Tag Archive | self love

A good woman❤

Inner beauty won’t fade.❤

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

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Mental loop

“I sit at my desk. San Francisco sparkles through the large bedroom windows. A Coca Cola sign blinks off, then rebuilds itself, one letter at a time. I see cars on Market street, red taillights. The famous tower over twin peaks is swallowed up by the night, hidden by fog. A neighbor’s balcony light comes on. Sliding door opens, a woman in shorts and t-shirt steps out, kneels to pick something up, then returns inside. The door shuts. If you were to open up my head at this moment and peer within, you’d find yourself asking with a thick Southern drawl, ‘Does this boy not have an imagination?’ There is only one thought running through my head: I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.”~Kamal Ravikant ❤

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

BeYOUtiful♡

“I’m not too short, I’m not too tall, I’m not too big, I’m not too small. Ooh, don’t lemme start lovin’ myself! Ooh, don’t lemme start lovin’ myself! I’m not too white, I’m not too black, I’m not too this, I’m not too that…. I’m beautiful, dammit.”

Check out my under-eye wrinkles. I love to put pretty effects/filters on my pictures to make them look glossy or make the colors pop and things like that. I was going to post this pic on Instagram with inspiring song lyrics (not the ones above) and was looking for a filter to put on the pic, not to cover anything up but just to make it glossier and fix the lighting, things like that.

 I found a filter called “portrait” and love it! It makes the pic look glossy and bright but not overly bright to where it looks washed out or grainy. And then I noticed what that photo effect does to my under-eye wrinkles. It covers them up and makes my skin look almost flawless. My wrinkles don’t show up clearly in every pic but as you can see, they definitely do in this one. 

I wasn’t completely sure what they’re called at first, lines? Wrinkles? Laughlines? So i looked it up on Google. Lol Turns out, they are wrinkles. And every single thing that showed up on Google, that I saw, page after page, after page, is how to get rid of them, conceal them, or lessen them, makeup, medical procedures, home remedies, lifestyle changes….it struck me how much I don’t mind that I have them. In this society (U.S., where I live), we (especially girls/women, it seems), are very much pressured to look certain ways and to look as young as possible, years, even decades younger than we are. We’re not supposed to have wrinkles or gray hair or laugh lines or stretch marks or extra flubber or under eye bags….the list goes on & on & on. 

Seeing all these Google search results with all these women so desperately searching for ways to get rid of & cover up these wrinkles and seeing all these companies desperate to sell their products to help us perfect our skin, I experience deep compassion for all of those girls who obsess and feel so self conscious and like they aren’t enough just how they are. What a blessing it is to not only not mind our wrinkles but to actually find them beautiful. And I do find my under-eye wrinkles incredibly beautiful. And not only mine but beautiful on every face.

They are signs of years of living, years of wisdom, years of laughter, experience, smiles, pain….good & bad, happy & sad…. 

Getting older, aging, old age, middle age, signs of aging….is not something to regret or conceal or fret about. It just is and is a blessing. More years living means more years loving & experiencing.

So here I am sharing my picture with no filter/effect at all, flaunting my wrinkles. In this picture, I have on blue eyeshadow and light bronze eyeliner and that’s it. 

I am sharing this in the hope that anyone feeling low about wrinkles or any signs of aging will be inspired and embrace it instead. I have scars on my right leg (and much lighter ones on the left) on different parts because I was attacked by a dog on a few occasions. My scars are permanent. My skin on my legs used to be flawless. I see so many pictures of girls flaunting their perfect legs and I have no problem with it at all. I’m so happy they love their bodies and want to show them off and I love seeing beautiful women of all sizes, colors, ages, appearances and love celebrating their beauty, both inner & outer beauty, as well as my own.

Sometimes though, I feel a pang, deep inside, a longing, when I see those perfect legs, knowing mine can never again be like that. My scars arent terrible but are very noticeable. I’m not self conscious about them at all but still sometimes wish that I never got them.  Then I see other girls, with way more obvious scars than me, big, beautiful, deep surgical scars, that they share in pictures, along with their stories of perseverance, inner strength, courage and self love and I am inspired. I’m reminded to accept my scars, embrace them, love them. They’re part of me and they tell a story, one of trauma, fear, pain, hope, healing, love. 

