Tag Archive | overcome

I Can Stand Up Once Again <3


Years ago, in a therapy session, I made this inspirational project with my therapist, Hannah.   This was back when my depression wasn’t as healed yet and I was struggling many days. Hannah was a student, doing work at a mental health clinic, and when she graduated she had to leave and isn’t my therapist anymore.

But I am still inspired and touched by all that I have learned when I did therapy work with her.

She helped me a lot and sessions with her were healing & fun. She was really good at listening to me and also she provided me with great, helpful techniques, such as the above activity, cutting out inspirational pictures, words, and stuff out of magazines for an uplifting image and reminder to look at so we can be inspired whenever we see it.

Hannah would often ask me about my favorite songs, why I love them, how they help me, and what they teach me. She explained how it’s a great technique to focus on the messages & Beauty of positive songs and let them inspire & help heal me.

We used to listen to my favorite songs and meditate during sessions. And she asked me to chose a song I love, one that inspires me so we can do a fun, healing activity together during our session. I chose Mariah Carey’s “Through the Rain” which is the song that helped give me the courage and motivation I needed in 2008 to first seek professional treatment for Depression. 

“When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you’re distraught and in pain without anyone 
When you keep crying out to be saved 
But nobody comes and you feel so far away 
That you just can’t find your way home 
You can get there alone 
It’s okay, what you say is 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain” ~ Mariah Carey

Hannah and me chose the line “I can stand up once again” in the song and we made this together and she let me keep it to always remind myself that no matter what happens to me, how low I sink into despair, how often I am knocked down, I can stand up once again.

“And if you keep falling down don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail 
What you say is 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith 
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain 
And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don’t be afraid 
There’s nothing you can’t face 
And should they tell you you’ll never pull through 
Don’t hesitate, stand tall and say 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith 
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain”

I haven’t seen this craft we made in a while and last year my family and me moved to a new house and a lot of stuff somehow disappeared. We don’t know what happened to it. Through the years I would think of this and wish I still had it but I thought it was long gone. Then today I was looking for an old Philosophy book in some old stuff I have packed away and the memory of this popped into my head out of nowhere and I wished more than ever that I had it. I have so much stuffe packed in my closet and a mirror broke and little pieces are all throughout my stuff. I was in pj shorts and a shirt and just reached my hand into some random junk and pulled something out and it happened to be this!!!

I couldn’t believe it! I never even knew it made it to the new house! I don’t remember packing it. But it’s here!! It’s strange that I pulled it out exactly when I remembered it wishing I had it!

Talk about sweet & strange coincidences!  

It’s kind of tattered and worn out but it’s still amazing! It just needed some extra glue. It’s tattered, Worn, and broken but still standing!

I love the message of this song. It shows that no matter what happens, even if there’s no one with us currently to help us, we can still manage to stand strong.

“I can make it through the rain and stand up once again 
And I live one more day 
And I can make it through the rain 
(Oh, yes, you can) 
You’re gonna make it through the rain” 

Here’s the desktop link for the song video:


Mobile link:


Xoxo Kim


Loud & Proud No Matter What


I believe we should be proud of all our accomplishments, big and small, alike.   
Accomplishments such as kicking a bad habit, healing or recovering an addiction, quitting old detrimental ways…are still great accomplishments even though some people think they are not because they believe those things shouldn’t have been started in the first place.

I subscribed to this page:


And the man who the page belongs to said he is grateful he no longer cheats on women who he is in a relationship with. He wrote that it may seem like a bizarre thing to be thankful for but it was a very destructive part of his life at one point and he finally stopped.  Now his life is better.

I don’t see that as a bizarre thing to be proud of or grateful for. It takes strength and courage to admit to a problem or being wrong then working to change it and also to share with others. 

Everyone makes mistakes.  As I have said, no one is perfect in everyone’s eyes. No matter who you are or how amazing you are, someone out there somewhere,  thinks or would think, if you met the person and the person knows about it, that something you do, say, think, or feel or something you previously did, thought, felt or said is/was wrong. Someone will see flaws in you.

It seems as if we often tend to negatively judge people based on the seriousness of the consequences of their actions instead of the morality of the actual action, I guess you can say.  

For example, people often severely criticize people who take drugs and get addicted. The fact that someone takes recreational drugs and gets addicted may have serious, devastating consequences but it says nothing about the character of the person or the person’s general morals.  Some people never take drugs but are just very unkind people who want to drag others down and go out of their way to hurt people merely for the thrill.   And many people who do take illicit drugs or have previously taken them are great people with beautiful personalities who would never go all out to hurt people just for the thrill.

