Archive | December 2013

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on….


“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I struggle with a severe chronic facial pain disorder. It’s bad. And currently incurable with no known definite effective medical treatments.

“Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us.” ~ Charles Kingsley 

There are some treatments and home remedies that help sometimes. I’m not always in agony but I do have flare ups now & again that are just pure, raw agony. Agony beyond belief.

“Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced. Denied or feared, it grows.” ~ Dean Koontz 

A kind of anguish that brings me to the point of despair.  I can’t believe my body is capable of experiencing so much physical anguish.   I can’t believe anyone can endure this.   It’s incomprehensible. It’s the most physically painful experience of my life. 

“While there’s life, there’s hope.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero


And when this happens, sometimes I feel that I’m wishing I were dead. But as I have also mentioned, I also struggle with a severe depressive disorder that strengthened me and enlightened me. It awakened me.

“Today I will see something positive in all situations.”

I have developed a life philosophy that helps me see that life is a true gift no matter what. No matter the wretched agony I am currently enduring.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

So last week in the middle of the night, lonely & grieving over the loss of my previous state when I wasn’t in as much pain, I thought I wanted to be dead. It was a very brief thought.   But I soon realized that it wasn’t true. It felt that way for a few seconds. And I remembered my own life philosophy that I have invested so much in, building and nurturing and maintaining.   All of the things I learned. All of my strength & inspiration.

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops at all.” ~ Emily Dickinson 

And I kept going, kept telling myself life is good and I kept my hope alive that my severe pain would end or somehow I would learn to cope even though I couldn’t even begin to imagine how anyone can cope with this.  It’s just so agonizing.  

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~ Albert Einstein 


It’s like the worst throbbing toothache anyone can ever have along with an earache & sinus ache all rolled into one all over my face and head. Just throbbing for hours or days almost nonstop, around my temples, eyes, jaw, sinuses, ears, shoulders, neck…. I was going out of my head, not knowing how anyone can live that way.  It takes an emotional toll on me.

“Hope is the little voice you hear whisper ‘maybe’ when it seems the entire world is shouting ‘no’.”

I was pacing the floors. Running in and out of rooms, wanting to scream and scream into the night until my throat was raw but my mouth wouldn’t open because my jaw locked.   I was devastated, furious, nearly to the point of insanity.  

“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.”
Dalai Lama 

I am not an angry person, never have been. I rarely get furious and when I do, it subsides very quickly and I don’t deny or repress it but I almost never act on it physically other than civilized verbal/writing outlets, just telling people about my anger. I don’t yell or curse people out or cry and hit things.   I don’t ever feel like doing that. Not because I think it’s wrong or because I’m too shy, timid, or meek.  It’s just not in me to be like that, to express anger that way.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

But when this flared up last week, I was furious. I wanted to yell, scream, break things.   I wanted to throw whatever inanimate objects I could get my hands on and watch it break into a million Little pieces.   The way my body felt.

“Hope is the dream of a waking man.” ~ Aristotle

I did not want to hurt any living creatures. But I sure wanted to destroy objects. But I couldn’t because it was too hard to move. I could hardly open my mouth. 

“Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.”
Napoleon Bonaparte 

It took a lot to not crack my head against walls. 
 Not out of anger but out of near insanity because of the pain and just having absolutely no idea what to do. It was driving me mad. I stood at the wall struggling not to crack my head against it.

I kept telling myself that when the horror ends if it ever does, I won’t even feel relief or gratitude until later, the first thing I will do is throw things and break things (alone so no one else has to witness or suffer) to release the fury I couldn’t express while it was happening. I felt like I wanted revenge.  Revenge on the pain itself. It makes no sense because the pain is not a sentient thing with consciousness. But it’s what I felt.

I kept reading stories and facts and poetry about chronic facial and head pain disorders. And I just couldn’t fathom the pain we feel. The agony we’re forced to endure.   It brings me comfort to read about these disorders, to know they are acknowledged at least by some people and knowing someone somewhere understands.   I love how we can take the tragedy of pain and turn it to beauty with poetry, drawings, songs….And if I could, I would take on all the facial and head pain in the world so no one has to ever feel what I feel. I can’t even begin to imagine someone else having to endure this. It’s unimaginable. Devastating.

TMJD headaches, Migraine headaches, cluster headaches (also know as “suicide headaches” because they bring people to contemplate or attempt suicide), Trigeminal neuralgia (also known as “The Suicide Disease” because it drives many people to contemplate and even attempt suicide to stop the pain)….

“When you come close to sellin’ out,
Reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack


It was so extremely difficult to focus on anything other than my pain.   It is torture. It’s hell. But I kept telling myself, life is still a gift. I will still go on. Hope kept me going.


I realized then even more, how important it is to develop a life philosophy.   A specific, firm outlook on life. So when things get difficult and devastating, we have our own life philosophy to fall back on. My life philosophy is all about love & compassion for others and myself and that life itself is a blessing no matter what and if I really try, I can find hope & strength deep inside to keep on going. I believe that no matter what terror and pain I encounter and endure, no matter how much pain I must experience, either physical or emotional, I will eventually conquer it and keep going and still be happy in general. And pain will strengthen me & teach me. Even when it currently does not seem that way.

“Take that first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”

There’s always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for, something to smile about, something to look forward to….things can be handled positively. Life itself is pure blessing. 


