Tag Archive | self love

Perfection πŸ’œ

I’m Beautiful – Bette Midler

“Well, I woke up one morning
Flossed my teeth and decided
‘Damn, I’m fierce!'”

There’s a movie I watched recently, called, “A Perfect Ending.” It’s about a wife who is not in a happy marriage with her husband. They were never truly happy together and she never felt passion in their relationship.
There are lots of sexual scenes in this movie, just in case anyone (sex repulsed asexuals, for example) needs a content warning. And some of the scenes seem to involve BDSM(very brief and hazy scenes if I remember correctly). There is nothing wrong with this; it’s all consenting adults. But anyone who has been traumatized in any way may be triggered by any scene that appears to be an assault scene even if it’s not. For anyone who doesn’t know, BDSM(Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism, Dominance, Submission ?) , is an activity that some people like to do where they tie each other up or one ties the other up, and scream and stuff, hitting and strangling may be involved, usually for sexual purposes, but some people like to leave the sexual aspect out and just hit/strangle each other and stuff(or one hits/strangles the other) just for thrills without the sexual aspect. lol It’s all consensual so it’s all good! If I was going to do that, I would leave the sexual out of it. lol They may be couples or groups of people involved. They can be any genders. If I was going to try it, I would choose a woman to be dominant over me. I could never hit her or strangle her even if she wanted it. I don’t have it in me. I don’t want to be hit either though. Or choked to death. lol But I would take it before I would dish it out. They have a safe word that gets the dominant person to stop the strangling and stuff. It’s something that is not “No, stop, don’t” because they scream those words to make it feel real. So when they really want someone to stop, they have a word they say. I don’t know much about BDSM at all, just a very limited idea. People into BDSM are just ordinary people with a kink; any kind of person can be into it.

Hopefully, I am not saying anything disrespectful or completely inaccurate since I am not very educated on the topic.

Some people get a thrill out of inflicting pain upon a consenting adult or being the target of pain inflicted by someone else. Like I said, nothing wrong with it; whatever floats your boat as long as it’s all consensual and adults. But someone who has actually been assaulted before or experienced any kind of trauma may be triggered seeing someone tied up and screaming even if the people like it and are consenting. Our brain can’t tell the difference. And it does look scary.

Anyway, this movie is not about that at all. There is just like one or two very brief scenes I think, involving it. So just a heads up!

And there is one scene I don’t understand. It is a flashback or memory that looks like an actual assault scene(not real, of course, but real in the movie, not BDSM) , just in case anyone needs a trigger warning.

The movie also involves terminal illness. When I struggled with health anxiety for six months in 2019, I could not watch movies involving cancer. My health anxiety started out as a horrific irrational (irrational because I obsessed almost every second of every day for six months and had no true reason to believe I was sick) fear of melanoma then turned to fear of all cancer in general. Someone in the movie has terminal cancer and dies at the end. It is made clear in the beginning that someone is sick and is running out of options but we do not know who until the end. We just hear a doctor talking and see pill bottles and a cemetery stone and a casket with flowers in different scenes. We also see a paper saying someone has malignant melanoma that has metastatized(sp?? I dont care to look up the spelling) and is inoperable.

I won’t give away any very big spoilers but if anyone wants to watch without knowing anymore details, skip this post for now!

Mini spoiler warning
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The wife, who is very rich, financially, mentions to her friends that she is not and has never really been in love with her husband of many years. She only married him because she was a single mom of a toddler and wanted security. She mentions that she wants passion like they have in their relationship and sexual pleasure, which she has never experienced. So they suggest that she gets a callgirl and hooks up with her. They think maybe she needs a woman; they are certain that women are better lovers than men. lol (I wouldn’t know but sure they are right! 🀣😁)

(Also, I know not everyone is either a man or a woman – there are some who are non-binary or a combination of male, female, or other…In the movie they were talking about men & women though so that is why I only mentioned them. I’m not excluding anyone)

So she gets involved with a much younger and stunningly beautiful callgirl. At first it’s meant to be strictly bussiness. The woman pays the other woman for sexual pleasure and the other woman gladly accepts the money. But they soon fall madly in love with each other and it’s no longer about business. The callgirl, Paris, quits taking on other clients and wants to stay with this one woman, whose husband has no idea she is cheating. Her husband has never tried to make her feel loved and cares much about appearance and perfection. The wife has felt very insecure for years.

The younger woman, Paris, is very loving and wise.
There is a scene where the two women are laying in bed together and the young woman is stroking the older woman’s skin. She reaches for her stomach and Rebecca, the other woman, stops her.
This is a brief and beautiful conversation they have during this scene, packed with wisdom.
Rebecca: “Don’t; I hate my stomach. I haven’t been to the gym in way too long. I used to have a pretty good body before kids and menopause. I never looked like you though. Wow.
Paris: (Referring to her own physical beauty) This, this doesn’t mean anything. Rebecca.
Rebecca: I hate that I did this. (I think she’s referring to a body modification, maybe implants, but not sure)
Paris: Why did you?
Rebecca: It was a birthday present from Mason. He loves perfection. It’s sort of the one thing we have in common. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be perfect. I never felt good enough, or thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough.
Paris: All of the things that make us not perfect are what make us so perfectly who we are. That’s who you are, Rebecca. Perfection.

