Tag Archive | sky

March Sunrise

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“Just before Sunrise there is a dark night.”

Today I decided to get up early and watch the sun come up.

It was a cold, lightly windy morning. My dogs and me went into the backyard bright & early and watched the amazing sun rising into the perfect blue.

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It’s awe inspiring to witness! First, it was a darkened blue sky with hazy white/gray colored clouds, then a hint of orange appeared!

Breathtaking! The most amazing thing to see is the first hint of the sun rising.

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The Sunrise always reminds me of hope and new beginnings, like almost anything is possible and everything is ok and will always be.

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Just before the sun came up. Isn’t it beautiful?!

Like always, I took pictures at some points but also just watched some moments and basked in the pure beauty. In my opinion, just seeing/feeling beauty is often more important than capturing it!

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Even now, hours later, I still feel that awe surge through me that I felt while watching it. ❤

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!


Much love & light,

xoxo Kim

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January Sunrise <3

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“Good mornin’ sun, I say it’s good to see you shinin’
I know, my baby brought you to me
She kissed me yesterday, hello to silver linin’
Got spring and summer running through me”

Today, I got to watch the sun rise early in the morning! How beautiful!

I don’t usually see it rising. It was pink & orange and brilliant looking. 

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It doesn’t look as bright in the pictures as it really did. 

Watching the sun rise is always a beautiful start to the day.

How can we watch the sun rising in the early morning and not have a great day?! ;-D

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Also I thought of this sweet song today! Isn’t it lovely?  Another one of those sweet, happy songs.
We don’t have to have a lover though, to feel this way! Lol  

“Hey everybody on the street, I see you smilin’
Must be because I found my baby
You know, she’s got me on another kind of highway
I want to go to where it takes me” (98.6) ~ Keith (performer)

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I love the way he feels as if the whole world is happy for him! 😀 ❤

I think a good goal to have this year would be to get a picture of the sun rising for each month of the year. Usually when I catch the sun rising, it’s by accident, I just wake up to it and run out and get a pic. But it would be sweet to catch for each beautiful month! I think I will! Luckily I already got January’s before it’s over & I miss my chance this year! Now I hope I remember each month! ;-D

These pictures here aren’t edited. I do have ones I put an effect on earlier to make the colors pop and they are pretty but since that isn’t real, I’m just sharing these for now.
To some people, they may not be as pretty as the edited ones but I love what they symbolize: the gift of a new day. And the blessing of having the chance to watch the sun coming up. I have my vision to see it and the chance to see it. Also, I have passion & desire and a sense of wonder. And the life of a new day.

I hope you are having a wonderful day!! ❤ 😀

xoxo Kim

November Sunset <3

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“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.” I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.” ~Carl R. Rogers

This is the sun setting this evening around 4:35pm! My sister and me were sitting in the living room and I saw the walls overcome in a pink/orange glow and I said “Is that the sun setting already?!” It seemed early for the sunset! My dog, Woody, was sleeping on me and I did not want to disturb him but I wanred to check the sunset before it disappeared! So after a minute I made him get up ran to the front door and gasped so loud my next door neighbors who were out turned quickly to look at me but I was in awe! And still am! 😀

The above picture is exactly what it looked like! Not much pink or orange, just blue and bright, bright yellow! Isn’t it stunning?! So beautiful!

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The above pictures have no effect and were not altered in any way, it really looked like that! I never saw a sunset like that with so much bright yellow!! I would surely remember! It’s probably the most beautiful one I have been blessed to witness!

But this one here, I did put an effect on just to see what it looks like. It’s not as pretty as the real unaltered thing!

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And here are a couple more not altered. These ones I took on the other side of my street and there was no yellow! Just pink/orange but still pretty!

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This blue picture is not altered except it’s cropped because someone’s tag number showed up in it. I don’t like when people put someone else’s info online so I cut it out. I don’t know why it looks different than the others, maybe the way I held my phone.

And I ran to the back door and took these out back before the beauty faded into the darker beauty of nightfall!

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This is the side out back with the big tree then just on the other side, the same minute, it looked like this!

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I love the reflections on the cars & windows!

and here are some beautiful Fall leaves out back!

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They are so lovely and they feel amazing in my hands, rough but smooth against my skin.

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“Forests, lakes, and rivers, clouds and winds, stars and flowers, stupendous glaciers and crystal snowflakes – every form of animate or inanimate existence, leaves its impress upon the soul of man.” ~ Orison Swett Marden

There’s so much beauty all around us in various forms.

