Tag Archive | self acceptance

Perfection 💜

I’m Beautiful – Bette Midler

“Well, I woke up one morning
Flossed my teeth and decided
‘Damn, I’m fierce!'”

There’s a movie I watched recently, called, “A Perfect Ending.” It’s about a wife who is not in a happy marriage with her husband. They were never truly happy together and she never felt passion in their relationship.
There are lots of sexual scenes in this movie, just in case anyone (sex repulsed asexuals, for example) needs a content warning. And some of the scenes seem to involve BDSM(very brief and hazy scenes if I remember correctly). There is nothing wrong with this; it’s all consenting adults. But anyone who has been traumatized in any way may be triggered by any scene that appears to be an assault scene even if it’s not. For anyone who doesn’t know, BDSM(Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism, Dominance, Submission ?) , is an activity that some people like to do where they tie each other up or one ties the other up, and scream and stuff, hitting and strangling may be involved, usually for sexual purposes, but some people like to leave the sexual aspect out and just hit/strangle each other and stuff(or one hits/strangles the other) just for thrills without the sexual aspect. lol It’s all consensual so it’s all good! If I was going to do that, I would leave the sexual out of it. lol They may be couples or groups of people involved. They can be any genders. If I was going to try it, I would choose a woman to be dominant over me. I could never hit her or strangle her even if she wanted it. I don’t have it in me. I don’t want to be hit either though. Or choked to death. lol But I would take it before I would dish it out. They have a safe word that gets the dominant person to stop the strangling and stuff. It’s something that is not “No, stop, don’t” because they scream those words to make it feel real. So when they really want someone to stop, they have a word they say. I don’t know much about BDSM at all, just a very limited idea. People into BDSM are just ordinary people with a kink; any kind of person can be into it.

Hopefully, I am not saying anything disrespectful or completely inaccurate since I am not very educated on the topic.

Some people get a thrill out of inflicting pain upon a consenting adult or being the target of pain inflicted by someone else. Like I said, nothing wrong with it; whatever floats your boat as long as it’s all consensual and adults. But someone who has actually been assaulted before or experienced any kind of trauma may be triggered seeing someone tied up and screaming even if the people like it and are consenting. Our brain can’t tell the difference. And it does look scary.

Anyway, this movie is not about that at all. There is just like one or two very brief scenes I think, involving it. So just a heads up!

And there is one scene I don’t understand. It is a flashback or memory that looks like an actual assault scene(not real, of course, but real in the movie, not BDSM) , just in case anyone needs a trigger warning.

The movie also involves terminal illness. When I struggled with health anxiety for six months in 2019, I could not watch movies involving cancer. My health anxiety started out as a horrific irrational (irrational because I obsessed almost every second of every day for six months and had no true reason to believe I was sick) fear of melanoma then turned to fear of all cancer in general. Someone in the movie has terminal cancer and dies at the end. It is made clear in the beginning that someone is sick and is running out of options but we do not know who until the end. We just hear a doctor talking and see pill bottles and a cemetery stone and a casket with flowers in different scenes. We also see a paper saying someone has malignant melanoma that has metastatized(sp?? I dont care to look up the spelling) and is inoperable.

I won’t give away any very big spoilers but if anyone wants to watch without knowing anymore details, skip this post for now!

Mini spoiler warning
.
.
.
The wife, who is very rich, financially, mentions to her friends that she is not and has never really been in love with her husband of many years. She only married him because she was a single mom of a toddler and wanted security. She mentions that she wants passion like they have in their relationship and sexual pleasure, which she has never experienced. So they suggest that she gets a callgirl and hooks up with her. They think maybe she needs a woman; they are certain that women are better lovers than men. lol (I wouldn’t know but sure they are right! 🤣😁)

(Also, I know not everyone is either a man or a woman – there are some who are non-binary or a combination of male, female, or other…In the movie they were talking about men & women though so that is why I only mentioned them. I’m not excluding anyone)

So she gets involved with a much younger and stunningly beautiful callgirl. At first it’s meant to be strictly bussiness. The woman pays the other woman for sexual pleasure and the other woman gladly accepts the money. But they soon fall madly in love with each other and it’s no longer about business. The callgirl, Paris, quits taking on other clients and wants to stay with this one woman, whose husband has no idea she is cheating. Her husband has never tried to make her feel loved and cares much about appearance and perfection. The wife has felt very insecure for years.

