Tag Archive | thanks

Blessings to Come

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Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.” ~ Native American Proverb

I recently read a fictional book (book number two in a series) called “Tribal Court” by Stephen Penner, a legal thriller. I love legal thrillers! Many of the books in the series are already out so I don’t even have to wait! I already read book one and book two and am about to purchase book three (on the Kindle app). 

“Tribal Court” is a fascinating book. The series takes place in Seattle and this book takes place on a reservation near Seattle. When a Native American man is murdered by another Native American person in Seattle close to their reservation, their governments sort of clash. The reservation is a sovereign community and doesn’t necessarily have to follow all of the laws of the state government. And if one of their members kills or is accused of killing another member on state ground, the person can be tried in the Native American Court, which isn’t very accustomed to things like murder in these circumstances and they aren’t completely prepared or familiar with the whole process, especially with unfamiliar state laws thrown in.  The main character in the series is Seattle prosecutor, Mr. David Brunelle, who is sent to the reservation to prosecute the accused man, which he isn’t thrilled about. He’s not welcome there because he’s not a Native American person and is there to impose state ways upon their close – knit community. 

He can be quite an asshole (especially to his girlfriend/sort of girlfriend, the medical examiner he often works with in court and homicide scenes) but he’s a likable character. He doesn’t try to be an asshole, he just does, selfishly, whatever he feels he has to do to get what he wants, even uses people.  I like how the author conveys the character’s human side and not just his professional side. 

Anyway it’s all about Native American culture, some non fiction facts and some fictional details thrown in to fit into the story. The author makes a statement at the end to explain what is and is not fact in his book.

I read the end today. Then later I looked in my “Daily book of positive quotations” for today, March 15th and coincidentally the quote is a Native American proverb:

“Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.”

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This really is a great idea! There are so many great things coming to all of us, things we don’t know about and would never even imagine! So why not be thankful for them already? We don’t know what they all are, have no clue about some of them but we can still give thanks. The life we have provides us with the opportunity to experience many great things.

If we live in a state of gratitude for not only what we already have but all that is to come, it can allow us to be happier than if we aren’t mindful of all the opportunities we have to experience amazing things. It’s so uplifting to think about!

“Always believe something wonderful is about to happen.” 

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Developing, strengthening, or maintaining an attitude of gratitude and a conviction that we have many future blessings that haven’t yet occurred, can really shift our minds to a much happier or more joyful place even if we’re already happy/joyful. And if we’re not already happy and full of joy, that attitude can really help. 

I hope you’re having a beautiful day/night!

😀

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And don’t forget to count your blessings! There’s too many to count (even if we don’t always feel that way) but you can list a few! 
There’s always something to be thankful for even in the worst situations. Even if you’re as low as you can possibly be, there’s something to grasp to be thankful for. Some sliver of light. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

A Note of Thanks <3

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WordPress notified me about a week ago, I think, that my blog here has been getting some unusual attention lately! I was informed that typically the average views each hour that my blog gets is 0 (lol) but then the average views an hour was 28!! Twenty-eight!! Whaaaatt?!

Lol Some Internet celebrity must have shared my blog or something!  

Thank You so much Internet celebrity!  
And Thank You so much to everyone who “likes” & likes, shares, comments, reblogs, lurks, follows….I’m so humbled and grateful!!

You have no idea! The happiness and joy that surges through me to know someone is somehow inspired, uplifted, or helped in some way by my content!

So I’m just writing a little thank you note here to all of you who read/like/comment/share/reblog….

Much love to you! 

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In honor of this amazing news I’m going to share some gratitude quotes!

😀

1.) “Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” ~Author Unknown

This is so true! Sometimes we may feel that we want, need, deserve more than what we have and whether or not that’s true, focusing on this kind of thinking more than focusing on the positivity of what we do already have, is draining and limiting. There’s nothing at all wrong with wanting and striving for more but it’s not good to overlook all of our current blessings just because we want more. I noticed that no matter how much I really want something, taking inventory of all the great things I already have, even the most simplest, mundane things, like the air that I breathe, is an incredible way to feel that right
 now is enough. This moment is enough. 
I can still work for more and want more sometimes but without ignoring all that I currently have. It’s especially uplifting to write down a gratitude list. 

2.) “Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” ~G.B. Stern
 
I definitely disagree with this quote. “Silent gratitude” helps the person experiencing it. The very feeling is beautiful, uplifting, exhilarating. So the person experiencing it is helped. But also, I believe feeling gratitude emits positive vibrations out into the universe which touches others. And a grateful person starts to act grateful and just be more positive and happy and loving, which positively affects others.  But I get the gist of this message, that expressing gratitude out loud or in writing or in some other way, is a fantastic thing and helps people know they and whatever they do for us, are appreciated. 

3.) Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieui

4.) The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ~John E. Southard

Mmm hmmm…! I used to often be a fan of revenge when I felt people did me wrong. Sometimes if someone said something negative to or about me, I would be sure to say something worse back. When I found people were gossiping about me, I spread worse gossip. Equal revenge wasn’t even good enough for me often. I had to “get ’em worse than they got me.” Sweet revenge was something I felt compelled to pursue, whether in a subtle way without them knowing or in a more explicit way.  I realized that’s not the way I really want to be and I began resisting the urges to seek revenge until eventually they became almost non existent. Now I can’t even imagine being that way. I’m so so thankful I came to my senses and outgrew those trivial little games. 

