Tag Archive | philosophy

Humble

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“I believe that the first test of a great man is his humility. I don’t mean by humility, doubt of his power. But really great men have a curious feeling that the greatness is not of them, but through them. And they see something divine in every other man and are endlessly, foolishly, incredibly merciful.” ~ John Ruskin

This quote is full of so much wisdom! Being humble is a good thing and doesn’t mean we are not confident in our own views, ways, lives, self…

Sometimes it’s tempting to boast or become arrogant when we feel that we know something or come to see things in a more enlightened way than before or more enlightened way than it seems most around us see things. And even if we are correct and others are wrong, it’s still better, in my opinion, to be compassionate and humble. So what if we’re right and they are all wrong? It doesn’t make us better or more valuable than others. It doesn’t make us more worthy of anything. It doesn’t make us great to brag or be proud (at the expense of others) of our own great qualities. 

Also, it’s possible to be one hundred percent certain we are right…..then find out we were wrong all along! lol There have been occasions I would be arguing with someone and *know* I was the right one only to find out later that I was in fact very wrong!
I was completely convinced I was right. You never know, you may just be wrong. 

It’s good to be open to hearing all sides of things even if we know we are right. This can deepen our empathy and also help strengthen our own views and arguments. Why only want to remain “safe” in our own world of only things that confirm what we believe or know? Isn’t it great to be challenged? Even when it’s uncomfortable? I think so! 

I believe it’s best not to view ourself as somehow “special” or different or greater than the rest. We may have greater intelligence or compassion or beauty, more skills or talents or money or friends or be more giving and have better morals or anything than someone else but that doesn’t make us a better person. Also, while there’s so many less wise and intelligent than we are or think we are, there’s so many who are more wise and intelligent. And we can always learn something new no matter how much we already know. Everyone can teach us or remind us something even if it’s simply how not to be.  It’s possible to cherish our great qualities without feeling like we are somehow great or above others. I believe in what he says, greatness works through us. 

Anyone can be great. There are so many ways to allow greatness to work through us. Let’s welcome every opportunity to allow it. 

This quote is a great reminder that it’s possible to be self confident while remaining humble and open.

One of the best quotes ever! 😀

Much love & light to you,


Xoxo Kim 

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Perspective

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“Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (’cause)
Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain” ~ Jo Dee Messina

I took this picture a few weeks ago on Thursday (and put a blur effect on it) and for some reason it looks like it’s the dead of Winter. What is up with the bare trees on the side?! Lol! There’s fluffy green ones that appear to be quite fruitful,  in the back but what about those ones?! The barren ones.  I burst out laughing when I saw them! It’s the dog days of Summer! Then my mom who was also laughing (she can be easily amused like me, just not as much usually), showed me the same kind of dead looking trees across the street! I don’t recall ever seeing bare trees like this in Summer before. Maybe they were always there but I just wasn’t paying attention(how unfortunate!). I know in April there’s a mixture of bare and blooming trees because Winter is still just ending and Spring is beginning. But it’s July! 

Anyway, I was recently thinking about how almost nothing (some people would say absolutely nothing) exists inherently. It’s all about our perception or perspective. Two people can look at the very same thing and one sees something completely different. In fact, one person can look at something one moment then later look at that same thing but view it differently even when the thing hasn’t changed.

The weather for example, some people view dreary, rainy days as miserable while someone else is inspired and thrilled. One person can be thrilled about hot, humid days while others find them to be disgusting. Also, just look at the reviews for books, hundreds of people say it’s amazing then hundreds more say the same book sucks. It’s the same exact book! This just goes to show it’s all about how we view things. Is one person really right and one wrong? Or when I view something one way then my perception changes about that same thing later, was I right then or now? 

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In my daily book of positive quotations, I found this quote:

“A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.” ~ James Lowell

It reminds me to try to change my perspective when I’m struggling with depression. I’m generally very positive, even when I’m depressed, I often find things to see beauty in. But when I’m severely depressed, it is so hard to see life as a whole, in a positive way. I still see specific  beautiful things around me but ultimately I’m hopeless or so stuck in a very negative state. 

I noticed that some of the things that I view as positive or neutral when I’m not depressed, suddenly become very negative to me when I am depressed.

When depression hits me, every little thing is easy to interpret as negative. If someone looks at me when I’m depressed, I can take it as a bad thing, like that person thinking something negative, even if the person compliments me, I can misinterpret it as being mocked instead of sincere, if someone I know walks by me and doesn’t say hello, I can automatically take it very personally and negatively, where if this happens when I’m not depressed, I don’t really care why the person did this or can think maybe the person did not see me or did not want to talk to anyone. When I’m depressed, I often think of all the negative things people ever did to me or said to me, even years ago. As soon as my depression lifts, I no longer care and even realize that some of those things weren’t even negative.

There are days I am so thankful and think this life is a beautiful one, I have a house to live in, good health, a couple of friends, a family, a job, my senses….and the very next day or even the same day, I become depressed and feel that it is a terrible one, I live in a house but it’s not my own, I live with my mom, dad, and sister and feel that I’m not acting as a responsible adult, I have a job but not a “real” one, my health isn’t as good as it can be, I don’t have many friends, my family isn’t perfect….when my life is no different that day than the day before when it was absolutely beautiful! Nothing changed but my perspective. 

It’s all about perspective. 

Noticing this about myself, often helps me significantly when I slip into a depressive episode. I remind myself that this negative sensitivity to everything around me is only because of my condition. It’s an illusion. It won’t make my depression go away but it can help me cope and make it so my depression doesn’t get even worse by dwelling on the negative. I keep making it a point to change my views and my thoughts into more positive ones and remind myself how just recently, I viewed these very same things very positively. 

This can also help people who aren’t depressed or don’t have depression ever.  It doesn’t take just depression for us to sometimes view things negatively and feel completely low. 
Sometimes we can think our friend or lover or relationship or job is perfect or amazing then later see all the ways they can be better. Our mood can affect our perspective. 

Our situation can be exactly the same today as it was yesterday but we can see it in a very different way. It’s actually quite fascinating! 

Even if something was always bad or we always viewed it that way, we can still try to view the situation more positively. Maybe it’s teaching us something or it’s necessary to get to something better. If we can’t change it, let’s change our attitude. 

One way I found to help this is to intentionally focus on the positive in the people and things around us and remind our self that maybe it’s only our mood clouding our perception anyway. Make it a point to look for the good in everything and tolerate or accept the bad when we can’t distance our self. 

I was browsing songs on YouTube and came across the song “No Scrubz” by TLC.

Remember that song? 

No Scrubz – mobile

No Scrubz – desktop

I think it’s kind of rude. 

