Tag Archive | writing

Creativity – Don’t Hold Back!!! :-D

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I have been feeling this creative energy just surging through me like never before and have no idea why! Lol! I have never considered myself to be creative and have always felt a kind of block when attempting to think or act creatively.   I’m better at research/academic/analytical stuff. 

I have often put off doing things I either knew or assumed I wouldn’t be good at.   I would try it and quit right away.  I know that’s not a good idea and is a self imposed creative block. First of all, if it’s fun and interesting to you, it doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not.

Also there’s a chance you will become better with practice.  Creativity doesn’t just have to be things like drawing and writing. It can be things like problem solving and thinking about things at different angles and with different perspectives.

I have noticed I am more creative now in writing poetic -like writings and with problem solving. People have sometimes told me I have a poetic way of speaking, which comes naturally to me but I’m not so sure I have ever been great at writing actual poetry or stories. But I feel more creative than ever now!   I have been trying to analyze why this is and one thing I think is, it may have to do with increased confidence in other areas. Confidence in one aspect of life can permeate to every other aspect, which is very good!

I have been meditating upon the concept of “When one door closes, another opens.”. That is a creative way of thinking.   Instead of dwelling on what is lost, we can use the experience to make way for better things.

If we allow it, it can help us look at things differently.   I used to often, and sometimes still do, dwell on previous pain and struggles, allowing them to hold me back and imprison me. But more and more I have been using them as resources to guide me and strengthen me.

So I believe this is contributing to my general creativity enhancement.  Also, I have been posting here in this blog much more frequently than ever. I have said before, I have always been so inspired to write but often felt too fatigued to put much thought into things. I consume too much sugar and it tends to make me sluggish.  Also depression can make me fatigued, sluggish, like a zombie.

But I have made some minor lifestyle changes such as stretches more frequently which help with fatigue and so I have more energy to put thought into what I write here and that helps me be more creative all around.   It’s like strengthening my “creative muscle.”. Also I have come to sometimes allow my depression itself to inspire me by looking at it in various ways other than just cursing it.  This is hard but can sometimes be accomplished. 

Sometimes now, instead of succumbing to my bed or the floor in a depression, I create a blog post with something positive to focus on!

I let it inspire new ideas, coping mechanisms, and other things in me.

Also, I have been giving in and not holding back. When I feel like writing poetically or creatively I do no matter how much I think it will suck. Lol. This gets my creative juices flowing.

One problem I recently had is somehow my phone service got switched over to Android. I have a Blackberry, never an Android. But someone switched it in the T-Mobile system and it took my phone’s Internet away. This is a permanent switch. It can often be fixed just by the phone service people switching it in their system but sometimes that won’t work. To spare you many boring and confusing details I will just say it did not work and my phone needs a Master reset which will permanently delete all my photos, songs, writings, everything.  And even that may not bring my Internet service back to this phone.

I can back it up on a computer but currently have no computer Internet so that’s out of the question.   I tried writing stuff on paper but it’s overwhelming. I have so much amazing stuff on here! Lol

But I kept calm. I was disappointed but not angry. I know someone just made a mistake and there are way worse things than losing files on a phone no matter how amazing they are.

But because of all my creative thinking /acting lately, I thought of a “solution ” and although my phone isn’t fixed and I can’t get on the net using the browser icon on my home screen, I thought of another way to get on the net.  It’s more complicated but it’s a way!  I found two ways actually.  So thankful!   

 I think I’ll keep it this way for now. There’s a chance I may need a new phone and eventually lose everything but for now I will do what I can to keep it.   And feel gratitude in the process for everything I have and am.

I decided to compose a list of tips that I find helpful for enhancing creativity since I am a creative genius now. Lol jk. I’m nothing of that sort! ;-). But I’m in the process of learning and would love to share.

To enhance your creativity maybe these will help:

1.) Don’t let lack of or perceived lack of skills or talent hold you back. This is probably the most crucial tip. You will never know how great you can be or what you can accomplish or attain if you never try. Keep trying.   Maybe your drawing, writing, painting…..whatever it is you want to do will suck but so what? And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to show it to any one. Don’t hold back!  Channel your inner child. Lose your inhibitions, your fears, your feelings of things being only for children or only for professional people.

