Tag Archive | love

Being Kind๐Ÿ’•

Being Kind – Empty Hands

“Last night I’m walking home
And a homeless man says โ€˜hello’
With a smile to let me know
That he’s got a lotta’ hope

He says have faith, young man, we are fine
The world is kind, one small act at a time

Small acts we do together
Even though may be alone
Changes the world for the better
So we can call it home”

People in person are so, so, SO much kinder and more civil and open minded than people on social media. I don’t understand it. There is so much arguing and snippy comments even over petty stuff like a silly meme. I get more positive comments than unpleasant but I definitely get unkind messages/comments somewhat frequently sometimes and I see the pointless negative and mocking comments others receive. And the threads I see with people debating, almost always end up full of vicious insults and ridicule. It’s like people *look* for things to be angry and offended over these days, and go out of their way to be unkind to others online. Even just slightly negatively sarcastic comments are often slung online when they probably would be less likely in person because through a screen, we feel more bold with a degree of anonymity, or we see people as less human and less worthy of respect.

Would you all do this in person if it was all the same people but in each other’s faces without a screen as a protective barrier? I would think we would be embarrassed to act in person how we do online and should be embarrassed acting that way online too.

Recently I was out in person with a group of lgbtq people, who all just met each other, and it was so much a pleasant interaction talking about all kinds of stuff, lgbtq related and not, even a couple of debates where some disagreed with others, that I realized even more how very toxic social media can be because of how people choose to use it. On social media we want to jump down each other’s throats then use our big bad blocking power to ultimately put them in their place after chewing them out.

The conversation I had with people in person are some of the very same I have/see online and it was a totally different experience in person, much more pleasant and a deeper sense of connection. I missed it and haven’t experienced it in so long.

It was like a “breath of fresh air” to be able to chat, laugh, joke about things that online would have triggered unnecessary insults, negative tones, ignorant comments, people blocking. And there was no exclusion or judging, just a bunch of people accepting and understanding each other completely.

The scary thing is though, these keyboard warriors and anonymous a$$holes online are real people who exist and they must be somewhere in person so where are they? Are they pretending to be kind in person because they don’t have the nerve to act how they do online? Or maybe they just stay in being all “bad” online and never showing their faces for real. Not sure, but I can say the in person world is a much friendlier place than social media world.

This morning I woke up to an online lgbtq debate by people at each other’s throats, slinging insults and accusations and ridiculing each other, even people on the “same side” just because of how something was worded or a minor disagreement on something else. When I was out with people in person recently, we had this same discussion/debate that I saw here and not once did anyone insult each other or ridicule each other or get snippy. No one scoffed at each other and there were no laughing emojis as a tool to use invalidation and ridicule as abuse.

It was just a totally safe space and a feeling of togetherness.

Everyone offered their own views and experiences and were all happy to hear the views/experiences of others.

Also, in person when talking to people we just meet, it’s easier to get an idea of the person’s character and tone and true intentions than through a screen. There was a debate that could have gotten ugly fast and if I was witnessing it/engaging in it online, I may have thought some people were the biggest a-holes and not have wanted to interact with them anymore but in person, we really see where the person is “coming from.” We can detect their tone and pick up on body language/energy, nuances, mannerisms to a greater extent than online.  Not everyone is the d!ck we may think they are online, when we are face to face with them, in the flesh. It’s much easier to judge and dismiss online than in person. People’s intentions are definitely more obvious in person sometimes. And it’s easier to see them as human, as flesh and blood, as full of emotion, as a person with many different aspects. Online, it’s easier to think of them as just an online figure or “just some a$$” who lives across the country/world.

The internet, if not handled carefully, is a tool that can be used to dehumanize people.

So many online interactions end with people blocking and reporting each other’s accounts; our recent in person interaction ended with us making plans to meet up and all hang out again.

