limit me. 
And sometimes I let my depressive disorder limit me.
Sometimes when I’m deeply depressed I let myself sink and not be the best me I can be. I submerge into a deep abyss and stop everything. Stop writing and reading and sharing uplifting quotes and ideas, stop smiling, repressing all of my creative urges…
And there have been occasions I was in a position to reach out and help someone or speak up or even just make eye contact with and smile at a stranger or someone, to give all of myself, to express my love and compassion and instead, I held back, stood back or looked away in fear. 

Fear of what I would look like to others, fear of not being good enough, fear of trying to help but actually making something worse, fear of making a misjudgment and someone really did not need my help or want my kindness, fear of messing up in front of someone and looking silly not in a good way, fear of someone negatively judging me for some reason, fear of coming off as useless or rambling, fear of being misunderstood, fear of someone seeing me truly, seeing me for me and not liking it, the real me, fear of someone not “properly” receiving whatever I wanted to offer, fear. 

Fear.

I let it interfere with my loving compassion, the tenderness that my heart longs to lavish on the world, I let it interfere with my desire, my longing to reach out and embrace, console, heal, and love.  

I don’t always let it stop me. But too often, I do. 

And a little boy reminded me of that one summer night when he reached out through the loving kindness in his heart and showed me love even though it was a challenge for him.

He was bold enough to ask for what he wanted. And brave enough to love.

And through his own love, kindness, and courage, he was able to encourage and teach/remind me of a lesson. Love is more powerful than fear. More powerful than pain of any kind.
It’s more powerful than any struggle or challenge or disability. It’s more powerful than pain and despair, depression and the desire to give up. If we summon the love in us, it’s more powerful than anything else.

“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin'” ~ LeeAnn Womack

The only true disability is the choice to let fear or other unpleasant emotions stand in the way of love. And that disability can be corrected.

My love, my kindness, my willingness to help will not always be gratefully appreciated. I will experience forms of rejection, ridicule, apathy, people who see me for me and don’t like what they see. I will be misjudged now and again. I will be disliked, not appreciated, ignored. And that’s ok. I don’t love merely to be loved in return, to be appreciated and cherished. Those are amazing things to have but I don’t expect or demand them in return for my love, compassion, and kindness.

If someone does not receive my kindness and love the way I intend, it’s ok. It can be painful but it’s worth the risk. I will move forward and love some more. There will always be someone who does not care for my help, love, friendship, and kindness and there will always be someone who does. I won’t always know for sure who will open up and receive my love and compassion and who will not.

“Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin'” ~ LeeAnn Womack 

But I won’t stand back in fear of those who won’t. I will love again and again. And if it touches someone for the better, my dream is fulfilled. If it’s denied, ignored, ridiculed, criticized, and rejected, I will go on loving. My dream is still fulfilled. My dream to BE a being of love. To be an example of love. Love for others and the self. Love for people I don’t know personally and for people I do. Love for the most loving and beautiful people. Love for difficult people and ones who just don’t care. Love for those who aren’t easy to love.

“I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud.” ~ Jim Croce 

Love can be an emotion, an affective feeling and it can be a verb, an action, an expression. Whenever we reach out to make the world a better place or touch someone’s life for the better with the light of our own lives, we reach out in love. 

I hope you, too, will reach out in Love if it’s your true passion. If Love is your Way I hope you honor it and love. Love any way you can. Writing positive and uplifting comments to people on blogs, statuses, videos, encouraging your friends and family unconditionally, volunteering to help people or animals, being a loving mother or father or friend, working to help people, giving to those in need, smiling sweetly at people, helping homeless animals or people, sharing uplifting quotes, a warm hug or friendly hello, providing warmth and light to those in the cold darkness…you don’t need money or a specific job or even a lot of time. You can incorporate love into your every day. The most simple acts of kindness are enough to light up the world.
Even when you struggle to move your tongue, I hope you speak in Love.  And when your hands tremble in fear, I hope you still reach out to touch. When your heart is broken and scarred I hope it continues to guide you, anyway. And when you’re lonely and your arms are holding yourself tightly in your sorrow and despair, I hope you find the strength to let go and embrace another, someone else who may need your loving arms, your broken heart, your deep understanding. When your eyes are filled with tears and pain, I hope you find the courage still, to look deeply into someone else’s and find something that resonates with you, look into someone else’s eyes and see a reflection of yourself.

“At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished. It’s about what you’ve done with those accomplishments. It’s
about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It’s about what you’ve given back.”

I am forever grateful to all of those who remind me. Remind me to love, to take risks, to honor me, even though it won’t always be easy.

“Everyone needs reminders that the fact of their being on this earth is important and that each life changes everything.”
~Marge Kennedy

I heard and read the word “encourage” my whole life and knew what it means for about as long as I can remember. It means to bring some kind of support to someone, to help give someone a push to keep going. But until now I never realized the word “courage” in it and the “en” in front of the “courage.” To inspire courage. Like the word “enable.” able=ability “en” to empower or allow. To help someone find the courage that dwells deep within.

It’s an interesting revelation.

We have courage or potential for courage deep within us already and someone can help coax it out for us, even a young child.

We often think about what we can teach and remind children but let us stop for a minute and think what a child can remind and teach us.

Xoxo Kim

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Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’ – One Year <3

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“What I am well that’s what I am.
I tell you, baby,
That’s just enough for me.”  ~ Alice Cooper

“I choose to fight back! I choose to rise, not fall! I choose to live, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also within you.” ~ (Mayor John Pappas, City Hall movie quote)

Hello, lovelies,

Here is something I can’t believe I’m writing today. I never thought I would live to see today.  
Never in my wildest dreams. I feel a tingling in my wrists.