2.) Explore. Reflect. Look deep within you. This can be done with meditation of some sort or  reflective thinking. Think about how you feel right now or how you feel or have felt about certain things. Write a poem about it. Draw a picture representing it. Make a collage.   Go to stores, flip through magazines and see what jumps out at you. Last night I was having great difficulty sleeping and felt the urge to write poetry but felt not inspired enough. So I thought deeply about how I felt at that very moment and how I feel about certain situations and people and was suddenly so inspired to write poetically/creatively.

3.) Look at song titles, blog post titles, and other titles like of books and write a poem or short story about that concept without copying the other person’s work. You can just look at them randomly without even reading or listening to the content.

4.) Try hard to understand a view opposing your own on a certain topic or try to see how someone else can feel that way even though you do not. This stretches your “mind” and gets you outside the “box.”

5.) Look to others for inspiration. Pay close attention to other creative work. See what you like, don’t like, what challenges you…and start your own creative journey. I would suggest to consciously try not to rip of their work though.  You probably want yours to be original and probably don’t want a lawsuit. Lol

6.) Take pictures and look at pictures! It’s amazing what photographs can elicit. You can make the photos themselves your creative project or write poems about them! Don’t reserve picture taking for only “special occasions.”. All occasions are special.

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7.) Inhabit your body, be mindful of your senses and how things feel to you, the experience of experiencing. Write or draw about the experience. Write or draw using your senses for inspiration.   What’s does something feel like, sound like, look or taste or smell like? Use imagery in your writing. Try to paint a vivid picture or image in the heads of your readers or viewers or listeners. Use your imagination/fantasy as well as reality.

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I wrote the quote in the picture and I took the pic and put the quote onto it.

Here’s an example of something I recently wrote as part of a poetic-like short story:

“She stands alone with just the stars in the palms of her hands and the moonlight streaking her long flowing hair, meadows painted across her sky blue eyes, butterflies & sparkles woven through her lashes.”
& this: 

“And I watch
Chromatic
Florets 
Bloom
Into the vibrant blue
A fluorescence
Of tranquil tunes
As pastel colored
Butterflies 
Parade
Like a
Slow song
Around the
Floral
Array
In the air”
This is part of a poem I wrote a while ago.

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The line in the pic above is one I wrote as part of a poem and the picture is mine which I took and out the quote on it.
and here’s another of my creations:

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8.) Put some color and design into your world. Surround yourself with bright or soothing colors, various colors and designs…

9.) Try new things to get your brain stimulated. Brush your teeth using your non dominant hand, go for a walk in a place you don’t go to much, drive to work a different route.

10.). Pay attention to kids. They are fearless when it comes to creative projects. Take their lessons to heart. This kind of hinges on Tip #1.

11.) Let other people inspire you, not intimidate you. There are people out there with more developed or stronger skills than you and with more experience. There always will be.  Don’t let this discourage you.  Just be content with where you are. You don’t have to be the best at anything. Focus on your needs and desires. Some people are more experienced so have better skills. Some are just naturally more creative or skilled. And that’s ok. Be grateful you have come across them and their work as opposed to being so envious you can’t see straight.   Jealousy is normal and it’s ok but don’t let it hold you back or make you have animosity for others.

12.) Be willing to create or do things which are or may be viewed as “bizarre ” or “weird” or “unusual” by others. “Thinking outside the box” can get that creativity flowing.

13.) Keep going even when you doubt yourself. And keep going even when your creative work doesn’t turn out how you expected or hoped!

14.) Try looking at things which are usually considered ugly, plain, unattractive, in a more positive light. You can write poems about sadness and pain or take pictures of or draw bare trees, muddy puddles, car oil puddles, snow blizzards, insects…things often seen as miserable. I believe there is beauty almost everywhere if we really look and you can take something typically considered not beautiful and put a beautiful spin on it, poetically, lyrically, artistically…

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15.) Try meditation specifically to get creativity energy flowing.   You can go to http://www.meditationoasis.com/
And you can go to http://www.youtube.com/
And put in words like “meditation for creativity.”. I would include some links here to videos but I’m using my phone and can only get the mobile link and I never know if that works for anyone else. 

Here are two links that are supposed to go to the same video. One is for a computer and one is for mobile phones. I somehow managed to get the desktop link. If it works for others though, I have no clue.   Both links work for me when I click on them.

