Tag Archive | lgbtq

Marilyn’s Diary πŸ’œ



(This is a pic I took of a picture of Marilyn Monroe and I edited my pic with glitch apps – Glitch photography is my favorite hobby!)

“Sex is a baffling thing when it doesn’t happen. I used to wake up in the morning, when I was married, and wonder if the whole world was crazy, whooping about sex all the time. It was like hearing all the time that stove polish was the greatest invention on Earth.
Then it dawned on me that people – other women – were different than me. They could feel things I couldn’t. And when I started reading books I ran into the words ‘frigid,’ ‘rejected,’ and ‘lesbian.’ I wondered if I was all three of those things.

A man who had kissed me once had said it was very possible I was a lesbian because I apparently had no response to males — meaning him. I didn’t contradict him because I didn’t know what I was. There were times even when I didn’t feel human and times when all I could think of was dying. There was also the sinister fact that a well-made woman had always thrilled me to look at.”

“Why I was a siren, I hadn’t the faintest idea. There were no thoughts of sex in my head. I didn’t want to be kissed, and I didn’t dream of being seduced by a duke or a movie star. The truth was that with all my lipstick and mascara and precarious curves, I was unsensual as a fossil. But I seemed to affect people quite otherwise.”

“I have noticed since that men usually leave married women alone, and are inclined to treat all wives with respect. This is no great credit to married women. Men are always ready to respect anything that bores them. The reason most wives, even pretty ones, wear such a dull look is because they’re respected so much.
Maybe it was my fault that the men in the factory tried to date me and buy me drinks. I didn’t feel like a married woman. I was completely faithful to my overseas husband, but that wasn’t because I loved him or even because I had moral ideas. My fidelity was due to my lack of interest in sex.”

I love, love, LOVE these quotes attributed to Marilyn Monroe! Said to be found in a journal of hers that no one knew about. There is some debate about whether she was a homosexual woman or maybe an asexual woman. (Asexual meaning a person who experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone of any gender- It’s an orientation[an uncommon one] like heterosexuality or homosexuality, for example, and common for asexual people to have no sex drive and not like/want sexual activity, and there are also asexual people who do like/want sexual activity and have a sex drive, just not directed at anyone in particular – They are called sex favorable asexuals, aces who don’t care about sexual activity either way, can go happily forever without it but may accept an offer, are called sex indifferent, and aces who will not try sexual activity or try it and are repulsed and don’t want it ever are called sex repulsed asexuals – all of these are equally asexual and equally valid – It is a destructive misconception that asexuality means wanting no sex – it means experiencing sexual attraction much less frequently than the average person, some experience it not at all and not all but most aces grow up asexual. Very common for aces to not want sexual activity at all ever but also ones who love it or engage in it for other purposes- There are asexual sex workers and promiscuous asexual people and I support them all!).

An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction – they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or better; we just face a different set of needs and challenges than most sexual people do. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community in the needs and experiences often associated with sexuality including relationships, attraction, and arousal.Asexuality.org

Ironically Marilyn was viewed as a sex symbol, very sexy, and very sexual and believed to be very into men. (And there is nothing wrong with a woman being very sexual and into men and being promiscuous and expressing her sexuality! It’s a great way to be! I support all women and women freely expressing their sexuality how they please. πŸ’œ) But according to some of the things said to be written in her journal, she wasn’t into men at all. People assume that because a woman dresses and carries herself a certain way, it’s automatically for men or automatically sexual. But believe it or not, some women love and are sexually attracted to other women. And some don’t love anyone that way and/or are attracted to no one and are not sexual beings at all(some who are on the asexual spectrum and the aromantic spectrum[little to no romantic attraction to anyone of any gender]).

And many women dress how we do for our own selves! I know, shocking, right?! Everything we do doesn’t revolve around men and/or sex. Sorry. Not sorry. But it’s twisted how society is so sex crazed and heterosexist/heteronormative and projects it onto us all. It’s a perversion. People sexualize little girls who wear leggins and short shirts/gymnastics clothing and that is repulsive. Little girls dress like that because they like it and the clothes are comfy and cute. Anyone who says otherwise is perverted and sexualizing them. And they do this to us at every age. Nothing wrong with an age appropriate woman dressing to express her sexuality but not all who dress a certain way are!

