Tag Archive | life

My big balls 😂😆

Lol For my August post, I’m sharing this social media post of mine a couple weeks ago. 😆

Content warning: tasteless humor 😆

My mom was walking by me in the kitchen and I began singing “My balls are always bouncing to the left and to the right; it’s my belief that my big balls should be held every night.”

And my mom yelled “Omg, that’s just godawful!!” 😂😭

I knew she would have some reaction like that.

She’s a prude lol

The reason I thought to sing this is, I was recently out walking in extra skintight leggins’ (I looked really good in them, I must say! So I wore them two days in a row, and that was a mistake!) in the heat, and the heat and friction gave me very painful welt things on my inner thighs, and they were so big they felt like they were hanging and reminded me of balls hanging. LoL Neosporin took care of it.

It reminded me of one day when my little sister was in middle school, many years ago, and for a homework assignment, she had to choose a song to write about, and my mom asked if I had any ideas, and I said yeah and said she should use the song popularly known as “Discovery Channel,” now called “The Bad Touch.” Discovery Channel doesn’t sound all that bad, does it? My mom said ok and asked to hear the lyrics and I began singing “Put your hands down my pants and I’ll bet you’ll feel nuts.” My mom was horrified and yelled “Get the hell out of here!!”

I have been called a pig/perv/unladylike…and told “You should have been a guy/must have been a guy in another life” because of my sense of humor. LoL

(this picture has no filter {just a blurry background} lol I’m really this orange because of the sun. I work outside. I did increase the saturation a bit to try to showcase the green of my new lingerie top because it looks a bit black in the photo{I have a black set too!}, so it made me appear even more orange 🍊)

😆😆😆

Good day or night wherever in the world you are! 😁

Xoxo Kim ❤️

Amber 🖤 {a poem – inspired by my true experience}

This photo above is my glitch art. I made it myself. It’s created with a tool called pixel sorting or processing. I thought it seems fitting for the dark poem ahead. 😁

And when I say dark, I do mean dark. LoL 😆

(In my last post, somewhat recently, I mentioned that I was going to share my experience with love & rejection as my next post. I’m still going to share that soon, but it’s not done yet. It’s complete but needs editing and stuff. It’s super long and detailed, and just needs more time. But I want to share this now.)

This is an old poem I wrote, inspired by my true experiences. I wrote it around fifteen years ago. I have always loved poetic writing, just for myself. I never shared much of it, just once in a while on an old blog or something. Once in a blue moon, I get in the mood to write creative/poetic things. I had so many through the years and lost most of them when my old phones crashed that I had them saved on. I prefer writing and saving on phones/electronic devices than notebooks. When I see they are breaking, I quickly save as much as I can. I guess I need a better system!

Losing years and years of my work was devastating. It triggered a depressive episode. After the depressive episode ended, I still couldn’t bring myself to think about writing new stuff after all the old stuff got lost. I have written more recent stuff after a while. It wasn’t necessarily good, and wasn’t for publishing or anything, but it was work I was happy to have for myself, things inspired by my real experiences.

This poem is one of the very few surviving old ones.

Content warning ⚠️: dark poetry – mental health issues

I mostly only like writing dark/serious poetry, and that is my favorite kind to read. I love happy, cheerful stuff in general, but artistic stuff and poetry, I love dark/creepy the best, usually.


This poem is called Amber.

It is dark and disturbing, heavy content, not everyone’s style.

Here goes!

I hear her loud screams
Through the night
As the walls shake
To the sound
That reverberates
Through severed veins
Managed to be sewn
Back together
After fountains of scarlet
Pouring out
Like red wine
Tainting everything it touches

My room is almost empty
The girl who was beside me
Night after night
Has been taken away
Her clothes and things
Packed up and moved
To another place
Her arms and legs
Now in thick metal shackles
To match the invisible ones
Chaining her
To some secret hell
No one else can touch