Now I don’t get even, I get even more fabulous! Lol 

5.) Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture. ~Kak Sri

We can learn to view pain, negativity, struggles…as amazing opportunities to get better, get stronger, learn life lessons, and help others. We don’t have to go out looking for pain and bringing it on ourselves and hoping for it but it’s inevitable as long as we’re alive so we can use it to our advantage. 

6.) If you have lived, take thankfully the past. ~John Dryden

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7.) As each day comes to us refreshed and anew, so does my gratitude renew itself daily. The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world. ~Terri Guillemets

8.) I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton

9.) You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink. ~G.K. Chesterton

Yes, let’s be thankful for everything! Every little thing!  

10.) For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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11.) If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get. ~Frank A. Clark

I have found this to often be true. Some people, it seems the more they get the more they want. And gratitude while being a fleeting feeling most of us probably experience at some points can also be a general attitude. An attitude that can be developed, strengthened, and maintained. 
Just as gratitude can be a habit, so can ingratitude. And if a person is ungrateful then when the person gets whatever that person wanted, that habit of ingratitude is likely to carry over. 
I have a natural inclination to be thankful that I have strengthened, with appreciative living techniques, to be even more, consciously grateful in general. But there are some occasions I am being and acting ungrateful when I want something “more” or “better” and I stop and remind myself that an unwavering, underlying, general, foundation of gratitude is better than the fleeting sense that comes with each specific thing someone wants and gets. 
And if I’m not giving thanks for what I already have, why should I get more?  
Gratitude as an attitude can be developed with practice! Even if you are currently not a very grateful person. 

12.) “Praise the bridge that carried you over.” ~George Colman

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! ❤

I hope you’re having a beautiful night or day wherever you are!

Xoxo Kim ❤ 

30 Days of Lists – Day #1 Inspirational Songs

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I have been working on this post for a few days now.

Recently I came across an interesting blog challenge called “30 Days of Lists.” I can’t find the source now but it’s a challenge where everyday we compose a list for any topic we want. They provided some examples like: things about yourself, words you really dislike, places you want to visit….and you can make up your own lists.

Today I’m going to do a list of some of my favorite positive/inspirational songs. I have so so many and I will list some now. I love all kinds of songs, happy, sad, sappy, romantic, friendship, fast, loud, slow, death metal, Oldies, country….but my absolute favorite ones are sappy, about love romantic and platonic/friendship, loving everyone…, Oldies and country.   And inspirational, uplifting ones. I think it’s important to have a special play list of just uplifting ones along with all the others, either uplifting in the message or the tunes.   

Songs that will uplift you and not make you sad.    Sad songs are beautiful too and sometimes it’s good to listen to a song that matches your current mood. But sometimes it’s better to listen to a more uplifting song that will inspire you to be happier.

So here’s my list(many of them are country songs) There are twenty – Six here:

1.) Cherish – Kool and the Gang

This is a romantic love song but it can be applied to life in general.   It doesn’t matter if you’re single or taken, in love romantically or not; you can’t take the lesson to heart, applying it everyday. It’s about being incredibly grateful for THIS life right NOW. You never know what will happen in the next instant, what or who will be taken away, what dramatic changes will occur….”Let’s cherish every moment we have been given, the time is passing by.” Remember this life you have currently, the current state you’re in now, it won’t always be the case. Things can and will change for better and for worse. Health changes, life changes, situations change….take right now to feel blessed.

2.) You and Me – Alice Cooper 

Another romantic love song but can be applied to life in general. The message is about realizing what we have IS beautiful. We ARE enough just being us. We don’t have to have some big extravagant job or be financially rich or have some busy, glamorous life to be RICH, happy, and so in love with life itself.

“But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
some lovin’,
and TV, yeah.
And that’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
well that’s enough for me.”

“What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, sweetheart
that’s just enough for me.”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6ur55juZ4Og

3.) The Chain of Love – Clay Walker

Not a romantic love song but a love song just the same. About reaching out in love to those in need whether or not we know them. Strangers are still people, still someone. At one point, we will all be in need of a helping hand and we should all keep that chain of love going.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mVQGQ0wh7eY

“You don’t owe me a thing,
I’ve been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I’m helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here’s what you do
Don’t let the chain of love end with you”

4.) Happy Girl – Martina McBride 

This is a lovely song about a girl who used to be frequently miserable and in a constant state of hopelessness. She walked through life with a heavy heart. Then one day she realized it doesn’t have to be this way. She can be happy. Life can be good. Great.   Beautiful. Amazing. She realized that complaining wasn’t changing the world for the better. So she chose to change for the better. She let’s herself be sad, be happy, feel whatever she feels but she is generally a HAPPY girl now! I love it. I can relate so much to this song! It’s like it was written about me. I was that depressed, sad, lonely, hopeless girl for so long until I chose to change and be happy.

