Tag Archive | beauty

Marilyn’s Diary πŸ’œ



(This is a pic I took of a picture of Marilyn Monroe and I edited my pic with glitch apps – Glitch photography is my favorite hobby!)

“Sex is a baffling thing when it doesn’t happen. I used to wake up in the morning, when I was married, and wonder if the whole world was crazy, whooping about sex all the time. It was like hearing all the time that stove polish was the greatest invention on Earth.
Then it dawned on me that people – other women – were different than me. They could feel things I couldn’t. And when I started reading books I ran into the words ‘frigid,’ ‘rejected,’ and ‘lesbian.’ I wondered if I was all three of those things.

A man who had kissed me once had said it was very possible I was a lesbian because I apparently had no response to males — meaning him. I didn’t contradict him because I didn’t know what I was. There were times even when I didn’t feel human and times when all I could think of was dying. There was also the sinister fact that a well-made woman had always thrilled me to look at.”

“Why I was a siren, I hadn’t the faintest idea. There were no thoughts of sex in my head. I didn’t want to be kissed, and I didn’t dream of being seduced by a duke or a movie star. The truth was that with all my lipstick and mascara and precarious curves, I was unsensual as a fossil. But I seemed to affect people quite otherwise.”

“I have noticed since that men usually leave married women alone, and are inclined to treat all wives with respect. This is no great credit to married women. Men are always ready to respect anything that bores them. The reason most wives, even pretty ones, wear such a dull look is because they’re respected so much.
Maybe it was my fault that the men in the factory tried to date me and buy me drinks. I didn’t feel like a married woman. I was completely faithful to my overseas husband, but that wasn’t because I loved him or even because I had moral ideas. My fidelity was due to my lack of interest in sex.”

I love, love, LOVE these quotes attributed to Marilyn Monroe! Said to be found in a journal of hers that no one knew about. There is some debate about whether she was a homosexual woman or maybe an asexual woman. (Asexual meaning a person who experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone of any gender- It’s an orientation[an uncommon one] like heterosexuality or homosexuality, for example, and common for asexual people to have no sex drive and not like/want sexual activity, and there are also asexual people who do like/want sexual activity and have a sex drive, just not directed at anyone in particular – They are called sex favorable asexuals, aces who don’t care about sexual activity either way, can go happily forever without it but may accept an offer, are called sex indifferent, and aces who will not try sexual activity or try it and are repulsed and don’t want it ever are called sex repulsed asexuals – all of these are equally asexual and equally valid – It is a destructive misconception that asexuality means wanting no sex – it means experiencing sexual attraction much less frequently than the average person, some experience it not at all and not all but most aces grow up asexual. Very common for aces to not want sexual activity at all ever but also ones who love it or engage in it for other purposes- There are asexual sex workers and promiscuous asexual people and I support them all!).

An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction – they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or better; we just face a different set of needs and challenges than most sexual people do. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community in the needs and experiences often associated with sexuality including relationships, attraction, and arousal.Asexuality.org

Ironically Marilyn was viewed as a sex symbol, very sexy, and very sexual and believed to be very into men. (And there is nothing wrong with a woman being very sexual and into men and being promiscuous and expressing her sexuality! It’s a great way to be! I support all women and women freely expressing their sexuality how they please. πŸ’œ) But according to some of the things said to be written in her journal, she wasn’t into men at all. People assume that because a woman dresses and carries herself a certain way, it’s automatically for men or automatically sexual. But believe it or not, some women love and are sexually attracted to other women. And some don’t love anyone that way and/or are attracted to no one and are not sexual beings at all(some who are on the asexual spectrum and the aromantic spectrum[little to no romantic attraction to anyone of any gender]).

And many women dress how we do for our own selves! I know, shocking, right?! Everything we do doesn’t revolve around men and/or sex. Sorry. Not sorry. But it’s twisted how society is so sex crazed and heterosexist/heteronormative and projects it onto us all. It’s a perversion. People sexualize little girls who wear leggins and short shirts/gymnastics clothing and that is repulsive. Little girls dress like that because they like it and the clothes are comfy and cute. Anyone who says otherwise is perverted and sexualizing them. And they do this to us at every age. Nothing wrong with an age appropriate woman dressing to express her sexuality but not all who dress a certain way are!

It’s hard to tell if her attraction to women was purely aesthetic or sexual. Aesthetic attraction is loving to look at someone because of how the person looks. Some people are homoaesthetic and love to check out people of their own gender but there is no desire to touch or have any kind of sexual contact with them. It’s like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or flowers….Often sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction go together but some developed the aesthetic attraction without the sexual aspect. Homosexual women, for example, are usually inherently homoaesthetic (love to look at/check out other women) but ace girls and straight girls can be too. And it’s possible for a homosexual woman to prefer looking at men than women. So heteroaesthetic. Or possibly bi/panaesthetic if they love looking at men and women and/or people of other genders. This is true for any genders. I’m using women as an example because I’m a woman myself. But men can love looking at other men whether or not they are sexually attracted to them. And homosexual men can love looking at women. Some even love boobs. Lol

To me this sounds more like she was asexual with no sex drive (not a disorder, just another way to be – usually no or low sex drive is the result of a dysfunction or illness or is a dysfunction but in the case of Asexual people, it’s not and is part of being asexual for that person, same with sex repulsion; if someone is sex repulsed that may be the result of trauma or a negative experience or unhealthy upbringing/religious views but when asexual people are sex repulsed, it’s usually just part of being asexual for that person; not all asexual people are sex repulsed though) but she very well could have been homosexual but since she grew up in a heterosexist/heteronormative society and believed she was supposed to like men, never even realized that there was another possibility for her – being attracted to women. So she mistook her lack of interest in men as a lack of interest in sexual activity itself or completely.

As little girls, we are constantly told we like boys or will grow up liking boys/men. By everyone, friends, parents, teachers, family members, the media, boys/men…even today, little girls are still expected to grow up and marry or “end up with” a man. We are automatically asked “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?” “Who/when was your first boyfriend/kiss/crush?” As if we necessarily must have had a kiss or want one or have had a crush(some people don’t have crushes or fall in love romantically and are called aromantic – some aros do rarely have crushes or fall in love and some never do) or as if women by default love men and love sexual activity with men. And are met with shock, surprise, confusion, sometimes outright denial or insults if we say never, or that we’re not into that, or are same-sex/gender oriented. Yes, even in 2020, some people cannot handle diversity, homosexuality, or anything other than cis heterosexuality. Many women who are not into men, sexually/romantically, force themselves into relationships/encounters with men just to appear or “be normal.” And some are confused and genuinely believe for a while that they must be hetero/straight since it’s programed into us since birth that we like boys/men. Some women don’t realize til much later that they never liked men that way. (Of course, some women who aren’t attracted to men engage in sexual activity with men because they genuinely want to for any reason and that is ok! No one says we have to be attracted to someone to engage in sexual activity with them. I’m referring to those who force it or are confused into it.)

Men send us “dick pics” without even knowing if we like men or male assigned sex organs, assuming we do or that if we don’t, they can “fix” us, straighten us out.

(This post isn’t about what some men do to women[and some women also do things to men that is wrong]; that’s just an example; this post is about a larger issue of what society does to people who are not heterosexual/straight/cis, particularly women since Marilyn is a woman and so am I)

It’s not unheard of for a homosexual or asexual woman to hear “I can turn you straight.” Cishet women are not invalidated this way. No one expects her to turn homo or ace the way they expect & or hope an ace woman or homosexual woman will turn straight. Heterosexuality is validated just by its existence and prevalence. Cishet girls and women don’t have to feel emotionally coerced into sexual activity and romantic relationships with other women and have their identities invalidated by society, friends, family, everyone. (Though, tragically, many, if not most, heterosexual women ARE emotionally [and even physically forced] coerced into sexual activity with men, often boyfriends/husbands/dates/romantic interests…and this is a serious problem that is also not ok and very destructive to the women it happens to – It’s just as bad as being assaulted by a stranger out on a street and it’s much more common and often “normalized,” which is absolutely wrong)

Society doesn’t give us the possibility of growing up liking girls or not liking anyone that way or just wanting to be single no matter who we are attracted to or not attracted to. When we’re perpetually single, we’re constantly nagged about why and having people incessantly trying to set us up on dates or for romantic relationships as if we aren’t worthy or whole on our own, as if we’re a pathetic existence to be pitied by everyone around us and society as a whole. We see/hear the jokes and ridicule towards people who aren’t “getting any,” are “still single,” and “need to get laid.”

Women often hear: “You need to get yourself a man/a good man.”

Any so called flaw we may display, we are met with “No wonder you’re still single,” as if single is inherently wrong or bad.

