Archive | July 2013

A Beautiful Medley

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I don’t know of anyone who never ever does anything wrong or never has done something to hurt another or hurt her/himself.

I don’t know of anyone who is perfect in everyone’s eyes and has a one hundred percent clean conscience because of never doing a thing wrong. 

Just like life itself, each one of us is made up of good and bad, happy and sad, wonder and stagnation, positivity & negativity.

….

Whatever you have done or said or felt….there is hope for you. It doesn’t make you a horrible person.
 
There are some things I have done or even just thought or felt and then have felt extreme guilt, remorse, or fear of what people would think if they found out I did that or thought that or felt that way.

Guilt can be a very unpleasant, wretched, horrifying feeling that can torment a person for so long.

The feeling that you can and should be better but just never are, the feeling of regret, the feeling that it’s too late now to start over or that there’s no hope, can nag and torture you endlessly. 

Please, go easy on yourself. You’re not a monster!  
And there IS hope!

Maybe you lied to someone who trusted you deeply, carelessly or intentionally hurt someone, maybe you were arrested or committed a criminal act without getting caught, gossiped, started drama, yelled, lost your temper, blew off a social invitation, let someone down, insulted someone, did something selfish, wasted money, stole something, told an offensive joke, made someone cry, maybe you drink too much coffee or alcohol, maybe you smoke too much, maybe you don’t feel like the best mother or father, maybe you have struggled with some sort of addiction, maybe you drove your car recklessly, maybe you yelled at other drivers or cursed someone out, had an abortion, got a divorce or 10 divorces, broke someone’s heart, did not help someone who needed help, dropped out of school, don’t have a lot of money, are homeless, crashed your car, maybe you’re too loud for some people or maybe too quiet, maybe you wanted to go out and have fun or just sleep instead of taking care of someone who needed you, maybe you’re promiscuous, sick, fatigued often, maybe you binge and purge and starve….

But this stuff doesn’t define you.

You are a person as a whole. A lot of parts and aspects all put together to make a beautiful WHOLE person. You are not just the bad or the painful. You don’t have to like or promote or be proud of all the painful things you did but you can be proud of how you handle them and overcome them and let them strengthen you and better you.

Let the pain make you better, not bitter.

In this life of mine:

For the first four years of college, I hardly opened my textbooks that my mom and dad spent hundreds and hundreds and thousands upon thousands of dollars on, I procrastinated with assignments until the very morning they had to be in, even 10 page essays, I got f’s and almost got thrown out of college, I was late everyday, I spent lots of money splurging on myself buying unnecessary things knowing my mom needed the money to pay bills, I have told lies to get myself out of trouble instead of admitting what I did, I sent a friend who wasn’t being a good friend, a list of insults about herself when I was angry, I have been too shy on some occasions to reach out to people, I made thoughtless and big mistakes at work which got me in trouble and could have cost me my job, I wasn’t able to pay back my student loans, when I was a girl of 21 years, I maxed out three credit cards like I just won one million dollars, I have terrible credit, I procrastinate, I get angry, I get depressed, I tried to kill myself, I have been dangerously suicidal for many, many years, I was hospitalized with depression and psychosis, I drink too much soda, I think songs with lots of cursing are funny, I have misjudged people and I’m sure I will again, I like risqué jokes and send them to my mom just to tick her off, I have been two faced, I have been jealous of other girls for various reasons, I have attempted to make other girls jealous of me
, I have been a snitch, I have been sneaky, I have cursed my life and wanted to die, I have envied the dead, I can be lazy, I make messes and don’t always clean them up right away, I spill stuff and leave it for a while, I leave old food around and my mom gets mad, I live with my mom and dad, I’m disorganized, I never had a “real” job, I have gotten revenge on people when I could have just let it go, I stole out of a store, I have made mental lists of  the things I can say to people who have made me angry, to make them feel low about themselves, me, along with another girl, have destroyed a girl’s phone when she was not around because she was messing with us, I have spread vicious gossip about a girl to seek revenge on her…..

and there will be more to come because this life isn’t over!   I will continue to make mistakes and do things and think things that aren’t the best because that’s how it is.