It’s hard to tell if her attraction to women was purely aesthetic or sexual. Aesthetic attraction is loving to look at someone because of how the person looks. Some people are homoaesthetic and love to check out people of their own gender but there is no desire to touch or have any kind of sexual contact with them. It’s like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or flowers….Often sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction go together but some developed the aesthetic attraction without the sexual aspect. Homosexual women, for example, are usually inherently homoaesthetic (love to look at/check out other women) but ace girls and straight girls can be too. And it’s possible for a homosexual woman to prefer looking at men than women. So heteroaesthetic. Or possibly bi/panaesthetic if they love looking at men and women and/or people of other genders. This is true for any genders. I’m using women as an example because I’m a woman myself. But men can love looking at other men whether or not they are sexually attracted to them. And homosexual men can love looking at women. Some even love boobs. Lol

To me this sounds more like she was asexual with no sex drive (not a disorder, just another way to be – usually no or low sex drive is the result of a dysfunction or illness or is a dysfunction but in the case of Asexual people, it’s not and is part of being asexual for that person, same with sex repulsion; if someone is sex repulsed that may be the result of trauma or a negative experience or unhealthy upbringing/religious views but when asexual people are sex repulsed, it’s usually just part of being asexual for that person; not all asexual people are sex repulsed though) but she very well could have been homosexual but since she grew up in a heterosexist/heteronormative society and believed she was supposed to like men, never even realized that there was another possibility for her – being attracted to women. So she mistook her lack of interest in men as a lack of interest in sexual activity itself or completely.

As little girls, we are constantly told we like boys or will grow up liking boys/men. By everyone, friends, parents, teachers, family members, the media, boys/men…even today, little girls are still expected to grow up and marry or “end up with” a man. We are automatically asked “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?” “Who/when was your first boyfriend/kiss/crush?” As if we necessarily must have had a kiss or want one or have had a crush(some people don’t have crushes or fall in love romantically and are called aromantic – some aros do rarely have crushes or fall in love and some never do) or as if women by default love men and love sexual activity with men. And are met with shock, surprise, confusion, sometimes outright denial or insults if we say never, or that we’re not into that, or are same-sex/gender oriented. Yes, even in 2020, some people cannot handle diversity, homosexuality, or anything other than cis heterosexuality. Many women who are not into men, sexually/romantically, force themselves into relationships/encounters with men just to appear or “be normal.” And some are confused and genuinely believe for a while that they must be hetero/straight since it’s programed into us since birth that we like boys/men. Some women don’t realize til much later that they never liked men that way. (Of course, some women who aren’t attracted to men engage in sexual activity with men because they genuinely want to for any reason and that is ok! No one says we have to be attracted to someone to engage in sexual activity with them. I’m referring to those who force it or are confused into it.)

Men send us “dick pics” without even knowing if we like men or male assigned sex organs, assuming we do or that if we don’t, they can “fix” us, straighten us out.

(This post isn’t about what some men do to women[and some women also do things to men that is wrong]; that’s just an example; this post is about a larger issue of what society does to people who are not heterosexual/straight/cis, particularly women since Marilyn is a woman and so am I)

It’s not unheard of for a homosexual or asexual woman to hear “I can turn you straight.” Cishet women are not invalidated this way. No one expects her to turn homo or ace the way they expect & or hope an ace woman or homosexual woman will turn straight. Heterosexuality is validated just by its existence and prevalence. Cishet girls and women don’t have to feel emotionally coerced into sexual activity and romantic relationships with other women and have their identities invalidated by society, friends, family, everyone. (Though, tragically, many, if not most, heterosexual women ARE emotionally [and even physically forced] coerced into sexual activity with men, often boyfriends/husbands/dates/romantic interests…and this is a serious problem that is also not ok and very destructive to the women it happens to – It’s just as bad as being assaulted by a stranger out on a street and it’s much more common and often “normalized,” which is absolutely wrong)

Society doesn’t give us the possibility of growing up liking girls or not liking anyone that way or just wanting to be single no matter who we are attracted to or not attracted to. When we’re perpetually single, we’re constantly nagged about why and having people incessantly trying to set us up on dates or for romantic relationships as if we aren’t worthy or whole on our own, as if we’re a pathetic existence to be pitied by everyone around us and society as a whole. We see/hear the jokes and ridicule towards people who aren’t “getting any,” are “still single,” and “need to get laid.”