5.) Come Monday – Jimmy Buffett 

I read that one day many years ago Jimmy Buffett was in a hotel room, on tour, I think, and he was in despair and contemplating suicide. But instead of killing himself, he wrote this and it saved his life. I’m so grateful that his life was spared. This is actually a positive song about Monday! About how there’s something to look forward to even when we’re suffering emotionally, in immense pain. When Monday comes, it will all be alright. 

 
“Come Monday, it’ll be all right
Come Monday, I’ll be holdin’ you tight
I spent four lonely days in a brown L. A. haze
And I just want you back by my side

I can’t help it honey
You’re that much a part of me now
Remember that night in Montana
When we said there’d be no room for doubt

I hope you’re enjoyin’ the scenery
I know that it’s pretty up there
We can go hikin’ on Tuesday
With you I’d walk anywhere
California has worn me quite thin
I just can’t wait to see you again”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?list=PLA3CF6E96E781FE63&v=1DnBwdBhS3c

6.) “If the World had a Front Porch” – Tracy Lawrence 

This lovely song is how we should treat everyone as if they’re our own family and friends. We should act lovingly with each other no matter what. It wouldn’t solve all our problems but we would all be friends. It’s reminiscent and nostalgic with the singer remembering how his family would sit on their front porch years ago and all just love each other. I love the warm loving feeling that wells up in me just thinking of this beautiful message.

“If the world had a front porch, like we did back then
We’d still have our problems, but we’d all be friends
Treatin’ your neighbor like he’s your next of kin
Wouldn’t be gone like the wind
If the world had a front porch, like we did back then”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y38h55EaHL0

7) You’re a movie. – Alice Cooper

This song is about having amazing self -confidence. Confidence enough to take on the world and give other people strength just by them being in our very presence.  

“Bullets repel off my medals
And my men are in awe when I speak
All chaos my strategies settles
My mere presence gives strength to the weak

For me it seems really alarming
I’m really just only a man
With five million sheep in this army
I seem to be the only one fit to command”

“Another day, another victory
Another gold stripe, another star
Really quite boring sometimes
I wish they’d send someone equal to my strategies

What a guy
I’m really quite a guy”

8.) Every woman has a name  – Alice Cooper

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mVQGQ0wh7eY

This is an amazing, beautiful, sweet, slow song with an incredible message. The message is that every woman is someone. Someone important. Someone with beauty, pain, struggles, a life. No matter how rich or not, no matter what her job or life situation is like. A waitress, a queen or debutante, a Housewife, a girl with a broken heart and struggles. It doesn’t matter, every woman is lovely.

“And even when your world was shakin’
Even when your breath was taken
Even when your blue eyes turned to gray

Small town debutantes and queens
Every woman has a name
Cocktail waitresses with dreams
Every woman has a name
And every girl whose love survives
A broken heart to stay alive
You signed your picture in the frame
Every woman has a name

You had your love affair
Some were perfect but most of them were pain
Seems a hundred years ago
It took you to the highest hill
Left you standing frozen in the rain
But you still feel the afterglow”

9.) 5:00 somewhere -Jimmy Buffett & Alan Jackson 

This song is just really funny and uplifting. He’s stuck at work on a slow summer day and his boss is being an asshole and he decides that even though it’s only the early afternoon he’s getting out since somewhere it is 5:00! Lol

“Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
He don’t care
And I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: What time zone am I on?
What country am I in?

Alan: It doesn’t matter

It’s five o’clock somewhere”

10.) Help Me to Heal – Olivia Newton John

Olivia Newton John was tragically afflicted with breast cancer but she survived! And with an amazing attitude!   She chose gratitude. And she wrote and sang songs to help her heal and stay strong. I am so so thankful for her stunning, beautiful songs of hope and healing. To me, they are so delicate but so strong and just like they help her, they help me heal. Since I have depression which comes and goes, it can be difficult to choose gratitude when depression overwhelms me. I don’t like feeling depressed but when I’m depressed, I’m often tempted to just let it consume me. It takes strength and motivation, and so much energy to battle it and not let it really suck me in like a vacuum like it used to, where I would be suicidal and just hopeless for months year after year. I still have severe episodes but I now more often than not remain hopeful without serious suicidal thoughts/urges/contemplation. I can cope so much better when I’m hit with an episode.

“I know I’ll find the strength to fight
If I can trust I’m gonna be alright
So walk me through my darkest fears tonight”

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4jfDm3RKXWc

11.) Learn to love yourself – Olivia Newton John

This song is so beautiful about loving yourself. Self-love is very important and it’s not about conceit or arrogance. It’s about being full and compassionate and loving. Self-love is so healing. No matter how many people love you, you won’t truly be fulfilled, probably, until you truly love you. Other people’s love for you is definitely healing to a certain degree but it’s not enough. Your self love is enough.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CUO4-y-z-Gg

“Youre hurting, uncertain
Alone again
Still searching for someone
But so afraid

And youll try for love
And youll cry for love
Til you learn to love yourself
And youll lie for love
And youll die for love
Til you learn to love yourself..