Computer link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=CPrk4_JFA90

Mobile link
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CPrk4_JFA90

Also here is a list of tips I found:  http://www.creativitypost.com/create/101_tips_on_how_to_become_more_creative

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night and hope you find some creative inspiration if it’s what you’re searching for.   😀

Xoxo Kim 😀

Life Lately & Creative Project

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So every so often I see those “Life Lately” posts on blogs and I love reading them so much. I love people and knowing what’s going on with them even when I don’t know them personally. I decided to incorporate one of those into this post! Yay! Lol ;-D

Lately…

Listening to: my taste in music never changes. Ever.   Same as it ever was. Oldies, country, sappy love songs, inspirational/uplifting . Also I just downloaded many more meditation mp3’s. And some are just creepy and had to be deleted. So yeah. No way.   And I recently created a Playlist on my phone of nothing but uplifting songs to inspire and help me.   One song constantly on my heart is LeeAnn Womack’s “I Hope You Dance.” I can’t get enough of that song or quite explain how deeply it speaks to me.  It’s one of my greatest resources that helps me with my suicidal/low/depressive moods.  And there’s another song I have been listening to by Rodney Atkins “If You’re Going Through Hell.” It’s about holding on no matter how much it hurts and keep on going. He sings about being in darkness and just when we feel as if we can’t get any lower, we sink to a new level of despair and desperation and it seems like everyone is out to get us, things are bad and go to worse seeming as if they can’t get worse. Then they do.

But we just keep going, going, and going and there are people who care and want to help. And eventually things start looking up.

And some Alice Cooper lyrics 

“We talk about this whole stupid world and still come out laughing ha ha
We never make any sense but hell that never mattered
But we’ll make it through our blackest hour we’re living proof” ~ Alice Cooper (“Department of Youth lyrics)

Watching: again.  Something that never changes. I do not watch TV. But I love when my dad watches “King of Queens” at night!   I love that show and even have the theme song on my phone.

Reading : Sarah Ban Breathnach ‘s “Something More” and just loving it.  She has this great “arts & crafts” idea I’m doing and I have some creative ideas swirling around in my head.

I have a blank page notebook and on the cover it reads, “think positive you are master of your own destiny.”. On the blank pages I’m writing positive quotes and song lyrics and gluing pretty pictures, quotes, and words out of magazines.   It will be my creative book of positivity! 😀

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Struggling with: so, lately I am having quite a few struggles. Been struggling with depression, psychosis (having some madd hallucinations and keeping me up at night and they are very vivid. That’s why I’m up so early now.  Currently they are auditory and visual. Sometimes I know I’m hallucinating and sometimes I don’t.   Usually it’s when I’m severely depressed that I don’t know til later. What really sucks is sometimes I feel the urge or need to answer the voices or things when they talk even when I know they aren’t really there…they are as real to me as an actual person..it can be annoying and terrifying.
it probably sounds so freaky to people who are “normal” but I promise I’m not a weirdo. Lol. I’m just a girl with a chemical imbalance.) two nights ago I found a meditation mp3 to increase serotonin in the brain and yesterday I meditated to it. It’s supposed to be sending an unconscious positive message to the brain. I do not know what on god’s green earth it was saying to me but when I came out of the meditation I was sickly and achy.   ???!!??

Whaaattt??!! Huh?! Yeah, serious headache and just a weird all around feeling.   Never again. Delete. Lol. I don’t know what’s going with this thing but I feel injured by it.

There’s a lawsuit right there! Lol jk! Not really!   I’m not money hungry and I know the person who created it has good intentions.  

Also, my phone’s auto correct. It’s just getting to me. It’s like a setting got changed and it’s over correcting.   It’s spelling things wrong and changing the versions of words to the same word but a different version. And my memory card is full and I can’t take new pictures!! Blahhh!! Now I have to save up for a new memory card!   And taking pictures is my life!   Well, a big part of it!  But it’s all good!  My phone really is an excellent phone.  I am blessed.