I watched “The Gallows” tonight! I like it but my family said it’s boring! I find it to be creepy and like the ending!

I hope your day/night is going great!

❤ 😀

Standing Knee Deep in a River (Dying of thirst) – Joe Cocker – mobile

Standing Knee Deep in a river – desktop

Hugs & Love,

xoxo Kim

November Sunrise

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“There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.” ~
Bernard Williams

It’s rare that I’m up early enough to see a sunrise! But this morning after 6:00, I woke up in an urgent state to unplug my phone because it was charging overnight and the battery was probably destroyed! But I soon realized that my phone wasn’t charging! It was in bed with me, under a book so my dogs wouldn’t find it and chew it! (I sleep with books…lol) I remembered that I decided not to charge it last night and just go to sleep! 

Then I noticed a pink, very bright pink, hue seeping through the window and reflecting off the walls, I thought to myself “is that the sun rising?!?!” I looked out and sure enough, it was! What a gift! Whenever I would purposely wake up early to see it, I don’t catch it, I look out and nothing. But on a few rare occasions I woke up accidentally and saw it! Even better!

So I ran downstairs and into the backyard
 and took pictures (hoping people weren’t looking out thinking I’m some creeper taking pictures of their windows). It was much more beautiful than it looks in the pictures!

It was more pink than my pictures suggest. My phone camera often has the tendency to make pink skies look more orange than they really look. 

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I love how it reflects in the windows on the house next door.

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Here are two that I altered:

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It’s so disappointing when I take a picture of a beautiful pink streaked sky and it turns out looking orange in the picture! Blah! But i’m so happy I got pics of the sunrise this morning! Sometimes the sky really is bright orange! It’s beautiful when it’s really orange and not a simulated orange!  

Like here:

(this is a sunset)

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This is exactly how the sky looked that night. It’s completely unedited. It really was that bright, that dramatic, that orange! It was amazing to see! It looks so fake! It looked like some orange entity taking over the city! It was reflecting off all the windows on the cars and buildings. 

It was only that orange though on parts of the sky. I held/tilted my phone a certain way to make it look as if the entire city was drenched in orange.

Here is the same night:

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Driving into the sunset! 

They are not all the same picture. They are slightly different and none of those are altered.

But this one is one of the above ones altered with an app on my phone:

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I love both sunrises & sunsets. Sunrise is symbolic of new beginnings and hope. No matter what happens, the sun comes up in the morning. ❤

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Hugs & Love, ❤

xoxo Kim

Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’ – One Year <3

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“What I am well that’s what I am.
I tell you, baby,
That’s just enough for me.”  ~ Alice Cooper

“I choose to fight back! I choose to rise, not fall! I choose to live, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also within you.” ~ (Mayor John Pappas, City Hall movie quote)

Hello, lovelies,

Here is something I can’t believe I’m writing today. I never thought I would live to see today.  
Never in my wildest dreams. I feel a tingling in my wrists.

Almost everyone who knows me knows of my super long battle with severe, suicidal depression. I have suffered with long term mild/moderate depression for much of my life with recurrent severe, despairing, debilitating  long episodes of depression and psychosis on top of that. Day after day, year after year.

My entire life has been consumed by severe, agonizing depression, in a vicious way. And I won’t sugar coat it or butter it up. I was suicidal almost every day for nearly fourteen years. I fantasized, obsessed, planned, contemplated, attempted…in various degrees ending my own life.  Some days I thought I wanted to die but really I just wanted to end the pain, not everything. But many days I did want to die. Not just to end the pain or to find solace but to end my life, everything, good & bad alike. Everything.   It wasn’t always relief I was longing for. Not a purpose I was searching for. Not changes or a better life. Just my own death. It was that bad.

Many days I even had great self esteem, I liked myself, loved myself even, had no problems, everything was beautiful.   But I wanted to be dead. I had no idea why. And when I would try to analyze myself to understand why, I would become even more suicidal. As I have mentioned, there are different degrees of feeling suicidal or thinking of it. It has chemical underpinnings and attitude/environment/circumstance can contribute to it. Sometimes it’s just purely chemical.

Telling people doesn’t faze me. When I’m currently dangerously suicidal I don’t tell people usually, out if fear of being put away.

But I will tell people about the vicious darkness that has consumed me. And I will tell people about Hope & Healing.

