Tag Archive | kindness

Light of the love that I found…♡

“It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life ohh save a life
Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels”

 Much of my job takes place outside, in all kinds of weather, without exception. Today is a very rainy kind of day! ♡ 

I can’t believe how many people, both men & women, stop to offer me their umbrellas on days like today. They choose to be soaked and uncomfortable so I won’t have to be. I love to see people living up to our motto, City of brotherly love. That’s why I’m sharing this post, to promote & share acts of kindness. We all have the capacity to love and there are an infinite number of chances each day, to express love to others, friends, family, strangers, animals, insects….all sentient beings. ♡ Let’s take a chance at least once today, to reach out and love someone! 

“The world can make you feel so small
Steal your dreams and make you crawl
And break you till you got you got nothing at all
When you’re in that dark place and you need that embrace
You know love is never too far away”

Ordinary Angels – Craig Morgan

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim 

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No act of kindness is ever wasted ♡

I saw this outside of a bar this morning, while walking one of my babies. (An adorable pitbull!) ♡ When I read the first part, I automatically thought how sweet it is that a saying like that is chalked on the building of a bar! Then I quickly saw the last part and burst out laughing! Lol How funny!

Anyway, I very much agree with the first part! No matter how seemingly small or simple an act of kindness is and even if it’s not appreciated by the recipient of the kind act, it’s never wasted! It generates positive energy and is a beautiful way to live. Sometimes I see social media posts or hear people in person speak about how they are too kind and it’s not appreciated and how they have to stop being so caring. I hope people won’t stop being kind and caring no matter what. We need all the kind, caring people we can get! Why regret something we do out of love for others?! 

I love this funny, lighthearted, & inspiring quote I came across this morning!! 

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever you are! ♡♡♡

Much love & light to you always,

Xoxo Kim 

Kindness♡

(Diane – July 14, 1956 – February 14, 2015)

“Treat everyone with kindness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are kind, but because you are.”

I wrote this about a week ago but never posted it so here it is!

Recently, I have had some difficult interactions with some people acting unreasonably and petty. I have been pissed for the last couple days and so distressed it triggered a severe flareup of my chronic pain disorder. Last night I laid awake in agony. It was one of my worst experiences. I felt like I was going insane. And it’s all my own doing. I let those people drive me to this point.
Today when I was out walking, I caught myself thinking of ways to unleash my anger in unpleasant ways. I wanted people to know what I think of them (it’s definitely not kind, loving thoughts!) and I realized that my usual kind, loving, patient self was pushed aside and very unpleasant, destructive emotions took the place of the love & patience I usually experience & display.

While I was standing there dwelling on my resentment for the people I had unpleasant encounters with and conjuring up unkind ways to let them know of my resentment, I thought of Diane. My close friend who always talked to and about me and bragged about me like I was her own daughter. She has three sons and grandchildren but no daughter of her own. Her love for me always seemed like a mother’s love. 

I used to have it planned to have a job working with people with “extra/special” needs. Diane knew that those kinds of jobs arent the easiest and not always pleasant. She worked at a hospital for a while. She told me one of her worst fears was that I would lose my patience, softness, warmth, kindness….if I had to encounter people who are not easy to deal with. She said she couldn’t bear to think of me changing. As I write this, my heart wells up with gratitude, love, warmth….someone who loved me so much, the real me, that she was terrified of me changing! To have a love like that is a blessing. Diane is no longer is this world and I still struggle so hard with my deep grief, even years later, but not once since losing her have I ever felt that I lost her love. I carry it with me always. Her love for me will survive as long as I do. And even longer since I have stories about her in my writing here. 

Diane wasn’t what people would probably describe as “warm” or “soft.” She was loud, assertive, sarcastic, outspoken. We knew when she was pissed, when she had a problem with us, when she was fed up, when she loved us; she did not hold back. On multiple occasions, she threatened to kick my ass. The very last word I heard her say before she was taken so suddenly, so unexpectedly, was “unfuckingbelievable.” She said this then slammed a window in my face. I still smile & laugh when I remember this. 

