Tag Archive | pets

My boys❤🐾

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Aren’t my babies so cute?!?! 😍🐾❤😀

Woody is the baby (the chihuahua – he’s two years old) & Emmy, the pom pom, is the daddy. He’s four years old. ❤ Adorable furkins. 

Just a cute picture to brighten your day (or night – it’s night here)! ❤ Much love & light & hugs to you! ❤

 xoxo Kim 😀

Happy Birthday, Pomchies!!❤

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July 30th is my babies’ birthday!! They were born two years ago just after 10:00pm! My dog, Boobie had them. ❤💝

She was old when she had them and only had two. My family kept them both. She ran out of milk and we had to feed them with a dropper.

Now they are big and strong and mischievous! Lol Always up to no good! 😏😒

They each got a bone stuffed with flavored gunk in the middle! Lol And since their daddy loves bones too we got him one so he wouldn’t feel left out. My other two doggies who don’t care as much for bones got peanut butter cookie ones they can eat right up and they did eat them right up! 

Also, they got a jumbo hot dog at Wawa! My sister & me have this joke that our boy pomchi is a jumbo wawa hot dog! Lol He has a big round belly and loves to eat! 😍

My mom calls him the little porker.

He is little but plump. So cute!!

 

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They loved it!!

They haven’t been being very good! They keep getting into quarrels over the bones, barking and growling all day and night even though there’s enough bones for each of them. All three of them want all three of the bones all to themselves! Greedy little things! They kept waking me up all night growling at each other. I was so annoyed so I took their bones and put them under my pillow so they wouldn’t have them to argue over. Then when I woke up and went to get their bones to give them back, the bones were gone! Lol They took it upon themselves to retrieve them. I found them at the end of my bed!

 Annoying but adorable! 😍 😀

I hope you are having a wonderful day or night wherever you are! ❤

Xoxo Kim

  

Happy National Kitty Kat Day

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“Time spent with a cat is never wasted.” ~Colette

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“What greater gift than the love of a cat?” ~ Charles Dickens

Today in Buddhist class I found out it’s National Cat Day then I saw people posting about it on Facebook!

yay!

In class, the monk told us that people working for Uber were taking kittens around to let people pet to brighten people’s day! How cute!!

😀 ❤

The kitty above is Lacey!! And tomorrow just happens to be the anniversary of the day she came to live with us years ago!!

She's getting a special can of food! Shes so cute and loves to snuggle! She's not always the sweetest girl and sometimes whacks us with her paw!

She may have a psychotic problem. She chases stuff that isn't there.

She loves to be hugged & petted and loves to sink her nails in soft material and suck on it!! It's just the cutest!! ❤

I love my adorable Lacey! ❤

She often has her tongue sticking out!

I hope you are having a lovely day!

much love to you!! ❤

xoxo Kim 😀

Hope

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As I have mentioned previously, in April this year, my sweet little pom mix, Koko died of old age. We had her for 12 years and she was 14 years old, almost. It’s one of the worst things that ever happened to me and one of the worst kinds of pain I ever felt and my heart will always be broken.
She had the sweetest little face, so innocent and angelic.   She was one of the most calmest, mild tempered dogs I have ever known. She was part pomeranian and part papapalya (sp?) and since I was never familiar with either one of those breeds, I never knew, and always wondered which one she more closely resembled.

Dogs don’t generally live to be much older than fourteen years old. And shortly before Koko’s death, she began to change. She was still the happy, sweet little girl she has always been but she began to be very slow and did not jump up to greet me as much, her breathing was different but she wasn’t sick or suffering. I knew deep inside it wouldn’t be much longer before we wouldn’t have our sweet girl with us anymore.   It was/is heartbreaking.

One day, a few days before Koko died, I was in Center City, Philadelphia with my family and I saw a lady walking two very small dogs who look exactly like Koko. Their faces are identical to hers except theirs are white while hers was tan. They look so innocent, sweet, angelic…so calm and peaceful like Koko always looked and always was.

I found these two babies to be beautiful but I felt my heart break some more knowing that soon, I would never see that face again except for in pictures. 

A few days later Koko died. I was devastated, to say the least. Many days and nights I jumped up in a panic with my heart nearly pumping out of my chest thinking, how can this be, how can she really be gone, how can I go on without my baby? I was angry for months, not at anyone or anything specifically, just furious off and on month after month. There are even a few days I wanted to die, the pain, the loss, the grief, the sorrow, was so overwhelming.