I don’t just tell myself this occasionally. I live it. Every single day.  I write about it, meditate upon it, find quotes, books, writings, people, blogs, videos…that support it, nurture it, confirm it.

“Some people see a hopeless end, others see an endless hope.” ~ Unknown

I keep up on it constantly. In good and bad, beautiful, ugly, painful, everything, it is my life.

It’s a conscious, intentional decision, habit I have formulated. It often comes naturally to me but sometimes I have to force it, remind myself to maintain it even when it’s so difficult. 

If I really try, I can summon those hopeful feelings.

I have little lapses now and then where I falter or fall and forget or ignore my life philosophy that I have established.   It goes right out the Window.   But it’s ingrained enough in me that I always come back to it. Find it once again. 

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today.” — Og Mandino

I heard of this goal or project people do every year. They choose a word for the new year and make it a point to constantly live up to that word everyday for the whole year. I never felt compelled to partake in this activity because there are various words, not just one, that I intend to live up to.   Hope, gratitude, compassion, love, ALWAYS LOVE, kindness, honesty, inspiration, strength, positivity, HAPPY, optimistic, HELPFUL, the list goes on && on….Many of these individual words contain multiple other words… and I don’t want to only plan on living this word for one year but for always.   Forever & for always.

“And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you” ~ Mariah Carey 

But if I were to choose a word for 2014, it would be HOPE. This is something I need. It’s something I have been feeling so much of lately.  And when I feel that my hope is gone, I remind myself that it’s just temporarily misplaced, not forever lost.

Hope keeps us going. Even a small slither, a tattered string, a frayed thread can be enough…..

“When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit –
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.” 


I find it usually more difficult to live in hope when I’m deeply depressed than when I’m in a lot of physical pain. Physical pain & illness often feels hopeless but it can also instill in someone, a strong, fierce will to survive, to do whatever it takes to live. Depression, true depression that isn’t just a low mood is often the opposite. It often saps the will to survive, the desire to do whatever it takes. So it’s extremely important to remember and keep reminding ourselves over and over that depression feels hopeless but it’s not. It creates lies and delusions that things are forever hopeless and can never get better and that life isn’t worth struggling for.

 “The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.”

But even with the severe agony of depression, it’s possible to have some sort of glimmer of hope, enough to keep going.   We may have to work harder to tap into it, to believe it. But it’s possible!

“Embrace your challenges with an open heart because through every challenge, strength forms.” 

I even bought a notebook recently, on one of the days my pain disorder was at its worst.   On the front cover it says “Live in hope.” and I bought a candle holder that says “HOPE.”

I found both of these accidentally but at the perfect moments. A perfect coincidence.

“I hope to stand firm enough to not go backward, and yet not go forward fast enough to wreck the country’s cause.”
Abraham Lincoln


Sometimes I can’t be happy and I can’t be completely positive or cheerful or pain-free but I can have hope. Hope for something specific or just a general state of feeling hopeful. 

“You are not the victim of your body. ” ~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

And even if the thing I hope for can’t or will not happen, I can have hope for something just as good or something even better. I am surrounded in hope. Filled with hope.

“In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs man’s torments.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Even though it benefits us to have hope though, it’s detrimental, I believe, to put off current happiness & peace of mind hoping for something better or hoping for something impossible. Hopelessness isn’t always despair; sometimes hopelessness about something we know can’t happen or won’t happen, is just acceptance and liberation, then we can move forward hoping for better things.

Hope should be exhilarating and motivational and inspiring, not something to hinder us, keeping us in invisible shackles. So when we find what we have been hoping for just won’t happen, we can move forward to new hope. Live in hope.

“We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.”
Aristotle Onassis

“A Picture of Pain”
by Bear Peterson

“I tried to paint a picture,
Of how I really feel.
But I could not find the colors,
To make it all seem real.
Not one color was hot enough,
To show the burning pain.
Not one color bright enough,
To make me wince again.
Not one was dark enough,
To show the isolation.
In the end saw one thin line,
Worn, frayed and almost broke,
To my mind that one thin line,
Is a single thread of hope.” 

(poem about migraine headaches)
– See more at:

Much happiness, love, & comfort to you all. I hope you find healing if you need it. And if you are struggling with any kind of pain, temporary or chronic, physical or emotional, please know I am very understanding.   I can’t know, literally, how you feel, even if we have the same thing because we are two different beings, but I have some sort of deep understanding and much compassion.

“You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear” ~ Mariah Carey
Xoxo Kim

P.s. When the worst of it finally ended, I felt relief & gratitude and did not throw things, scream, and break stuff. ;-D

“Be happy not because everything is perfect nor because everything goes your way. Be happy because everything sucks but you are doing just great. “


“You could go the distance, you could run the mile, you could walk straight through Hell with a smile.” ~ The Script

I Can Stand Up Once Again <3


Years ago, in a therapy session, I made this inspirational project with my therapist, Hannah.   This was back when my depression wasn’t as healed yet and I was struggling many days. Hannah was a student, doing work at a mental health clinic, and when she graduated she had to leave and isn’t my therapist anymore.

But I am still inspired and touched by all that I have learned when I did therapy work with her.