She criticizes him for thinking he’s “fine” or something like that, for trying to get with her while hanging in his best friend’s car, for living with his mom, for looking like trash, while she’s looking classy, for being a broke ass (lol), for talking about all that he wants while having no money…

When I first listened to this song recently, after not hearing it in years, I automatically saw the good in this “scrub.” He doesn’t have money but he does have a best friend and a mom and his mom allows him to live with her. That’s better than money! Best friends and moms are the best to have! Who cares about money! Lol And it’s clear in the song that he does have a phone number, whether his or his mom’s or someone else’s, he has access to phone service! 
Also, while it’s not really respectable to be yelling to girls while driving by, he’s complimenting her for being pretty, that’s better than saying someone looks like trash. 
I would prefer a scrub to be yelling out at me about how pretty I am than an abusive person telling me I look like trash(not everyone who calls someone trash is abusive, imo).
Some people appear to be respectable, have money, a job, a great house, education…but act in an abusive or cruel way or just not very pleasant.
I will take the scrub any day! Lol
He’s saying something good about her! I would prefer someone being kind of trashy than someone acting incredibly stuck up calling people trash. And at least he has things he wants. He may not act on it but at least he’s not dead, he has desire. That itself counts for something. I am especially aware of this because when I’m very depressed, I often have no desire and am numb and lifeless. So when someone or me has passion or desire or hunger, I am inspired. 

Again, I see the difference in perspective. Two people can look at one person or thing and see them in a completely contrasting way. 

She sees a complete loser while I think he’s not so bad. And this isn’t to bash her or the song. I can’t deny that the song is funny and has good music and a sweet tune. And she certainly has good things about her too! She can sing well! She can dance! She likely won’t get into a car with a stranger. That’s good! She clearly has a high opinion of herself. That is very good. It’s not good to be stuck up but a woman with confidence is sexy. Maybe she can tone it down a bit in one way but it’s ultimately a good attitude to have. She has all these good things about her. And many other things. She’s pretty also. She’s pleasing to look at. 

I chose this song as an example because I have been listening to it recently and it happens to be a good example for this topic. It’s just random or coincidental. 

And I, myself have had low opinions of some men yelling at me while driving, not all but some, especially when they follow me and try to block me and don’t take no for an answer. 

Annoying! Lol

But I want to encourage us all to attempt to have a positive perspective often. It doesn’t mean we have to like and accept everything and everyone but it doesn’t hurt to notice the good, even in people and things we don’t like. It’s a great habit to develop or strengthen.

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If we look closely enough, we can always find a splash of color even in the grayest, darkest, bluriest places.

Much love to you! ❤

Xoxo Kim 😀

It is the question that drives us

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“I’ve got a song
I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud” ~ Jim Croce

Often, many of us think results are most important, getting, receiving, things working out in the end, the end result, succeeding the way we intended….and while those things can be important, I realize more and more that the most important thing is our drive, our intention, will, inspiration, motivation itself, not always just the results.

This is something that I think people who have suffered a serious physical illness/pain or severe depression may be able to understand better than people who have never experienced those things. But I think anyone can come to see my point, whether or not you agree.

When we are severely sick or deeply depressed, we can lose our appetite. Not just for food but for life. It’s like there’s nothing. Just nothingness and emptiness and numbness. For some of us, sometimes we don’t even want to win. Often, we don’t want to live or to die. Even wanting to die takes a kind of passion and energy. If you want to die, there’s a spark in you somewhere. Seize that spark and hang onto it like your life depends on it. It does. 

Take that little sliver of life still left in you and use it for the better. Apply it to something other than wanting to die. Even when it’s hard. Use that little spark to help others, help the environment, do volunteer work, create something, post words of wisdom to uplift or inspire someone else, keep pushing through the numbness and lifelessness and pain and do something, anything, for the better…

“Always have the highest bar for yourself. Wake up everyday and, no matter how crappy you feel, want to change something for the better. Do something that makes someone happy. Create something that inspires someone. Be someone’s light when they are hopeless.” – Dave Grohl

Just the fact that we have passion, interest is an amazing thing even if everything crumbles to seemingly irreparable pieces in the end. But often, people don’t think of this. We are too focused on the end, not the journey itself. 

I thought about this more last week while reading a text about the movie the “Matrix” and philosophy. The “Matrix” movie is deeply philosophical but many people don’t realize or care about that aspect. It’s just a fun, action packed thriller, probably, for the average person. But for those with philosophical minds and especially us philosophy phreaks, we see and love that it runs deeper than that.

In some ways, the story is extremely similar to the story of Socrates, the ancient philosopher who is said to have been put to death for challenging the common beliefs of society, shaking up the status quo. According to the ancient texts, Socrates was constantly nagging people, but with loving intentions, about the nature of things and beliefs that no one else questioned and just accepted as truth.

This led to him being executed, according to the old writings, mostly by Plato.

Check out some of Plato’s writings for free, here if you want:

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/13726/13726-h/13726-h.htm

Socrates is often considered to be arrogant, as he questions and questions until the poor person contradicts himself or makes a mistake, but he is completely humble. He backs people into corners and intimidates them. But only because he believes it’s important to think and question and own up to flaws in our reasoning and belief systems. He believes examination of how we live is more crucial than anything, for living a good life. 

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Socrates questions and intimidates and puts people in awkward situations where they contradict themselves, yet he admits that he knows absolutely nothing. That he knows nothing more than anyone else.

“Wisest is she who knows she does not know.”

He does this excessive questioning just for the sake of questioning and exploring. The fact that he believes he knows nothing but still badgers people like this knowing that he can’t possibly judge their answers as correct or incorrect since he doesn’t know himself, reveals that his quest is mostly to shed light on the fact that questioning itself, exploration, examination alone is crucial for a good life. (I wouldn’t recommend his way of going about it though, forcing people to stand there and answer when it’s annoying the piss out of them!)

Here’s an example of Socrates’ exasperating method of questioning:

Socrates: What is holy?

Euthyphro: Holiness is what all the gods love and its opposite is what all the gods hate, unholiness.

Socrates: Is what is holy holy because the gods approve it, or do they approve it because it is holy? 

And on and on. 

What a gadfly Socrates is! Lol But he does have a point, doesn’t he? And the fact that someone loves something is not essential to the thing’s nature. It’s not its nature. It’s accidental. If someone stops loving something, that something still is what it always was. I love Coca Cola, always have, always will but if I stop loving it, it’s still the same substance. Maybe it would be different if I were a goddess as opposed to the mere mortal that I am, and I love it?

In philosophy we have a specific definition for “accidental.” An accidental quality is simply a trait that is part of someone or something but not crucial to its essence or nature. My eye color for example. It doesn’t make me what I am. If it changes or was never what it is but a different color instead, I would still be the me that I now am. (at least I think so) In fact my eyes were always pure blue then when I was a teenager, they turned bright green mixed with blue! (I was freaked out…) But I’m still me. Hair color, size…are other examples of accidental qualities. And think of coffee with a flavor, say, raspberry, the raspberry flavoring is accidental, not essential. Coffee is coffee with or without raspberry flavor. Anyway here I am doing what I do best, getting carried away while writing and going off on a tangent! 
(in Philosophy, we speak/write of philosophers  as if they are alive even if they haven’t been alive in centuries, it’s just what we do! Lol)

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Coincidentally I was thinking about posting this topic on Sunday before the free hugging event and then I experienced something where I was able to apply it!