Shortly after Koko died, I was in a daze, I wasn’t myself, I functioned like a zombie, I went to a check cashing place with my mom. I saw a sign hanging up about purebred pomeranian puppies for sale by a family who had a litter of them.

I couldn’t believe it. I never seen signs advertising pom poms before, mostly pit bulls and Shepherds, never poms.

I knew I wanted one of those puppies but we already had three and my dad doesn’t care for having more than a couple animals so my mom and me thought he wouldn’t go for it.

I also did not want it to seem as if I was trying to replace Koko. No one can ever replace her. But someone can come along and help heal the pain of her loss.

I copied the number and when my dad came home, he very surprisingly agreed to let us look into it. I called the lady who made the sign. I rarely call people I don’t know for any reason. I’m very shy until getting to know someone. But I called. There was one little boy left who still needed his furever home.

So we went to the family’s house and there he was in a pac n play, standing up wagging his little tail, four months old. I fell in love.

He has Koko’s face. Sweet. Angelic. Calm. Innocent. The face I thought I would never see again. Never kiss again.

We brought him home and I love him more than words can say.

He looks exactly like Koko but he is nothing like her. He is wild, energetic, into everything, he begs and steals, he wakes me up. He chews everything he gets his little paws on. He ruined so many pairs of my shoes, including three pairs of stilettos, he playfully ripped my nose ring out that I had for nearly 10 years and it now closed up mostly, he pulls on my nose with his teeth in a silly, playful way…

And I couldn’t be happier with my boy.

I would give up all my material possessions for him.

He sleeps with me at night. Curled up around my neck, next to me, in my hair, in my arms, he loves to snuggle, he can’t give enough kisses.

He is so little but his heart is bursting with love.
He doesn’t replace Koko. No one ever will. My heart will always ache for Koko. My grief will always remain. But I love Emmy, my new baby, just as much.

My grief escalates now and then, it gets better and worse but will never go. And I don’t want it to go. I can still be happy with grief.

I carry Koko in my heart always & forever.

We cannot always choose what happens to us but we can learn how to effectively react to things and keep on going and going until things get better.

My message is one of hope. When Koko was on the verge of death and after her death, I was hopeless, sometimes to the point of despair. I never imagined something good would later come my way. But I was wrong.   There’s always hope even if we can’t currently feel it. Things can turn out better than we could have ever imagined.

Keep going, keep living….
Wake up & live all over again….
You can be stronger than you think.
You never know who you are inspiring. 
Who is falling in love with your smile.
Who is touched by your kindness.
Who wants to kiss away your tears.
Whose life is greatly impacted by yours.

When the world says, “Give up,”
Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”
– Anonymous

“What do we live for, if it is not
to make life less difficult for each other?”
– George Eliot

“There are no hopeless situations;
there are only men who have grown hopeless about them.”
– Clare Boothe Luce 

“Today I choose the higher road –
the path of charity, acceptance,
love, selflessness, kindness.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

“Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.”
– Henry Ward Beecher

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My sweet Koko.

Xoxo Kim

Grief, Loss, & Healing

I mentioned in previous posts that last month, my beautiful sweet fur baby, Koko died of old age. She was fourteen years old and my family had her for twelve years. It is one of the worst pains I have ever experienced. The fact that she was old and lived a full dog life with us brings me a sense of consolation but my grief was / is still so very strong.   It hurts. So deeply. She was a significant part of me. 

She slept with me and on my chest so many nights. I carried her around and loved and hugged and kissed her. I had her since I was a fourteen year old girl until I became a 26 year old woman.   It’s unbelievable that she’s gone.
I got her in high school and she was there at every stage of this life of mine.   When I struggled with depression, hospitalizations, graduations, loneliness, new people, college, just everything.

I can’t believe I’ll never hold her again.

Some moments that fact hits me so hard so deep. It cuts me. And it hurts. How can my sweet, sweet beautiful Koko be gone? Forever!? It’s incomprehensible.   It’s astounding.   I can’t believe it.

I can’t. It’s too sad. She was my baby. For about three weeks after Koko died, my grief was the number one thing I felt over anything.   I have a generally happy life so underneath my grief I felt happiness but it was drowned out by the grief. I could hardly laugh or joke and be my lighthearted self for weeks. Finally, my zest for life returned and my grief took the back burner and my happiness returned to the top again with some occasions my grief becoming strong again.

But generally, my happiness was at the front. I know grief heals but never ever goes away. The edge usually goes away in general and that raw pain like in the beginning doesn’t take over in general anymore. For many people, the raw pain may make an appearance through the years every now and then.   Maybe triggered by something or maybe just coming out of nowhere. But it’s no longer a constant after healing begins.