Almost everyone who knows me knows of my super long battle with severe, suicidal depression. I have suffered with long term mild/moderate depression for much of my life with recurrent severe, despairing, debilitating  long episodes of depression and psychosis on top of that. Day after day, year after year.

My entire life has been consumed by severe, agonizing depression, in a vicious way. And I won’t sugar coat it or butter it up. I was suicidal almost every day for nearly fourteen years. I fantasized, obsessed, planned, contemplated, attempted…in various degrees ending my own life.  Some days I thought I wanted to die but really I just wanted to end the pain, not everything. But many days I did want to die. Not just to end the pain or to find solace but to end my life, everything, good & bad alike. Everything.   It wasn’t always relief I was longing for. Not a purpose I was searching for. Not changes or a better life. Just my own death. It was that bad.

Many days I even had great self esteem, I liked myself, loved myself even, had no problems, everything was beautiful.   But I wanted to be dead. I had no idea why. And when I would try to analyze myself to understand why, I would become even more suicidal. As I have mentioned, there are different degrees of feeling suicidal or thinking of it. It has chemical underpinnings and attitude/environment/circumstance can contribute to it. Sometimes it’s just purely chemical.

Telling people doesn’t faze me. When I’m currently dangerously suicidal I don’t tell people usually, out if fear of being put away.

But I will tell people about the vicious darkness that has consumed me. And I will tell people about Hope & Healing.

I’m not embarrassed by this disease and it’s not pretty but I won’t conceal it. I spent hours upon hours a day for many years just fantasizing about ending my life, I have come so close on many occasions when fear would stop me, fear that it wouldn’t work and I would just be sick, injured, or paralyzed…

I have experienced “black outs” where I would “come to” and find myself in the process of ending my life without realizing I was doing this at first or consciously knowing how I got there.

Some days I would be happy but still have hours of despair in the middle.

I was never able to go more than four months without being suicidal or thinking about it to some degree, mostly though, I couldn’t even go a few days without it.

I tried different things, various medications, dosages, therapists, psychiatrists, hospitalizations, self-help, personal development techniques…until I found the combination that works best for me. Not a cure but ways to heal & cope.

I am generally very happy now.  But I still struggle with the severe episodes.   Not as frequently or as long usually But they still occur. I still struggle with horrifying Psychotic breaks. 

But today is October 1st. My last serious/semi serious suicidal thought/urge was one year ago, October 2012. I cannot remember the exact day. But I know it was in October. Since then I have experienced excruciating episodes of despair, depression, psychosis but I kept hope alive. Knowing it will end and the sun will rise again. 

Medication helps keep me stabilized so I can work on myself in other ways to care for me. I can’t say I’m recovered and don’t know if I will ever be. But I learned to live with it and to cope. 

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I have been struggling for the last few days, feeling an episode coming on. I learned to usually detect impending episodes and be able to prevent a full blown one by monitoring and consciously changing my thinking and actions.

But it’s so hard. I keep feeling suicidal thoughts trying to emerge, not just brief, fleeting ones, but ones that I will begin to entertain and dwell on. Over a year ago they would have taken over by now. But somehow now I am managing keeping them at bay.

 I know some of my triggers but it’s not always triggered by something necessarily, sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.

Last night while I laid it bed, I wanted to let it just have me, have its way with me and succumb to depression and those suicidal thoughts trying to creep into me. It takes energy and motivation that I just don’t always have or feel like working on. Sometimes I don’t even want to.

This is more than just a low mood but it’s not a full blown episode.   I still haven’t had one of those suicidal thoughts.   Something keeps me going. I keep feeling so hopeful then hopeless then hopeful then hopeless. Then hopeful again. 

I keep telling myself after all this, I won’t let myself succumb.   One year is a big accomplishment for me. Those thoughts and urges were so much an integral part of me for well over a decade that it’s incredible to think I finally lived a year without them.  And because of work I did for myself.  This thing has symptoms that must be managed just like other illnesses. It flares up every now & then. It comes & goes. It’s more bullshit than I could have ever wanted to put up with. I’m sorry. {not sorry}.  

Ever since I was a young girl I kept wishing over and over and over (on the rare occasions I wasn’t wanting to be dead) that I could go one year without those suicidal thoughts & urges but I never saw it happening. Until now. Yup, mind=blown. Lol

Depression, psychosis, suicide contemplation are traumatic. All of it. Even recovery or remission is traumatic. It’s weird.   It’s beautiful. It’s freaky.   It’s unfathomable.  Not having those thoughts day in and day out.

And I never get used to it. Every second of every day, almost, I realize how amazing it is to not only be alive but to actually want to be alive.   To be happy in general. To have a strong will and desire to live.

I am overwhelmed.   When I’m in immense physical pain or sickness and it goes away, I have this amazing feeling, a conscious awareness of not being sick or in pain.   But after a while I usually go back to no longer being aware of it, consciously. I get used to it again.

But not this.

This, this never gets old. Not being in an almost constant state of depression, not having thoughts and urges to kill myself everyday all throughout the day, it never gets old. Even after a year, I am almost always conscious of it.

So much zest. So much life. So much passion.

I still get depressed.   I get angry, sad, unhappy. I can be ungrateful and bitchy some occasions.   But in general, I am the happiest girl in the whole USA! Lol ;-D

As I sit here writing this, I feel so many emotions swirling through me. I feel pain, sorrow, and grief, love, gratitude, happiness, confusion, loneliness, elation, heartbreak, and hope. So much hope.

Sometimes when I think back to all my days of horrifying despair & depression & psychosis and I see where I am now, I feel inspired. I see how much I have evolved, I see my growth & all my lessons learned. I have come a long, long way.  But other occasions, thinking back to those days of agony when my depression was so ingrained into me and threaded throughout all my life, I feel drained, horrified at the mere memories. Now I feel a mixture of all those things.

