Courage ❤

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you’ll be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey.”

I was watching the Princess Diaries movie and found this gem!

If there is something that truly resonates with us and we avoid it out of fear then we are placing more importance upon the fear than whatever it is that is calling to us.

If there is something you have been longing to do but fear is holding you back and you need a little push, here it is! 😁❤

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

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Abandoned Dead

Sometimes the dead come back….

“July fourth, the fireworks are beautiful. Loud. Terrifying. I suppose it’s like life, love, sex, death.”

Recently I was looking through Amazon movies for Kindle and saw an amazing looking movie! It’s called “Abandoned Dead” and looks like the creepiest movie that ever did exist! I LOVE scary movies, especially supernatural thrillers! This movie does have supernatural overtones.

It’s considered a “B movie” like one that isn’t good, second rate, bad horror movie….and has terrible reviews! it got like two and a half stars out of like ten I think! :-O

The movie is about a young woman who is a security guard and suffers with a fear of nighttime and she’s asked to work the night shift at a creepy medical clinic she has never been to before. The girl doesn’t like being anywhere but home at night. She makes sure she only works day shifts. The clinic is located in a very bad neighborhood where there’s gangs and stabbings and shootings frequently. The medical clinic specializes is treating those afflicted with drug addiction. So there is breakins kind of frequently there because people who are addicted need a fix and in the clinic they have a drug used to help treat them.

The girl, Rachel, agrees to work the night shift to help out her coworker who needs off, even though she’s terrified of night. She has to work alone in the building that she has never been in before. Very bizarre things start happening. She hears whispers and someone saying her name now and again, strange phone calls occur, she hears someone whispering “he’s coming…,” and other strange occurrences.

Three people who worked at that very same clinic were murdered in the last two years, presumably by the same person. And nothing connects them but the fact that they all worked at that clinic at one point. A police detective is investigating the homicides late into the night but feels like he’s getting nowhere. They were all killed in a most gruesome way, in a similar fashion. And their hearts were taken out….while they were still conscious! They don’t show these scenes in the movie; we see the detective at his desk at night going over files and we hear his thinking voice. For the most part it’s not a gory, gruesome movie.

It is a strange, scary, fascinating movie! 

I read some of the reviews. I like reading reviews for movies and books but they usually don’t influence my decision to read/watch something or not.  If they are objective and say something I really don’t like then I may not watch/read it, like for example if it says the book or movie doesn’t have an ending and just cuts off. I don’t like when stories don’t have an ending. Even series, I prefer them to all be “stand-alones.” But I usually go through them to find more reviews similar to be sure instead of just going by one. 

Also, maybe when the reviews say there’s no plot or real story and just a bunch of scenes thrown together, I may not read/watch.

But if the reviews just say something like “this movie/book sucks” I’m most likely not going to listen. That’s subjective and just because one person or even thousands think a movie or book sucks, it doesn’t mean I will think so.

Anyway, this movie has some BAD reviews!
Some say that the main character isn’t really well developed, like we don’t know much about her.

I do prefer characters in movies and books to have substance and be well described by the writer. 

Some have said the camera lingers longer than necessary on the freaky scenes or something like that. 

Others have said that the end doesn’t make sense. 

I think someone said there’s not much of a plot.

Some admitted to not even watching the whole movie before writing an unpleasant review.

(I usually don’t think this is a good idea….at least watch/read to the end before criticizing! but there may be some exceptions though like maybe if the spelling, grammar, punctuation….is so horrible it can’t even be comprehended to get to the end…)

But I did not let any of these reviews deter me! 

I just had to see the movie!

So I bought it on Kindle and watched it two nights in a row!

I just love it! What a gem!

The only reviews out of those I mentioned here, that I agree with are the ones that  say the ending doesn’t make sense. It is difficult to interpret.

But after I watched the movie again, even before seeing the end again, I started to make more sense or it. It’s a great ending. A shocker and creative.  

I still don’t completely understand the entire thing. Maybe it’s meant to be that way? 

I did see a review saying it’s too slow, the movie. It’s only an hour and seventeen minutes long. It is kind of slow paced in a way but I love it. 

We do learn more about the girl and her traumatic past. And the movie does have a plot or storyline that makes sense for the most part. But there are some confusing scenes and things that are open to different interpretations it seems.

I like the music that plays throughout the movie, it seems somehow fitting. It’s not creepy but still perfect for certain scenes.  

I love the scenes where the police detective is running through the streets at night and strange things happen. I love the city lights and the feel of the night and his long tan trench coat. And the weird phone calls he receives whenever he runs past a public payphone.