It reminds me of when people say they are in an abusive relationship/family/have     sh!tty friends for so long and they finally get out and meet someone new who shows them how they really should be loved and that they are better than how they have been being mistreated. Most of my socialization and conversations and the ones I witness about lgbtq/political… issues are online. Getting back out in person reminded me how social interactions should be, not the abuse we endure online.

Social media is a great thing and allows us to do so much good and keep in touch with/meet people we never would without it but it’s so unfortunate how people misuse it to carry out abuse.

I suggest we all be more kind in person and online. And remember online people are real people, not just some online figures we can use as targets for abuse then go our merry way without a care in the world. Those thumbnail pictures we see and the usernames represent actual people with real lives and emotions.

And a reminder to people who have only/mainly social interactions online and encounter much hostility, it’s not an accurate reflection of the outside world! People are generally kind. It’s just the internet tends to bring out people who choose to be unpleasant in interacting with others and allows them to feel less awkward being unnecessarily unkind.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Xoxo Kim ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ

Honoring the present moment ๐ŸŒธ

Processed with VSCO with preset

This is a beautiful blog and blog post by husband & wife, Marc & Angel. I love their wisdom. I recommend this blog post to all! I think it’s a reminder most of us can use now and again. ๐Ÿ’—๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿฅ€โš˜๐ŸŒฑ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒป๐ŸŒบ


“Admitting the Hard Truth, and Embracing It

Where you are and what youโ€™re doing at any given moment is absolutely essential.

Because it is the only moment guaranteed to you.

You are not on your way somewhere else.

You are not progressing to a more important time or place.

The present is not just a stepping-stone: It is the ultimate destination, and you have already arrived.

This moment is where your greatest power lies.

This moment is your life!

It might seem obvious, but, again, I forget.ย  And I know you do too.

All day, every day, many of us feel like the present isnโ€™t enoughโ€”like our life isnโ€™t worthy of our full presence.”

“What if we admitted that life is slipping away right now, and saw the fleeting time we have as enough, without needing to share it on social media or capture it or alter it in any way?”

This is true. I have found a balance of both, treasuring the present moment while also capturing its beauty to share with others. I take in the beauty and if it’s still there after basking in the presence of it, I take a pic. When I’m standing under a cherry ๐ŸŒธ blossom tree and there’s a butterfly or sparrow on one of its branches, I first allow myself to be in the moment and if it’s all still the same a few moments later and I can get a picture, that’s amazing, and if not, that’s great too! But experiencing it, fully, is more important than getting a picture and interrupting the full presence. Sometimes I look out a window and see a beautiful scene with traffic and people and I have an urge to run and get my phone for a picture to capture it exactly as it is thwn before it changes but I know if I turn to get my phone, it won’t be the same when I get back, so I just stand and accept the beauty as it is in that fleeting moment without a picture.

One Hard Thing You Must Admit Before Your Life Slips Away by Marc & Angel

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ๐Ÿ’—

Xoxo Kim

Clowns ๐Ÿคก

Clowns ๐Ÿคก – Too Much Joy – song

“I have nightmares filled with clowns and you’re there too

You have a big red nose and stupid floppy shoes

You’re becoming one I can see the signs” ๐Ÿคก

Trigger Warning โš ๏ธ: Phobias mentioned here

Fun fact: Last night, I had a dream about coulrophobia. So I decided to turn myself into a clown. Lol

In the dream, I was watching a movie about a young man with coulrophobia(fear of clowns). I don’t remember what his job was in my dream but whatever it was, his coulrophobia was interfering with his quality of work. For something to do with his job, he had to see a clown ๐Ÿคก or something if I remember correctly. His job was not actually about clowns though. It was something he usually did not have to encounter but it just happened that he had to cross paths with a clown now at work, just a coincidence. Maybe he had to visit someone’s house for work where they had a clown figure or photo? I don’t really remember much about that but whatever it was, his quality of work was greatly suffering and his boss was angry. He ordered him to be treated with exposure therapy, a form of treatment often used to treat phobias. The young man was having emotional difficulty with the exposure. He had to walk alone into a dark room in an old warehouse or factory or something like that, at night, full of life sized clown mannequins so he can get used to them and no longer be afraid. He couldn’t handle it.