Pain is real.   But so is hope.

I want anyone who is feeling hopeless about anything at all whether it’s something seemingly serious or something which seems trivial to know that thoughts and feelings and perspectives change.  It may take work and it may not change right this second but you won’t be sad forever. Hold on, you got this. 

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Look where I was & look where I am. Look at me now! 😀

“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Go on, take chances. Live. Love. Maybe loving will be a mistake and you will be crushed, abandoned, rejected, ignored, devastated, not loved back…but love anyway. Live anyway. 

Love doesn’t ask for changes, it doesn’t ask for favors or to be loved back, love doesn’t demand someone to think or feel or act a certain way. Love simply loves.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. ” ~ Norman Vincent Peale. 

“I am 99.9% sure it will never get better. But it’s the 0.1% that keeps me going. ” ~ Unknown

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

“If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane” ~ Jimmy Buffett

“Come Monday, it’ll be alright.” ~ Jimmy Buffett. (Jimmy Buffett mentioned that he wrote this song in a C.A. Hotel room when he was suicidal and it saved his life.& I am so thankful. ❤ .)

For all those who don’t feel as old as they are and never will

I rounded first never thought of the worst
As I studied the shortstops position
Crack went my leg like the shell of an egg
Someone call a decent physician
Im no pete rose, I can’t pretend
Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones don’t bend

Im growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead” ~Jimmy Buffett 

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Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

I could pay off my tab
Pour myself in a cab and be back to work before 2
At a moment like this, I can’t help but wonder
What would Jimmy Buffett do?

Jimmy Buffett spoken:
Funny you should ask, Alan
I’d say
Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care

Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
He don’t care
And I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: What time zone am I on?
What country am I in?

Alan: It doesn’t matter

It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: It’s always on five in Margaritaville, come to think of it

Alan: I heard that

Jimmy: You’ve been there haven’t you?

Alan: Yes, Sir

Jimmy: I’ve seen your boat there

Alan: I’ve been to Margaritaville a few times

Jimmy: All right.
That’s good

Alan: Stumbled my way back

Jimmy: OK Just want to make sure you can keep it between the
navigational beacons

Alan: Between the buoys.
I got it

Jimmy: All right.

It’s five o’clock.
Let’s go somewhere

Alan: I’m ready.
Crank it up

Jimmy: Let’s get out of here

Alan: I’m gone” ~ Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett

This song never fails to uplift me.
And this one:

Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

I’ve been deep down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different deamons breathin’ fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled I’d fall right into the trap
That they were layin’

But the good news is there’s angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin’ out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one’s that you’ve been draggin’ for so long
You’re on your knees might as well be prayin’
Guess what I’m sayin’

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going” Rodney Atkins 

“I may be lonely but I’m never alone.” ~ Alice Cooper

” I fearlssly walk into battle
With a shine on my boots and my teeth
Never flinch, never blink, never rattle
My blood is like ice underneath

Oh, I’m the reincarnation of patten
And I’ve got Hannibal’s heart in my chest
God told me I would have rivaled
Alexander the great at his best.” ~ Alice Cooper


But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
Some lovin’,
And TV, yeah.
And that’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
Well that’s enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper

Good day to you all.
P.s. This auto correct on my phone is more insane than I am, constantly changing words to weird things, even changing words to completely different words & bizarre symbols out of nowhere and spelling correct words incorrectly. Luckily I usually catch it before hitting send but occasionally I don’t and am embarrassed if I am writing to someone I don’t know well. The worst is when it changes a word to a different version. It changes “their” to “they’re” so embarrassing! Lol. It recently changed “unfazed” to “phased”! Seriously?! Shit’s off the walls! Thanks auto correct! Thanks a lot, I just love being mortified! It wrote this one day “jesus_20267475.html”. I saved it to show people. Lol I wrote some ordinary word and auto correct deleted it and wrote that thing! Whhhaatt?! Yup, my phone has lost its marbles! I guess we’re made for each other.

 ;-D. Remember, when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

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Blue skies ahead.

Hope lives here.

“Ordinary” people who inspire me <3

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There’s a lot of inspirational people in this world who most of us know about: celebrities, authors, politicians, world leaders, other famous or well known people. Ones who people tend to think of as extraordinary. 

But then there’s the other people.   The ones who aren’t famous. They’re not known in the media or around the world. Maybe they’re your friends.   Your family members. Your coworker or neighbor. Someone you met at a bus stop. A teacher you had in school one year, a professor in college.   A random stranger on the street or a salesperson at a store, a customer at a place you work.

All the “little” things they do may not reach as many people, maybe the impact of them doesn’t reach people at the same magnitude as the people frequently publicized in the media. But their actions, words, kindness, compassion, & love are no less extraordinary to the lives they touch & warm.

Inspirational people are everywhere. 

I decided to create a list of some people who have at one point inspired me somehow. Some of them I know personally. Others I have only encountered once in all my days. But all of their lives have touched mine, somehow, for the better.

1.) The man who stopped his car to ask another man, a random stranger, if he needed help with the ladder he was putting up. “Yo, buddy, you need help with that?” he asked. And it warmed me to see such random kindness extended to a stranger. 

2.) The man who noticed I was lost one day and offered me help without me asking.   I was lost in Center City Philadelphia a few years ago. I was confused and had no idea where to go or who to ask for help.   I walked along the crowded, busy streets and must have appeared to be lost & confused. A man I have never seen before approached me with a warm smile & genuine concern, asking me if I need help. I told him yes, I can’t seem to find what bus I need to get home. He asked me where I was going and showed me where to go. He helped me find my way back home. 