Isn’t this beautiful? A great reminder to us all!

It’s a sweet & beautiful love story if you ignore the fact that she’s cheating on her husband. lol Not that this makes it ok but her husband is not the best; he’s not very loving to her; their marriage is stagnant, and worst of all, he does not think of or treat her daughter as his own even though he brought her up since she was a baby. He only regards the younger brothers as his since they are biologically his. I would leave him just for that. If someone is important to us, I believe their kids should be too. If I have a friend with kids, I love her kids automatically. Also, I don’t have much experience with human children but I cannot imagine bringing up a child and not loving the child like my own and regarding the child like my own. I’m a pet nanny and I love all the furballs like my own n they are not mine in any way at all.

I love the character, Paris, the callgirl. She’s intelligent and wise and sexy and confident. She’s also compassionate. She experienced something traumatic and devastating, previously. Some may have a serious issue with her since a married woman is cheating on her husband with Paris and Paris knows she is married. But if you can forget that little detail, you may just fall in love with her. lol 😍

Whenever I watch a movie that is especially packed with wisdom or has a scene in it with a wise or beautiful message, I love to share!
So the message here is we are all beautiful, especially because of our flaws and perfect because of our imperfections. And while the physical beauty of a person is pleasing, it is not important and actually means nothing.

This does not mean not to get all dolled up or cosmetic surgery if we want and not take pleasure in someone else’s or our own beauty, just that there are more important aspects of a person. Of course beauty, hair, makeup salons are all good! I love looking at beautiful women and I follow many fashion and makeup accounts! But I know a good personality, a loving heart, is more pleasing than a pretty face or banging body. Also, more potential to be longer lasting.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❀

Xoxo Kim

Mental loop

“I sit at my desk. San Francisco sparkles through the large bedroom windows. A Coca Cola sign blinks off, then rebuilds itself, one letter at a time. I see cars on Market street, red taillights. The famous tower over twin peaks is swallowed up by the night, hidden by fog. A neighbor’s balcony light comes on. Sliding door opens, a woman in shorts and t-shirt steps out, kneels to pick something up, then returns inside. The door shuts. If you were to open up my head at this moment and peer within, you’d find yourself asking with a thick Southern drawl, ‘Does this boy not have an imagination?’ There is only one thought running through my head: I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.”~Kamal Ravikant ❀

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

BeYOUtifulβ™‘

“I’m not too short, I’m not too tall, I’m not too big, I’m not too small. Ooh, don’t lemme start lovin’ myself! Ooh, don’t lemme start lovin’ myself! I’m not too white, I’m not too black, I’m not too this, I’m not too that…. I’m beautiful, dammit.”

Check out my under-eye wrinkles. I love to put pretty effects/filters on my pictures to make them look glossy or make the colors pop and things like that. I was going to post this pic on Instagram with inspiring song lyrics (not the ones above) and was looking for a filter to put on the pic, not to cover anything up but just to make it glossier and fix the lighting, things like that.

 I found a filter called “portrait” and love it! It makes the pic look glossy and bright but not overly bright to where it looks washed out or grainy. And then I noticed what that photo effect does to my under-eye wrinkles. It covers them up and makes my skin look almost flawless. My wrinkles don’t show up clearly in every pic but as you can see, they definitely do in this one. 

I wasn’t completely sure what they’re called at first, lines? Wrinkles? Laughlines? So i looked it up on Google. Lol Turns out, they are wrinkles. And every single thing that showed up on Google, that I saw, page after page, after page, is how to get rid of them, conceal them, or lessen them, makeup, medical procedures, home remedies, lifestyle changes….it struck me how much I don’t mind that I have them. In this society (U.S., where I live), we (especially girls/women, it seems), are very much pressured to look certain ways and to look as young as possible, years, even decades younger than we are. We’re not supposed to have wrinkles or gray hair or laugh lines or stretch marks or extra flubber or under eye bags….the list goes on & on & on. 

Seeing all these Google search results with all these women so desperately searching for ways to get rid of & cover up these wrinkles and seeing all these companies desperate to sell their products to help us perfect our skin, I experience deep compassion for all of those girls who obsess and feel so self conscious and like they aren’t enough just how they are. What a blessing it is to not only not mind our wrinkles but to actually find them beautiful. And I do find my under-eye wrinkles incredibly beautiful. And not only mine but beautiful on every face.

They are signs of years of living, years of wisdom, years of laughter, experience, smiles, pain….good & bad, happy & sad…. 

Getting older, aging, old age, middle age, signs of aging….is not something to regret or conceal or fret about. It just is and is a blessing. More years living means more years loving & experiencing.