A couple months ago someone told a lie involving me at work.  I forgive the person and believe it was a mistake and not typical of her. Not a mistake as if she wasn’t aware of what she was doing, she knew, and she had malicious intentions, although I have no idea why because we always had a good relationship with each other.  But I view this as a mistake, something she should not have done but she did.  This could have cost me my job.

But I don’t view this as something that defines her personality or character.   It was a mistake, a wrongdoing, a negative act but I choose to look at her as the whole person she is and not as a horrible person based on one vicious act.

People have advised me to feel bitter towards her, to seek revenge, to see her as a horrible individual.  But I choose to move forward with an open heart, forgive her, and “forget.”

She did not admit she was wrong and she lies to the bitter end but I don’t believe her lying now has to do with being malicious towards me any longer.  I think it now has to do with her not wanting to admit she was wrong, feeling as if that’s a weakness on her part.  She has to lie to back up the main lie so as not to confess that she was initially wrong.  So even if she’s sorry, she won’t say it because that would be admitting she was wrong.

However, she did express guilt in other ways and seemed to be trying to make up for it by being extra kind and helpful.  That, in my opinion, is better than an empty “I’m sorry” anyway.

For months I have been angrier than I have ever been, some moments, to the point of fury and it was seeping into every aspect of my life, not just work. I would forgive then go back to holding a grudge off and on but I finally let go, for myself and for her. I don’t want to be angry. She doesn’t want me to be angry.  And it’s done now.

So, my message here is that mistakes you have made and will make, usually say nothing about who you are as a whole person and even if you aren’t as great as you can be, there’s always the possibility for change. You may have to work hard.  It may be awkward and feel uncomfortable now and then but it’s worth it.

And when you accomplish something great like realizing you were wrong and you change your ways or work on yourself for the better that is something to be proud of yourself for no matter what others say.

I have difficulty deleting apps, songs, pictures, and other files off my phone, even ones I never, ever use or even care about.   I always have this fear like “What if I change my mind and delete it and can’t get it back again?!” or “What if later I would come to really want this stuff on my phone and I forget all about it and never know to put it back on?!”.   Lol things like that. So because of this, I can’t put on new stuff or take new pics.

But two nights ago, yesterday,  and today I overcame my limiting fears and decided to go on a deleting spree, deleting everything I don’t use.  Some things I wrote down just in case I may want it again. 

I let my reasoning prevail over emotion. Now is what matters and now I really need more space on my phone.  And I probably will never want those apps and the truth is I can install most of them again if I want later.

This may seem like a trivial thing to be proud of but I must say, I’m proud! Lol. For me, that’s an accomplishment. 

Also, I’m a slob. It’s true. I leave empty soda bottles and candy wrappers around my house and my mom gets so mad. That’s not something I should do ever. But I do.  So when I actually avoid doing that on my own without being told, I feel a sense of accomplishment.   

I hope you will go easy on yourself.   Forgive. Learn.  Move forward. Be honest & open with yourself.

Lol My message here now is that you should be proud and thankful for all of your accomplishments no matter how trivial or important they seem to you or to others. Every little thing you do that contributes in some way, big or small, to a better you, a better world, a better environment, a better relationship, or a better anything is worth being proud of and grateful for.  Even the simplest things.

And this will get you in the habit of seeing the good in you and acknowledging and celebrating your positive aspects and successes. I believe this can lead to a happier life.

What are you holding onto that you should be letting go of?
What should you forgive yourself for?
What would happen inside you if you admit that you were wrong? Admit to yourself?   To others?
Why are you holding on to self resentment?
How about you make the decision to let go now?

Xoxo Kim


An Inspiring Conversation


” I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU. “~Mayor John Pappas (City Hall, 1996)

About a year ago, I had a conversation with someone at work one night. At first, I found this conversation to be very unpleasant but shortly after the conversation ended, I felt energized, inspired, uplifted, and so hopeful.

This conversation is one of the things which has had the greatest, positive impact on me in my journey to recover my suicidal depression.

A person was talking to me about drug addiction and people who struggle and have struggled with addiction. She had a very negative view of people who have suffered substance addiction, even the ones who have overcome it and no longer consume illegal/recreational drugs.

She basically held the view that drug addicted people are lost causes who are bound to go nowhere in life. And even when they recover or heal, they will always be “druggies”. “Druggies” who even after recovering will never find redemption or worth.

