Tag Archive | unconditional love

Fun in the sun🌞😍

Fun day in the park recently with this sweet girl!!😍❤ She loves rolling around in grass, snow, sand, and whatever else is fun to roll in!😂🤣 Isn’t she just the cutest?! I love her!!!❤ She is so adorable & funny & loving. And very youthful like a lil pup!🐶🐕

I’m her nanny but I love her like my own!💜

Dogs are the best!!

I hope this adorable, short video brings a little bit of sunshine to your day!🌞

Much love & light, always!

Xoxo Kim 💛

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Morning stroll with my baby❤

This is my best friend & me on our morning walk yesterday! She is the sweetest girl! I love her to pieces! She is so deeply loving and so full of life. She loves to lounge around for snuggles and also loves to run around and play! She has a toybox full of toys and looks through it to see which toy looks good to play with at the moment. Too cute for words!

A lot of people are scared of her because she’s a big girl and very expressive and not social with humans or other dogs in general. She’s not a universal lover & only loves certain people. But once we have her heart, her love is boundless. I can just feel the love all around her when I’m with her. ❤ She has the best loving furever home and the best mommies who love her completely. She’s a spoiled lil Princess!

I love her more than I love this life itself! She’s not mine but I love her just the same. I take care of her for her mommies while they’re at work and sometimes we have fun sleepovers together!💜 She’s my heart & soul!

She loves barking/jumping at the furballs across the street and I was telling her “no doggies.” Lol And like I mentioned on Instagram when I shared the video, I’m not six years old; I just sound like I am. Lol

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim💜

My beautiful snow angel❄⛄⛇☃💜

My lil baby, Anishy!!She looovveess snow & cold weather(like me!☃)! I take care of Anish most days when her mommies are at work & sometimes we even get to have sleepovers when they’re away overnight. Anish loves me & I love Anish like my own. She’s one of my very best friends and one of my furry soulmates. One of my greatest loves.❤💙💚💛💜💟

She is extremely loving (but only loves certain people; she’s not a universal lover) and very playful & youthful like a lil puppy! We have so much fun together! She’s the sweetest little girl and so funny! She is a border collie mix and super intelligent. She is a very passionate girl with very strong emotions and is very opinionated.

This is her today in our mini snowstorm and loving every second of it! I hope she brightens your day like she brightens ours everyday! ❤

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Father Figure

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“If you are the desert
I’ll be the sea
If you ever hunger –
Hunger for me
Whatever you ask for
That’s what I’ll be. .”

Ever hear this song? I listened to it often when I was young. But I never truly listened. I liked the music and the voices singing and the feeling of mystery to it. I still do! I occasionally wondered what it’s about but those thoughts were very fleeting. Then I haven’t heard it for years probably, just once in a blue moon.

Recently I read the lyrics and found that at first they may seem deeply disturbing to someone not truly paying attention or not in tune with the wisdom within. It seems, on the surface, as if an adult man is singing to a child about wanting to be naked at his/her side and wanting to be this young person’s “daddy.”

Or like he’s in love with an adult but thinks of him/her as a child. (eww)

Who wants to lay naked next to your dad?! (Or who wants to think of your man as your daddy? [eww lol])

Unless maybe the person is a baby and like laying on the sofa or bed with the dad. Some babies/toddlers do rip their clothes off and run around in front of people, I used to! Lol

But even then I don’t think the dad usually says or thinks “I want you naked at my side.”

But this song seems to have a sexual overtone, not an innocent song a daddy sings to his child.
And not like a regular romantic love song where the singer acknowledges his lover is an adult.

(I never completely understood why some men like their lovers to call them “daddy.” lol But whatever floats your boat as long as they’re all consenting adults!)

But I felt, while reading the lyrics that this message runs so, so much deeper than the sexual or romantic or pedophile song it may seem at first glance.

I felt it before I knew it intellectually. I felt with my intuition and my deep wisdom before I truly read the words.

“That’s all you wanted
Something special, someone sacred –
In your life”

He may or may not be singing to a (romantic) lover. He does mention a lover but “lover” doesn’t always have to be romantic necessarily although the word is usually reserved for a romantic sense. And the person probably isn’t a child. A lover in the most basic sense of the word is just one who loves. “A lover of life” for example.

“If we have faith in each other
Then we can be
Strong”

What I think he’s saying is, he wants to be wise and strong and help someone else who may be in need. He has a hunger for being just what someone else needs. He has a relentless need to BE for someone else.

And I think that’s beautiful.

A father is often a person a child looks up to and can trust to guide him/her in this life. Our father is (or is supposed to be) someone whose love and wisdom can help us see through the turmoil and pain and negativity in life. We look up to him to protect us and lead us, to show us the way. But we don’t have to be a child to look up to a person like this and the person doesn’t have to be our father. This person can be a friend, a lover, a teacher, a religious person, a man or a woman,….anyone who has realized deep wisdom, deep love, and a strong desire to help others.

A father’s love is (supposed to be) unconditional.

“I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher
Anything you have in mind
I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
I will be the one who toves you
Until the end of time”

The person in this song he is singing to may not be an actual child but childlike. Innocent and full of wonder. A person who is in a state for whatever reason, where s/he needs to be protected or needs someone to look up to. All of us are in a position or can be in a position where we are helpless and can be taken advantage of. There will always be someone bigger and stronger and with more power. We will almost all probably at some point need some kind of help or need answers whether it’s a serious situation like a medical condition, a mental health issue, or just needing directions while driving or how to fix something or a recommendation or help finding something. And most of us have power or an advantage over someone, whether physical, financial, emotional….all of us can hurt or help heal, protect or potentially need to be protected.
We will some occasions be in a position to help another in need. And sometimes we’ll be in a position to accept someone else’s help.