The answer is sleeping
Inside your heart
True love that you long for
Thats where it starts”

“Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn til you learn to love yourself
Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn til you learn to love yourself”

12.) grace and gratitude – Olivia Newton John

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VMCrHv81kgg

“Thank you for life
Thank you for everything
I stand here in Grace and Gratitude
And I thank you …

Seasons come and seasons go
No matter what we choose
A thousand names
A thousand roads
All lead to one simple truth

Thank you for life
Thank you for everything
I stand here in grace and gratitude
And I .. I thank you”

Gratitude is crucial for healing and happiness. It doesn’t cure all problems and doesn’t always take away all pain but it does ease some pain, help us cope, and be happier in general. It shall become a way of life, not just a fleeting attitude. There are different degrees of it. You can be thankful for something you know is a blessing or you can feel it deep into the marrow of your bones, tingling in every bodily cell, Dwelling in your essence. With practice and meditation this can become a frequent reality and help us cope tremendously with anything, loneliness, grief, loss, 
depression, physical pain, anything.

It doesn’t matter what you believe or not, you can believe in a god and thank it or just give thanks to the universe, the world, life.

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13.) Life’s a dance- 
JOHN MICHAEL MONTGOMERY

This is a song about just accepting life as it is. Going with the flow, good, bad, painful, beautiful. We learn as we go along. We can’t force life to always be a certain way and always go smoothly so let’s take it as it comes our way. Not just be passive and accept bad things that can be changed.   But accept that life can’t always be controlled.

“Life’s a dance, you learn as you go.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don’t worry ’bout what you don’t know,
life’s a dance, you learn as you go.”

14.) King of wishful thinking – Go West

This song. It’s a breakup song.   A sad one. But it managed to make my inspirational song list! Why?!?! First of all, the tune. It’s uplifting. It’s not sad, dreary, mellow, heartbreakingly devastating. It’s pumped up.  But also the lyrics. As the title of the song shows us, it’s not about positive thinking exactly but wishful thinking. There is a slight difference.   He’s denying his pain over his lost love. I typically do not promote denying our pain. But sometimes, on rare occasions we may just have to fake it til we make it.

“I refuse to give into my blues, that’s not how it’s going to be.”

“I’ll get over you, I know I will. I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking.” 

Yeah, There’s definitely something positive about this! 

15.) If you’re going through hell – Rodney Atkins

This song is very encouraging! It reminds us to keep going no matter how low we feel. Things get bad. So bad that they just can’t get any worse….but then…they DO get worse! Then we learn the truth that we just keep going!

“Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there”

16.) I’m alive – Willie Nelson 

This is a fantastic song about being thankful for simply being alive.

“It’s so damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me, I’d like to thank my lucky stars
That I’m alive and well.

And it’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
You were on, on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive

And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathing in and out’s a blessing, can’t you see?
Today is the first day of the rest of my life”

17.) When the going gets tough – Billy Ocean

“I got something to tell you
I got something to say
I’m gonna put this dream in motion
Never let nothing stand in my way
When the going gets touch
The tough get going

18.) I hope you dance – LeeAnn Womack

This song reminds me to keep going.   It’s about cherishing every single moment we’re blessed to be alive, never taking one breath for granted.

My absolute favorite line is “When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider.”
It’s a sweet song.

“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.”

19.) Something worth leaving behind – LeeAnn Womack 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqTT59h9aLg&list=PLfqg3Gb_txbQjUvGzl9Qcl6rJKsDDUGX-

This is a beautiful song about how we don’t have to be famous or have some impressive skills or talents to impact someone’s life in a positive way and to be remembered. All we have to do is love. It’s simple but profound.  

20.) Choices – George Jones 

This song is about a somewhat controversial topic, the fact that we do have choices in life and much of where we are is because of choices we made. Even the choice to do nothing is still a choice.   We can’t always choose what happens to us or what other people do. But we can choose how to react, to overcome pain and obstacles, to heal, and to move forward.

” I’ve had choices since the day that I was born
There were voices that told me right from wrong
If I had listened, no I wouldn’t be here today
Living and dying with the choices I’ve made

I guess I’m payin’ for the things that I have done
If I could go back, oh, Lord knows I’d run
But I’m still losin’ this game of life I play
Losing and dying with the choices I’ve made”

Here is a great quote along similar lines:

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand you aredealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.” – Jawaharlal Nehru 

21.) The Gambler – Kenny Rogers

This song is of a similar concept. It’s not really about gambling but knowing how to get along in life. It’s about learning how to choose our attitude and what to keep in life and what not to keep. Every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser. This means that every life no matter what can be viewed as good or as bad. It’s all how we look at it. This message inspires me deeply.  

“Now every gambler knows the secret to survivin’
Is knowin’ what to throw away
And knowin’ what to keep
‘Cause every hand’s a winner
And every hand’s a loser”

22.) Every storm runs out of rain – Gary Allan 

This song is so very comforting. It reminds us that pain heals and we can move forward. Pain and heartache comes and goes and may never go away completely but it can heal and doesn’t always have to be overwhelming and raw.

“Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain.”

23.) She’s got a way- Billy Joel

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p0iOEOtSyB0

I love this sweet song!   About a girl with love and beauty that can touch people’s lives and inspire greatness in the people she comes across.  

