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Love.πŸ˜πŸ’œΒ πŸΎ

(Anishy & meπŸ’œ)

My job is working with mostly furry little kritters, mostly dogs and a good amount of cats. Every once in a while, I have a rabbit or guinea pig. I don’t really get to interact much with our human clients, mostly just their furry children. Occasionally, I do get to see people when they are home.

There is a dog I have developed a special friendship with. I knew her for over one year and we’re very close and have the sweetest friendship. (I feel so guilty that I get paid to be her friend lol But I would love her and take care of her even if I wasn’t getting paid!!) I stay with her for hours more than I have to. I love this little girl!! My little baby. She is so hilarious and adorable. I have so many belly laughs when we’re together. She is the most expressive doggy! Very vocal and has the funniest and cutest facial expressions. She isnt the kind of dog who loves everyone. She prefers to keep her circle small. Lol She doesn’t like anyone invading our space and thinks everyone should just back off. She has a protective spirit.

πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜πŸ˜™πŸ˜—

I visit her to walk her and play with her while her two mommies are at work and sometimes we have fun sleepovers together when her mommies go away overnight on vacations/business trips.

They’re two of the only human clients I get to see somewhat frequently. They are two of the kindest, warmest, most loving people I know!

Very sweet, friendly, happy, welcoming, loving, generous, and every other positive trait we can think of! They love their furbaby!! She is a spolied little princess! The love they express for her is more than I usually see people express for their dogs. The little girl couldn’t have found a more loving furever home. She has the best mommies!!

Anish & her mommies have bought me gifts for holidays and just for no reason. I meet lots & lots of kind, compassionate, beautiful people but once in a while I meet those who are beyond that, like them.

Recently, they did something incredibly sweet & kind for me just out of the blue. Totally unexpected!

Much of my job takes place outside in all kinds of weather. I walk dogs in snow blizzards, thunderstorms & lightening, 100 degree weather, 0 degree weather, and perfect weather, rain or shine, sleet, ice, I’m out in it (and love it!!).

One thing that I dont care much for is being soaked and not being able to get changed quickly. If im soaked and have more visits, I cant go home and if I bring dry clothes to change into, I get soaked again anyway. Wet clothes clinging to my body, can you say YUCK?! Lol

I never use umbrellas. They arent my cup of tea and anyway, when it’s windy or too stormy, they blow inside out & break. Umbrellas just really arent my thing.

Theres so many days I visited Anish, completely drenched and her mommies were home and felt sorry for me. Lol

They gave me towels and tried giving me umbrellas and expressed empathy/compassion for my discomfort.

Recently, when I got to their house to take care of their furbaby, they had the sweetest gift for me! A raincoat, rainpants, and a sweet note! But not just that! They bought a bunch of raincoats, various colors and styles, and let me choose the one I like best, and then the others would go back. And said if I liked none, they would take them all back and buy a few more to see if I liked any of those ones!

Isn’t that the sweetest?! No one has ever done anything like this for me! It never occurred to me to buy myself a raincoat and I dont have any money anyway! Lol

The one I chose is so pretty and sometimes looks light purple and sometimes gray, and has pockets with zippers & snaps, which is good for my phone!

I wear it in the snow/rainstorm and stay completely dry!

I kept telling them thank you, both in person as well as in writing, but not sure exactly how to express the depth of my gratitude! Not just for the practical help but for such a loving act!

They chose to go above & beyond for me and I’m very thankful for them bringing sunshine into my rainy days!

We never know just how deep an act of kindness can touch someone. Let’s keep those acts of kindness going no matter how “big” or “small” or how well we know someone. ❀

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim❀

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Today

(A pretty picture I took today – April 14th, 2018 but when I publish it, it will probably say April 15th because it’s nearly 10:00pm now)

“By effort and heedfulness, discipline, and self-mastery, let the wise one make for oneself an island which no flood can overwhelm.”