Homophobia is much less common now, thankfully! Society (at least U.S. society) is very accepting of homosexuality now; many are even appalled by homophobia. There are many cishet allies who speak out against homophobia. It is still around, for sure, but much less common.

But we still have a serious issue with heteronormativity or heterosexism, assuming that everyone is straight, straight by default, ignoring lgbt identities and couples….this is destructive to lgbt and asexual youth and adults.

How many of us have had a little friend who is a boy when we were little and have a teacher or neighbor say “aww you have a little boyfriend?” That may seem innocent enough but it’s not so innocent when we already know we aren’t into boys. How many women, no matter our orientation, have been close friends or casual acquaintances with a man, one hundred percent purely platonic and have people “suspicious” that we’re actually together or interested romantically/sexually in each other or people straight up tell us they “know” we’re “seeing” or screwing each other whether we say so or not? And flat out tell us we’re lying when we say he’s a friend. Or right away when we are with a man “Is that your boyfriend?” But when we’re with a girl, no one asks “Is that your girlfriend?”

Very invalidating to platonic friendships which are just as beautiful as romantic ones.

And very invalidating & destructive to women who aren’t even into men that way. There is a suffocating sense of exclusion, of being invisible for many of those who turn out not cishet or straight, adults and youth alike.

Women & girls are incessantly demanded in medical settings to get pregnancy tests without being questioned to see if it’s necessary and are not believed/are invalidated if we explain that it’s not. Cis Heterosexuality is inherently favored just to be “on the safe side.” Most women are cis heterosexual. There are also bisexual & pansexual women who are sexually attracted to men. And some homosexual & asexual women do engage in sexual activity with men for various reasons(which is completely ok if they freely choose it). So in medical settings it’s safest to force or demand a pregnancy test(& other tests that may not be very necessary for certain asexual women – the pap test and hpv or other sti test that is centered primarily around sexual contact – It’s like an obsession that ignores ace women who are & have always been & always will be celibate & have no gyn issues or symptoms of anything – trying to force an allo identity onto someone or some aspect of another identity that doesn’t apply). It’s invalidating and erases the identities of homosexual & asexual women (or any woman in a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship with another woman) who don’t engage in sexual activity with men, possibly never have, and have no intention to. If we tell them there is no way we can have an sti(in the case of a celibate asexual person) or be pregnant (in the case of an asexual or homosexual woman who does not engage in sexual activity with men), they sometimes have the nerve to tell us that there is no way we can be sure. As if there is no such thing as a virgin, a celibate person, or a lesbian, or other woman who hasn’t engaged in sexual activity with men recently or at all (bi or pan women in relationships with other women, for example).
It may be safest and necessary overall but that doesn’t take away the pain of being erased in favor of another identity. Just one of the challenges growing up as an identity that isn’t cishet. Some aspects are no one’s fault but that doesn’t erase the pain, the sense of exclusion, the loneliness sometimes accompanied by being different than the average person in a seemingly significant way.

Allosexuality/Heterosexuality is automatically forced upon us all. And for most people, this is not painful or invalidating or erasure. It’s not exclusion to them and not suffocating because they are heterosexual (or allosexual, which is anyone who is not asexual so this includes cishets and lgbt people – it means people who experience sexual attraction, which is almost everyone, 99 percent of people) and don’t give it a second thought.

It’s invalidating. And anxiety provoking. It “confirms” that we’re not “right.” It erases our identity and tries to force another one upon us. One that is unnatural to us, foreign, one that makes no sense.

And when we don’t fit this mold or “one size fits all,” we grow up confused, repressing, mortified, scared, maybe even suicidal.

Yes, heterosexism/heteronormativity can contribute to depression, anxiety, & suicidal tendencies in some of those who are not hetero/straight. It’s erasure, societal abuse, invalidation. And in the case of asexuality, it’s not exactly anyone’s fault as no one really knows asexual people exist. Asexual people do not even know asexual people exist and grow up utterly confused, mortified, many feeling broken. But I suspect even if most people did know, they would still ignore, exclude, and invalidate asexual people as they do homosexual people. Everyone knows homosexual women exist. Yet every woman gets asked “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?” Or gets sent a dick pic or is demanded to take a pregnancy test during medical checkups, or asked out by men without being asked if she even likes men that way. Or just gets any remarks made, questions asked that assumes she loves men or sex with men.

I think Marilyn was all of these things, anxious, depressed, suicidal…at different points.

But whatever her experience, it seems like Miss Marilyn was very misunderstood. I can strongly relate to her in some ways. One thing I love about Marilyn Monroe is how it seems like every one of us or so many can see some part of our own self in her, no matter our background or experiences. Some relate to her through experience with physical illness, some through psychiatric illness, some through shared experiences with sexuality, some through similar experiences with abuse or body image or self love…or any other thing. It’s like there’s something in her for all of us, something that speaks to us in a way that only the two of us can understand, something unique to us but completely understood by her, like she lovingly holds up a shattered mirror and there’s a jagged piece for each one of us, holding us in its knowing reflection.


If anyone reads this, thanks for reading!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! 😁

Xoxo Kim πŸ’œ

It’s beginning to look a lot like…❄❄❄ [Snowy day in Philadelphia!πŸ˜‚]


It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas here in Philadelphia! Snow in October?! ❄ πŸŽƒ All these pictures were taken today! Lol

And it’s like 80 degrees here!

It’s fake! It’s a movie set. There’s a movie being filmed on the street I work! I had no clue what was going on, all this stuff that looks identical to actual snow all over the ground and falling out of the sky! ❄❄❄ Police officers and lots of other people. And the street is blocked off and security people wouldn’t let me on the street but I saw little kids, in back of the ropes blocking the street, playing in the snow and someone filming them and I was wondering why these kids are allowed to play in this stuff on a street that is blocked off but I’m not allowed on the street to go to work?!? To go to my job! But they get to play! And why does this stuff look exactly like snow?! Then I later realized the kids are actors doing their own job. 🀣 πŸ˜‚ I thought the camera person was their dad filming them playing. Lol It really just looked like a couple of kids playing and their dad filming them with an extra large camera(though he did seem a bit more professional about it 😁). I should have known something was up with so many people and large cameras and Christmas trees in October, then I realized they must be making a movie. Then found out for sure the next day when they rudely told me I was interfering with their filming. Well, I can say the same about them, you’re all interfering with my dogwalking. πŸ˜„ πŸ’©

A few years ago here in Philadelphia no one was hurt, thankfully, but there was an explosion and some soft stuff started falling seemingly out of the sky and onto the ground and I thought something like that happened again at first when I saw the fake snow falling and police. But just a movie being filmed here in the lovely City of Brotherly Love. πŸ”” It’s a Christmas scene being filmed. They are filming day & night. The street is all decorated and houses all decked out. There are Christmas πŸŽ„ lights wrapped around the trees. The poor people who live on that street have to have their houses decorated whether they want it or not! And fake snow all over and tracked into their houses. Oh, well. I wouldn’t mind. My baby here in these pictures was confused and checking out the snow. He’s only a baby so I don’t know if he ever saw snow before for real. Lol He’s a very big lab puppy.

I got to meet Adam Sandler! 🀩😍

Lol jk But he is in this movie! πŸŽ₯

And the snow is dry and warm. I felt it. Lol ❄ Feels nothing like real snow. It’s powdery.

Anyway, they had to let me on the street. It’s an interesting experience to be one of the very rare ones in the city allowed to walk onto a movie set. I got to see “Behind the scenes!” 😁Security people weren’t happy about it but I am. And I am thrilled to see some Holiday cheer in October! πŸ‚πŸπŸŽ…πŸ€Ά The actors and other workers were singing Christmas songs not as part of the movie, just for fun. Lol And they came to see my dog! πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸΎ

Perfection πŸ’œ

I’m Beautiful – Bette Midler

“Well, I woke up one morning
Flossed my teeth and decided
‘Damn, I’m fierce!'”