I couldn’t have disagreed with this girl more. I see so much potential and hope and light in almost everyone I look at. People are remarkably strong and resilient and can overcome and move forward even when it’s hard. Even when it’s painful and all seems hopeless. Even when it seems impossible. Even when it’s all just so dark. 

There can always be light. When I look at a person, even a troubled, difficult, broken person with great obstacles and challenges, I don’t see an addiction or an illness or a mere label or a “lost cause”. I see a person.   A light. Possibility and hope. Hope for healing.   Hope for change.  

Everyone has something to contribute to this world and everyone around us whether or not they realize it and even when it feels impossible.   You may feel so empty, so broken, so devoid of life, so hopeless but you are not beyond healing or hope or love.

A person who has struggled with addiction and has overcome or healed that addiction and no longer takes drugs/alcohol has acheived an incredible accomplishment. It takes great strength and courage and dedication to pick up the broken pieces, the shattered parts of self and put them together again and become whole. There may always be scars, cracks, breaks, pain..but it’s possible to move forward and find true happiness, true joy in existence.

Why judge someone negatively for previous mistakes or a health condition or a choice that got out of control?

I have never struggled with addiction of any sort and cannot possibly know what it’s like.   All I can know is that it is painful, devastating, heartbreaking and difficult for the person who is addicted and everyone around that person and that it IS possible, with help & support of various kinds, to get better enough to live and be happy living. Whether or not the person is completely recovered with no more urges or still has urges that are difficult to resist. Even someone who relapses now and then.

It’s not always easy for an addicted person to know this or to ask for help or to not relapse.   And people struggling with addiction deserve empathy, understanding, compassion, love, encouragement.   They aren’t monsters. Many of them may steal and assault people and become unrecognizable to those who knew them before the tragedy of addiction but they are not all bad people . Underneath the devastation and the addiction is an amazing person who can find hope and healing.

After this girl I had the conversation with left me that night I started to think about our contrasting views. She viewed people who struggle with addiction as some of the lowest people on Earth, worthless, bad, taking up space in a world they don’t deserve.

And I view them as the people they are. Worthy of love, empathy, care, acceptance, compassion…

And I started to think about how we need more people in this world with my view. We need people with better understanding and compassion.

I thought of my own struggle with suicidal depression, which back then, a year ago, was not as healed as it is today, right now.

I thought of all the moments I wanted to kill myself in this life, feeling as if I had nothing to live for and never ever would , as if I was worthless, empty, nothing, as if the pain was just too much to bear, weighing too heavy on my life, to go on.

And I realized if I ever kill myself, I kill my compassion for others, my love, my empathy, my understanding, my acceptance, my open mindedness. If I kill myself, I kill all the chances I will ever have to help another, before those chances even begin. If I kill me, I kill the opportunity to tell someone s/he is not a lost cause, not an addiction, not a loser, not deserving of callousness and abusive insults and cruelty. I kill the chance to tell someone there is hope.

I’m not an expert on addiction. I don’t know exactly how to handle an addicted person, especially one who is acting out. They may need firmness every now and then and not all sap and gentleness, I don’t know. But that’s not my point anyway; my point is that we need more people with compassion and positive views of troubled people. We need people who will not destructively criticize and tell people there’s no hope for them.

This goes for any troubled person or anyone who has made mistakes with serious consequences, not just addicted people. 

And that if you ever kill yourself, you kill every positive aspect of yourself, your opportunity to eventually be fulfilled and healed and find or create a sense of purpose, and your opportunity for growth and your opportunity to impact the world and maybe even just one life for the better.

You’re under no obligation to live for others, it’s yourself you should live for. But there are people who need you to live, you may not have met them yet and maybe won’t meet them for many years, maybe you never will but your life will somehow touch theirs.  Someone, somewhere needs YOU to LIVE.  And eventually you will find or create a sense of purpose for your own existence.

Live for yourself and your own empathy and care and love. And live for all of your good qualities and possibilities.

I vowed to myself that night after that conversation which at first I believed to be unpleasant, that I will never take my own life. We should all live for ourselves. But when I used to get suicidal, I did not want to live for me. I saw nothing in me worth living for. But that night I vowed to never, ever end my own life even if I feel like it because if nothing else, there’s  one thing in me worth surviving for, my concern and care for others.   My empathy, my ability to see beyond illnesses and difficulties and troubles and mistakes, my desire, my longing to help heal and console in any way I can. This fulfills me.  I know those aren’t my only reasons for living, my reason is just to be,  but when I’m contemplating suicide I usually see nothing to go on for.  But this view is something I will always believe in. Helping others, also helps me. We are all connected.

