Tag Archive | joy

Aesthetic Attraction πŸ₯°πŸ’‹

Me! πŸ–€

She’s A Bad Mama Jama (She’s Built, She’s Stacked) πŸ’š

“She’s poetry in motion
Beautiful sight to see
I get so excited
Viewing her anatomy” πŸ’œ

Fun fact about me: I have a very strong aesthetic attraction to women, always have. Only women, both trans and cis. In case anyone is not sure what trans & cis are: A trans woman(SHE/HER – unless she states otherwise) is a person who has a body that is considered to be the body of a male(has male sexual organs) and has the gender identity/mind of a female. When they are open about it/choose to act on/express their gender identity, they often transition to whichever degree they choose(clothing, hormones, surgery…all or any of these and maybe other things) and look just like cis women look. A cis woman(SHE/HER -unless she states otherwise) is what most women are, a person who has the body of a female(female sexual organs) and also the gender identity/mind of a female and often look the way trans women who transition look. Trans and cis women are equally women no matter what organs we have or don’t have. This goes without saying but some people need to be reminded.

And sometimes, I have the aesthetic attraction to non-binary people(these are people who have any sexual organs but do not necessarily have the gender identity of a male or a female – they may have aspects of both or be agender and not have female or male aspects or some[not all] can feel male sometimes and later female or later feel agender – it’s not a choice and is valid even if it were a choice…these are just a couple examples of non-binary; there may be more and often non-binary people identify as THEY/THEM but it’s important to ask if we do not know -if unsure, asking anyone “What are your pronouns?” is completely acceptable and appropriate even someone who looks like a traditional/typical woman or man. And it’s not offensive to trans people; it is appreciated and welcome and encouraged) with strong or slight physical feminine features.

But my attraction is to female beauty and this includes women who have masculine features but still look like women.

Not any specific size, weight, age, skin color, ethnicity, long hair, short hair, no hair…just women in all of the diversity. Some more than others. It’s not a shallow or objectification thing and not sexual or romantic. Purely aesthetic. Like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or a brilliant work of art but even more inspiring and joyful.

It’s not just asexual people(those who experience little to no sexual attraction – it’s a rare & valid sexual orientation) who experience aesthetic attraction; anyone of any sexual orientation can to anyone of any gender. I met a heterosexual/straight woman online, years ago, who, like me, also has a strong aesthetic attraction to women only. She is sexually and romantically attracted to men but she finds women more pleasing to look at and goes out of her way to look.

“An essence of beauty
Ooo, such lovely hair
She’s foxy, classy
Oh, sexy sassy
She’s heavenly
A treat for the eye to see” πŸ’œ

I did not always know that’s what it is but always have known I am intensely drawn to the physical/aesthetic beauty of women and that it is not sexual/romantic. Then I learned about aesthetic attraction, which often comes with sexual attraction but the two can be separated and one can be without the other. Aesthetic attraction is loving how someone or something looks. It can be to an individual person or thing or to the kind in general. In my case, it’s women in general but stronger for some than others.

Some women are so beautiful to me, it’s like a feeling of intoxication, like when I see beautiful flowers blooming all over in the Spring under a blue, blue sky, but even more so when I see a woman.

Sometimes it’s even enough to pull me right out of a low mood, even lifting layers of a depressive episode, even pulling me out of a suicidal state if I’m in one. Not always but it does happen.

I remember many years ago, on college campus, I was depressed and suicidal and walked to Starbucks and got into the line when in front of me, I noticed an incredibly beautiful woman with long hair; she turned around and her beauty took my breath away and also literally pulled me out of my suicidal state and lifted layers of my depression. I was still depressed but less and no longer suicidal.

Like I said, this does not always happen; I can see a woman just as beautiful and it doesn’t pull me out of it or I maybe could have seen the same woman a different depressed day and not have been pulled out of it. But something about the physical beauty of a woman has a profound effect on my brain and mood and the potential to lift me to extreme elevated states no matter what my mood is already.

Even looking at myself in a mirror! lol Another day, I was depressed and suicidal, one of the worst I have ever been, and happened to look up and see my reflection in a store window, my depression was not lifted but my suicidal state was and I was able to cope better with the severe depression. I wasn’t suicidal anymore. And it wasn’t just like I liked how I look and decided I want to live, it was whatever physical effect the female physique/form/beauty has on my brain. There is probably a scientific explanation or something about how pleasing visual things can affect our mood/mental state and since women are very, very aesthetically pleasing to me, seeing us, impacts my brain like that.