Today, I got onto an elevator for work. I could have taken the stairs but chose the elevator. I was on the 4th floor of the apartment building. Going back down, I felt that the doors were taking longer than they’re supposed to to open and guess what?! I felt not one ounce of fear!! Not one little flash of fear, anxiety, panic, nothing!! And did not even feel a sense of panic coming on or anticipate it like I often do. This is incredible progress! This has to be my greatest accomplishment in this life, ever!

In case anyone reading this is confused or it seems like no big deal, here is some background info. about my experience with phobic fear:

F.E.A.R

It actually freaking happened

Welcome to rock bottom-the only way now is up

Serendipitous Strength

Phobia.

It’s a big, big thing! I suffered another terrible relapse recently and now I healed it again and can get on elevators myself with no fear! I have been working hard to heal this phobia. It doesn’t always take long to heal a relapse. Phobias are weak, even though they feel extremely powerful, and they lose their power very easily when properly faced again & again.

“Unlike many other mental health problems, phobias can be brought under manageable control or even totally destroyed, sometimes within hours. This is a far cry from some of the medium- to long-term work which is required for other mental health issues. So the good news is that phobias are relatively easy to deal with, providing you have the correct knowledge, support and treatment plan, along with a determined and proactive attitude. In life there are many REAL problems, which we all have to contend with, so my view is that we should conserve our energy to tackle those by ridding ourselves of the UNREAL threats, which are the hallmarks of a phobia.” ~Patricia Furness-Smith

The way I am recovering mostly, is exposure in combination with Buddhist philosophy (that can apply to anyone at all, not just Buddhist people – see Dhamma quote above). Even without the meditation part (which is also great!), I find Buddhist philosophy so very helpful in healing my fear (and in general!).

The reason that this is such a big accomplishment is not the amount of work it takes or the duration of treatment but the amount of courage & strength it takes to face it. It is hard!!

I am working on not just recovering but building my mindset in a way to see elevators as a safe place, a place of comfort, a space where I experience a feeling of being embraced in warmth & safety, security (i know security is an illusion but dont mind feeling secure in a place I once felt seemingly unbearable terror and panic). I don’t just want to tolerate them and don’t want them to just be a mundane thing or task I have to perform. I aspire to come to seeing them as an opportunity for a few moments of simple joy or pleasure.

I may not be recovered just yet or my recovery may be shaky and at risk for relapse again. It’s new and not quite ingrained yet. But it will be and then evolve into something more. I feel that Im already inclined to view elevators as a warm, cozy, safe place. Why not? They are safe for the most part. In there, alone, I am protected against the dangers of the world. I can feel that to some degree but not in great depth yet. Im working on it!

This is my goal!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Much love & light, always,

Xoxo Kim

Spring. 🌸🐞🐿

There are signs of spring appearing all around, assuring me that the natural world is re-awakening, despite the fact that it does not yet feel like spring.

There are still piles of snow on the ground and icicles hanging from the roof tops, and the overnight temp last night was a cool 15 degrees!

But in spite of what feels like winter’s final, desperate cling, there are buds sprouting on the trees, hundreds of birds returning to the garden, newborn ducklings, squirrels aplenty, and, perhaps, the most awe-inspiring sign has been the visits of two bald eagles, who have been flying overhead, right over my backyard at dusk each night, perhaps nesting in a special spot nearby!”

This is something I received in an e-mail through a soulfulliving.com subscription, written by Valerie. I was going to share my photo above, on Instagram, and caption it, “Spring is in the air!” Then I realized today actually is the first day of Spring here. I totally did not realize til someone told me lol

It sure doesn’t feel like Spring; it’s freezing cold and we’re having a snow blizzard. I love it! But also love Spring weather & am so happy for the impending Springy weather and everything that comes along with it.

This beautiful piece, I shared above, by Valerie, inspires me and is a beautiful reminder of how inspiring nature is.