I don’t live to be a “slave” and used by others, I allow myself to be fulfilled by helping and positively impacting anyone I can.

There are many, many people like me who feel this way about people, that they can heal and are deserving of compassion and love. And if I kill myself there will be one less of us.

(No one should kill themselves even if they aren’t compassionate or empathetic or caring.

Since that night, I haven’t seriously contemplated ending my own life. And if I ever do again, I have a sweet reminder of something worth living for.

And there’s also another lesson to be learned here, anyone can be our teacher even those who are unpleasant, even unpleasant encounters can be inspiring and teach us valuable lessons. This young woman who I debated with that night, this at first seemingly unpleasant encounter, provided me with the chance to think about things which have filled me with hope & inspiration. 

And here I am today, still inspired, still hopeful, still going strong.


Xox Much love, blessings, & hope to you all.


“Don’t judge me by my past, I don’t live there anymore.”

“Possibilities are everywhere.”

“Always go the extra mile, it’s never crowded.”

“Your past is a gift to guide you, it doesn’t have to imprison you.”

You Can Bend but Never Break Me </3 <3


Recently I have been thinking about how “unfair” and “unjust” things are and seem.   People and things in this world can really drag us down and if we let them, even keep us down. There ‘s no doubt about it, people and things outside of ourselves affect us in negative (as well as positive) ways. In ways that may seem out of our control. But my truth is that people can have control over the extent in which they allow people and things, circumstances to “get to them.”

I don’t always have control over what anyone other than myself says or does or feels. I can’t help if people lash out at me, sling insults at me, physically assault me, verbally abuse me, or try hard to bring me down. I also do not and will not always have control over my circumstances or situations.  I can’t always help getting stuck in traffic, things breaking, things not going my way.  And the truth is since I am a living mortal with human emotions and not a robot, a brick wall, dead, brain dead, or whatever else these negative people and situations and things WILL negatively affect me in ways. They will. And that is part of being a living human. A feeling human. I may not have complete control over how things affect me but I DO have control over the degree in which they affect me.

Maybe not right away. But I can practice and learn to not be buffeted by things outside of myself. 
I can do this by acknowledging and accepting the fact that life is good and bad and to remind myself that when people do things wrong to intentionally impact me negatively it says something about them, not me.  
I can look at all the greatness I am surrounded with and filled with and learn not to dwell constantly on the pain and negative things.
I can honor myself. Do and Be what brings me joy. And know that if people do not like me or appreciate me, it’s their loss, their problem.

One day recently I read a story, a true and devastating story, written by a grieving mother who lost her 22 year old son to homicide many years ago. He was a college boy, shot dead by a much older “friend ” over a trivial argument. The mother’s strength and passion and determination amazed me then when I first read that story and amazes me now.  
She chose to live. To keep going. A criminal, a murderer changed her life. And the lives of everyone who knew and loves him. It changed this mother ‘s life for the worse. He took away her only son and left her with just memories, grief, seemingly unbearable pain, and so much confusion and shock . He shattered her life. But she made the choice to put her life back together, though it will never be the same. A vicious, malicious criminal ended her loving, caring son ‘s life but she sure as hell wasn’t going to let that same malicious man end hers in anyway. She is now an advocate for homicide victims and their families and friends.   She works with criminals and murderers in positive ways to try to get them to understand to some degree the devastation that their horrific actions have on everyone around them.
She is a survivor.

Some years ago, a man held a gun to my chest at the store where I work. It’s window service. I was working alone late at night with no one else around.  He came up to the window and told me he had a gun and that I better give him all the store money or he would kill me. He actually said those words to me. “I’ll kill you.” I refused to give him the money and he pulled the gun out and held it to my chest and said “I’m serious, I will kill you.”. 

I still refused. (yeah people told me later how very stupid I was)

Then he told me I better give it or he’ll kill me and take the money then kill the people in the bar across the street which my boss also owns. He said if I give him the money we all live. I never want anyone else’s lives in danger so I let him have it.

The man was never caught. There was no camera to catch his image. I couldn’t identify him in any pictures.   None were of him.

I wasn’t hurt. And I wasn’t touched physically.   

My dad says every now and then how one of his biggest fears is someone coming to the window again while I’m working and actually carrying through with a vicious plan or threat of some sort and either ending or “ruining” my life. He’s afraid I’ll live but be seriously attacked or injured in some way.