Now read my above list! If that’s all you knew, what would you think of me?

That I’m horrible?   A monster? A vicious girl? A wreck?   Uncivilized? Just not that great?

But in this life…..
I am also very loving, extremely empathetic, caring for all living things, I love to see people win , cannot stand seeing people suffer, don’t like disappointing people, am generally very honest and not sneaky, am true and real, a very loyal friend, not negatively gossipy, go out of my way to help and expect nothing in return, plan to pay back all my credit cards and student loans when I can, I want a counseling job helping people,  love meeting new people, having friends, love oldies music and love songs, sappy love songs, romantic comedies, uplifting music, very easily amused, light hearted, accepting, open minded, very forgiving, usually don’t hold grudges, trusting and open, almost never thoughtless and almost never intentionally or carelessly hurt people in anyway, not a backstabber, not vengeful in general, love country music, very positive, love to inspire and be inspired, take on the world’s pain, bask in the success of others even when I don’t feel very successful myself, filled with gratitude, have a passionate love and zest for life, full of life, not negatively judgmental in general, easy to get along with even when we have passionate opposing views,  want the best for everyone, can easily keep people’s secrets, love to help people, console, hug, uplift, brighten people’s days…..

Now what if you just seen this above description? You wouldn’t really know anything bad and some people may think I don’t do anything wrong or bad. But the truth is, I am all different things together. I have made mistakes and will again.   Just like you.

Forgive yourself.   You deserve to be accepted for your good and your bad side. You deserve to be accepted and loved by yourself and others. Those who do not accept you do not deserve you.  You don’t have to be a perfect angel to be amazing and great and loved and worthy of love. 

True friends will love you, good, and bad, and all.

“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.” – Oscar Wilde

Xoxo Kim

“You’re having a hard time and lately you don’t feel so good
You’re getting a bad reputation in your neighborhood
It’s alright, it’s alright
Sometimes that’s what it takes
You’re only human, you’re allowed to make your share of mistakes
You better believe there will be times in your life
When you’ll be feeling like a stumbling fool
So take it from me you’ll learn more from your accidents
Than anything that you could ever learn at school

Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner of later you’ll get your second wind

It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright
Though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache”

~ Billy Joel (You’re Only Human)

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A Beautiful Medley

I don’t know of anyone who never ever does anything wrong or never has done something to hurt another or hurt her/himself.

I don’t know of anyone who is perfect in everyone’s eyes and has a one hundred percent clean conscience because of never doing a thing wrong. 

Just like life itself, each one of us is made up of good and bad, happy and sad, wonder and stagnation, positivity & negativity.

….

Whatever you have done or said or felt….there is hope for you. It doesn’t make you a horrible person.
 
There are some things I have done or even just thought or felt and then have felt extreme guilt, remorse, or fear of what people would think if they found out I did that or thought that or felt that way.

Guilt can be a very unpleasant, wretched, horrifying feeling that can torment a person for so long.

The feeling that you can and should be better but just never are, the feeling of regret, the feeling that it’s too late now to start over or that there’s no hope, can nag and torture you endlessly. 

Please, go easy on yourself. You’re not a monster!  
And there IS hope!

Maybe you lied to someone who trusted you deeply, carelessly or intentionally hurt someone, maybe you were arrested or committed a criminal act without getting caught, gossiped, started drama, yelled, lost your temper, blew off a social invitation, let someone down, insulted someone, did something selfish, wasted money, stole something, told an offensive joke, made someone cry, maybe you drink too much coffee or alcohol, maybe you smoke too much, maybe you don’t feel like the best mother or father, maybe you have struggled with some sort of addiction, maybe you drove your car recklessly, maybe you yelled at other drivers or cursed someone out, had an abortion, got a divorce or 10 divorces, broke someone’s heart, did not help someone who needed help, dropped out of school, don’t have a lot of money, are homeless, crashed your car, maybe you’re too loud for some people or maybe too quiet, maybe you wanted to go out and have fun or just sleep instead of taking care of someone who needed you, maybe you’re promiscuous, sick, fatigued often, maybe you binge and purge and starve….

