Tag Archive | beauty

Being KindπŸ’•

Being Kind – Empty Hands

“Last night I’m walking home
And a homeless man says β€˜hello’
With a smile to let me know
That he’s got a lotta’ hope

He says have faith, young man, we are fine
The world is kind, one small act at a time

Small acts we do together
Even though may be alone
Changes the world for the better
So we can call it home”

People in person are so, so, SO much kinder and more civil and open minded than people on social media. I don’t understand it. There is so much arguing and snippy comments even over petty stuff like a silly meme. I get more positive comments than unpleasant but I definitely get unkind messages/comments somewhat frequently sometimes and I see the pointless negative and mocking comments others receive. And the threads I see with people debating, almost always end up full of vicious insults and ridicule. It’s like people *look* for things to be angry and offended over these days, and go out of their way to be unkind to others online. Even just slightly negatively sarcastic comments are often slung online when they probably would be less likely in person because through a screen, we feel more bold with a degree of anonymity, or we see people as less human and less worthy of respect.

Would you all do this in person if it was all the same people but in each other’s faces without a screen as a protective barrier? I would think we would be embarrassed to act in person how we do online and should be embarrassed acting that way online too.

Recently I was out in person with a group of lgbtq people, who all just met each other, and it was so much a pleasant interaction talking about all kinds of stuff, lgbtq related and not, even a couple of debates where some disagreed with others, that I realized even more how very toxic social media can be because of how people choose to use it. On social media we want to jump down each other’s throats then use our big bad blocking power to ultimately put them in their place after chewing them out.

The conversation I had with people in person are some of the very same I have/see online and it was a totally different experience in person, much more pleasant and a deeper sense of connection. I missed it and haven’t experienced it in so long.

It was like a “breath of fresh air” to be able to chat, laugh, joke about things that online would have triggered unnecessary insults, negative tones, ignorant comments, people blocking. And there was no exclusion or judging, just a bunch of people accepting and understanding each other completely.

The scary thing is though, these keyboard warriors and anonymous a$$holes online are real people who exist and they must be somewhere in person so where are they? Are they pretending to be kind in person because they don’t have the nerve to act how they do online? Or maybe they just stay in being all “bad” online and never showing their faces for real. Not sure, but I can say the in person world is a much friendlier place than social media world.

This morning I woke up to an online lgbtq debate by people at each other’s throats, slinging insults and accusations and ridiculing each other, even people on the “same side” just because of how something was worded or a minor disagreement on something else. When I was out with people in person recently, we had this same discussion/debate that I saw here and not once did anyone insult each other or ridicule each other or get snippy. No one scoffed at each other and there were no laughing emojis as a tool to use invalidation and ridicule as abuse.

It was just a totally safe space and a feeling of togetherness.

Everyone offered their own views and experiences and were all happy to hear the views/experiences of others.

Also, in person when talking to people we just meet, it’s easier to get an idea of the person’s character and tone and true intentions than through a screen. There was a debate that could have gotten ugly fast and if I was witnessing it/engaging in it online, I may have thought some people were the biggest a-holes and not have wanted to interact with them anymore but in person, we really see where the person is “coming from.” We can detect their tone and pick up on body language/energy, nuances, mannerisms to a greater extent than online.  Not everyone is the d!ck we may think they are online, when we are face to face with them, in the flesh. It’s much easier to judge and dismiss online than in person. People’s intentions are definitely more obvious in person sometimes. And it’s easier to see them as human, as flesh and blood, as full of emotion, as a person with many different aspects. Online, it’s easier to think of them as just an online figure or “just some a$$” who lives across the country/world.

The internet, if not handled carefully, is a tool that can be used to dehumanize people.

So many online interactions end with people blocking and reporting each other’s accounts; our recent in person interaction ended with us making plans to meet up and all hang out again.

It reminds me of when people say they are in an abusive relationship/family/have     sh!tty friends for so long and they finally get out and meet someone new who shows them how they really should be loved and that they are better than how they have been being mistreated. Most of my socialization and conversations and the ones I witness about lgbtq/political… issues are online. Getting back out in person reminded me how social interactions should be, not the abuse we endure online.

Social media is a great thing and allows us to do so much good and keep in touch with/meet people we never would without it but it’s so unfortunate how people misuse it to carry out abuse.

I suggest we all be more kind in person and online. And remember online people are real people, not just some online figures we can use as targets for abuse then go our merry way without a care in the world. Those thumbnail pictures we see and the usernames represent actual people with real lives and emotions.

And a reminder to people who have only/mainly social interactions online and encounter much hostility, it’s not an accurate reflection of the outside world! People are generally kind. It’s just the internet tends to bring out people who choose to be unpleasant in interacting with others and allows them to feel less awkward being unnecessarily unkind.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Xoxo Kim πŸ’œπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ

Honoring the present moment πŸŒΈ

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This is a beautiful blog and blog post by husband & wife, Marc & Angel. I love their wisdom. I recommend this blog post to all! I think it’s a reminder most of us can use now and again. πŸ’—πŸŒΈπŸ₯€βš˜πŸŒ±πŸŒ·πŸŒΌπŸŒ»πŸŒΊ


“Admitting the Hard Truth, and Embracing It

Where you are and what you’re doing at any given moment is absolutely essential.

Because it is the only moment guaranteed to you.

You are not on your way somewhere else.

You are not progressing to a more important time or place.

The present is not just a stepping-stone: It is the ultimate destination, and you have already arrived.

This moment is where your greatest power lies.

This moment is your life!

It might seem obvious, but, again, I forget.Β  And I know you do too.

All day, every day, many of us feel like the present isn’t enoughβ€”like our life isn’t worthy of our full presence.”

“What if we admitted that life is slipping away right now, and saw the fleeting time we have as enough, without needing to share it on social media or capture it or alter it in any way?”