3.) The group of little girls who blessed me with kindness which was more than necessary. I was working at the store one night and a group of young girls came for ice cream. They were no older than 13 years old. They all sat on the bench after paying, to eat their ice cream. They were all wearing girls soccer uniforms. After they ate their ice cream they came back to the window and looked at me smiling and whispering to each other.   I suspected that they were doing this in the way girls do when they are being malicious.   Girls of all ages do this. They can be 8 years, 13 years, 25 years, 40 years, 60 years or older and they will stare, whisper, smirk, gossip, about other girls. Not all girls do this but many do.   I wasn’t sure but I thought maybe these girls were doing this. But they were not. They each pulled out money, put it together and handed it to me, “This is a tip for you, thank you” and they smiled at me warmly and walked away. I was and still am so touched by their kindness and generosity.

4.) Diane, the lady who brags about me as if I am her own daughter. I have known her for about 7 years, I met her at work. She has a few sons who are close to the same age as me. She loves to introduce me to new people , loves to tell them how sweet I am, how friendly & loving, and all about my education and interests. If you listened to her,you would think I’m her own daughter the way she’s so proud and so ready to show me off to people. 

5.) Brian, my next door neighbor who loves to help stray animals. He is so dedicated to helping homeless cats. He takes them in during storms, feeds them on his steps even though other neighbors get angry saying he attracts them.   He goes on doing what he loves, helping animals in need. He places bowls of food near a lot on the street for a mommy kat & her kitties. He comes out at all hours of the night checking on them. He is very friendly & kind.

6.) The stranger who I told everything to in the rain one day under his umbrella at the bus stop. It was after my therapist appointment one day. It was raining hard. It was beautiful. I was waiting for the bus. He stood next to me and put his umbrella over me. He wasn’t coming on to me, wasn’t trying to hook up, wasn’t being a creep or trying to take advantage.   He just wanted to help me not get soaked and was genuinely interested in my story. He asked if I live around there I said no. He asked if I work near there.   I said no. I told him I go there for therapy.   He was interested in why. I told him I have severe depression. He couldn’t relate much but told me his sister can. He asked what it’s like for me. I told him. I expected him to turn away at first, to give me a weird look, a scared look, which some strangers have done when I told them. But he looked at me in no such way. He was kind, compassionate, empathetic, interested, friendly.   And he told me about his life & his sister.   It was perfect.

7.) The lady who came to my work to buy ice cream and bought a homeless man everything he wanted. He was so grateful, she was genuinely concerned. I bought him a soda.   He was so moved. He cried. Said he never experienced such warmth & kindness.

8.) The little girl who came to the store where I work to buy something. She started to walk away then turned back and said “I just want to tell you, you look beautiful tonight.”
 

9.) The doctors & nurses in the hospital I was in when I was 21 years old and had to get emergency surgery for my kidney. They were so kind, warm, caring, compassionate, & genuinely concerned. I have never been so sick and in so much pain before then. My heroes.

10.) The very patient & helpful Philadelphia detective when I had to try to identify someone who held a gun to my chest and no one in the pictures were that man. Another detective was inpatient, fed up, angry, and bitter with me, for not knowing enough info. Which I understand with all the stressful, heroic work he does day in & day out. But this other man, he was warm & told me how helpful I was and how good I did even though I wasn’t very helpful.

11.) The psychiatric technician I met during one of my hospitalizations for depression. Very caring, compassionate, uplifting, empathetic, unlike many other of the staff members. He cared about us truly. He told us about his own struggle with addiction, how he was hopeless at one point and turned his life around and now helps people who are in a dark place where he once was. He told us we all have an inner sun and to let it shine through, to take good care of ourselves, how deserving we are of love, how capable we are of turning our own lives around. He told us about the “Gambler” song sung by Kenny Rogers and how inspiring it is about life in general, which I already knew but love more now.

This is just a brief list. I have many more inspiring memories/people as well. And not only positive / happy people and things can be inspirational.   Tears, heartbreak, struggles, pain, illness, setbacks…can all inspire us and strengthen us.

Who are the “ordinary” people in your everyday who inspire you? I encourage you to frequently make mental notes, and even lists on paper or electronic lists. One seemingly small act of kindness can be so big to the person’s whose life it touches. 

You may be touching other people’s lives for the better everyday without even knowing!

You can inspire people in person & through your writing or drawing or singing.

I believe we should appreciate all of the people and the simple things they do and the way they inspire us everyday and I believe we should be the kind of person who inspires others.

Much love, laughter, life, inspiration, & healing to you all.

Thank You, Earthbound angels. Thank You mortal goddesses & gods.

Xox0 Kim

😀

My Mental Illness & Strength

I work on topics for this blog frequently although I don’t always post them quickly.   I mostly use my phone and when I have a great idea I write it down in my memos section.
This is a fantastic phone for many things.   My last blackberry phone has a memos section but every memo entry goes straight into the same section/folder and I have thousands upon thousands of memos for all different things. So when I would create a blogging memo to later post to this blog, it would be lost amidst the thousands of other memos and if I would forget the title of the memo, well I was out of luck.

So I would write the word “Blog” in every title so when I searched I would search for the word “Blog ” but then that list was getting way too long and it took a long while to find the post I was searching for.

But this phone let’s me create multiple folders for anything I want! So currently I have a folder for the sole purpose of this blog, one for inspirational quotes, one for poetry, ….

It’s so organized and convenient and I love it.

Anyway, today I am depressed and hallucinating. As I have mentioned here before, I struggle with Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Features.   I have since I was eleven years old and was diagnosed at 21 years old.   And it sucks. I have recurrent episodes, sometimes with psychosis(hallucinatuons & delusions) . When I’m hallucinating, I don’t always know it. Until someone points out my bizzare thinking or behavior. Or when my depression lifts and I realize I was totally schizing out. 