So here I am sharing my picture with no filter/effect at all, flaunting my wrinkles. In this picture, I have on blue eyeshadow and light bronze eyeliner and that’s it. 

I am sharing this in the hope that anyone feeling low about wrinkles or any signs of aging will be inspired and embrace it instead. I have scars on my right leg (and much lighter ones on the left) on different parts because I was attacked by a dog on a few occasions. My scars are permanent. My skin on my legs used to be flawless. I see so many pictures of girls flaunting their perfect legs and I have no problem with it at all. I’m so happy they love their bodies and want to show them off and I love seeing beautiful women of all sizes, colors, ages, appearances and love celebrating their beauty, both inner & outer beauty, as well as my own.

Sometimes though, I feel a pang, deep inside, a longing, when I see those perfect legs, knowing mine can never again be like that. My scars arent terrible but are very noticeable. I’m not self conscious about them at all but still sometimes wish that I never got them.  Then I see other girls, with way more obvious scars than me, big, beautiful, deep surgical scars, that they share in pictures, along with their stories of perseverance, inner strength, courage and self love and I am inspired. I’m reminded to accept my scars, embrace them, love them. They’re part of me and they tell a story, one of trauma, fear, pain, hope, healing, love. 

So I know that showing off my wrinkles and loving them, can potentially inspire another woman to not feel so low about hers. This isn’t a post against covering up scars, wrinkles….or any blemishes. It’s about accepting and loving who/what we are and loving the body we are blessed with. Nothing wrong with concealing anything. Whatever floats your boat! But some things can’t be concealed or ever go away. So let’s love them. And even if they can be covered up or gotten rid of, love them in the process! It’s beautiful, all the things the body can do, get sick, injured, then heal. Move around, allow us to experience, carry organs, a heart that pumps non stop day & night. Awe-inspiring!

I’m Beautiful (song/youtube)

Much love & light to you, always! And remember to be your own kind of beautiful! β™‘ 

Xoxo Kim 

I am… <3

(Not my photo)

Recently I have been seeing blog posts and Instagram posts where people share a photo that says “I am…” then go onto reminding us all how very powerful our thoughts and words are and give examples of positive “I am” statements: I am creative, I am strong, I am intelligent…

(not my photo)

I have known for a long while that thoughts are powerful and that it’s wise to watch how we talk to\about our own selves whether it’s in our head or out loud.

I rarely feel negative or unpleasant emotions or feelings about myself and even more rarely do I speak\think insulting or abusive words about myself. So when I ever do feel or especially think an unpleasant word about myself, I feel the very toxic effect of it instantly. I’m used to only thinking positive and feeling positive things about me. For as long as I can remember, I had positive self esteem in general, often even when I am depressed.

When I do think or feel unpleasant things about myself, it’s almost always just when I’m depressed and even then I’m careful how I think\speak about myself. When I was young and depressed I often abused myself with words and thoughts but not now. Sometimes still, usually when depressed, I let myself get consumed in feelings of worthlessness and pointlessness.

Anyway, recently I was reminded how powerful words\thoughts are. I have been sick for a few days. Physically. My sinuses are very sensitive since I was little and I get sinus colds and allergies sometimes, not as badly as some people but very uncomfortable on some occasions and sometimes really painful. Usually not very bad though. But recently my sinuses have been hurting really badly and then my throat started to become sore. Also, I have been very fatigued.

I kept thinking “I’m so sick, I’m so weak (physically), ” I am so fatigued!…” and each one of those thoughts, i felt taking even more energy out of me. The fatigue scared me. It was bone deep and so all consuming. I was reaching for a book on my bookshelf thinking “I am so sick” when suddenly I remembered that trend thing I keep seeing around with the “I am…” and how those two words are so powerful so whatever comes after them better be good.

And I thought to myself “I am…strong” “I am resilient” “I am optimistic” “I am beautiful”

And of course I’m still going to be sick and fatigued and whatever else because words and thoughts very likely won’t directly cure something but the point is to shift our focus to what is good, to place our awareness on our positive qualities and situations.

(not my photo)

This isn’t about denying or repressing or ignoring our unfortunate or unpleasant situations. That is unhealthy. But so is dwelling on them, feeding into them with too much of our attention.

Thinking positively generates positive, healing energy. And just makes it easier to cope with unpleasant things. So let’s list some positive “I am…” statements.

I am strong.

I am powerful.

I am thankful.

I am beautiful.

I am wise.

I am creative.

I am hopeful.

I am resilient.

I am optimistic.

I am fierce.

I am empowered.

I am enough.

I am confident.

I am compassionate.

I am warmth.

I am tender.

I am beauty.

I am Light.

I am sacred.

I am Love.

πŸ˜€ ❀

It’s not even a really bad cold, just unpleasant. But this cold gave me the opportunity to put positive thinking into practice and see incredible instant results and be reminded of a life lesson. And I want to share in hopes that it may inspire someone else. I am so thankful for all the people who have been posting the “I am…” things. We may not always realize just how deeply our posts on social media can touch others. Let’s keep sharing that positivity!