She cursed a lot and even yelled at people. But she was deeply compassionate, extremely generous, caring, loving…she cared for people with drug addiction, mental health problems, financial problems(which she struggled with herself). She always gave to others what she hardly had herself. She would go above & beyond to help people; even those who wouldn’t do the same for her.

 She never gossiped about others. If she had something to say, she said it right to our faces. She wasn’t always pleasant, though she often was. I did not always care for her sarcasm, especially when I first met her, many years ago. She did not have the patience I have. But I have always loved her (and still love her!) just how she was.

I love how she did not want me to be like her; she wanted me to be just how I am. Always. 

Since she died a couple years ago I have struggled to find ways to honor her life. I have a silver necklace with her name engraved, have performed acts of kindness in her memory, posted things about her…all which I find healing to some degree. But I have just kept having this inkling that there must be more. A more profound way to keep her memory, her love going. And I have longed for a deeper healing. 

Then as I was standing outside, contemplating a kind of revenge, giving into thoughts & emotions of anger, aggression, destruction….I thought of her and her worst fear. Her fear that I would let others drag me down to the point that I stop being kind, patient, loving, warm. And I made the decision right then and there that for her, I won’t give in. I won’t give into the temptation to seek revenge, to lash out, to say or do something unkind to someone for doing that to me. I would never become bitter & unkind completely but I can temporarily slip into those things.

There may be occasions in this life that I will be less patient, less kind, less warm, than I am, but I will let Diane’s love for me, wash over me and inspire me to let my love ultimately prevail. I choose to not let this difficult situation with these difficult people drag me so low that I act in destructive ways towards them or myself. 

What better way to honor Diane than to keep shining my own light, the light she was so afraid would be snuffed by difficult circumstances? I will keep shining, keep smiling, and keep trying to lift others along the way. ♡

 I would love to invite everyone to join me on my journey of love!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are. ♡ Hugs to you. ♡

Much love & light, always,

Xoxo Kim

Love. 

(this is me yesterday!) 

“It is possible to live twenty-four hours a day in a state of love. Every movement, every glance, every thought, and every word can be infused with love.”  ❤

Choose Love in every step, every breath, every heartbeat. Even if we do not feel loving every single moment we can still choose loving actions/intentions and eventually feel loving emotions more frequently & more deeply.

 😀 

There are so many ways to choose Love in each moment even if it’s as simple as not speaking if all we feel we have to say is something unkind. Hold that tongue! 😉

Love can be a feeling but also an action/verb/intention. 

If you want you can look at my Instagram accout: 0.eye.of.the.tiger.0

It’s the only social media accout I have been using recently. I post nothing but loving things (or sometimes funny things). My phone & kindle both have very low storage and do not work properly. I have to clear them. And my e-mail account has been too full and not working well. I have no facebook app because it stopped working and can’t send e-mails either. I tend to be very disorganized! lol I miss everyone and haven’t talked to anyone online (or even in person friends! except dogs!) for a while! I work seven days a week and love it!! Sometimes I’m very busy and sometimes not busy much at all but recently been very busy. I take care of animals so have no problem working seven days! For a while I worked 8:00am til after 10:00pm seven days a week! Last night I had an overnight stay with a dog. Working with sweet furbabies is the best!! ❤

I hope you are well and hope your day/night is full of love & light & beauty.

Much love,

xoxo Kim 

February 14th❤

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(Diane July 14th 1956 – February 14th, 2015)

I have never been one of those people who think Valentine’s day is too dumb to celebrate because it’s extra cheesy or because love should be celebrated everyday! Umm…duhhh! lol Of course love is something to be cherished each & every day but it’s not something we’re going to celebrate with gifts, restuarant reservations, surprises and all each & everyday, right?! That may be exhausting\taxing physically and\or financially. So what’s wrong with choosing one day to celebrate love, platonic or romantic, with gifts and all? Also, maybe it’s just a scam the candy companies & greeting card businesses pull just to get our money. Oh well, it can still be fun! I have also never been one of those girls who sit around dreading the holiday or crying because I’m single. I don’t care if I’m single and to me Valentine’s Day is about all kinds of love, not just romantic. And there’s always next year! 😉

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But I have also never been the biggest fan of v-day. I love holidays like Halloween & Christmas and Valentine’s day to me just always seemed bland next to those ones. My mom, sister, & me always bought each other gifts for the day for as long as I can remember. And my friends & me in school would buy each other roses & stuffed teddy bears & cute things like that. But I never really got completely into the holiday the way some do.