This is true. I have found a balance of both, treasuring the present moment while also capturing its beauty to share with others. I take in the beauty and if it’s still there after basking in the presence of it, I take a pic. When I’m standing under a cherry 🌸 blossom tree and there’s a butterfly or sparrow on one of its branches, I first allow myself to be in the moment and if it’s all still the same a few moments later and I can get a picture, that’s amazing, and if not, that’s great too! But experiencing it, fully, is more important than getting a picture and interrupting the full presence. Sometimes I look out a window and see a beautiful scene with traffic and people and I have an urge to run and get my phone for a picture to capture it exactly as it is thwn before it changes but I know if I turn to get my phone, it won’t be the same when I get back, so I just stand and accept the beauty as it is in that fleeting moment without a picture.

One Hard Thing You Must Admit Before Your Life Slips Away by Marc & Angel

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! πŸ’—

Xoxo Kim

Marilyn’s Diary πŸ’œ



(This is a pic I took of a picture of Marilyn Monroe and I edited my pic with glitch apps – Glitch photography is my favorite hobby!)

“Sex is a baffling thing when it doesn’t happen. I used to wake up in the morning, when I was married, and wonder if the whole world was crazy, whooping about sex all the time. It was like hearing all the time that stove polish was the greatest invention on Earth.
Then it dawned on me that people – other women – were different than me. They could feel things I couldn’t. And when I started reading books I ran into the words ‘frigid,’ ‘rejected,’ and ‘lesbian.’ I wondered if I was all three of those things.

A man who had kissed me once had said it was very possible I was a lesbian because I apparently had no response to males — meaning him. I didn’t contradict him because I didn’t know what I was. There were times even when I didn’t feel human and times when all I could think of was dying. There was also the sinister fact that a well-made woman had always thrilled me to look at.”

“Why I was a siren, I hadn’t the faintest idea. There were no thoughts of sex in my head. I didn’t want to be kissed, and I didn’t dream of being seduced by a duke or a movie star. The truth was that with all my lipstick and mascara and precarious curves, I was unsensual as a fossil. But I seemed to affect people quite otherwise.”

“I have noticed since that men usually leave married women alone, and are inclined to treat all wives with respect. This is no great credit to married women. Men are always ready to respect anything that bores them. The reason most wives, even pretty ones, wear such a dull look is because they’re respected so much.
Maybe it was my fault that the men in the factory tried to date me and buy me drinks. I didn’t feel like a married woman. I was completely faithful to my overseas husband, but that wasn’t because I loved him or even because I had moral ideas. My fidelity was due to my lack of interest in sex.”

I love, love, LOVE these quotes attributed to Marilyn Monroe! Said to be found in a journal of hers that no one knew about. There is some debate about whether she was a homosexual woman or maybe an asexual woman. (Asexual meaning a person who experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone of any gender- It’s an orientation[an uncommon one] like heterosexuality or homosexuality, for example, and common for asexual people to have no sex drive and not like/want sexual activity, and there are also asexual people who do like/want sexual activity and have a sex drive, just not directed at anyone in particular – They are called sex favorable asexuals, aces who don’t care about sexual activity either way, can go happily forever without it but may accept an offer, are called sex indifferent, and aces who will not try sexual activity or try it and are repulsed and don’t want it ever are called sex repulsed asexuals – all of these are equally asexual and equally valid – It is a destructive misconception that asexuality means wanting no sex – it means experiencing sexual attraction much less frequently than the average person, some experience it not at all and not all but most aces grow up asexual. Very common for aces to not want sexual activity at all ever but also ones who love it or engage in it for other purposes- There are asexual sex workers and promiscuous asexual people and I support them all!).

An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction – they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or better; we just face a different set of needs and challenges than most sexual people do. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community in the needs and experiences often associated with sexuality including relationships, attraction, and arousal.Asexuality.org

Ironically Marilyn was viewed as a sex symbol, very sexy, and very sexual and believed to be very into men. (And there is nothing wrong with a woman being very sexual and into men and being promiscuous and expressing her sexuality! It’s a great way to be! I support all women and women freely expressing their sexuality how they please. πŸ’œ) But according to some of the things said to be written in her journal, she wasn’t into men at all. People assume that because a woman dresses and carries herself a certain way, it’s automatically for men or automatically sexual. But believe it or not, some women love and are sexually attracted to other women. And some don’t love anyone that way and/or are attracted to no one and are not sexual beings at all(some who are on the asexual spectrum and the aromantic spectrum[little to no romantic attraction to anyone of any gender]).

And many women dress how we do for our own selves! I know, shocking, right?! Everything we do doesn’t revolve around men and/or sex. Sorry. Not sorry. But it’s twisted how society is so sex crazed and heterosexist/heteronormative and projects it onto us all. It’s a perversion. People sexualize little girls who wear leggins and short shirts/gymnastics clothing and that is repulsive. Little girls dress like that because they like it and the clothes are comfy and cute. Anyone who says otherwise is perverted and sexualizing them. And they do this to us at every age. Nothing wrong with an age appropriate woman dressing to express her sexuality but not all who dress a certain way are!

It’s hard to tell if her attraction to women was purely aesthetic or sexual. Aesthetic attraction is loving to look at someone because of how the person looks. Some people are homoaesthetic and love to check out people of their own gender but there is no desire to touch or have any kind of sexual contact with them. It’s like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or flowers….Often sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction go together but some developed the aesthetic attraction without the sexual aspect. Homosexual women, for example, are usually inherently homoaesthetic (love to look at/check out other women) but ace girls and straight girls can be too. And it’s possible for a homosexual woman to prefer looking at men than women. So heteroaesthetic. Or possibly bi/panaesthetic if they love looking at men and women and/or people of other genders. This is true for any genders. I’m using women as an example because I’m a woman myself. But men can love looking at other men whether or not they are sexually attracted to them. And homosexual men can love looking at women. Some even love boobs. Lol

To me this sounds more like she was asexual with no sex drive (not a disorder, just another way to be – usually no or low sex drive is the result of a dysfunction or illness or is a dysfunction but in the case of Asexual people, it’s not and is part of being asexual for that person, same with sex repulsion; if someone is sex repulsed that may be the result of trauma or a negative experience or unhealthy upbringing/religious views but when asexual people are sex repulsed, it’s usually just part of being asexual for that person; not all asexual people are sex repulsed though) but she very well could have been homosexual but since she grew up in a heterosexist/heteronormative society and believed she was supposed to like men, never even realized that there was another possibility for her – being attracted to women. So she mistook her lack of interest in men as a lack of interest in sexual activity itself or completely.