Much love & light to you, always!

😍 ❀ πŸ˜€

xoxo Kim ❀

Be.YOU.tiful ❀

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This is me today at work! ❀

And here is a quote I saw recently:

It’s okay to be who you are. If you’re nervous, be nervous. If you’re shy, be shy.” πŸ’œ

I love how this quote encourages us to be just us. It’s a good thing to change what we want if we truly want to change it. But it’s also great to just accept our own self just the way we are. Some things can’t be changed and some we may think we want to change or think we don’t like but it’s really someone else’s opinion or the opinion of the society in which we live, influencing us to change, to “fix,” to make better.

Let’s stop and think. Do we truly want to change whatever it is because we our self wish to change it or is the view of others getting to us?

If it’s the views of others, let’s consider not changing just for that. And if we truly want to lose the weight, get the surgery, makeover, dye our hair..we can still love our own self while changing it. Our beauty and value are not dependent upon anyone else.

My sister loves to cut, style, and dye her hair. It’s just how her personality is. She gets many compliments on her style and boldness, shaving half her head and having the other half blue or some other dyed color. On so many occasions, strangers and people we know, come up to compliment her and then ask me, “So when are you going to cut\dye your hair?”Β 

I don’t cut or dye my hair and have never dyed it and am not going to. Five years ago I got my first haircut in seventeen years! It was cut in layers and still fairly long. Now, five years later and I haven’t got it cut since then other than trimming it now and again. It’s long enough for me to sit on. My dogs and people sit on it and pull it by accident! It annoys me but I love my hair!

Also, I am very shy and always have been. When I just meet someone or don’t see someone often, I am usually not talkative. It’s not fear or anxiety or introversion. I love meeting and being around people and am calm in social settings and am extroverted, just a shy extrovert. πŸ˜€

I have frequently been told to start getting loud and outgoing. It’s not my choice to feel shy; I just am. I don’t have a problem with it and don’t wish to change it. Being loud and outgoing, frequently changing hairstyles is all great. It’s just not for me.

Also, I LOVE Oldies music and people think it’s weird and I used to be embarrassed about it but now I embrace my love for old music.

And I don’t watch TV but love to read. This is embarrassing sometimes but I never try to conceal it.

I dont drink alcoholic drinks and never had more than a few sips in all of my days. It’s embarrassing but alcohol just does not appeal to me in any way and never has. It’s just not my cup of tea(except to take pictures of!).

Β  I don’t want kids and never have. Β I love kids and want to work with extra needs children. But being a mom isn’t the life I want for me. Not for any specific reason though; I just have no desire to have kids. I used to lie years ago and tell people I do want kids so people wouldn’t think I’m a bitter old witch who doesn’t like kids. Now I embrace me for all that I am. I would love my kids if I had kids; that’s just not the life I choose. Β Β 

If you love to loosen up with a glass of wine or shot of whisky, embrace who you are! If you’re like me and hardly ever had more than a sip, embrace that too!

Shy or ououtgoing , love and accept who you are.

Bookworm? Embrace it!

Watch TV all day?Β 

That’s OK if it’s what we truly want!

Stay at home parent, working parent, not a parent, don’t want to be, can’t be… Whatever…love yourself. πŸ’œ

As long as we aren’t hurting others or directly interfering, let’s embrace and love it. β€πŸ’œπŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ’›πŸ˜πŸ˜€

And if it is interfering with someone, we can always change for the better.

Live with it & love it. πŸ’™

But let’s remember not to be stuck up and sanctimonious about it(unless we really want to be, lol)! We don’t have to negatively judge others for lifestyles we would never choose or for loving stuff we don’t love or not loving stuff we love. Let’s celebrate our oneness, our similarities, and our diversity. β€πŸ’ž

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Know our worth

(Not my photo!)

This is a fantastic reminder to not see ourselves through the eyes of those who do not think much of us whether they outright mistreat us or just pay us no mind.

There have been occasions I liked/wanted to be friends with someone who had no interest in me at all and occasions people tried to degrade me and I began to see myself through their eyes and assumed everyone must think of me how they do or that it must be true, I must be worthless. I don’t have a habit of doing this but there have been occasions it occurred.

It’s not just an adolescent thing either. Even adults can be deeply troubled by how others view them or how we think they do.

Not everyone is going to like everyone and there’s nothing wrong with that. We don’t all have to be close friends or acquaintances but it’s important to remember that the low opinions of others or the apathy have nothing to do with us.

All that matters is our own opinion of ourselves and if it’s low we can fix it. Focus on our good qualities and self growth and treat our own selves how we would treat a good friend.

And always try to build each other up, not drag anyone down. 

Also, thank you to everyone who wrote me comments recently!! I greatly appreciate it and will respond soon! 

