I don’t know of anyone who never ever does anything wrong or never has done something to hurt another or hurt her/himself.
I don’t know of anyone who is perfect in everyone’s eyes and has a one hundred percent clean conscience because of never doing a thing wrong.
Just like life itself, each one of us is made up of good and bad, happy and sad, wonder and stagnation, positivity & negativity.
Whatever you have done or said or felt….there is hope for you. It doesn’t make you a horrible person.
There are some things I have done or even just thought or felt and then have felt extreme guilt, remorse, or fear of what people would think if they found out I did that or thought that or felt that way.
Guilt can be a very unpleasant, wretched, horrifying feeling that can torment a person for so long.
The feeling that you can and should be better but just never are, the feeling of regret, the feeling that it’s too late now to start over or that there’s no hope, can nag and torture you endlessly.
Please, go easy on yourself. You’re not a monster!
And there IS hope!
Maybe you lied to someone who trusted you deeply, carelessly or intentionally hurt someone, maybe you were arrested or committed a criminal act without getting caught, gossiped, started drama, yelled, lost your temper, blew off a social invitation, let someone down, insulted someone, did something selfish, wasted money, stole something, told an offensive joke, made someone cry, maybe you drink too much coffee or alcohol, maybe you smoke too much, maybe you don’t feel like the best mother or father, maybe you have struggled with some sort of addiction, maybe you drove your car recklessly, maybe you yelled at other drivers or cursed someone out, had an abortion, got a divorce or 10 divorces, broke someone’s heart, did not help someone who needed help, dropped out of school, don’t have a lot of money, are homeless, crashed your car, maybe you’re too loud for some people or maybe too quiet, maybe you wanted to go out and have fun or just sleep instead of taking care of someone who needed you, maybe you’re promiscuous, sick, fatigued often, maybe you binge and purge and starve….
But this stuff doesn’t define you.
You are a person as a whole. A lot of parts and aspects all put together to make a beautiful WHOLE person. You are not just the bad or the painful. You don’t have to like or promote or be proud of all the painful things you did but you can be proud of how you handle them and overcome them and let them strengthen you and better you.
Let the pain make you better, not bitter.
In this life of mine:
For the first four years of college, I hardly opened my textbooks that my mom and dad spent hundreds and hundreds and thousands upon thousands of dollars on, I procrastinated with assignments until the very morning they had to be in, even 10 page essays, I got f’s and almost got thrown out of college, I was late everyday, I spent lots of money splurging on myself buying unnecessary things knowing my mom needed the money to pay bills, I have told lies to get myself out of trouble instead of admitting what I did, I sent a friend who wasn’t being a good friend, a list of insults about herself when I was angry, I have been too shy on some occasions to reach out to people, I made thoughtless and big mistakes at work which got me in trouble and could have cost me my job, I wasn’t able to pay back my student loans, when I was a girl of 21 years, I maxed out three credit cards like I just won one million dollars, I have terrible credit, I procrastinate, I get angry, I get depressed, I tried to kill myself, I have been dangerously suicidal for many, many years, I was hospitalized with depression and psychosis, I drink too much soda, I think songs with lots of cursing are funny, I have misjudged people and I’m sure I will again, I like risqué jokes and send them to my mom just to tick her off, I have been two faced, I have been jealous of other girls for various reasons, I have attempted to make other girls jealous of me
, I have been a snitch, I have been sneaky, I have cursed my life and wanted to die, I have envied the dead, I can be lazy, I make messes and don’t always clean them up right away, I spill stuff and leave it for a while, I leave old food around and my mom gets mad, I live with my mom and dad, I’m disorganized, I never had a “real” job, I have gotten revenge on people when I could have just let it go, I stole out of a store, I have made mental lists of the things I can say to people who have made me angry, to make them feel low about themselves, me, along with another girl, have destroyed a girl’s phone when she was not around because she was messing with us, I have spread vicious gossip about a girl to seek revenge on her…..
and there will be more to come because this life isn’t over! I will continue to make mistakes and do things and think things that aren’t the best because that’s how it is.
Now read my above list! If that’s all you knew, what would you think of me?
That I’m horrible? A monster? A vicious girl? A wreck? Uncivilized? Just not that great?
But in this life…..
I am also very loving, extremely empathetic, caring for all living things, I love to see people win , cannot stand seeing people suffer, don’t like disappointing people, am generally very honest and not sneaky, am true and real, a very loyal friend, not negatively gossipy, go out of my way to help and expect nothing in return, plan to pay back all my credit cards and student loans when I can, I want a counseling job helping people, love meeting new people, having friends, love oldies music and love songs, sappy love songs, romantic comedies, uplifting music, very easily amused, light hearted, accepting, open minded, very forgiving, usually don’t hold grudges, trusting and open, almost never thoughtless and almost never intentionally or carelessly hurt people in anyway, not a backstabber, not vengeful in general, love country music, very positive, love to inspire and be inspired, take on the world’s pain, bask in the success of others even when I don’t feel very successful myself, filled with gratitude, have a passionate love and zest for life, full of life, not negatively judgmental in general, easy to get along with even when we have passionate opposing views, want the best for everyone, can easily keep people’s secrets, love to help people, console, hug, uplift, brighten people’s days…..
Now what if you just seen this above description? You wouldn’t really know anything bad and some people may think I don’t do anything wrong or bad. But the truth is, I am all different things together. I have made mistakes and will again. Just like you.
Forgive yourself. You deserve to be accepted for your good and your bad side. You deserve to be accepted and loved by yourself and others. Those who do not accept you do not deserve you. You don’t have to be a perfect angel to be amazing and great and loved and worthy of love.
True friends will love you, good, and bad, and all.
“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.” – Oscar Wilde
“You’re having a hard time and lately you don’t feel so good
You’re getting a bad reputation in your neighborhood
It’s alright, it’s alright
Sometimes that’s what it takes
You’re only human, you’re allowed to make your share of mistakes
You better believe there will be times in your life
When you’ll be feeling like a stumbling fool
So take it from me you’ll learn more from your accidents
Than anything that you could ever learn at school
Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner of later you’ll get your second wind
It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright
Though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache”
~ Billy Joel (You’re Only Human)