There have been other days I was depressed and suicidal and looked at myself in a mirror or in pictures and it lifted my depressed and/or suicidal state. But not alway; some occasions I have looked at myself and it doesn’t lift my mood. And it’s not a discriminate thing when I see myself and it lifts a depressed mood. It’s not because it’s me and I like how I look. It’s the fact that I’m looking at a woman who I see as physically beautiful. It could just as well be a stranger. It does happen when I look at strangers, both in person and in pictures.

And if I’m not depressed at all and very happy, looking at a woman still lifts me, and the impact can last for days. One day, I was already very happy (I usually am happy) and I saw a stunning young woman with very long, brown hair and a belly shirt, smiling, holding hands with a man; I hardly noticed him but her beauty lifted me in this amazing way like seeing the beautiful sun rising over the city skyline or seeing flowers blossoming everywhere in the beginning of Spring but even more powerful. This feeling lasted a week just seeing her that briefly. It doesn’t always last that long but sometimes does, long after the woman is out of view, even days later. Some other “things” can do this for me too, like flowers for example. But not to the same depth. I put “things” in quotations because women are not things; flowers are. The word “other” implies that women are things and I wasnt sure how else to put it. Buildings also. But nothing like a pretty girl.

Recently, there were people arguing, blowing things up, yelling, some military looking police I have never seen before recently, with large guns drawn in the middle of Philadelphia, felt like being in the middle of a warzone, like somethig right out of a history book or war movie, negative things in the media and just a general feeling of heaviness and hopelessness then I noticed a beautiful young woman with long, wavy orange hair walking up the street, in a white, flowery sundress, holding hands with a man, and she had the biggest, brightest smile and sparkling eyes. A light in all this darkness. Again, I did not notice him. Her beauty overshadowed everything else. All of a sudden, the heaviness and hopeless feeling in the air was gone and everything in the world was momentarily right. Her physical beauty along with the joy and happiness radiating, filled me with joy and inspiration. I can tell she is beautiful on the inside too, positive energy surrounding her.

Later, the heavy feeling returned and I had this almost unbearable migraine-like headache then I remembered her and smiled.

It reminds me to smile even more and keep my energy positive. We never know who is looking and being affected for better or worse!

Also, the aesthetic attraction is stronger when they have clothes on. lol I see pics people share of some women with no clothes on and don’t mind at all but I noticed I prefer them with clothes. I also prefer them in non-sexual situations/positions. I have nothing against the pics where they are expressing their sexuality in explicit ways but I love the ones where they aren’t, more. When I was a kid, I did used to sneak playboy magazines in my dad’s workplace that the men had in there, to see all the lovely girls in swimsuits and things, but they were clothed to some degree and standing alone. Before the internet became more advanced/popular, I used to spend hundreds of dollars on magazines just to see the pretty girls plastered all over the pages. I hardly even read them, just looked. The inspiration it would fill me with is indescribable. Not inspiration to do anything, just a general feeling of inspiration throughout my being.

Like walking through a museum of beautiful sculptures but more joyous.

I would also take hundreds of pictures of myself(still do! lol) just to look at them and feel that inspiration and intoxication and joy. Sometimes it brightens my day just to look at a picture of myself.

Now I follow thousands of fashion and makeup instagram accounts to look at all those beauties. My newsfeed is full of beautiful women.

Again, it’s not objectification. I know a woman is much more than just looks and also inner beauty is more important! But that doesn’t lessen my joy and inspiration, looking at us!

And the aesthetic attraction isn’t just to real women but can be something that looks like a woman. Like a mannequin. It gives me that same intoxicated/joyous/inspired feeling as a real woman if it’s beautiful and realistic enough. Some mannequins are just scary. lol One day, again, I was depressed(I’m not always depressed! lol I have episodes and waves here and there) and saw a mannequin that has the realistic body of a woman (I don’t think it even had a head) and was in a store window wearing pretty clothes and stilletos and it just lifted me. I was about on the verge of becoming suicidal and the mannequin stopped it right in its tracks. Thanks!

This is not the mannequin I saw but another sexy one! And this is not my photo; it’s a screencap. ❀ It’s the first “plus-sized” mannequin for this company, NIKE, I think.

Anyway, so there we have it! A fun (and creepy) fact about me!