πŸ˜€

❀

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Help Me to Heal {a healing activity}

20160211141609

“Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn ’til you learn to love yourself
Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn ’til you learn to love yourself
Love will lead you home…
Love will lead you home…
Love will lead you home…” ~ Olivia Newton John ❀

A few years ago I came across a blog, I don’t remember the blog now but wish I had the link still or remember the name. It’s an art journaling blog on blogger.com, I think, and the lady suggested an activity to help heal any emotional pain we may have about certain incidents or situations in life.

I may have shared it before on here but I don’t remember.Β 

If so, it’s ok, it won’t hurt to share it again!Β 

The activity is to take an index card and a pencil and very lightly, in almost imperceptible strokes of the pencil, write on the index card every painful emotion we have surrounding whatever incident or struggle we choose. Make sure the words are incredibly light, almost unseen. Or write the words regularly then lightly erase them but still leave a vestige of what was. This, I suspect, is to symbolically lessen their power over us. So we are no longer gripped in their bondage.Β 

The event or situation can be anything at all that hurts us, for example a painful breakup, the loss of a friend or family member, pet to death or any other way, a family member or friend diagnosed with a serious illness, being rejected in some way, losing a job, the loss of an important material object (house, car, jewelry, money…), chronic pain or illness, sexual assault, abuse, addiction, feeling abandoned or excluded….. anything that hurts.

After filling the entire index card up with words to describe our pain, words like: pain, rejection, lost, lonely, empty, grief, despair, torture, fear, embarrassed, devastated, angry, furious, broken, confused, numb, guilt, betrayed, envy,jealous, sorry, regret, doubt, heartbreak…..

We then take a marker of any color, especially a bold color, and write over the light penciled words in bold words, positive words like: love, healing, compassion, self-love, inspiration, wisdom, life, joy, happiness, laughter, light, optimistic, positive, balance, full, pleasure, fulfilled, Metta, gratitude, oneness, empathy, understanding, caring, beauty, perseverance, overcoming, stillness, serenity, peace, calm, tranquil, recovery, vitality, spark, acceptance, hope,longevity….

I’m guessing this activity is symbolic of positive energy and emotions overpowering the unpleasant ones. The light penciled words have no power over us if we do not allow them. And if we choose and work on it, we can let the bold, happy words take over. The light words are still there. Here. They still exist, the scars still exist. But they are now dormant or powerless or just not the main thing we experience any longer, not the noxious energy they once were.Β 

Here is a fake one I made just for this post:

Unpleasant emotions/thoughts:

IMG_14173028_1

(I made the words dark enough to see on here)

Empowering words/emotions/thoughts:

IMG_14173029_1

“The answer is sleeping
Inside your heart
True love that you long for
That’s where it starts” ~ Olivia Newton John ❀

The situation I chose for this activity a few years ago is a form of rejection I once experienced. I allowed this experience to get to me much, much longer than is necessary. Well over a year after this experience, I was still shattered, devastated beyond words with no sign of it getting better. Some moments were worse than others. Some moments/days I finally felt like it would be ok but then I would crash back into the seemingly unbearable pain of it, feeling like I couldn't possibly go on.Β 

It wasn't depression but every now and then it would trigger a months/weeks long episode of depression and deep despair and even severe headaches, which became more frequent after this experience and lessened after I felt healed to a certain degree. Then when the depression would lift or the headache would ease, the severe pain of this situation would still linger, breaking me, bringing me to ruin.Β 

Rejection, loss, unrequited love, broken friendships/relationships,….are part of living and it's ok to experience them and for them to really affect us in deep and painful ways but they should never take over so much of life to where that's the main thing we dwell on each day and allow it to ruin our days or whole life. I let it ruin me. It's best if the pain of these situations begins to heal to a certain extent after a while. The pain does not have to be the thing that generally or frequently dominates.Β 

I was so pleasantly surprised at how much this activity really did heal me. I usually don't say things like something healed me or made me do something or caused something, because really, things usually help, provoke, and contribute to things, not actually cause it or make it happen. Things help me to heal. They don't usually heal me just themselves.Β 

But I feel this activity really healed me. Not completely. This is a scar I will always have and that's a good thing! It's good to be affected by all of life in both painful and joyous ways.

It's great to be touched in both pleasant and painful ways, by people and situations.Β 

It's better than being dead or numb or indifferent.

"There's nothing more whole than my broken heart." ~ Hasidic saying

But this activity really helped me heal the worst of the pain. It helped me release painful emotions themselves and the pain of how I viewed certain things. It helped me let go and liberate myself so I am no longer ruled by the situation.Β 

I was expecting it to maybe help a little bit, even if only during the moments I was engaging in it. But even after it was over, I immediately sensed a change deep within. I felt something release and shift and while I still carry that pain, that scar, that sliver of an ache, it's usually not the red, flaming hot agony it once was that felt like it was scorching the very soul of me.