She helped me a lot and sessions with her were healing & fun. She was really good at listening to me and also she provided me with great, helpful techniques, such as the above activity, cutting out inspirational pictures, words, and stuff out of magazines for an uplifting image and reminder to look at so we can be inspired whenever we see it.

Hannah would often ask me about my favorite songs, why I love them, how they help me, and what they teach me. She explained how it’s a great technique to focus on the messages & Beauty of positive songs and let them inspire & help heal me.

We used to listen to my favorite songs and meditate during sessions. And she asked me to chose a song I love, one that inspires me so we can do a fun, healing activity together during our session. I chose Mariah Carey’s “Through the Rain” which is the song that helped give me the courage and motivation I needed in 2008 to first seek professional treatment for Depression. 

“When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you’re distraught and in pain without anyone 
When you keep crying out to be saved 
But nobody comes and you feel so far away 
That you just can’t find your way home 
You can get there alone 
It’s okay, what you say is 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain” ~ Mariah Carey

Hannah and me chose the line “I can stand up once again” in the song and we made this together and she let me keep it to always remind myself that no matter what happens to me, how low I sink into despair, how often I am knocked down, I can stand up once again.

“And if you keep falling down don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail 
What you say is 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith 
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain 
And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don’t be afraid 
There’s nothing you can’t face 
And should they tell you you’ll never pull through 
Don’t hesitate, stand tall and say 
I can make it through the rain 
I can stand up once again on my own 
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith 
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain”

I haven’t seen this craft we made in a while and last year my family and me moved to a new house and a lot of stuff somehow disappeared. We don’t know what happened to it. Through the years I would think of this and wish I still had it but I thought it was long gone. Then today I was looking for an old Philosophy book in some old stuff I have packed away and the memory of this popped into my head out of nowhere and I wished more than ever that I had it. I have so much stuffe packed in my closet and a mirror broke and little pieces are all throughout my stuff. I was in pj shorts and a shirt and just reached my hand into some random junk and pulled something out and it happened to be this!!!

I couldn’t believe it! I never even knew it made it to the new house! I don’t remember packing it. But it’s here!! It’s strange that I pulled it out exactly when I remembered it wishing I had it!

Talk about sweet & strange coincidences!  

It’s kind of tattered and worn out but it’s still amazing! It just needed some extra glue. It’s tattered, Worn, and broken but still standing!

I love the message of this song. It shows that no matter what happens, even if there’s no one with us currently to help us, we can still manage to stand strong.

“I can make it through the rain and stand up once again 
And I live one more day 
And I can make it through the rain 
(Oh, yes, you can) 
You’re gonna make it through the rain” 

Here’s the desktop link for the song video:

Mobile link:

Xoxo Kim


My grown Up Christmas list


“Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well I’m all grown-up now
And still need help somehow
I’m not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need”

Macy’s collects letters to Santa written by people of all ages. For every letter they receive, it helps a sick child’s wish be granted. Isn’t that beautiful?! My sister and me wrote letters and put them in the Santa MailBox! We also watched the beautiful light show at Macy’s with my mom, dad, and all the others who showed up to watch.


It was so cute to see all the little kids writing their letters for Santa Claus and putting them in the mailbox. They were so happy and joyful. I wish all kids can have the opportunity to be so happy and carefree.



My Christmas list this year is for a world in need. I wish for 

1.) hope & healing for all those who are suffering. Humans & animals alike
2.) a warm and happy place to live for all homeless people and animals.
3.) love, acceptance, and tolerance instead of wars and unjust discrimination 
4.) More empathy & understanding for each other in this world
5.) a friend for everyone
6.) hope, strength,  & happiness for everyone
7.) for everyone to have the ability to see the good that exists in the world
8.) Unconditional love


I am deeply inspired by the Christmas song “My Grown Up Christmas List.”. It is a stunningly beautiful song with an incredible message.  I love Amy Grant’s version.  

“No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list”

Desktop video:
Mobile video:

This is my lifelong wish, my grown up Christmas list, not for myself but for a world in need.

Much love & blessings to everyone. 😀


Xoxo Kim



Pain & my gratitude list for today


“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

I am struggling hard with a somewhat severe flare up of my facial pain disorder. It’s not as bad as it tends to get sometimes but it’s bad. I had difficulty sleeping last night because the Throbbing pain kept me awake. My jaw locked shut and I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to even fit my soda bottle into it.  The chronic pain disorder that I have (TMJD) sometimes causes sufferers to experience the locking of their jaw either locked shut or open.  

It’s literally physically locked and can’t be forced open/closed until it decides to on its own. There’s no known cure or definite effective treatment. Most of the best treatments seem to be home remedies such as heating pads and cold packs, facial massages, stretches, avoiding certain things like gum chewing and hard food, avoiding stress because that tends to aggravate it…

My pain disorder is the most physically painful experience of my life. I’m not constantly in severe agony like some people but I am in pain more often than not and it flares up every now and again to severe agony that is debilitating and seemingly unbearable.  

I struggled with this since I was a little girl but I had no idea what it is or that all the symptoms I experience are connected. I thought it was a sinus/ear condition complication since I used to have recurrent ear and sinus infections and my pain disorder affects those parts of the body. I was always afraid to tell my mom about my weird, confusing symptoms.