But I made a choice. No one will ever ruin my life unless that person ends it. But as long as I’m living No one other than me can destroy me or ruin me because I said so and I will never give anyone that power.   I may not always be able to prevent or avoid an attack, physical or verbal. But I won’t let it destroy me. No one deserves that kind of power over me.

Something or someone can hurt me. Scare me. Paralyze me or whatever but NO ONE will destroy or ruin me. I will be negatively affected by negative people and things.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to be fully alive.   It is normal. Natural. Healthy.   To be negatively affected by the world around us. To be sad. Disappointed.   Grief stricken. Angry. Scared…..jealous….suspicious, all in healthy dosages.

But then we get back up and move forward. And keep going. And keep living.   And still create happiness & joy.

Like Helen Reddy sings, “You can Bend but Never Break me”

What I’m saying right now must be said gently or I risk sounding cruel. It is in no way intended to tell “victims” or survivors of anything to “get over it” or that they’re overreacting or not handling things right. Everyone reacts in different ways and handles things differently. I want survivors of anything, big and small things, alike to take back the power and never let someone or something else have that power.

I don’t want a criminal or a bully or a situation or illness or anything to have power over a person. I want the person to empower herself (himself). It’s not always easy.   It takes learning and practice and maybe some extra help.
But we can learn not to be destroyed by someone or something else outside of ourselves. We don’t have to feel numb or deny the impact or the scars. We can admit the horror we have endured and how it affected us and then muster up all the strength we have and move forward with an open heart. 

It’s not your fault that people do bad things to you. There’s no justification for abuse or assault or mistreatment of any kind.  And it’s not your fault if you have a sickness of any kind or a disability.   And it’s not your fault if you react negatively to the negativity or mistreatment. It’s just your natural reaction. You can take back your power and own yourself.

I will rise above the victim mentality. Instead I will acknowledge and honor my ability to make choices, my ability to choose happiness and joy even through the trauma and sorrow and grief and negativity.

I refuse to be a victim.

Xoxo Kim

“You can bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul”. ~ Helen Reddy (I Am Woman)


The lovely Moon, a light in the darkness.

She believed she could so she did


“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before”~ Edwin Elliot.

“Don’t cheat the world of your contribution. Give it what you’ve got.” –Steven Pressfield

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

Here is a disorganized, beautiful wreck of my thoughts on how pain can be our motivation and inspiration.

And how we can bring more joy and happiness into our world.

I have a wildly, passionate, pulsating desire, longing, need to help others help themselves heal whatever pain they are experiencing. I want people to empower themselves and overcome whatever restraints may be holding them back and making them not live fully and passionately and happily. And.

I hope that you who are reading this can find something that is useful to you and use it to help yourself and even share with others to help them.

I believe any negative experience that rips us apart, breaks us, steals a part of us that we feel we can never reclaim, swindles our days, months, and/or years, saps our strength, even threatens our sense of personal identity, no matter how painful, no matter how agonizing can turn out to be the catalyst for change for the better. It can give us the opportunity to better ourself, rebuild ourself to stand even stronger than before that pain and destruction.

And for me, the way to allow this painful experience to give way to positive change and the opportunity to rebuild and strengthen myself is to cultivate and maintain a general confident, grateful, positive, “unstoppable” attitude. Stop at nothing. Be your own advocate. Know that you are worth it. Empower yourself. Whatever you experienced. Whatever you did. Wherever you were. You can change now for the better. You can move on and never look back except to see how much progress you have accomplished and bring the lessons you learned with you wherever you are now and wherever you will go. You are in control.

Deep inside you know what you need. What you want. Your heart’s truest longings and desires. Look deep within. Look around you. What draws you? What pulls you in? What captivates and awes you? What has you spellbound and fills you with wonder & inspiration? Is it a certain place? A certain career or job? A hobby or activity? Certain scenery or decorations? Certain colors or objects? A kind of person you want to be? A certain way of life? What do you see before you and feel in the quietude of your brain when you close your eyes and drown out all the clatter of everyday? What is swirling around and sparkling with chromatic winds in the otherwise dusty, gray, and stagnant recesses of your brain? Whatever it is, go for it, chase it until it’s your reality. You may not get it right away, maybe not even in the immediate future. But if it draws you and has you spellbound, it’s worth the sweat and the tears and the work and the dreaming. And don’t settle for anything less. Don’t settle for mediocre. Work for your best! Don’t be a zombie or a robot and just exist in an almost constant state of gray, monotony, BE ALIVE. Remember how you felt when you accomplished something amazing, maybe something you thought you maybe never could?