There’s a movie I watched recently, called, “A Perfect Ending.” It’s about a wife who is not in a happy marriage with her husband. They were never truly happy together and she never felt passion in their relationship.
There are lots of sexual scenes in this movie, just in case anyone (sex repulsed asexuals, for example) needs a content warning. And some of the scenes seem to involve BDSM(very brief and hazy scenes if I remember correctly). There is nothing wrong with this; it’s all consenting adults. But anyone who has been traumatized in any way may be triggered by any scene that appears to be an assault scene even if it’s not. For anyone who doesn’t know, BDSM(Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism, Dominance, Submission ?) , is an activity that some people like to do where they tie each other up or one ties the other up, and scream and stuff, hitting and strangling may be involved, usually for sexual purposes, but some people like to leave the sexual aspect out and just hit/strangle each other and stuff(or one hits/strangles the other) just for thrills without the sexual aspect. lol It’s all consensual so it’s all good! If I was going to do that, I would leave the sexual out of it. lol They may be couples or groups of people involved. They can be any genders. If I was going to try it, I would choose a woman to be dominant over me. I could never hit her or strangle her even if she wanted it. I don’t have it in me. I don’t want to be hit either though. Or choked to death. lol But I would take it before I would dish it out. They have a safe word that gets the dominant person to stop the strangling and stuff. It’s something that is not “No, stop, don’t” because they scream those words to make it feel real. So when they really want someone to stop, they have a word they say. I don’t know much about BDSM at all, just a very limited idea. People into BDSM are just ordinary people with a kink; any kind of person can be into it.

Hopefully, I am not saying anything disrespectful or completely inaccurate since I am not very educated on the topic.

Some people get a thrill out of inflicting pain upon a consenting adult or being the target of pain inflicted by someone else. Like I said, nothing wrong with it; whatever floats your boat as long as it’s all consensual and adults. But someone who has actually been assaulted before or experienced any kind of trauma may be triggered seeing someone tied up and screaming even if the people like it and are consenting. Our brain can’t tell the difference. And it does look scary.

Anyway, this movie is not about that at all. There is just like one or two very brief scenes I think, involving it. So just a heads up!

And there is one scene I don’t understand. It is a flashback or memory that looks like an actual assault scene(not real, of course, but real in the movie, not BDSM) , just in case anyone needs a trigger warning.

The movie also involves terminal illness. When I struggled with health anxiety for six months in 2019, I could not watch movies involving cancer. My health anxiety started out as a horrific irrational (irrational because I obsessed almost every second of every day for six months and had no true reason to believe I was sick) fear of melanoma then turned to fear of all cancer in general. Someone in the movie has terminal cancer and dies at the end. It is made clear in the beginning that someone is sick and is running out of options but we do not know who until the end. We just hear a doctor talking and see pill bottles and a cemetery stone and a casket with flowers in different scenes. We also see a paper saying someone has malignant melanoma that has metastatized(sp?? I dont care to look up the spelling) and is inoperable.

I won’t give away any very big spoilers but if anyone wants to watch without knowing anymore details, skip this post for now!

Mini spoiler warning
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The wife, who is very rich, financially, mentions to her friends that she is not and has never really been in love with her husband of many years. She only married him because she was a single mom of a toddler and wanted security. She mentions that she wants passion like they have in their relationship and sexual pleasure, which she has never experienced. So they suggest that she gets a callgirl and hooks up with her. They think maybe she needs a woman; they are certain that women are better lovers than men. lol (I wouldn’t know but sure they are right! 🀣😁)

(Also, I know not everyone is either a man or a woman – there are some who are non-binary or a combination of male, female, or other…In the movie they were talking about men & women though so that is why I only mentioned them. I’m not excluding anyone)

So she gets involved with a much younger and stunningly beautiful callgirl. At first it’s meant to be strictly bussiness. The woman pays the other woman for sexual pleasure and the other woman gladly accepts the money. But they soon fall madly in love with each other and it’s no longer about business. The callgirl, Paris, quits taking on other clients and wants to stay with this one woman, whose husband has no idea she is cheating. Her husband has never tried to make her feel loved and cares much about appearance and perfection. The wife has felt very insecure for years.

The younger woman, Paris, is very loving and wise.
There is a scene where the two women are laying in bed together and the young woman is stroking the older woman’s skin. She reaches for her stomach and Rebecca, the other woman, stops her.
This is a brief and beautiful conversation they have during this scene, packed with wisdom.
Rebecca: “Don’t; I hate my stomach. I haven’t been to the gym in way too long. I used to have a pretty good body before kids and menopause. I never looked like you though. Wow.
Paris: (Referring to her own physical beauty) This, this doesn’t mean anything. Rebecca.
Rebecca: I hate that I did this. (I think she’s referring to a body modification, maybe implants, but not sure)
Paris: Why did you?
Rebecca: It was a birthday present from Mason. He loves perfection. It’s sort of the one thing we have in common. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be perfect. I never felt good enough, or thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough.
Paris: All of the things that make us not perfect are what make us so perfectly who we are. That’s who you are, Rebecca. Perfection.

Isn’t this beautiful? A great reminder to us all!

It’s a sweet & beautiful love story if you ignore the fact that she’s cheating on her husband. lol Not that this makes it ok but her husband is not the best; he’s not very loving to her; their marriage is stagnant, and worst of all, he does not think of or treat her daughter as his own even though he brought her up since she was a baby. He only regards the younger brothers as his since they are biologically his. I would leave him just for that. If someone is important to us, I believe their kids should be too. If I have a friend with kids, I love her kids automatically. Also, I don’t have much experience with human children but I cannot imagine bringing up a child and not loving the child like my own and regarding the child like my own. I’m a pet nanny and I love all the furballs like my own n they are not mine in any way at all.

I love the character, Paris, the callgirl. She’s intelligent and wise and sexy and confident. She’s also compassionate. She experienced something traumatic and devastating, previously. Some may have a serious issue with her since a married woman is cheating on her husband with Paris and Paris knows she is married. But if you can forget that little detail, you may just fall in love with her. lol 😍

Whenever I watch a movie that is especially packed with wisdom or has a scene in it with a wise or beautiful message, I love to share!
So the message here is we are all beautiful, especially because of our flaws and perfect because of our imperfections. And while the physical beauty of a person is pleasing, it is not important and actually means nothing.

This does not mean not to get all dolled up or cosmetic surgery if we want and not take pleasure in someone else’s or our own beauty, just that there are more important aspects of a person. Of course beauty, hair, makeup salons are all good! I love looking at beautiful women and I follow many fashion and makeup accounts! But I know a good personality, a loving heart, is more pleasing than a pretty face or banging body. Also, more potential to be longer lasting.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❀

Xoxo Kim

Aesthetic Attraction πŸ₯°πŸ’‹

Me! πŸ–€

She’s A Bad Mama Jama (She’s Built, She’s Stacked) πŸ’š

“She’s poetry in motion
Beautiful sight to see
I get so excited
Viewing her anatomy” πŸ’œ

Fun fact about me: I have a very strong aesthetic attraction to women, always have. Only women, both trans and cis. In case anyone is not sure what trans & cis are: A trans woman(SHE/HER – unless she states otherwise) is a person who has a body that is considered to be the body of a male(has male sexual organs) and has the gender identity/mind of a female. When they are open about it/choose to act on/express their gender identity, they often transition to whichever degree they choose(clothing, hormones, surgery…all or any of these and maybe other things) and look just like cis women look. A cis woman(SHE/HER -unless she states otherwise) is what most women are, a person who has the body of a female(female sexual organs) and also the gender identity/mind of a female and often look the way trans women who transition look. Trans and cis women are equally women no matter what organs we have or don’t have. This goes without saying but some people need to be reminded.

And sometimes, I have the aesthetic attraction to non-binary people(these are people who have any sexual organs but do not necessarily have the gender identity of a male or a female – they may have aspects of both or be agender and not have female or male aspects or some[not all] can feel male sometimes and later female or later feel agender – it’s not a choice and is valid even if it were a choice…these are just a couple examples of non-binary; there may be more and often non-binary people identify as THEY/THEM but it’s important to ask if we do not know -if unsure, asking anyone “What are your pronouns?” is completely acceptable and appropriate even someone who looks like a traditional/typical woman or man. And it’s not offensive to trans people; it is appreciated and welcome and encouraged) with strong or slight physical feminine features.

But my attraction is to female beauty and this includes women who have masculine features but still look like women.

Not any specific size, weight, age, skin color, ethnicity, long hair, short hair, no hair…just women in all of the diversity. Some more than others. It’s not a shallow or objectification thing and not sexual or romantic. Purely aesthetic. Like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or a brilliant work of art but even more inspiring and joyful.

It’s not just asexual people(those who experience little to no sexual attraction – it’s a rare & valid sexual orientation) who experience aesthetic attraction; anyone of any sexual orientation can to anyone of any gender. I met a heterosexual/straight woman online, years ago, who, like me, also has a strong aesthetic attraction to women only. She is sexually and romantically attracted to men but she finds women more pleasing to look at and goes out of her way to look.