Women often hear: “You need to get yourself a man/a good man.”

Any so called flaw we may display, we are met with “No wonder you’re still single,” as if single is inherently wrong or bad.

Homophobia is much less common now, thankfully! Society (at least U.S. society) is very accepting of homosexuality now; many are even appalled by homophobia. There are many cishet allies who speak out against homophobia. It is still around, for sure, but much less common.

But we still have a serious issue with heteronormativity or heterosexism, assuming that everyone is straight, straight by default, ignoring lgbt identities and couples….this is destructive to lgbt and asexual youth and adults.

How many of us have had a little friend who is a boy when we were little and have a teacher or neighbor say “aww you have a little boyfriend?” That may seem innocent enough but it’s not so innocent when we already know we aren’t into boys. How many women, no matter our orientation, have been close friends or casual acquaintances with a man, one hundred percent purely platonic and have people “suspicious” that we’re actually together or interested romantically/sexually in each other or people straight up tell us they “know” we’re “seeing” or screwing each other whether we say so or not? And flat out tell us we’re lying when we say he’s a friend. Or right away when we are with a man “Is that your boyfriend?” But when we’re with a girl, no one asks “Is that your girlfriend?”

Very invalidating to platonic friendships which are just as beautiful as romantic ones.

And very invalidating & destructive to women who aren’t even into men that way. There is a suffocating sense of exclusion, of being invisible for many of those who turn out not cishet or straight, adults and youth alike.

Women & girls are incessantly demanded in medical settings to get pregnancy tests without being questioned to see if it’s necessary and are not believed/are invalidated if we explain that it’s not. Cis Heterosexuality is inherently favored just to be “on the safe side.” Most women are cis heterosexual. There are also bisexual & pansexual women who are sexually attracted to men. And some homosexual & asexual women do engage in sexual activity with men for various reasons(which is completely ok if they freely choose it). So in medical settings it’s safest to force or demand a pregnancy test(& other tests that may not be very necessary for certain asexual women – the pap test and hpv or other sti test that is centered primarily around sexual contact – It’s like an obsession that ignores ace women who are & have always been & always will be celibate & have no gyn issues or symptoms of anything – trying to force an allo identity onto someone or some aspect of another identity that doesn’t apply). It’s invalidating and erases the identities of homosexual & asexual women (or any woman in a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship with another woman) who don’t engage in sexual activity with men, possibly never have, and have no intention to. If we tell them there is no way we can have an sti(in the case of a celibate asexual person) or be pregnant (in the case of an asexual or homosexual woman who does not engage in sexual activity with men), they sometimes have the nerve to tell us that there is no way we can be sure. As if there is no such thing as a virgin, a celibate person, or a lesbian, or other woman who hasn’t engaged in sexual activity with men recently or at all (bi or pan women in relationships with other women, for example).
It may be safest and necessary overall but that doesn’t take away the pain of being erased in favor of another identity. Just one of the challenges growing up as an identity that isn’t cishet. Some aspects are no one’s fault but that doesn’t erase the pain, the sense of exclusion, the loneliness sometimes accompanied by being different than the average person in a seemingly significant way.

Allosexuality/Heterosexuality is automatically forced upon us all. And for most people, this is not painful or invalidating or erasure. It’s not exclusion to them and not suffocating because they are heterosexual (or allosexual, which is anyone who is not asexual so this includes cishets and lgbt people – it means people who experience sexual attraction, which is almost everyone, 99 percent of people) and don’t give it a second thought.

It’s invalidating. And anxiety provoking. It “confirms” that we’re not “right.” It erases our identity and tries to force another one upon us. One that is unnatural to us, foreign, one that makes no sense.

And when we don’t fit this mold or “one size fits all,” we grow up confused, repressing, mortified, scared, maybe even suicidal.