Sunday, May 3rd, was Global Free Hug Day! I got out of the house and to the park later than I planned and I couldn’t stay long. I decided to try LOVE park first! The famous Philadelphia park with the big LOVE statue that people all around the country or world come to visit and get weddings pics and other pictures and things in front of it! (I get to see it everyday if I want! Lol sorry, just had to brag! ;-D) 

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And it’s there that I experienced the most love out of the parks I visited! No one really stops to read signs often! I was with my mom and sister who did not want to participate so it was just me hugging and no one was really looking at me. Some people quickly glanced at my sign (which I think turned out beautifully even with my dreadful handwriting!) and looked away not really reading! It can be awkward looking at a stranger and reading something that stranger is holding. 

My mom told me i wasn’t  going to get any hugs! 😦 Because no one was walking near me and I couldn’t stay very long! Also, I’m not loud or very bold. So I wasn’t going to yell “free hugs!!!” like some people!! It took enough courage just to stand there with the sign! 😀 But I did! 

It was disappointing but I was reminded that all that matters is that I have the inspiration and motivation and courage to participate in free hug day! 
All we can really do is attempt! 

We can appreciate that we have the will, the desire, the motivation and inspiration, the love, the life in us, to do something.

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So at least I had the will, passion, and desire. That’s not to say people who don’t want to participate in free hug day don’t have passion, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but since I do like things like this, it’s great to have the motivation! And this goes for anything we have motivation to do.  This is just one example. 

As I mentioned in a somewhat recent post, I have been struggling hard with grief. We lost my close friend/coworker, Diane(she was 58 years old), a couple months ago, unexpectedly and I have been grieving since she died and always will but it was really hitting me hard for a while. So hard. The more days that would go by, the more difficult it would get. It’s worse now than when it first happened. For days and days the worst of it wouldn’t let up. It’s not depression, just raw agonizing grief that hurts so much I can hardly stand it.  And anxiety and fear, sometimes close to panic. This is the longest I have gone without seeing Diane, in the almost ten years I have known her. It feels extremely confusing. She was very loving, funny, and beautiful. 

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A couple days before global Free Hug day, I thought I had no strength to do much and while I still wanted to do hug day, I wasn’t sure how I could but I reminded myself it has the potential to help others. And if something can result in even a fraction of good for someone else, it is worth doing no matter how lifeless it feels or in pain I am.  I can keep on pushing through it all whether it’s grief and loss, depression, physical pain..even when it seems I have no strength or courage. 

But I did have the strength and motivation to do hug day and other things I thought I couldn’t do. And I told myself that’s all that matters! 

Anyway, I did get a couple hugs! Yay!! And some beautiful pics of the park! And I will post about Hug Day soon! The pics are on my other memory card and I’m having some problems with my phone and the cards and I want to include the pics! 😀

I am reminded of Nimo Patel’s “Planting Seeds” song about how all

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we can do is try then let go and whatever happens, happens and that’s it. 

Here are some of his lyrics. 

“…but the roots are always growin’ no matter if I’m there or never around…whatever grows will grow, whatever dies will die, whatever works will work, whatever flies will fly, whatever fails will fail, what’s meant to soar will soar, I am planting seeds, nothing more.” 

“It’s like your whole life you’ve been training for this moment 
And when the time comes you just disown it,
Meaning you just surrender don’t control it…”

“But now we’re learning when we let it go, it overflows 
With no credit to take cuz no credit is owned.”

“…but the real gold is joy, when life starts to flow
And when it does, you just smile, cuz now you know!” 

Here’s the video:

Mobile:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhcKIGCE_Pk

Desktop:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=ZhcKIGCE_Pk

I wrote about this topic in my super long “Fear & Hunger” post a while ago.  

Check it out here if you want:

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/12/16/fear-hunger/

And I am also reminded of another beautiful song I listened to for as long as I can remember and it often helped me with my depression when I was young, before I learned to cope well, and is still one of my favorite songs! It’s Jim Croce’s “I Got a Name.”

Here is the desktop video version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHVBzLGAIbU&app=desktop

Mobile:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hHVBzLGAIbU&app=m&persist_app=1

If you listen closely to the lyrics, you can hear the message. It’s about living and loving and being inspired in general no matter what happens or doesn’t.  It’s about living with a song in our hearts and if it doesn’t work out for us, let’s just be happy we tried. Intention, trying, the will and desire counts for something!

So let’s honor our drive, our motivation, our inspiration and desire. Our will. Let’s cherish it and be mindful of it. It’s good to win and succeed how we planned. But it’s even better to want to win and succeed. Wanting to win is everything, even if we are greatly disappointed in the end. We can still appreciate our desire and will. Let’s find our inner song and embrace it even if it seems to lead us nowhere. Just having a song in us is cause for celebration. 

I’m wishing you much love now & always!!

Xoxo Kim

Serendipitous Strength

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(that’s fake blood on my face for a haunted house attraction for Halloween)

I love funny and silly surveys for blogs and Facebook, like a list of weird, stupid, funny questions…would you rather be ridiculously rich financially but butt ugly physically or amazingly gorgeous, beautiful beyond belief physically but dirt poor financially? Would you rather eat hair or lick a toilet seat? Would you rather be in a dark, creepy room alone or in a well lit room with Michael Jackson? lol They’re funny questions. I would choose to be poor and beautiful. And I would lick the toilet seat over eating hair any day. Loose hair is disgusting. Aack! And I like Michael Jackson but not creepy dark rooms alone so I would choose the lit up room with him. ;-D

But anyway….i came across this question 

Would you rather be buried alive or stabbed to death? 

Horrible thought, right?! 

But I find it enlightening. It provoked me even more to think about the strength deep within me that I accidentally found and accidentally developed.

I would choose to be buried alive. 

Not so long ago, I couldn’t even imagine saying that. I just couldn’t imagine.

 First of all, if I am buried alive, maybe I can find a way out or someone can find me before it’s too late. Being stabbed is so violent! 
There are rare(at least I hope being buried alive is rare!!!) cases where someone has been buried alive and somehow escaped or was found before it was too late. 

I used to have an extreme fear of being closed in with or without others there with me. Closed in anywhere. Even a large room or building. I would avoid closed in places like the plague. Then my fear got somewhat better when I was eighteen years old in college. In this one building I wasn’t aware that we were allowed to use the stairs. It turns out, we actually were but I never knew til a long while later. Everyday I had to go in that building I had to desperately hope there were others waiting to go on the elevator when I was because I couldn’t bring myself to go on alone. I used to go early and just linger around the hall waiting for someone who was going on. (creepy, right?! :-O lol) I never said that I was waiting. Just when I saw someone going on, I would too. If the person got off before the floor I was going to, I would get off too then walk up the steps to the floor I was going. 