"I know I'll find the strength to fight
If I can trust I'm gonna be alright
So walk me through my darkest fears tonight
Help me to heal
Help me to feel
All I know is what I see
So won't you help me to believe
Help me to heal" ~ Olivia Newton John

Help Me to Heal – mobile

Help Me to Heal – desktop

I only ever did this activity once and I lost the card but I have it somewhere. I read a book recently about how to cleanse our energy or aura and in the book is an amazing list of healing activities I’m going to try. This one is not in the book but the book reminds me of this one. It’s a fantastic cleansing experience.Β 

This activity can be performed for any problem whether it’s seemingly trivial or feels like it’s the end of the world.

I’m going to try it again for other struggles.Β 

I strongly recommend this activity. It’s not a cure and there’s no doubt in my mind that not everyone will be as helped by it as I am.
It’s likely not for everyone. Even if it doesn’t have long lasting effects like it does for me, just the act of engaging in it can be very healing.Β 

We can also color it with soothing colors, draw on it, anything creative to add to it. We can put our own spin on it.

It’s a very simple, very brief, but very profound method of healing.

❀

I hope you find it healing like I do if you want to try it!

Learn to Love Yourself – mobile – Olivia Newton John

Learn to Love Yourself – mobile

Much love & light to you, always!Β 

πŸ˜€

Xoxo Kim  ❀

Bloom. <3

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“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it….it just blooms.”

We all have a unique combination of things, gifts, experiences, abilities, goals, ways of doing things, loves, likes, dislikes, physical attributes, personality traits, mistakes, flaws, perfections, accomplishments, beauty, ugliness, wonder, brain/body chemistry, dna, memories….

It doesn’t make sense to try to have competitions with others and compare ourselves in negative ways.Β 

We all have our own histories, our own pace, our own ways…

Let’s bloom where we’re planted, work with and appreciate what we have and where we are, focus on our own life and context.

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Forget what others are doing and wanting and what everyone else has and focus on our own aspirations and desires. There’s always going to be someone with more and with less, with more developed abilities, more accomplishments, more money, and those with less.

There’s always going to be someone who seems to have it all or seems to have accomplished things more quickly.Β 

But we each have our own pace and situations.

“If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese?”

This is a beautiful reminder to blossom as our own self, just the way we are. The one next to us may have much more but it doesn’t make us inferior. We all are very similar in some ways and different in other ways.Β 

But no one can take the place of another. ❀

So let's just be us and bloom where we are while loving each other and encouraging others to do the same.

Much love & light, always! ❀

πŸ˜€

Xoxo KimΒ 

25 fun facts about me

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25 fun (at least I hope?) facts about me!

I’m feeling a bit vain today. Lol πŸ˜€

I will try to mostly list facts I haven’t mentioned here much before.

1.) I always want to hug people who are crying, hurt, or sick. Even fictional characters in books & movies. I have no maternal impulses but I’m very nurturing. I’m not a sympathetic crier. Seeing someone cry won’t make me want to cry but I will want to take the person in my arms and provide as much comfort as I can.

2.) I like loud people who talk & curse a lot. ❀ lol I always have. I’m quiet and gentle and it’s a sweet contrast.

3.) When I was a little girl I always wanted big boobs. Lol I used to do exercises a girl in class with me said can make them bigger. I was jealous when other girls already had boobs. In high school, my first year, I met a couple girls and was having lunch with them and they were talking about boobs and the one girl said “poor Kim, she only has A cups” and the other girl said “yeah that’s too bad.” They weren’t being bratty, they truly felt sorry for me. Lol Then in 12th grade I was sitting in the front of class and I heard a girl in the back say to another “Kim must have gotten breast implants ” and the other girl said “I know! She used to have no boobs now she got the biggest knockers in class!”

Lmao! Guess my wish came true!

4.) I love sour gummi worms! MmmMmm

5.) I was always naturally very thin since I was a little girl, especially as a teenager and younger. No matter how much I consume, I stay thin. This is how my dad is too. I wasn’t underweight or malnourished but it was possible to see my ribs and hipbones.

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But when I turned 25 years old, I put on a lot more weight. I only took size 3-5 pants but soon after turning 25 years old I took size 12.
I was very disappointed. I did not like having to buy new clothes because I put on weight
and physically, I felt very different. I was so used to being/feeling thin and it felt so different. I couldn’t feel my hipbones as much when I put my hand to my hips. It felt very strange.
I have mostly always loved my beautiful body (except sometimes when I was 16 years old & depressed). I never struggled with true body images issues. Just as a secondary thing because of my struggle with depression, when I was a young girl.

One night as I was sulking about the weight, I stood in front of a mirror and was amazed at how beautiful I still found myself.
I realized even more how deep and unconditional my love for my body is.
I still did not like it being disproportionate and not fitting into my old clothes but I still felt nothing but love for it. Not only did I still love it for what it does for me, keeps me alive and let’s me experience but I still found it physically beautiful. I love this experience because it confirmed for me even more that my love is unconditional.
After about a year I went back to being thin but I did nothing to contribute to that intentionally. I still consumed whatever I wanted and all, did no special exercises for weight loss, but after a year, I lost all the weight and fit in my old clothes. And I never put on weight like that again.