Aesthetic attraction is not a choice but even if I could choose it, I would! I’m thankful I turned out to have this kind of attraction to women because women are such lovely creatures! And thankful to have the aesthetic attraction without the romantic and sexual attraction because that would probably be distracting and I like experiencing the pure, raw joy of the aesthetic pleasure without the distraction and dilution of the sexual/romantic. Also, aesthetic attraction has a “no strings attached” kind of way about it. I just want to look, not touch or be touched, or want anything in return or want a mutual feeling. I don’t even necesssarily want to be noticed back. I am fulfilled and content just seeing a beautiful woman walk by me on the street then never again. Just that can lift me for a week! Maybe more!

Not always but usually people who experience sexual and romantic attraction want it back in return and like want to touch and stuff. lol! No thanks; I’m good with just looking. What a blessing to have this gift. I don’t mind seeing men or people who do not have feminine physical features, of course! I am just not aesthetically attracted to them.

There are some men I find to be exceptionally good looking but still do not bring me the aesthetic pleasure anywhere near to the same extent a woman can. And it doesn’t happen very often. I have the aesthetic attraction to women in general everyday; for men, it’s seldom individual cases and to a much lesser degree.

Whenever I do find men to be aesthetically pleasing, they are usually African American or “big”/have extra weight. Not always though. For women, there is no skin color/ethnicity/size that usually stands out as most pleasing to me. It’s equal all the way around.

In that comedy movie “John Tucker Must Die,” (lol) the one boy is like girl crazy and likes a new girl at school and his brother told him that he doesn’t think she is his brother’s type and the brother responded something like “GIRL is my type.” lol

Sounds about right!

And I admit, I am not completely educated on the appropriate/respectful way to talk/write about things relating to trans people. I for sure know about using the appropriate pronouns!! But if I write/say something that comes off as disrespectful/inappropriate, it’s only because I am not yet educated. I’m working on it. I am 100% in support of ALL trans people!!

So please correct me if anything here or any post can be worded better. To not, respectfully, call us out on it does a disservice to us all. We are trying to have an all inclusive, understanding society, who celebrates and promotes diversity and is respectful of all, and it starts with educating each other and our own self.

Some people are just careless and some are actually trying to be total assholes but I am not!!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! And hope you are surrounded in beauty in any of its forms. ❀

xoxo Kim πŸ’š

Baby❀

I haven’t posted here in a while and decided to update. Here is a pic of my (somewhat) new baby, Ralphie! He came to live with us a couple months ago. He is a happy, playful boy and slobbers a lot & gives lots of kisses! He loves humans & animals.

Isn’t he just adorable?!❀❀❀

I would like to start posting more here again! My photo space is getting full. I’ll have to start paying to get more!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!πŸ’š

Xoxo KimπŸΎβ€πŸ’œ

Snow Day!!!β˜ƒοΈβ„β›„πŸΎ

(Best friends❀)

Today is a snow day here in Philadelphia! What a gift to experience all this cold, white wet stuff! 😍😁 And to have a job where I get to be out in it all day & night! Yippee!! β„β˜ƒοΈβ›„β˜”πŸŒ‚πŸΎπŸΎπŸΎ

Here are some videos & pictures of my day here in Philadelphia in the midst of a sweet mini snow blizzard! These are my work babies you see in the videos/pictures. I’m a pet nanny. ❀ I love my furballs!😻

πŸπŸ‚β˜•

Lol Blurry but look at that face!😍

This beautiful girl is a senior pet but has the spirit of a puppy! Unstoppable! She gets younger & younger!πŸ’œ

Pawprints on my heart🐾❀

Looks beautiful blowing in the gentle wind. Soothing & peaceful.

Tell me this isn’t the absolute cutest face you ever saw in the history of ever!!😍😍😍 I love to kiss this adorable face(and paws!)!

All of these pictures & videos, I took today. Perfect day!! β›„β˜ƒοΈβ„β€πŸ˜

Unfortunately, it’s not perfect for everyone though. There were lots & lots & lots of accidents all around the city. Some school children did not get home til after 6:00pm because school busses got stuck. Poor things. I did not hear of any fatalities and desperately hope there were none. Lots of inconveniences though. My love goes out to all having a not so perfect day for any reason. ❀ It doesn’t help anyone much but in the midst of my good fortune, I stop to think of those experiencing not good things. ❀❀❀

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! πŸ’›

Xoxo Kim

Joy & Pain β€β€πŸ’”❀

This isn’t my good news but someone else’s! I want to share because I’m so happy & thankful even though it isn’t to do with me or anyone close to me. A girl I went to school with when we were kids, her dad is friend’s with my dad and her mom was very sick recently. She had cancer and things were not looking good. She received her last treatment last month or the one before and was just tested again and the disease is completely gone!! So amazing! I’m flooded with relief and overwhelmed in gratitude. She was so sick and in pain and is now completely better!