 Then I met a girl. One who had the same class and we got talking to each other and I found that she had the same problem! 
One day I got to the elevator and she was waiting too! And she told me she’s seriously afraid of small places and won’t get on without someone else! What are the chances?! I was embarrassed at first and wouldn’t really tell people but I opened up about it when I met her.

We conquered our fear together. 😀

I always thought of this fear as a weakness and never met anyone else that I knew of who has it this bad, my dad is like this but his never seemed as bad. Everyone I knew could get on with no problem, it seemed.

And when I met her, I was sooo happy! Lol Also, we were both very shy until getting to know someone better but we both had no problem with public speaking because it’s just something we had to do for class. We both loved meeting people we never met but were often too shy to initiate socialization first. But somehow we found each other! I haven’t seen or talked to her in many, many years. But the impact is everlasting. ❤

After that, I got more used to going in small places, elevators with people and I was mostly only panicked when I was closed in alone. Before that, I would avoid elevators at all costs and shake at the very thought of them or seeing them in movies. I often had nightmares of being closed in or trapped somewhere alone.
I couldn’t even stand walking by elevators or being in the same building with one. This was always the only thing that scared me about hospitals. I would shake walking through narrow staircases even with people. I felt like my body was turning to jelly. 

One day when I was a teenager I had to get on an elevator alone. I was in the US Constitution Center at some event and the only way to leave the building was to get on an elevator. They said I had no choice. There was no one else around and the security guard said I had to get on the elevator so I did. I went into a serious panic and I pressed my fingernails into the skin over my hip bone and just kept scratching until it bled and the doors opened. I was so scared, that was just what I did, unconsciously.

I never worked on this fear specifically but during my personal development journey, my quest to find healing, working on myself to help heal my depression and cope with tmjd “cluster headaches” without realizing it, I was conquering my fear of being closed in. With my personal development plan I teach myself and train my brain to know I can handle and conquer anything. To know I will always be free no matter what position I’m in in this life. To know life is a gift no matter what. To see positivity and opportunity in any situation no matter how dreadful.  I trained my brain with meditation and quotes and music and songs and writing to stay calm and composed for the most part, in any situation no matter what, no matter how painful physically or emotionally. I still struggle with this a bit sometimes, especially with severe physical pain. I’m much better at handling deep emotional pain than very severe physical pain. A certain level of physical pain that I experience occasionally can still seem too much to bear. 

It’s at a frightening level and it’s not common that people ever feel it to this extent. Not even prescription pain pills can touch it. 
But I work on myself constantly and even when I’m freaking out aggressively over a tmjd cluster headache, I still keep telling myself I will survive. 
I was trying to heal my depression and cope with it and cope with those head attacks.

And much to my amazement this was helping me all along with my fear! My phobia(i wasn’t actually diagnosed with a phobia but it may have met the criteria, I don’t know for sure) wasn’t destroying my life usually, because I was just able to mostly avoid small places but there were some occasions I couldn’t and had to be closed in somewhere.

Some people have a phobia where they can’t avoid the thing they fear or even if they can they can’t help but dwell on it constantly and it runs their lives. That was never me but there are occasions I embarrassed myself in public, especially as a kid, when I had to go on elevators or narrow staircases. And occasions I was extremely fearful knowing I had to go in a large building where there’s elevators. Somewhat recently I went on a job interview. I did not get the job but I had to go on an elevator by myself, they wouldn’t let me on the stairs going up, I asked, I was told no. I wanted to run out but I had the interview scheduled and I knew it wouldn’t be good to have them waiting and I never show up, years ago I would have been out the door so fast with the interview the last thing on my mind. So I reluctantly got on the elevator, alone, and while my heart started to speed a bit because of being closed in and for a few seconds I was overwhelmed in immense fear, like panic, I handled it so well. No panic. No breakdown. Just staying calm. It was so surprising. And just as much of an accomplishment as getting a job! Maybe more?
It wasn’t a happenstance. I worked to get to this point. (though unknowingly lol) I am so strong now. In so many ways.

 Then leaving the building I had a choice to take the stairs or the elevator. Just a couple years ago I would have taken the stairs without a second thought. Even last year. But on the interview I made the CHIOCE to take the elevator alone to get more practice and was even more calm than the first occasion going up! What a great accomplishment for me! 
It may not seem that big to some people but for someone like me, it is a tremendous thing.

Also I don’t like closing doors to small rooms even in my own house but in the bathroom there are parakeets flying around and we have to close the door. I was getting a shower one day and had to close the door. The handle is broke and I got locked in! I went into a bit of a panic. Not a full blown panic, but an intense fear, I guess you can say.  Not how people with panic attacks do. Not that bad. But I was pulling the door and banging on it hoping someone would hear. No one did. But I calmed down and reminded myself. Life is beautiful no matter what. I have the sunlight streaming in the window, I have my senses, the parakeets, meditation, Buddhism and Stoicism ….the window is too small for me to fit through so that wasn’t an option. And it’s on the second floor, it wouldn’t be safe to jump. I don’t want broken bones or whatever. But just some years ago I would have jumped if I could, risking injuries. I was there for like 20 minutes before I finally got the door open.

A couple nights ago I went to the Philadelphia Eastern State Penitentiary with my sister and my dad for the Haunted attraction. It’s a real abandoned prison that is in a state of semi-ruin, almost 200 years old. It’s said by ghost investigators to be truly haunted all year. Lol  It’s open all year but the rest of the year is just a prison exhibit to learn of its history, which is very interesting.

For the Halloween attraction every October, we get to walk through the dark prison inside and out in the courtyards when it’s at night, in groups. It has lights flashing, people screaming, monsters walking around, “prisoners” trying to attack us through their cells, monsters, all kinds of creepy, scary stuff. There’s lock down, the infirmary, night watch, an abandoned bus in a junkyard and other attractions we walk through. Things randomly and unexpectedly jump out at us, sometimes screaming and with weapons! There’s 3D things and people jumping through walls at us. They come right up to us with weapons holding them over our heads or up to our faces. Lol Isn’t it insane that people actually take pleasure in this? But something about a certain kind of fear is quite thrilling for people. Like amusement park rides and sky diving. And scary movies & books.
Also, I think our brains are not aware of the difference of what is real and what is not. Seeing, hearing horror in movies and things, the human brain cannot distinguish the difference. We know it’s not real but some part of our brain does not know and it has a negative/fearful effect on is, even later. That’s why too much fake horror isn’t good for us. I used to have a psychiatrist who told me that and I noticed it too when I read too many horror books close together. It has an unpleasant effect. He advised me to avoid fake horror all together. It’s not good for anyone and especially those prone to anxiety or depressive conditions.