On February 14th, 2015 I lost my coworker who I was very close with, unexpectedly to a heart attack. She died at work that day. Just collapsed and died instantly. I wasn’t there that day. I took off work to go on a meditation retreat. I wasn’t there but I still can’t get the image out of my head. Collapsing & dying on the floor.

Not only did Diane die that day, Valentine’s day was one of her favorite holidays. She loved it! ❤

Losing Diane is one of the worst things I ever experienced in this life. It’s the greatest trauma of this life of mine. Even two years later I have occasions I feel as if I’m being suffocated, submerged under water, like I have to struggle just to breathe. It’s not always this bad. Often my grief is now calmer, quiet, still deeply painful, but easier to bear. But it flares up and reverts back to the raw grief that I can hardly bear. It throbs throughout my whole being like an abcessed tooth but worse. It’s so heavy and I sometimes find it hard to keep standing. Losing Diane feels like losing a limb; like part of my body ripped off. If I believed in a soul I would feel as if my soul is disfigured, slashed, burned, traumatic amputation of part of it. There have been so many occasions I felt if my pain were physical I would believe I was dying and need emergency medical attention. The way it throbs and cuts, there’s just no words. 

The love Diane has always shown to me is very similar to that of a mother’s love. Diane has three adult sons and grandchildren & great grandchildren, all who she was very close with. When she died she was 58 years old & I was 28 years old. She talked about me and bragged about me like I was her own daughter. Sometimes she would embarass me like a mom can embarass her children in public. Lol She would make me lunch some days and bring it to me and always gave me money even though she hardly had money herself and I would tell her not to. She would yell at me & scold me if she thought I was doing something not good for myself. She was always checking up on me. We had so much fun laughing and talking together day after day, year after year for almost a decade until we lost her.

My pain is mostly for her because she is no longer here and those of us shattered can move forward & find some sense of healing. Diane can never eat her favorite food, smile again, work again, experience happiness, sadness, love…but we can. The second main thing is my pain is for her children and family\friends outside of work who knew her better than I did. I knew her very well but of course not as well as her own sons and while it’s so extremely difficult for me I know some aspects are likely more difficult for them. And last, my pain is for me. She was snatched out of my world so suddenly without warning.  I used to feel as if I was going into a panic when I would think like this. My chest would tighten, my heart would race, my eyes would turn completely black but my years of practicing Buddhist meditation helped me with this before I would go into a fullblown panic.

Last year, February 14th was the first anniversary of my friend’s death. I had to work for ten hours straight with no break and wasn’t sure just how I would find the strength but somehow I did. I felt like we were losing Diane all over again. I felt the life drain right out of me. I was in a fog like when it happened a year before. I was pissed at the world. I was snippy with everyone. They got snippy back and none of us were in a good mood. This wasn’t just the actual day but the days leading up to the date.

I had no money and my mom suggested after work we try to find a store to buy an inexpensive gift for each other. I just did not have it in me. I couldn’t find any desire to do anything that had to do with Valentine’s day. It seemed so cruel that my poor Diane had to lose her life like this on a day she loved and now can never celebrate again ever. I would have died for Diane. 💔❤ If I knew her heart was going to stop I would have given her my own if it were possible.

Her son also said he could just never celebrate Valentine’s day again & hoped his future girlfriend would understand. But Diane’s other son, who never celebrated Valentine’s day, said he will now begin celebrating and suggested all who love her keep on celebrating or begin celebrating her holiday to honor her & help us cope with this tragic loss of ours. What a wonderful idea! A day that we can see as so terrible, let’s turn it around and make it wonderful. It’s the day Diane lost her life. But it’s not only that. It’s also a day full of hope & possibility for those of us still alive. A day of LOVE not just grief. Grief is like a form of love. But there’s other forms of love to focus on. Diane’s son found the strength to celebrate a year after his mom’s death but I still couldn’t muster it. I just tuned it all out in my head.