But this stuff doesn’t define you.

You are a person as a whole. A lot of parts and aspects all put together to make a beautiful WHOLE person. You are not just the bad or the painful. You don’t have to like or promote or be proud of all the painful things you did but you can be proud of how you handle them and overcome them and let them strengthen you and better you.

Let the pain make you better, not bitter.

In this life of mine:

For the first four years of college, I hardly opened my textbooks that my mom and dad spent hundreds and hundreds and thousands upon thousands of dollars on, I procrastinated with assignments until the very morning they had to be in, even 10 page essays, I got f’s and almost got thrown out of college, I was late everyday, I spent lots of money splurging on myself buying unnecessary things knowing my mom needed the money to pay bills, I have told lies to get myself out of trouble instead of admitting what I did, I sent a friend who wasn’t being a good friend, a list of insults about herself when I was angry, I have been too shy on some occasions to reach out to people, I made thoughtless and big mistakes at work which got me in trouble and could have cost me my job, I wasn’t able to pay back my student loans, when I was a girl of 21 years, I maxed out three credit cards like I just won one million dollars, I have terrible credit, I procrastinate, I get angry, I get depressed, I tried to kill myself, I have been dangerously suicidal for many, many years, I was hospitalized with depression and psychosis, I drink too much soda, I think songs with lots of cursing are funny, I have misjudged people and I’m sure I will again, I like risqué jokes and send them to my mom just to tick her off, I have been two faced, I have been jealous of other girls for various reasons, I have attempted to make other girls jealous of me
, I have been a snitch, I have been sneaky, I have cursed my life and wanted to die, I have envied the dead, I can be lazy, I make messes and don’t always clean them up right away, I spill stuff and leave it for a while, I leave old food around and my mom gets mad, I live with my mom and dad, I’m disorganized, I never had a “real” job, I have gotten revenge on people when I could have just let it go, I stole out of a store, I have made mental lists of  the things I can say to people who have made me angry, to make them feel low about themselves, me, along with another girl, have destroyed a girl’s phone when she was not around because she was messing with us, I have spread vicious gossip about a girl to seek revenge on her…..

and there will be more to come because this life isn’t over!   I will continue to make mistakes and do things and think things that aren’t the best because that’s how it is.

Now read my above list! If that’s all you knew, what would you think of me?

That I’m horrible?   A monster? A vicious girl? A wreck?   Uncivilized? Just not that great?

But in this life…..
I am also very loving, extremely empathetic, caring for all living things, I love to see people win , cannot stand seeing people suffer, don’t like disappointing people, am generally very honest and not sneaky, am true and real, a very loyal friend, not negatively gossipy, go out of my way to help and expect nothing in return, plan to pay back all my credit cards and student loans when I can, I want a counseling job helping people,  love meeting new people, having friends, love oldies music and love songs, sappy love songs, romantic comedies, uplifting music, very easily amused, light hearted, accepting, open minded, very forgiving, usually don’t hold grudges, trusting and open, almost never thoughtless and almost never intentionally or carelessly hurt people in anyway, not a backstabber, not vengeful in general, love country music, very positive, love to inspire and be inspired, take on the world’s pain, bask in the success of others even when I don’t feel very successful myself, filled with gratitude, have a passionate love and zest for life, full of life, not negatively judgmental in general, easy to get along with even when we have passionate opposing views,  want the best for everyone, can easily keep people’s secrets, love to help people, console, hug, uplift, brighten people’s days…..

Now what if you just seen this above description? You wouldn’t really know anything bad and some people may think I don’t do anything wrong or bad. But the truth is, I am all different things together. I have made mistakes and will again.   Just like you.