Yes, heterosexism/heteronormativity can contribute to depression, anxiety, & suicidal tendencies in some of those who are not hetero/straight. It’s erasure, societal abuse, invalidation. And in the case of asexuality, it’s not exactly anyone’s fault as no one really knows asexual people exist. Asexual people do not even know asexual people exist and grow up utterly confused, mortified, many feeling broken. But I suspect even if most people did know, they would still ignore, exclude, and invalidate asexual people as they do homosexual people. Everyone knows homosexual women exist. Yet every woman gets asked “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?” Or gets sent a dick pic or is demanded to take a pregnancy test during medical checkups, or asked out by men without being asked if she even likes men that way. Or just gets any remarks made, questions asked that assumes she loves men or sex with men.

I think Marilyn was all of these things, anxious, depressed, suicidal…at different points.

But whatever her experience, it seems like Miss Marilyn was very misunderstood. I can strongly relate to her in some ways. One thing I love about Marilyn Monroe is how it seems like every one of us or so many can see some part of our own self in her, no matter our background or experiences. Some relate to her through experience with physical illness, some through psychiatric illness, some through shared experiences with sexuality, some through similar experiences with abuse or body image or self love…or any other thing. It’s like there’s something in her for all of us, something that speaks to us in a way that only the two of us can understand, something unique to us but completely understood by her, like she lovingly holds up a shattered mirror and there’s a jagged piece for each one of us, holding us in its knowing reflection.


If anyone reads this, thanks for reading!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! 😁

Xoxo Kim πŸ’œ

Perfection πŸ’œ

I’m Beautiful – Bette Midler

“Well, I woke up one morning
Flossed my teeth and decided
‘Damn, I’m fierce!'”

There’s a movie I watched recently, called, “A Perfect Ending.” It’s about a wife who is not in a happy marriage with her husband. They were never truly happy together and she never felt passion in their relationship.
There are lots of sexual scenes in this movie, just in case anyone (sex repulsed asexuals, for example) needs a content warning. And some of the scenes seem to involve BDSM(very brief and hazy scenes if I remember correctly). There is nothing wrong with this; it’s all consenting adults. But anyone who has been traumatized in any way may be triggered by any scene that appears to be an assault scene even if it’s not. For anyone who doesn’t know, BDSM(Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism, Dominance, Submission ?) , is an activity that some people like to do where they tie each other up or one ties the other up, and scream and stuff, hitting and strangling may be involved, usually for sexual purposes, but some people like to leave the sexual aspect out and just hit/strangle each other and stuff(or one hits/strangles the other) just for thrills without the sexual aspect. lol It’s all consensual so it’s all good! If I was going to do that, I would leave the sexual out of it. lol They may be couples or groups of people involved. They can be any genders. If I was going to try it, I would choose a woman to be dominant over me. I could never hit her or strangle her even if she wanted it. I don’t have it in me. I don’t want to be hit either though. Or choked to death. lol But I would take it before I would dish it out. They have a safe word that gets the dominant person to stop the strangling and stuff. It’s something that is not “No, stop, don’t” because they scream those words to make it feel real. So when they really want someone to stop, they have a word they say. I don’t know much about BDSM at all, just a very limited idea. People into BDSM are just ordinary people with a kink; any kind of person can be into it.

Hopefully, I am not saying anything disrespectful or completely inaccurate since I am not very educated on the topic.

Some people get a thrill out of inflicting pain upon a consenting adult or being the target of pain inflicted by someone else. Like I said, nothing wrong with it; whatever floats your boat as long as it’s all consensual and adults. But someone who has actually been assaulted before or experienced any kind of trauma may be triggered seeing someone tied up and screaming even if the people like it and are consenting. Our brain can’t tell the difference. And it does look scary.

Anyway, this movie is not about that at all. There is just like one or two very brief scenes I think, involving it. So just a heads up!

And there is one scene I don’t understand. It is a flashback or memory that looks like an actual assault scene(not real, of course, but real in the movie, not BDSM) , just in case anyone needs a trigger warning.