Now I am left alone
With Amber’s psychotic
Ramblings
And violent screams
That echo through me
Like broken galaxies
Lost in the endless darkness
Of space
They stick needles into her arms
While she protests
Violently kicking and thrashing
Convulsing
She is dragged to the quiet room
Just across the hall
Where she is alone
And drifts into a deep, dark sleep
But not for long
Soon enough
She is awake
With her hysterical sobs
And her dark fears
The voices scream at her
Inside her head
I hear them too
I can feel them pulsing
Through my own body
Malicious
Demanding
Persecuting
As I sit on the edge of my bed
And stare up at the white ceiling
And blank walls
Wondering
How this place got so large
It seems to expand before my eyes
Limitless spaciousness
The vastness is almost unbearable
Making me dizzy
As the voices grow louder
More threatening
As they bounce off the walls
And back
But they all pretend they can’t hear
All they hear are her agonized screams
Through the night
That pound through my head
Her dark hair
Messy and scraggly
Her eyes filled
With dark horror
As she claws at her own face

Somewhere I know
There is a girl
Deep within her
Buried
Beneath layers and layers
Of pain, despair, fear
And screaming voices
A girl who needs and yearns
And loves
But the strange voices
Drown out her own voice
Quiet it
Until it almost seems not to exist
But I feel her
Deep within me
Her light
Dim and flickering
But still present
The doctors and nurses
And the technicians
Come into my room
Again and again
Telling me to turn off the light
Get to sleep
To forget about Amber
But the voices
Won’t let me sleep
Amber’s voices
Clash with my own
And become a choir
Of haunting screams
Something deep within me
Implodes
Like empty rooms
With walls
Closing in
Suddenly, this place
Isn’t so large anymore
It’s small and stuffy
Claustrophobic
My walls close in
And my breath quickens
Along with my pulse
Fear paralyzes me
And I can’t scream
But her screams
Still blast through me
Like the moon exploding
In a dark sky
And I get cut
On the hot celestial shards
My skin bleeds
And my heart pounds
And I am dragged away
Into a deep, dark place
Where there is nothing
But loud
Agonizing
Screams
And voices
That never sleep
Echoing all
Throughout a night
That never seems to end

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

If you have any creative writing of your own you would like to share in the comments, be my guest! 😁

Xoxo Kim ♥️

List of Happy on the last day of May! 🌸❤️

Processed with VSCO with preset

This is me in March 2020. I was super super happy (I’m happy in general when my depression isn’t flaring but sometimes I am in an especially joyful mood and was here 😁). You can see it all over my face! LoL

Anyway, here is my current list of Happy!

1.) My job! It’s very fulfilling and fun and joyful! I’m a pet nanny! 🐾😻🐶

2.) Iced green tea 🍵 matcha lattes! I love them and have been drinking them everyday. 💚

3.) My body/health. It’s beautiful and energetic and holds me well. It allows me to do everything I want to do and recovers so quickly. I rarely get sick and when I get cut, my cuts heal super quickly. When I contracted the plague in 2020, I never even knew it because I never got sick! (I did thoroughly lose my taste/smell for two months, thought I had nerve damage) I only found out donating blood! The Red Cross told me I have the antibodies. I have a wicked immune system. I’m not thankful for not getting sick then (I was out in public walking around not knowing, though did not go near anyone and always had a mask on) but just goes to show how great my body is.

4.) My photography/glitch art hobby – It brings me joy and I’m good at it!

5.) My online friends! ❤️ Sometimes online friends are better than the in person ones(not that I currently have in person friends but hope to soon!).

6.) Movies! I love horror and comedies and especially love falling asleep watching horror ones!

7.) Acts of kindness 💜

8.) Philadelphia – My true love 💙 I just love walking its streets all day & night. 🌆 🏙️

9.) Oldies music! ❤️ The main music I listen to!

10.) My ability to experience compassion and sadness for others no matter how old it gets. I keep seeing people seeing they are too numbed by the violence all around us to care anymore. Sometimes that happens to me when I am severely depressed and especially when also extremely overworked along with it. Depression can burn out all our emotions when it’s extremely severe (it’s nothing at all to do with being a bad or uncaring person, can happen to anyone) but in general I can experience compassion and empathy and sadness and happiness for others.

11.) The birdsong on Spring & Summer nights. I can hear it now! 💕 Beautiful!

12.) That beautiful tender loving feeling when a depressive episode or wave is gradually lifting. I have always said that it’s almost worth it to be so sick because the feeling of it lifting is so beautiful and amazing. And I don’t use the word “amazing” loosely. ❤️

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are and remember to look for the good even in the darkness. 🖤

Xoxo Kim ❤️💕

Spring 🌼🌻🌸

This is an Instagram post of mine I’m sharing here!