“…I don’t know what it is
But there doesn’t have to be a reason anyway 

She’s got a smile that heals me
I don’t know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She’s got a way of talkin’
I don’t know why it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin’ anywhere

She comes to me when I’m feelin’ down
Inspires me without a sound 
She touches me and I get turned around 

She’s got a way of showin’
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin’
She’s got a light around her
And ev’rywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her ev’rywhere”

I just melt.

24.) Raindrops keep falling – BJ Thomas

I love this song! It’s about how even when things seem wrong we can still have hope to keep going knowing that eventually happiness will eventually fill our hearts again.

“Those raindrops are fallin’
On my head, they keep fallin’

But there’s one thing I know
The blues they send
To meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till
Happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean
My eyes will soon be turnin’ red

Cryin’s not for me ’cause
I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
Because I’m free, nothin’s worryin’ me”

25.) Eye of the tiger – Survivor 

Some people think this song is too pumped and needs a good toning down. But not me! That vigor is perfect.   I love how pumped it is! It’s perfect with the lyrics and message. A song about doing whatever it takes to survive and keep those dreams alive.

“Risin’ up straight to the top 
Had the guts, got the glory 
Went the distance, now I’m not gonna stop 
Just a man and his will to survive “

I love it!

😀

26.) Livin’ In The Sunlight, Lovin’ In The Moonlight – Tiny T

I don’t worry!
Worrying don’t agree,
Things that bother you,
Never bother me!

Things that bother you,
Never bother me
I feel happy and fine!
AHA!
Living in the sunlight,
Loving in the moonlight
Having a wonderful time!

Haven’t got a lot,
I don’t need a lot
Coffee’s only a dime
Living in the sunlight,
Loving in the moonlight,
Having a wonderful time!

I hope you have found some songs here that inspire you deeply and uplift you like they help me! I have so many more also but as you can see, the list is already long!

Much love & inspiration to you!

Xoxo Kim

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Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’ – One Year <3

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“What I am well that’s what I am.
I tell you, baby,
That’s just enough for me.”  ~ Alice Cooper

“I choose to fight back! I choose to rise, not fall! I choose to live, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also within you.” ~ (Mayor John Pappas, City Hall movie quote)

Hello, lovelies,

Here is something I can’t believe I’m writing today. I never thought I would live to see today.  
Never in my wildest dreams. I feel a tingling in my wrists.

Almost everyone who knows me knows of my super long battle with severe, suicidal depression. I have suffered with long term mild/moderate depression for much of my life with recurrent severe, despairing, debilitating  long episodes of depression and psychosis on top of that. Day after day, year after year.

My entire life has been consumed by severe, agonizing depression, in a vicious way. And I won’t sugar coat it or butter it up. I was suicidal almost every day for nearly fourteen years. I fantasized, obsessed, planned, contemplated, attempted…in various degrees ending my own life.  Some days I thought I wanted to die but really I just wanted to end the pain, not everything. But many days I did want to die. Not just to end the pain or to find solace but to end my life, everything, good & bad alike. Everything.   It wasn’t always relief I was longing for. Not a purpose I was searching for. Not changes or a better life. Just my own death. It was that bad.

Many days I even had great self esteem, I liked myself, loved myself even, had no problems, everything was beautiful.   But I wanted to be dead. I had no idea why. And when I would try to analyze myself to understand why, I would become even more suicidal. As I have mentioned, there are different degrees of feeling suicidal or thinking of it. It has chemical underpinnings and attitude/environment/circumstance can contribute to it. Sometimes it’s just purely chemical.

Telling people doesn’t faze me. When I’m currently dangerously suicidal I don’t tell people usually, out if fear of being put away.

But I will tell people about the vicious darkness that has consumed me. And I will tell people about Hope & Healing.

I’m not embarrassed by this disease and it’s not pretty but I won’t conceal it. I spent hours upon hours a day for many years just fantasizing about ending my life, I have come so close on many occasions when fear would stop me, fear that it wouldn’t work and I would just be sick, injured, or paralyzed…

I have experienced “black outs” where I would “come to” and find myself in the process of ending my life without realizing I was doing this at first or consciously knowing how I got there.

Some days I would be happy but still have hours of despair in the middle.

I was never able to go more than four months without being suicidal or thinking about it to some degree, mostly though, I couldn’t even go a few days without it.

I tried different things, various medications, dosages, therapists, psychiatrists, hospitalizations, self-help, personal development techniques…until I found the combination that works best for me. Not a cure but ways to heal & cope.

I am generally very happy now.  But I still struggle with the severe episodes.   Not as frequently or as long usually But they still occur. I still struggle with horrifying Psychotic breaks. 

But today is October 1st. My last serious/semi serious suicidal thought/urge was one year ago, October 2012. I cannot remember the exact day. But I know it was in October. Since then I have experienced excruciating episodes of despair, depression, psychosis but I kept hope alive. Knowing it will end and the sun will rise again. 

Medication helps keep me stabilized so I can work on myself in other ways to care for me. I can’t say I’m recovered and don’t know if I will ever be. But I learned to live with it and to cope. 