The movie also involves terminal illness. When I struggled with health anxiety for six months in 2019, I could not watch movies involving cancer. My health anxiety started out as a horrific irrational (irrational because I obsessed almost every second of every day for six months and had no true reason to believe I was sick) fear of melanoma then turned to fear of all cancer in general. Someone in the movie has terminal cancer and dies at the end. It is made clear in the beginning that someone is sick and is running out of options but we do not know who until the end. We just hear a doctor talking and see pill bottles and a cemetery stone and a casket with flowers in different scenes. We also see a paper saying someone has malignant melanoma that has metastatized(sp?? I dont care to look up the spelling) and is inoperable.

I won’t give away any very big spoilers but if anyone wants to watch without knowing anymore details, skip this post for now!

Mini spoiler warning
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The wife, who is very rich, financially, mentions to her friends that she is not and has never really been in love with her husband of many years. She only married him because she was a single mom of a toddler and wanted security. She mentions that she wants passion like they have in their relationship and sexual pleasure, which she has never experienced. So they suggest that she gets a callgirl and hooks up with her. They think maybe she needs a woman; they are certain that women are better lovers than men. lol (I wouldn’t know but sure they are right! 🀣😁)

(Also, I know not everyone is either a man or a woman – there are some who are non-binary or a combination of male, female, or other…In the movie they were talking about men & women though so that is why I only mentioned them. I’m not excluding anyone)

So she gets involved with a much younger and stunningly beautiful callgirl. At first it’s meant to be strictly bussiness. The woman pays the other woman for sexual pleasure and the other woman gladly accepts the money. But they soon fall madly in love with each other and it’s no longer about business. The callgirl, Paris, quits taking on other clients and wants to stay with this one woman, whose husband has no idea she is cheating. Her husband has never tried to make her feel loved and cares much about appearance and perfection. The wife has felt very insecure for years.

The younger woman, Paris, is very loving and wise.
There is a scene where the two women are laying in bed together and the young woman is stroking the older woman’s skin. She reaches for her stomach and Rebecca, the other woman, stops her.
This is a brief and beautiful conversation they have during this scene, packed with wisdom.
Rebecca: “Don’t; I hate my stomach. I haven’t been to the gym in way too long. I used to have a pretty good body before kids and menopause. I never looked like you though. Wow.
Paris: (Referring to her own physical beauty) This, this doesn’t mean anything. Rebecca.
Rebecca: I hate that I did this. (I think she’s referring to a body modification, maybe implants, but not sure)
Paris: Why did you?
Rebecca: It was a birthday present from Mason. He loves perfection. It’s sort of the one thing we have in common. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be perfect. I never felt good enough, or thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough.
Paris: All of the things that make us not perfect are what make us so perfectly who we are. That’s who you are, Rebecca. Perfection.

Isn’t this beautiful? A great reminder to us all!

It’s a sweet & beautiful love story if you ignore the fact that she’s cheating on her husband. lol Not that this makes it ok but her husband is not the best; he’s not very loving to her; their marriage is stagnant, and worst of all, he does not think of or treat her daughter as his own even though he brought her up since she was a baby. He only regards the younger brothers as his since they are biologically his. I would leave him just for that. If someone is important to us, I believe their kids should be too. If I have a friend with kids, I love her kids automatically. Also, I don’t have much experience with human children but I cannot imagine bringing up a child and not loving the child like my own and regarding the child like my own. I’m a pet nanny and I love all the furballs like my own n they are not mine in any way at all.

I love the character, Paris, the callgirl. She’s intelligent and wise and sexy and confident. She’s also compassionate. She experienced something traumatic and devastating, previously. Some may have a serious issue with her since a married woman is cheating on her husband with Paris and Paris knows she is married. But if you can forget that little detail, you may just fall in love with her. lol 😍

Whenever I watch a movie that is especially packed with wisdom or has a scene in it with a wise or beautiful message, I love to share!
So the message here is we are all beautiful, especially because of our flaws and perfect because of our imperfections. And while the physical beauty of a person is pleasing, it is not important and actually means nothing.

This does not mean not to get all dolled up or cosmetic surgery if we want and not take pleasure in someone else’s or our own beauty, just that there are more important aspects of a person. Of course beauty, hair, makeup salons are all good! I love looking at beautiful women and I follow many fashion and makeup accounts! But I know a good personality, a loving heart, is more pleasing than a pretty face or banging body. Also, more potential to be longer lasting.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❀

Xoxo Kim