“An essence of beauty
Ooo, such lovely hair
She’s foxy, classy
Oh, sexy sassy
She’s heavenly
A treat for the eye to see” πŸ’œ

I did not always know that’s what it is but always have known I am intensely drawn to the physical/aesthetic beauty of women and that it is not sexual/romantic. Then I learned about aesthetic attraction, which often comes with sexual attraction but the two can be separated and one can be without the other. Aesthetic attraction is loving how someone or something looks. It can be to an individual person or thing or to the kind in general. In my case, it’s women in general but stronger for some than others.

Some women are so beautiful to me, it’s like a feeling of intoxication, like when I see beautiful flowers blooming all over in the Spring under a blue, blue sky, but even more so when I see a woman.

Sometimes it’s even enough to pull me right out of a low mood, even lifting layers of a depressive episode, even pulling me out of a suicidal state if I’m in one. Not always but it does happen.

I remember many years ago, on college campus, I was depressed and suicidal and walked to Starbucks and got into the line when in front of me, I noticed an incredibly beautiful woman with long hair; she turned around and her beauty took my breath away and also literally pulled me out of my suicidal state and lifted layers of my depression. I was still depressed but less and no longer suicidal.

Like I said, this does not always happen; I can see a woman just as beautiful and it doesn’t pull me out of it or I maybe could have seen the same woman a different depressed day and not have been pulled out of it. But something about the physical beauty of a woman has a profound effect on my brain and mood and the potential to lift me to extreme elevated states no matter what my mood is already.

Even looking at myself in a mirror! lol Another day, I was depressed and suicidal, one of the worst I have ever been, and happened to look up and see my reflection in a store window, my depression was not lifted but my suicidal state was and I was able to cope better with the severe depression. I wasn’t suicidal anymore. And it wasn’t just like I liked how I look and decided I want to live, it was whatever physical effect the female physique/form/beauty has on my brain. There is probably a scientific explanation or something about how pleasing visual things can affect our mood/mental state and since women are very, very aesthetically pleasing to me, seeing us, impacts my brain like that.

There have been other days I was depressed and suicidal and looked at myself in a mirror or in pictures and it lifted my depressed and/or suicidal state. But not alway; some occasions I have looked at myself and it doesn’t lift my mood. And it’s not a discriminate thing when I see myself and it lifts a depressed mood. It’s not because it’s me and I like how I look. It’s the fact that I’m looking at a woman who I see as physically beautiful. It could just as well be a stranger. It does happen when I look at strangers, both in person and in pictures.

And if I’m not depressed at all and very happy, looking at a woman still lifts me, and the impact can last for days. One day, I was already very happy (I usually am happy) and I saw a stunning young woman with very long, brown hair and a belly shirt, smiling, holding hands with a man; I hardly noticed him but her beauty lifted me in this amazing way like seeing the beautiful sun rising over the city skyline or seeing flowers blossoming everywhere in the beginning of Spring but even more powerful. This feeling lasted a week just seeing her that briefly. It doesn’t always last that long but sometimes does, long after the woman is out of view, even days later. Some other “things” can do this for me too, like flowers for example. But not to the same depth. I put “things” in quotations because women are not things; flowers are. The word “other” implies that women are things and I wasnt sure how else to put it. Buildings also. But nothing like a pretty girl.

Recently, there were people arguing, blowing things up, yelling, some military looking police I have never seen before recently, with large guns drawn in the middle of Philadelphia, felt like being in the middle of a warzone, like somethig right out of a history book or war movie, negative things in the media and just a general feeling of heaviness and hopelessness then I noticed a beautiful young woman with long, wavy orange hair walking up the street, in a white, flowery sundress, holding hands with a man, and she had the biggest, brightest smile and sparkling eyes. A light in all this darkness. Again, I did not notice him. Her beauty overshadowed everything else. All of a sudden, the heaviness and hopeless feeling in the air was gone and everything in the world was momentarily right. Her physical beauty along with the joy and happiness radiating, filled me with joy and inspiration. I can tell she is beautiful on the inside too, positive energy surrounding her.

Later, the heavy feeling returned and I had this almost unbearable migraine-like headache then I remembered her and smiled.

It reminds me to smile even more and keep my energy positive. We never know who is looking and being affected for better or worse!

Also, the aesthetic attraction is stronger when they have clothes on. lol I see pics people share of some women with no clothes on and don’t mind at all but I noticed I prefer them with clothes. I also prefer them in non-sexual situations/positions. I have nothing against the pics where they are expressing their sexuality in explicit ways but I love the ones where they aren’t, more. When I was a kid, I did used to sneak playboy magazines in my dad’s workplace that the men had in there, to see all the lovely girls in swimsuits and things, but they were clothed to some degree and standing alone. Before the internet became more advanced/popular, I used to spend hundreds of dollars on magazines just to see the pretty girls plastered all over the pages. I hardly even read them, just looked. The inspiration it would fill me with is indescribable. Not inspiration to do anything, just a general feeling of inspiration throughout my being.

Like walking through a museum of beautiful sculptures but more joyous.

I would also take hundreds of pictures of myself(still do! lol) just to look at them and feel that inspiration and intoxication and joy. Sometimes it brightens my day just to look at a picture of myself.

Now I follow thousands of fashion and makeup instagram accounts to look at all those beauties. My newsfeed is full of beautiful women.

Again, it’s not objectification. I know a woman is much more than just looks and also inner beauty is more important! But that doesn’t lessen my joy and inspiration, looking at us!

And the aesthetic attraction isn’t just to real women but can be something that looks like a woman. Like a mannequin. It gives me that same intoxicated/joyous/inspired feeling as a real woman if it’s beautiful and realistic enough. Some mannequins are just scary. lol One day, again, I was depressed(I’m not always depressed! lol I have episodes and waves here and there) and saw a mannequin that has the realistic body of a woman (I don’t think it even had a head) and was in a store window wearing pretty clothes and stilletos and it just lifted me. I was about on the verge of becoming suicidal and the mannequin stopped it right in its tracks. Thanks!

This is not the mannequin I saw but another sexy one! And this is not my photo; it’s a screencap. ❀ It’s the first “plus-sized” mannequin for this company, NIKE, I think.

Anyway, so there we have it! A fun (and creepy) fact about me!

Aesthetic attraction is not a choice but even if I could choose it, I would! I’m thankful I turned out to have this kind of attraction to women because women are such lovely creatures! And thankful to have the aesthetic attraction without the romantic and sexual attraction because that would probably be distracting and I like experiencing the pure, raw joy of the aesthetic pleasure without the distraction and dilution of the sexual/romantic. Also, aesthetic attraction has a “no strings attached” kind of way about it. I just want to look, not touch or be touched, or want anything in return or want a mutual feeling. I don’t even necesssarily want to be noticed back. I am fulfilled and content just seeing a beautiful woman walk by me on the street then never again. Just that can lift me for a week! Maybe more!

Not always but usually people who experience sexual and romantic attraction want it back in return and like want to touch and stuff. lol! No thanks; I’m good with just looking. What a blessing to have this gift. I don’t mind seeing men or people who do not have feminine physical features, of course! I am just not aesthetically attracted to them.

There are some men I find to be exceptionally good looking but still do not bring me the aesthetic pleasure anywhere near to the same extent a woman can. And it doesn’t happen very often. I have the aesthetic attraction to women in general everyday; for men, it’s seldom individual cases and to a much lesser degree.

Whenever I do find men to be aesthetically pleasing, they are usually African American or “big”/have extra weight. Not always though. For women, there is no skin color/ethnicity/size that usually stands out as most pleasing to me. It’s equal all the way around.

In that comedy movie “John Tucker Must Die,” (lol) the one boy is like girl crazy and likes a new girl at school and his brother told him that he doesn’t think she is his brother’s type and the brother responded something like “GIRL is my type.” lol

Sounds about right!

And I admit, I am not completely educated on the appropriate/respectful way to talk/write about things relating to trans people. I for sure know about using the appropriate pronouns!! But if I write/say something that comes off as disrespectful/inappropriate, it’s only because I am not yet educated. I’m working on it. I am 100% in support of ALL trans people!!

So please correct me if anything here or any post can be worded better. To not, respectfully, call us out on it does a disservice to us all. We are trying to have an all inclusive, understanding society, who celebrates and promotes diversity and is respectful of all, and it starts with educating each other and our own self.

Some people are just careless and some are actually trying to be total assholes but I am not!!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! And hope you are surrounded in beauty in any of its forms. ❀

xoxo Kim πŸ’š

There’s beauty up aboveπŸ’œ

(Today, March 27th, 2020 – Friday afternoon)

Today, I had a break for work and was sitting in a park before going back. The park was completely empty of people except for a man I see frequently, doing exercises in the same spot in the park. He seems very cheerful and just naturally happy. He talks loudly with a chipper tone. And he speaks about lighthearted topics like fun movies. I love it! I never talked to him but love seeing & hearing him. I’m very extroverted even though I’m also very shy so being around people satisfies my extroverted way even when I am not talking to anyone.