In the movie in my head, his boss called him and was angrily telling him to get his shit together and stop acting like a coward and get on with it because he had work to get done. He was tired of his “nonsense.” I can still hear his voice dripping with arrogance, disdain, indifference to someone else’s suffering.

The movie in my dream was about how people who were murderers, dressed as clowns just like the clown mannequins used for his exposure, and creeped into the building and stood in the room next to the fake ones so they could eventually jump out at him during his exposure treatment. Lol It wasn’t part of the therapy and his boss wasn’t in on it. They were just psychos who somehow knew about it. They were strangers.

In my dream, I somehow got into the movie. Like it somehow turned real. But this wasn’t strange in my dream like it would have been for real. Like in reality we would be amazed, shocked, or confused if we somehow got into a movie or a movie turned real. But in my dream it was just a casual thing. The movie was all of a sudden not a movie and was real life and I was in it. I was walking into the dark room with the clowns. I knew the killers were in there since I just was watching the movie and wasn’t sure if they would lunge for me or not. But I had something to do in that room. I don’t remember what or even if I knew in the dream but I wasn’t sure if I should keep going and fulfill my obligation or turn around and leave since the killers were in there. The young man wasn’t there and I knew he would be coming soon. I think whatever I had to do was for my own job. This is realistic of me to still consider doing something that needs to be done even if it may be dangerous to me. I work with dogs and sometimes they can be aggressive. There are occasions I still considered interacting with them even when they clearly wanted to rip me to shreds. Lol And occasions I had to still feed and give them water while they were coming at me because a dog has to eat. Lol So this part of my dream makes perfect sense.

I wasn’t scared in the dream but a bit anxious and my body was tense like it was deciding it maybe should run. Then I saw some of the clowns moving and a vague thought crossed my mind like is this real or is it part of a movie I was just watching. It was like reality (the dream’s reality) and the movie blended.

So I wasn’t sure what would happen. Are they going to get me or ignore me? I had a feeling like they weren’t going to try to kill me. This is how I am for real in general, very trusting and always expecting the least bad thing to happen. I generally have this feeling like everything will work out well. I am not very anxious. I have suffered a couple bouts with anxiety but am generally not someone who is anxious. So I wasn’t extremely concerned for myself.

This feeling like this is real but also not is difficult to explain but in the dream it made sense. It was like a blend of something. Like sort of real, sort of not. I think this is common in dreams.

I think I decided not to walk into the room just in case the clowns tried to kill me. Better safe than sorry. Lol I remember walking away with this feeling of being very safe.

Then I woke up. Lol Intrigued by the dream. I don’t know what provoked that vivid and detailed dream or if there is really a movie like this but if there is one, I haven’t seen it. My head just made it up.

I had exposure therapy myself in reality, a few years ago, for debilitating claustrophobia. It began as professional treatment but I quit and handled it on my own, continuing exposure on my own terms. My claustrophobia was interfering with life because I have to get on elevators for work. There is no option sometimes to use the stairs and my claustrophobia was taking over everyday even when I did not have to get on elevators that day because I knew I would soon have to get inside them. In my dream, I sort of remembered my real life exposure therapy and how it was absolutely frightening at first and I experienced empathy and compassion for the young man. It’s like cruelty, irony, the thing we fear most in life is the very thing we must come face to face with alone, to get better.

I used to avoid elevators at all costs. I used to run up 20 or more things of stairs just to avoid them. This wasn’t a problem because I am very healthy and fit and energetic, always have been. But in college I had to get to buildings early to be able to run up 20 or more floors without being late for classes.