“Spring offers us an intimate experience of paradox. Colorful new growth emerges to inspire us, seeming to flourish only in conditions which we begrudge: pummeling rain, persistently cool temps, buffeting winds. Our longing for relentless sunshine and warmth would abbreviate the glory of spring to a mere few days, not the season of slowly unfurling beauty we love to savor.

Life is predictably unpredictable, yet assuredly filled with what we will welcome and what we will shun. And it is in this mix of conditions and great mystery that we are made wiser, whole, and who we are. It is in both the roadblocks and open road. The storms and the clear skies. The moments we suffer and survive, and the moments we sparkle.” (Gratefulness.org)

This picture looks so Wintery. I’m walking around trying to get Springy pics and Spring them up even more, increasing the warmth and looking for filters that play up the summery/spring vibes but there are so so many bare trees around still and an unseasonably grey chill in the air each day. I took this picture today and it has strong Winter vibes. I was trying to think of how I can make it look more like Spring then came to the conclusion that it can’t be done; it is what it is and decided to roll with it and exaggerate the Winter vibes instead, deceasing the warmth and increasing the tint and going easy on the saturation so the blue stays a bit on the duller side instead of the bright blue of Spring/Summer. So here it is! Spring, just like life itself, is a beautiful mix of a little bit of everything, grey and color, hot, cold, beautiful, painful, snow, rain and shine…

It’s Spring where I am! I hope you are having a beautiful day wherever in the world you are! 🌸🌻🌼

Xoxo Kim

Terminus {a novel} ❤️

This is a picture I made. It’s a pic of a real cemetery near where I live and I edited it to make it extra creepy. Those are real cemetery stones! It was taken in the daylight and I made it look like night. The apparitions are not real. 🤣

There’s a novel called, “Terminus,” about an angel who falls in love with a human, which is forbidden, according to the spiritual world. He would have to give up being an angel and become human to stay with her, which they don’t encourage in his realm. He meets her in an operating room when her little girl dies on the operating table. He knows the child is going to die and has to show up just before, to escort her soul to the afterlife when it leaves her body. No one in the operating room can see him or knows he’s there except the little girl after her body dies. He stands there as the doctors are working to keep her alive. He sees the crying woman at her daughter’s side and falls in love with her instantly. This is what he thinks when he sees the woman:

“The auburn hair falling over emerald eyes shimmering with tears made her look achingly beautiful.”

He makes the mistake of touching her(it’s a loving, spiritual thing, not a pervy thing lol). She doesn’t understand exactly what happened but she’s suddenly & momentarily filled with joy at the touch of an angel. Then later she meets him again in his human form when she’s s*icidal and recognizes him even though she did not see him in that operating room. The love story is only part of the whole book; it’s a mystery thriller where a few people’s lives are all connected somehow and something big & bad is going to happen if the angel doesn’t stop it. The angel doesn’t know what is going to happen, just that something is, and the woman he’s in love with is meant to die for the greater good but he doesn’t want her to and instead of aiding in her death like he’s meant to, he keeps intervening and saving her life, which is against the rules in his spiritual realm.

Anyway, I want to share a scene in the book I love!

Matthew is a little boy and Riley is his puppy. His puppy gets hit by a car and is dying and the angel, Nick, witnesses and heals the puppy instantly, even though he’s not really allowed. Angels have healing power but are only allowed to use it under certain circumstances. The angel, Nikolai or Nick, is very human-like.

“Matthew fell to his knees, crying. Riley had been hit and was gasping her final breaths—something Nick was all too familiar with. Matthew looked at his puppy, his face all tears and dirt and heart-wrenching despair. ‘I’m sorry, Riley! This is all my fault!’

‘It’s not, Matthew. Not your—’

‘I let her out without me. Oh, Riley…Riley, please don’t die!’ He turned back to Nick. ‘I messed up—I always mess up! That’s why Mommy and Daddy don’t want me.’

‘That’s not true!’

Nick made up his mind. The laws about unassigned healings couldn’t be so inane as to apply to animals. And if they did, he didn’t care. He knelt down and placed his hands around Riley’s head. His entire body tingled with a pulsating light that started from his heart and radiated to his fingertips, which glowed as he pressed them gently against the puppy’s furry brow. He shut his eyes. Connected with Riley’s soul. It surprised him, how deep was the love a puppy felt for her master, how intense the memories. But there they were, strong as any human’s if not stronger. He had to take care not to send too much light into so young a puppy. A tear slid down Nick’s cheek. Joy and sadness.