Forgive yourself.   You deserve to be accepted for your good and your bad side. You deserve to be accepted and loved by yourself and others. Those who do not accept you do not deserve you.  You don’t have to be a perfect angel to be amazing and great and loved and worthy of love. 

True friends will love you, good, and bad, and all.

“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.” – Oscar Wilde

Xoxo Kim

“You’re having a hard time and lately you don’t feel so good
You’re getting a bad reputation in your neighborhood
It’s alright, it’s alright
Sometimes that’s what it takes
You’re only human, you’re allowed to make your share of mistakes
You better believe there will be times in your life
When you’ll be feeling like a stumbling fool
So take it from me you’ll learn more from your accidents
Than anything that you could ever learn at school

Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner of later you’ll get your second wind

It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright
Though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache”

~ Billy Joel (You’re Only Human)

You Can Bend but Never Break Me </3 <3

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Recently I have been thinking about how “unfair” and “unjust” things are and seem.   People and things in this world can really drag us down and if we let them, even keep us down. There ‘s no doubt about it, people and things outside of ourselves affect us in negative (as well as positive) ways. In ways that may seem out of our control. But my truth is that people can have control over the extent in which they allow people and things, circumstances to “get to them.”

I don’t always have control over what anyone other than myself says or does or feels. I can’t help if people lash out at me, sling insults at me, physically assault me, verbally abuse me, or try hard to bring me down. I also do not and will not always have control over my circumstances or situations.  I can’t always help getting stuck in traffic, things breaking, things not going my way.  And the truth is since I am a living mortal with human emotions and not a robot, a brick wall, dead, brain dead, or whatever else these negative people and situations and things WILL negatively affect me in ways. They will. And that is part of being a living human. A feeling human. I may not have complete control over how things affect me but I DO have control over the degree in which they affect me.

Maybe not right away. But I can practice and learn to not be buffeted by things outside of myself. 
I can do this by acknowledging and accepting the fact that life is good and bad and to remind myself that when people do things wrong to intentionally impact me negatively it says something about them, not me.  
I can look at all the greatness I am surrounded with and filled with and learn not to dwell constantly on the pain and negative things.
I can honor myself. Do and Be what brings me joy. And know that if people do not like me or appreciate me, it’s their loss, their problem.

One day recently I read a story, a true and devastating story, written by a grieving mother who lost her 22 year old son to homicide many years ago. He was a college boy, shot dead by a much older “friend ” over a trivial argument. The mother’s strength and passion and determination amazed me then when I first read that story and amazes me now.  
She chose to live. To keep going. A criminal, a murderer changed her life. And the lives of everyone who knew and loves him. It changed this mother ‘s life for the worse. He took away her only son and left her with just memories, grief, seemingly unbearable pain, and so much confusion and shock . He shattered her life. But she made the choice to put her life back together, though it will never be the same. A vicious, malicious criminal ended her loving, caring son ‘s life but she sure as hell wasn’t going to let that same malicious man end hers in anyway. She is now an advocate for homicide victims and their families and friends.   She works with criminals and murderers in positive ways to try to get them to understand to some degree the devastation that their horrific actions have on everyone around them.
She is a survivor.

Some years ago, a man held a gun to my chest at the store where I work. It’s window service. I was working alone late at night with no one else around.  He came up to the window and told me he had a gun and that I better give him all the store money or he would kill me. He actually said those words to me. “I’ll kill you.” I refused to give him the money and he pulled the gun out and held it to my chest and said “I’m serious, I will kill you.”. 

I still refused. (yeah people told me later how very stupid I was)

Then he told me I better give it or he’ll kill me and take the money then kill the people in the bar across the street which my boss also owns. He said if I give him the money we all live. I never want anyone else’s lives in danger so I let him have it.

The man was never caught. There was no camera to catch his image. I couldn’t identify him in any pictures.   None were of him.

I wasn’t hurt. And I wasn’t touched physically.   