I have been struggling a bit with lower back pain. It’s not chronic pain; it’s only temporary (at least I hope so!) but it does tend to get quite severe every now & again. Sometimes I can’t reach for things and it throbs whether I’m sitting, standing, or laying and occasionally I get just very little to no relief. It is difficult because I work with dogs! So it’s kind of hard managing back pain & physical limitations with a bunch of furballs jumping all over me and pulling me. Lol

At some points, I found it difficult to have an interest in anything because the pain consumes me. It’s definitely not the worst pain I ever felt and generally, it’s not unbearable. Pain of any sort or any level isnt fun though! I’m also sick and exhausted. Im laying in bed now half sleeping but still managing to think & write. Lol

For about two months, I have worked seven days a week(I generally work seven days a week and love it but have been working many, many more hours than usual), some days, 24 hours(overnight), morning til night. Some days I was out for work at 6 something in the morning til around 10:00pm. I LOVE the job. This much physical work really takes a toll on the body though. My poor body needs a break. It has been under a tremendous amount of stress. (At least it’s work that I love though)

As Valerie states in her message, it doesn’t feel like Spring. It’s cold, snowy, icy…but there are signs of Spring everywhere, still blooming through the harsh Wintery weather. Spring blooms and life blossoms are around. Snow, ice, cold, Winter, doesn’t hinder it.

I am reminded that we can do the same. We can blossom, keep going, and let our beauty bloom all around straight through the pain, stress, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, grief…or whatever other struggles we may currently be experiencing.

We can channel that inner-spring and unleash it, sending it out into the uni-verse to lift everyone around us. Look for all the little gems of beauty we can find, all the flowers, acts of kindness, butterflies, animals, smiles, hugs, laughs, pretty colors, inspirational quotes, uplifting social media/blog posts, the love of a pet, a favorite song or food, the feel of soft blankets, the fragrance of flowers, food, coffee, cookies baking….any little bit of beauty…these are the things to focus on, to dwell on, to embrace.

I’m happy to share this soulfulliving message here along with my experience and hope others can be inspired also, to keep going & appreciate all the simple joys of living.

We all have an inner-spring just waiting to be embraced & unleashed!

Much love & light, & hugs!!

Xoxo KimπŸ’πŸ’š

My Endless Love❀

“…and your eyes
Your eyes, your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Ooh yes, you will always be
My endless love.”❀

Last year I got to spend Valentine’s Day with this lil baby. His name is Quincy. He got sick and died a few months ago but he’ll always be my endless love. I did not get to see him frequently and I cherished (and still cherish) every moment we shared together. He lived in a nursing home with his daddy and I used to walk him sometimes. He was so sweet & adorable and a lil porker. Sometimes he was mischievous and would run out into the hallway when he wasn’t supposed to. He knew how to get back to his room after we got back inside the building and stepped off the elevator. He knew his way around better than I did. He was never snappy and always sweet. He let me pick him up. I would take him to the park and he had so many friends there. Everyone, everywhere loved him. He got endless compliments.

Last year, on Valentine’s Day, they were having a big Valentine’s Day party for the nursing home residents. All the old people were dressed up and dancing to this song.

Endless Love – Lionel Richie/Diana Ross

How cute!

I miss & love Quincy and am so thankful our lives crossed. His death still knocks the wind out of me. It was so unexpected. He just got sick overnight. My heart completely broke when my boss told us.

But my love is more powerful than the pain of the loss. Quincy was around eleven years old I think. And he lived a very happy life and was surrounded by so much love.

In loving memory of sweet Quincy baby…πŸ’˜β€

Xoxo Kim

Love is never lost❀

“All this time, I had hoped and prayed for a miracle. Maybe I’d missed it. Maybe the real miracle was all around me. Perhaps the greatest miracle of all was that I could let her go and never lose her. Why? I don’t know. I don’t think God explains why. Not because he isn’t listening or because he doesn’t care. But perhaps because the reasons don’t make sense. Not now, anyway. When Lazarus died, Christ didn’t tell his sisters everything would be all right. It wasn’t. Lazarus was dead and they were in pain. Christ knew Lazarus would live but he didn’t belittle his friends’ grief. He didn’t try to explain it away. He didn’t try to dry their tears. He wept with them. He loved them. It’s in that love that I trust now.” ❀

Warning – Spoiler alert about a movie I watched, called Charley! This is a quote in the movie that I shared above. It’s about a Morman man who falls in love with a girl who is very unlike the kind of girl he always thought of as his dream girl. He always thought he wanted a simple, predictable woman. A woman who is reserved and grew up religious, one who is “safe” and cautious like himself.