As little girls, we are constantly told we like boys or will grow up liking boys/men. By everyone, friends, parents, teachers, family members, the media, boys/men…even today, little girls are still expected to grow up and marry or “end up with” a man. We are automatically asked “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?” “Who/when was your first boyfriend/kiss/crush?” As if we necessarily must have had a kiss or want one or have had a crush(some people don’t have crushes or fall in love romantically and are called aromantic – some aros do rarely have crushes or fall in love and some never do) or as if women by default love men and love sexual activity with men. And are met with shock, surprise, confusion, sometimes outright denial or insults if we say never, or that we’re not into that, or are same-sex/gender oriented. Yes, even in 2020, some people cannot handle diversity, homosexuality, or anything other than cis heterosexuality. Many women who are not into men, sexually/romantically, force themselves into relationships/encounters with men just to appear or “be normal.” And some are confused and genuinely believe for a while that they must be hetero/straight since it’s programed into us since birth that we like boys/men. Some women don’t realize til much later that they never liked men that way. (Of course, some women who aren’t attracted to men engage in sexual activity with men because they genuinely want to for any reason and that is ok! No one says we have to be attracted to someone to engage in sexual activity with them. I’m referring to those who force it or are confused into it.)

Men send us “dick pics” without even knowing if we like men or male assigned sex organs, assuming we do or that if we don’t, they can “fix” us, straighten us out.

(This post isn’t about what some men do to women[and some women also do things to men that is wrong]; that’s just an example; this post is about a larger issue of what society does to people who are not heterosexual/straight/cis, particularly women since Marilyn is a woman and so am I)

It’s not unheard of for a homosexual or asexual woman to hear “I can turn you straight.” Cishet women are not invalidated this way. No one expects her to turn homo or ace the way they expect & or hope an ace woman or homosexual woman will turn straight. Heterosexuality is validated just by its existence and prevalence. Cishet girls and women don’t have to feel emotionally coerced into sexual activity and romantic relationships with other women and have their identities invalidated by society, friends, family, everyone. (Though, tragically, many, if not most, heterosexual women ARE emotionally [and even physically forced] coerced into sexual activity with men, often boyfriends/husbands/dates/romantic interests…and this is a serious problem that is also not ok and very destructive to the women it happens to – It’s just as bad as being assaulted by a stranger out on a street and it’s much more common and often “normalized,” which is absolutely wrong)

Society doesn’t give us the possibility of growing up liking girls or not liking anyone that way or just wanting to be single no matter who we are attracted to or not attracted to. When we’re perpetually single, we’re constantly nagged about why and having people incessantly trying to set us up on dates or for romantic relationships as if we aren’t worthy or whole on our own, as if we’re a pathetic existence to be pitied by everyone around us and society as a whole. We see/hear the jokes and ridicule towards people who aren’t “getting any,” are “still single,” and “need to get laid.”

Women often hear: “You need to get yourself a man/a good man.”

Any so called flaw we may display, we are met with “No wonder you’re still single,” as if single is inherently wrong or bad.

Homophobia is much less common now, thankfully! Society (at least U.S. society) is very accepting of homosexuality now; many are even appalled by homophobia. There are many cishet allies who speak out against homophobia. It is still around, for sure, but much less common.

But we still have a serious issue with heteronormativity or heterosexism, assuming that everyone is straight, straight by default, ignoring lgbt identities and couples….this is destructive to lgbt and asexual youth and adults.

How many of us have had a little friend who is a boy when we were little and have a teacher or neighbor say “aww you have a little boyfriend?” That may seem innocent enough but it’s not so innocent when we already know we aren’t into boys. How many women, no matter our orientation, have been close friends or casual acquaintances with a man, one hundred percent purely platonic and have people “suspicious” that we’re actually together or interested romantically/sexually in each other or people straight up tell us they “know” we’re “seeing” or screwing each other whether we say so or not? And flat out tell us we’re lying when we say he’s a friend. Or right away when we are with a man “Is that your boyfriend?” But when we’re with a girl, no one asks “Is that your girlfriend?”

Very invalidating to platonic friendships which are just as beautiful as romantic ones.

And very invalidating & destructive to women who aren’t even into men that way. There is a suffocating sense of exclusion, of being invisible for many of those who turn out not cishet or straight, adults and youth alike.

Women & girls are incessantly demanded in medical settings to get pregnancy tests without being questioned to see if it’s necessary and are not believed/are invalidated if we explain that it’s not. Cis Heterosexuality is inherently favored just to be “on the safe side.” Most women are cis heterosexual. There are also bisexual & pansexual women who are sexually attracted to men. And some homosexual & asexual women do engage in sexual activity with men for various reasons(which is completely ok if they freely choose it). So in medical settings it’s safest to force or demand a pregnancy test(& other tests that may not be very necessary for certain asexual women – the pap test and hpv or other sti test that is centered primarily around sexual contact – It’s like an obsession that ignores ace women who are & have always been & always will be celibate & have no gyn issues or symptoms of anything – trying to force an allo identity onto someone or some aspect of another identity that doesn’t apply). It’s invalidating and erases the identities of homosexual & asexual women (or any woman in a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship with another woman) who don’t engage in sexual activity with men, possibly never have, and have no intention to. If we tell them there is no way we can have an sti(in the case of a celibate asexual person) or be pregnant (in the case of an asexual or homosexual woman who does not engage in sexual activity with men), they sometimes have the nerve to tell us that there is no way we can be sure. As if there is no such thing as a virgin, a celibate person, or a lesbian, or other woman who hasn’t engaged in sexual activity with men recently or at all (bi or pan women in relationships with other women, for example).
It may be safest and necessary overall but that doesn’t take away the pain of being erased in favor of another identity. Just one of the challenges growing up as an identity that isn’t cishet. Some aspects are no one’s fault but that doesn’t erase the pain, the sense of exclusion, the loneliness sometimes accompanied by being different than the average person in a seemingly significant way.