So I know that showing off my wrinkles and loving them, can potentially inspire another woman to not feel so low about hers. This isn’t a post against covering up scars, wrinkles….or any blemishes. It’s about accepting and loving who/what we are and loving the body we are blessed with. Nothing wrong with concealing anything. Whatever floats your boat! But some things can’t be concealed or ever go away. So let’s love them. And even if they can be covered up or gotten rid of, love them in the process! It’s beautiful, all the things the body can do, get sick, injured, then heal. Move around, allow us to experience, carry organs, a heart that pumps non stop day & night. Awe-inspiring!

I’m Beautiful (song/youtube)

Much love & light to you, always! And remember to be your own kind of beautiful! ♡ 

Xoxo Kim 

I am… <3


(Not my photo)

Recently I have been seeing blog posts and Instagram posts where people share a photo that says “I am…” then go onto reminding us all how very powerful our thoughts and words are and give examples of positive “I am” statements: I am creative, I am strong, I am intelligent…


(not my photo)

I have known for a long while that thoughts are powerful and that it’s wise to watch how we talk to\about our own selves whether it’s in our head or out loud.

I rarely feel negative or unpleasant emotions or feelings about myself and even more rarely do I speak\think insulting or abusive words about myself. So when I ever do feel or especially think an unpleasant word about myself, I feel the very toxic effect of it instantly. I’m used to only thinking positive and feeling positive things about me. For as long as I can remember, I had positive self esteem in general, often even when I am depressed. 

When I do think or feel unpleasant things about myself, it’s almost always just when I’m depressed and even then I’m careful how I think\speak about myself. When I was young and depressed I often abused myself with words and thoughts but not now. Sometimes still, usually when depressed, I let myself get consumed in feelings of worthlessness and pointlessness. 

Anyway, recently I was reminded how powerful words\thoughts are. I have been sick for a few days. Physically. My sinuses are very sensitive since I was little and I get sinus colds and allergies somewhat frequently, all throughout the year, not as badly as some people but very uncomfortable on some occasions and sometimes really painful. Usually not very bad though. But recently my sinuses have been hurting really badly and then my throat started to become sore. Also, I have been very fatigued. The fatigue has been really getting to me more than the sinus and throat pain. It has been distressing me emotionally. I’m almost never fatigued anymore.

When I do get fatigued for days, I fear that the Sickness has returned. The darkness. Since I was a little girl I struggled with Depression almost constantly for many years until May 2010 when I began to get better and only have recurring severe episodes, not constant depression anymore. There’s something different about constantly or nearly constantly being depressed and just having recurrent episodes. Both suck. But living in near constant darkness is worse than having episodes that come and go. I was depressed and suicidal in different depths and degrees for nearly fourteen years. And depressed even before that but I was too young to be suicidal back then. Very little kids can be suicidal but I wasn’t until I was thirteen years old. But even before that, I would become very depressed every Summer, so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed or off the sofa. My friends would knock for me to go out and play and I could hardly move. My mom would try to get me up but I wouldn’t, couldn’t. There was nothing physically wrong with me, at least not primarily. The fatigue was a result of the depression. This was way before depression became more well known and talked about.

Then my depression, suicidal inclination and contemplation, and fatigue became just the way I generally lived until May 2010 when I decided I can get myself better. I received professional help for years before that but that May in 2010 is the beginning to my true journey to recovery. I may never be fully recovered but I’m much, much better than I was all those years ago. It took so much work, strength, courage…but here I am!

Along with professional help, I practice meditation, appreciative living techniques, and strengthening my natural positive personality to make it more intentional, to counter the depression by being forcefully, ferociously positive. I have always been someone who is naturally optimistic but depression requires work to make that even more conscious and intentional.

So anyway, recently I feared my physical sickness may really be the Sickness. Depression really can feel so physical, like we are dying, not just dying inside, that too, but actually dying. It can feel like a common cold, influenza, just so physical. I have met people who have said depression hurts worse than painful, life threatening physical illnesses they once battled. And we can be depressed and not even realize! After all these years sometimes I still get depressed without realizing right away. Sometimes I think I’m getting a cold and it’s really depression coming on. Some occasions I think I’m just worthless and not depressed when really it’s depression provoking those thoughts. 