“She isn’t safe….” in a weird voice! 

There’s something lonely and poetic and beautiful about the movie, something I can’t quite explain, especially about the parts with the detective. Something about him being alone and frustrated late into the night trying to catch a murderer to keep everyone safe. He wears a wedding ring but we never see him interact with a lover of his. 

The acting is good, the filming and directing all seem good. I’m not a movie critic though so don’t have the skills to truly judge the setup and all. But I still know bad acting and filming when I see it and this isn’t it! Then again, I’m very easy to please. It’s rare that I see a movie or eat food I don’t like! 

This though, is a fantastic movie! I love it!

Great job! 😀

The reason I’m sharing this movie here now is, the beautiful quote above! It’s out of this movie. We hear the detective thinking it along with other interesting things. 

I love the comparison with fireworks and life. Beautiful, terrifying, messy….

I don’t like fireworks, it’s true, they are loud and terrifying but beautiful. 

They are horrible and dangerous and traumatic for some, but seeing the colors bursting in the night sky, the sense of unity and celebration among those watching….is beautiful.

Something similar can be said of life itself and the situations we experience in this life. Even though it can be terrifying and disturbing, it’s still beautiful and there’s always something good to seize and embrace and cherish. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful and happy. 😀

❤

Much love & light to you, always. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

Insidious Chapter 3 {Love & Hope} <3

I watched this movie again tonight and am inspired all over again! As I wrote, I love the life lessons this movie conveys whether or not they were intended. I feel that it’s a movie about staying alive even when it hurts, even when it feels unbearable. Our home is here on Earth for now. And here on Earth is where we belong right now. Don’t give up! Also, the part where the psychic lady tells the girl who lost her mom to cancer, that she can stop looking for her mom, she is always with her, whispering in her ear when she’s confused or feels alone, is one of the best. Even if we don’t believe in ghosts, spirits, angels….those we love & lose remain with us in memory, in our hearts/minds. We don’t have to look anymore. They are here, within, always. ❤ ❤ Much love & light to you, always. ❤

A Dose of Inspiration

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

Last night I saw the movie Insidious chapter 3. I love the Insidious movies! They are seriously the creepiest movies I ever saw! And I’m not a believer in ghosts but hell if they don’t creep me out!  

I absolutely love Insidious Chapter 3. It’s creepy, it’s dark, it’s distressing and thrilling. But that’s not why I love it so.

There are a few lessons to be learned, for some people. I don’t know if the writer/s intended to convey these subtle messages or I’m just really reading into the movie and seeing messages that are accidental. 

Please don’t read here any further if you intend to watch the movie and haven’t seen…

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The Life Before Her Eyes

“As much as we can be overwhelmed by the world, we can also draw hope from it, from beauty, from promise, from the simple fact that we have the talent to imagine our future selves from all the possible lives that pass before our eyes. We must imagine our lives well. We must engage our conscience.”

Some years ago, I watched a movie called “The Life Before Her Eyes” over & over. I love movies that have to do with friendship. This movie is a very sad movie but very good. It’s about two high school girls who are best friends, one is a “good girl” and the other is a “bad girl” but they are the best of friends. Their friendship is so tender and loving and warm and even after they get into an argument. The girls do a great job playing the part. A true friendship like this one is a great blessing! I think platonic friendship is one of the greatest gifts in life.

A kid comes to school one day with a gun and kills a lot of people, including one of the girls. The other girl develops severe post traumatic stress and struggles with her loss, guilt, and anxiety and caring for her family after she grows up with a family of her own years later. She can’t let go of the past and overcome it and move forward. I wouldn’t expect someone to completely forget that her best friend was murdered and all those other people and wouldn’t expect her grief to go away but it’s possible to heal to a certain point. She has a lot of difficulty. I recently watched the movie again. 

This line above is out of one of the scenes. Isn’t it inspiring? So full of hope & beauty.

I love how many scenes in this movie can be analyzed and interpreted, like they have underlying meanings.

It’s a great movie but I would never recommend it to someone who has ever been involved in a school (or any) massacre, especially one involving gun violence. It may be a serious trigger.

I hope you are having a beautiful day/night!

😀

Much love & light, ❤

Xoxo Kim 

Krampus

On Christmas day, I went to see a scary Christmas movie at night. It’s called Krampus and is based on the myth of some ancient spirit. The spirit would come to remind and punish those who stop believing in and wishing for good. In one scene, a little girl asked what if they change what they do and act in better ways so Krampus won’t get them, and an old wise lady said it’s not what we do, it’s what we believe. 