Here are some pics of me when I put on the weight.

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As you can probably tell, I was still very confident.

And here is me now/recently:

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(told you I’m feeling the vanity today but it’s ok because you love me, right?! ;-D)

I am beautiful now and was back then as well(makeup is absolutely TERRIBLE though). Now when I look at those old pics of me 5 years ago, I see myself as stunning. I had some dangerous curves! lol I love those curves and that ass. Lol ;-D

We are beautiful no matter our size. Thin girl bashing is just as bad and can be just as damaging as overweight girl bashing.

Real women have curves? Please….
A real woman is a person with the gender identity of a woman. Nothing to do with size or physique.

Also the “girl with no curves is like jeans with no pockets, a man won’t know where to put his hands…” thing is really dumb. If a man doesn’t know where to put his hands on my body, he’s the one with the problem, not me.

Curves have to do with physique anyway, not size. We can be thin with curves and not thin with no curves. I still have curves.

6.) I’m not romantically/sexually attracted to women(or men, actually lol) but I think women are more pleasing to look at than men. Lol ❀

Whatever your gender, gender identity, sexual orientation…

Tell me this

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(you’re welcome! lol)
(not my picture)

Isn’t more appealing than this!

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(you’re welcome! ;-D )
(not my pic!)

Lol

But they’re both incredible looking!

And this!

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(not my pic!)

I love this photo! My dad watches the Sopranos on HBO like every night. That man on the right is a murderer (in the mafia) and the girl on the left is his psychiatrist, Dr. Melfi. They’re both really good looking. He is truly sexy. But I prefer to look at her. She’s even sexier. She’s beautiful. (inside & out) Drop-dead gorgeous.

I wouldn’t mind having depression if I got to stare at and listen to her for 50 minutes each week! Lol ;-D I love their accent, especially how she says words with an “R” in it like “cheers,” “horror,” “for”….it’s adorable!

Her name is Dr. Melfi in the TV show but many refer to her online as Dr. Milfi because she’s sexy as hell. Lol (Milf) She’s so compassionate and soothing. I love her. ❀

You can listen to/watch them talk in this brief therapy scene:

mobile:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OrPIO53cWMY

desktop:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=OrPIO53cWMY

“Even the handsomest men do not have the same momentary effect on the world as a truly beautiful woman does.”

Our professor in college for a clinical psychology class, a clinical psychologist herself, brought in a couple episodes of this tv show for us to watch. This man, Tony, has depression and panic attacks. He’s big and strong and very powerful but still struggles with mental illness and he is embarrassed about it. Our professor wanted to show us that anyone can have a mental illness and it’s not something to be embarrassed about. I found it comforting back then because I was embarrassed about my condition.

7.) I’m single and don’t have a problem with it. I don’t need a romantic relationship to be happy. I always say if I soon find a man who falls head over heels in love with me a nd I fall head over heels in love with him, that’s amazing! But if not, that’s amazing too! I’m not into casual dating at all like when I was in college. I have to see potential for something more or its not happening! Lol πŸ˜‰ (p.s Im actually not into dating at all or romantic relationships and never have been but especially not dates where there’s no substance or connection – if i was going to go on a date though, there would have to be potential for some connection even if just for that one date – and in college, I only rarely went on “dates” and just for the social aspect – I was lonely and had no true friends so would sometimes agree to a “date” or exchanging phone numbers hoping we would end up as platonic friends or he would introduce me to people n get new friends that way but i stopped doing that since our intentions were different – people ask me a lot about my intentions for dating/marriage so i included this)

8.) In high school one day I was cutting class with another girl and we got caught by a police officer who was a few steps in front of us. He very seriously and gloomily called us over and I remember thinking oh shit and my friend started walking over to him but I was getting ready to run. I looked in back of me to see if I had a chance and was going to take her arm and drag her with me and he said “don’t even think about it!” They must be really great at sensing or reading stuff like that! :-O
So I gave in and very reluctantly walked over to him with my friend. He said “You girls cutting school?” and we both looked down and shook our heads yes. He opened the door to his police car and said alright I’m taking you in. Then he burst out laughing and said just kidding get the hell outta here before someone else catches you!

We laughed and ran away completely relieved! I still smile when I remember that!

9.) When I was a little girl I broke into a factory with my friend, that was being remodeled and we stole some tools and walked around the neighborhood selling them for one dollar for each tool! We told everyone that our dads gave us their old tools. We even sold some to my dad and said they were her dad’s and sold some to her dad saying they were my dad’s old tools.

We later felt so guilty! Especially lying to our dads like that. But all the candy and chips and juicies we bought with the money really cheered us up!