Also, her daughter just had a baby so now they have a new addition to celebrate with. I don’t know them well but we are friends on social media and once in a while I see her posts.

My sweet eleven year old pitbull girl died a couple weeks ago, unexpectedly and it’s devastating & shattering and the house feels so dead and empty even though I have other pets. She was so big and had a big personality. We adopted her over nine years ago. The lack of her presence seems unbearable. I never experienced worse pain. I would have taken her place if I could so that she can go on living her happy life. But she was a good age for a dog, especially a large one, to live to. I knew the day would eventually come, just not this soon. β€πŸ’”β€

(My beautiful baby, Isis Summerjo ❀)

It’s good to read happy news in the midst of my grief. πŸ’ž

The world is full of joy & pain, negativity & positivity, laughter & tears, light & darkness, good & bad, hatred & love….and we can choose which to focus on the most. I choose the light, the happy, the positive, the love!

My love goes out to everyone in your happy situation or devastating situation. In your goodness, I celebrate with you, even if just in spirit, and in your sadness, I embrace you. β€πŸ’—

Much love & light,

Xoxo

Kim

So, so thankful!!!❀

Best news ever!! This lil baby was found alive & well and is now back with his family! I’m just posting this to express my gratitude that he was found alive, not hurt, and is back home. There are dogs who aren’t so lucky. He lives right where I do. I never met him or heard of him til he got lost. Since he was found and is back home, I blocked out the phone number in case they don’t want their number online now. That’s what that weird thing is where it says to call. Lol Instead of blurring it, it added letters or something. I kept hoping and hoping he would be found alive & returned home. I’m filled with deep gratitude that that’s the reality. The fact that he was running towards the highway concerned me. He is a four year old Boston Terrier. Look at that adorable face!! How sweet!! I thought he was a French Bulldog! I’m usually good at identifying dog breeds but I get Frenchies & Bostons mixed up a lot. Also, im not sure why they refer to their own dog as an “it.”

???

But he’s back home!!😍

Have any good news to share?? Let me know!! I love to celebrate the goodness all around!❀

(P.s. let’s remember to check leashes, collars, harnesses, doors…and make sure they are secure! We don’t want those babies getting away!)

Xoxo Kim

Fly Eagles Fly!!! πŸˆπŸ’šπŸˆπŸ’š

In honor of our big win tonight I’m sharing a couple cute pics (n a couple of me lol) & some quotes!

Here is a little Eagles fan, Ellie! πŸ˜™πŸ˜š

And here is a girl I’m spending the night with:

Her name is Brownie. They are both sweet pitbull mixes.

It’s like New Year here but even more festive; there’s people screaming hysterically with instruments and fireworks and tear gas and confetti and all kinds of stuff! There’s police cars as well. How thrilling!

“Beware of the underdog”

“Stand up for the underdog, the ‘loser.’ Sometimes having the strength to show loving support for unacknowledged others turns the tides of our own lives.” πŸ’œ

“We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog because we see ourselves in them.”❀

“Songwriting and poetry are so commonly birthed from underdogs because one can make even the ugliest situations admirable, or more beautiful than the beautiful situations – they are the most graceful media in which the lines of society are distorted.” πŸ’šπŸ’œ

🏈

I hope you are having a beautiful & safe (!!!)day or night wherever in the world you are!

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim πŸ’š

Joy❀

“I saw Sorrow
holding a cup of pain.
I said, hey sorrow,
sorry to see you this way.
What’s troubling you?
What’s with the cup?
Sorrow said,
what else can I do?
All this Joy that you have brought to the world has killed my business completely.”

Some ways to bring joy to the world:

1.) Acts of kindness

2.) Smile

3.) Give thanks for all the good no matter how small/trivial it seems

4.) Breathe deeply

5.) Let things go

6.) Listen to happy songs

7.) Be surrounded in cheerful or calming colors whenever possible

8.) Share uplifting quotes to inspire others

9.) Read inspiring books/blogs/writings

10.) Engage in activities that inspire happiness or calming effects

11.) Hug dogs/cats

12.) Forgive self & others ❀

13.) Be a safe space for others, active listening, without negative judgment, ridicule, selfish expectations, unsolicited suggestions

14.) Watch the sun setting and/or rising

15.) Do something random & fun!πŸ˜†

16.) Buy a gift for self!πŸ’™

17.) Be mindful of right now and go with the flow without judging even if our current experience seems unpleasant

18.) Watch a fun comedy movie/tv show

19.) Go above & beyond to help someone, friend, family, stranger, coworker, neighbor, boss, enemy…

20.) Get fixed up, bring out expensive kitchen utensils and things reserved for special occasions….just because, even when alone. Every moment we’re alive is a special occasion!