Today, he was talking on a phone in his usual cheery tone about some film he is interested in. I found it so uplifting. I wasn’t depressed or in a bad mood or anything but still felt it had a positive impact on lifting my mood even more. The park was full of sparrows and birdsong, trees, flowers, sunlight. After a while, I decided to put my earphones in and listen to a song. Suddenly, sung by Billy Ocean. I loved the feeling it brought out in me, this sudden elevated, amazing feeling of Oneness with the park, the trees, the flowers, the sparrows, the insects, the man doing exercises…even the buildings around.

“There’s beauty up above and things we never take notice of”

I looked up at the blue, blue sky full of fluffy white clouds, the bare tree branches still clinging to Winter, the tree branches now blooming with color and flowers, the birds flying around, I saw tops of buildings…Billy Ocean is right! There is so much beauty up above, even in the most mundane things on the most ordinary, uneventful day. Things we never take notice of. I actually do take notice of the beauty all around, very frequently but not as much as I can and sometimes I purposely shut it out if I’m depressed. And many of us overlook the simple beauty everyday. Why? Who knows! We’re so used to it, we forget the wonder of it or we’re so busy or wrapped up in “bigger” things, things that stand out more than a rooftop glistening in afternoon raindrops, more than a sparrow singing on a treebranch, more than flower petals falling to the ground, the feel of the gentle breeze on our skin, the scent of the flowers, the taste of even just water…but if we just stop for a few seconds and notice all the love around us, let it fill us with awe, even if for just a few seconds, life is complete.

“You wake up, suddenly, you’re in love.”

I was in love. And still am. In love with all that is. Those sparrows scurrying about through the grass and the trees, the flowers blooming in Spring, the man doing the exercises, speaking loudly of things that may seem trivial but are really the things that make up our every day and make it more interesting. So many people think that heavy things like politics and current events are all that should be on our minds day in & day out. But I disagree. Let’s talk about the movies, the dogs in the park, our favorite song, the cafe we want to visit next…

Earlier, I felt the same way when I was out walking and I saw a sparrow fly into a tree and sit on one of the branches, covered in pink cherry blossoms. The sense of Oneness it inspired in me! And then I looked up and saw an American flag gently blowing in the wind. Then I looked ahead and saw all the cars going by and parked along the streets and I was even more reminded of the Oneness the whole world is. Not just humans or even just living things. I felt at One with the flag and the traffic and the parked cars. Just like me, they were just here existing, doing their thing.

How beautiful!

Another song I listened to in the park is, Foolish Heart, sung by Steve Perry. I have a thing for this song. It brings me beautiful images in my head and these pleasant vibes even though it’s kind of a sad song. It is beautiful that he loves even when the love is not returned to him. It’s a romantic love song but I can relate in a platonic way.

“Foolish heart, hear me calling…stop before you start falling…”❀

I hope you’ll be reminded to look around and cherish all that is. Even if we cannot see, like are physically blind, we can feel the air, experience the fragrances all around, hear the birds chirping and crickets churring…or if we cannot hear, we can still sense in other ways. Let us use whatever senses and abilities we have and bask in all this beauty right here, right now!

Much love & light, wherever in the world you are!

xoxo Kim ❀

Love is in the airπŸŒΈπŸ’—πŸŒ±

Love is in the air❀

Love is in the air, everywhere I look around
Love is in the air, every sight and every sound
And I don’t know if I’m being foolish
Don’t know if I’m being wise
But it’s something that I must believe in❀

I’m just absolutely loving this end of Winter Spring!!! I can’t get enough. The beauty is overwhelming; I don’t know what to do with it all! Everything began to blossom so early this year, in February! That is not a common occurence here in Philadelphia! I’m just walking around the streets of Philadelphia each day & night taking in all the beauty, soaking it all up before it fades into the scorching days of Summer. And the weather is lovely! So warm and sunny but a bit cool and breezy, a gentle wind, carrying the fragrances of Spring. I haven’t yet detected that floral scent that comes every Spring. It may be a bit too early for that. But there is an Earthy, grassy scent beginning to arise. I even found a couple of worms one day, recently, walking some of my work babies! My job allows me to be outdoors all day, which I love! I walk a lot outside even when I don’t have to for work. Walking, to me, is just about as important as breathing! It’s my love, my passion.

What a Wonderful WorldπŸ’š

“I see trees of green, red roses too I see them bloom for me and you And I think to myself what a wonderful world”πŸŒ±πŸ’š

Love is in the air, in the whisper of the tree
Love is in the air, in the thunder of the sea
And I don’t know if I’m just dreaming
Don’t know if I feel safe
But it’s something that I must believe in❀

I love all the kreepy krawlies each Spring & Summer!

I am making sure to capture all the beauty in sweet images while still living in the moment, just breathing it in. What a gift Spring is! And so fleeting! Soon, everything that blooms gets old and disappears and the cool breeze quickly turns to heatwaves. But for now, the city is a lovely floral disarray of beauty! Flower petals all over the ground, green grass and weeds all over; I couldn’t ask for more. Just lovely. Almost too good to be true but it is true!

I am deeply inspired. Overwhelmed in joy that springs forth and consumes all of me. Completely enraptured.

“I see skies of blue and clouds of white The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night And I think to myself what a wonderful world”

Like living in an endless love song.

Lovin’ You❀

Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtime
‘Cause lovin’ you has made my life so beautifulπŸ’š

Yesterday, the park I walk by a lot was full of people, kids playing, dogs running about, people on benches eating ice cream, pushing baby strollers, doing exercises on the grass, taking pictures, drinking iced coffee…it was like a little sliver of Heaven right here on Earth. I walked through the park to look at all the trees and flowers in bloom. I stood under the flowery trees, looking up, and just breathing deeply. I couldnt stop smiling. The peace and calm that washes over me. Indescribable.

“In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair.” πŸ’š

“Under a cherry tree, there are no strangers.”πŸ’—πŸŒΈβ€

“Gratitude is not a mere word; it is not a mere concept. It is the living breath of your real existence on earth.” ❀

I loved hearing all the laughter, seeing all the smiles, dogs barking, kids happily screaming…what a wonderful world! Just live in the moment with no future and no past. Just now. Standing before incredible beauty and it’s like touching Nirvana, Love Supreme, Enlightenment, Jannah, Heaven, even if just for a few moments.

“There is only now. And look! How rich we are in it.” πŸ’—πŸŒΈπŸŒ±

“The magic of the present moment that is warily stored in the granary of our memory may pop up at any time and usher us along the winding paths of our life, and light up the dead points in the dim curves of our journey.” πŸŒΈπŸŒ±πŸ’—

“What a strange thing! To be alive beneath cherry blossoms.”πŸ’—πŸŒΈ

There is lots of horror in this world but also so much good. And it’s so great to be thankful for the good and be mindful of all the gems of hope, love, beauty…scattered about each day. I am celebrating, rejoicing. 🌱

Life is beautiful.πŸ’—

“Don’t look for peace. Don’t look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.”πŸ’š

The beauty of Spring shifts something within me, moves something, shakes something, and my whole being is filled with awe and gratitude. Like vibrations of love flowing through me.

“I see friends shaking hands saying ‘how do you do’ They’re really saying ‘I love you'”πŸ’™

How beautiful! So many ways to say I love you.❀

Much love & light to you and big hugs to anyone who wants/needs a loving hug, since we probably don’t see each other in person, it will have to be virtual for now! But the love is still the same! ❀

xoxo Kim

It knows only the heart❀

“‘Will you marry me Maya Johnson?’

‘But we hardly know each other.’

‘I know it is sudden but love does not know time; it knows only the heart. And my heart is telling me you’re the one for whom I’ve waited my whole life.'”

Omg! ❀❀❀😭 This tugs on my heart strings. So beautiful. It’s out of a movie I’m watching called Love Jacked. I haven’t watched the whole movie yet but I think they break up! But I think this must be the most beautiful line out of the movie. A woman and man just met each other not very long ago and he says this to her. He is referring to romantic love but this is true not just for that kind but also platonic/friendship love! I see people writing a lot on social media that after a certain amount of years of being friends, they become family now. But I disagree. We can develop a connection to someone right away that feels like “home” or “family” or “soulmate.” It doesn’t have to take years. It’s not about time. It’s about the bond, the connection, the energy. The love. All of this can be felt, be known, in an instant.