My left arm goes dead/weak, I experience sudden and temporary deafness, searing pain like a very severe tooth/ear/sinus ache all over my face, jaw, ears, around my eyes, temples, and now my neck, shoulders, head, and down my left arm. It used to only be on the left side of my body, now it’s on my right side as well.

My condition got worse and worse through the years until a couple years ago it became unbearable to me. I would scream out loud for hours through the night into the early morning until my throat was raw and sore and my mouth tasted like blood.   Sometimes I couldn’t even scream or cry, all I could do was squeeze the bars on my bed with one hand and hold my throbbing face in the other and writhe in agony.  

Physical pain frightens me when it reaches a certain point. I begin to panic. I have always been this way and I don’t know why. So when it flares up really bad, I am scared out of my mind. Every year I develop another symptom. When a doctor told me what this condition is I struggle with, it was one of the worst moments of my life. It felt like my life was shattered to pieces. That was around when my depressive disorder was really starting to get better in general. I was happy and hopeful.

Then my mysterious physical disorder flared up. It physically paralyzed me. I stayed wide awake for four days straight. With not a second of sleep. I screamed night after night til I lost my voice. I contemplated suicide.  Not because of depression, for once. I wasn’t depressed.

I thought I would die because of not sleeping day after day.

I thought about buying or stealing drugs to help me stop the pain. Someone gave me prescription pain pills illegally.   I was desperate. I took them. I took one. It wouldn’t work. I took a few more at once. They only took the edge off but I began feeling like myself again and was able to sleep.

When I thought it was a sinus/ear condition I believed that can always clear up but when the doctor told me it’s a chronic and currently incurable pain disorder that really has no professional treatment, I was absolutely devastated. It took everything I had not to crumble right there in her office.

Doctors often don’t like prescribing pain pills for pain disorders because they think people just want drugs and the chronic pain conditions can’t always be seen objectively with tests and sometimes pain pills don’t even work anyway. And I wouldn’t want to live on pain pills in general or take them frequently.

I had no idea what to do or how I would go on living. She gave me suggestions for how to ease the pain and prevent severe flare ups, like facial massages.  I never knew I can touch my face because I thought that would make it worse. Just the mere thought of touching my face horrified me. Many nights before the diagnosis, I would lay in bed and imagine a human hand stroking and massaging my face wishing desperately that someone could do that for me but never knowing it can really be done without exacerbating the pain.

I would imagine the hand in different skin colors and sometimes imagine it invisible.   When the doctor told me it’s not only ok but necessary for me to massage my face I was doubtful and terrified.   That night I kept thinking about it, trying to get the courage up. I would put my hands to my face then lose the courage to touch it. Then one moment I touched my face. Then I pressed on it and massaged it and I couldn’t believe it actually mitigated the pain. It wouldn’t take it away but made it almost bearable.  

The more I massaged it each day, the less my pain would become. Now that’s one of my greatest techniques. 

The thing that helped me cope with my physical pain disorder is my depressive disorder.   Because of years living with a depressive illness and learning ways to cope with it, I was already used to making myself better with personal development techniques and positive/optimistic thinking.  So this prepared me for the worsening and diagnosis of this physical ailment. I knew I am strong enough to handle this.

One of the many great things about struggling with a severe depressive illness for years and working hard to get better is, it can strengthen us beyond belief and prepare us for anything, if we allow it to. I always thought of my depression as a “curse” for the most part, for many years, but it’s actually one of my greatest blessings, as horrific and agonizing as it is.

It made me so much of what I am today.  

Suffering with severe pain of any kind can be excruciatingly lonely. When I’m suffering with a severe flare up of TMJD pain, I see everyone around me going on like usual not even realizing how incredibly blessed they are. So blessed. To be able to go on like nothing ever happened, having fun or not, laughing, eating, planning, talking, sleeping…

Not in severe anguish or despair. It’s like that with depression too.

But depression and physical pain can also open us to realize the simple but profound blessings all around. When I’m in too much pain, either physical or emotional, to do much of anything, I often see things in a way I overlooked before the pain flared up.

I see the moistness on cold soda bottles, the vibrancy of the colors in Nature, the texture of food…and I would do just about anything to go back. Back to where I was before.   When the pain wasn’t so bad.

The good thing is that we can strengthen or develop the habit of seeing the simple greatness surrounding us so even when we aren’t in agony, we can bask in the simple treasures of life. I often do this more now, even when I’m not in pain.  

That’s the good thing about pain. It can teach us so much. But not everyone will experience pain to that degree and depth and I hope they never will.   I want to teach “ordinary” people without pain disorders to be constantly and consciously grateful for not being in pain, for all the simple things, the beauty of life.

Many people will say they’re thankful for everything when the concept arises but I believe we should think about it more often than just occasionally. 

I don’t want tragedy to have to hit to make people awaken to the beauty and gratitude and abundance we are blessed with.

I will admit, sometimes I feel sorry for myself when I’m in too much pain. Especially at night when I’m in my bed or pacing back and forth in my bedroom while all the world around me is asleep and I’m in my own hell suffering beyond belief.   And I believe that’s ok. Ok to feel sorry for myself on seldom occasions.  But I don’t make a habit of it. Instead I make a habit of being strong and thankful and optimistic and positive whether or not I’m in pain.