We often hear the phrase “actions speak louder than words” and “without action, our words/intention mean nothing.” While I agree in some ways, I don’t completely agree in every case.

Sometimes our intention and compassion are enough, even if it does nothing practical. Compassionate intentions, thoughts, and wishes are still good even if we cannot or do not always act on it. It’s good to be compassionate and not cold. Having compassionate, loving thoughts and intentions helps deepen our general compassion, generating loving energy, and making it more likely we will act in compassionate ways. Sometimes just being near a very loving person brings a sense of calm and peace. 

And some actions, while looking good, are not performed out of love. Someone can help others just for image or credit or reputation or out of a sense of obligation or feeling awkward not helping. 

I think the best actions are those taken out of true love & desire to help. 

It’s true that love & compassion are often best when coupled with action. But living in a state of love and compassion in our mind is also beautiful. A loving essence is beautiful

The movie reminds me of this quote:

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” ~ Markus Zusak

❤

Much love,

Xoxo Kim 😀
 

You nosy little pervert ;-D

Get outta here you nosy little pervert or I’m gonna slap you silly! Lol! ;-D 

I took this picture of this clown May 2014 and had fun being silly with an app on my phone. I am very easily amused! 

I decided to go find these pics on my Facebook account and share them here!

And here’s a great song! Lol ;-D

Cool Jerk – The Capitols – mobile

Cool Jerk – desktop

And a funny scene in the hilarious movie Home Alone 2, one of the best movies ever!

Uncle Frank shower scene – mobile

Uncle Frank shower scene – desktop

lol! ;-D

~Hugs & love~ & lots of giggles! ;-D ❤

xoxo Kim 😀

Insidious Chapter 3 {Love & Hope} <3

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

Last night I saw the movie Insidious chapter 3. I love the Insidious movies! They are seriously the creepiest movies I ever saw! And I’m not a believer in ghosts but hell if they don’t creep me out!  

I absolutely love Insidious Chapter 3. It’s creepy, it’s dark, it’s distressing and thrilling. But that’s not why I love it so.

There are a few lessons to be learned, for some people. I don’t know if the writer/s intended to convey these subtle messages or I’m just really reading into the movie and seeing messages that are accidental. 

Please don’t read here any further if you intend to watch the movie and haven’t seen it yet, because there will definitely be spoilers here!

Click it off and come back later to read this, please! I’m not trying to ruin any surprises! 

Spoiler alert
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So here goes :

First a brief overview of the movie, just the gist of it.

There is more than just our world of the living. There are spiritual worlds full of dead people who once lived, and spirits who aren’t all good. Some are good but some are vicious and want to kill the living people. Certain living people can enter the spirit worlds and it’s possible that they can get trapped there or that spirits can follow them back into our world and haunt them.  

Some spirits are good and want to hurt no one. 

Some of the spirits want life so they try to abduct the living people and inhabit their bodies.  So they can live again on Earth.

Some spirits do not want light and life, they want to remain in their dark hell but take innocent people back with them. 

These are the worst of the worst. 

The young girl in the movie is a victim of something like this. Her mom recently died of cancer and the girl tries to contact her mom but she summons some other spirit accidentally. An evil one. A dead man wants her soul and manages to steal half of it and tries to steal the other half and trap her in his world of hell.
He doesn’t want life like some dead people do. He wants to remain in his hellish world but trap the girl with him. A psychic lady tries to help her.

This psychic lady’s husband died by suicide a year earlier and she’s real messed up over it and doesn’t want anyone else to suffer or die or lose anyone.

The lady has the gift of contacting dead people but one day she entered the dark spirit world and a woman followed her back threatening to kill her if she ever tries contacting the dead again and this scares the psychic lady and she gives up using her gift to help others.

Then she talks to an old friend who inspires her and encourages her to keep doing what she does even with the fear and threats hanging over her. He reminds her that what she does helps other people and she is strong enough to keep going even with the pain and fear. There’s always someone to help, someone who needs her. And it’s worth the risks and the fear and pain. 

He reminds her of her strength and that she has a big advantage over the spirits.

She has life.

And she is strong enough to stay alive and give all she has to the world. 

She can choose to rise and not fall, to live and not die. 

She can choose to conquer the darkness and demons. 

So the lady is inspired. 

She keeps going. 

Also, the man reminds her that she is much more than just one thing, more than just her gift. If she stops using her gift, she is still her, still someone.  