I know a lot of people are lonely these days for what seems like mostly romantic love. I also have seen a few social media posts about how true friends are hard to find. I do not care at all about romantic love, for myself, though I love romantic love stories and all! But I do get lonely for friendship love when I don’t have true friends or have little social contact for a while.

I hope this scence can give anyone who is lonely, whether for romantic love or true friendship, hope that just out of nowhere we can meet someone and develop a close, loving, connection that quickly.

(Just try to forget the fact that they break up…πŸ˜­πŸ˜‚ I think she finds someone even better for her later❀)

Also, I do not know if I spelled her name correctly in the quote above!

Much love & light,

xoxo Kim❀

The House on Pine Street🏩 And raising our vibration❀

There is a movie I watched, horror/psychological/supernatural thriller. It’s on Amazon Prime so no cost if we subscribe to that. I would give it five or whatever is the most stars but I am very, very easy to please and love just about everything. I do not care about “bad acting” or “bad lighting.” And do not have an issue with very unoriginal plots. I love B-grade movies and traditional plots just as much as better quality, more creative movies . I did not notice any bad acting/lighting/writing in this movie or anything but I’m not always good at judging since Im so happy with like anything. Lol So if I give something the most stars, you may not want to take my word for it if you are only into very good quality movies. My boss says this is also true about me with people; he said there can be a terrible person and all I see is the good!

Some movies I do turn off right away because the quality is way too bad(like camera shaking when it’s not supposed to be, for example) or the movie is very boring(and im hard to bore lol) right off but mostly, Im easily satisfied.
It’s called “The House on Pine Street.” It’s like a ghost movie but the viewer may also wonder if it’s really ghosts or the woman is insane/psychotic. Maybe not very original but very good!!

There will not be any big spoilers here. But there will be a couple inspiring movie quotes. I wont give away the ending or any important details but if you want to see the movie first, click this off! And be sure to come back later!

The young woman is struggling with an unplanned and very unwanted pregnancy. We know this after reading the movie description. Her husband decides they should get away for a while and move to the place where she grew up, for a few months, and move back after the baby is born. She is very unhappy about this plan but she goes along with it. She does not get along well with her mom and her mom lives close to where they move and comes by for unexpected visits, which the young woman is unhappy about. She is unhappy about just about everything in her life, currently. She is especially extremely unhappy about the surprise baby.

She begins to suspect the house they move into is haunted. Strange things begin to occur and quickly escalates. No one else seems to notice and they think she is off her rocker, especially because she already recently had a mental health issue triggered by the unwelcome pregnancy.

Here are the quotes. They can apply to any life situation:

“Let’s say you go into a place that has a lot of energy hanging around it, your house say; if you go into a place like that and you’re going through something, stress, anger, a lot of sorrow, regret, anything, well all that energy you’re pouring out is going to bump up against the energy that’s already there; it’s going to rough it up, you see, mess with it and then that energy that was there is going to change; it’s going to react. Im not saying that’s exactly what’s happening in your house but I am saying that we often forget that we’re constantly affecting everything around us, people, environments, old houses in Kansas.”

“You moved into that house and you hated it. You hated this town; you hated your mother; you hated your husband for bringing you here; and most of all you hated that baby inside you and what it did to your perfect life. From all I can see, you’ve done nothing but hate. Are you really surprised that the house started to hate back?”

“Youre too blinded by your search to find something or someone else to blame, arent you? We’ll there are things much bigger than us, Jennifer, things that aren’t so easily categorized or controlled. You might have better luck if you stopped trying to push everything the way you wanted it to go and started looking at the source.”

If we go into something with an already lousy attitude, we will receive even more unpleasant things. Everywhere we look, everywhere we go, things will suck. People, situations, things…will seem to respond to us with even more negativity. We get what we put out. Everything does have energy, pleasant or unpleasant, and we can affect it or let it affect us or reciprocate. Like this character explains, the energy of wherever we are and our own energy can feed off of each other, perpetuate.

So let’s keep our energy positive & safe against whatever negative or life-draining energy is out there! Let our own energy be so powerfully positive that it touches the energy of everything & everyone else for the better!

Here are some things we can do to keep our energy positive. These are things I do myself and love!

Read something positive(quotes, books, short stories)
One of my favorite positive books is an old one called Pollyanna – Eleanor H. Porter about a little girl who is extremely positive even though her and her dad have not had the easiest life; then she suffers a terrible, life-changing, accident and her spirit is crushed. It’s a very uplifting, beautiful story, not tragic or dark. There is some tragedy and sadness involved but it’s ultimately a very happy story with a beautiful life lesson. It’s a life-changing story if we allow it to inspire us and take action to make our own life even more beautiful.

Keep social media newsfeed positive or look for the positive accounts.
My Instagram & Blog space/friends/followers are very positive but Facebook newsfeed and many friends on there(most are strangers/online friends) are very, very negative. They are vicious, vengeful, abusive. My newsfeed is full of political rants, arguments over religion & politics every single day without exception(there is not one day I open fb app & do not see angry/grim posts), people acting in a sanctimonious manner as if they are above the rest in morality, wisdom, intelligence, death wishes for Donald & his followers and others…I often receive a negative comment/message and expect to receive negative comments on there even on the most pleasant/non-controversial posts that I share or just in my inbox for seemingly no reason or a misunderstanding. I am never surprised to wake up and find an unpleasant comment/message waiting for me. I anticipate it.

When I see a notification about a comment/message, automatically I half expect it to be not very kind. Not because I have a negative attitude but because I see how it is everyday on my account. I do receive more positive messages than not but definitely receive a good amount of negative. And I just see it in general in my newsfeed directed at humanity or certain groups of people in general.
They even write negative comments on pictures of me(not everyone & not always but it does happen) or send me inbox messages with insults about my physical appearance/clothing style; I get called ugly, slutty, a bitch, rude, stupid, and whatever else. I receive messages telling me to get off their friends lists because they don’t like my views on things or even merely because I do share their views but still accept those who do not share our view, even something like universal love or positive thinking or not hating others.

I have received insults for not loathing Muslim people, for not wanting Muslim people dead, for voting for the Green party, for not loathing Donald and his followers’ guts(I would not vote for him and do not share most of his views but he is a sentient being and I love him as one – is he despicable in some ways or acts in a despicable way? Yes! But he’s also a sentient being and I do not wish him death, sickness, and other unnecessary misfortune, & because of this, I have been the target of insults, even death wishes[not threats, just wishes!]), for forgetting to vote(sometimes I forget – I work seven days a week, often morning til night & sometimes overnight), for being pro-life in general(not killing insects, animals, the unborn…but i dont negatively judge those who are not pro-life, have/pay for abortions, kill insects…i love everyone!!) Many people only comment when they disagree with me and do not like something. Some have never written one positive or agreeable or even neutral thing to me but they jump in an instant to let me know when they are very unhappy with me. I have people as facebook friends who have been my friend on there for years and have never written me one positive thing in all those years, only negative. Some of them it gets to the point where I block(if I merely unfriend the account, the people often still write to me lol so I block it) their account because they go way overboard with their comments( for example, one person not very long ago who only ever wrote negative things began writing homophobic things on my content) but usually, I do not unfriend/block them.

Also, there are men writing sexual things they want to do with me. Eww sometimes that makes my skin crawl!

Someone explained to me that when men write/say that stuff to me, they aren’t just saying/implying that I’m pretty like aesthetically; they are being pervs. I already had an idea of this but when they say stuff like that, I automatically see the implied compliment that I am beautiful/pretty. My brain often automatically “skips” much of the sexual message or more fully perceives the aesthetic in it. Sometimes I am flattered and sometimes grossed out. Lol

You’ll have to find a woman(or whatever gender) who is into hooking up with men because I’m sure as heck not! I don’t swing that way, never have. But it’s ok; we can still be friends!😊

In the words of M.C. Hammer…

U Can’t Touch This -MC

Sorry bruh, you can’t touch this.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜­πŸ€£πŸ˜Ή

I keep my account public and let anyone comment, even non-friends, on there and I accept almost anyone as a facebook friend and this is the way I plan on keeping it. People come out of nowhere & like/comment on/share my posts even if we are not friends on there n have no friends in common. I do not post anything political, just because it’s not very much my thing, not because i dont want people to know my views. I do not post very controversial content. Most of my content is funny (not offensive funny, just funny funny) and loving. But still, they find something to dislike about it. And when someone asks me my political/religious views, I tell the truth. And they do not always like it. I do like some political posts and occasionally comment on some. I keep the fb account open to the public in case anyone is uplifted/inspired by the content I share. This is at the risk of encountering some very negative attention but worth it.