Remember that incredible thrill that you tapped into at some points in your life? A genuine thrill. Maybe when you finally graduated, or maybe when you gave birth to or adopted your child or adopted a new pet, or got your very first job or promotion or a new car or even just a new, amazing outfit or pair of shoes, maybe when you got accepted into a program or moved out on your own or got an A on a difficult exam…then the novelty wore off and you still loved those things/people but they’re no longer new, the thrill sort of dimmed a little.

And you may think you need big things to happen to feel that way again.

But the good news is you can learn to tap into that novel feeling, that thrill almost whenever you want over various things, big and simple things. You can get thrilled and inspired over small simple things by developing positive habits that will assist you in your quest to overcome your routine, monotonous ways. That’s not to say you will or should live everyday in complete ecstasy or mania but you can be thrilled and ecstatic more often and love the things you do! :-D. Stop to notice and appreciate the simple things. The morning dew drops on the tips of leaves, the veins of life running through the leaves and the ones running through you, your wrists, the vibrancy of the colors of the sky and flowers. The sounds that stroke your core, music, cars screeching in the streets, taste your food, mindfully, salty, sour, sweet, bitter. Deliciousness. Feel the textures of everything you touch. The softness of skin, the comfort of your blankets, your animal’s fur. And take in all the fragrances of life. Perfume, rain, mist, cookies or cupcakes baking, citrus or lavender. Appreciate and love and cherish your senses. Feel blessed and grateful for them. They are five of your greatest gifts. Five beautiful gifts that you probably overlook every single second of every single day, yet they are your greatest mechanisms for experiencing this world, this life. Make a habit of doing this more often and it will open you up to what feels like a brand new world, one of joy, awe, wonder, and inspiration.

Now back to your dreams…

You don’t even have to have it be one hundred percent clear to you right now exactly what you want and need; you can just have a basic idea and do some exploring in and around yourself.

You can read books, flip through magazine pages, visit places, browse clothing or knick knack aisles in stores, antiques or flea markets, read on the internet, engage in various activities to see what captures your heart, what you want to be yours, what you want to be you. Meditate. Focus on your source of life, your breath, don’t force any certain kind of breathing, just focus on the natural process. It may feel weird and unpleasant at first but you’ll get used to it. Try different things out to see if it’s for you.

And believe you have what it takes to eventually accomplish and realize this.

Maybe you want to graduate college and have a big, impressive career. Maybe you want to travel across the world, or maybe you want to take certain non-credited classes to learn to draw, sing, cook, sew, or take photographs. Overcome a health condition of any kind or exercise more. Or maybe you just want to learn how to decorate your house or be a better you all around. Whatever it is you will not grasp it, become it, live it if you don’t take the first steps and then the next and the next until you embrace it and it’s you.

We can’t all have everything we want. We have limitations. But just because we cannot have or accomplish a specific something does not mean we cannot accomplish something else we want or love. I love the idea of singing and wish I could but the truth is my voice is not a singing voice. Lol. And I would love to be able to draw beautifully but I usually cannot; it’s just my fantasy. But that doesn’t stop me so I cannot find something else that I love that can be my reality.

I have come to realize this through my quest to better myself and escape the grasp and bondage of Depression which I have grappled with since I was a young girl. I was 13 years old when it began. It would be severe flareups on top of lowergrade depression in the middle and every now and again, it would lift and I would be happy for a while then it would come back for weeks or months then happy again.

I was at the lowest depths of my despair when I finally realized my ONLY way is up. There was no other option for me that I would settle for. I refused to stay that way, refused to lose my life to the disease that has ravaged my brain for years,off and on. I wanted it to stop coming back. I knew true happiness. I was happy at every age along with having depression.

So I became my advocate and my hero, my nurturer, my own caregiver and I went to war over myself, for myself, and chose to stop. At nothing. Stop at nothing. Until I am where I want to be and I still choose not to stop. I am still going. Still going strong. I make this a life-long commitment. This was/is not always easy. But it is not all unpleasant. And is well worth it.

I get to watch myself grow, feel myself evolve. I see progression and light where I once saw darkness through myself imposed prison bars. And I help others along the way.

Depression has the tendency to extinguish the will to live and survive and it hinders motivation and inspiration and makes us believe we are not worth anything, like we’re not worth the struggle. But I let the pain inspire me and motivate me as difficult as it can be. I let the struggle itself be my motivation and inspiration. My pain is my motivation.