The singer (whether for real or just in the song) wants to protect this person and be his/her light, his/her guide, the one s/he can always trust and look up to.

The “child” in the song is symbolic of innocence and vulnerability.

And the “father” is symbolic of fierce, unconditional love & boundless wisdom.

“Naked” doesn’t mean physically naked, the body stripped of clothing. It is a metaphor for the baring of the soul, stripping the self of everything, of all barriers and fears, and insecurities, and allowing someone else to see through to the light and love and wisdom within. And allowing someone to see the flaws, the mistakes, the fears….Strip all the layers of wariness and anxiety and fear and embarrassment and let the true naked self be seen.

It’s actually a very beautiful song and message.

Well, this is my interpretation but someone else may have a different one.

“So when you remember the ones who have lied
Who said that they cared
But then laughed as you cried
Beautiful darling
Don’t think of me”

We can be this to someone else and also have someone else be this to us. We can all take and give, be strong some moments and allow someone else to be our strength at other moments, we can have eyes wide with wonder and innocence, blue with youth, we can break and need, and also be full of deep wisdom, have a soul so old with deep understanding and wrinkled with experience, and a thirst to provide and help and be someone’s strength and source of love.

“Because all I ever wanted
It’s in your eyes baby, baby…”

I hope we will all take advantage of whatever position we are in at each moment. Take advantage in a positive way. If we are feeling strong and wise, let’s reach out to someone not yet so strong, not in this moment in touch with the wisdom within the person, and help that person, guide that person to discover her/his wisdom, if we are feeling weak and in need, let’s reach out for help in whatever form we need it or allow someone who wants to help us, to provide what we need. It’s good to be strong and ok to be weak. It’s good to help and ask for help. It’s beautiful to give and sometimes necessary and good to take what is offered.

We can all be the child & the father.

Father Figure – George Michael – mobile

Father Figure – desktop

Much love to you! 😀

Xoxo Kim ❤

Love is not blind <3

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I recently read an absolutely AMAZING fiction book. And I don’t use the word “amazing” loosely. I am not someone who uses “amazing” and “awesome” very casually in place of the word “cool” or something. 

To me, the word “awesome” especially, and the word “amazing” are words to generally be reserved for something or someone who inspires literal awe or wonder.  But I’m not a “political correctness” control freak either, whatever floats your boat! 

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Anyway, the book is incredible and has fantastic reviews. I got it at no cost on Amazon Kindle app for BlackBerryz10. It’s called “After the Cure” by Deirdre (I love the name!) Gould and takes place 8-10 years after an outbreak of a vicious and infectious disease that sweeps across the world taking out most people. It’s extremely contagious and there’s no escaping it. A few people in the world are Immune because of their genetic makeup which happens to be able to resist the Plague.  And so they don’t contract the Illness. But they still suffer greatly.  

This disease turns people into cannibals. They become violent and vicious and eat anyone they can get their hands on. They uncontrollably devour their friends, family, strangers, animals….but it’s not their fault as their brains are ravaged by disease. 

But the novel isn’t really about the Infection itself; it’s about the psychological damage almost every person who survives, which isn’t many, is faced with after the disease is cured. Somehow a Cure is found and the “zombie-like” people get better but they remember everything they did. They remember viciously attacking, killing, and eating everyone they came in contact with.
They remember what they felt, what they heard, smelled, and tasted as they uncontrollably attacked innocent people and animals.
And now many of them feel like monsters and are accused by many of the Immune as being monsters.

They are overwhelmed in guilt. They are good people who just got sick. Many of them die by suicide. And many of the Immune people die by suicide because they also are guilt-ridden and lost almost everyone they know to the Infected killing them. They had to kill many of the Infected people who tried eating them. Then after the Cure was found, they felt guilty that they killed innocent, sick people who could have healed, even though it was to save their own lives and the lives of others. 

It’s also a story about segregation (segregation based on health status) and how many Immune people are prejudiced against the Cured who were once Infected. They think of them as “zombies” and monsters and repulsive because they once ate humans. They aren’t zombies though. They never died and just like anyone, can be easily killed in any way. And once they are dead, they can’t come back. It’s kind of like a zombie thriller but more realistic. Realistic because, they are just people with an Infection which causes their brains to change, not people who died and came back and can only be killed a certain way.

 They even have separate neighborhoods for the Immune and the Cured.

Immune people are supposed to register with the government as Immune and only marry another Immune person and Cured are only supposed to marry other Cured and eventually die out. The government doesn’t want their dna to keep going since it’s not resistant to the Infection.  

They aren’t supposed to mix.

The book takes place after most people are Cured, not during the Outbreak. There aren’t many people left in the world, even ten years later and the government is trying to force everyone to have kids. 

As I said, it’s not really a thriller in a zombie attack way, it’s more about the psychological effects on the people. But there is a big mystery throughout the book that Mr. Frank Courtlen, a lawyer, and Dr. Nella Rider, a psychiatrist, are determined to solve because many lives depend on it. 

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There won’t be any really big spoilers here, most of this info you will know by reading the description of the book or find out in the beginning of the book. But if you would prefer to not know without reading, click it off now! 

;-D

It’s entertaining and thrilling, a kind of mystery, but it also has a deeper message about compassion, understanding, and true, unconditional love and acceptance as well as hope. I believe the underlying message can apply to our real life situations.  

Some people are afraid to confess to others what they did while they were Sick or what they did to survive if they were Immune. They are afraid people will no longer like them and will reject or think less of them. 

The two main characters are Mr. Courtlen, the defense attorney for a doctor in trouble for something involving the Disease and Dr. Rider, the psychiatrist who is to evaluate and check the defendants in a Trial over the Infection outbreak. She was also involved in helping Cure and care for the Sick during the initial Outbreak. 