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I have been struggling for the last few days, feeling an episode coming on. I learned to usually detect impending episodes and be able to prevent a full blown one by monitoring and consciously changing my thinking and actions.

But it’s so hard. I keep feeling suicidal thoughts trying to emerge, not just brief, fleeting ones, but ones that I will begin to entertain and dwell on. Over a year ago they would have taken over by now. But somehow now I am managing keeping them at bay.

 I know some of my triggers but it’s not always triggered by something necessarily, sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.

Last night while I laid it bed, I wanted to let it just have me, have its way with me and succumb to depression and those suicidal thoughts trying to creep into me. It takes energy and motivation that I just don’t always have or feel like working on. Sometimes I don’t even want to.

This is more than just a low mood but it’s not a full blown episode.   I still haven’t had one of those suicidal thoughts.   Something keeps me going. I keep feeling so hopeful then hopeless then hopeful then hopeless. Then hopeful again. 

I keep telling myself after all this, I won’t let myself succumb.   One year is a big accomplishment for me. Those thoughts and urges were so much an integral part of me for well over a decade that it’s incredible to think I finally lived a year without them.  And because of work I did for myself.  This thing has symptoms that must be managed just like other illnesses. It flares up every now & then. It comes & goes. It’s more bullshit than I could have ever wanted to put up with. I’m sorry. {not sorry}.  

Ever since I was a young girl I kept wishing over and over and over (on the rare occasions I wasn’t wanting to be dead) that I could go one year without those suicidal thoughts & urges but I never saw it happening. Until now. Yup, mind=blown. Lol

Depression, psychosis, suicide contemplation are traumatic. All of it. Even recovery or remission is traumatic. It’s weird.   It’s beautiful. It’s freaky.   It’s unfathomable.  Not having those thoughts day in and day out.

And I never get used to it. Every second of every day, almost, I realize how amazing it is to not only be alive but to actually want to be alive.   To be happy in general. To have a strong will and desire to live.

I am overwhelmed.   When I’m in immense physical pain or sickness and it goes away, I have this amazing feeling, a conscious awareness of not being sick or in pain.   But after a while I usually go back to no longer being aware of it, consciously. I get used to it again.

But not this.

This, this never gets old. Not being in an almost constant state of depression, not having thoughts and urges to kill myself everyday all throughout the day, it never gets old. Even after a year, I am almost always conscious of it.

So much zest. So much life. So much passion.

I still get depressed.   I get angry, sad, unhappy. I can be ungrateful and bitchy some occasions.   But in general, I am the happiest girl in the whole USA! Lol ;-D

As I sit here writing this, I feel so many emotions swirling through me. I feel pain, sorrow, and grief, love, gratitude, happiness, confusion, loneliness, elation, heartbreak, and hope. So much hope.

Sometimes when I think back to all my days of horrifying despair & depression & psychosis and I see where I am now, I feel inspired. I see how much I have evolved, I see my growth & all my lessons learned. I have come a long, long way.  But other occasions, thinking back to those days of agony when my depression was so ingrained into me and threaded throughout all my life, I feel drained, horrified at the mere memories. Now I feel a mixture of all those things.

Pain is real.   But so is hope.

I want anyone who is feeling hopeless about anything at all whether it’s something seemingly serious or something which seems trivial to know that thoughts and feelings and perspectives change.  It may take work and it may not change right this second but you won’t be sad forever. Hold on, you got this. 

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Look where I was & look where I am. Look at me now! 😀

“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Go on, take chances. Live. Love. Maybe loving will be a mistake and you will be crushed, abandoned, rejected, ignored, devastated, not loved back…but love anyway. Live anyway. 

Love doesn’t ask for changes, it doesn’t ask for favors or to be loved back, love doesn’t demand someone to think or feel or act a certain way. Love simply loves.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. ” ~ Norman Vincent Peale. 

“I am 99.9% sure it will never get better. But it’s the 0.1% that keeps me going. ” ~ Unknown

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

“If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane” ~ Jimmy Buffett

“Come Monday, it’ll be alright.” ~ Jimmy Buffett. (Jimmy Buffett mentioned that he wrote this song in a C.A. Hotel room when he was suicidal and it saved his life.& I am so thankful. ❤ .)

For all those who don’t feel as old as they are and never will

I rounded first never thought of the worst
As I studied the shortstops position
Crack went my leg like the shell of an egg
Someone call a decent physician
Im no pete rose, I can’t pretend
Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones don’t bend

Im growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead” ~Jimmy Buffett 

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Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

I could pay off my tab
Pour myself in a cab and be back to work before 2
At a moment like this, I can’t help but wonder
What would Jimmy Buffett do?

Jimmy Buffett spoken:
Funny you should ask, Alan
I’d say
Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care

Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
He don’t care
And I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: What time zone am I on?
What country am I in?

Alan: It doesn’t matter

It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: It’s always on five in Margaritaville, come to think of it

Alan: I heard that

Jimmy: You’ve been there haven’t you?