My depression is generally much, much better than ever before.   My episodes are not as frequent and usually not as severe. But today I was so depressed I could not get out of bed for a few hours. I laid in bed for hours wide awake but unable to move. I was in so much pain it was incredible. It felt like my gut going through a shredder. Like my whole body weighed thousands of pounds, it was agony. It really was.

I can’t even explain it in words. It was not triggered by any one specific event. But endless negative thoughts scurried through my head. All of my failures, feelings of lack & loneliness, anger, grief, despair.   It was hell. Then I got myself out of bed and was standing in my bedroom. My sister was in her room and my mom was downstairs.   No one else was in my house. My dad was at work.

I looked to my side and a man was standing next to me and startled me and I jumped and screamed loudly. My mom was on the phone with a utility company person and did not appreciate my shrieking.   I succumbed back to my bed and the man vanished. I later realized I was hallucinating.   My hallucinations are often very vivid and seem very real. Sometimes I know I’m hallucinating, sometimes I don’t. I have visual, auditory, &  tactile hallucinations.   The tactile (bodily / feeling) ones are usually the worst and most frightening ones.   I feel someone or something on my body pulling me, crushing me, strangling me. Sometimes I believe and feel that I am being dragged across the floor, down the stairs, and just all over but really I’m just laying in bed.  It’s horrible but I have learned to cope.

I hear voices sometimes, which are all in my head but they are just as real to me as an actual person standing before me and talking. They often speak nonsense. Sometimes they talk to me and other occasions they have conversations with one another. Sometimes about me. They don’t say bad things about me and they don’t tell me to do things.

One night some years ago I was laying in bed trying to sleep and two different voices were trying to determine if I was already asleep or not. I know now they were not real.

I see scary things that others can’t see. But not all of my hallucinations are scary. They can be annoying and they can just be there.   Not scaring me, not annoying me, just there.

This freaks some people out. It freaked my aunt out years ago way before I was diagnosed and had no clue whatsoever what was going on with me. She was too afraid to be around me after that and I was invited over to her house less frequently and was not allowed to sleep over or go out with her anymore.

When I was at the jersey shore with her and my grandmom when I was fifteen years old, I slipped into a very deep depression and I could not get out of bed. My grandmom yelled at me and said it was for attention. Other people said it was a “Rebellious teenage Phase” and my aunt was scared out of her mind yelling that I was “Going off. “. Me? I had no idea what was happening. No idea how to explain it to anyone.

It was a living hell.

I was delusional, thinking people were conspiring against me and wanted me dead. As an adult I  have believed that therapists of mine were out to destroy me and were working against me. And wanted me dead or ruined.

When I was a teenager I had no idea what depression or psychosis is.

But here I am now. All grown up and I know what I have and what to do to help myself.

I am not dangerous to others or society. I will not hurt anyone or destroy anything. I know what is right and what is wrong. While I cannot always control my thoughts or emotions I CAN control my actions. I never think about or want to hurt or kill anyone other than myself. And usually I do not even want to hurt myself anymore.

My mental illness is a part of me. It is not the biggest part of me. It is not me. But there’s no denying that it IS a part of me and may always be. I am not embarrassed to write about it and I am not embarrassed to talk about it in person to anyone at all. I can’t deny it and pretend it’s not real or not serious and I don’t want to. It may not be good and it may not be pleasant but that does not make it any less a part of me.

I don’t always go out of my way to bring it up to people out of nowhere but I never go out of my way to cover it up or keep it a secret. 

I am not a secretive kind of girl. I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be anonymous or shady or keep to myself. I want people to know me for all that I am, good & bad alike.

I realize that sometimes I talk about my illness and suicidal thoughts or compulsions lightly or a little too casually for some people.   It’s just the way I am. It’s not to make light of a serious disorder but because it’s so much a part of me and I am so used to being me, I tend to forget that mental illness and suicidal contemplation are not light or extremely common things that people in general tend to talk about casually or openly.

So a conversation of mine can go a little something like this:

“So today I woke up, got into a shower, contemplated suicide, walked to the store and then I went to work and I was hallucinating all day and I got an iced coffee and I came home…” sometimes I just forget that to other people, that can be the biggest shock to hear or read, that I contemplated suicide today. But to me, that’s just part of what I am.

Lol

I have no problem discussing it in public even when strangers can hear.

It used to kill me that I wasn’t like other girls. I wasn’t a “Normal” girl. I have this extra baggage to lug around. But it is what it is.  

When I was in tenth grade and would sit in class with the other girls, I knew I was different in an unpleasant way.   When they talked about what they wanted for their sixteenth birthdays, they wanted cars, and cellphones but all I wanted was a gun and a casket. When they giggled and dreamed about what to wear and who to take next year to the prom, all I could think about was who, if anyone, would come to my funeral.

Of course I did not mention this to anyone at all. I was not as confident or open back then. I suffered alone in silence.

Today I was excruciatingly depressed BUT the thought of taking my own life did not even cross my mind! I’m so happy to say! I am getting stronger.   I am getting better.
Just a year ago I would have gave in and contemplated or thought of ending my life but not today! Not anymore!

And even through the pain of today, I was able to grasp onto some positive things and thoughts and not succumb to what may have turned into a full-blown, clinical episode. 

I can think of two things that contributed to my depression today. Lack of sleep last night and I woke up early and read a girl’s heartbreaking story of her best friend who recently died of cancer at age 27 years old.
They were inseparable friends and could not stand being apart. 
I can’t stand reading that people die. My heart just breaks.

I want everyone to be able to talk openly about mental health and illness. Some people may genuinely not want to discuss their own condition and that’s definitely ok. But there are those who do want to discuss it but cannot bring themselves to out of fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed or rejected and abandoned.

Your mental illness is not who you are. You are so much more.   But it is a part of you just like any physical condition is a part of other people. And you can learn to cope with it and accept it.

If other people cannot, you may want to reconsider being around them too much or putting much thought  into them.