I kept thinking “I’m so sick, I’m so weak (physically), ” I am so fatigued!…” and each one of those thoughts, i felt taking even more energy out of me. The fatigue scared me. It was bone deep and so all consuming. I was reaching for a book on my bookshelf thinking “I am so sick” when suddenly I remembered that trend thing I keep seeing around with the “I am…” and how those two words are so powerful so whatever comes after them better be good.

And I thought to myself “I am…strong” “I am resilient” “I am optimistic” “I am beautiful”

And of course I’m still going to be sick and fatigued and whatever else because words and thoughts very likely won’t directly cure something but the point is to shift our focus to what is good, to place our awareness on our positive qualities and situations.


(not my photo)

This isn’t about denying or repressing or ignoring our unfortunate or unpleasant situations. That is unhealthy. But so is dwelling on them, feeding into them with too much of our attention.

Thinking positively generates positive, healing energy. And just makes it easier to cope with unpleasant things. So let’s list some positive “I am…” statements.

I am strong. 

I am powerful.

I am thankful. 

I am beautiful. 

I am wise.

I am creative. 

I am hopeful.

I am resilient. 

I am optimistic. 

I am fierce.

I am empowered. 

I am enough. 

I am confident.

I am compassionate. 

I am warmth.

I am tender.

I am beauty.

I am Light. 

I am sacred.

I am Love. 

😀 ❤

Luckily I am not depressed, it’s just a yucky cold. It’s not even a really bad cold, just unpleasant. But this cold gave me the opportunity to put positive thinking into practice and see incredible instant results and be reminded of a life lesson. And I want to share in hopes that it may inspire someone else. I am so thankful for all the people who have been posting the “I am…” things. We may not always realize just how deeply our posts on social media can touch others. Let’s keep sharing that positivity! 

Much love & light to you, always! 

😍 ❤ 😀

xoxo Kim ❤

Be.YOU.tiful ❤

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This is me today at work! ❤

And here is a quote I saw recently:

It’s okay to be who you are. If you’re nervous, be nervous. If you’re shy, be shy.” 💜

I love how this quote encourages us to be just us. It’s a good thing to change what we want if we truly want to change it. But it’s also great to just accept our own self just the way we are. Some things can’t be changed and some we may think we want to change or think we don’t like but it’s really someone else’s opinion or the opinion of the society in which we live, influencing us to change, to “fix,” to make better.

Let’s stop and think. Do we truly want to change whatever it is because we our self wish to change it or is the view of others getting to us?

If it’s the views of others, let’s consider not changing just for that. And if we truly want to lose the weight, get the surgery, makeover, dye our hair..we can still love our own self while changing it. Our beauty and value are not dependent upon anyone else.

My sister loves to cut, style, and dye her hair. It’s just how her personality is. She gets many compliments on her style and boldness, shaving half her head and having the other half blue or some other dyed color. On so many occasions, strangers and people we know, come up to compliment her and then ask me, “So when are you going to cut\dye your hair?” 

I don’t cut or dye my hair and have never dyed it and am not going to. Five years ago I got my first haircut in seventeen years! It was cut in layers and still fairly long. Now, five years later and I haven’t got it cut since then other than trimming it now and again. It’s long enough for me to sit on. My dogs and people sit on it and pull it by accident! It annoys me but I love my hair!

Also, I am very shy and always have been. When I just meet someone or don’t see someone often, I am usually not talkative. It’s not fear or anxiety or introversion. I love meeting and being around people and am calm in social settings and am extroverted, just a shy extrovert. 😀

I have frequently been told to start getting loud and outgoing. It’s not my choice to feel shy; I just am. I don’t have a problem with it and don’t wish to change it. Being loud and outgoing, frequently changing hairstyles is all great. It’s just not for me.

Also, I LOVE Oldies music and people think it’s weird and I used to be embarrassed about it but now I embrace my love for old music.

And I don’t watch TV but love to read. This is embarrassing sometimes but I never try to conceal it.

I dont drink alcoholic drinks and never had more than a few sips in all of my days. It’s embarrassing but alcohol just does not appeal to me in any way and never has. It’s just not my cup of tea(except to take pictures of!).