My heart goes out to all who are suffering or struggling with pain of any kind, physical or emotional, whether it’s chronic or temporary.   When I’m having a severe  flare up, I hurt for myself but all I can mostly think about is the ones who have it worse and my heart breaks for them. There are people living in constant agony and not just occasional flare ups. And some people’s situations makes it harder to handle or live with. Since I myself have pain disorders I thoroughly understand what it’s like. Even if I never experienced chronic pain or severe agony I would be compassionate and understanding for people who do have it but the fact that I have it makes me understand more what it must be like for people always suffering.

Whenever I have a severe flare up, I try to make it a point to list a few things I’m thankful for. I have a choice to either sink into despair and focus on the pain all around or focus on beauty and hope. Today I choose Hope & Beauty.

Here’s my list:

1.) I’m thankful for the books and plays I’m blessed to have come across.

2.) I’m grateful for the songs I’m blessed to know.

3.) I’m thankful for personal development/self-help techniques

4.) for posting here

5.) for the people I have met on and off line

6.) for my body that functions very well

7.) for everything I have learned

8.) for the cold weather

9.) the beauty outside my window

10.) for blogs

11.) for animals

12.) for life

Pain is real. So is hope.

Much love, blessings, & strength to you all.

Xoxo Kim


365 Project (photos)


(Mom’s slippers)

” A photograph is usually looked at- seldom looked into.”
Ansel Adams

Have you ever heard of the “365 Project?”.

It’s a project where we take a photo each day and upload it to our account on that page. Anyone can set up an account for free and begin whenever you want. You don’t have to upload the picture the day you take it, you can post it whenever you get around to it but put the correct date of when it was taken. You can only put one picture on for each date but you can upload as many as you want on any day.

You can take a pic of anything you want, there are really no rules except I think no risqué photos or anything of that sort. And maybe no violent photos.

I set up an account this morning and have one for Dec. 15th & one for Dec. 16th. It’s a very inspiring project and people have said it’s life changing for the better. Some people are waiting until the new year to begin it.


I love love love LOVE taking pictures, looking at pictures & just everything to do with photography so this is amazing to me! ;-D


It’s like a social media thing, I guess, and you can have favorites and followers and stuff. I love the idea of taking a picture every day and posting it.


I think it’s best and most fulfilling if we take the pictures for us and not stress too much about how good or bad or perfect it is or how popular it will be. It really doesn’t matter as long as YOU like your pictures. 


I only recently heard about this so I haven’t seen too many of people ‘s pictures yet and I’m so happy I have so much to look forward to with it! So many amazing people and photos to come across! 


Here’s my account:

I’m using my phone to take the pictures.



I love how a camera can capture beauty and immortalize it, and photos can speak so much.

Here are some great photography quotes I love!

“To photograph truthfully and effectively is to see beneath the surfaces and record the qualities of nature and humanity which live or are latent in all things.”
Ansel Adams

“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever… it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”
– Aaron Siskind

No, the camera can’t steal the soul. But it can occasionally hold it hostage.
– author unknown

Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.

Dorothea Lange 

What i like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce.
Karl Lagerfeld

Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.
Marc Riboud

A good snapshot keeps a moment from running away.
Eudora Welty

To photograph is to hold one’s breath, when all faculties converge to capture fleeting reality. It’s at that precise moment that mastering an image becomes a great physical and intellectual joy.
Henri Cartier-Bresson

You don’t take a photograph, you make it.
Ansel Adams

Photography is all about secrets. The secrets we all have and will never tell.KKim Edwards

There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs.
Ansel Adams

Xoxo Kim

P.s. If you’re doing this project, I would love to see your pics, you can post the link if you would like to share it with me!

Laughter, here, there, & everywhere ;-p


If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.” ~ Jimmy Buffett

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Mark Twain 

Laughter & amusement have always come so easily to me. Ever since I was a little girl, I laugh so much at everything because I’m genuinely amused. I find dumb jokes hilarious & laughing is the thing that got me in trouble the most in school because I laughed at other kids being bad.  

I laugh a lot when I’m by myself also. I love my own company.  
I love being around lots of people but don’t mind being alone every once in a while.

I remember random things that happened years ago, like when I fell in someone’s throw up in fourth grade in the coat room at the end of the school day and my mom was so disgusted and had to wash all my stuff, and I burst out laughing. I find the same jokes & movies & memories hilarious, over and over.

And I’m not just talking about a little chuckle!   I’m talking about full blown belly laughs that hurt and just won’t end.

It’s a true gift. But it does get me into trouble when I laugh in inappropriate situations.  


When I saw the movie “What Happens in Vegas” in the theatre I laughed so hard, so long that I literally believed I was going insane.   Lol. And it did not help that back then I just got out of a mental hospital right before seeing the movie! I thought I was losing it…..again! lmao

But it was a very healing experience. 

When I saw the movie “American Reunion” in the theatre with my friend, everyone was laughing at some scenes and I was the one laughing long after everyone else stopped. Uncontrollably.   Embarrassing. Lol

I can even be genuinely amused at things when I’m unhappy and even sometimes very depressed.   There’s something so healing about laughing and being amused. It brings me so much hope. 

Not only does it feel amazing, it’s just the fact that knowing that I can still laugh that deeply and be genuinely amused even in the midst of chaos and pain.

It’s a feeling that everything really is ok. It’s hope and healing & happiness. 

I laugh almost everyday at something silly.