This year though, I am much stronger than I was last year. I am not completely recovered. It’s not a loss I will “get over.” But I am strong and this year I choose LOVE. Last year I couldn’t seem to find the strength & wisdom I have discovered since then and now know.

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This year I am going to celebrate Valentine’s day to honor my sweet Diane. I can still feel something inside my chest feeling like it’s physically breaking. Some moments I still feel as if I will physically collapse in my grief. Sometimes I still lay in bed late at night, my whole body wracked in grief & still in immense shock, I still have these overwhelming urges to scream her name, on rare occasions I am filled with fury and want to scream, but I have love, gratitude, sweet memories, happiness, joy, laughter, smiles, strength….more than anger & pain. Diane never had to come into my world and be my friend but our lives did cross and for that I am extremely happy & thankful.

Something about Diane: she was extremely compassionate. So loving. She was assertive, sarcastic, loud, mouthy, always cursing, but loving. She loved not only her own friends & family but strangers as well. She hardly had money & borrowed money a lot and if she found someone else who needed money she gave the money to that person. She borrowed money and I would tell her not to pay me back, that it’s ok but she insisted and always paid me back even though it was a struggle for her. She used to give me one dollar bills & five dollar bills for no reason just because she knew how little money I had myself. And whenever she paid me back the money she borrowed, she would pay me back one dollar here & there until it was all paid up. I always thought it was so cute & funny. Diane told me once that one of her worst fears in life was that I would lose my quiet, sweet, gentle way if I ever let the bitterness or problems of others get to me. She told me to always stay loving and gentle even with those who are difficult to deal with and in situations that are a struggle for me. She told me to never change and I never will.

So how will I celebrate this year? I want to help others. Diane is dead and there’s nothing I can do about it. My chest aches to write it but it’s the truth. Like Diane, I love people and love to help. And I know she would absolutely love what I’m going to do. She’ll never know it but that’s not the point. She won’t feel the love but that’s not the purpose. My purpose is to help & inspire others. And I will carry her love with me always. Even though I lost Diane and experience a tremendous sense of loss and agony, I have never once felt that I lost her love. She loved me. She told me so and showed me everyday. What I will do is buy those small Valentine’s Day cards that come in packs of like ten or twenty or whatever, like the ones I would give to all my friends when I was a little girl, and write love messages in them, not romantic love messages but universal ones that can apply to everyone. Inspiring quotes, words of encouragement, positive messages, comforting messages….and leave them in random places for random people to find. This is what I planned to do and is good enough but I was trying to think of something I can do to help others in a more practical way as well. Then I remembered Diane & her dollars.

The dollar tips she would give servers, the dollars she would give me on random occasions just because, the individual dollars she would pay me back after borrowing thirty dollars, the dollars she would leave around for me at work, the dollars she would give to people who were struggling….Diane and those dollars! Lol I smile so much thinking of it. And I instantly knew what I have to do. Put a dollar in each little love note I slip into all those random places!

This isn’t to brag about the good I will do. My pain is so great I wouldn’t brag anyway but in my grief I especially can’t even care about getting credit. It makes almost everything seem so trivial. This is to inspire others to turn your love around and do something for the goodness of others. It doesn’t have to be this. This is just my story. But it can be this if you want! I would love for others to be inspired & do this, even if it’s just one card & one dollar! Imagine how happy my sweet Diane would be if she could know that her life & death inspires this kindness. If you knew Diane you would love her! I’m sure of it. She was the kind of person everyone loves. ❤

Or you can put your own spin on this or do something completely different to honor someone or just to do good. I met one sweet girl who lost her mom in February to cancer and a year later on the anniversary, just like Diane’s son, she somehow found the strength to honor her mama. She got all her beautiful long blonde hair cut off and donated it to cancer survivors who lost their hair to chemo treatment. What a beautiful soul. What can you do to honor someone you love so deeply and lost so painfully? Or just to do good for no specific reason other than wanting to make the world a bit more beautiful?!😍😀❤ Please let me know in the comments if you want or write a post of your own! And remember it’s totally not about bragging or receiving credit but bringing consolation, hope, & inspiration to others while sharing our own stories. ❤

Please remember the anniversary of the death of the one you love so much isn’t just a messed up, tragic, terrible day; it’s a day you are still alive and you can make that day anything you want to make it. Maybe not right away and it may take practice and strength you never could have possibly imagined you can posses but it’s a day like any other, a day of hope, love, chances, possibilities. It’s up to us to make it beautiful. The beautiful may never completely obliterate the ugly but it can certainly come into the mix and make it even just a little bit better.