‘Get up, Riley,’ he whispered. The light left him. The puppy’s breathing returned to normal, and she lifted her head.

‘Riley?’ Matthew’s face was alight with joy and wonder. ‘Riley!’ She rolled to her feet and let out a happy bark. Tail wagging furiously, she leapt into Matthew’s arms and proceeded to bathe his face with puppy kisses. Matthew finally managed to lower her enough to look up at Nick.

‘Wow, mister! That was awesome!’

‘Be careful crossing the street, okay?’

‘Thanks for fixing up Riley. She’s good as new.'” ❤️

Xoxo Kim

Soft touch ❤️💋

This is my Instagram post a few weeks ago in case anyone is interested in a skincare product that makes the skin super soft! Dermatologist recommended! 😍💙 I deleted some old pics out of media library here to fit these new pics of me taken a few weeks ago! 😁

Cetaphil. I strongly recommend anyone looking for a skincare product to soften skin, to try this. It may not work for everyone the way it works for me but definitely give it a try. I am HEAVENLY to touch. I have very sensitive skin n am out all day all year long in extreme heat n cold. I have been looking for something to keep my skin soft and lovely n found it! Nothing else works like this! Whenever I touch my skin, even by accident very briefly throughout the day, it sends bolts of sensual pleasure through me.(not sexual 🤣). Like ecstasy. It is amazing!! My whole body is soft and smooth. Works best when I put it all over my body while it’s wet just after getting out of a shower in the evenings. Not dripping wet but still wet. I let myself air dry a bit then rub it all over me everywhere while I’m still all wet. Works wonders. Also put it on in the morning when I wake up. This lotion alone does not work as well for my face. So for my face, I clean it with witch hazel of any kind then when it dries, put the lotion on. I have charcoal too for my face n some other stuff I haven’t made a routine yet but will. My face is most exposed to the sun n I haven’t worn sunblock almost at all for five years out in the sun over ten hours a day, seven days. Melanoma just waiting to happen but hopefully not! I always forget! This isn’t sponsored or paid ad or anything, just trying to help anyone looking for a skincare product! It took me a while. Even if I skip a day(usually try not to), my skin stays extra soft. The skin on my lower body was already very soft, probably gets less sun, but even more softer after using this body lotion. I’m a pet nanny n the skin on my right hand is a bit damaged after years of walking many dogs seven days a week. I wrap the leashes very tightly around my hand to be extra sure they can’t get loose n when they pull n the constant friction does damage. Not painful at all but is damaged n the lotion even helps this, though not completely.
It begins working almost instantly, at least in my experience. Give it a try and you won’t be able to keep your paws off yourself! 😆 (I look like I’m trying to be all cute in the second pic but I’m not)

Sending love to all! 💜

Xoxo Kim

Belongingness ❤️

“When we feel alone, we belong to the grand communion of those who sometimes feel alone.” ❤️

We all always belong somewhere and are in a group with many others who have something in common with us even when it doesn’t feel that way. Whatever situation we are in, feeling we are experiencing, someone else is also. And we belong with them. I read this quote on gratefulness.org, a website I have been subscribed to for a couple years. They encourage us to practice gratefulness all year long and to summon feelings of belongingness with others, with the whole uni-verse. They send inspiring quotes to our inbox each day and have online events to participate in and send newsletters and essays on positive topics, each month.

I definitely recommend signing up for the newsletter and checking out their beautiful website! It’s a gentle safe space for all and a reprieve when we are overwhelmed with the world, life, anything going on that is stressful.

Whenever we feel alone in our situation or life in general, let us remember, we belong with the rest of the people who feel that way. ❤️

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Xoxo Kim

Happy, Happy, Halloween 🎃 👻!!!

Sending love & light to all. I know Halloween isn’t celebrated everywhere but we do here in the U.S. But wherever in the world you are, I’m sending loving vibrations! ❤️💜💗💕🖤

I made this with a fun photo app called Lightleap. It’s not expensive and it’s super fun! I recommend it to anyone who loves photography.

Xoxo Kim