They are both very loving and compassionate people who want nothing but the best for anyone and everyone and they risk their lives to do what they believe is right and to save the lives of others. They both have deep empathy and compassion even for those who many people would think do not deserve it.

 Dr. Rider is Immune but she’s completely compassionate and accepting of the Infected and Cured. She doesn’t see them as any different than herself. She never viewed them as zombies or monsters or repulsive, even when they tried to attack her. And she doesn’t support the discrimination and segregation. She accepts all people just as they are, no matter what whether it’s in relation to health or anything else. She believes that everyone belongs together. She’s my favorite character. 

She and the lawyer become very close and they both have dark, painful secrets or things they are hesitant to reveal to each other out of fear of losing the other’s respect and love. 

I wrote about this concept before, here on the blog. My opinion is that it’s best not to cover up parts of our true self just so people will like us or not dislike us. No matter how much we love those people or how afraid we are of losing them. 

Maybe some things people just want to keep to themselves and that’s ok. But it’s something else to conceal something just so we are liked or not negatively judged by others.  

I don’t want someone to like/love me just because there’s something that person doesn’t know about me where if s/he found out, s/he would no longer care for me. I would prefer people to know and reject me right then if it’s going to happen. 

This can be anything: religious or political views, certain choices we have made, opinions on anything, scars, flaws, mistakes, health issues….if someone doesn’t accept you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all that you will be, in my opinion it’s not real love and not worth it then. There’s always someone who will embrace all of the person even if that person doesn’t like or agree with some things. We can accept the good with the bad, the flaws with the perfections, maybe even see the beauty in those flaws. 

 If we take the chance and open up about various things we can and sometimes probably will be criticized or rejected in some way. I believe that it’s worth it. And for all the people who dislike us, there are so many who will love/like us. They can’t replace the ones who reject us but at least you know that someone out there in the world somewhere desires just what you have to give and all that you are. I’m not just referring to romantic love but also platonic. 

In my opinion it’s ok to care what people think of us, to be concerned and even afraid sometimes but without going overboard to the point we obsess over it frequently or change or pretend to be something we’re not. It’s not good to be like a zombie, completely unaffected by those around us but not good to be obsessed and anxious often, either. We can find a good balance of generally caring but not too much. 

And I think there are at least two ways to not want to offend people. One is because we feel awkward about confrontation or what they think of us, that they are judging us, the other is because we genuinely care about the person’s wellbeing and do not want to inflict/contribute to unpleasant emotions. I think the second one is better. It’s rooted in selfless compassion where the first is rooted in selfish fear or awkwardness.

I think sometimes for many people, when we get to know someone then find out things we don’t like, we will still want to be friends with that person where if we first saw the things we do not like, before getting to know the rest, we may not be as thrilled to be friends with the person. (Imagine someone rudely spewing obnoxious views the second you meet, you may not care to know more. But imagine meeting a funny, loving, passionate person you instantly love then later hearing those obnoxious views, you may be more likely to accept it even if you don’t like it. I think most of us have love and offense, beauty and ugliness, can be rude and also respectful…and it’s good to give people a chance.)
I know many people refuse to discuss controversial views or refuse to tell details about themselves that may not be accepted by others, because of fear of rejection, fear of no longer being liked by those who once or would have liked them if they did not know this about them.

But if people only like you because they do not know a certain thing about you, is it really a genuine relationship? Is it really authentic love or an authentic sense of liking? Is it really worth it? I really don’t think so. Or at least, in my opinion, it’s not a relationship worth keeping around by pretending to be something else or covering things up. Just because you don’t express your views or certain things about yourself doesn’t mean they aren’t here. 
Even if no one ever finds out, those things still exist about us. So why not just embrace it? It’s part of us whether we like it or not. It’s not going anywhere no matter how much we want it to. So who cares what “they” think or say about it or us?! 

Someone can be very likable to many people because they aren’t very open and people only see the surface but there’s more than that surface for all of us, and repressing, concealing, or lying doesn’t make it go away.  Those people who never ever discuss politics, for example, or reveal much about their life still have those views (unless they are truly politically apathetic but even then, they likely have some sort of views) and still have that life. They still have those “flaws.” 

I understand not discussing controversial views or details just to avoid trouble/arguments on some occasions or because it’s embarrassing to have people know certain things about us or because we genuinely do not want to offend a person right then because we care about the person’s happiness and not just because we feel afraid of confrontation or what they will say to us, that’s one thing. Or because something is painful or something we just don’t care to discuss. 

But intentionally covering up things about us or trying to change certain things just because people may no longer be our friends either in person or on social media accounts or because people may not like or respect us as much, is, in my opinion, not good. I prefer people to reject me if they are going to because at least it’s genuine. I have lost Facebook friends and the love of some people in person merely because of my views on some things. Not always even because of my attitude about it, I did not always have an unpleasant attitude. I was just firm and assertive in my views. Which I will continue to be. 

I have also lost acquaintances online and off because I revealed my struggle with depression and suicidal thinking. I have had people look at me weird, look at me like I’m a freak. And men who were interested in me back off after they found out. This does not happen often. Most people seem understanding and accepting. But it’s not pleasant when it does happen. 

But I will continue to be open and honest.  

I used to see this as being true to myself but now even more importantly, I see it as being true to others. I genuinely don’t 
want people wasting their energy or time on me just because they think I’m something I’m not or don’t know something about me where if they found out, they would move on. 
Whether it’s on social media or in person.