Sometimes that isn’t an option and stairs are blocked off. Some years ago, my claustrophobia triggered suicidal depression in me to the point I couldn’t even hold my toothbrush to brush my teeth in the mornings. I couldn’t handle knowing on any random day I may have to go into an elevator and that triggered a depressive episode that became no longer about that; the depression took on a life of its own. So I was struggling with a severe depressive episode on top of a bad, bad case of claustrophobia.

I grew up claustrophobic for an unknown reason. I have been for as long as I can remember, mostly about elevators. But it was rarely a problem because I rarely had any reason to have to get into them. So it may not have been able to be diagnosed as claustrophobia back then. Sometimes I had to avoid visiting people in hospitals because I couldn’t get into an elevator to the hospital room. On the occasions I did force myself, I would have some psychiatric breakdown. I have collapsed in crippling panic and have embarrassed family in front of strangers at the mere thought of getting into an elevator. Now I think it’s hilarious, especially embarrassing my mom and dad. One day when I was little we were all on a glass elevator with a stranger and I began to panic. I screamed at the top of my lungs and began kicking and flailing my arms and yelling let me out, let me out, let me out….just to go up two floors. The stranger turned and just stared in shock. My mom and dad were so embarrassed. ” My mom yelled, “Kim, you did NOT have to act like that!!!” It gives me a good belly laugh now when I remember it. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜น I remember my body flooded with sweet relief when that door opened.

All these years later, if I wanted to keep my job, I had to get over it. And I did. Years of claustrophobia gone in just a few weeks of simple regular exposure. Exposure works wonders, at least for me. It made me realize how something so powerful and debilitating is actually very, very weak.

Whenever I had to step into an elevator, it felt like I was going to die. My mouth dried up and always tasted like metal, like literally tasting fear. My entire body felt squeezed in the chokehold of death. The fear is so powerful it feels like I would *literally* go insane, like lose all sense of language and awareness and bodily movements. I felt like I could claw out my own eyes and claw off my own skin. And one day I actually did claw my own skin off when I was in an elevator alone as a teenager. There was no way out of the building unless I got into an elevator. I went into a panic and just mindlessly began ripping my skin off with my fingernails. Everything turned white like this blinding light around my head. I couldn’t see or think. All I could do was claw at my own body, my arms and ab, all bleeding when I finally stepped out of the elevator.

Welcome to my nightmare. ๐Ÿ–ค

(almost had a cow when I saw this a couple years ago ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿคฃ Just sitting there, doors wide open as if to tempt me; it felt like it was watching me, daring me. Lol It’s an old out of service elevator in a building I visit for work. It hasn’t been in use for some years and is in a strange place, not near the rest of the elevators and looks all old and dingy while the rest are newer looking and its doors are ALWAYS closed. But one day, I walk by and the doors are open! Holy guacamole! My heart nearly leapt out of my chest. Luckily my claustrophobia was already healed by then but this thing made it want to come back ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜น Some things you just can’t unsee)

It has always felt like an eternity before the doors opened again and a sense of deep, deep dread and despair & regret as I watched them close on me.

It’s a kind of fear that knocks the wind out of me and takes my whole breath away. I have been in awe at how powerful it is.

I had a relapse once after mostly recovering when it seemed like an elevator door took a second too long to open, when I was inside by myself. It came back with a vengeance. It was way worse than before. I got mostly rid of the claustrophobia on my own by getting into elevators with dogs and found it healing. Then it came back then the regular exposure on my own helped significantly.

Now even if a door seems to take longer to open, I don’t have breakdowns or relapses. I get into elevators everyday by myself with no problems at all and find them very peaceful. Like a very brief reprieve where the outside world and all its problems and noise and stress and drama can’t touch me.

I love how a place that once felt so dark and cold and deadly is now a place of warmth and security like being wrapped in a cozy blanket.