Loving: this Fall weather!   I love Fall.   And it’s finally beginning to feel like Fall and not Summer.  I love Philadelphia.
Also, I’m loving writing here, helping myself and others. It’s so great to have something positive to focus on.
And the positivity creativity book I have been working on. I have been feeling creative tendencies attempting to break through.   I don’t know why.   But I’m so inspired to write. Poetically.   Draw. Arts & crafts.   Dream even things I know will never materialize. I have this closed minded thing about me where I tend to not dream of things I think can never occur. That’s a big creative block and just dumb so I’m working on that!  Nothing is impossible really (except for things that literally are.) . I have no special creative talents and I occasionally get creative energy bursts and do all “creative” stuff I’m terrible at then I quit. But it’s good and fun to draw, write, paint, play… whether or not we’re good at it.  So I’m going to make it part of my everyday routine to get my creative juices flowing. 

I even have a creative meditation mp3 designed to help us tap into our creative side and enhance creativity.

It’s at meditationoasis.com

http://www.meditationoasis.com/

Here: http://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast/listen-to-podcast/
#29
They have some for free and some to buy. This one is currently available at no cost.

I would like to encourage anyone interested to get a notebook like I have and make it a fun positive creative notebook.  Write things like quotes, song lyrics, and words which inspire you. Draw & glue pictures.   All you need is markers, crayons, or colored pencils, magazines, scissors, glue, pens, a notebook, any arts and crafts stuff and your brain!   It’s fun to do and you can look at it later to inspire yourself!

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This beautiful quote is out of LeeAnn Womack’s wonderful song “I Hope You Dance.”. This song and this line have always helped me so much and always will. When I feel like giving up as if I’m about to succumb to depression/suicidal thoughts & urges, this often helps pull me back or keep me grounded.

“When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider.” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Thanks!

Xoxo Kim

Sunshine Award….Thank You Dr. Rex <3

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The amazing Dr. Rex nominated me for the Sunshine Award! She is beautiful, amazing, and very expressive. She has a sweet way of impacting people for the better and showing people deep gratitude and appreciation. We share similar views on things too.

Please go visit her beautiful blog here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/

And here is the award nominations page:
http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2013/10/10/sunshine-award-2/

I am so beyond blessed and grateful that someone reads my writings and finds me worthy of this award!

I read and love many blogs and they are all amazing and bring light into the world. My life is much better because of many of the amazing people and their love, courage, and need or desire to share their beauty with the world using their blogs. I don’t know them in person but they greatly impact me.

Here are the rules:

The rules of this award are the following:

1) Use the logo above in the post.
2) Link to whoever nominated you.
3) Write ten pieces of information about yourself.
4) Nominate ten fellow bloggers “who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere.”
5) Leave a comment on the nominees’ blogs to tell them of the award.

Here are my ten facts:

1.) I love reading. My favorite subjects are Personal Development, Philosophy, and Psychology. I love reading books, ebooks, plays, blogs, websites…and I read more fiction now than I used to and love it! I also love poetry of various kinds.

“I adore the feeling of being completely taken in by a book. When the tears of joy or sadness wet your cheeks. When you snort with laughter in a crowd and when you shout at the pages in anger.” ~ Unknown

2.) Photography is something I’m very interested in but know almost nothing about. I take pictures with my BlackBerry phone constantly and it takes amazing pictures! I would love to be a Nature/wedding /engagement/couples/baby/family photographer. I love natural things like sunlight flowers, moon, birds, insects…and I love everything about weddings and families and babies. To me they symbolize love, new beginnings, and togetherness. I plan on learning more about it and am entertaining the idea of taking photography classes for fun one day when I get money!

“To photograph truthfully and effectively is to see beneath the surfaces and record the qualities of nature and humanity which live or are latent in all things.”
Ansel Adams

“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever… it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”
– Aaron Siskind

No, the camera can’t steal the soul. But it can occasionally hold it hostage.
– author unknown

3.) I strongly value friendship and unity.

“Friendships are different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintanceship, friendship is based on love. Unlike lovers and married couples, it is free of jealousy. Unlike children and parents, it knows neither criticism nor resentment. Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are based on a contract. So is marriage. Parents are bound by the law. But friendships are freely entered into, freely given, freely exercised.” ~ Stephen Ambrose

“But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” ~ Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

4.) I have struggled with depression off and on since I was 13 years old.

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts like today.” ~ Og Mandino.