My dad says every now and then how one of his biggest fears is someone coming to the window again while I’m working and actually carrying through with a vicious plan or threat of some sort and either ending or “ruining” my life. He’s afraid I’ll live but be seriously attacked or injured in some way.

But I made a choice. No one will ever ruin my life unless that person ends it. But as long as I’m living No one other than me can destroy me or ruin me because I said so and I will never give anyone that power.   I may not always be able to prevent or avoid an attack, physical or verbal. But I won’t let it destroy me. No one deserves that kind of power over me.

Something or someone can hurt me. Scare me. Paralyze me or whatever but NO ONE will destroy or ruin me. I will be negatively affected by negative people and things.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to be fully alive.   It is normal. Natural. Healthy.   To be negatively affected by the world around us. To be sad. Disappointed.   Grief stricken. Angry. Scared…..jealous….suspicious, all in healthy dosages.

But then we get back up and move forward. And keep going. And keep living.   And still create happiness & joy.

Like Helen Reddy sings, “You can Bend but Never Break me”

What I’m saying right now must be said gently or I risk sounding cruel. It is in no way intended to tell “victims” or survivors of anything to “get over it” or that they’re overreacting or not handling things right. Everyone reacts in different ways and handles things differently. I want survivors of anything, big and small things, alike to take back the power and never let someone or something else have that power.

I don’t want a criminal or a bully or a situation or illness or anything to have power over a person. I want the person to empower herself (himself). It’s not always easy.   It takes learning and practice and maybe some extra help.
But we can learn not to be destroyed by someone or something else outside of ourselves. We don’t have to feel numb or deny the impact or the scars. We can admit the horror we have endured and how it affected us and then muster up all the strength we have and move forward with an open heart. 

It’s not your fault that people do bad things to you. There’s no justification for abuse or assault or mistreatment of any kind.  And it’s not your fault if you have a sickness of any kind or a disability.   And it’s not your fault if you react negatively to the negativity or mistreatment. It’s just your natural reaction. You can take back your power and own yourself.

I will rise above the victim mentality. Instead I will acknowledge and honor my ability to make choices, my ability to choose happiness and joy even through the trauma and sorrow and grief and negativity.

I refuse to be a victim.

Xoxo Kim

“You can bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul”. ~ Helen Reddy (I Am Woman)

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The lovely Moon, a light in the darkness.

You Are Here

Beautiful & reflective post by a beautiful girl about living in this moment, the present, which is a true gift.

Sour Sunrise

It’s time to realize this simple fact: we are all here. In the Present.

Recently I’ve bumped into a very interesting person, and as soon as we started talking about life (as it usually happens), I’ve noticed that his views on life are really different from what people usually have. This man possesses a very unusual quality – he lives in the present.
Let me explain what it means. Like everyone, I have my own Past. I have memories of good and bad things. Some of them can make me smile, some of them can make me cry. Unfortunately, I’m not good enough at controlling my memories, especially if I have a hard time and I remember when everything was going well. Many questions appear in my head, e.g. “How could my life come to this?” and “What did I do wrong?”. In other words, I start blaming myself…

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When Encountering Difficult People

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Not everyone you meet in your life will be easy going, light hearted, friendly, and warm. Some will be difficult, unpleasant,  extremely rude, outright miserable and hard to handle.

For many people, even the usual friendly, kind people, the natural reaction is to respond with the same coldness and angry temperament that the difficult person dishes out.

This doesn’t mean they are bad or unkind people for responding or wanting to respond that way, it’s just that other people’s moods and attitudes often impact or influence our own.

But it doesn’t always have to be that way. We can choose to rise above the negativity of others.

I work at a store and most of my customers are extremely kind and friendly and so grateful for my service and very expressing of that gratitude.  

And even the few people who aren’t the friendliest are not usually blatantly rude or difficult. 

But on extremely rare occasions I get one who is.

A few weeks ago I was training a new girl and a man, who is an old man,  came for ice cream.  There was a misunderstanding and he gave me way too much money and walked away without his change. I called him back and gave him his change and he started yelling very bitterly that he should actually get back more change.  