10.) I’m embarrassed by my middle name and always have been. I used to tell people I don’t have one. My sister has the same one as me. I thought it would be cute for us to have the same one. She’s over ten years younger. But I just about die whenever someone asks me what it is.

11.) I am 5 feet and 5 inches tall and used to wish I was taller. I love when I wear six inch heels and feel so taller than everyone else!

12.) For as long as I can remember, I never had “current” interests in like music, singers, clothes….once I’m loving or into something, it usually stays that way. My favorite songs now are the same ones that were when I was little with more added. My tastes stay the same. And I like it that way.

13.) When I was in middle school, I saw a recipe to make peanut butter cups and wrote it down and made them all by myself! I was so proud! I am not one to bake or cook and have no real skills for anything so it was so pleasing to do that all by myself! They were delicious and I ate them all by myself too. πŸ˜€

14.) Weekdays have my heart more than weekends. Much more. Just the feel of a week/work day. It’s like magic. ❀

15.) I don’t need coffee. And I don’t drink it everyday. I go days without it.

16.) I love cranberry juice. Yum!

17.) I am extremely patient and am frequently told at work how wonderfully patient I am with people. Aww ❀ I just love people.

18.) It’s sweet to live in a place where we are blessed with the diversity of all four lovely seasons. I love all four. My favorite is Winter & my least favorite is Summer. πŸ˜€ I love talking/writing/reading about the weather. To me, it’s inspiring, not merely a “safe” or boring topic just to discuss to have something to say. The seasons deeply inspire me.

19.) the only social media accounts I have are this, Facebook, listography, and photobucket. My sister set up all kinds of other ones for me like Twitter, tumblr..
Whatever else but I can’t get into that.

20.) I have mostly always loved being me. At every age I have ever been. Every stage of life. Even with depression, I couldn’t want to be anyone else.

21.) Thinking much about my ancestry isn’t something I do other than the fact that it’s amazing how ancient people all came together to lead to me. Think about how if one little thing was different, if one person hooked up with someone else instead of another, you, me…wouldn’t be here! What are the chances?! So slim! We could have been someone else! I almost want to cry it’s so beautiful & rare just to be us!!! But I don’t think of myself as anything other than American. I grew up here, my culture contributes so much to what I am, not my ancestry as much. People ask me if I’m Irish because of my last name (my last name is but I am not) but I’m not, I’m just American. If I grew up in Ireland I would be but I grew up right here, never set foot in Ireland.

22.) I don’t take it hard when people lie to me. I’m not that special that if you lie to me it’s the most Earth shattering thing. So many people say they “hate” liars and take being lied to very personally but not me. It’s nothing personal. If they’re lying to you or to me, they very likely lie to others. It’s not like I never told a lie before. And not like I won’t tell a lie again. I’m generally very truthful and open and don’t lie for thrills but come on, who seriously doesn’t ever lie? Are you telling me in all of your days you never do anything and never have done anything but tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Come on man, get real.

23.) When I was a teenager one year(actually it was a couple years but I did not hang out with them as much after the first year we met), I had a group of friends who were into alcohol and other drugs and sometimes we would all hang out together in some of their houses with no adults around. Sometimes they tried to give me alcohol or other drugs but I always resisted and was never tempted. Now when I think of it, it’s really amazing how a teenager had that kind of steely resolve to never once collapse into that peer pressure, especially a lonely depressed, suicidal teenager who longed for the love of deep friendship. I knew it’s not for me and did not give in to something just because others wanted me to. I’m not even bragging(i’m actually embarrassed to admit I never experimented with alcohol/cigarettes/other drugs) . Lol I’m just kind of in awe.

24.) In college, I took psychology & philosophy. I took psychology for practical purposes and philosophy just for sheer interest. I always wanted a job helping people and heard that things like social work and psychology are good to take for jobs helping others. So I chose psychology. People always said I would have to be a doctor and that there’s no other jobs for psych. Students if we don’t get a medical degree or phd. I was not very informed back then and just agreed and said “ok I’ll get one of those degrees!” lol without even knowing exactly what they are. I later realized that’s not for me and there’s various jobs we can have with an education in psychology. I never did anything with the degree. I work at a store. Lol

25.) I was never the stereotypical psych. Student. I did not ever try to “diagnose” everyone I encounter or myself. I never felt like I have every disease we learned about in psych. Classes and I am nowhere close to being qualified to diagnose people. I don’t feel that I can get in people’s heads and I really do not want to. I don’t over analyze real life situations or people. I save that for when I’m reading fiction. Lol Sometimes things really are just what they seem and don’t need interpretation or analysis. People often assume when I tell them I went to school for psych. That I can or am trying to get in their heads. The comments I get by strangers when I tell them are a turn off! Lol I don’t like telling people that I took psychology too much. It doesn’t mean I’m super intelligent or can get in your head!

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So hopefully you find these facts interesting? If not, oh well, it was still fun writing them!

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~Hugs~ ❀

Much0 love,

xoxo Kim