  I don’t want kids and never have.  I love kids and want to work with extra needs children. But being a mom isn’t the life I want for me. Not for any specific reason though; I just have no desire to have kids. I used to lie years ago and tell people I do want kids so people wouldn’t think I’m a bitter old witch who doesn’t like kids. Now I embrace me for all that I am. I would love my kids if I had kids; that’s just not the life I choose.   

If you love to loosen up with a glass of wine or shot of whisky, embrace who you are! If you’re like me and hardly ever had more than a sip, embrace that too!

Shy or ououtgoing , love and accept who you are.

Bookworm? Embrace it!

Watch TV all day? 

That’s OK if it’s what we truly want!

Stay at home parent, working parent, not a parent, don’t want to be, can’t be… Whatever…love yourself. 💜

As long as we aren’t hurting others or directly interfering, let’s embrace and love it. ❤💜💚💙💛😍😀

And if it is interfering with someone, we can always change for the better.

Live with it & love it. 💙

But let’s remember not to be stuck up and sanctimonious about it(unless we really want to be, lol)! We don’t have to negatively judge others for lifestyles we would never choose or for loving stuff we don’t love or not loving stuff we love. Let’s celebrate our oneness, our similarities, and our diversity. ❤💞

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Know our worth

(Not my photo!)

This is a fantastic reminder to not see ourselves through the eyes of those who do not think much of us whether they outright mistreat us or just pay us no mind.

There have been occasions I liked/wanted to be friends with someone who had no interest in me at all and occasions people tried to degrade me and I began to see myself through their eyes and assumed everyone must think of me how they do or that it must be true, I must be worthless. I don’t have a habit of doing this but there have been occasions it occurred.

It’s not just an adolescent thing either. Even adults can be deeply troubled by how others view them or how we think they do.

Not everyone is going to like everyone and there’s nothing wrong with that. We don’t all have to be close friends or acquaintances but it’s important to remember that the low opinions of others or the apathy have nothing to do with us.

All that matters is our own opinion of ourselves and if it’s low we can fix it. Focus on our good qualities and self growth and treat our own selves how we would treat a good friend.

And always try to build each other up, not drag anyone down. 

Also, thank you to everyone who wrote me comments recently!! I greatly appreciate it and will respond soon! 

😀

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Help Me to Heal {a healing activity}

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“Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn ’til you learn to love yourself
Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn ’til you learn to love yourself
Love will lead you home…
Love will lead you home…
Love will lead you home…” ~ Olivia Newton John ❤

A few years ago I came across a blog, I don’t remember the blog now but wish I had the link still or remember the name. It’s an art journaling blog on blogger.com, I think, and the lady suggested an activity to help heal any emotional pain we may have about certain incidents or situations in life.

I may have shared it before on here but I don’t remember. 

If so, it’s ok, it won’t hurt to share it again! 

The activity is to take an index card and a pencil and very lightly, in almost imperceptible strokes of the pencil, write on the index card every painful emotion we have surrounding whatever incident or struggle we choose. Make sure the words are incredibly light, almost unseen. Or write the words regularly then lightly erase them but still leave a vestige of what was. This, I suspect, is to symbolically lessen their power over us. So we are no longer gripped in their bondage. 

The event or situation can be anything at all that hurts us, for example a painful breakup, the loss of a friend or family member, pet to death or any other way, a family member or friend diagnosed with a serious illness, being rejected in some way, losing a job, the loss of an important material object (house, car, jewelry, money…), chronic pain or illness, sexual assault, abuse, addiction, feeling abandoned or excluded….. anything that hurts.

After filling the entire index card up with words to describe our pain, words like: pain, rejection, lost, lonely, empty, grief, despair, torture, fear, embarrassed, devastated, angry, furious, broken, confused, numb, guilt, betrayed, envy,jealous, sorry, regret, doubt, heartbreak…..

We then take a marker of any color, especially a bold color, and write over the light penciled words in bold words, positive words like: love, healing, compassion, self-love, inspiration, wisdom, life, joy, happiness, laughter, light, optimistic, positive, balance, full, pleasure, fulfilled, Metta, gratitude, oneness, empathy, understanding, caring, beauty, perseverance, overcoming, stillness, serenity, peace, calm, tranquil, recovery, vitality, spark, acceptance, hope,longevity….