There are people who will accept you, mental illness and all. And there are those, like me, who know exactly what it’s like to struggle with it.

You can’t pull yourself out of it or directly talk yourself out of it but you CAN make decisions and form habits that will contribute to remission or recovery or just make your condition less severe and easier to handle.

It won’t always be easy. I now view this as a blessing, as painful as it can be. It inspires me to better myself in general and strengthen my positive nature and my general gratitude.

It’s not always pretty but it does have its positive side.

Having this blog helps me tremendously. Just thinking about the fact that I have right here to post whenever I want about positive thoughts, experiences, coping mechanisms…to help others and myself brings me a sense of consolation and inspiration.

YOU can empower yourself and inspire yourself. Be your biggest advocate.  

I am depressed right now but not like earlier. And I know it’s temporary. It comes and goes and I am strong enough to prevail.

” All the world is full of suffering.
It is also full of overcoming.”
– Helen Keller

Let today be the day that you choose to become your own greatest hero. 

Xox0 Kim

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😀

Holly, Hope, & Healing

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I wrote this some weeks ago and intended to post it here then never got around to it.

I tried posting it and it would not go through and then later I posted other stuff.

 

In January, 2008 I met a girl named Holly. In the extremely short amount of time we knew each other for, she impacted me in an incredibly positive way. I loved meeting Holly and will always be so very grateful our lives crossed and touched. Holly was/is one of the most beautiful, sweetest girls anyone could ever be blessed to know or meet.  

But the circumstance in which we met was very, very unpleasant. We were both admitted to the same mental hospital, her for Schizophrenia, me for severe depression. We shared a hospital room together.

It was my first hospitalization in that kind of hospital and I was unsure what to expect. I am extremely claustrophobic and have an immense fear of small and closed in places especially if I’m alone in them or with someone I cannot connect with for some reason.

This was my only fear about the hospital. I’m generally not a fearful kind of girl.

Even regular hospitals don’t scare me. I wasn’t even scared when I was about to have emergency kidney surgery when I was twenty one years old.

Just the anesthesia stuff scared me until the doc assured me that the Anesthesia would not paralyze me while I was conscious when I asked her. So it did not surprise me that I wasn’t scared of this hospital. 

I was admitted to that hospital in the middle of the night, taken in an ambulance after leaving an emergency room at another hospital where I was for eight hours. When one of the friendly psychiatric technicians took me to my room, I was afraid. Afraid that he would lock the door and I would be locked in. I was starting to protest the fact that I had to go in that dark room. I started to get loud even though I am and always have been a very quiet girl in general. Other patients were sleeping, including my roommate, Holly. I told the technician I did not want to be locked in that room and he promised I wouldn’t be locked in there and he told me gently and warmly but firmly to be quiet so I would not wake Holly. I saw her laying in bed sleeping and as he was closing the door I turned around, pulled it all the way back opened and asked “Can she talk?”. I had no idea what was wrong with her or what state or condition she was in. She may have been in an immobilized depressive state, in a catatonic state like I am sometimes or she may have been suffering with Catatonic-type schizophrenia or some other condition that would render her unable to talk or connect with me on a level that would make me somewhat at ease being in a closed room with her. The technician smiled warmly with a quick laugh and said “Yes, she can talk.”. I instantly felt at ease and a bit calmer. He closed the door and I got into my bed next to her bed.

Words will never do justice to express the true depth of my loneliness or level of my suffering that day and the other days I have struggled with depression. The loneliness was so suffocating I felt that itself would kill me or drive me to insanity if I wasn’t already there. My depression often leaves me with a sense of loneliness so deep I feel that I am the only one in this world no matter how many people are near me and talking to me. And in a sense I am the only one in the world, my own solitary world of painful confinement. Like layers and layers just covering me and I cannot truly be touched in any way. Nothing can penetrate. There is no connection with anyone or anything.

But I am the kind of girl who is always thrilled to meet new people and even through my pain, despair, loneliness, and depression that day, deep inside me there was some small tinge of wonder about Holly, sparkling through my pain and despair. I wanted to meet her.

I wanted to wake her up, as tired and exhausted in every way imaginable that I was. I wanted to know her, I wanted her to know me.

I wanted her to break through my sheer walls that no one could see and ease the pain for at least a little while.

I instantly felt some sort of connection already as she laid there sound asleep.

We were both girls struggling, suffering with some wretched sickness that landed us in that hospital.

But I knew I couldn’t wake her. So I laid in my bed and eventually drifted off to sleep. Then before I knew it I was waking up to voices in the room with me. “Who’s that?” I heard a curious young woman’s voice ask. “That’s your new roommate, Kimberly.” I heard the technician answer.

We had to get our vital signs taken and get ready for breakfast. I finally got to meet her. She had the biggest, brightest smile that lit up the room.

She asked me what I was in there for and I told her depression. “What’s that?” She asked, “Is it like sadness?”. I was in no mood at all to explain what depression is or why I was so devastatingly depressed and I actually wasn’t sure exactly why anyway. “Yeah” I said, “Something like that.”. I was too lethargic to get out of bed and I laid back down.

Holly told me to get a lot of rest and I instantly sensed her caring, generous, beautiful nature.

I told her my intense fear of being in closed places and Holly was kind enough to open the door for me and she told me she doesn’t ever want me to be scared or sick. But it turned out that Holly was struggling with Paranoid Schizophrenia and was suffering with horrible hallucinations and delusions.

She saw things and heard things, often extremely unpleasant and terrifying things, that weren’t really there. And she was under the impression that people were trying to hurt her and get into her head and steal or mess with her thoughts.

She suddenly became terrified having the door open and the noises in the halls were affecting her negatively so she told me that she would close the door and that she was sorry for me and that it would all be ok because we would be together and she wouldn’t let anything bad happen to scare me.