I don’t want people to be rude and discriminatory and I think it’s great for us to be accepting but that doesn’t mean we have to surround ourselves with people we would rather not. I want people to mostly be surrounded by those they feel nourish, love, fuel, inspire them, people who are open and honest with them, not people who intentionally go out of their way to cover up stuff just not to lose “friends” which in my opinion isn’t true friendship.  We don’t all have to want to be friends with everyone. It’s ok to choose not to be friends with certain people. We can still be loving or positive about it and go our separate ways, wishing everyone the best. 

I’m not saying to just spill everything constantly in every situation and every occasion, ignoring boundaries, of course not, I’m talking about when it comes up in appropriate contexts or if we truly feel the urge to reveal something about ourselves.  Then I think it’s good to be open and honest and lose whoever I will. I will continue to love those people and wish them the best (if only in my head, I’m not going to keep contacting people who want nothing to do with me but I won’t have animosity for them either.).

Also if we change something about us or pretend to be someone else just so people will like us, there’s still going to be people who don’t like us. You can change or lie about your views, your body, your hair color, your job…then there will be people who don’t like the “new” you. For all of us, there’s many who like and will like us and some who won’t. And that’s ok. 

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I think this novel is beautiful and challenges our views of beauty and provokes thoughts on unconditional love and acceptance.  It conveys the message that every person makes mistakes or does something that someone else will not like, does things we aren’t proud of, and can be judged by someone somewhere and how it’s good to not overly judge people in negative ways. We usually do the best we can the best we know how in each moment and even if we don’t, there’s a chance later to be better. We aren’t the person we previously were. All that matters is who we are now. We don’t have to be imprisoned by our past. We can start now and be as loving as possible to everyone we encounter. We can take all that we were and all that we are and use it for the best, to build our- self into more greatness. The seemingly unpleasant facts about ourselves can be used as a catalyst for positive change. 
What matters most is that the heart is in the right place and that we see each other’s true inner beauty, not get lost judging mistakes and flaws. 

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The book has about 399 pages, I think, and is very much the page turner! I seriously couldn’t sleep night after night because I stayed up reading and thinking about the book. I felt so involved in it and so empty and so full when it ended. I miss the characters and the world in the book. I want it all back! Lol I even plan on reading the book again! I feel that way with lots of books but not usually to this depth. The author is so skilled and a gift to the world. She really brings her characters alive and the two main ones are very well developed.  The book is fairly long, nearly 400 pages, but for this one, that’s not long enough! 

The story is grounded in so much hope.

It conveys the message that no matter what happens, no matter how dark, ugly, agonizing something can be, the next morning the sun will rise, the stars will shine in the night sky, the Earth will spin and flowers will grow. And that people are basically good. While there are those with cruel intentions who want to hurt(probably because they themselves are suffering in some way), there are many, many more and always will be more, who want to love and help and show compassion. 

Yes, I seriously recommend it! I read some of the reviews and even some people who aren’t into zombie thrillers love it. As I said, it’s not really about zombies because first, they aren’t zombies anyway, just sick people. And also it takes place years after the Outbreak and is mostly about the aftermath. There are still some Infected people who have yet to be Cured where the Cure hasn’t yet reached and there is some adventure. There’s two other books about different aspects of this Infection, by the same author but can all be read separately, I think. I haven’t read those yet. 

“Love isn’t blind; it sees but it doesn’t mind.”

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To love, we don’t have to be “blind” to each other’s flaws. We can open our eyes, open our hearts and see. But love anyway.

I’m wishing you much love & happiness today and always.

Xoxo Kim

Supreme Unchanging Friend <3

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“Kindness is not an act. It is a lifestyle ” 

Kindness can be an individual act but it can also evolve into a way of life if we work on it and practice. Recently, an incident inspired me to ponder this concept more and to write this. 

Someone on Facebook who I do not know and is not on my friend’s list and never was but is somehow still able to post on my content (which I don’t mind, I welcome everyone into my world, lol) has been writing uncalled for comments/messages  to me somewhat recently. She has done this months ago, disappeared, and then came back. It’s nothing completely vicious, no personal insults, but definitely sarcastic and utterly pointless. She posts these unpleasant comments on/sends these messages about multiple things I post/share, I share lots of inspirational posts which I know do not resonate with everyone but can apply to people in general, stuff like “kindness is best not just when it’s convenient but as a way of life” and quotes by Buddha and other enlightened/wise people, just various positive things by various people, and she posts things like “yeah because that’ll really work!” implying that it won’t and “yeaaah, I think I’ll just leave this advice at the curb…” “uhh good luck with that one!” “hmm, can’t wait to see where this one gets you!” “ugh! You mean people really feel this way?!”  “no. I think i’ll just put ME first!” “let’s see where all that kindness gets you in life…”

Lol

I’m just paraphrasing but this is basically what she writes to me. And as you can see, it really has no substance and no purpose or so it seems to me. 

 And she writes hostile insults about Buddhist people and Buddha and disagrees with the concept of universal love, which is definitely ok.
There’s nothing at all wrong with debating against a religion or philosophy or disagreeing but there’s no need for nonsensical, intentional insults or pointless bitter sarcasm. Some people are a fan of that but I’m sure as hell not! 

 She doesn’t just comment about Buddhist posts but on various ones. She advocates for always putting ourselves before everyone else. And while I disagree, it’s ok that she feels that way and disagrees with me. And ok that she states her opinions. Her opinions are no less worthy of being heard than my own.
She has no less of a privilege/right to state her opinions than I do.  And I’m not preachy or wanting to annoyingly lecture people.

 And I won’t always be right. I welcome different views. Even the ones I find less than appealing. 

But there’s no need to have a flippant mouth/tone. If we insist on posting on like every thing someone shares or writes just to disagree and sending messages to people just to criticize, we can at least have a more pleasant tone and cut out the sarcasm, which I don’t care for.  