Allosexuality/Heterosexuality is automatically forced upon us all. And for most people, this is not painful or invalidating or erasure. It’s not exclusion to them and not suffocating because they are heterosexual (or allosexual, which is anyone who is not asexual so this includes cishets and lgbt people – it means people who experience sexual attraction, which is almost everyone, 99 percent of people) and don’t give it a second thought.

It’s invalidating. And anxiety provoking. It “confirms” that we’re not “right.” It erases our identity and tries to force another one upon us. One that is unnatural to us, foreign, one that makes no sense.

And when we don’t fit this mold or “one size fits all,” we grow up confused, repressing, mortified, scared, maybe even suicidal.

Yes, heterosexism/heteronormativity can contribute to depression, anxiety, & suicidal tendencies in some of those who are not hetero/straight. It’s erasure, societal abuse, invalidation. And in the case of asexuality, it’s not exactly anyone’s fault as no one really knows asexual people exist. Asexual people do not even know asexual people exist and grow up utterly confused, mortified, many feeling broken. But I suspect even if most people did know, they would still ignore, exclude, and invalidate asexual people as they do homosexual people. Everyone knows homosexual women exist. Yet every woman gets asked “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?” Or gets sent a dick pic or is demanded to take a pregnancy test during medical checkups, or asked out by men without being asked if she even likes men that way. Or just gets any remarks made, questions asked that assumes she loves men or sex with men.

I think Marilyn was all of these things, anxious, depressed, suicidal…at different points.

But whatever her experience, it seems like Miss Marilyn was very misunderstood. I can strongly relate to her in some ways. One thing I love about Marilyn Monroe is how it seems like every one of us or so many can see some part of our own self in her, no matter our background or experiences. Some relate to her through experience with physical illness, some through psychiatric illness, some through shared experiences with sexuality, some through similar experiences with abuse or body image or self love…or any other thing. It’s like there’s something in her for all of us, something that speaks to us in a way that only the two of us can understand, something unique to us but completely understood by her, like she lovingly holds up a shattered mirror and there’s a jagged piece for each one of us, holding us in its knowing reflection.


If anyone reads this, thanks for reading!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! 😁

Xoxo Kim πŸ’œ

It’s beginning to look a lot like…❄❄❄ [Snowy day in Philadelphia!πŸ˜‚]


It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas here in Philadelphia! Snow in October?! ❄ πŸŽƒ All these pictures were taken today! Lol

And it’s like 80 degrees here!

It’s fake! It’s a movie set. There’s a movie being filmed on the street I work! I had no clue what was going on, all this stuff that looks identical to actual snow all over the ground and falling out of the sky! ❄❄❄ Police officers and lots of other people. And the street is blocked off and security people wouldn’t let me on the street but I saw little kids, in back of the ropes blocking the street, playing in the snow and someone filming them and I was wondering why these kids are allowed to play in this stuff on a street that is blocked off but I’m not allowed on the street to go to work?!? To go to my job! But they get to play! And why does this stuff look exactly like snow?! Then I later realized the kids are actors doing their own job. 🀣 πŸ˜‚ I thought the camera person was their dad filming them playing. Lol It really just looked like a couple of kids playing and their dad filming them with an extra large camera(though he did seem a bit more professional about it 😁). I should have known something was up with so many people and large cameras and Christmas trees in October, then I realized they must be making a movie. Then found out for sure the next day when they rudely told me I was interfering with their filming. Well, I can say the same about them, you’re all interfering with my dogwalking. πŸ˜„ πŸ’©

A few years ago here in Philadelphia no one was hurt, thankfully, but there was an explosion and some soft stuff started falling seemingly out of the sky and onto the ground and I thought something like that happened again at first when I saw the fake snow falling and police. But just a movie being filmed here in the lovely City of Brotherly Love. πŸ”” It’s a Christmas scene being filmed. They are filming day & night. The street is all decorated and houses all decked out. There are Christmas πŸŽ„ lights wrapped around the trees. The poor people who live on that street have to have their houses decorated whether they want it or not! And fake snow all over and tracked into their houses. Oh, well. I wouldn’t mind. My baby here in these pictures was confused and checking out the snow. He’s only a baby so I don’t know if he ever saw snow before for real. Lol He’s a very big lab puppy.

I got to meet Adam Sandler! 🀩😍

Lol jk But he is in this movie! πŸŽ₯

And the snow is dry and warm. I felt it. Lol ❄ Feels nothing like real snow. It’s powdery.

Anyway, they had to let me on the street. It’s an interesting experience to be one of the very rare ones in the city allowed to walk onto a movie set. I got to see “Behind the scenes!” 😁Security people weren’t happy about it but I am. And I am thrilled to see some Holiday cheer in October! πŸ‚πŸπŸŽ…πŸ€Ά The actors and other workers were singing Christmas songs not as part of the movie, just for fun. Lol And they came to see my dog! πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸΎ

Perfection πŸ’œ

I’m Beautiful – Bette Midler

“Well, I woke up one morning
Flossed my teeth and decided
‘Damn, I’m fierce!'”

There’s a movie I watched recently, called, “A Perfect Ending.” It’s about a wife who is not in a happy marriage with her husband. They were never truly happy together and she never felt passion in their relationship.
There are lots of sexual scenes in this movie, just in case anyone (sex repulsed asexuals, for example) needs a content warning. And some of the scenes seem to involve BDSM(very brief and hazy scenes if I remember correctly). There is nothing wrong with this; it’s all consenting adults. But anyone who has been traumatized in any way may be triggered by any scene that appears to be an assault scene even if it’s not. For anyone who doesn’t know, BDSM(Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism, Dominance, Submission ?) , is an activity that some people like to do where they tie each other up or one ties the other up, and scream and stuff, hitting and strangling may be involved, usually for sexual purposes, but some people like to leave the sexual aspect out and just hit/strangle each other and stuff(or one hits/strangles the other) just for thrills without the sexual aspect. lol It’s all consensual so it’s all good! If I was going to do that, I would leave the sexual out of it. lol They may be couples or groups of people involved. They can be any genders. If I was going to try it, I would choose a woman to be dominant over me. I could never hit her or strangle her even if she wanted it. I don’t have it in me. I don’t want to be hit either though. Or choked to death. lol But I would take it before I would dish it out. They have a safe word that gets the dominant person to stop the strangling and stuff. It’s something that is not “No, stop, don’t” because they scream those words to make it feel real. So when they really want someone to stop, they have a word they say. I don’t know much about BDSM at all, just a very limited idea. People into BDSM are just ordinary people with a kink; any kind of person can be into it.