He left very angry.  And I was so annoyed and felt a surge of anger at him.

Then he recently came back very angry and loud and yelled “Give me two small ice creams you hear me!!!! Two small ice creams!!!”. His attitude was lousy.  

But I was in no mood to react angrily or be rude to him. I just saw him as a person with desires and needs and I smiled at him and got what he wanted. I made it easy for him to carry his ice cream by putting them in a small box. I asked him if he needed napkins and my tone was very friendly. Genuinely friendly.   I felt compassion for him. He is a person with needs and desires, no less worthy of compassion and kindness than I am.

I was amazed when his face lit up and he smiled at me brightly. He said “Have a great night, hun!”. And was very friendly as he was leaving.

His whole expression and physical movements changed. He became lighter and softer. All because my interaction with him was pleasant.

Imagine if I would have perpetuated the hostility with a bitter tone. It would have made him more bitter, more negative, more hostile.   Which in turn, could have made me more angry. And on and on.

I would have never seen his good side and he would have not seen mine. I gave us both the chance to truly see each other.

He came back another night and was friendly as can be. Smiling and happily greeting me. Sometimes people get the wrong impression of another person or mis judge or make inaccurate assumptions based on things that are not true or real or what they seem.

People should not act on first judgments but they often do.  We should not assume something and act before knowing but sometimes that is exactly what we do.

Maybe the man got the wrong impression of me for whatever reason and reacted based on his thoughts or feelings about it.

But it’s my job to show him who I really am. So that’s what I did.

Things will not always go this smoothly. Some people will be bitter and negative towards you no matter how kind, gentle, and warm you are with them. That’s just the way some people are. But you do not have to react back that way.

But the choice is yours.

You are not a horrible person for coming back at people or resorting to angry comments or even slinging an insult now and then.

While there are better ways to handle unpleasant situations, we occasionally (or maybe even often) may get caught up in the heat of that moment and react negatively or non effectively. 

Sometimes I feel like reacting negatively to people when they are difficult and unkind.

Then I remember this quote :

“Don’t treat people as bad as they are.   Treat them as good as you are.” ~ Unknown

And it inspires warmth in me. It’s not only treating that person well but being true to myself. I can be above treating people horribly or negatively. There will always be rude and bitter people and I believe that is ok.

There are various kinds of people in this life. Not all of them good and pleasant. We can’t and should not control anyone but ourselves. We can make attempts to influence and impact one another for the better but that’s all.

Try to influence negative people with your positivity not let their negativity influence you.

It’s good to be affected by others. Both negatively and positively.   It makes us fully alive. Who wants to walk around like a zombie or robot and be shielded, completely, against the world? Not letting anyone in?

People are good and bad. The world is good and bad. Life itself is good and bad. And being affected is part of living.

But we can work to not allow ourselves to be too worked up, destroyed, or depressed or anxious over the thoughts, actions, and feelings of others. 

There’s an amazing book called, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (and it’s all small stuff) by Richard Carlson 

And in this book one of the author’s suggestions to help us feel more compassion for difficult people is to imagine them as a newborn infant or a 100 year old person who has not much longer to live.

At one point all of us were newborn children and if we are blessed enough, at one point we will be very old. The man feels that this may put things in perspective for us.  

Babies and very old people need and deserve love, warmth, and compassion
And their age often reminds us of that.And we can work to extend that to others of all ages when they are troubling us.

Remember when you get caught up in other people’s bitterness, negativity, cruelty, and anger, at least you are not them!

I hope you are having an amazingly beautiful day full of love & light & laughter! 😀

Xox0 Kim

” When you are in an upsetting situation, try loving everyone involved and pray for them, hard as they may be. Loving doesn’t mean sentimentality but rather a rational esteem for them as persons.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

How to cope with betrayal

Having someone who you thought was your friend or someone who you never imagined would backstab you, do that very thing,  really sucks!