The younger woman, Paris, is very loving and wise.
There is a scene where the two women are laying in bed together and the young woman is stroking the older woman’s skin. She reaches for her stomach and Rebecca, the other woman, stops her.
This is a brief and beautiful conversation they have during this scene, packed with wisdom.
Rebecca: “Don’t; I hate my stomach. I haven’t been to the gym in way too long. I used to have a pretty good body before kids and menopause. I never looked like you though. Wow.
Paris: (Referring to her own physical beauty) This, this doesn’t mean anything. Rebecca.
Rebecca: I hate that I did this. (I think she’s referring to a body modification, maybe implants, but not sure)
Paris: Why did you?
Rebecca: It was a birthday present from Mason. He loves perfection. It’s sort of the one thing we have in common. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be perfect. I never felt good enough, or thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough.
Paris: All of the things that make us not perfect are what make us so perfectly who we are. That’s who you are, Rebecca. Perfection.

Isn’t this beautiful? A great reminder to us all!

It’s a sweet & beautiful love story if you ignore the fact that she’s cheating on her husband. lol Not that this makes it ok but her husband is not the best; he’s not very loving to her; their marriage is stagnant, and worst of all, he does not think of or treat her daughter as his own even though he brought her up since she was a baby. He only regards the younger brothers as his since they are biologically his. I would leave him just for that. If someone is important to us, I believe their kids should be too. If I have a friend with kids, I love her kids automatically. Also, I don’t have much experience with human children but I cannot imagine bringing up a child and not loving the child like my own and regarding the child like my own. I’m a pet nanny and I love all the furballs like my own n they are not mine in any way at all.

I love the character, Paris, the callgirl. She’s intelligent and wise and sexy and confident. She’s also compassionate. She experienced something traumatic and devastating, previously. Some may have a serious issue with her since a married woman is cheating on her husband with Paris and Paris knows she is married. But if you can forget that little detail, you may just fall in love with her. lol 😍

Whenever I watch a movie that is especially packed with wisdom or has a scene in it with a wise or beautiful message, I love to share!
So the message here is we are all beautiful, especially because of our flaws and perfect because of our imperfections. And while the physical beauty of a person is pleasing, it is not important and actually means nothing.

This does not mean not to get all dolled up or cosmetic surgery if we want and not take pleasure in someone else’s or our own beauty, just that there are more important aspects of a person. Of course beauty, hair, makeup salons are all good! I love looking at beautiful women and I follow many fashion and makeup accounts! But I know a good personality, a loving heart, is more pleasing than a pretty face or banging body. Also, more potential to be longer lasting.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❤

Xoxo Kim

Ugly-Beautiful 2

IMG_14171746_1

I keep posting here about the one word challenge for the new year. My word is Beauty. I have a post about the challenge and my views about it saved in my drafts and will post it soon. My word for 2016, beauty,reminds me of a post I wrote a while ago about a beautiful novel I read called My Grandfather’s Eyes.

 I wrote about it here before I read the ending when I still wasn’t sure what the novel is actually about. When I warned people that there may be violent sexual/abuse scenes in it and unnecessary violence. I read a book review that says that and couldn’t remember if the review is for “My Grandfather’s Eyes” or some other book. It is for another. “My Grandfather’s Eyes” has no such scene. No sexual or any kind of “unnecessary” violence. Just pure beauty.

And I recommend it. 

There’s another fiction book I read called, Alex, about a little boy who was kidnapped and murdered. It’s a good book with some slight supernatural overtones, I guess you can say. This one does have horrific sexual and other violence in it. The dad has visions after his son is found dead and sees the violence that was done to him. I don’t judge authors or artists who portray violence in their work. It doesn’t necessarily mean they support it. Many creators like to create things that provoke strong emotion whether pleasant or unpleasant. It brings their work to life and helps deepen our empathy and stir things within us. For the most part, even if it seems so, I don’t think anything in a work of art is “unnecessary.” Even if it seems the work can do without, for some reason the author wants it there so it does have purpose to that person. And it will resonate with some and not others. There is beauty in that.