Hopefully, I am not saying anything disrespectful or completely inaccurate since I am not very educated on the topic.

Some people get a thrill out of inflicting pain upon a consenting adult or being the target of pain inflicted by someone else. Like I said, nothing wrong with it; whatever floats your boat as long as it’s all consensual and adults. But someone who has actually been assaulted before or experienced any kind of trauma may be triggered seeing someone tied up and screaming even if the people like it and are consenting. Our brain can’t tell the difference. And it does look scary.

Anyway, this movie is not about that at all. There is just like one or two very brief scenes I think, involving it. So just a heads up!

And there is one scene I don’t understand. It is a flashback or memory that looks like an actual assault scene(not real, of course, but real in the movie, not BDSM) , just in case anyone needs a trigger warning.

The movie also involves terminal illness. When I struggled with health anxiety for six months in 2019, I could not watch movies involving cancer. My health anxiety started out as a horrific irrational (irrational because I obsessed almost every second of every day for six months and had no true reason to believe I was sick) fear of melanoma then turned to fear of all cancer in general. Someone in the movie has terminal cancer and dies at the end. It is made clear in the beginning that someone is sick and is running out of options but we do not know who until the end. We just hear a doctor talking and see pill bottles and a cemetery stone and a casket with flowers in different scenes. We also see a paper saying someone has malignant melanoma that has metastatized(sp?? I dont care to look up the spelling) and is inoperable.

I won’t give away any very big spoilers but if anyone wants to watch without knowing anymore details, skip this post for now!

Mini spoiler warning
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.
The wife, who is very rich, financially, mentions to her friends that she is not and has never really been in love with her husband of many years. She only married him because she was a single mom of a toddler and wanted security. She mentions that she wants passion like they have in their relationship and sexual pleasure, which she has never experienced. So they suggest that she gets a callgirl and hooks up with her. They think maybe she needs a woman; they are certain that women are better lovers than men. lol (I wouldn’t know but sure they are right! 🀣😁)

(Also, I know not everyone is either a man or a woman – there are some who are non-binary or a combination of male, female, or other…In the movie they were talking about men & women though so that is why I only mentioned them. I’m not excluding anyone)

So she gets involved with a much younger and stunningly beautiful callgirl. At first it’s meant to be strictly bussiness. The woman pays the other woman for sexual pleasure and the other woman gladly accepts the money. But they soon fall madly in love with each other and it’s no longer about business. The callgirl, Paris, quits taking on other clients and wants to stay with this one woman, whose husband has no idea she is cheating. Her husband has never tried to make her feel loved and cares much about appearance and perfection. The wife has felt very insecure for years.

The younger woman, Paris, is very loving and wise.
There is a scene where the two women are laying in bed together and the young woman is stroking the older woman’s skin. She reaches for her stomach and Rebecca, the other woman, stops her.
This is a brief and beautiful conversation they have during this scene, packed with wisdom.
Rebecca: “Don’t; I hate my stomach. I haven’t been to the gym in way too long. I used to have a pretty good body before kids and menopause. I never looked like you though. Wow.
Paris: (Referring to her own physical beauty) This, this doesn’t mean anything. Rebecca.
Rebecca: I hate that I did this. (I think she’s referring to a body modification, maybe implants, but not sure)
Paris: Why did you?
Rebecca: It was a birthday present from Mason. He loves perfection. It’s sort of the one thing we have in common. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be perfect. I never felt good enough, or thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough.
Paris: All of the things that make us not perfect are what make us so perfectly who we are. That’s who you are, Rebecca. Perfection.

Isn’t this beautiful? A great reminder to us all!

It’s a sweet & beautiful love story if you ignore the fact that she’s cheating on her husband. lol Not that this makes it ok but her husband is not the best; he’s not very loving to her; their marriage is stagnant, and worst of all, he does not think of or treat her daughter as his own even though he brought her up since she was a baby. He only regards the younger brothers as his since they are biologically his. I would leave him just for that. If someone is important to us, I believe their kids should be too. If I have a friend with kids, I love her kids automatically. Also, I don’t have much experience with human children but I cannot imagine bringing up a child and not loving the child like my own and regarding the child like my own. I’m a pet nanny and I love all the furballs like my own n they are not mine in any way at all.

I love the character, Paris, the callgirl. She’s intelligent and wise and sexy and confident. She’s also compassionate. She experienced something traumatic and devastating, previously. Some may have a serious issue with her since a married woman is cheating on her husband with Paris and Paris knows she is married. But if you can forget that little detail, you may just fall in love with her. lol 😍

Whenever I watch a movie that is especially packed with wisdom or has a scene in it with a wise or beautiful message, I love to share!
So the message here is we are all beautiful, especially because of our flaws and perfect because of our imperfections. And while the physical beauty of a person is pleasing, it is not important and actually means nothing.

This does not mean not to get all dolled up or cosmetic surgery if we want and not take pleasure in someone else’s or our own beauty, just that there are more important aspects of a person. Of course beauty, hair, makeup salons are all good! I love looking at beautiful women and I follow many fashion and makeup accounts! But I know a good personality, a loving heart, is more pleasing than a pretty face or banging body. Also, more potential to be longer lasting.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ❀

Xoxo Kim

Aesthetic Attraction πŸ₯°πŸ’‹

Me! πŸ–€

She’s A Bad Mama Jama (She’s Built, She’s Stacked) πŸ’š

“She’s poetry in motion
Beautiful sight to see
I get so excited
Viewing her anatomy” πŸ’œ

Fun fact about me: I have a very strong aesthetic attraction to women, always have. Only women, both trans and cis. In case anyone is not sure what trans & cis are: A trans woman(SHE/HER – unless she states otherwise) is a person who has a body that is considered to be the body of a male(has male sexual organs) and has the gender identity/mind of a female. When they are open about it/choose to act on/express their gender identity, they often transition to whichever degree they choose(clothing, hormones, surgery…all or any of these and maybe other things) and look just like cis women look. A cis woman(SHE/HER -unless she states otherwise) is what most women are, a person who has the body of a female(female sexual organs) and also the gender identity/mind of a female and often look the way trans women who transition look. Trans and cis women are equally women no matter what organs we have or don’t have. This goes without saying but some people need to be reminded.