There are so many negative or unpleasant emotions that accompany a betrayal. Anger, pain, sadness, depression, feelings of a shattered sense of trust, anxiety, devastation, sense of loss…

Recently I have experienced this very thing. A person I never thought would do something to cause me pain or trouble did in fact do that.

For a few days I was confused and shocked and my emotions turned to pure anger. I confronted this person in a calm and civilized manner. I am a very quiet and shy girl who is not in any way aggressive generally and often I’m not assertive when I should be.

But what I have been experiencing for the last few days motivated me to assert myself.

I got nowhere really with this person but at least I got some consolation in my own head. I spoke up. I was very calm, civilized, and firm. 

But this incident did take a toll on me. I have been very angry and sad.

I am very strong, emotionally. I haven’t always been. Just a few years ago if I would have experienced this, I would have likely collapsed into despair and depression.

But after a few years of doing work on myself to strengthen myself and overcome serious depression, I am able to cope well no matter how painful this experience is for me.

Instead of sinking into despair I chose to handle this situation positively and come up with ways to help me cope with this adversity.

I chose NOT to seek revenge on this person in anyway. I am not a vengeful bitch. But I am and will remain cautious of this person.

Here are a few things I found helpful and hope they will help others who may need some healing and consolation.

1.) Let yourself grieve, feel shattered, express your emotions in a healthy, effective manner. Admit your pain. Don’t deny you are hurt. You may find an outlet in music, writing, drawing, meditating, sleeping, talking to a therapist, family member, or good friend, snuggling with a pet. Even if you tell no other person, admit your pain to yourself. Repression is not good.

2.) Remember this betrayal says nothing about your character or morals or worth.   Another person hurt you, it’s not your fault. People hurt other people, even undeserving ones and those closest to them.   The ones they should be loyal to. You probably feel very low. You may have thoughts that if you were somehow “better” in some way, this wouldn’t have happened. But you cannot control others. You can only work on and learn to control yourself. Someone else’s actions in no way define you.

3.) don’t dwell on the fact. It’s not good to obsess over this incident to the point it wears you out. Think about it in healthy ways and come up with ways to cope and move forward.

4.) know that it’s justified to feel angry or whatever you feel. Express your anger healthily. It’s probably best not to yell at, insult, or threaten the person. Handle this safely in your own way.

5.). Figure out if it’s worth it to you to keep this person in your life and do what you have to without guilt. Forgiving and forgetting and continuing this relationship is not a sign of weakness. This person may be important to you and maybe just made an individual mistake. It’s ok to accept an apology and move on. But it’s also ok if you feel the need to let go. Take care of yourself.   If this person is taking too much of a toll on you may be you may want to consider cutting the person out if your life completely, partially, or temporarily distancing yourself emotionally or physically. Whatever you feel is best for you.

6.). Just because this person has supporters who may be against you doesn’t mean she/he is right or that you are wrong. There is always going to be someone against you for whatever reason whether it’s justified or not. Don’t let the negativity or destructive criticism of others drag or keep you down. take care of yourself.

7.) focus on yourself. Make a plan for yourself. Focus on your goals and your own personal development.   Find strength in this chaotic situation. Better yourself.

8.) don’t stop trusting! There are still good people out there.   Friends and potential friends who will never betray or intentionally or carelessly hurt you. Don’t let this person’s/people negative behavior taint or destroy your general trust.

9.) Let the pain make you better not bitter!

🙂

😀

May you find hope, comfort, joy, laughter, happiness, and healing.   You can be strong. This heartbreak CAN heal!

Xo Kim

“Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll get your second wind

It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright, though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)” Billy Joel

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This is a pic my sister took of me yesterday. I can’t remember why I was doing what I’m doing in this picture but it makes me laugh a lot!   My sister said it looks like I’m saying “Come at me, come at me!” as if to tempt someone to tread on me so I can pounce on that person! Lol. And I think that’s a perfect attitude to have about negative situations(not people though!!) ! Throw it all on me and i’ll come back even stronger! So yeah! Lol

😀

Love & blessings to you!