The raw pain of the loss of my sweet girl came back about a week ago.   I expected it would at some point. And I expected it would go again. For the last week I have been struggling hard with it. I miss my Koko and I want so badly to hold her close and kiss that sweet head again. She kissed Soooo much! She loved to kiss.

I have so many, many pictures of her and I am incredibly thankful for that even though it hurts to see them. I can see her so clearly in my memories.

I want my grief to continue healing but I don’t want it to ever go, as painful as it is. It is an indication of true love & blessing. 

It’s hard because not everyone understands the severe agony of pet loss so I cannot express my pain to everyone. Many, many people believe it’s just sad when a pet dies but not a “Real” or serious loss. People can think, feel what they will. But this is a big, and horrible loss for me.

I am angry. And I have been feeling as if I’m acting like a spoiled little ungrateful brat focusing on what I don’t have instead of what I do.

But I know that’s not true.   Grieving is ok.

Today I woke up with my heart pounding at the thought that I will never see my girl again. Not ever.

So I have to accept it. I have to. For me.

It’s not easy. But it just is. 

Shortly after Koko died, I saw a sign hanging up that said pomeranian puppies for sale. A family had a litter of puppies that their dogs unexpectedly had and they had to find homes.

We had three other dogs already and were not looking for another. My mom had to go to a check cashing place. I complained. I usually go everywhere with my mom and did not want to go but she had to so we went. I walked in the door with a heavy heart. So broken and heavy.

I stood there trying to keep my grief at bay. I looked up across the room for no reason and there was that sign!

I couldn’t believe it! Koko was part pomeranian!! And no dog can ever replace her and make it ok that she’s gone even if I love that dog just as much but I wanted to give one of those babies a home.

My mom told me to copy the info. But she said my dad probably would not allow us to get one of those pom poms because my dad doesn’t like to have more than a few pets and we already had some.

But I copied it and when he came home after work i told him about the sign. He wasn’t as thrilled as we were but surprisingly to us it wasn’t completely out of the question either. I’m very, very shy even on the phone and I rarely make phone calls to people I don’t know or know well.   Even as an adult I used to have my mom make my phone calls for me for things like therapists and stuff.

My dad told me to call the family selling those pups. Like I said before, these are not puppy mill or pet shop pups and I don’t support puppy mills and the atrocities and horror those places are full of. This is just a family with a litter of pups their dogs had.

Some how I mustered up the courage to call! And the lady told me there was one boy left! One boy waiting for his loving forever home!

I have never lived a day of my life without a pet and never will.   In my family we never ever give pets away. No matter what. No matter how bad they are. Lol! 🙂

And I  love them like people.   So I knew that boy would have a loving furever home with us.

He was the last pup just waiting. They had him in a playpen and he was standing up wagging his little  tail and was so so happy to see us. He smothered me with kisses when I held him. Just like Koko used to.  And he has Koko’s face! But certainly not her personality!   She was calm and gentle and reserved.

This little boy is a terror! He’s wild and energetic and gets into everything he can get his little paws on!

He wasn’t afraid or anxious coming with us. I am so thankful that it was him there who we got to bring home. We had him for a little bit over a month and I can’t imagine not having him.

He is absolutely perfect.   I love how it’s like honoring Koko. He’s the same breed but full breaded and he’s like her life’s gift to us. I would never ever have wanted Koko to go away just to get another new dog. I wanted to hold on to her forever.   But I couldn’t and with this horrible situation we have him. This perfect five month old little pup.

Even my dad, who was reluctant at first and likes to be in control of everything is happy we got him and he calls him his son! Lol

His name is Emmy.  And everyone loves him. Even the other dogs.   Boobie who was Koko ‘s best friend in the world and was heart broken to lose Koko did not like Emmy at first. She avoided him like the plague. Now she loves him and plays with him the most! Koko did not usually play, she just snuggled.   Boobie is ten years old and all she does is play with five month old Emmy! He brought out her playful side.

Sometimes at night when I’m grieving so hard over my loss, I look next to me and see sweet little Emmy sleeping and I am overcome with gratitude and joy. It doesn’t take away my severe pain but it does ease it somewhat to know something good has come of this agonizing circumstance. 