There are some random occasions, I am a bit anxious with elevators and avoid them or sometimes suck it up and get into them anyway. But it’s not frequent. And not severe. I know if I am already anxious about something else, something unrelated, and have to get into an elevator, it sometimes triggers the claustrophobia but it goes away again. I believe if I ever stop getting into elevators for a long while then I do again, the claustrophobia may come back. I have experienced this already. So I try to get into them as much as possible to keep it away. It’s a lifelong condition that has to be controlled with regular exposure or I will go insane with fear again.

I don’t know what is up with this dream. Lol But it reminds me a bit of my own real experience. Even the old, dark warehouse where the clowns were. My work office used to be in one. Lol

I am not afraid of clowns and never have been. This wasn’t a scary dream at all. It wasn’t a nightmare even though it may seem like it. I don’t usually have dark or scary dreams. They’re usually positive, happy, or mundane. Though I have been plagued off and on, for as long as I can remember, by nightmares about being inside elevators and being stuck in them, sometimes with people, usually alone. Or sometimes terrifying dreams knowing I will soon be getting into an elevator. Sometimes I wake myself up before it happens or I force myself awake after I get into one if I can. I still have them on rare occasions but almost never since the claustrophobia went away. They are horrifying dreams and just dreadful. I had them since I was little even when I did not have to get into elevators and haven’t been recently in one. My brain just obsessed with them for some reason. I don’t ever remember any unpleasant experience with elevators that made this happen, just grew up with it. My earliest memories are terror when near an elevator. Couldn’t even bring myself to look at them walking by. I used to curse whoever invented them. I felt like that person destroyed my life sometimes.

This dream is bizarre for me because I don’t usually have them like this and it seems a bit creative. I’m not someone who is a creative writer or anything. So I don’t know why my head made this up.

Very recently, like just over one week ago, I saw the word “heliophobia” and looked it up to see what it is(a fear of the sun or bright light) and while scrolling, the word “coulrophobia” showed up. I think this is what inspired the dream but don’t know why just seeing that word and a pic of a clown holding balloons would inspire a whole story in my head while I sleep. Lol It’s heliophobia I was was interested in, not the clown one.

And the dream was very, very vivid. I remember the clowns and their faces and their pastel colored pj’s and balloons.๐ŸŽˆ And I remember the young man very clearly but don’t remember ever seeing him for real in person. I read before that all faces we see in dreams are real faces we saw at one point in life, even if years ago. It doesn’t mean in the dream they were who they are in reality, just that the face is real. I don’t know if it’s true.

Horror movies are my guilty pleasure, which I think also contributed to the dream, and I think this would be a good movie! ๐Ÿ˜

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever you are!

Xoxo Kim ๐Ÿ’œ

Just breathe ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ•‰

Mozart: Canzonetta Sullโ€™aria – YouTube song ๐ŸŽต

Relaxing songs list – website

How to use 4-7-8 breathing for anxiety – website

Diaphragmatic Breathing – Short youtube video to quickly learn how to breathe most effectively

(Content/possible trigger warning โš ๏ธ: In part of this post, I briefly & lightly mention BDSM, a kink, where people, with consent, may be t**d up, usually in a s*xual context. It’s nothing graphic that I explain but just mentioning something to do with breathing that I learned in a fiction book about BDSM, that helps with meditation. But anyone who has experienced trauma may be triggered even by non graphic things, even by seeing certain words so I may block some things out with *** It’s important to face triggers but only when ready as possible, not by suddenly seeing a post on the internet when not in the frame of mind. Also, some asexual people do not want to encounter anything that has anything to do with s*x even if they weren’t traumatized because it’s icky or repulsive to them[not prudes at all, just grossed out and/or tired of hearing about the s*x constantly when it’s not in someone’s nature to want/crave it].

I’ll put a warning before the mention of the BDSM so any trauma survivors or aces can skip it. And I will put the caution signs โš ๏ธ โš ๏ธ โš ๏ธ โš ๏ธ at the end so anyone who skips can see where it ends and continue reading.)