I’m not embarrassed by this disease and it’s not pretty but I won’t conceal it. I spent hours upon hours a day for many years just fantasizing about ending my life, I have come so close on many occasions when fear would stop me, fear that it wouldn’t work and I would just be sick, injured, or paralyzed…

I have experienced “black outs” where I would “come to” and find myself in the process of ending my life without realizing I was doing this at first or consciously knowing how I got there.

Some days I would be happy but still have hours of despair in the middle.

I was never able to go more than four months without being suicidal or thinking about it to some degree, mostly though, I couldn’t even go a few days without it.

I tried different things, various medications, dosages, therapists, psychiatrists, hospitalizations, self-help, personal development techniques…until I found the combination that works best for me. Not a cure but ways to heal & cope.

I am generally very happy now.  But I still struggle with the severe episodes.   Not as frequently or as long usually But they still occur. I still struggle with horrifying Psychotic breaks. 

But today is October 1st. My last serious/semi serious suicidal thought/urge was one year ago, October 2012. I cannot remember the exact day. But I know it was in October. Since then I have experienced excruciating episodes of despair, depression, psychosis but I kept hope alive. Knowing it will end and the sun will rise again. 

Medication helps keep me stabilized so I can work on myself in other ways to care for me. I can’t say I’m recovered and don’t know if I will ever be. But I learned to live with it and to cope. 

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I have been struggling for the last few days, feeling an episode coming on. I learned to usually detect impending episodes and be able to prevent a full blown one by monitoring and consciously changing my thinking and actions.

But it’s so hard. I keep feeling suicidal thoughts trying to emerge, not just brief, fleeting ones, but ones that I will begin to entertain and dwell on. Over a year ago they would have taken over by now. But somehow now I am managing keeping them at bay.

 I know some of my triggers but it’s not always triggered by something necessarily, sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.

Last night while I laid it bed, I wanted to let it just have me, have its way with me and succumb to depression and those suicidal thoughts trying to creep into me. It takes energy and motivation that I just don’t always have or feel like working on. Sometimes I don’t even want to.

This is more than just a low mood but it’s not a full blown episode.   I still haven’t had one of those suicidal thoughts.   Something keeps me going. I keep feeling so hopeful then hopeless then hopeful then hopeless. Then hopeful again. 

I keep telling myself after all this, I won’t let myself succumb.   One year is a big accomplishment for me. Those thoughts and urges were so much an integral part of me for well over a decade that it’s incredible to think I finally lived a year without them.  And because of work I did for myself.  This thing has symptoms that must be managed just like other illnesses. It flares up every now & then. It comes & goes. It’s more bullshit than I could have ever wanted to put up with. I’m sorry. {not sorry}.  

Ever since I was a young girl I kept wishing over and over and over (on the rare occasions I wasn’t wanting to be dead) that I could go one year without those suicidal thoughts & urges but I never saw it happening. Until now. Yup, mind=blown. Lol

Depression, psychosis, suicide contemplation are traumatic. All of it. Even recovery or remission is traumatic. It’s weird.   It’s beautiful. It’s freaky.   It’s unfathomable.  Not having those thoughts day in and day out.

And I never get used to it. Every second of every day, almost, I realize how amazing it is to not only be alive but to actually want to be alive.   To be happy in general. To have a strong will and desire to live.

I am overwhelmed.   When I’m in immense physical pain or sickness and it goes away, I have this amazing feeling, a conscious awareness of not being sick or in pain.   But after a while I usually go back to no longer being aware of it, consciously. I get used to it again.

But not this.

This, this never gets old. Not being in an almost constant state of depression, not having thoughts and urges to kill myself everyday all throughout the day, it never gets old. Even after a year, I am almost always conscious of it.

So much zest. So much life. So much passion.

I still get depressed.   I get angry, sad, unhappy. I can be ungrateful and bitchy some occasions.   But in general, I am the happiest girl in the whole USA! Lol ;-D

As I sit here writing this, I feel so many emotions swirling through me. I feel pain, sorrow, and grief, love, gratitude, happiness, confusion, loneliness, elation, heartbreak, and hope. So much hope.

Sometimes when I think back to all my days of horrifying despair & depression & psychosis and I see where I am now, I feel inspired. I see how much I have evolved, I see my growth & all my lessons learned. I have come a long, long way.  But other occasions, thinking back to those days of agony when my depression was so ingrained into me and threaded throughout all my life, I feel drained, horrified at the mere memories. Now I feel a mixture of all those things.

Pain is real.   But so is hope.