It’s fun. And scary. I’m not afraid of monsters and ghosts and stuff but it’s kind of startling to have people looking all dead with blood all over them, screaming and with weapons jumping out in the dark at me with just an eerie glow around the prison.

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(inside the prison – imagine walking up this long hallway knowing at any moment something or someone can and probably will jump out at you. Lol creepy!)

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(it was the perfect night for a haunted house – or prison – because there was a full Moon or almost full Moon and I kept seeing it when we walked in and out of the prison into the courtyards)

They’re not allowed to touch us and we are not allowed to touch them. But this year they had something different where the bravest of the brave can wear a bright pink glow necklace they give us and this gives the monsters (the actors working in the prison) permission to touch us, grab us, snatch us, hold us back, separate us so we lose our groups, toss us into secret passageways, and do other terrible stuff. I haven’t been there in a couple years until a couple nights ago. So this was new to me.

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I love haunted houses and stuff but my one fear has always been being separated and ending up in a small, dark place alone. This still scares me. I fear dark places as well but not as much as small or closed in places. 

But I decided to be brave that night and wear the necklace. I was abducted, strangled, held back, got my hair pulled, forced by two monster dentists to sit in a dentists chair so they can pull out all my teeth…they put the loud thing all the way to my mouth then I escaped! 

I was almost forced into a small cell and into a weird tunnel but I ran screaming. And the monsters laughed at me. Lol

Most people did not take the necklaces and some who did decided to take them off and toss them so the monsters could no longer touch them. Even my dad took his off and hid it.

Chicken shits. Lol ;-D

I was one of the brave few who kept mine on throughout the entire prison, not once taking it off. Yay me! Lol Although at one point the thought occurred to me but I sucked it up and kept going. 

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(me with my medal of honor lol)

It took balls. Especially when most people were not wearing them so there was not many choices for the monsters and so the few of us who were wearing them were the ones who kept getting all the attention. At one point I was the only one wearing a necklace where I was and two monsters came up and said since I was the only one wearing one right there,  I was the “chosen one.” I was snatched while everyone around me ran away, even my dad and sister (thanks everyone! Lol) and had my hand held under some device that came down and was supposed to pierce my hand but when it touched me it was just rubber. Lol The thought of it was scary but I knew they couldn’t really injure me. But it’s sometimes difficult to shake the “what if…” paranoid thoughts in these situations. “What if a crazed person got in and switched the fake torture device to a real one??” “What if there’s a mistake and I accidentally get crushed or trapped somewhere??” but those are just fleeting thoughts and not really serious. 

I knew I could have been dragged and possibly tossed into a secret, small, dark place alone. But I took the chance. I would have NEVER ever been able to make that choice, probably even a year ago.

The thing that really inspired me to take and wear the necklace is in the beginning a monster said “you came here for fear so get all the fear you can get…” encouraging us to take the glow necklace. This also inspires me in general, to take advantage of every opportunity in life to live to the fullest, whatever “the fullest” is to me at that moment. To soak up all I can, all the thrills, the beauty, and feeling there is to feel. 

Being alive is an opportunity to take in everything we can, to feel. To live. To experience. To grow. To love. To make mistakes. To learn. To feel pain and beauty, sorrow and joy. Misery and happiness. To take full advantage of our senses. 

I been to this prison for the Halloween attraction a couple occasions years ago. The first day I went for the haunted attraction I was hugging, holding hands with, and clinging to people I did not know. Lol It was my first year in college, I was eighteen years old, and I went as a group with other college students, all girls and one boy. The boy wanted us to go first because he said he was the only boy. But we told him no, since he’s the boy he had to be in the front.
Lol we were holding onto each other like our lives depended on it.

It’s one of my favorite memories. And after the event was over and we were walking up the dark street outside the prison, a drunk person jumped out at us and we all screamed. He wasn’t trying to scare us and just looked at us like we were all nuts. 

Now, being buried alive would be way, way more terrifying than going on an elevator for less than a minute! And being locked in a room.
And way more horrifying than a fun tour through a haunted prison for Halloween.

 But I know now that I would survive emotionally as long as I survived physically. I would go into a deep meditation and have my Buddhist and stoic principles and my life philosophy and inner Truth, my authentic Self  to help guide me til I become physically free. I would still be frightened and panicked at some points. And maybe feel as if I can’t go on but I know I can. I have my life philosophy that I work on every single day without fail.  I can survive anything as long as I stay alive. As long as I’m free in my mind, I am free. Truly free. You can be free too if you’re not already, with lots of hard work and practice. We don’t have to allow anything or anyone to restrain us.

If you work to heal one aspect of yourself you can be strengthening yourself in deep ways you don’t even realize in other aspects as well.

I want this for everyone. Whatever pain, physical or emotional, whatever fear or problems, I want us all to find a way to conquer it. A way to cope. There was a point where I never ever thought I could ever heal my suicidal depression but I did. I never knew I can get better. It’s like a completely different world I live in every day now. One of love and light. I do still have days, hours, weeks, and months of despair, deep suicidal depression. I have days where I’m genuinely happy the whole day almost, but have random depressive thoughts and suicidal urges coming at me uncontrollably for what reason I don’t know. Sometimes triggered by something, occasionally not provoked by anything I’m consciously aware of.

But for the most part I am so happy and free. I am not cured. I will never be cured. I’m sure of it. But that thought no longer generally restrains me. I am open to being cured but I won’t count on it anymore. But I got better. I never ever thought my fear of being closed in could be vanquished but it is. It’s also not completely cured. My heart still races in small or narrow places, sometimes I still think there’s no way I can be closed in alone and survive with my sanity intact, I still avoid closed in spaces for the most part, but I conquered it and can handle it now. ME! I can’t even believe it!
And the tmjd cluster headaches I have which feel like cluster headaches, also known as “suicide headaches” and are not really headaches but head attacks. Like the worst toothache and earache imaginable but worse mixed with a severe burning sensation in the face, head, eye, temple. A literal hell that lasts for hours. Like a hot poker being driven through my eye socket and being held there for hours. Like my eyeball being gauged out of its socket through the back of my head. For hours. I never thought I can ever handle this. But I do. I survive each one. Not always without screaming uncontrollably for hours until I lose my voice. But I survive. There are people who have died by suicide not because of depression or any mental illness but because the physical pain seemed too much to bear. When I’m having those “headaches” sometimes I do think about ending my life even when I’m not depressed or miserable at all, because the physical pain seems unbearable like it has to end right then. That’s not the way to go. I can survive. This is the most difficult pain to cope with usually, luckily it’s not always frequent. Pain is but not to this level.