Also, I really don’t see the point posting on stuff like this and sending e-mails/messages just to disagree unless we have something valuable to contribute. In my opinion, sarcasm, just to get at someone, is not valuable. By valuable, I mean having an effective or positive outcome or intention, helping someone see different points of views, challenging people to grow…not just being a smartass for the hell of it. I really don’t see the point. It doesn’t mean there isn’t one, I just don’t see it. 

I know we may have different ideas of the word “positive” and the word “valuable” and on different occasions, in different contexts, the concept of each word can shift or change. I am aware of that. But this is my concept of the words in this case.

Because her comments/messages are usually just one sentence sarcastic remarks, I usually ignore it because really what else can someone write back that would be constructive? It’s not like she’s debating with me and also being sarcastic and I can just ignore the sarcasm and debate with her in a civil way. It’s all it is is shallow sarcastic remarks. So there’s really not much to say. Maybe she’s stressed out or something and for whatever reason uses my Facebook account to blow off steam. Maybe my sappy love posts and public settings are inviting and she sees it as a safe place to relieve stress or anger by spewing sarcastic remarks? 
I’m understanding of that. And if it really is helping her in some deeper way than just trying to tick me off, I welcome it with open arms. It’s ok if she reduces her stress or anger at the expense of my account. That’s why I post things and write, to help people!  If anyone at all wants to use my inbox, comments section here, or on fb, or e-mail to vent and relieve stress or anger, or whatever and go off, please go ahead! I’m here to listen/read or just let you vent without judgment!  But I really don’t know what her deal is. 

“Kindness is the sunshine in which virtue grows.” ~
Robert Green Ingersoll

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I definitely wanted to write something rude back to her but that goes against everything I stand for. It was tempting after a while but I resisted. Also, how hypocritical would it be of me to post something unkind to someone on a post about being kind to everyone even when they do not deserve it! Lmao, the irony! But it sure was tempting! It would have actually been super hilarious because of how ironic it would be.  I was almost tempted to, just to be funny. Lol (like one day ages ago, when I wrote a blog post bragging about how I learned to put many pictures in one post and no pictures showed up after I hit the publish button! I was about to change it and put the pictures back on but I decided to keep it with no pics just because it was really funny and ironic how I said about all the pics on it, then NONE appeared! ) 

My main problem wasn’t just that she posted a rude comment but that she posted multiple ones and not once posted anything constructive or positive and the same for a few months ago when she appeared. It was like she just wanted to be an annoyance. 

I thought about writing something sarcastic but in a very subtle way. Something not obviously aggressive but gets my displeasure across to her in an implicit unkind way. But then I realized that’s also vicious and not loving. 

I began to have compassionate thoughts about her, at first forced. “Fake it ’til you make it!” it’s not really being “fake” but a genuine attempt to evolve into deeper compassion. It doesn’t mean being kind to someone’s face then bashing that person in a gossipy way later to someone else or on an fb status or blog post. 

I was a bit annoyed at her one night before falling asleep, but forced myself to have loving thoughts for her. It can be so hard! Not as hard for me as for some because along with being naturally inclined to being loving and overly easy going even when people are being difficult, I am a mindful, intentional universal love practitioner and Lovingkindness meditator. But it can still be difficult sometimes.  But I forced it while also admitting in my own head that I am displeased.

This is not repression or being “fake” but practicing Lovingkindness to become genuinely more loving and kind to everyone, all living, sentient beings, everywhere.

 Then I woke up and felt nothing but warm compassion and love for her. I realize she’s prone to suffering and death, loss and pain and tragedy just like me. Just like everyone.  At any moment she can be struck with an illness, a bullet, a cluster headache, a heart attack…just like I can and then will any of the nonsense matter anymore? Why not love her instead?

 She was once an innocent baby and will at one point be a very old person who is even more susceptible to unpleasant circumstances like disease, death, pain… And just like me, she has hopes, happiness, concerns, goals, dreams, interests, joy, love….a life and a breath. A story. A song. A name. 

This deepened my compassion even more. Her suffering and pain is no less than mine and her happiness and wellbeing are no less important than mine. I realized I do not want to inflict any kind of anger, unhappiness, pain, annoyance..or whatever, upon her with rude comments back even if she wants to inflict any of that upon me. And if she’s a troll who was merely pursuing negative attention in return for hers then it would just be perpetuating it. That ultimately does no good in my opinion.  And if she’s suffering or stressed and is taking it out on my account then she needs love, not rudeness back. 

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” ~
Og Mandino

I was able to take advantage of this amazing experience to strengthen my habit/way of life/philosophy to always be kind even in the face of the unkindness and bitterness of others. It was the perfect opportunity to “practice what I preach.” 

She challenged me and the way of life that I advocate for and try to live, not just with her opposing views but the way she chose to go about stating her views, by actually acting in an unpleasant way, actually BEING an example, tempting me to give in and give up on my philosophy of life.

 It’s usually harder to be kind and loving when someone is actually being rude and bitter than when the person is just opposing my views with views I find to be distasteful. And it’s so much harder to be kind and loving when a person in reality is being rude and bitter than just an imaginary scenario in my head. I can think in my head and write/say that if people act rudely I will still be kind but when I am faced with the situation for real, not just in my head, in theory, in writing, or in imagination, it is usually much harder. She’s not the first person I have encountered who acts rudely in person or online. And she won’t be the last.  So each unpleasant seeming encounter I experience can be my teacher and my chance to practice universal Lovingkindness. 