 But most of that book is not violent scenes, just the dad not knowing if he’s mentally ill or actually being haunted by his dead son. It is very interesting.  The main character in My Grandfather’s Eyes, the woman telling her story, is named Alex as is the little boy in the fiction book, Alex. So I got the two confused. 

Anyway about “My Grandfather’s Eyes.”

My heroine, Alex, who is the narrator, is a woman who is about 32 years old and she’s kind of a sociopath, like really. She sort of has no conscience and attempts to kill her sincerely loving husband(i won’t give any spoilers and tell you if she succeeds or not, that’s for you to find out. Lol –  {he does die though}  But just know, she attempts to kill an innocent man just to be rid of him and yes, I called her my heroine!) just to get rid of him and get his stuff and live with her best girl, Liz. but she is very beautiful to me anyway. She was always in love with her best friend Lizzy but Lizzy is a straight girl and she’s married with children.  Alex has no kids and doesn’t want any. 

At first when I was confused about the other fiction book and thought this may be the one with the sexual violence, I wasn’t going to read this but the description of the beautiful love Alex has for Liz, is what inspired me to take the chance and read and I’m so happy I took that chance. Later I read the book, Alex, not realizing that’s the one with the horrific violence but I’m happy I read that too.   

Alex is arrogant, doesn’t give two shits what anyone (except Lizzy) thinks of her. Other than herself, the only two people Alex ever really loved are Lizzy and Alex’s grandfather. She is arrogant but also truly loves herself for how she genuinely is, both physically and her intriguing mind. She has big, dark moles on her face which she loves because they are part of who she is, and since she was little, refused to get removed when she had the chance. They grow bigger and darker. People stare. She doesn’t like it much but loves herself too much to care too much. As a child it hurt her deeply to be the target of cold stares and cruel words. But she still loves herself. She thinks she’s a beautiful woman. 

Here is what she says: 

“My moles continue to grow and darken. I take less care to hide the bump on my head, and I wonder whether my deformities will eventually take me over. I am impatient with them, wishing they would stabilize. I think I notice people staring more, and imagine they are whispering to each other but I decide that I will not try to hide myself away. It will be easier if the people who are alienated by such things have the chance to avoid me, and I reason that those who are indifferent to them will not care.” ~ Alex

And here is what I wrote one day in June (not the most recent one but the one before, if I remember correctly) about this excerpt:

I love this and completely agree. I would never want friends or people who like me only because they don’t know something about me that if they found out later they would reject me for it, whatever it may be. We don’t have to like everything about a person we like but we can accept, tolerate, or overlook it and love the person as a whole. I don’t necessarily want someone to like every single thing about me, like all of my opinions or anything, and I won’t conceal something just to have them like me or not reject me. It’s like an asshole repellent,if you show your ugliness or controversial views or something right off, you weed out the assholes and the true ones are still standing by your side. Or if you’re the asshole and people are going to reject you for it then they can back off and the ones who don’t mind asshole-ness will still be there. 
I don’t always like people’s opinions but I often appreciate the courage it takes them to stand up for whatever it is and the passion that drives them.

I am what I am whether I conceal it or not and whether someone likes it or not. So why deny or repress it? Instead I will give people the chance to know me and embrace me or know me and reject me.

I still agree with what I wrote. There are some things we may want to wait before revealing until someone gets to know us better. But for the most part, I believe it’s best to let our true selves loose and shine. If they love us, that’s amazing! If they reject us, oh well, we can love them and move forward. ❤

I love Alex's sense of beauty. It's kind of dark and unusual. 