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. -~ Anne Frank

5.) I love people and animals and love and accept unconditionally. If I love/like you I won’t reject you for political/religious/philosophical views or for decisions you make or have made that I disagree with. I see the good and the beauty in people. I see the person, not mistakes or disagreements.

“I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me
See like me or be like me
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.” ~ Bob Dylan

6.) Two of my favorite things are quotes & songs. They can be so deeply inspirational.

“Life itself is a quotation.” – Jorge Luis Borges

7.) I am a very simple girl with a very simple life for the most part. I am not complicated or hard to understand. I don’t participate much in or cause complicated arguments with people. I do not make things more complex than they have to be. I usually say exactly what I mean and do not expect people to be my mind readers. This is not to say my external environment is always calm and peaceful. I experience stress, chaos, disorder, drama…sometimes but have learned to mostly handle it well and remain still & calm within. Simple isn’t dull. I have a deep, rich inner life. I ponder philosophical ideas, concepts, questions…I love meditation…

Confucius says it best “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

8.) I am extremely loving. I am overflowing with love & gratitude for people, animals, things, life, the world, love & gratitude itself.

“When I start loving I just can’t stop.” ~ Sam & Dave (“Soul Man” lyrics)

“There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.”
~Louise Hay

9.) Oldies music, country music, sappy love songs, uplifting music…is the best!

“Just take those old records off the shelf
I’ll sit and listen to ’em by m’self
Today’s music ain’t got the same soul
I like that old time rock and roll
Don’t try to take me to a Disco
You’ll never even get me out on the floor
In 10 minutes I’ll be late for the door
I like that old time rock and roll ” ~ Bob Seger

10.) While I love seeing some traits in people that I, myself, also possess, I have a deep respect and adoration for people who possess characteristics that I do not. For example: I am not very assertive and do not always speak up for myself when I should and I LOVE assertiveness in others. Even when someone speaks up to me about something the person disagrees with me for and even when I feel that person is wrong/incorrect. I sometimes neglect/abuse myself in ways like denying I have a problem and not taking medication and putting everyone who takes advantage of me first and love when people are devoted to self-care and nourish themselves. I love to see people stand up for and advocate for themselves. Not being overly selfish but a healthy dosage of selfishness. It’s not good to be purely selfless!

I believe Buddha is correct in saying “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Other than Dr. Rex’s blog, Here are the eleven (sorry, I broke the rules! ) blogs that to me are perfection. The authors make the world better and touch lives with beauty, wisdom, and light. Thank You!! 😀

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

Beautiful girl, beautiful blog! I love her writing so much! So uplifting and real. And fascinating.

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/
Very inspiring! So heartwarming and touching!

http://wordslikesilk.com/
Beautiful writing!

http://terry1954.wordpress.com/
She is beautiful and displays much strength and wisdom.

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

So wise & inspiring.

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/
Love this blog and we share a love for feather friends!

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

Very inspiring and lovely.

http://timelessferry.wordpress.com/

Beautiful writing and photos.

http://journeyofshe.wordpress.com/

Very inspiring and amazing.

http://5kidswdisabilities.com/
Very strong, inspiring, and positive.

http://thebettermanprojects.com/

We share the similar goal of being the best we can be and working constantly at personal development.

Thank You again Dr. Rex and to the above bloggers and all the others who touch this world with wild wonder & sunlight & moonlight.

Xoxo Kim

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In My Image <3

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I have been feeling a bit creative or like I want to be creative and was searching for some creative writing prompts and found this: 

http://m.pw.org/writing-prompts-exercises

I was searching for fictional prompts, like short story ones, but these ones are real life ones. 

I’m choosing this one today :

In Your Own Image”

“In many ways you are everyone who came before you. Your uniqueness is your own spin on the DNA of your ancestors. Spend several minutes sitting quietly in front of a mirror. Reflect. Other than you, whom else do you see? Write 500 words about how you feel towards these people you’ve never met but who are a part of you. Their story is yours, too.”

What a beautiful concept and writing prompt.