I’m guessing this activity is symbolic of positive energy and emotions overpowering the unpleasant ones. The light penciled words have no power over us if we do not allow them. And if we choose and work on it, we can let the bold, happy words take over. The light words are still there. Here. They still exist, the scars still exist. But they are now dormant or powerless or just not the main thing we experience any longer, not the noxious energy they once were. 

Here is a fake one I made just for this post:

Unpleasant emotions/thoughts:

IMG_14173028_1

(I made the words dark enough to see on here)

Empowering words/emotions/thoughts:

IMG_14173029_1

“The answer is sleeping
Inside your heart
True love that you long for
That’s where it starts” ~ Olivia Newton John ❤

The situation I chose for this activity a few years ago is a form of rejection I once experienced. I allowed this experience to get to me much, much longer than is necessary. Well over a year after this experience, I was still shattered, devastated beyond words with no sign of it getting better. Some moments were worse than others. Some moments/days I finally felt like it would be ok but then I would crash back into the seemingly unbearable pain of it, feeling like I couldn't possibly go on. 

It wasn't depression but every now and then it would trigger a months/weeks long episode of depression and deep despair and even severe headaches, which became more frequent after this experience and lessened after I felt healed to a certain degree. Then when the depression would lift or the headache would ease, the severe pain of this situation would still linger, breaking me, bringing me to ruin. 

Rejection, loss, unrequited love, broken friendships/relationships,….are part of living and it's ok to experience them and for them to really affect us in deep and painful ways but they should never take over so much of life to where that's the main thing we dwell on each day and allow it to ruin our days or whole life. I let it ruin me. It's best if the pain of these situations begins to heal to a certain extent after a while. The pain does not have to be the thing that generally or frequently dominates. 

I was so pleasantly surprised at how much this activity really did heal me. I usually don't say things like something healed me or made me do something or caused something, because really, things usually help, provoke, and contribute to things, not actually cause it or make it happen. Things help me to heal. They don't usually heal me just themselves. 

But I feel this activity really healed me. Not completely. This is a scar I will always have and that's a good thing! It's good to be affected by all of life in both painful and joyous ways.

It's great to be touched in both pleasant and painful ways, by people and situations. 

It's better than being dead or numb or indifferent.

"There's nothing more whole than my broken heart." ~ Hasidic saying

But this activity really helped me heal the worst of the pain. It helped me release painful emotions themselves and the pain of how I viewed certain things. It helped me let go and liberate myself so I am no longer ruled by the situation. 

I was expecting it to maybe help a little bit, even if only during the moments I was engaging in it. But even after it was over, I immediately sensed a change deep within. I felt something release and shift and while I still carry that pain, that scar, that sliver of an ache, it's usually not the red, flaming hot agony it once was that felt like it was scorching the very soul of me.

"I know I'll find the strength to fight
If I can trust I'm gonna be alright
So walk me through my darkest fears tonight
Help me to heal
Help me to feel
All I know is what I see
So won't you help me to believe
Help me to heal" ~ Olivia Newton John

Help Me to Heal – mobile

Help Me to Heal – desktop

I only ever did this activity once and I lost the card but I have it somewhere. I read a book recently about how to cleanse our energy or aura and in the book is an amazing list of healing activities I’m going to try. This one is not in the book but the book reminds me of this one. It’s a fantastic cleansing experience. 

This activity can be performed for any problem whether it’s seemingly trivial or feels like it’s the end of the world.

I’m going to try it again for other struggles. 

I strongly recommend this activity. It’s not a cure and there’s no doubt in my mind that not everyone will be as helped by it as I am.
It’s likely not for everyone. Even if it doesn’t have long lasting effects like it does for me, just the act of engaging in it can be very healing. 

We can also color it with soothing colors, draw on it, anything creative to add to it. We can put our own spin on it.

It’s a very simple, very brief, but very profound method of healing.

I hope you find it healing like I do if you want to try it!

Learn to Love Yourself – mobile – Olivia Newton John

Learn to Love Yourself – mobile

Much love & light to you, always! 

😀

Xoxo Kim  ❤