I think many people don’t laugh enough. And not because they aren’t the kind of people who love to laugh, not because they need to lighten up. I think they don’t have the opportunities coming to them as naturally as I do.   I don’t know most people but I’m fairly certain that most people aren’t as easily amused as I am over every little stupid thing.

In fact, I can be quite annoying sometimes with my amusement when others just can’t see what I’m so amused about.

My playful, joking personality often clashes with my little sister’s more reserved/mature personality. My mom & sister say I joke too much and too immaturely. 

But that’s just the way I am.

But I know there are people who are naturally just as light and cheerful and silly as I am, just not as easily amused. And I think laughter can heal them. So what to do?

Identify your kind of humor. Think about when you do have those deep, belly laughs.   What usually provokes them? Certain kinds of jokes? Then go online and look for those kinds of jokes frequently. A certain person? See if you can be around that person more often.

How about iPhone autocotrects?! Those things are hilarious beyond words! I laughed myself to sleep one night reading those! ;-D

My auto correct is off its rocker too. Lol!

Funny videos? Look on YouTube for hilarious videos!   

Or go to Google images for funny pictures/memes.


Other people’s embarrassing stories?

Check out Fml stories online! Or the Fml app for some phones!

Whatever it is that amuses you silly, if it doesn’t frequently come to you, how about you go to it instead?! And this can apply to many aspects of life. When something doesn’t come to us, we can go out looking for it.

That’s one thing I’m still learning. I’m not very bold and outgoing and am forever just waiting for people and things and opportunities to come to me. But that won’t always happen. So we have to get going and pursue the things we need & want.
When opportunity knocks, open the door


If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”
Milton Berle 

I discovered a photo distortion app on my phone and am having wayyyy too much fun with it! Lol

I got a serious case of the giggles! ;-p


You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby 

Here are some hilarious things to check out!

Hilarious auto corrects:

Comic relief for depressed/suicidal people:

FML stories:

Funny panda video:



Funny Jimmy Buffett songs :

The Asshole Song


Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes




I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Ooh, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside” ~
Neil Sedaka – Laughter In The Rain

Xoxo Kim

Accountability & Hilarious victim mentality quotes


I read a self -help book some years ago called “You Can’t Avoid the Luxury of a Negative Thought”  (A book for People with Any Life-Threatening Illness – Including Life) by John – Roger & Peter McWilliams.

This is a book for anyone interested in self help techniques, learning about positive thinking and letting go of negative habits.

I lost the copy I had years ago and recently my dad just gave me another  copy he is done with and I started reading it again.   I remember that years ago I laughed so hard at some things written in this book.   One of the sections I laughed at uncontrollably is about “Accountability.”. It’s a section in the book intended to help people recognize that we have the ability to make choices and we should take responsibility for our own lives & happiness.  

We shouldn’t feel guilty for making bad decisions and the authors aren’t “accusing” people for being in bad situations. They are intending to help empower us by helping us see that we have the ability to make positive choices and changes & respond positively to bad things that happen in our lives. And knowing that we brought some things on ourselves is a good thing because it empowers us to know we have control over much of our lives.

In this section they provide a list of things real people said after getting in car accidents that were their own fault. 

These people may not have realized they were doing this but after the accident many were putting the responsibility on anything other than themselves, including inanimate objects such as a telephone poll.  They weren’t trying to be amusing but they sure are funny! 

I remember years ago, reading the people’s brief quotes, I almost died laughing.   And when I picked up the book to read again recently I wondered if I would find them just as amusing as I did back then.   I could only vaguely remember them.  But I remembered how I laughed til it hurt!

So I flipped through the book to find that section and read the list and…… found them as hilarious as ever!! I laughed so much my mom said it’s ridiculous! Lol

She wasn’t amused though! She said they’re really stupid quotes. 

I am one of those ones who can laugh at the same joke & movie and memories over & over.   It never gets old! Some people find that so annoying! But I have a lot of fun! ;-D

The authors provided these real life quotes to get a point across but also for some comic relief. I know I probably shouldn’t be so amused over accidents. But it’s not the accidents themselves that are amusing; it’s the things people say!  

I hope no one was seriously injured in these accidents.   

At least we know the people responsible for the accidents lived well enough to tell about it!  

These were taken out of real auto insurance reports.

“Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.” 

“The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”

“I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.”

“The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

“The telephone poll was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.”

(this has to be the most hilarious, to me!!) 

“I pulled away from the side of the road,glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”

The authors encourage readers to think about something unpleasant that happened that we once considered to be something or someone else’s fault completely but when we think back, we, ourselves, may see that we in fact played a part in bringing it on ourselves. If we develop this skill, we can learn to empower ourselves, taking responsibility in a positive way and seeing how we have the ability to make effective choices & learn lessons through mistakes.

They say to: Go back in time: think back to something that happened to you that you were unhappy about and claimed that someone else was responsible.  

My own example: My food often gets eaten by my dogs and sometimes I get angry at them for eating it.   One day I bought two delicious looking pink cake pops at Starbucks that I couldn’t wait to eat. One was for my sister. I brought them home and had to go right back out and I forgot to put the cake pops away and when I came home my dog already ate them. I was so disappointed but also amused. I was so tempted to say it was my dog’s fault but I know when I leave food out and they eat it, it’s my fault.

