“Be melting snow.
Wash yourself of yourself.” ~Rumi
Today I woke up with the headache worse than usual when I wake up, but it wasn’t the worst. Now it’s a lot better.
I woke up with this feeling like this life can’t be better than this. I have no money (I haven’t been working because of the weather, my boss closes for wicked weather! ) and I have a chronic headache but life is still beautiful!
I feel so inspired, so beautiful, so hopeful, so grand. The sun is shining brightly through the bare trees, the ground and everything is covered in melting snow and ice and sludge. It’s so hard to walk because my shoes slip and fill with cold slush. And it’s all so beautiful.
I saw a few birds flying by out my bedroom window. Some of my favorite kind of days are cool/warm Winter days that remind me of an impending Spring. Especially when they are covered in snow and the sun is shining brightly!
I love when the seasons collide and mesh together to form a beautiful medley.
Today I’m eating chocolate Oreo cookies with green mint in the middle instead of the original white cream. They are delicious!! Mint is my absolute favorite! The scent of the mint in these cookies is heavenly.
The air is so cool and so sweet today. It caresses my skin so gently and is exhilarating.
I’m generally happy but I also have recurring episodes of severe depression. The episodes often come close together. They last hours,days, weeks, or months. They used to last around three and four months, sometimes longer. And often in the middle I would have less severe, but often still severe, depression. Through the years I worked on myself to be better and better. Now I’m still not cured but my depression is much less frequent. The duration of my depressive episodes usually isn’t months anymore. Usually they last a month or less now. And I don’t have longterm depression in the middle anymore. Sometimes I still have symptoms in the intervals but not always and not usually as bad. Also, I cope with the depression much better now.
This sunny afternoon, I was thinking what a sharp contrast this beautiful feeling is when compared to that deep, dark, depression I lived (and sometimes still live), for years and years.
What a beautiful, sharp contrast.
Just last night I felt somewhere all the way in the back of my mind that I may be detecting an impending episode. But it quickly vanished. I’m so thankful! Because it’s already in me to have depression, I can have symptoms very briefly that end as quickly as they begin. I can usually detect what kind of episodes I am about to be hit with and approximately how long I will have to endure it. And I can sometimes make it so it doesn’t hit too hard. Isn’t that amazing?! I have different degrees of depression, different severity levels, and different durations. Some only last hours to days while others last weeks to months. Some are severe and some beyond severe. Some are suicidal depression and some are not.
But today there’s not an ounce of depression in me. I am very mindful of not being depressed. One of the great things about having to live a life of longterm depression is when I’m not depressed, I never take it for granted. I realize even more how great it is to be happy! I realize not only how incredible it is to live but to want to live.
And today I am even more mindful of it than usual.
I am filled with immense gratitude.
And I am inspired by this beautiful season.
Winter inspires me deeply.
Yesterday I went for a walk to a couple of stores and I went out of my way just to walk more and to take beautiful pictures!
I will share some here!
This is the same picture with two different effects. Kids and their daddy sledding up on a hill having fun. It was so sweet and inspiring to hear their laughter & squealing and see their love. I remember when I was a little girl and would go sledding with my friends and my dad.
I love the shadows and reflections upon the snow that the fence puts there with the sunlight streaming through the slits.
The sun always comes out again. ❤
I love seeing workers doing work outside.
It’s not all beauty & fun though, I heard a few people were hurt and killed in the recent storm and a few died of heart attacks while shoveling the snow including an 80 something year old man and an eighteen year old girl who was pregnant. Seriously?! An 18 year old?! Her unborn baby and her both died. My heart just sinks. My love & compassion go out to all those affected by these terrible tragedies. How heartbreaking.
Last night my mom, sister, and me watched the movies My Girl & My Girl 2. I haven’t watched those movies in many years and never realized how inspiring they are.
Here is a song that the girl’s mom sings on a video in the second movie:
“Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile”
“Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you”
A beautiful, inspiring reminder to smile even when things aren’t so perfect. There’s always something to smile about!! 😀 ❤
Much love to you,
xoxo Kim ❤