As I look at myself, I see my eyes and everything they convey. On the surface, I see the color, the blueness and the deep splashes of green, like flourishing floret splashes across an afternoon sapphire sky, I see my very long, thick full lashes I have had for as long as I can remember, one of my mom’s gifts to me which I used to loathe now I love. I can now see creases around my eyes, which were not present previously in this life of mine, creases which signify age, years of struggles, pain, laughter, wisdom, heartache…lines upon my face – the result of a lifetime of belly laughs & smiles and sunshine.

I see my long, thick tresses, cascading my shoulders like burnt sienna waterfalls and clinging to my waist, with natural golden & orange highlights.

I see my freckles which become very noticeable every Fall and I have never liked but my mom always thinks are so cute. My sister and me both have them.

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I see my mom. I have inherited her youthfulness, her glow, her long lashes, her easily amused temperament, her ability to see the positive in almost every situation , her love for animals, I may have inherited a bit of her aversion to death and anything that has anything to do with it. I see my grand mom, my mom’s mom who must have handed down that youthful glow to my mom which I have inherited.

I see my dad. I have almost his same hair color but mine is a shade darker. I inherited his natural thinness which usually stands unbuffeted by anything I put into my body or anything going on around or within me. I have his legs which we always joke in my family are “chicken legs.”. I see me as a little girl doing a chicken dance with my silly chicken legs having my family laughing uncontrollably. 

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I have inherited my dad’s love of intellectual thinking, debates, writing, reading, his love of personal development topics…and also his nocuous longing to be reassured again and again and again that “everything will be ok.”  I have inherited his heartburn, the need to feel I have gotten my point across or I feel unsettled for the rest of the day, his agonizing mental health condition, his shyness, and his playfulness.

I see my little sister. We connect in uncanny ways. We both look at something that has absolutely nothing at all to do with something else but it somehow automatically reminds us both of that something else. We often *know* without a doubt what each other is about to say before it’s said. We have conversations like this:

Me: hey, remember whe….

Her: (laughing) yeah that day at the mall when…

Me: we had those Spring rolls and..

Her: they tasted the way a pony smells! 

Lol! We just know.

I see that one Christmas Eve when we ripped open my mom’s Christmas gift that my grand mom bought her that was not to be opened until Christmas day by my mom. But my sister and me just had to know what the gift was while my mom was fast asleep with visions of sugar plumbs dancing in her head. It was big warm, fluffy sweaters! We wore them all night long into Christmas morning laughing our heads off, bouncing off the walls, watching holiday music, listening to holiday cheer, drinking hot cocoa… We can be each other’s worst enemy but we can be each other’s best friend. My sister, my friend.

I see my dad’s grand mom who I have never met. She died before I came to be. My dad told me she had a strong powerful loving like no other.   I like to think I inherited that love. She couldn’t shower people in enough love. Sometimes I feel there aren’t enough people in this world for me to love. And I think of her.  She bought candy and toys for all her boys. She gave them shelter and comfort.  My dad says she always dreamed of having a sweet little girl of her own, a daughter or a granddaughter but all she ever got were boys.  He said she would have loved me so much. She never got her girl.  Sometimes my heart aches but I let her strong, potent message of love be my guide. I never even seen a picture of her but sometimes when I look into my eyes, I see her.  She never got the chance to be proud of me. But I can be the kind of girl she would be so proud of.

I see my mom’s dad. My grandfather I never got to meet. She said he was beautiful, caring, full of love & light. He died tragically young. But through the stories, I can feel the love he put into the world which he left too soon but his love still lingers.

I see my dad’s mom who I have met but can’t remember. She also died tragically soon. I heard she was extremely friendly and very sociable.

I see my father’s father who I hear died for love. He was hopelessly in love with a Japanese girl who went back to her own country without him and so he drank himself to death when he was 30 years old. Tragic & heartbreaking but what a passionate kind of love. I vow to love that way but still stand strong enough to handle rejection abandonment,  & heartbreak. 

I see all of the people who run through my blood today and everyday. The people who have been with me since I took my first breath and laid eyes on the world they brought me to and even before. I see their gifts, their struggles, their heartache, their hard lessons learned, their tears & their laughter. I see their joy and their will. I see what I want to be and what I don’t want to be.

I see the people who go way way back, the primitive people who led to me. I see a reflection of hope, perseverance, strength, and love.

I wish I could have met each and every one of them. But whenever I long to look into their eyes, I glare into my own. And I see them. I carry them with me everywhere, everyday.  