I was no longer afraid of the door being closed.

Holly was in that hospital for a very long while and was in and out of hospitals for many years.

Holly made sure all the patients got what they wanted and needed. We were allowed to eat hard candy throughout our stay there and when one girl did not get any candy and wanted some but was too afraid to ask, I could see that it actually hurt Holly to see that. Holly, an extremely empathetic person, wanted everyone to be happy. So she made sure the girl got her candy. She showed me pictures she made with toothpaste that she hung on the walls in our room.

Because of my depression I stayed in bed frequently so whenever the other patients were getting ready for a fun movie night or activity, Holly would come running to our room to let me know and make sure I was included. I was so accepted, so included, so pleased that she thought of me. ❤

One night I was extremely depressed and lonely and felt I was suffocating. I went to my room and laid in bed writhing in so much pain I felt like I was dying. The loneliness was so immense I felt I could not go on living. I truly believed it would never end, never get better. My world was collapsed on top of me and I felt buried alive, crushed and so broken. 

It was like an endless nightmare but I was awake.

It was Hell on Earth.

And for no specific reason.

All of my flaws, real or imagined, magnified and came speeding at me with so much force, piercing my very essence.

 

I laid there alone with the lights off, endless thoughts swirling around in my head. Endless agonizing thoughts. Holly came into the room and turned the lights on.

She told me about a dream she recently had while she slept and I told her one of mine. I saw her eyes light up with amazement. She was so thrilled to hear my dream.

She was so genuinely interested in other people and the welfare of others.

So sensitive to everyone else’s needs and desires.

And we talked that night for hours in our beds about our pain and also about lighter topics. Girly things like body mist and lotion and Bath & Body Works, which we both love, and all the stuff we did for fun and all the stuff we dreamed of doing and wanting to want again if we weren’t so sick. The stuff we did, loved, before incredible sickness took over our worlds, ravaged our brains.

 

For a few moments we were just two ordinary girls having a fun “sleep over.” Chatting and giggling, the way girls are supposed to be, not stuck in hospital beds wanting so desperately to die.

 

I actually smiled and even laughed and for once in so so long I felt a deeper connection to someone, her.

And she was telling me of something funny that happened with one of the other patients and I told her about how hilarious it was when a boy with a spiral notebook that was his journal got it and his pen taken away and the pen replaced with a pencil and the sharp metal spiral thing removed out of the pages and then he got it back.

It was falling apart now.

I still laugh at that when I think back to those days. And even through the painful memories I can feel amusement and light.

🙂 😀

We laughed hysterically over the silliness we felt and how they took away our clothes and things and our shoelaces and belts and anything else that may be a potential weapon against ourselves or others.

Replacing everything potentially dangerous with safer things. Pencils as opposed to pens, smaller towels, plastic forks & spoons, all the strings and laces in clothing, and wiring in girls’ bras, all taken away.

 

Suddenly for a few minutes our pain that caused so much devastation and grief and the seriousness of being in a mental hospital turned into

Something funny. We made fun of ourselves instead of dwelling on the seriousness and darkness of our circumstance. How crazy we are, we told each other, being dragged into a mental institution in the middle of the night. Getting all of our things taken away.

 

Holly told me she hears voices no one else can hear and people just call her crazy.

“I know” I told her. “I hear them too.”

She told me how much it hurt her. I know. It hurts me too.

I have also met other amazing people in that hospital those days. ❤

Michelle. Melissa. Lamont. Latrina. Kelly. Chris. Gina. Frank. Patricia. Aquanetta. And many, many more.

Yesterday and the day before were kind of sad days for me for a reason I know not what. Yesterday I felt much sadness for no known reason and then I have been struggling with a loneliness so deep, deeper than I have felt in so so long. The kind of loneliness that even great company cannot cure. It’s not as bad as it was then. And there’s another difference. I am stronger now. And I know this pain and loneliness are only temporary.

I know this pain. I know it well.

  It will come and it will go. I now know that I can live. I did not know then what I know now.

I will always think of and remember Holly and the others. I haven’t seen her since I left the hospital. I know nothing of her now other than what I knew then. I have been thinking of her and the rest a lot yesterday. How they inspired me so deeply and let me see hope and light through so much darkness.

If I can laugh with a girl while we sit in our hospital beds being accused of being “crazy” hearing crazy voices, having disturbing thoughts, being locked away, I can sure sit here and laugh now! 😀

 

I am in a much, much better place. I am actually very proud of my great accomplishment. Being able to be strong enough and knowledgeable enough to not let my mood sink deeper into the depression I used to live then.

The depressive episodes are so much easier to handle now.

It’s weird but in a beautiful way. Weird to feel the same old pain sometimes but still be able to stay positive to a certain degree and even feel a shred of happiness amidst the pain and not want to die.

Before, sometimes even beneath the happiness I still felt a kind of lingering sadness. Now even through the sadness I still feel a kind of happiness.

So beautifully weird. It feels weird but beautiful to live voluntarily and not just because I have to or out of fear.

I will healthily mourn all my days/years lost to pain but I will move on and embrace the now I am blessed with.  

❤ </3 

 

Depression is not always for a specific reason. Sometimes it just is. Sometimes there are days when everything is wrong. Everything. My hair color is wrong. My face is wrong. My age is wrong. I am just wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

But what’s even worse than the days where everything is wrong is the days when nothing is wrong, everything is right, and yet I still cannot get out of bed, still cannot be happy, still feel wretched mental anguish.

An agony so strong it feels it’s connected to nothing on this Earth. The sun can be shining brightly. The weather can be beautiful. I can have lovely friends. But still there’s that ache, that pain, that loneliness. That’s how I know I’m in a bad way.