So if you are ever in a situation you are 100% convinced without a doubt you can’t or won’t survive, remember, it feels that way, it’s not true. I never knew I can ever survive the depression and tmjd cluster headaches but somehow I do. I survive each one. My conviction was deep, that I couldn’t survive but I do survive and now my conviction is even deeper that I can and will survive whatever comes my way.

And you can too, whatever it is. It can get better.  <333 ❤ Much love, hope, & strength to you.

Xoxo Kim 

On being humble

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“When we embody love, we are the most powerful being in the universe.” ~ Emmanuel

I wasn’t always as developed as I am now. While I have always been empathetic, compassionate, loving, and understanding of others, not all of those qualities of mine were always as deep or as vast as they are today. I used to be more judgmental than I am now, sometimes criticizing people or things without thinking it completely through if it’s really necessary, sometimes overlooking the fact that I also do things that can, maybe even “should” be, judged critically.

“The praise that comes from love does not make us vain, but more humble.”
 ~James Matthew Barrie

I think for most of us, we evolve the longer we live, the more we experience even if we don’t realize we’re evolving. And when we do realize we are becoming wiser, more educated, more aware,  it’s possible to let it run away with us, let ourselves become a little bit too stuck up or arrogant, too proud, let our heads get too big.

Sometimes I feel so enlightened in some respects. I see things so much more clearly than I did before. I see how wrong I was in some ways about some things. And there have been occasions when I caught myself becoming too full of myself, arrogant, judgmental when I would have an encounter with someone who I perceived as not to be as “enlightened” or aware as I am.
Someone who still holds opinions that are not very evolved or opinions I disagree with or someone who handles those opinions in ways I don’t appreciate or wouldn’t do myself.

Like when I would meet someone who did not realize things or know things that I now know or realize.  And I would criticize the person for it, totally neglecting to realize that at one point I did not realize this or something else, either and that right now at this very moment there are things I don’t know or understand, that I am so less developed than I will be in years to come, with age and much more experience. I’m not the most enlightened being on Earth and likely never will be.  And that’s ok.

It reminds me of when I would take certain Logic and critical thinking classes in college. In the beginning of one class, our professor told us that in a few weeks we would already know so much more than the average person about reasoning, arguing, debating. He said we would begin to see all the flaws in people’s reasoning in everyday life. People around us, people on TV, commercials, everywhere. He said him, as a Logician with extremely advanced reasoning skills and nearly flawless logic, couldn’t turn off his ability to instantly detect flaws in reasoning even when he would be out with friends having a simple or trivial conversation, watching TV whether it was comedy movies or political or religious debates, reading, everywhere. His knowledge of Logic, fallacies, arguments…is so superior he can’t help but just see how everyone else’s logic is just so flawed. He often had to resist the urge to correct everyone everywhere. 

I had a few philosophy professors who told us, although probably mostly in jest, that we may soon regret taking the class because all of  a sudden everyone around us becomes so “stupid,” unenlightened, or unreasonable that it’s nauseating. Lol 

They said we may become arrogant, inpatient, intolerant of everyone who has never taken a logic or critical thinking class. And it was true. I did start to detect flaws in people’s reasoning everywhere I would go, even in simple, everyday conversations. I noticed how fallacious so many arguments really are. Sometimes it was so frustrating to know so much more than the average person about certain things.

And years later when I began to actively practice and meditate upon universal compassion and general tolerance more than ever before and realized it’s the best way for me to be, I started to sometimes catch myself judging others who weren’t that way.

Sometimes I would give myself a pat on the back for being “just so much more evolved” than most people I know or come in contact with.

When someone would get worked up during an argument, sling an explicit insult at an opponent, argue in flawed ways like I used to do, I would be critical of those people, praising myself for being “beyond that.”

Now I quickly correct myself if ever I catch myself doing that. I’m usually patient in the face of other people’s impatience, gentle with other people’s aggression, non judgmental of someone else’s judgments, tolerant of other people’s intolerance and accepting of someone else’s lack of acceptance. I understand that not everyone will be understanding and I have more compassion than I used to, for those who lack compassion. 

Constructive criticism is often a good thing but it can be delivered in a humble way. Assertiveness is necessary in some cases, firmness and unwavering confidence and strength in the face of some injustice.

Love & compassion & acceptance that I write or speak of, in no way means backing down and not speaking up. It doesn’t mean letting people get away with things they should not get away with. It simply means knowing bad things happen, injustice exists in the world, people have differing and horrible opinions and do horrible things but we don’t have to sink to the level of getting even, wishing horrific things on people as punishments, slinging insults and hurting others to seek retribution.

It’s possible to be firm, assertive, grounded, loud, opinionated but loving. 

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It’s important to stand up for whatever our Truth is, to advocate for what we believe in, speak out against injustice, abuse, cruelty in any form, to defend those who need us, speak up for those who need supporters…but we can do this while promoting love instead of bashing those who disagree. “Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”

It’s not always easy but I believe it’s worth the struggle.

I’m very into Buddhism which teaches universal love and compassion. I’m not a Buddhist but I read about it everyday and practice many of their principles. There are more things I don’t know and understand about Buddhism than things I do know and understand. But I learn more and more each day.

You don’t have to be a Buddhist to incorporate many of their virtues into your own life.
And it’s compatible with religions including Christianity, Judaism, and others. Some people disagree or don’t realize. But Buddhists don’t necessarily believe in any specific god and their principles can go along with the principles of various religions.

You can think of Buddhism as a philosophy or as a religion.

Monastic Buddhists are seriously dedicated, hardcore Buddhists who follow everything in the Lamrim, every principle in excruciating detail and lay Buddhists are looser in their views or lifestyles. They take Buddhism seriously but don’t necessarily follow every principle of Buddhism.

One of the things I love completely about genuine Buddhism and true Buddhists or pro Buddhists is that they teach and promote certain principles and ways of life but they do not enforce them or judge those who do not adopt those views, attitudes, and ways. They teach, guide, advocate for but fully accept that others will not and they embrace those people anyway. This way they remain peaceful within and allow others to be what they will.

I think sometimes when some of us become enlightened on something or think we have and realize we were wrong or utterly ignorant or clueless previously, it can instill embarrassment into us, embarrassment that we did not know or realize this all along, it’s now so obvious, how wasn’t it always this blatant? And the humiliation is so strong we want to avoid it, repress, deny it and run fast away instead of facing it. So what do we do in this case? What makes it easier to avoid confronting ourselves on how wrong or clueless we were before? What’s often easier than admitting I was wrong? Judging, criticizing others who are in the place I used to be in, those who know less about something I now know more about, those with an opinion I once shared but now converted to a “better” one. It’s easier than confessing that I was wrong before and now realize or have become enlightened or changed. It’s easier to verbally attack the me I see in someone else than the real me, my own flesh and blood.

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I believe it’s important to stay humble no matter how much more I think I know. Or how right I think I am.