I want anyone who is feeling hopeless about anything at all whether it’s something seemingly serious or something which seems trivial to know that thoughts and feelings and perspectives change.  It may take work and it may not change right this second but you won’t be sad forever. Hold on, you got this. 

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Look where I was & look where I am. Look at me now! 😀

“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Go on, take chances. Live. Love. Maybe loving will be a mistake and you will be crushed, abandoned, rejected, ignored, devastated, not loved back…but love anyway. Live anyway. 

Love doesn’t ask for changes, it doesn’t ask for favors or to be loved back, love doesn’t demand someone to think or feel or act a certain way. Love simply loves.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. ” ~ Norman Vincent Peale. 

“I am 99.9% sure it will never get better. But it’s the 0.1% that keeps me going. ” ~ Unknown

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

“If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane” ~ Jimmy Buffett

“Come Monday, it’ll be alright.” ~ Jimmy Buffett. (Jimmy Buffett mentioned that he wrote this song in a C.A. Hotel room when he was suicidal and it saved his life.& I am so thankful. ❤ .)

For all those who don’t feel as old as they are and never will

I rounded first never thought of the worst
As I studied the shortstops position
Crack went my leg like the shell of an egg
Someone call a decent physician
Im no pete rose, I can’t pretend
Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones don’t bend

Im growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead” ~Jimmy Buffett 

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Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

I could pay off my tab
Pour myself in a cab and be back to work before 2
At a moment like this, I can’t help but wonder
What would Jimmy Buffett do?

Jimmy Buffett spoken:
Funny you should ask, Alan
I’d say
Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care

Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
He don’t care
And I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: What time zone am I on?
What country am I in?

Alan: It doesn’t matter

It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: It’s always on five in Margaritaville, come to think of it

Alan: I heard that

Jimmy: You’ve been there haven’t you?

Alan: Yes, Sir

Jimmy: I’ve seen your boat there

Alan: I’ve been to Margaritaville a few times

Jimmy: All right.
That’s good

Alan: Stumbled my way back

Jimmy: OK Just want to make sure you can keep it between the
navigational beacons

Alan: Between the buoys.
I got it

Jimmy: All right.

It’s five o’clock.
Let’s go somewhere

Alan: I’m ready.
Crank it up

Jimmy: Let’s get out of here

Alan: I’m gone” ~ Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett

This song never fails to uplift me.
And this one:

Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

I’ve been deep down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different deamons breathin’ fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled I’d fall right into the trap
That they were layin’

But the good news is there’s angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin’ out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one’s that you’ve been draggin’ for so long
You’re on your knees might as well be prayin’
Guess what I’m sayin’

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going” Rodney Atkins 

“I may be lonely but I’m never alone.” ~ Alice Cooper

” I fearlssly walk into battle
With a shine on my boots and my teeth
Never flinch, never blink, never rattle
My blood is like ice underneath

Oh, I’m the reincarnation of patten
And I’ve got Hannibal’s heart in my chest
God told me I would have rivaled
Alexander the great at his best.” ~ Alice Cooper


But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
Some lovin’,
And TV, yeah.
And that’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
Well that’s enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper

Good day to you all.
P.s. This auto correct on my phone is more insane than I am, constantly changing words to weird things, even changing words to completely different words & bizarre symbols out of nowhere and spelling correct words incorrectly. Luckily I usually catch it before hitting send but occasionally I don’t and am embarrassed if I am writing to someone I don’t know well. The worst is when it changes a word to a different version. It changes “their” to “they’re” so embarrassing! Lol. It recently changed “unfazed” to “phased”! Seriously?! Shit’s off the walls! Thanks auto correct! Thanks a lot, I just love being mortified! It wrote this one day “jesus_20267475.html”. I saved it to show people. Lol I wrote some ordinary word and auto correct deleted it and wrote that thing! Whhhaatt?! Yup, my phone has lost its marbles! I guess we’re made for each other.

 ;-D. Remember, when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

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Blue skies ahead.

Hope lives here.

Creative Photo Hobby {inspiring}

 

 

 

 

 

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Here is one of my creations.   I took this picture of the sky with birds flying in a group & I posted the text to this quote I wrote myself as part of a creative poem I wrote. I hope it inspires you. I love making up quotes, writing poems, taking pics, usually of Nature, and love love love posting words & quotes to pretty pictures I take. It’s very fun & inspiring. It does take some work and is often somewhat challenging.   This is a hobby of mine I’m going to become more dedicated to!     ❤ :-D. 

 

Xox0 Kim ❤ ;-D