And sometimes, I have the aesthetic attraction to non-binary people(these are people who have any sexual organs but do not necessarily have the gender identity of a male or a female – they may have aspects of both or be agender and not have female or male aspects or some[not all] can feel male sometimes and later female or later feel agender – it’s not a choice and is valid even if it were a choice…these are just a couple examples of non-binary; there may be more and often non-binary people identify as THEY/THEM but it’s important to ask if we do not know -if unsure, asking anyone “What are your pronouns?” is completely acceptable and appropriate even someone who looks like a traditional/typical woman or man. And it’s not offensive to trans people; it is appreciated and welcome and encouraged) with strong or slight physical feminine features.

But my attraction is to female beauty and this includes women who have masculine features but still look like women.

Not any specific size, weight, age, skin color, ethnicity, long hair, short hair, no hair…just women in all of the diversity. Some more than others. It’s not a shallow or objectification thing and not sexual or romantic. Purely aesthetic. Like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or a brilliant work of art but even more inspiring and joyful.

It’s not just asexual people(those who experience little to no sexual attraction – it’s a rare & valid sexual orientation) who experience aesthetic attraction; anyone of any sexual orientation can to anyone of any gender. I met a heterosexual/straight woman online, years ago, who, like me, also has a strong aesthetic attraction to women only. She is sexually and romantically attracted to men but she finds women more pleasing to look at and goes out of her way to look.

“An essence of beauty
Ooo, such lovely hair
She’s foxy, classy
Oh, sexy sassy
She’s heavenly
A treat for the eye to see” πŸ’œ

I did not always know that’s what it is but always have known I am intensely drawn to the physical/aesthetic beauty of women and that it is not sexual/romantic. Then I learned about aesthetic attraction, which often comes with sexual attraction but the two can be separated and one can be without the other. Aesthetic attraction is loving how someone or something looks. It can be to an individual person or thing or to the kind in general. In my case, it’s women in general but stronger for some than others.

Some women are so beautiful to me, it’s like a feeling of intoxication, like when I see beautiful flowers blooming all over in the Spring under a blue, blue sky, but even more so when I see a woman.

Sometimes it’s even enough to pull me right out of a low mood, even lifting layers of a depressive episode, even pulling me out of a suicidal state if I’m in one. Not always but it does happen.

I remember many years ago, on college campus, I was depressed and suicidal and walked to Starbucks and got into the line when in front of me, I noticed an incredibly beautiful woman with long hair; she turned around and her beauty took my breath away and also literally pulled me out of my suicidal state and lifted layers of my depression. I was still depressed but less and no longer suicidal.

Like I said, this does not always happen; I can see a woman just as beautiful and it doesn’t pull me out of it or I maybe could have seen the same woman a different depressed day and not have been pulled out of it. But something about the physical beauty of a woman has a profound effect on my brain and mood and the potential to lift me to extreme elevated states no matter what my mood is already.

Even looking at myself in a mirror! lol Another day, I was depressed and suicidal, one of the worst I have ever been, and happened to look up and see my reflection in a store window, my depression was not lifted but my suicidal state was and I was able to cope better with the severe depression. I wasn’t suicidal anymore. And it wasn’t just like I liked how I look and decided I want to live, it was whatever physical effect the female physique/form/beauty has on my brain. There is probably a scientific explanation or something about how pleasing visual things can affect our mood/mental state and since women are very, very aesthetically pleasing to me, seeing us, impacts my brain like that.

There have been other days I was depressed and suicidal and looked at myself in a mirror or in pictures and it lifted my depressed and/or suicidal state. But not alway; some occasions I have looked at myself and it doesn’t lift my mood. And it’s not a discriminate thing when I see myself and it lifts a depressed mood. It’s not because it’s me and I like how I look. It’s the fact that I’m looking at a woman who I see as physically beautiful. It could just as well be a stranger. It does happen when I look at strangers, both in person and in pictures.

And if I’m not depressed at all and very happy, looking at a woman still lifts me, and the impact can last for days. One day, I was already very happy (I usually am happy) and I saw a stunning young woman with very long, brown hair and a belly shirt, smiling, holding hands with a man; I hardly noticed him but her beauty lifted me in this amazing way like seeing the beautiful sun rising over the city skyline or seeing flowers blossoming everywhere in the beginning of Spring but even more powerful. This feeling lasted a week just seeing her that briefly. It doesn’t always last that long but sometimes does, long after the woman is out of view, even days later. Some other “things” can do this for me too, like flowers for example. But not to the same depth. I put “things” in quotations because women are not things; flowers are. The word “other” implies that women are things and I wasnt sure how else to put it. Buildings also. But nothing like a pretty girl.

Recently, there were people arguing, blowing things up, yelling, some military looking police I have never seen before recently, with large guns drawn in the middle of Philadelphia, felt like being in the middle of a warzone, like somethig right out of a history book or war movie, negative things in the media and just a general feeling of heaviness and hopelessness then I noticed a beautiful young woman with long, wavy orange hair walking up the street, in a white, flowery sundress, holding hands with a man, and she had the biggest, brightest smile and sparkling eyes. A light in all this darkness. Again, I did not notice him. Her beauty overshadowed everything else. All of a sudden, the heaviness and hopeless feeling in the air was gone and everything in the world was momentarily right. Her physical beauty along with the joy and happiness radiating, filled me with joy and inspiration. I can tell she is beautiful on the inside too, positive energy surrounding her.

Later, the heavy feeling returned and I had this almost unbearable migraine-like headache then I remembered her and smiled.

It reminds me to smile even more and keep my energy positive. We never know who is looking and being affected for better or worse!