Alan: Yes, Sir

Jimmy: I’ve seen your boat there

Alan: I’ve been to Margaritaville a few times

Jimmy: All right.
That’s good

Alan: Stumbled my way back

Jimmy: OK Just want to make sure you can keep it between the
navigational beacons

Alan: Between the buoys.
I got it

Jimmy: All right.

It’s five o’clock.
Let’s go somewhere

Alan: I’m ready.
Crank it up

Jimmy: Let’s get out of here

Alan: I’m gone” ~ Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett

This song never fails to uplift me.
And this one:

Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

I’ve been deep down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different deamons breathin’ fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled I’d fall right into the trap
That they were layin’

But the good news is there’s angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin’ out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one’s that you’ve been draggin’ for so long
You’re on your knees might as well be prayin’
Guess what I’m sayin’

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going” Rodney Atkins 

“I may be lonely but I’m never alone.” ~ Alice Cooper

” I fearlssly walk into battle
With a shine on my boots and my teeth
Never flinch, never blink, never rattle
My blood is like ice underneath

Oh, I’m the reincarnation of patten
And I’ve got Hannibal’s heart in my chest
God told me I would have rivaled
Alexander the great at his best.” ~ Alice Cooper


But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
Some lovin’,
And TV, yeah.
And that’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
Well that’s enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper

Good day to you all.
P.s. This auto correct on my phone is more insane than I am, constantly changing words to weird things, even changing words to completely different words & bizarre symbols out of nowhere and spelling correct words incorrectly. Luckily I usually catch it before hitting send but occasionally I don’t and am embarrassed if I am writing to someone I don’t know well. The worst is when it changes a word to a different version. It changes “their” to “they’re” so embarrassing! Lol. It recently changed “unfazed” to “phased”! Seriously?! Shit’s off the walls! Thanks auto correct! Thanks a lot, I just love being mortified! It wrote this one day “jesus_20267475.html”. I saved it to show people. Lol I wrote some ordinary word and auto correct deleted it and wrote that thing! Whhhaatt?! Yup, my phone has lost its marbles! I guess we’re made for each other.

 ;-D. Remember, when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

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Blue skies ahead.

Hope lives here.

Gratitude & Pain <3

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I am struggling today with a severe tmjd flare up. Tmjd is my chronic, currently incurable facial pain disorder. I have pain which is mild to moderate to unbearably severe and beyond.

There’s really no effective treatments other than home remedies.   My current flare up is bad but not as bad as it sometimes is. It’s moderate bordering on severe. But not yet to the point when I would scream at the top of my lungs for hours through the night.

I woke up while it was still dark out in excruciating pain.   So what better circumstance to write a gratitude list?!

I want to strengthen my habit of associating my pain with gratitude & joy. It hurts. So bad. So I will think of & list & dwell on all of my wonderful blessings.

1.) beautiful uplifting quotes

2.) I have friends & family & people I know.

3.) hope

4.) I have a job

5.) my beautiful senses & body & ability

6.) this blog

7.) this Fall – like evening
8.) Pumpkin Spice coffee
9.) lovely music
10.) adorable animals

11.) my positive attitude

12.) my ability to feel pain

13.) The fact that I am loving & ccompassionate for people whether I know them or not

14.) The fact that I filled out an application recently for job/training for peer specialist /counseling

15.) The stars & moon above me.


So here is my brief list. There’s so much more I couldn’t possibly list it all.

I’m too blessed to be able to list all my blessings. Lol. ;-D

I hope you, too, are feeling blessed. My heart goes out to all of you struggling with chronic pain and/or sickness. My heart breaks to think of it and how so many people have pain worse than and more frequent than mine. I wish I could take it away.

Much love & healing to you. May we find strength, hope, healing, & comfort in our pain & darkness.

Xox0 Kim

P.s. Always remember, “When you’re going through Hell, keep on going….”

“Ordinary” people who inspire me <3

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There’s a lot of inspirational people in this world who most of us know about: celebrities, authors, politicians, world leaders, other famous or well known people. Ones who people tend to think of as extraordinary. 

But then there’s the other people.   The ones who aren’t famous. They’re not known in the media or around the world. Maybe they’re your friends.   Your family members. Your coworker or neighbor. Someone you met at a bus stop. A teacher you had in school one year, a professor in college.   A random stranger on the street or a salesperson at a store, a customer at a place you work.

All the “little” things they do may not reach as many people, maybe the impact of them doesn’t reach people at the same magnitude as the people frequently publicized in the media. But their actions, words, kindness, compassion, & love are no less extraordinary to the lives they touch & warm.

Inspirational people are everywhere. 

I decided to create a list of some people who have at one point inspired me somehow. Some of them I know personally. Others I have only encountered once in all my days. But all of their lives have touched mine, somehow, for the better.

1.) The man who stopped his car to ask another man, a random stranger, if he needed help with the ladder he was putting up. “Yo, buddy, you need help with that?” he asked. And it warmed me to see such random kindness extended to a stranger. 

2.) The man who noticed I was lost one day and offered me help without me asking.   I was lost in Center City Philadelphia a few years ago. I was confused and had no idea where to go or who to ask for help.   I walked along the crowded, busy streets and must have appeared to be lost & confused. A man I have never seen before approached me with a warm smile & genuine concern, asking me if I need help. I told him yes, I can’t seem to find what bus I need to get home. He asked me where I was going and showed me where to go. He helped me find my way back home. 