The psychic lady leaves her own body to enter the dark spirit world and find the other half of the young girl’s soul and bring it back to her body. The dead man is desperately trying to steal the other half. The young girl’s body will die if he gets the other half and her soul will suffer indefinitely if he gets it.

The girl appears to be unconscious while her dad, the psychic lady, and two men are surrounding her desperately attempting to keep her alive. They are pleading with her to pull back, to not give in to the dark, to stay alive.

The psychic lady’s body is there but her astral body or soul is in the dark spirit world to retrieve the other half of the soul. It’s dangerous for the psychic lady because she can be killed doing this. 

They tell the young girl that she doesn’t belong there in that dark spirit world, she belongs on Earth. She belongs in her body. She’s not ready to die. They want her to be strong and choose life.  To not give into the dark force pulling on her. To give into the life force pulling her back. 

While the psychic lady is in that dark world, she sees her husband there and she is overjoyed. But he tells her he needs her there with him and wants her to die and join him so they can be together again. 

This is how she realizes it’s not really her husband because her husband isn’t selfish enough to want her to end her own life just to join him.  She’s broken and devastated over her husband’s death but she knows she doesn’t want to die and belongs here on Earth. She chooses life and attacks the evil spirit pretending to be her husband. 

I find these scenes to be so comforting and inspiring because they are so life affirming. They show us that we are supposed to live, to not give up even when it’s hard. Life here on Earth is a gift and we belong right here even if we feel a pull to give up and die. Even when it seems we lose all hope, that it’s easier to give in and give up, we must keep going.  I felt this movie so deeply, I felt that it speaks to me as I was in that dark theatre watching with my family. It is an entertaining movie but I feel so much more.  

I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and urges. Not as much as I used to but I still struggle hard. Even when I’m not having a full blown episode, I can still experience symptoms. Some days I’m very happy and filled with genuine joy then out of nowhere I can be struck with depression and suicidal urges that end as quickly as they begin. I can be depressed and suicidal for just a few minutes or hours and those minutes and hours can feel like eternity when they are occurring. 
I can be happy and not depressed for months then five minutes of depression can make it feel like my whole life is nothing, worthless, despair and I can come close to ending it all. Then that fast the depression can end. 

The week and month long episodes aren’t as frequent anymore and the general depression in the middle of each severe episode isn’t with me anymore. 
But I still have the depressive condition. 
I don’t know why I have this. 
I think it’s just fucked up brain chemistry. It can be triggered by environmental factors or certain thoughts but not always.
Sometimes the more I try to understand why, it just seems the more suicidal I become.

Sometimes I really think I’m going to give in and end my life when it all feels so hopeless. 
I can feel the darkness pulling at me and if I pay close attention, I can also often feel the light and life pulling back. The choice is mine.

Sometimes my suicidal contemplation is so frequent, so routine, it’s just as much a part of my everyday as deciding what to wear, what to drink, where to go, what to read, brushing my teeth, getting a shower….But it always ends again. I’m constantly finding little gems of hope and inspiration to keep me going and share with others. I know there’s people just like me and I don’t want them to give into the horrible suicidal urges.  

There’s always something to live for, someone to help, to inspire, to love whether the person is a stranger or family or friend, an animal, an insect…let’s summon all our love and keep going, lavish all that love onto the whole world. Even when it’s scary. Even when it hurts. Even when we have to take risks.

We have life. Life is hope.  

Let’s love whoever is around to be loved and let our light permeate the world around us. 

Let’s not give into the darkness. Always reach for the light. We belong here, in the light and life of the Earth. Let’s put as much loving energy we can out into the uni-verse. 

Sometimes when I’m watching ghost movies, such as this one and the movie “Pulse,” I wonder if they are really about depression and not just all about ghosts and stuff. 

I am all that I am because of my struggle with depression and my quest for healing and my endless journey each day. It inspires me. I am much better than I used to be. It may never be cured but I’m not depressed constantly anymore. I’m often very happy now.

I can see the blessing that my experience with depression is. If we look closely, feel closely, listen closely, we can see little gifts throughout the darkness. Little glimmers of light.

I want to be the best me I can be not for myself but for every living thing I encounter. 

Whether or not you have depression, I think you can benefit by this message to keep going when you feel like giving up. Whatever you want to give up on because of fear or pain, just keep going. It may be your life, your job, a certain activity, anything….if it’s your true passion don’t give up on it just because of fear or pain. Keep going and help and inspire anyone you can along the way. 

“Keep loving….gotta keep the light on through dark & despair..” ~ Nimo Patel 

❤

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night! 

Much love to you always.

Xoxo Kim