I hope you’re having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!β€πŸ’–πŸ’—πŸ’™πŸ’šπŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’πŸ’žβ£

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

New furbabyβ™‘

Omg!! Can you handle the cuteness?! My heart melts! β™‘ This is baby Ellie. She’s a baby I took care of today while her family was out for a few hours. She has puppy breath!! I love that scent! And she doesn’t know how to go up & down steps yet! I had to carry her! 

She was giving me a bunch of kisses the second she met me and was jumping all over me playing and took my shoe, which is just about bigger than she is, and was running through the house with it! 

It’s so adorable how just a couple months ago this little life wasn’t even thought of, now all of a sudden, here she is, in the world, giving endless kisses and so much love! β™‘ I’m totally in love! How adorable! She’s a pitbull/chocolate lab mix.

So I’m just sharing her hoping she brightens your day or night like she brightened mine! β™‘β™‘β™‘ πŸ˜€

Can anyone look at this little girl and not smile?! 

 Much love & light to you & I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! β™‘

~Hugs~

Xoxo Kim 

Summer Loveβ™‘

Summer is my least favorite season. Excessive heat tends to get me more than any other extreme weather. Also, Summer themes (beach, vacations, bbqs, pools…) just don’t appeal to me as much as Fall & Winter themes (holidays, pumpkins, snow, hot chocolate…). For work, i have to be outside for much of the day, everyday, which can contribute to it being easier to see the unpleasant side of Summer. So I decided to focus on the goodness of Summer and list all the things I love about it!

Here goes!

1.) Waiting for a bus is much easier (in my opinion) when it’s very hot than very cold. It’s hard to be still in bitter cold weather.

2.) It’s often more pleasant to sit in a park on a hot Summer day than a freezing cold Winter day. As I said above, it’s hard to be still when it’s extremely cold. Also, I love the sounds of the birds and people and dogs in the park all around me.

3.) All the beautiful people and animals out & about on a warm Summer day. I love being surrounded by all the living things.

4.) The insects, birds…. I love all the butterflies and fireflies and other beautiful creatures all around.

5.) Walking by cafes and restaurants with outside tables and seeing all the people happy & laughing together.

6.) Flowers & plants & trees with green leaves!

7.) The feel of walking into an air conditioned building after being out in the heat.

8.) The feel of stepping out of a freezing cold air conditioned building into a lovely summer day. The heat feels so welcoming then.

9.) Tropical scents

10.) Gentle summer breezes

11.) Crickets churring at night

12.) Suntans! I love getting a natural tan walking in the sunlight!

13.) Carnivals!

14.) Cold showers

15.) It eventually ends & gives way to Fall!Β 

 

So here are a few of my favorite things about Summer!!

It’s always great to focus on the bright side. And there’s always a bright side! If not, create one! Think of something you don’t care for or something that just isn’t your favorite then list the good things that still exist about it or the positive things as a result of it. This strengthens our mind to develop or maintain a positive attitude. It’s also so uplifting to list the good.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!Β 

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim


Happy boobs πŸ˜β€πŸ˜€

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Lol! The Boobs scarf I have been telling you about! Isn’t it cute & so funny?!Β 

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Anyway I have lots of catching up to do here! I plan to get back to posting everyday or almost everyday again! I havent been posting here much but I have been working on posts and have a few older drafts I never posted yet! I got a new job! Working with animals! Aww! I don’t get any days off (not even weekends or holidays) but my new boss tries to get me a break on sunday afternoons n nights. Except tomorrow I do have work all mornin’, noon, & night. It’s a holiday n no one probably wants to come in. But animals need luvin’ on holidays n weekends too! I’m up at 8:00 each morning & work til about 6:00pm-8:00pm. Much of my days consist of traveling the city (walking, bus, subways…I dont drive). One thing is for sure. No one can call me lazy and be serious about it! I have been working A LOT and with two injured ankles. But my chronic physical pain & my episodic depression\depressive symptoms (for the most part)have been very good! ❀ And I just love my sweet furkins! 😍 You ever hear of work that doesnt feel like work? This is it! I love my job!!! ❀ I love my coworkers\managers\boss!Β 

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That’s us! ❀ My new work family! I’m the girl in pink! # 3 in the row left to right. 😍 aww Much love & light to you & lots of hugs!! ❀

xoxo Kim