This is for any loss, human or animal. Pet loss is just as bad and I understand it well. I have loved & lost pets as long as I have been alive and find the death of a human a bit more traumatic but both are devastating. My grief for Diane isn’t healing as well as it could be but so much better than it was. I’m wishing you much love, light, healing, always. I hope you will be inspired to do something and go on to inspire others! ~Hugs & love~ I love you! 😍😀❤

xoxo Kim 

Belong.<3

“Learn to make people your own. They already belong to you. They come from the same soil and breathe the same air which you expel. You are connected – so much connected.” ❤ 

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WE are connected. ❤ We belong to each other. Not just humans. All sentient beings. We all have the same basic wish to avoid suffering and all gravitate toward pleasure, happiness, life…. 😀

 I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❤

xoxo Kim

For those who wish to cross the water….❤

“When you’re in that dark place and you need that embrace
You know love is never too far away.” ❤ 😀

(waterfront at penn’s landing – I took this photo a few weeks ago! What a breathtaking view!)

May I be like a guard for those who are protectorless,
A guide for those who journey on the road.
For those who wish to go across the water,
May I be a boat, a raft, a bridge.” ~ Shantideva ❤

 I love Shantideva & his compassionate life philosophy – to be all that we can for anyone we can, all sentient beings, humans & non humans, alike. Be present to listen when others talk, give whatever we can to those in need, feed stray & wild animals, rescue insects, put them in grass outside instead of killing them or letting them die if we can help it, be a friend to someone in need, include others into our groups, welcome strangers into our world, give directions if we can to those who are lost, do random acts of kindness….

 I have chosen to consciously live this way for so long but more now than ever do I realize the importance of choosing life and then dedicating that life to others. Recently I got a new job that is a very big responsibility and there is potential for big problems. It can be a lot of pressure sometimes but I love it! There have been a few occasions I needed help, made mistakes, have been very lost (both in location & just not knowing what to do). I have always had strong faith in the goodness of people and have always believed we are fundamentally good & so ready to do good, and I have been so deeply thankful for how many have come to my rescue and have been so kind and forgiving & understanding, both strangers & people I know. In just the few weeks I had this job I have encountered more rudeness (carried out by strangers) than in the decade I worked at a food serving store but that is nothing next to the love I have encountered. 

In May 2010, in the middle of a suicide attempt, I chose life & made the vow to myself to be all that I can be for myself and especially others and in June 2016 I took the Bodhisattva vows at the Buddhist Center, vowing to dedicate my whole life to loving others in any ways I can. To cherish others as well as myself but others first. This is the path I have chosen to walk and I am never going back. Of course I don’t always succeed at this. Sometimes I’m not as kind as I can be and do not do good. I struggle with severe depression off & on and still come close to killing myself some occasions. But I keep learning, keep living, keep getting back up & moving forward. 

And I don’t negatively judge those who choose a different path and do not do these things I suggest. It’s up to each of us to choose how to live. And choosing Love even just once in a blue moon is better than never! My love goes out even to those who do not send love to me. ❤

My new job provides me with a multitude of opportunities to encounter ordinary angels & to be one. But it’s not the job that gives me the ultimate opportunity to Love; it’s being alive. We can be homeless & jobless & moneyless and still serve others. Just a smile, a hug, a helping hand, a friendly hello, a warm glance, a listening ear….can do wonders for someone. Maybe even save a life.

Unleash that inner super(wo)man! 😍

“It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life ohh save a life
Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels” ❤😀

Ordinary Angels – Craig Morgan – mobile

Ordinary Angels – Craig Morgan – desktop

Much love & light to you, always & forever. ❤
 xoxo Kim