“…the Gothic Hall complete with turrets and gargoyles – where I will study English Literature. It is ugly-beautiful and will suit me very well. A fitting place in which to study the works of great authors. I feel the hairs bristle on the back of my neck with the excitement it generates in me.” ~ Alex 

Here's the link to my original post about this:

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/06/25/ugly-beautiful/

"My Grandfather's Eyes"

😀

This is one of my favorite books ever! It is beautiful, unusual, fascinating, thought-provoking, and deeply inspiring!

After reading the whole book I love her more now than ever. I found beauty in her at first but also felt repulsed by her for her complete lack of empathy and compassion for others, not just that but her coldness, almost cruelty, towards people to the point of almost being a psycho. But I gave her a chance and fell in love with her. I wasn't going to read the book at first but then I did and am so thankful! ❤ This can apply to real life, we may have certain traits we adore in others and then meet people who lack those traits or have traits we strongly dislike in others and meet someone who possesses them, and think we don't like the person but it turns out that person is STILL somehow beautiful to us and catches our heart. We may just fall head over heels in love (either platonic or romantically) with someone we never would expect. I decided to buy the Kindle book merely because I love the powerful love she has for her best friend, which turns to unrequited romantic love. But doesn't destroy their friendship and the platonic love Liz has for Alex. Then I read it and love the entire book! She also has powerful love for herself. 

“In the mirror, I see a woman sitting bolt upright in her chair, with her handbag on her lap. She has long mousy hair, parted in the middle, her scalp white in the harsh fluorescent light. There is a large, dark mass spreading across the side of her face. I think her elegantly middle-aged, sensuously beautiful. I cannot identify with her. I see her smile, first with her eyes, which remain young, and then with the whole of her face. We fuse together, and I feel an energy building inside me, so that my reflection seems to disturb the air in the room, like a breeze across the surface of a lake.  It is a lake I have visited many times in my dreams. We are luminous and powerful.”

This scene is breathtaking. A woman who looks into a mirror and sees a woman who is incredibly beautiful in every way, scars, "flaws," and all.  And that woman is herself. I love how she dissociates and sees her own self without negative judgment, sees herself in perfect beauty, as if she's looking at another woman, then fuses with the woman in the mirror as they become whole, one. 

This is one of the most beautiful scenes I ever read in a book.

We often look at others without judgment in a negative way and see their beauty but hold ourselves to greater standards and criticize our own self in a destructive way. Imagine seeing yourself with loving eyes and a self compassionate  mind.  

How beautiful it is to be in love with our own self.  

I love how she refuses to cover up what many see as ugly. Not only does she not think her deformity is ugly, she thinks it's quite beautiful. She loves it because it is part of herself. 

IMG_14171767

(meeee <3)

One reason I felt drawn to her right away, along with the fact that she has her grandfather’s eyes, is I have a facial dysfunction, though it cannot be seen. I mentioned here before that people with visible facial deformities or disfigurements, birthmarks, or scars probably would not agree with me since mine cannot be seen by others, only felt by me, but I often feel an especially  strong relation or connection to people with facial/head conditions whether visible or not, because I have one so bad. 

Alex speaks of "a large, dark mass spreading across the side of her face"  and wondering  "whether my deformities will eventually take me over." I feel this same way on different occasions. I cannot see that large, dark mass spreading across the side of my face. But I sure feel it. And so many moments, especially late into night, I wondered in fear and incredible loneliness whether it will eventually take me over. Hers isn't physically painful like mine but she has to endure the pain of society's cold, sometimes cruel reactions. 

Her self love inspires me to remember to love the parts of me that hurt. They are a part of me.
She inspires me to see beauty even in my agony.

My pain flares up to unbearable levels and feels so ugly. But I see beauty in my whole situation.

Sometimes I wonder what Alex would think of me if she were a real person or if I was a character in her book.  

I imagine we would get along well. And we both love to read! She attended college for English Literature. 

I love Alex and love how she loves herself. 

Give her a chance! Maybe you'll love her too! ❤

Love & light,

xoxo

Kim

You Can’t Please Everyone

…. ..so you got to please yourself. ~ Rick Nelson

IMG_00001151

May you soar on eagle wings, high above the madness of the world.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Just be you. Which means, live how you see fit for you, not how you think you “should ” live. As long as
Continue reading