This opportunity is so convenient and so “perfect,” it briefly occurred to me that she may have actually intentionally been trying to teach me, challenge me, help me strengthen, test my life philosophy by acting this way. It’s a kind of irony that she may have noticed if she’s exceptionally wise. I don’t think it’s the case though, it just crossed my mind. I know that many years ago, I used to argue against some people’s views, like political, religious, or philosophical, who I completely agreed with just to try to strengthen both of our arguments. They did not know I actually agreed with them and was just acting. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, it’s kind of shady and seems a bit trollish, maybe? But it did help my debating skills and maybe theirs. 

But she probably wasn’t doing this. 

I am very thankful for the experience and deeper wisdom I have come to experience as a result of this encounter with this person. She is my teacher. And I really do have compassion and love for her. Not in a way to provoke her to be unhappy, to “kill with kindness” in a passive aggressive way just because I know she doesn’t want my kindness and love. She seems to be an advocate for aggression and hostility so she may not appreciate my love. But because that’s what I am and want to continue to be and be even better and better at. I won’t intentionally use my love to annoy her by expressing it to her.  I’m ignoring her but in my head I wish the best for her and if she ever comments something that seems worth responding to, even if I disagree or it’s negative or rude, I will be pleasant in my response, not aggressive in an explicit or subtle way. I’m not going to sarcastically, excessively, “kill with kindness” but actually BE kind. She may or may not like it but I can’t help what she likes or not. It’s not my place to control her and I don’t want to anyway. I will not intentionally try to annoy her. It’s all I can do. 

Also,

I don’t judge people negatively, who disagree with my Way and think it’s better to lash out at those who are rude or post/say uncalled for things. It’s true I advocate for and try to live with kindness as a way of life but I still am compassionate and usually understanding for those who hold other views and live differently. Not always, I make mistakes too and do/say things that are better not said or done. 

Sometimes when people hold certain views or live certain ways, they try to make others who disagree or live differently, feel unsettled or try to act like their morals are above everyone else’s. Have you ever met a “health freak” who only consumes organic food and works out like everyday and tries to make you feel like a lazy slob for not exercising and for eating junk all day? Or a vegetarian who tries to make you feel like you are less compassionate than that person is or like you are cruel for eating meat? Or a pro life advocate who acts like s/he lives with better morals than you or is more loving or trustworthy than you if you’re pro choice or had an abortion? Or acts like you’re a murderer? Lol Or a pro choice advocate who tries to intimidate you into thinking you are cruel or anti-woman or not for equality or women’s rights if you are pro life? Or like you’re a selfish control freak who tries to run people’s lives? Or a prudish person who acts like you live a very immoral life if you’re promiscuous? Or a very educated person with an advanced school degree who arrogantly acts like you or your education or lack of education is/are inferior to that person? Or a religious person who acts like that person is somehow above you with better morals and is more trustworthy than an atheist or a condescending atheist who acts like s/he is more intelligent or reasonable than you if you are a person who believes in g/ods? Or a person with a lot of money who acts like s/he’s better than those with less? Or a working class/jobless person who tries to guilt trip you for having money and having fun with it and having three family cars while “kids in Africa are starving?” or a Republican/Conservative who thinks you’re a barbarian with no morals and no brain  if you’re a Liberal. Or a Democrat/Liberal who claims you’re a heartless, sexist, racist, fascist, homophobic monster who only cares about rich people and corporations, or parents who act superior to other parents who bring up their kids differently…

Certainly not all people in the groups I mentioned above do this but some do and it can be awkward to be around them when they act superior like this. 
And it can be awkward even being around them when they aren’t like this because we may assume they are judging us for having opposing views or a different way of living. 

“Kindness is a gift everyone can afford to give.” 

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Some people may become defensive and angry around them and some may feel that they have to justify their own lifestyle or views over and over or like they have to conceal it around certain people.

I am a vegetarian (for the animals, not for me) and have been for over a decade but I’m not going to throw ketchup on your fur coat or throw fire into science labs and throw wet dog food all over the cars of scientists who test on animals and I’m not going to assume I am more compassionate or love animals more than meat eaters. And I won’t go all apeshit if you eat a real hotdog in front of me. I have had people tell me sorry over and over for not being a vegetarian or for eating meat while in my presence even when I wasn’t saying a word or even thinking something negative about those people. Who the hell am I that I must be apologized to or have to have things justified to me? Lol And sometimes I have felt a bit guilty even though I wasn’t intentionally trying to make them feel uncomfortable or guilty. 

 I usually never even tell people anymore that I don’t eat meat unless it comes up somehow. When I was a girl and very young woman, I did used to be in people’s faces with my vegetarian views and other views and I was arrogant about it, and then I grew up, fortunately. 
Some occasions I was the arrogant one trying to inflict guilt and anger on others and other occasions I was the one feeling the need to justify my views and say “sorry” just for being a certain way.  
But usually, neither one of those is necessary for any of us.

No matter what side of an issue we support or how we live, someone can make us out to be a monster or to be dumb or say horrible things about us. Even if we’re not so bad. Some opinions really do suck. And some opinions probably are better left unstated even though we have the right/privilege to state them, it doesn’t mean we have to. 

 But really none of us are better no matter what our views are or way of living is like. I’m not better than people who do what I mentioned above. I understand that many of us do often feel that our way of living, our lifestyle, our views…are best, that’s why we live and believe how we do. But we don’t have to act like we are better than anyone else. We can judge opinions or actions without judging the person as a whole. Judging isn’t necessarily wrong. It’s how we go about it that matters, in my opinion. But of course, I’m not telling people how they should live or act or talk or be. I’m just sharing  my opinion and giving suggestions. People can give me suggestions as well! It’s good to help each other open to different ideas. 

“Be polite to others, not because they are polite but because you are.” ❤

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I may be going off on a bit of a tangent but somehow I feel that it ties into my original topic. When I was writing about not judging and about being kind, I felt that it may be coming off as preachy and that isn’t my intention so I got into all that. 