I usually do not respond to the toxic comments and if I do, it’s always in a pleasant or at least non-vicious way. I have responded negatively before on occasion but now made a choice to rise above that. The comments usually do not get to me, just irk me if anything, but even if they do provoke me to be angry/disturbed, I won’t respond negatively anymore. I do not want to put that kind of energy out into the uni-verse and also, trolls want that and it will just encourage more of their unfortunate behavior. They want negative attention. It will not insult them; they are hoping for it so they can keep negative dialogue going. Best just to let it go.

I do not read much of the things on my newsfeed because of the vitriol. I only post positive things, that can usually apply to anyone, and I know some accounts/groups/pages/people who are only or almost always positive and I look for their accounts. So I would suggest to either only have mostly people who post positive content as friends, skip the negative if we do have some who post negativity, or stay off social media/certain social media accounts, if that is appealing. Either way, block out that negativity or just roll with it.
I do not see/check all of my notifications but the ones I see are usually positive; it’s just there is too much negative thrown in.

Focus on the good no matter how unpleasant things are currently – the sunlight, whatever good things we still do have, a house, enough money even if it’s not a lot, food, pets, friends, family, our health, certain skills…whatever good is around and within! Anything that goes right today, no matter how seemingly simple or trivial, celebrate it, savor it, give thanks. Recently, I spilled hot chocolate and thought it was on my new, pretty pink coat but when I checked, it wasn’t! I stopped for a minute to feel the gratitude(I did spill a latte on it later though and then iced tea – I’m a klutz) One day, i had to use a lock that is difficult. It may or may not work on any given occasion and that day, it worked. I acknowledged it and let it uplift me. I really experienced gratitude to a depth that may be considered disproportionate for the situation. I was just so, so thankful this simple thing happened to go right. And it can be so frustrating having to play with a lock for so long before it locks or opens. Sometimes a lock not working has even infuriated me. I have to deal with locks frequently for work. It is beyond a hassle when they don’t work properly.
And when difficult ones go right, it calls for celebration.

We can take little things like this for granted and go about our day just forgetting or stop for two seconds and consciously experience the gratitude. This life is made up of little gifts in each moment. Let us acknowledge them! It brings more love, beauty, & joy into each day.

Create a positive play list of happy/cheerful/uplifting/funny songs/music. If we are a hearing person. I know some people are deaf and do not listen to music. I’m not excluding anyone; this is just for us who can hear.

These are just some of my many favorite happy/pumped up songs!

Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A

This song seriously helped me cope with a severe suicidal depressive episode once. The worst one I was ever hit with. I usually feel that I am the happiest girl in the world. Lol I have a natural positive disposition but I have also experienced depression. Depression is nothing to do with our personality or natural inclination for happiness. Some people are just naturally not happy people but not depressed. And the most naturally happy person can struggle with severe depression. I have always been super happy with a positive attitude. Even when I am depressed, so depressed, I cannot tell where the depression ends and I begin, I can feel my natural positive self underneath. This song reminded me during that suicidal depressive episode, that I once felt like I was the happiest girl in the whole usa and if I felt that way before, I can again. Also the tune is so uplifting and the lyrics are cute. She is singing about how happy her man makes her. Lol I dont have, have never had, and have never wanted a man to be happy about in a romantic way but am just happy in general.

Baby’s Got Her Blue Jeans On

This is another song that helped me cope with a very bad depressive episode. It’s a cheery, funny, uplifting song about a pretty girl in blue jeans who everyone stops and stares at because she’s so lovely. People run to their windows to get a look as she’s walking by, they nearly break their necks looking when they see her outside, and her beauty is even responsible for traffic jams! I love pretty girls in blue jeans too! 😍

I’m Too Sexy

I’m so sexy, it hurts. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

It’s a Great Day to Be Alive

Eye of the Tiger

This song has helped me cope with physical pain. Like depression, I have experienced episodes of severe physical pain. It’s a facial pain disorder. It’s usually not bad but can be devastating at some points. This is a song about surviving.
So inspiring!

King of Wishful Thinking

(this is a sad breakup song but his attitude and the music is uplifting)

Get outta my Dreams, Get into my car

Caribbean Queen

“She’s simply awesome…She dashed by me in painted on jeans
And all heads turned ’cause she was the dream”

“I lose my cool when she steps in the room
And I get so excited just from her perfume
Electric eyes that you can’t ignore
And passion burns you like never before”

Well if this song doesn’t get you absolutely pumped, what will?

Private Eyes

They’re watching you, girl! (Lol ok so that seems kind of creepy🀣)

Every step you take, every move you make, I’ll be watching you, baby! Oh, no wait…that’s a different song🀣😭

Man Eater

She’s a strong, powerful woman, so watch out boy….she’ll chew you up. And spit you out like old gum she no longer has any use for. Don’t mess with the tigress. She’s out of your league.

“The beauty is there but a beast is in the heart.”πŸ’œ

I wouldn’t if I were you.

She’s deadly, man.πŸ–€

I wouldn’t even think about it.

You’re a Movie

“Another day, another victory.”

This is a song about confidence and taking on the world! It’s also kind of funny! The man is full of himself! Lolz

Standing on a corner – Dean Martin

Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk – Dr. Hook

Another song about a beautiful babe in blue jeans! And there’s a pretty girl in this video! Very uplifting
(Can you tell I like my girls in blue jeans? 😍😊Lol I think I prefer a hottie in leggins though – even sexier -Especially if she’s wearing stilettos.)

Girl Watcher – O’Kaysions

When you’re in Love with a Beautiful Woman – dr. Hook (extended version)

If you’re looking for some eye candy, check out this video!! I would definitely have more diversity here though if I were making a video like this. Every single woman in this video is beyond beautiful but I would also add some non-white women and also ones who are not thin along with all the ones here. And different ages. Young, thin, long hair, and white is not the only beautiful! That is beautiful too, for sure, just not the only kind. Also, I love this extended version. And before any feminists flip out on me(lol jk)I know there are more important things than physical beauty; that’s just one thing I love. I just can’t help it; pretty girls are my weakness!

Bad Mama Jama

“She’s built, she’s stacked”

Oh yes she is!

“All the curves that men like…
Got all the curves men like”

She got all the curves that I like too!

“I get so excited
Viewing her anatomy”

So do I, bro!

Another fun, uplifting, catchy song!

In case you can’t tell, I have a thing for pretty girls. When I was a young girl and used to go to my dad’s work office, I used to sneak the playboy magazines they had hidden in there. I knew where they kept the stash and used to carry off with them and steal away into the closet flipping through them. I just loved looking at all those pretty girls.😍 (still do)

I’m not shallow or objectifying. I know there is much more to a woman than her physical beauty but nothing wrong with also acknowledging it! Women(Including trans women and trans people with physical feminine features)are the most beautiful creatures on the face of this Earth. ❀

Me!❀

Beast of Burden – Bette Midler

I LOVE this version by Bette Midler! The tone, singing, and all is more passionate, in my opinion, than the original. I also love the general feminist stance it seems to convey, whether or not it’s intentional. It’s about the unfortunate situation of men using women for their own pleasure, not caring about what the woman wants, thinks, feels. She sings about her little sister being a pretty, pretty girl who men use then throw away and her sister asks what’s the matter with her and wonders if maybe she is not good enough in some way. “Little sister” doesn’t just have to be her actual sister but can be symbolic of any woman or women/girls in general. The tone is so uplifting and the video is hilarious and inspiring! I love it!! Even though this song seems to have romantic or sexual overtones, I see it in a platonic way & I can relate to it but in a platonic way. Maybe most of us can. Haven’t you ever had a friend use you or only come around when the person wants something and doesn’t seem to value the friendship itself? I love how this song conveys the pain of that but with a passionate, pumped up tone. I am not being heterosexist. It’s just that this song/video seems to be about men using women. I know not all romantic relationships involve a man and a woman. There can me two men/two women/other genders…Not everyone is either male or female. Some are non-binary, agender, bigender, trigender, I think pangender, genderfluid, genderqueer…I acknowledge and support all. πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ

And I love Bette’s sense of humor! I have always loved her! I never met or talked to her but she is one of my favorite people. I have always felt some sense of connection to her. I will admit, many years ago, my opinion of her was lowered once after seeing her in an interview where she was asked her opinion on same-sex marriage. I do not remember exactly what she said but remember the gist of it and her careless attitude on the subject. Something like same-sex marriage should be legal because “it’s not hurting anyone” and her tone was kind of just like “meh, who cares either way but why the hell not…it’s not hurting anyone” I felt a crushing sensation in my chest. The way she acted as if it’s just a luxury heteros can just happen to afford to extend to those “less fortunate” or “second class,” as if it’s not a basic right and as if equality is not crucial. My first thought, automatically upon hearing her view was “Well, fuck you Bette Midler!” And I looked at the comment section on the video and the first one I saw was “Well fuck you Bette Midler!” Lol I was satisfied that my literal, exact sentiment was voiced out loud (or at least written) by someone else.
But anyway, I still love Bette and she is very sexy with a sexy attitude!