Yesterday Emmy ripped my nose ring out! It has been pierced for about nine years and was never out! But yesterday morning when I was half sleeping it looked like a great plaything and he leapt up and ripped it out! It was bleeding! It needs special equipment to get it on and off but somehow he got the ball off and it flared up my pain disorder so bad. So my pain has been quite excruciating!   Tomorrow I have to go to the piercing place and get it put back in.

I love that sweet boy.

My mom, dad, and sister believe in signs and that things were /are “Meant to Be.”. I do not believe that.  They believe Emmy is “God’s ” gift or that Koko sent him to us. I don’t believe in anything of that sort but I love the way it all worked out.

I wanted to write something for myself to express my pain inside but also to let people know or remind people of the blessings all around, even in horrific situations. There’s always something good. It’s ok to grieve how you must as long as it takes.

I have lost animals my whole life because I have always had them and it’s always sad. But as a teenager and younger I did not feel negative or painful emotions as strongly as when I grew up.

Another sad loss I have experienced two years ago this month is the loss of a human friend, John. I never hung out with him but I saw him frequently and I love/d him as a friend. He died of an illness of the liver. It was shocking and devastating and still is sometimes. It is also one of the worst kinds of pain I ever had to endure.  But I let myself grieve and heal.

I am blessed with happy, loving, & funny memories of him.

He was a friendly, funny, and very loving man. And I am blessed to have known him.

One song that helped me cope with his death is: “Return to Innocence” by Enigma.

“Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide”

Shortly after he died I felt guilty for still feeling pleasure in things but I know I can’t stop living just because others have died. I am still here and I must go on.

My heart goes out to anyone who is grieving for any reason whether your loss is recent or many, years ago.   I hope you soon find the strength, hope, and consolation you need.

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Sweet Koko. April 1999 – April 2013

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Sweet little Emmy.

Xox0 Kim

pet loss & grief </3 <3

 

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a

ve a heavy heart today and am struggling with grief for the last few days.

 

On April 6, four days ago I posted pictures of my two birthday girls, Koko & Isis Summerjo on Facebook and wrote about how my family is going to celebrate their birthdays on Isis’ birthday next week. My furbabies. Both of them have birthdays in April. Isis’ birthday is April 14th and she will be six years old. Koko’s birthday in is April but we don’t know exactly which day. My aunt gave her to us many years ago and mentioned that her birthday is in April.

Koko was fourteen years old this month and we had her for twelve years. On April 7th, 2013, the day after I posted the picture of Koko and wrote about celebrating her birthday very soon, she died. It hurts me to write those words. She wasn’t suffering and she was always very loved. She was old for a dog but that does not in any way ease my grief or sense of loss.

I love animals and to me they are not “just animals”. Koko wasn’t “just a dog.”. She was my friend & my family and a big part of me just like my other three dogs, Oscar, Isis Summerjo, and Boobie are. I have lost other pets to different things and it is always very sad.

For the last couple of weeks Koko began to change in some ways. She became slower and her breathing changed. She wasn’t sick though and she still would eat & drink and was still happy. But I was able to sense changes in her that were not good.

These changes were devastating to me because even though they were not seriously dramatic, I knew they were inductions that Koko would probably not be around much longer.

This hurt me desperately.

I never wanted to be prepared for that loss. Koko slept in bed with me all snuggled up in the blankets next to me or laying on my chest all night many nights.

She always kept her little tongue out. She was so adorable and beautiful.

The night before Koko took her last breath when I walked in my house three of my dogs jumped up to greet me like usual. But Koko did not. She just laid there on the sofa and looked up at me.

This was very unusual for her. She was never a very energetic girl but she would always greet me when I walked in. I knew then for sure that I would not have many more days with her.

Then I woke up in the morning and my mom & dad came in my room to tell me she died shortly before I woke up.

All day that day and all the days after I have been very sad and grieving.

It doesn’t feel the same without her. I have a house full of all kinds of furbabies and featherbabies but her lack of presence is agonizing and obvious.

And one of the worse things is Koko and my other baby, Boobie were extremely close and literally inseparable for over 10 years and they loved each other more than anything else. I have never seen animals with a love like that for each other.

They defended each other against the big bad kitties and they snuggled together all day long. 

Now Boobie doesn’t know what is going on. She doesn’t know where her best friend is. She barks and cries now when she never did before. She shakes and keeps looking in the yard.

For us, at least we know what’s going on. We know what happened to Koko.

And I can try to find ways to cope with it.

We had Boobie since she was a few months old and since then she has never lived a day without Koko by her side.

It hurts to wake up and Koko isn’t there and to lay wrapped in my blankets knowing that’s what Koko loved to do and now she can’t.