I never want anyone to feel awkward around me if we have different views or ways of living. I don’t even want people who tend to act overly judgmental sometimes, like the ones I mention above, to feel awkward around me because I advocate for being not too judgmental. Also, like I said, I myself have done some of the things above. I learn more and more each day and practice more and more to be as loving as I can be. Like the Buddha, as mentioned in the Buddhist Liberating prayer (http://kadampa.org/buddhism/prayer-to-buddha), I want to be a “supreme unchanging friend” and “love all beings without exception” no matter what. And I will practice and learn and love as much as I can. 

I love the idea of “supreme unchanging friend.” Imagine having a friend you know without a doubt will be right here waiting to warmly embrace you no matter what you do or have done, a friend who will never judge you as the person you are even when you are wrong, stupid, cruel, even if you do something terrible to that friend. A person who will help guide you in life, in a loving way, not a condescending way, maybe judge your actions if they are seriously detrimental but never you. 

You can “steal” her/his husband, stab him/her in the back, betray that person, disappear for years, kill someone, even try to kill that friend! But s/he will be right here waiting with open arms when you want to come home again! She’ll meet you anywhere at any part of the day. She’ll answer your phone call at 4:00 in the morning, drive or take a bus to meet you across the city at 10:00 at night, miss a day of work to sit and soothe you when you are in pain, hug you when you are lonely, take you out for lunch when you’re having a bad day even if you just said cruel insults about her or betrayed her in some way…

There’s only one thing in this life I want more than to have a friend like that. That one thing is to BE that friend to others. And “friend” doesn’t necessarily have to mean a personal friend you hang out with but just someone who is always here when you want someone. This friend can be a teacher, a family member, an acquaintance, a neighbor, a homeless person, a religious person who teaches you, a monk or nun, a rabbi, or priest or minister, a coworker, your mamma,…. anyone.
Mothers in general and pets are inherently like this. We can look up to them. 

Many people see this friend as a pushover who is stupid or naive and let’s people get over on her/him. But it runs deeper than that. It’s about true love, not about fear or longing or need or attachment. It’s not about being too stupid to realize or fear of saying no or needing to be accepted by the ones who call on us.  It’s about genuine love for others. Selfless love with absolutely zero expectations. 

I hope you have that friend but even more, I hope one day you will BE that friend to others or at least just to one person. And even if we can’t or won’t be this way to this extreme, at least maybe we can keep reminding ourselves that it’s better to be kind than to be shown kindness, sweeter to love than to be loved, greater to accept, understand, and help than to be accepted, be understood, and be helped.
It’s better to be betrayed than to betray, better to be bullied than to be the bully. Better to be stabbed in the back than to be the backstabber. Better to trust and then be deceived or broken or betrayed than to never trust or take chances. Better to love and be crushed than never love. 

We can’t control what others are and do, say, or think, and it’s not our place to anyway. But we can help what we are and what we do, and I hope we will all be the best we can be in each moment and forgive ourselves and each other when we’re not. 

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Some occasions it may be better not to be “soft” or “warm” but to be more assertive and to say what people may not want to hear. To stand our ground, say no, and criticize in a constructive way even if people are angry. The Buddhist concept of “offering the victory,” letting others often be “right” even when they aren’t and giving in, letting everyone else go first, it’s a great way to live in general but sometimes, at least in my opinion, we do have to speak up and be more assertive, maybe even a bit aggressive at some points, but that’s not necessarily unkind or rude. Sometimes “a kick in the ass” and clearly saying “NO!” is more compassionate than warmth and giving in. But often, I think gentleness is good. ❤

If we want to see more kindness, love, and light around us and all over the world, let’s BE kindness, love, and light everywhere we are. 
It likely won’t change the entire world but it will be a start and at least put a little bit more light around us and can inspire others to do the same. Even if we alone can’t change the whole uni-verse, we can change our own little corner of the world for the better and inspire others along the way. Then who knows?! Maybe together we CAN change the whole world for the better! 

I’m wishing you much love today & always and I hope you’re having a lovely day or night wherever you are! ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim ❤

On being humble

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“When we embody love, we are the most powerful being in the universe.” ~ Emmanuel

I wasn’t always as developed as I am now. While I have always been empathetic, compassionate, loving, and understanding of others, not all of those qualities of mine were always as deep or as vast as they are today. I used to be more judgmental than I am now, sometimes criticizing people or things without thinking it completely through if it’s really necessary, sometimes overlooking the fact that I also do things that can, maybe even “should” be, judged critically.

“The praise that comes from love does not make us vain, but more humble.”
 ~James Matthew Barrie

I think for most of us, we evolve the longer we live, the more we experience even if we don’t realize we’re evolving. And when we do realize we are becoming wiser, more educated, more aware,  it’s possible to let it run away with us, let ourselves become a little bit too stuck up or arrogant, too proud, let our heads get too big.

Sometimes I feel so enlightened in some respects. I see things so much more clearly than I did before. I see how wrong I was in some ways about some things. And there have been occasions when I caught myself becoming too full of myself, arrogant, judgmental when I would have an encounter with someone who I perceived as not to be as “enlightened” or aware as I am.
Someone who still holds opinions that are not very evolved or opinions I disagree with or someone who handles those opinions in ways I don’t appreciate or wouldn’t do myself.

Like when I would meet someone who did not realize things or know things that I now know or realize.  And I would criticize the person for it, totally neglecting to realize that at one point I did not realize this or something else, either and that right now at this very moment there are things I don’t know or understand, that I am so less developed than I will be in years to come, with age and much more experience. I’m not the most enlightened being on Earth and likely never will be.  And that’s ok.