They survived many unimaginable things. And I will survive.

They gave me life. And while I can never repay or thank them. I can repay and thank the world.   By being the best me that I can be. Not a perfectionist who never fails. Not someone who is never wrong.   I will be wrong again & again but I will never go wrong with love.

I see the day I said to my mom “that happened long before I was ever even thought of!” & my mom said “You were never not thought of, I thought of you, loved you since I was a little girl myself and I always knew I wanted a little girl of my own.” My mom couldn’t have kids for so many years and was told maybe she never would and now here I am! And 10 years after me, my sister came along! 

And that man in the picture with me. I see him too.   When I look into my eyes. Uncle Al. We’re not related biologically but he loved me. I love him. I don’t  have many early memories.   But I remember him, vividly. I remember his love. I remember how funny he was. I remember how sarcastic and silly he would be. The way he would pretend to be angry then start laughing.  The small gifts he bought me, the smell of his car and the feel riding in it with sunlight streaming in.

It’s incredible how vivid those memories are, so profound, and true when I was so young. They are forever etched upon the premises of my being.  

Uncle Al.

I see us many years ago. Standing in a car parking lot on a bright & sunny day outside of a dollar store in Philadelphia, my city. I see me standing there. I see him walking out of the store with a big, warm, bright smile on his face waving a fan around in his hand with bunny rabbits on it. He looks at me, “Look what I bought for you, my love.”. Thrilled I run to him as he wraps me in his warm loving arms. He holds out the fan. I reach for it. He pulls it back just before I reach it. “Unnnccllee Alllll” I yell while giggling so hard.

I don’t remember when he died. He was just gone one day.

But I know…

His birthday is in May. Just like mine.

I remember he would fill his hands with coins and tell me if I can get his fingers open, I get to keep all the coins. My dad said when he was a little boy he did the same to him. We could never get his fingers open. But he let us keep the coins.

How blessed I am.
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I hope you realize how amazing it is that you are you! What are the chances! It took so much, so many things to occur & coincide for you to just turn out to be you!

Never get so used to yourself that you forget the true “miracle” you are.

Check this: http://zaborski.org/?p=20

Someone shared this with me for my 27th b day on Facebook. 

Xoxo Kim

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Even through the pain

I have been struggling a bit with depression (for no specific reason) and some tmjd issues which have been quite severe.

It’s unfortunate but true that depression makes a person feel utterly and desperately hopeless and even the positive and amazing things no longer thrill the person.

Sometimes depression can sap so much energy and strength and desire that nothing helps the person feel better at all.

I have gotten in the habit of dwelling on the positives and letting them impact me even when I’m deeply depressed.

Not too long ago when I would suffer a severe bout of depression very often nothing could affect me to make it lift a little. There was nothing I was able to consciously or intentionally do to help me see the light and help me see it through.

But I frequently have made it a point to focus on the greatness in life no matter my mood, good, bad, or desperately hopeless.

This has helped me more often to be able to see some glimmer of hope and spark of positivity even in my lowest depth of despair and pain.

Depression has a way of leading someone to become in the habit of being pessimistic and negative even when the depression lifts. The habit has already been formed and deeply ingrained. But remember a habit CAN be undone and changed.

One of the most incredible things that have helped me are the positive songs and websites/blogs I have come across.

Even when I don’t necessarily agree with every perspective of an author or creator of a blog or website, I still get the gist of the warm message being conveyed.

Here are some pages online that have had a tremendous and positive impact on me.

These are in no specific order:

 

1.) http://www.positive-focus.com

 

2.) http://www.positivelypositive.com/

 

3.) http://www.jonathanlockwoodhuie.com/

 

4.) http://www.enlightenedmessages.com/

 

5.) http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/hcontent.htm

 

Number 5 is an amazing e-book written by a psych. doctor!

 

6.) http://www.lifelonghappiness.com/welcome

 

7.) http://www.inspirationline.com/

 

These pages/blogs are amazing, uplifting, positive, and so helpful!

 

I have subscribed to all of them that have a subscribe option so every single day I open my e-mail inbox and it’s full of so much positivity & inspiration. I hope everyone else will also benefit by checking all of these out! ❤ 

:-D. Keep smiling and remember there’s always something to smile about. 

🙂