I feel sorry for Koko that she doesn’t get to live anymore and that she misses out on all the things she loved. I know she doesn’t know she’s missing out but it hurts just the same.

Almost every night after work I would bring home four treats, one for each baby. All four of them would jump happily and come running over for their treat. I share my snacks with them and break a piece off for each one.

It hurts me now to only bring home three treats and to break things into only three pieces and no longer four.

I am happy & blessed that Koko was my furbaby for 12 years and she lived a long and happy life.

The way I handle my grief is similar to the way I handle my depression. I just go about my days as usual, not repressing or denying my pain, although sometimes I want to.

But I won’t collapse into my bed or the floor and stay day and night giving up everything, although sometimes I want to do that too. Different people handle pain differently and I don’t think one way is better than another. It’s all up to the person.

I have grieved before over people and animals and I find that going to work helps me in some ways. I love being around and interacting with people even through my grief.

I am still able to find joy in the small things. 

A couple days ago I saw someone’s old, half-eaten lunch on the side of the road and I had to chuckle.

And then a young man walking up the street saw me and said “Yeah, I love this weather; girls are all walking around wearing next to nothing!”. And I found myself laughing again.

I recently went to Johnny Rockets Restaurant with my family and a worker there was dancing around to the Oldie’s music with the cooking utensils. It was so hilarious! I actually got one of those good belly laughs!!

I have found that my grief fluctuates in waves each moment. Some occasions are ok or good while others seem unbearable.

I know my sense of loss and my pain will never go away but I will learn to live with it and cope with it after days, weeks, months.

On Sunday, April 14th, we will be celebrating my pitbull, Isis Summerjo’s sixth birthday!!

We always celebrate their birthdays and anniversaries.

They love special treats and Isis loves toys!! 😀

Unlike my other dogs and cats, Isis is extremely sensitive to the environment and aware of everything going on around her. She loves and craves and demands extra love & attention. My dad calls her an affection hog. She is a very large dog in terms of her weight.

She is low to the ground but she is very plump and weighs over 80 pounds. Boy pits tend to be larger than girl ones and she’s bigger than the average boy! Lol! ❤

She loves when we sing to her. And she pushes the other dogs away when we talk to them so that she can get all the lovin’ for herself!  

Last year on her birthday we sang happy birthday to her and she was thrilled!  

Then a couple weeks later my mom & sister sang happy birthday to me on my b-day and she thought it was her’s again! Lol it was adorable!

Recently I got two tennis balls at my work for her as a b-day gift for next week.

I kept them hidden in my handbag.

But Isis goes in my bag and snoops around because she knows treats are often in there.

One night when I went out, I came home and found one of the tennis balls on the floor! She went in my bag and took it out to play with!

Then in the morning while I was sleeping she took the other one! Lol! It’s the cutest thing ever!!

She steals whatever she can get her paws on! ❤

On Thanksgiving my mom made a turkey for my dad, sister, and herself(I’m a vegetarian so none for me) and Isis jumped up at the table and carried off with the entire turkey! My dad was pissed! Lmao!

But my mom got it quick enough!

I know that animals grieve like people do but they don’t know what is going on. I am sad for my other dogs. Boobie especially and then Isis really seem to sense the loss.

 It’s weird not to have her here today and to think that everyday she will not be here.

 

Koko brought us lots of joy, love, and happiness throughout the years and that’s what matters now.

❤ ❤ </3 </3 ❤ ❤

 

I hope everyone is having a good day/night and if you are grieving over a sad loss, you’re not alone. I’m here grieving too. </3 <3. It’s ok to feel angry and sad and devastated and to express it in healthy ways. Not everyone understands how deep someone’s grief over pet loss can be. Many people feel that it is not justified and do not understand the magnitude of pain and loss of a pet. But there are many who do understand. It’s important to care for yourself even during the grief and loss. Sleep when you’re tired. Eat when you’re hungry. It’s important to nourish your body. It’s ok to feel joy or not for a while. You can cry or not or laugh if you want. Your grief doesn’t have to look or feel like anyone else’s or any certain way. My heart goes out to anyone grieving any kind of loss.

 

 

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

 

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

 

 

“To love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you’ve held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

your throat filled with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face

between your palms, a plain face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you, again.” 

 

Ellen Bass

 

X0xo Kim ❤ 

 

P.S. Koko is the baby laying on top. The pomeranian mix.

Boobie is the chihuahua mix and that big baby in the other pic is Isis Summerjo!! ❤