Also, the aesthetic attraction is stronger when they have clothes on. lol I see pics people share of some women with no clothes on and don’t mind at all but I noticed I prefer them with clothes. I also prefer them in non-sexual situations/positions. I have nothing against the pics where they are expressing their sexuality in explicit ways but I love the ones where they aren’t, more. When I was a kid, I did used to sneak playboy magazines in my dad’s workplace that the men had in there, to see all the lovely girls in swimsuits and things, but they were clothed to some degree and standing alone. Before the internet became more advanced/popular, I used to spend hundreds of dollars on magazines just to see the pretty girls plastered all over the pages. I hardly even read them, just looked. The inspiration it would fill me with is indescribable. Not inspiration to do anything, just a general feeling of inspiration throughout my being.

Like walking through a museum of beautiful sculptures but more joyous.

I would also take hundreds of pictures of myself(still do! lol) just to look at them and feel that inspiration and intoxication and joy. Sometimes it brightens my day just to look at a picture of myself.

Now I follow thousands of fashion and makeup instagram accounts to look at all those beauties. My newsfeed is full of beautiful women.

Again, it’s not objectification. I know a woman is much more than just looks and also inner beauty is more important! But that doesn’t lessen my joy and inspiration, looking at us!

And the aesthetic attraction isn’t just to real women but can be something that looks like a woman. Like a mannequin. It gives me that same intoxicated/joyous/inspired feeling as a real woman if it’s beautiful and realistic enough. Some mannequins are just scary. lol One day, again, I was depressed(I’m not always depressed! lol I have episodes and waves here and there) and saw a mannequin that has the realistic body of a woman (I don’t think it even had a head) and was in a store window wearing pretty clothes and stilletos and it just lifted me. I was about on the verge of becoming suicidal and the mannequin stopped it right in its tracks. Thanks!

This is not the mannequin I saw but another sexy one! And this is not my photo; it’s a screencap. ❀ It’s the first “plus-sized” mannequin for this company, NIKE, I think.

Anyway, so there we have it! A fun (and creepy) fact about me!

Aesthetic attraction is not a choice but even if I could choose it, I would! I’m thankful I turned out to have this kind of attraction to women because women are such lovely creatures! And thankful to have the aesthetic attraction without the romantic and sexual attraction because that would probably be distracting and I like experiencing the pure, raw joy of the aesthetic pleasure without the distraction and dilution of the sexual/romantic. Also, aesthetic attraction has a “no strings attached” kind of way about it. I just want to look, not touch or be touched, or want anything in return or want a mutual feeling. I don’t even necesssarily want to be noticed back. I am fulfilled and content just seeing a beautiful woman walk by me on the street then never again. Just that can lift me for a week! Maybe more!

Not always but usually people who experience sexual and romantic attraction want it back in return and like want to touch and stuff. lol! No thanks; I’m good with just looking. What a blessing to have this gift. I don’t mind seeing men or people who do not have feminine physical features, of course! I am just not aesthetically attracted to them.

There are some men I find to be exceptionally good looking but still do not bring me the aesthetic pleasure anywhere near to the same extent a woman can. And it doesn’t happen very often. I have the aesthetic attraction to women in general everyday; for men, it’s seldom individual cases and to a much lesser degree.

Whenever I do find men to be aesthetically pleasing, they are usually African American or “big”/have extra weight. Not always though. For women, there is no skin color/ethnicity/size that usually stands out as most pleasing to me. It’s equal all the way around.

In that comedy movie “John Tucker Must Die,” (lol) the one boy is like girl crazy and likes a new girl at school and his brother told him that he doesn’t think she is his brother’s type and the brother responded something like “GIRL is my type.” lol

Sounds about right!

And I admit, I am not completely educated on the appropriate/respectful way to talk/write about things relating to trans people. I for sure know about using the appropriate pronouns!! But if I write/say something that comes off as disrespectful/inappropriate, it’s only because I am not yet educated. I’m working on it. I am 100% in support of ALL trans people!!

So please correct me if anything here or any post can be worded better. To not, respectfully, call us out on it does a disservice to us all. We are trying to have an all inclusive, understanding society, who celebrates and promotes diversity and is respectful of all, and it starts with educating each other and our own self.

Some people are just careless and some are actually trying to be total assholes but I am not!!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! And hope you are surrounded in beauty in any of its forms. ❀

xoxo Kim πŸ’š

There’s beauty up aboveπŸ’œ

(Today, March 27th, 2020 – Friday afternoon)

Today, I had a break for work and was sitting in a park before going back. The park was completely empty of people except for a man I see frequently, doing exercises in the same spot in the park. He seems very cheerful and just naturally happy. He talks loudly with a chipper tone. And he speaks about lighthearted topics like fun movies. I love it! I never talked to him but love seeing & hearing him. I’m very extroverted even though I’m also very shy so being around people satisfies my extroverted way even when I am not talking to anyone.

Today, he was talking on a phone in his usual cheery tone about some film he is interested in. I found it so uplifting. I wasn’t depressed or in a bad mood or anything but still felt it had a positive impact on lifting my mood even more. The park was full of sparrows and birdsong, trees, flowers, sunlight. After a while, I decided to put my earphones in and listen to a song. Suddenly, sung by Billy Ocean. I loved the feeling it brought out in me, this sudden elevated, amazing feeling of Oneness with the park, the trees, the flowers, the sparrows, the insects, the man doing exercises…even the buildings around.

“There’s beauty up above and things we never take notice of”

I looked up at the blue, blue sky full of fluffy white clouds, the bare tree branches still clinging to Winter, the tree branches now blooming with color and flowers, the birds flying around, I saw tops of buildings…Billy Ocean is right! There is so much beauty up above, even in the most mundane things on the most ordinary, uneventful day. Things we never take notice of. I actually do take notice of the beauty all around, very frequently but not as much as I can and sometimes I purposely shut it out if I’m depressed. And many of us overlook the simple beauty everyday. Why? Who knows! We’re so used to it, we forget the wonder of it or we’re so busy or wrapped up in “bigger” things, things that stand out more than a rooftop glistening in afternoon raindrops, more than a sparrow singing on a treebranch, more than flower petals falling to the ground, the feel of the gentle breeze on our skin, the scent of the flowers, the taste of even just water…but if we just stop for a few seconds and notice all the love around us, let it fill us with awe, even if for just a few seconds, life is complete.