But, I sit here now and I feel as if I will never go back there. I am strong now and I know that depressive episodes are temporary. I will conquer them; they will not conquer me.  

A clinical episode has a certain amount of symptoms and lasts two weeks or longer but an episode can last less than two weeks and have less symptoms but still be very bad, no less painful.

 

Wherever Holly is, I hope she is well and this goes for everyone else too. I hope everyone who is at a low point can find some consolation, hope, beauty, & light. Remember when you’re at your lowest point, the only way is up! 🙂

 

“Bless the broken road that led me straight to you.” ❤

 

“I may be lonely but I’m never alone.” ~Alice Cooper ❤

 

“To love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you’ve held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

your throat filled with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face

between your palms, a plain face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you, again.” 

 

Ellen Bass

 

Xoxo Kim ❤ 😀

To Do List

Image✓ Sing out loud

✓ Write

✓ Smile at people 🙂

✓ Make eye contact

✓ Think positively

✓ Find little doses of inspiration everywhere I look

✓ Be kind

✓ Smile 😀

✓ Draw

✓ Paint

✓ Read & share uplifting quotes

✓ Laugh until it hurts

✓Love

✓Count my blessings

✓ Hope for the best

✓ Imagine

✓ Write a gratitude list

✓ Do something that brings me immense joy

✓Meditate

✓ Bring hope and light to someone in the darkness

✓ Be silly and not care what people think about it

✓ Be me. ❤

✓ See the best in myself & others.

✓ Look for beauty in any form everywhere I can.

✓ Be uplifting

✓ Be lighthearted. ❤

✓ Give.

✓ Be an excellent listener.

✓ Seek to understand.

✓ Be empathetic

✓ Be compassionate

✓ Be a true friend

✓ Perform a random act of kindness

✓ Inspire

✓ Seek to be inspired. 

✓ Embody love. ❤

✓ Be mindful.

✓ See the world with wonder & awe & gratitude

✓ Write an inspirational & uplifting, anonymous letter containing positive quotes and messages, fold it up and leave it in some random place like a bench in a park, an empty seat on a bus, on a step…for a stranger to find.

✓ Take lots of pictures

✓ Be happy

✓ Eat delicious food.

✓ Be light. Be love. Be true. 

✓ Dance

✓ Empower myself. ❤

✓ Focus on the goodness.

✓ Contribute to the world.

✓ Be thankful

✓ Be aware of my senses.

✓ Be friendly 😀

✓ Breathe

✓ Notice the simple things.

✓ Stay calm even in difficult and chaotic situations.

✓ Inhabit my body.

✓ Be.

✓ Be the best me that I can be.

✓Live. ❤

Staying Positive even during negative situations

Here are some tips for how to stay positive even during difficult struggles and pain or during other people’s negativity when you have to be around it.

These are things that help me and I hope they will help you too. We are all different and unique and not everything that helps one of us will definitely help another so you have to try and practice various things until you find what is best for you but I believe these things will help many people.

 

1.) Give thanks.

Think of the things that actually ARE going right. You can start with simple things like your health, your senses, the sky, stars, daylight, sun, moon. Maybe you have wonderful friends and great family even if you cannot be near them as often as you would like. Do you have a fantastic job or at least an ok one for now? Or maybe sweet pets or great food! Make a list of all you have.

 

2.) Color/arts and crafts

 

If you are into creation you can draw or color and get lost in the activity to take your mind off of the negativity for a while. It can help you to create something and be proud of your creation!

You can cut colorful pictures out of magazines or cut out letters and make them into inspirational quotes to glue on construction paper.

3.) Meditate

Mindfulness mediation is something I love and it puts my entire body at ease. Close your eyes, sit in a comfortable position and focus on your breath. Check out meditation Oasis. http://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast/listen-to-podcast/

 

4.) Walk –

If you can, go for a walk. Pay close attention to your surroundings. Take in the wonder of the colors, the sounds, the feel, the scents…everything. It can help relax you and put your mind onto something positive in the present moment.

 

5.) If you can, try writing to, calling, texting a positive friend. True friends are always so uplifting and great to talk to. Even if you don’t want to spill your problems at the moment, maybe you can talk about pleasant things.

 

6.). Try positive journaling where you write and focus on the good in your life or about yourself. List your dreams, goals, hopes, plans, great qualities, fun things…

 

7.) Positive music, songs, read positive lyrics and quotes, print them out, write them down

 

8.) Exercise – this is a great outlet for stress and frustration and makes your body feel amazing. You can engage in a vigorous work out or jump on a trampoline or something simple like a quick walk.

 

9.) Read uplifting books

 

10.). Search the net for some positive outlets to take your mind off of the pain & craziness of the moment.

 

11.) Animals – animals are beautiful and loyal friends. They love unconditionally. If you have none, try to be near a friend’s, walk by a dog park and see the joyfulness that runs wild in there! 😀

 

12.) Take good, loving care of yourself! You deserve it! No matter what is going on, nurture yourself and speak/think kind, loving things about yourself. Think of your good qualities – physical and emotional. Get good rest and good sleep. Maybe a full body massage? Or a mani/pedi. And reward your body with healthy foods and maybe a delectable snack like chocolate cake or whatever you consider a delicious treat. Treat yourself how you would treat someone you love.

 

13.). Do not put off stuff you love. Still put on your makeup if that’s what you like. Get dressed up, fix your hair…

 

14.). Watch an uplifting, comical movie

 

15.) Read funny jokes, get a good laugh! 😀

I hope these things help you!

 

X0xo Kim 🙂 😀

 

P.S. The picture is one I drew to represent peace of mind. It’s a white dove still flying with her wings up even in the midst of a wild storm with rain & lightening. It’s meant to show the fact that we can stay peaceful, calm, and serene even during environmental turmoil. My sister and me came up with the picture and I drew it.Image