There will always be those who know more than me and those who know less. Those who are more primitive and those more evolved, people who are cruel and seem stupid and those whose intelligence is way out of the average person’s league, people with extreme compassion and deep understanding of others and ones who couldn’t care less to try to understand, open minded and narrow minded, educated and uneducated, enlightened and still in the dark….and to me, they all deserve compassion, empathy, and to be embraced in universal love even if they don’t display that same love or care to be embraced in it. I can still wish them the best and let them go their own way while going my way. That is true, pure, selfless love. At some point I have been and will be again, many of those things I mentioned above. 

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~Hug the hurt
Kiss the broken
Befriend the lost
Love the lonely~ 

I believe in Universal Love, higher love, all encompassing love and compassion, being One with all that is. 
Not everyone will agree and that’s ok.

Follow Your Own Way

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I recently read a very old and very short fictional story called “Young Goodman Brown” about a young man who initially has faith in the basic, universal goodness of humanity.   But things occur in the story to shake his faith. It falters then collapses and he’s convinced there isn’t much goodness in humans. 

This story, if I understand correctly, is inspired by the author’s real life situations.

I have been analyzing it and reading an analysis of it. It reminds me of a few quotes that are somewhere along the lines of “Be kind to people in general, even unkind ones, not because they’re kind but because you are.”

This quote implies kindness as a way of life and not a mere occasional act or feeling in response to environmental situations. Even when people are not kind, YOU still are. You can let your kind Way and your kind philosophy waver and lash out in unkindness or you can keep it firm and grounded and stay true to yourself even in the face of other people’s bitterness.

If you are a kind person, it’s easy to be loving, kind, compassionate…when it’s convenient, when you’re currently surrounded by goodness, beauty, sweetness, kindness, love. 

But what about when you are currently surrounded by someone else’s bitterness, what about when you encounter a rude person or a very unpleasant situation?   It can be so tempting to let our own kind, loving, compassionate, optimistic ways crumble.  And that doesn’t make someone a bad person.  Most of us probably have relapses and setbacks and it is natural to be defensive in situations where you feel threatened in some way.  But even in the midst of stress, chaos, rude people, negativity, pain, you’re still that kind, loving, caring you that you generally are. You’re still the you who believes in goodness, kindness, and love. Don’t forget you. Be true to and honor the you that you are.

You can build yourself so strong nothing will break what you are, nothing will bring your life philosophy, your morals and virtues, your principles, your deep wisdom to destruction. This isn’t to say we should be closed minded and restrained by our views that nothing and no one can enlighten us, educate us, or persuade us to a different view if we find evidence that that view may be true or better for us.   It’s to say that we don’t have to lose faith that people are basically good just because of an encounter with a few bad ones, we don’t have to resort to unkindness and bitterness because others are, we don’t have to stop loving because we find someone doesn’t love us in return, we don’t have to wish bad things for people because they wish bad things for us, we don’t have to let pain, horror, negativity, fear, depression, fury…bring our deep wisdom to ruin. We don’t have to let painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions convince us that life is bad.

We can have a firm sense of who we are and honor that someone, always. We can change, grow, expand, evolve in various ways but stay true to who we are.

This story and thoughts and concept helps me so much when I’m depressed or becoming depressed/suicidal.

I haven’t been real depressed for a while but a few nights ago I felt myself kind of slipping. I was in a depressed mood, not yet a full blown depressive episode but a very low, depressed mood and couldn’t sleep right. Through the years of my depressive illness I learned how to often, though not always, prevent a full blown episode when I feel it about to hit. And when I’m not successful in preventing it, I’m often better now, at coping with and “breezing right through it” than I could years ago.  So I was trying so hard not to let it get me.

I can often tell when I’m about to become suicidal or when suicidal thinking is about to occur.   A few nights ago, I was having suicidal thoughts that felt as if they were just getting stronger and stronger, not urges, not contemplation but if it got out of hand, it could have been headed that way.  There was no event that was currently happening to me to trigger this. I was on the verge of faltering.  Serious suicidal contemplation hasn’t happened for me in well over a year now. And I did not then and do not now want a relapse after all my hard work to prevent that sort of thinking/urges. But it takes a lot of energy to ward off those thoughts, feelings, emotions when I feel them swirling around in my head. A lot of energy and strength. I was angry, depressed and wanted to let myself sink and slip into that dark place I once lived, so long.

But I thought of my Way. My own Way. My own life philosophy that life is beautiful and hope can be restored.   There’s so much to live for. Even through the pain, life is a blessing. Gratitude saves my life sometimes. When I’m so drained and ready to cave, I think of all I have. All that I am.  It took a lot of practice to get my life philosophy so ingrained into me that it helps me fend off suicidal/depressive attacks. But I have accomplished so much with it.

It takes practice and work to build yourself so strong that even in the face of misery and seemingly unbearable pain and even being dragged into other people’s negativity,you remain true to yourself. Your deep, authentic self who knows true wisdom and your own Truth.

I hope you will choose to honor you, your true deep self, when you feel yourself slipping in any way, about to cave and give into negative actions. This isn’t only for depressed people who have what I have but even people without depression. Almost everyone has some kind of struggles or pain and can use some loving inspiration now and again.

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“Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved;we love to love.” ~ Leo Buscaglia 

Xoxo Kim 😀

My sweet, looong List of Happy. <3 :-D

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I recently stumbled across a blog post about “List of Kinds of People I Seriously Hate”

And to my dismay I am on that list! Lol Well not me personally but one of the kinds of people she “seriously hates.” lol How rude!

;-D

She seems like a very outspoken girl though who is very sure of herself and isn’t afraid to state her views and just be herself, not fearing what others will think or say about who she is. And I think that’s generally something to be appreciated and respected so I wasn’t too annoyed and she also loves animals so that’s alright with me!  Anyway, she can’t stand girls who wear low cut shirts, especially when they post pics of themselves and that’s totally me! She said it’s totally slutty and any girl like that will be taken right off her newsfeed or any social media list! But it’s just my style is all! Always has been, always will be! ;-D

She said her and her friends tried to write a list of happy things and it was so much harder than writing the list of negative things.  

It surprised me that so many agreed with her. I’m the opposite.   I find it so much easier thinking of things I love. I only planned on writing like 20 something things and just couldn’t stop!   Now it’s way over 100!

But when I try to write a list of things I don’t much care for, I get stuck before even getting to ten usually!   Lol! I guess I’m a little too accepting or easy going?! 😀
Mostly the things on my negative list are : unjust discrimination, animal cruelty, prejudicial attitudes, abuse, homicide….things like that. 

Also, I think “happy lists” are often more unique than “sad lists” because the unhappy lists are often universal. If you think about it, who really does like unjust discrimination, diseases, sore throats, child or domestic abuse, homicide…? Pretty much no one.  

But not everyone loves the color pink or rainbows or babies! 