3.) The group of little girls who blessed me with kindness which was more than necessary. I was working at the store one night and a group of young girls came for ice cream. They were no older than 13 years old. They all sat on the bench after paying, to eat their ice cream. They were all wearing girls soccer uniforms. After they ate their ice cream they came back to the window and looked at me smiling and whispering to each other.   I suspected that they were doing this in the way girls do when they are being malicious.   Girls of all ages do this. They can be 8 years, 13 years, 25 years, 40 years, 60 years or older and they will stare, whisper, smirk, gossip, about other girls. Not all girls do this but many do.   I wasn’t sure but I thought maybe these girls were doing this. But they were not. They each pulled out money, put it together and handed it to me, “This is a tip for you, thank you” and they smiled at me warmly and walked away. I was and still am so touched by their kindness and generosity.

4.) Diane, the lady who brags about me as if I am her own daughter. I have known her for about 7 years, I met her at work. She has a few sons who are close to the same age as me. She loves to introduce me to new people , loves to tell them how sweet I am, how friendly & loving, and all about my education and interests. If you listened to her,you would think I’m her own daughter the way she’s so proud and so ready to show me off to people. 

5.) Brian, my next door neighbor who loves to help stray animals. He is so dedicated to helping homeless cats. He takes them in during storms, feeds them on his steps even though other neighbors get angry saying he attracts them.   He goes on doing what he loves, helping animals in need. He places bowls of food near a lot on the street for a mommy kat & her kitties. He comes out at all hours of the night checking on them. He is very friendly & kind.

6.) The stranger who I told everything to in the rain one day under his umbrella at the bus stop. It was after my therapist appointment one day. It was raining hard. It was beautiful. I was waiting for the bus. He stood next to me and put his umbrella over me. He wasn’t coming on to me, wasn’t trying to hook up, wasn’t being a creep or trying to take advantage.   He just wanted to help me not get soaked and was genuinely interested in my story. He asked if I live around there I said no. He asked if I work near there.   I said no. I told him I go there for therapy.   He was interested in why. I told him I have severe depression. He couldn’t relate much but told me his sister can. He asked what it’s like for me. I told him. I expected him to turn away at first, to give me a weird look, a scared look, which some strangers have done when I told them. But he looked at me in no such way. He was kind, compassionate, empathetic, interested, friendly.   And he told me about his life & his sister.   It was perfect.

7.) The lady who came to my work to buy ice cream and bought a homeless man everything he wanted. He was so grateful, she was genuinely concerned. I bought him a soda.   He was so moved. He cried. Said he never experienced such warmth & kindness.

8.) The little girl who came to the store where I work to buy something. She started to walk away then turned back and said “I just want to tell you, you look beautiful tonight.”
 

9.) The doctors & nurses in the hospital I was in when I was 21 years old and had to get emergency surgery for my kidney. They were so kind, warm, caring, compassionate, & genuinely concerned. I have never been so sick and in so much pain before then. My heroes.

10.) The very patient & helpful Philadelphia detective when I had to try to identify someone who held a gun to my chest and no one in the pictures were that man. Another detective was inpatient, fed up, angry, and bitter with me, for not knowing enough info. Which I understand with all the stressful, heroic work he does day in & day out. But this other man, he was warm & told me how helpful I was and how good I did even though I wasn’t very helpful.

11.) The psychiatric technician I met during one of my hospitalizations for depression. Very caring, compassionate, uplifting, empathetic, unlike many other of the staff members. He cared about us truly. He told us about his own struggle with addiction, how he was hopeless at one point and turned his life around and now helps people who are in a dark place where he once was. He told us we all have an inner sun and to let it shine through, to take good care of ourselves, how deserving we are of love, how capable we are of turning our own lives around. He told us about the “Gambler” song sung by Kenny Rogers and how inspiring it is about life in general, which I already knew but love more now.

This is just a brief list. I have many more inspiring memories/people as well. And not only positive / happy people and things can be inspirational.   Tears, heartbreak, struggles, pain, illness, setbacks…can all inspire us and strengthen us.

Who are the “ordinary” people in your everyday who inspire you? I encourage you to frequently make mental notes, and even lists on paper or electronic lists. One seemingly small act of kindness can be so big to the person’s whose life it touches. 

You may be touching other people’s lives for the better everyday without even knowing!

You can inspire people in person & through your writing or drawing or singing.

I believe we should appreciate all of the people and the simple things they do and the way they inspire us everyday and I believe we should be the kind of person who inspires others.

Much love, laughter, life, inspiration, & healing to you all.

Thank You, Earthbound angels. Thank You mortal goddesses & gods.

Xox0 Kim

😀

Thank You <3

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Thank You so so much to my new followers & the old ones too. And the people who liked and commented on my posts. Words really can’t express my true gratitude & appreciation. <3. I love knowing that people have read & like my content & blog!!! :-D. I appreciate every one of you and your encouragement & kindness!! 😀