The 4-7-8 breathing technique, also known as ‘relaxing breath,’ involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds.

This is a very simple and powerful technique to stop anxiety in its tracks. Of course, it may not work for every single person but is effective for many, if not most. For me, it works instantly.

I haven’t been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and never struggled with general anxiety but I have suffered a six month long battle with debilitating health anxiety in 2019. And in 2015 I lost my close friend unexpectedly to a heart attack and after that have struggled with bouts of anxiety off and on and fear of others I know all of a sudden dying. Every now and again but not frequently, I have this terrible suffocating fear arise that someone I know will die soon or is dying right now or will suffer an illness. It’s something that comes and goes and even though it’s not constant or usually frequent, it is difficult to bear when it does occur. It can feel like it will never end and like I am the only one in the world suffering it. I have also struggled with crippling claustrophobia, which I have conquered on my own as I frequently must get on elevators for work. It was important for me to heal it.

So while I don’t have anxiety as badly or frequently as some people and don’t currently have a disorder, I know what it’s like to be plagued by anxiety sometimes. I believe my experience with health anxiety in 2019 would have been diagnosed as a fullblown disorder if I would have asked for help. It takes extreme strength and courage to battle anxiety. It’s a display of strength and courage to live with anxiety, NOT a sign of weakness or cowardice. People with anxiety are forced to be stronger than people without anxiety have to be, yet often feel we are weak and cowardly if we are anxious and fearful. There is no way we would be surviving it each second if we were weak minded. It takes emotional and physical strength to endure. To me, it’s worse than depression and I have suffered severe depression off and on for years. It’s difficult to imagine the strength of anxiety survivors who live with it regularly. Just six months for me was nearly unbearable.

My anxiety when it arises, more often than not, manifests as physical sensations and emotions as opposed to thoughts. Because of this, mine may be easier to calm down when it does arise than if I had deeply rooted fears and thoughts.

My heart pounds, nearly out of my chest, my breathing becomes shallow, my head spins, and bolts of fear run up and down my body, heart palpitations, and I have this terrible feeling that someone I know is dying, near death, or will soon die. Sometimes it lasts off and on for days, usually just off and on in one day. It tends to be worse at night and early mornings when it is occurring. And sometimes my health anxiety for my own self tries to return and convince me I have cancer. It’s absolutely frightening and life destroying when it’s constant like in 2019. I developed uncontrollable rituals each day, incessantly checking for lumps and marks on my body. I stayed on Google day and night reading about diseases and looking at pictures of diseases I was convinced I had. It was a fullblown obsession. How I survived those six months, I still don’t know.

When it’s out of control, it’s very difficult to meditate or just breathe so best to catch it when a symptom or episode is just beginning, or beginning to worsen, or not quite as intense. When my heart begins to pound or those bolts of fear ripple up and down my body, I do the 4-7-8 breathing technique and instantly my body calms. It’s not a cure, of course, but a good way to get instant relief and if it becomes a habit, it may just be a “cure” for some or at least make anxiety less frequent. It’s just it can be difficult finding the motivation or time to make it an ingrained habit. Or for many, their anxiety is just generally too severe to be able to sit there and breathe, mindfully.

But for me, it does work. When I’m out walking, if I am hit with fear or panic or anxious sensations, I do that breathing technique. Also, I haven’t made it a habit yet but at night/morning, I listen to a peaceful song/music and do the breathing technique even if I am not currently anxious. It’s very pleasant and can prevent anxiety. It instills in me a peaceful sensation all throughout.