“You wake up, suddenly, you’re in love.”

I was in love. And still am. In love with all that is. Those sparrows scurrying about through the grass and the trees, the flowers blooming in Spring, the man doing the exercises, speaking loudly of things that may seem trivial but are really the things that make up our every day and make it more interesting. So many people think that heavy things like politics and current events are all that should be on our minds day in & day out. But I disagree. Let’s talk about the movies, the dogs in the park, our favorite song, the cafe we want to visit next…

Earlier, I felt the same way when I was out walking and I saw a sparrow fly into a tree and sit on one of the branches, covered in pink cherry blossoms. The sense of Oneness it inspired in me! And then I looked up and saw an American flag gently blowing in the wind. Then I looked ahead and saw all the cars going by and parked along the streets and I was even more reminded of the Oneness the whole world is. Not just humans or even just living things. I felt at One with the flag and the traffic and the parked cars. Just like me, they were just here existing, doing their thing.

How beautiful!

Another song I listened to in the park is, Foolish Heart, sung by Steve Perry. I have a thing for this song. It brings me beautiful images in my head and these pleasant vibes even though it’s kind of a sad song. It is beautiful that he loves even when the love is not returned to him. It’s a romantic love song but I can relate in a platonic way.

“Foolish heart, hear me calling…stop before you start falling…”❀

I hope you’ll be reminded to look around and cherish all that is. Even if we cannot see, like are physically blind, we can feel the air, experience the fragrances all around, hear the birds chirping and crickets churring…or if we cannot hear, we can still sense in other ways. Let us use whatever senses and abilities we have and bask in all this beauty right here, right now!

Much love & light, wherever in the world you are!

xoxo Kim ❀

Love is in the airπŸŒΈπŸ’—πŸŒ±

Love is in the air❀

Love is in the air, everywhere I look around
Love is in the air, every sight and every sound
And I don’t know if I’m being foolish
Don’t know if I’m being wise
But it’s something that I must believe in❀

I’m just absolutely loving this end of Winter Spring!!! I can’t get enough. The beauty is overwhelming; I don’t know what to do with it all! Everything began to blossom so early this year, in February! That is not a common occurence here in Philadelphia! I’m just walking around the streets of Philadelphia each day & night taking in all the beauty, soaking it all up before it fades into the scorching days of Summer. And the weather is lovely! So warm and sunny but a bit cool and breezy, a gentle wind, carrying the fragrances of Spring. I haven’t yet detected that floral scent that comes every Spring. It may be a bit too early for that. But there is an Earthy, grassy scent beginning to arise. I even found a couple of worms one day, recently, walking some of my work babies! My job allows me to be outdoors all day, which I love! I walk a lot outside even when I don’t have to for work. Walking, to me, is just about as important as breathing! It’s my love, my passion.

What a Wonderful WorldπŸ’š

“I see trees of green, red roses too I see them bloom for me and you And I think to myself what a wonderful world”πŸŒ±πŸ’š

Love is in the air, in the whisper of the tree
Love is in the air, in the thunder of the sea
And I don’t know if I’m just dreaming
Don’t know if I feel safe
But it’s something that I must believe in❀

I love all the kreepy krawlies each Spring & Summer!

I am making sure to capture all the beauty in sweet images while still living in the moment, just breathing it in. What a gift Spring is! And so fleeting! Soon, everything that blooms gets old and disappears and the cool breeze quickly turns to heatwaves. But for now, the city is a lovely floral disarray of beauty! Flower petals all over the ground, green grass and weeds all over; I couldn’t ask for more. Just lovely. Almost too good to be true but it is true!

I am deeply inspired. Overwhelmed in joy that springs forth and consumes all of me. Completely enraptured.

“I see skies of blue and clouds of white The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night And I think to myself what a wonderful world”

Like living in an endless love song.

Lovin’ You❀

Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtime
‘Cause lovin’ you has made my life so beautifulπŸ’š

Yesterday, the park I walk by a lot was full of people, kids playing, dogs running about, people on benches eating ice cream, pushing baby strollers, doing exercises on the grass, taking pictures, drinking iced coffee…it was like a little sliver of Heaven right here on Earth. I walked through the park to look at all the trees and flowers in bloom. I stood under the flowery trees, looking up, and just breathing deeply. I couldnt stop smiling. The peace and calm that washes over me. Indescribable.

“In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair.” πŸ’š

“Under a cherry tree, there are no strangers.”πŸ’—πŸŒΈβ€

“Gratitude is not a mere word; it is not a mere concept. It is the living breath of your real existence on earth.” ❀

I loved hearing all the laughter, seeing all the smiles, dogs barking, kids happily screaming…what a wonderful world! Just live in the moment with no future and no past. Just now. Standing before incredible beauty and it’s like touching Nirvana, Love Supreme, Enlightenment, Jannah, Heaven, even if just for a few moments.

“There is only now. And look! How rich we are in it.” πŸ’—πŸŒΈπŸŒ±

“The magic of the present moment that is warily stored in the granary of our memory may pop up at any time and usher us along the winding paths of our life, and light up the dead points in the dim curves of our journey.” πŸŒΈπŸŒ±πŸ’—

“What a strange thing! To be alive beneath cherry blossoms.”πŸ’—πŸŒΈ

There is lots of horror in this world but also so much good. And it’s so great to be thankful for the good and be mindful of all the gems of hope, love, beauty…scattered about each day. I am celebrating, rejoicing. 🌱

Life is beautiful.πŸ’—

“Don’t look for peace. Don’t look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.”πŸ’š

The beauty of Spring shifts something within me, moves something, shakes something, and my whole being is filled with awe and gratitude. Like vibrations of love flowing through me.

“I see friends shaking hands saying ‘how do you do’ They’re really saying ‘I love you'”πŸ’™

How beautiful! So many ways to say I love you.❀

Much love & light to you and big hugs to anyone who wants/needs a loving hug, since we probably don’t see each other in person, it will have to be virtual for now! But the love is still the same! ❀

xoxo Kim