Then he meets Charley and she’s anything but predictable. She’s loud and funny and spontaneous. She’s outgoing and skeptical. He never knows what shes going to say or do next.

Here is the spoiler.

I was in the mood for a lighthearted, funny romantic comedy, which is what this movie is at first. Then it turns dark out of nowhere. It was completely unexpected. In the description it says nothing about a tragedy which occurs towards the end. I won’t completely give it away but the man suffers a great loss. At first he will not accept it. He outright refuses. He denies. He screams, cries, sobs, yells in anger, throws things. He has a breakdown and cannot understand why his god would allow him to experience such a tragedy. He prays & prays for what he thinks is the biggest miracle.

And it never happens. His prayer is not answered how he desperately hoped it would be. At first, he cannot bear his devastating loss. Then he realizes that when we love someone, even when that someone dies, we don’t lose that love. Love is forever.

I love the message about non-attachment. Even though I’m not a Mormon or woman of any kind of religious faith where they believe in a god, I find that this message resonates with me on a deep level.

Perhaps the greatest miracle of all was that I could let her go and never lose her.

We can let go of those we love when we have to and still not lose that love we share with them. We will love & lose as long as we live, humans & nonhumans, friends, family, pets…and it will be extremely painful but we will go on and carry that love with us, always.

Also, I love the message about Jesus letting his friends grieve, weep, and cope with their terrible loss, without trying to make everything ok, without invalidating their pain, without any kind of platitudes. He just lets them be and shares their pain. I understand someone can argue that Jesus could have prevented this death or just healed their grief with his special powers….but that isn’t my point here.

Im not looking at this with a religious point of view as I am not a believer in this sort of thing. I’m just looking at it as a story with an inspiring aspect to it. This is a great way to be to others. To let them live their experiences without trying to change them or make things ok that can never be ok. No matter how positive we are and how happy we will be later, some things just aren’t ok to some people at this moment no matter what someone says or does. Suffering a devastating loss of someone close to us, human or nonhuman, may just never seem ok. And it may be better in some cases to let someone grieve, weep, suffer…how that person has to before moving forward into healing.

In this story, Jesus cried along with them. Sometimes maybe all someone needs is for us to sit close and share that pain.

What an inspiring movie. It is a religious movie but I also see a deeper message that even a “non-believer,” like myself, can be inspired by if we allow our mind to be open. The deeper message can resonate with us whether we are religious or not. It’s about how life can still be beautiful even after loss or other unpleasant experiences and how Love never truly is lost.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Much love & light & hugs!❀

Xoxo Kim

Morning stroll with my baby❀

This is my best friend & me on our morning walk yesterday! She is the sweetest girl! I love her to pieces! She is so deeply loving and so full of life. She loves to lounge around for snuggles and also loves to run around and play! She has a toybox full of toys and looks through it to see which toy looks good to play with at the moment. Too cute for words!

A lot of people are scared of her because she’s a big girl and very expressive and not social with humans or other dogs in general. She’s not a universal lover & only loves certain people. But once we have her heart, her love is boundless. I can just feel the love all around her when I’m with her. ❀ She has the best loving furever home and the best mommies who love her completely. She’s a spoiled lil Princess!

I love her more than I love this life itself! She’s not mine but I love her just the same. I take care of her for her mommies while they’re at work and sometimes we have fun sleepovers together!πŸ’œ She’s my heart & soul!

She loves barking/jumping at the furballs across the street and I was telling her “no doggies.” Lol And like I mentioned on Instagram when I shared the video, I’m not six years old; I just sound like I am. Lol

Much love & light,

Xoxo KimπŸ’œ