Through the eyes of depression, there is no motivation. There is no inspiration in anything. There’s no will. Through the lenses of depression at its most severe form, there’s often nothing that can motivate or inspire. No people, no activities, no jobs, no thoughts, no books. So what to do? Take the very pain itself, the LACK of motivation and inspiration and let that be THE motivation itself.

Depression took away everything I ever was when it would keep returning, but I took it back. I took myself back. I reclaimed my goddess within, my inner hero. I sparked my inner song, the one in my bones.

Take a look at your negative, self-limiting thoughts. Did you create them or did someone else program them into your head? Or did an experience instill them into you? Why are those thoughts bad for you? Are they good for anything other than bringing you down and causing you to hurt or suffer? If someone else programmed those useless, negative, life draining thoughts into your head, get them out now! They don’t belong there. No one but you belongs in that head of YOURS! Did someone tell you long ago, maybe as a child, or young adult, or maybe even recently, that you aren’t good enough or you aren’t beautiful and you have internalized it and carry it around with you til this day?

Reprogram those thoughts that do not serve you for the best. Practice. Practice. Practice. Un-install them and then install new, self affirming thoughts and beliefs. If you created these thoughts in your own head, why? (This is not a judgmental “why?”. I want you to think about how those thoughts may have served you somehow at one point but not anymore or maybe they never did.) What did they once mean for you? If they no longer or never have served a positive purpose for you, abandon them. And replace them with positive, tender, self-loving thoughts and beliefs that serve you well. Write them down. List them. Dwell on them. When you have a negative thought about yourself, counter it with three positive thoughts or more. Of course you have flaws or perceived flaws, who doesn’t? That’s no reason to verbally/mentally bash yourself no matter what is true or not. What do you WANT to think and believe about yourself as opposed to what you currently think and believe? Your opinion of yourself matters. Your negative thoughts about you are NOT irreplaceable. You CAN vanquish them and replace them. You are a sentient being. You can feel, think, and experience. You deserve your love and compassion. So bestow it upon yourself. It may not happen now or overnight but you can do this.

Whatever negative, painful experience(s) took a toll on you and coerced you into believing negative things about yourself and saying and thinking unpleasant and unnecessary criticism about you, take that experience and go the other way. Instead of looking at how it broke you or destroyed you, take a look at how it has the potential to gift you, to guide you, to energize you. To allow you to strengthen and rebuild yourself.

You may never completely get over the scars of a painful experience but you CAN get yourself better. Scars are ok even though they can be painful; they’re part of living. And they can remind you. of the battle you survived and won!

My depression was environmental & turned more like chronic later, lifting a while then coming back, having to do with certain situations and thoughts.

I have made a conscious decision to intentionally maintain a positive attitude/life even when it’s not easy, even when it nearly seems impossible. This doesn’t mean never having a negative thought; it doesn’t mean literally only having cheery thoughts and happy ideas. It means also handling negative thoughts, situations, and emotions in a healthy, positive, effective way. Like writing, reading, listening to music, therapy, arts & crafts, friends, talking, anything healthy, eliminating negativity when I can, knowing it’s only temporary. Knowing that happiness is often found within but factors outside the self like books, people, activities…can help bring it out and build on it. It would be absurd and dishonest to myself and others to claim I only have or even try to only have pure cheerful, happy thoughts and feelings. Lol. Not happening!

But I do more frequently than not try to keep my glass 99.9 % full! Lol. And I try not to complain unnecessarily. But venting is ok, even necessary every now and then. Negative thoughts and emotions are inevitable and it is important to express them in a healthy manner. I have a gratitude journal, a positive journal, and a positive outlook in general.

And I see how negative events and situations can be manipulated into positive energy whether that’s learning something through the experience, letting it strengthen and enlighten me, or using it to teach others. Or just letting it be a reminder and indication that I am in fact alive and life comes with difficult struggles & situations even through the immense beauty.

Since I am prone to bouts of severe depression I must work hard to keep up a positive outlook more than average so a normal low mood does not increment into full blown illness. But I want to help everyone, even those who have never personally known major depressive disorder. I believe everyone can benefit through the power of positive thinking and action.