Putting a Positive Spin on the questions you ask yourself

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You know those questions, the ones you ask yourself when you mess up or feel low about yourself? The ones which make you feel even more low?? They sound something like this:

1.) How can I be so stupid?!

2.) How could have I done such a thing?!

3.) Am I the biggest asshole Or what?

4.) Can I be anymore of a fuck up? 

5.) What is WRONG with me?!

6.) Can I ever do anything right?!

7.) How could I have let this happen. 

And then there’s the self-abusive/hopeless  statements:

1.) what an asshole I am.

2.) I am the biggest loser.

3.) how stupid I am!

4.) I can’t do anything right.

5.) I’m so fat.

6.) i’ll never amount to anything.

7.) nothing will ever get better.

Those negative questions and statements serve no purpose but to perpetuate your negative energy and your low moods.

Instead of giving into that kind of self talk you may want to try this instead: take those questions and statements and put a positive spin on them.

For example. Take question #1 which is “How can I be so stupid?!” and transform it to:

“What can I do in the future to try to prevent this mistake I made now?”. Everyone makes mistakes, misunderstands things, is unaware of certain things, and does something wrong every now and then. Try to recognize what you may have missed or done wrong. You won’t always be able to prevent it again though. You will always occasionally make mistakes, some even more than once, maybe even again and again. And that’s ok. You are a human after all.

Go easy on yourself. Messing up doesn’t indicate that you are unintelligent. 

Let’s take #2 “How could I have done such a thing?!”. Let’s transform that to:

“I made a mistake or have done something I’m not proud of. It says nothing of my worth or my overall intelligence or ability to make decisions.”. 

Just because you occasionally do something “stupid ” doesn’t mean you, the person, is stupid.   Just because you “fail” once in a while doesn’t make you a failure as a person.

And instead of seeing it as “failing”, you can even take this message:  
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ” ~Thomas A. Edison

You are experimenting and learning.

Instead of “I can’t do anything right” try something like “this did not turn out how I wanted but I can learn what to do/what not to do in the future. “

Ask yourself why you did what you did, how you can act differently in the future. Replace words like “loser “, “asshole”, “fail” or “failure ” with more positive loving words.   You are a person who has made a mistake, tried and things did not go as expected or planned. You are alive and so have the opportunity to try and try again and WIN.

Also, when things are going your way and you are happy and inspired and joyous, it can help you to take note of it, examine it and see why you are feeling amazing.   If you can pinpoint the things and thoughts and actions that are contributing to those wonderfully positive feelings, you can make a habit of doing and thinking those things regularly so you generally feel more positive. 

If you are generally a happy, relaxed, joyful person then keep on doing what you’re doing!   Think good things about yourself and others.   Continue to care for yourself. 

Rest. Sleep. Meditate. Splurge once in a while. Cut negative people out of your life. 

If you catch yourself having too many negative moods or feelings lately, stop and see if you can determine why. Everyone, no matter how healthy and happy is going to experience low moods and feelings once in a while. That’s ok. But when they start becoming frequent and crashing in on you, take note of it.

Has something changed recently?

Are you getting less sleep for some reason?

Having difficulty in some relationship of yours?

Is the way you view an unpleasant experience contributing to your low feelings. 

If you are generally not very happy, are very stressed, anxious, or depressed, there are things you can do to elevate and maintain a general sense of well-being.

Even if you’re generally unhappy or sluggish there may still be more seldom moments in your life where you have felt much better, happier, energized, and joy filled.

Sometimes you won’t know why you’re feeling low or why you’re feeling happy. Moods fluctuate often without a known reason. 

But see if you can become aware of why you feel the way you do.

If meditating, resting, countering negative thoughts, caring for yourself, eating healthier…makes you feel happier and uplifts you, make those things routine. Do them everyday. Incorporate them into your schedule.

You’re worth it! 😀

Xox0 Kim

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