Breathe out deeply – Breathe in deeply and slowly through the nose and breathe out even more slowly and deeply. The chest should not move, just the abdomen(this is the healthiest, most relaxing way to breathe). I love the feeling of breathing out and it works wonders for relaxing the body even if we’re not anxious or anything; it just has a soothing, cathartic effect. And is very pleasurable.

We can imagine breathing in bright, white light that sparkles and is everything good and imagine breathing out dark smoke and breathing out words like “tension,” “stress,” “pain,” “fear…..” or we can imagine breathing out love into the world.

Listen to/meditate to Weightless – 8 minute long version – or Official 10 hour long version considered to be the most calming song in the world.

It’s scientifically tested and works well. May be better to listen at night as it may provoke drowsiness.

Neuroscience Says Listening to This Song Reduces Anxiety by Up to 65 Percent

Do simple, uplifting things – paint nails in pretty, uplifting colors (if we are into nail polish), wear pretty/inspiring jewelry, clothes that we love for any reason…just catching a glimpse of something pretty, inspiring, lovely, even just a nail polish color…can be so uplifting. Sometimes I wear pj’s outside all day and notice it’s much more uplifting when I wear regular clothes out. Someone else may wear pj’s and not have this experience but the point is wear whatever clothes bring out the positive feelings. I like wearing tight clothes, leggins, short shirts, even in Winter and wear inspiring jewelry like with a lotus flower, om symbol, Buddha….

Go for a stroll in the sunshine or whatever weather is uplifting to us. I love walking in the rain! It’s like I don’t have a care in the world when I’m walking in a light, rainy mist. Like nothing can touch me.

Just me!πŸ’œ

Watch a fun comedy movie – I love horror movies and watch them frequently. They are my guilty pleasure. I fall asleep watching them. Recently I even had a nightmare about one and I do not have nightmares!! Or any bad dreams! Almost never.
I love horror movies but if I watch a lot of them very close together for a while, I sometimes begin to sense them wearing on my energy, draining it, affecting it in a less than positive way. They are fun & thrilling, sometimes thought-provoking. They keep us guessing and are exciting. But they are negative. Killings, fear, horror, attacks, violence, jumpiness…not very good for the mind. I do notice myself a bit jumpy if I watch them a lot. Some drs have reccommended people with depression/anxiety not watch them ever even if not currently depressed or anxious and some have suggested no one watch them ever. It makes sense. They’re grusome, dark, negative…but they are just too fun and thrilling for those of us who love them! I do not watch true criminal movies. Only fiction. I dont like real violence or criminal acts and don’t get off on the real suffering of others.
Thankfully, I also love sappy, cheesy comedies! These are uplifting, cute, inspiring, funny…and good to throw them into the mix so as not to be weighted down by the horror. How about watching a sweet rom com or bestfriend movie! It seems like a kind of irony that this whole post is based on a horror movie and Im suggesting we lay off the horror. Lol Horror movies can be quite inspiring as well. They are often based on or involve a will to survive. But balance is good.
Some movies I love are What Happens in Vegas, Dumb & Dumber, For a Good Time, Call, Employee of the Month, Miss Congeniality, Jinxed…I just go to the comedy section on movie apps and see what I can find! I love kiddie/family movies!

Color – I have coloring books and something called Zentangle(a form of drawing for any ages/ability levels). It’s very calming & fun and simple. No skills needed! I don’t always color a lot but sometimes in the mood for it.

Compliment others, even strangers, sincerely. I’m sometimes too shy to do this but when I do get up the courage, it brightens someone else’s day! This puts positive energy out into the uni-verse.

Random acts of kindness or any act of kindness. Smile at strangers, make eye contact, buy food for a homeless person, give someone working a tip, give bread to squirrels/pigeons/sparrows, put cards with uplifting quotes around for random people to find…

Save a life or threeβ€πŸ’š

Red Cross

Meditate – My favorite meditation music: Prayer to Kuan Yin (Kuan Yin is goddess of mercy)

Some other favorites:

Miraculii Invoking Prayer & Meditation with binaural beats

Kuan Yin Rosary of Mercy

Primitive Emancipation

And whatever else brings feelings of joy, love, inspiration, calmness! You can add your own! Let’s just remember to keep that energy positive. Vibrate higher and let our loving energy be what permeates the environment around us and dominates. Even if our schedule is very busy, we can try to take even just a few minutes to do something positive or uplifting, even just five minutes of conscious breathing.

Much love to you wherever in the world you are! I wish you peace, love, & light.

Xoxo Kim❀

KrampusπŸ‘ΉπŸŽ…πŸ’šπŸŽ„

“On a cold winter night much like this
It was almost christmas but this christmas was darker, less cheerful, but i still believed in Santa, in magic, and miracles, and the hope that we could find joy again.
But our village had given up on miracles and on each other. They had forgotten the spirit of christmas, the sacrifice of giving, n my family was no different. I tried to help them to believe again but we were no longer the loving family i remembered. They too had given up. N eventually so did I.”

I love Christmas, the whole holiday season, and scary movies! Krampus is a combination of both! Very Christmasy but also scary. There is something about the concept of Krampus that I find to be inspiring. He is supposed to be an ancient spirit who comes to inflict punishment upon those who have lost their Christmas spirit or those who just don’t care about the goodness of the season. Even though he is evil, he’s like a reminder to never stop seeing the beauty in the holiday season.

If we give up on love, lose hope, have a cold, stingy attitude, not welcome the beauty around us, we may not be punished by an ancient evil spirit but we will be punished by our own head/mind.

I am in the Christmas spirit all year long and especially when it’s the actual holiday season!
I am all for the decorations, the happy holidays & merry christmases, the snow and holiday songs, the sappy movies, the giving, the cafes with all the seasonal flavored lattes and hot cocoa, cookies, candles, the cold, the early nightfall, fireplaces, cozy pj’s; Im all decked out in Christmas pjs and leggings and shirts.

I have always loved the bell in the Krampus movie! It’s the bell he leaves after he snatches non-believers/bah humbug people into the underworld. This year, I ordered a replica of it! It’s just like the one in the movie! At first I wasnt sure if I would get the Polar Express bell(Polar Express is a cute, inspiring, family/kid oriented Christmas movie about never stopping our belief in Santa Claus n never losing the Christmas spirit so sort of similar to Krampus but without the evil spin lol) but decided to get the Krampus one because I love the horror aspect of it and love that the Krampus bell has his name on it. And it looks ancient! I love the German pronounciation, the way the grandma in the movies says it, like Crumb-pus, like a crumb of food. I think most people say it like Cramp-us, like a leg cramp. Lol Anyway, I pronounce it the German way even though I have an American accent.

“I knew santa claus was not coming this year. Instead it was a much darker, more ancient spirit. The shadow of Santa Claus. It was Krampus. And as he had for thousands of years, Krampus came not to reward but to punish, not to give but to take, he n his helpers. I could only listen as they dragged my family into the underworld knowing that I would be next. But Krampus didnt take me that night. He left me as a reminder of what happens when hope is lost, when belief is forgotten, and the Christmas spirit dies.”

These are a couple quotes out of the movie. A reminder to not lose hope, not give up on love, to keep giving & believing all year long. A lot of people find the holiday to be stressful, sad, depressing, dumb…and whatever else. If we stop for a moment and look around though, we can see goodness and beauty in it. If nothing else, look at the beauty of all the lights in the darkess of nightfall and the cheerful decorations that people are so motivated & inspired to put all around their houses. It takes a lot of work, determination, & cheer to care to do that! We can appreciate that if nothing else.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! πŸ’š

Xoxo Kim β€πŸŽ„

Beauty up above❀

“There’s beauty up above & things we never take notice of…”πŸ’š

Suddenly – Billy Ocean

A reminder to stop occasionally and bask in the beauty all around us. There are so many beautiful things we often overlook. Imagine the extra joy, love, beauty…that can be in our world if we stop for a second each day to savor the moment and all the things that make up each moment, the sounds, the views all around, the scents in the air, the feelings, the buildings, the sky, the people, the animals, sunlight, cool breeze, the changing of the seasons…

No matter how busy we are, how stressed, depressed, or how happy and calm and peaceful we already are, let us stop and appreciate the boundless beauty surrounding us and within. It can be in any form and come to us through any senses, intellect, feeling…

I hope you’re having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Much love,

Xoxo Kim