So happy lists are quite unique.

Inaccurate grammar, Girls who do the duck face, post pics of their messy kids and food all day, piss and moan about their drama, are slutty, post 50, million pics of themselves in restrooms, half dressed, political rants…..don’t annoy me. I don’t mind seeing their stuff or whatever.   Whatever floats your boats, girls! Lol

I’m not the most judgmental girl in the world which also means I don’t really judge people too hard who judge me negatively.   I’m mostly, understanding of your lack of understanding, compassionate even with your lack of compassion, empathetic for your lack of empathy, accepting of your lack of acceptance.

I don’t like it much but it is what it is, right?!

🙂 

Anyway, though, Here’s my list of happy!
Inspired by that girl’s list of not so happy! Lol

1.) animals

2.) shopping for makeup, clothes, books

3.) iced coffee especially when it’s really sweetened 

4.) meeting people I never met before

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5.) finding new quotes, songs, and poems that resonate with me in a deep way

6.) snowstorms and the first snowfall of the season

7.) When the seasons are changing to the next one – it’s something magical

8.) photography

9.) looking into a mirror and loving who/what I see

10.) the feeling of accomplishment, even if it’s something small

11.) making someone smile

12.) random acts of kindness

13.) helping someone 

14.) the way it feels to put on comfy pj’s and fall into bed after a long day

15.) hot tea

16.) cake

17.) rain

18.) Hello Kitty

19.) journals and stationary stuff

20.) blogs

21.) my long hair

22.) gentle summer breezes

23.) all the different shades of green that appear throughout Spring & Summer

24.) novels and plays with deep, profound meanings

25.) poetry 

26.) getting a new handbag

27.) learning a new life lesson or being reminded of ones I previously learned

28.) salt n vinegar chips

29.) babies!

30.) art journaling 

31.) walking in warm or cool weather 

32.) seeing people happy and doing well

33.) friends

34.) mindfulness meditation and activities 

35.) Buddhist teachings 

36.) philosophy 

37.) dreams while I’m sleeping and remembering them when I wake up

38.) being aware of beauty all around 

39.) my senses

40.) restaurants

41.) gratitude 

42.) parks 

43.) beautiful buildings 

44.) kind strangers 

45.) Oldies songs, country songs, love songs 

46.) Happy songs and sad poetry 

47.) the sky

48.) the moon

49.) getting caught in the rain

50.) taking a picture that turns out more perfect than I expected 

51.) love of all kinds, romantic, platonic, universal

52.) walking through a large shopping mall

53.) being surrounded by people

54.) hugs!

55.) making someone else happy

56.) Belly laughs that hurt

57.) the way it feels when laughing almost lifts me when I’m depressed sometimes or in physical pain

58.) Center City Philadelphia and all the beautiful buildings 

59.) buying someone a gift or cup of coffee/tea

60.) people who are open-minded, understanding, and empathetic for other people’s situations, problems, lives…

61.) all the colorful leaves of the fall

62.) Blueberry coffee (coffee with blueberry flavor in it) with cream and sugar

63.) fun/deep conversations with a stranger on a bus or at the bus stop

64.) connecting with people

65.) feeling one with all that is

66.) pretty candles with a sweet fragrance 

67.) being able to listen to the same song over and over and never get tired of it!

68.) unsuccessfully trying hard not to laugh at something hilarious that I know I shouldn’t be laughing at

69.)  serving people at the store where I work 

70.) coca cola

71.) romantic comedies

72.) anything sappy and cheesy 

73.) the sun and sunrises and sunsets

74.) Morning

75.) nightfall

76.) sunny afternoons

77.) hot cocoa with whipped cream on a bitter cold day

78.) gray days as well as sunny ones

79.) miserable weather 

80.) bright, clear blue sky with big fluffy white clouds

 81.) different kinds of accents people have

82.) learning phrases in other languages I don’t know

83.) getting a new or old book

84.) bookstores

85.) nail polish that stands out

86.) bright colored socks

86.) anything pink

87.) the color red – especially dresses and handbags, and lipstick on girls who can pull it off

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88.) the color green 

89.) sweet messages

90.) feeling deeply inspired 

91.) feeling motivated and taking action for the better

92.) twilight

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93.) finding beauty in unlikely places

94.) sweet memories

95.) When a certain scent takes me back to a place long gone. The bittersweetness of nostalgia

96.) old writings, books, plays

97.) flowers

98.) remembering a song I forgot long ago

99.) When pain isn’t as bad

100.) being filled with deep wisdom and sharing it with others or people sharing it with me

101.) Girls in five inch stilettos 

102.) animals playing 

103.) my online friends on Facebook, the blog, 365project…

104.) the feeling when a package comes in the mail for me!

105.) Happy surprises

106.) everything related to weddings 

107.) animal rescue organizations

108.) movie theatres 

109.) the feeling of laying in bed at night reading 

110.) trampolines 

111.) learning something fascinating 

112.) teaching someone something fascinating I learned

113.) making someone’s day better

114.) physical closeness – waiting for a bus with people, standing in lines at a store with people, sitting next to people….

115.) finding something with the letter “K” on it

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116.) peanut butter

117.) french vanilla cream horns

118.) university/college campuses

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119.) things not going as planned but then working out even better! 

120.) posting sweet song lyrics 

121.) snuggling under blankets with dogs or cats

122.) skyscrapers 

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123.) street signs and city lights

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124.) the sounds of the city

125.) busses and trolleys

126.) people who build each other up instead of dragging each other down

127.) tomatoes 

128.) walking in a light mist

129.) Indian food

130.) fruity or Hawaiian body spray 

131.) the way it feels using a new shower gel or hair product 

132.) facebook

133.) lemons in soda and iced tea

134.) warm places in the Winter

135.) being deeply inspired to create 

136.) birds flying around outside 

137.) the love of being greeted by my dogs when I walk into a room.

138.) lovers holding hands

139.) old people – they’re cute.

140.) reading about/hearing about someone’s dream finally coming true.

Wow! Life sure is good, isn’t it?! 😀

I never expected to feel this way at the end of this. So uplifted, warm, and in awe at how many amazing things there are to be so happy about. I did not list these all in one sitting; it took like two days but at the very end I felt so warm and light and like I can jump for joy!

Sometimes I create lists like these in my head at night as I’m laying in bed but it feels even different when I write out a super long list like this. When I think like this at night, the joy often keeps me awake! Lol. So I try to think of more mellow, serene things. You know your life is good when you can’t sleep at night because of too many GOOD thoughts!   

I don’t have a “real” job, not much money, I live with family, not on my own, I have a depressive and chronic physical pain disorder but I can still say that life is beautiful.   Beautiful with all the simple joys, all the sweet wonders that cost nothing or next to nothing.  
😀

May you realize all the treasures you are truly blessed with and feel inspired to list them and not be able to stop!  

Xoxo Kim