Here’s a great country song called, “Choices” by George Jones



I love it and find it so comforting when I’m in a depressed mood.

Xoxo Kim


Love prevails <3


” For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
Ivan Panin .” I read this:

And it reminds me of a topic I have previously thought about: giving without any underlying agenda or expectations.

I receive many, many messages on Facebook. I keep my Facebook page public and add strangers when they seem kind and friendly or we have similar interests….

Many messages I receive are very sweet and friendly, others are creepy & perverted, much of it is spam messages, invitations for things, advertisements….

I don’t always check my inbox messages on Facebook & I NEVER delete any. Ever. And it seems that Facebook inbox messages never go away themselves so I have messages that I had since 2005 in my inbox. With thousands of Facebook friends, I get many notifications, some are just notifying me that people commented on someone ‘s picture or status that I previously commented on.

I don’t always go through every notification that pops up on my phone. Sometimes I check my phone and it says “77 notifications!”. I click the message and it goes away. So I tend to miss some messages that people comment to

me. When I see a sweet message written to me, I am likely to respond.   Sometimes I intend to respond later & forget that I never did, not trying to be rude or arrogant at all.

Anyway, every now & then I receive a rude/angry comment by someone who has written to me previously and I failed to respond.

This happened recently.  

I completely understand how people want someone to respond to them when they write a kind message to that person. I see nothing wrong with hoping for a response and even being disappointed if the person doesn’t write back.

But when someone writes a compliment to someone and doesn’t get a response back for the compliment and therefore gets angry at the person for not responding to the compliment & writes again demanding a response, in my opinion, it shows that the person who wrote the compliment wasn’t being completely selfless & maybe had an underlying expectation or agenda. If you’re being purely selfless & compliment a stranger you come across online, you may hope for a response but you likely won’t get furious and send rude follow up messages if you don’t get one.

When people do that, it’s as if they want appreciation for their appreciation and that’s really why they sent the compliment and not out of pure selflessness to compliment a person they like.  

Someone recently sent me a Facebook message and I opened it and it is by a person I don’t know angrily asking me to take him off my friends list. And saying I don’t care about him and what’s wrong with me and things like that. I was confused until I saw that he previously wrote me a message complimenting my body. It’s not a completely vulgar message like some I receive but it’s not a very sweet message either. But I guess he thought he was being kind. And I missed it.

This isn’t the first angry person who wrote to me thinking I intentionally ignored his compliment. He said he’s sorry he complimented me and regrets it. 

Some messages I saw many months after a person wrote to me and I responded very late and they even wrote rude messages back to me about me taking so long to respond. 

I don’t like offending people and if I ever do, it’s usually not intentional.  

But if he was genuinely complimenting me for me and not to get a sweet response in return, he probably wouldn’t be regretting writing to me. He may be sad, disappointed, maybe even devastated if he’s really sensitive or really likes me but I don’t think he would be sending angry messages to me for not writing back.

I have also seen comments like that on people’s blogs. When someone neglected to respond to a compliment, the person who complimented got angry then started slinging insults at the person for not writing back. 

I write comments to strangers a lot on blogs & Facebook.   Some are long & in depth, some are brief, most of them are compliments expressing appreciation & gratitude for the impact that the person has on people.

The more open someone is and the more receptive someone seems, the more likely I am to write to that person.

Many people respond to me & some never do. Some, I even see responding to others and not me. But I never regret complimenting that person and don’t wish to take back what I wrote. The fact that the person doesn’t respond to me won’t lessen the positive impact the person has on me or lessen my gratitude & appreciation for that person’s life.  I’m still blessed.

Not all people I like/love & appreciate have to appreciate or love me back. Not everyone will appreciate my appreciation. It’s ok. 

First of all, you can’t really know for sure why someone isn’t responding. There may be a chance the person missed your comment or had every intention to write back but never got around to it.  Or maybe the person really doesn’t appreciate your kindness or is actually being rude. I think that’s ok. It’s not pleasant but it happens. Even the kindest, sweetest person can be rude or uncaring sometimes.

I think it would be great for us all to try to be more selfless & do things for people, even strangers, with no expectations for something Tangible In return and no expectations or demands for a response or payback.

If you see a person online you genuinely appreciate, maybe a writer/blogger, or just a very sweet person how about taking the chance and complimenting the person without demanding a response? I’m very shy but not as shy as I used to be. I used to hardly ever even comment on people’s Facebook statuses because I was so shy. Now I’m often still shy to send e-mails & inbox messages to people I don’t know or don’t know well but I do write blog comments much more & public Facebook messages to people. Some days I’m more shy than others & some moments I get more courage. Lol

Someone on Facebook recently told me to “save my heart for someone who cares” but I decided against that. I’m not going to hold back. I’m going to give & love and give & love some more even if people don’t care. I’m going to love people, animals, life itself…. I’m going to love in general. Love is my way of being. My way of living.  Rejection, being ignored, being the target of cruelty or indifference, being ridiculed & abandoned hurts but it won’t stop me.  My love is stronger. 

Of course we want people we really like to like us back. It’s good to want people to like us and to be affected by others & the world around us. If we put up walls to keep people out and repress our desire to fit in with people, our relationships with other people & the world won’t be as deep.   Even unpleasant emotions and painful feelings are ok. We can accept them and move forward.

“Pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return.”~Peace Pilgrim

“True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return.”

Xoxo Kim

Some comforting words about moving forward {and book review} 314


A few months ago I read a book (fiction) called “314” by A.R. Wise. It’s book I of a trilogy. It is the most bizarre book I have ever read in all of my days and probably will be the most bizarre one I ever read. I can’t even begin to explain. Lol. It’s freaky and just weird beyond words.   It’s very violent in some parts and I don’t usually like stuff like that but I love this book. I couldn’t put it down. I soothed my conscience by telling myself that it’s ok because the stuff in the book can’t really happen. Lol. It takes place in 1996 and also in 2012.   It flashes back & forth and sometimes it’s both 1996 & 2012 at the same second!   Lol. It’s like two different dimensions clash.

If you want to read this book and don’t want to know much about it before reading you may not want to continue reading my post, I’m not giving away any serious spoilers but there may be some minor ones. Since I haven’t read book iii I don’t really know what in the world is going on anyway.

A green fog comes in a town called Widowsfield and a lot of people disappear and no one knows why. People come up with all sorts of theories. But some characters keep reliving stuff over and over. Out of the green fog comes young children who are human but have dog-like features like dog snouts and claws and they rip people to shreds killing them but then the same people come back again later and are alive and well then it happens again and again. The people keep feeling as if they know certain things but don’t know how or why. They sort of know they’re about to die but aren’t exactly certain. They’re very confused. They have a sense of what’s happening but then again have no idea.

I just read Book ii of this trilogy and love it!! It’s just freakishly amazing! Lol. Nothing really makes sense but in another way it does.   
In the second book things start coming together in a way but getting more strange as well.

This author has to be a brilliant, creative man and in his afterwords he seems so modest and caring.

The second book is fascinating and deeply Philosophical.  It also has some underlying messages about life.  Just like book I,  It’s about a group of friends, some have known each other for a while and some just met. They’re the same characters as in the first but with a few new people.  The main character, Alma, is twenty -four years old and her and her friends go to Widowsfield to try to find out what bizarre mysterious thing happened in 1996. In 1996, Alma’s brother vanished when the fog came. She was eight years old & he was ten years old. They were with their dad and his girl who he was cheating on his wife with. They were in his girl’s cabin.

After it all occurred, Alma and her dad could not really remember Alma’s brother. It’s like he vanished out of their reality and their memories. The book gets weirder and weirder all throughout Books I & ii. In the beginning of Book I, a little boy starts saying weird stuff and telling his dad to kill himself saying “You can’t handle what’s coming. No one can.” and the dad is freaked out and calls the emergency people thinking his son is going “crazy ” and then he hears the emergency operator die over the phone. Then his son tells him to let him kill him or he will kill himself. The little boy has all his friends over and they all tell the dad that he must let them boil him to death in the bath tub or that his son will slit his own throat. The dad is so freaked out. The son tells him he has no choice but to kill himself or to kill his own dad…..”again!!”

Yup, it’s just over the moon crazy!! 😉

Book iii isn’t out yet. They’re ebooks. I don’t know if they also can be bought in print or whatever. Book I was free and Book ii was about three dollars I think. 

But anyway there are some inspiring scenes in the book I just read.

The girl, Alma, whose brother disappeared in 1996 meets a little girl but the little girl isn’t real. She’s kind of ghost -like or a figment of someone’s imaginings. She was sent to Alma to help protect Alma.  She is a very wise little girl. And she has some comforting words for Alma. Alma’s life has been painful. She’s a young teacher. Her dad was abusive to her and her brother and he still comes after her as an adult. He is addicted to the meth drug. Her mom went insane after her son (Alma’s brother) disappeared
And she became sick with severe depression.   And she died by suicide because she couldn’t handle her son being missing.

Then Alma watches her friends dying over and over all day everyday and she is so confused and worn out and knows her own life is in danger.   All the characters think they’re going crazy.  Alma just wants to give up. Just when she collapses outside thinking she can’t go on anymore, a little girl about ten years old comes to Alma. She reminds Alma of herself when she was a little girl.

This little girl takes Alma’s hand and says:

“It’s not a bad thing to remember our worst days but it’s important that we learn to move on. “

Alma responds saying

“I’ve had a lot of bad days.”. 

The little girl puts her head against Alma’s arm and says

“I know you have. But you can’t let those bad days ruin the ones you’ve got left to live.”. 

This is so true and I think we can all benefit by heeding this little girl’s wisdom. It’s ok to remember our painful experiences but we should never allow them to hold us back or let them make us give up. We can heal and move forward.  

Whatever pain you have encountered previously and may even be experiencing now, you can heal even if you never forget.

I find this so helpful & comforting. Sometimes I let pain, either current or previous, make me want to give up on life itself and everything and feel that I can’t go on or don’t want to go on. This reminds me to keep going and it will be Ok. There is still so much life within even when it feels so broken.

Here are some inspiring quotes!

“When you welcome your emotions as teachers, every emotion brings good news, even the ones that are painful.” Gary Zukav

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” Eckhart Tolle

“Be universal in your love. You will see the universe to be the picture of your own being.” Sri Chinmoy

“Where there is love there is life.” Mahatma Gandhi

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” Steve Maraboli

“Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.”
Sai Baba