It reminds me of when I would take certain Logic and critical thinking classes in college. In the beginning of one class, our professor told us that in a few weeks we would already know so much more than the average person about reasoning, arguing, debating. He said we would begin to see all the flaws in people’s reasoning in everyday life. People around us, people on TV, commercials, everywhere. He said him, as a Logician with extremely advanced reasoning skills and nearly flawless logic, couldn’t turn off his ability to instantly detect flaws in reasoning even when he would be out with friends having a simple or trivial conversation, watching TV whether it was comedy movies or political or religious debates, reading, everywhere. His knowledge of Logic, fallacies, arguments…is so superior he can’t help but just see how everyone else’s logic is just so flawed. He often had to resist the urge to correct everyone everywhere. 

I had a few philosophy professors who told us, although probably mostly in jest, that we may soon regret taking the class because all of  a sudden everyone around us becomes so “stupid,” unenlightened, or unreasonable that it’s nauseating. Lol 

They said we may become arrogant, inpatient, intolerant of everyone who has never taken a logic or critical thinking class. And it was true. I did start to detect flaws in people’s reasoning everywhere I would go, even in simple, everyday conversations. I noticed how fallacious so many arguments really are. Sometimes it was so frustrating to know so much more than the average person about certain things.

And years later when I began to actively practice and meditate upon universal compassion and general tolerance more than ever before and realized it’s the best way for me to be, I started to sometimes catch myself judging others who weren’t that way.

Sometimes I would give myself a pat on the back for being “just so much more evolved” than most people I know or come in contact with.

When someone would get worked up during an argument, sling an explicit insult at an opponent, argue in flawed ways like I used to do, I would be critical of those people, praising myself for being “beyond that.”

Now I quickly correct myself if ever I catch myself doing that. I’m usually patient in the face of other people’s impatience, gentle with other people’s aggression, non judgmental of someone else’s judgments, tolerant of other people’s intolerance and accepting of someone else’s lack of acceptance. I understand that not everyone will be understanding and I have more compassion than I used to, for those who lack compassion. 

Constructive criticism is often a good thing but it can be delivered in a humble way. Assertiveness is necessary in some cases, firmness and unwavering confidence and strength in the face of some injustice.

Love & compassion & acceptance that I write or speak of, in no way means backing down and not speaking up. It doesn’t mean letting people get away with things they should not get away with. It simply means knowing bad things happen, injustice exists in the world, people have differing and horrible opinions and do horrible things but we don’t have to sink to the level of getting even, wishing horrific things on people as punishments, slinging insults and hurting others to seek retribution.

It’s possible to be firm, assertive, grounded, loud, opinionated but loving. 

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It’s important to stand up for whatever our Truth is, to advocate for what we believe in, speak out against injustice, abuse, cruelty in any form, to defend those who need us, speak up for those who need supporters…but we can do this while promoting love instead of bashing those who disagree. “Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”

It’s not always easy but I believe it’s worth the struggle.

I’m very into Buddhism which teaches universal love and compassion. I’m not a Buddhist but I read about it everyday and practice many of their principles. There are more things I don’t know and understand about Buddhism than things I do know and understand. But I learn more and more each day.

You don’t have to be a Buddhist to incorporate many of their virtues into your own life.
And it’s compatible with religions including Christianity, Judaism, and others. Some people disagree or don’t realize. But Buddhists don’t necessarily believe in any specific god and their principles can go along with the principles of various religions.

You can think of Buddhism as a philosophy or as a religion.

Monastic Buddhists are seriously dedicated, hardcore Buddhists who follow everything in the Lamrim, every principle in excruciating detail and lay Buddhists are looser in their views or lifestyles. They take Buddhism seriously but don’t necessarily follow every principle of Buddhism.

One of the things I love completely about genuine Buddhism and true Buddhists or pro Buddhists is that they teach and promote certain principles and ways of life but they do not enforce them or judge those who do not adopt those views, attitudes, and ways. They teach, guide, advocate for but fully accept that others will not and they embrace those people anyway. This way they remain peaceful within and allow others to be what they will.

I think sometimes when some of us become enlightened on something or think we have and realize we were wrong or utterly ignorant or clueless previously, it can instill embarrassment into us, embarrassment that we did not know or realize this all along, it’s now so obvious, how wasn’t it always this blatant? And the humiliation is so strong we want to avoid it, repress, deny it and run fast away instead of facing it. So what do we do in this case? What makes it easier to avoid confronting ourselves on how wrong or clueless we were before? What’s often easier than admitting I was wrong? Judging, criticizing others who are in the place I used to be in, those who know less about something I now know more about, those with an opinion I once shared but now converted to a “better” one. It’s easier than confessing that I was wrong before and now realize or have become enlightened or changed. It’s easier to verbally attack the me I see in someone else than the real me, my own flesh and blood.

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I believe it’s important to stay humble no matter how much more I think I know. Or how right I think I am.

There will always be those who know more than me and those who know less. Those who are more primitive and those more evolved, people who are cruel and seem stupid and those whose intelligence is way out of the average person’s league, people with extreme compassion and deep understanding of others and ones who couldn’t care less to try to understand, open minded and narrow minded, educated and uneducated, enlightened and still in the dark….and to me, they all deserve compassion, empathy, and to be embraced in universal love even if they don’t display that same love or care to be embraced in it. I can still wish them the best and let them go their own way while going my way. That is true, pure, selfless love. At some point I have been and will be again, many of those things I mentioned above. 

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~Hug the hurt
Kiss the broken
Befriend the lost
Love the lonely~ 

I believe in Universal Love, higher love, all encompassing love and compassion, being One with all that is. 
Not everyone will agree and that’s ok.