When you do not know the impending outcome of something, try not to assume the worst. Why assume the worst when you can assume the best? You may be disappointed if you expect the best and the worst does happen but occasional disappointment to me is better than a gloomy life of expecting bad things frequently. Disappointment can be dealt with and handled. And think in your head that even if the worst does in fact happen, you can and WILL see it through and maybe even learn a few lessons. You can even let your negative and painful experiences be your motivation to get better, heal, and then help others who are now in the painful situation you were once in. You have a special qualification now that not everyone has. We do not have to go out purposefully looking for pain and wanting it just so we can learn; that is not my point. But it will occur at some points whether we want it or not and when it does we can & will grasp it, mold it, structure it, and use it to our advantage, NOT let it get the best of us. Make your pain and your negativity your bitch and use it! Lmao! Own it! ;-D

Don’t let it own you! It can bend you but don’t let it ever break you any longer. Look at it as a tool that you can use to structure and create something better. Be creative!

Be an active participant in and engage in your life. Let it be something that responds to you, not something that merely happens to you. Come alive, live, do not just exist. When you think positively, you are more likely to act positively and then attract positivity around you. There is great wisdom in positive thinking and the power of positive thinking will help you manifest the positive potential in your life.

And you can be amazed at the workings of the sparkling positivity and color in your world.

Positive thinking alone can help uplift you but it’s when it is in combination with positive actions that your brain will be infused with wisdom and light.

And for your endeavors to flourish, it’s best to have confidence in yourself and your actions. Know that you have choices and that you are capable. Know that negative moods and thoughts are not permanent; they are mutable. They fluctuate. So when you have negative thoughts and feelings, reprogram them by meditating on positive thoughts. Transform “I can’t” to “I Can!”. And with true practice you will get into the habit of confident positive thinking and have it develop in your way of life, entrenched throughout your being. You will live it. You will breathe it. You will be it.

Allow your motivation and your burning passion and desire to transcend your feelings of lack of confidence and your laziness or insecurity.

With this habit, positivity will come easier, naturally, and help dispel negativity. Observe your thoughts as they arise in your head. Look at each one and determine whether or not they can benefit you and if you can use them to your advantage. Will this thought lead to or help aid in your happiness & serenity or to sadness, fear, suffering? Be attentive to your thoughts. Be realistic. Don’t be delusional and set up unattainable, unrealistic goals for yourself; that can lead to unnecessary disappointment and working toward unattainable or unrealistic goals can feel like hopeless drudgery as opposed to feeling enthusiastic and happy and hopeful . (Example: don’t think you can become a billionaire over night; it’s extremely unlikely for almost ANYONE and don’t think you can lose 80 pounds in 24 hours, it’s probably not happening) Start out with smaller goals and steps. Know that things take a while and that you do have limitations. But be optimistic and know that that’s ok.

Let your brain be steeped in positive thoughts. Let go of negative ones; they are not you, you are not them. Be positive even if you cannot fulfill all of your desires. Don’t allow your happiness and positivity to be conditional. Things come and things go and if your happiness is based upon them and you lose them, you will be unhappy; your happiness will constantly falter.

We have a light, a way about us that no one else does. You may not realize this or always feel it or be able to identify it but it’s there. Just like your fingerprints, your unique DNA that you may take for granted and never even think about or realize the individuality of. You have a light that can burst into wild flares and luminous flecks that can sparkle on all those you touch. You are not a copy. You are the original. You are unlike anyone else. We are all similar in some ways and different in various ways. Your thoughts, ideas, creativity, your way of consoling and your friendship all have different angles, different pathways, different aspects and doorways than anyone else’s.

Take your light and let it shine on me. It will light me up like nothing else. <3. Your light can shine brighter than the sun and the moon. You never know, it may just be the stars in someone’s midnight sky.

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” –Wayne Dyer

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” –Buddha

“For true success, ask yourself these four questions: Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now?” –James Allen

“At least three times every day take a moment and ask yourself: What is really important? Have the wisdom and the courage to build your life around your answer.” –Lee Jampolsky

“You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.” –Deepak Chopra

“What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now.” –Buddha

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” –Napoleon Hill

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.” –Jim Rohn –Mark Twain

“The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything.” –

Theodore Roosevelt

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” –Theodore Roosevelt

“Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting.” –Napoleon Hill –Mike Ditka

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.” ~Edwin Elliot

“There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.”

~Louise Hay

“You are as amazing as you let yourself be. Let me repeat that. You are as amazing as you let yourself be.” ~Elizabeth Alraune

“If we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.” ~Louise Hay

“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” ~Vincent Van Gogh

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” ~Dale E. Turner

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” ~George Eliot

Will you be the one bringing light to someone cowering in the shadows?

X0xo Kim ❤ 😀 🙂