One thing to be mindful of is if we meditate only infrequently or haven’t in a while, meditation may bring out more fear or anxiety or anger or sadness or grief…, because we have emotions and responses to everyday life and certain experiences already inside us and often pent up. Meditation will loosen it up and bring it all to the surface/consciousness like a plunger loosening all the contents in a sink or toilet. Lol It may make it seem like meditation or mindfulness is a bad thing or just not for us. But could just be we have to meditate more often. Everyday we experience things and our emotional reactions no matter how serious or not, build up. We get cut off in traffic, we drop things, we spill coffee on our white shirt, we see someone almost get hit by a car running across a street, we hear a loud noise that startles us, our coworker says something that ticks us off, we may remember someone dying years ago and feel current distress or sadness about it…all of our emotional reactions to these things stay inside us even if we quickly forget them. Then meditation brings it all out later and we may feel the stress, anger, fear for a while after a meditation session but it’s actually a good thing as all those emotions need a release.

Shoulder blade squeeze

As I mention when promoting breathing exercises, I suggest people who are physically able to, as long as it’s safe for them, do the shoulder blade exercise at the beginning to open up the airways and make breathing easier and deeper.

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Some years ago, I read a fiction legal thriller series of books by Stephen Penner, for fun and learned an invaluable life tip. In one of the books, the medical examiner, character, Dr. Kat Anderson, explained that putting our arms back like that opens the chest cavity and helps us breathe better. In the book a woman was accidentally killed by her man while they were engaging in BDSM, a kink where they tie each other up and stuff; it looks and sounds violent but is usually safe and is one hundred percent consensual.

The characters were hooking up and he tied her arms back with her consent and he accidentally killed her. The doctor explained how she would have died sooner if not for her arms being tied back like that. The reason she died is he choked her (with her consent) and since her arms were back, she was breathing better so lived longer. I realized I can do that before meditations to make me breathe more deeply and just randomly throughout the day and then a professional fitness trainer told me the same thing, to do that all day, everyday. It aids in our breathing.

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So put your arms straight at your sides then lift them to your waist, bend the elbows and squeeze shoulder blades for five seconds then loosen for a few seconds then do the same again however many sessions you see fit. Don’t shrug your shoulders while squeezing the shoulder blades. That isn’t necessary and may not be safe or effective.

This is only for people who can safely do this, don’t have pain or physical limitations, have arms…I understand this isn’t for everyone. I think the average person can do this though. Remember for counting seconds, 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi….I learned this is elementary school just saying one two three is less than a second so put the Mississippi after and it’s closest to one second. ๐Ÿ˜

This song in the YouTube video above, Mozart: Canzonetta Sullโ€™aria, is one of my favorite ones to meditate to. It’s beautiful and peaceful and scientifically shown to be one of the most relaxing songs on Earth. Weightless – ten hour version or Weightless – eight minutes version is the actual most relaxing (scientifically proven) and I love that one too. But this one is a bit too relaxing and can make us sleepy or go to sleep. I’m not always trying to go to sleep after meditation. Sometimes I’m meditating in the morning or afternoon or out walking or before work and Weightless isn’t a good idea those occasions. But it’s great right before sleep or if it doesn’t matter if we are sleepy.

When breathing, only the abdomen should move, not the chest. And breathing should always be inhaling through the nose with the stomach expanding and exhaling through the mouth with stomach deflating. It’s called diaphragmatic breathing and does matter. It’s the proper way to breathe, the most healthy, but most of us don’t breathe that way and our breathing is shallow. Diaphragmatic breathing is best for coping with pain and anxiety and just the healthiest in all of life.

Remember to breathe as slowly and deeply as possible, especially breathing out. It takes practice. And remember to gently bring your wandering mind back to breath. That takes practice too. Everyone without exception will have a wandering mind, even those experienced with meditation. It’s just the nature of the human mind. It’s not a flaw or something worthy of self criticism. It’s just important to catch it as best as we can because before we know it our allotted meditation time is over and was taken up daydreaming of our lunch later, or some task at work tomorrow, or stores we have to visit. Again, not a flaw! And not an indication that we aren’t good at mediation. It happens to everyone who tries to meditate or do breathwork. It’s just important to get into the habit of catching it as much as possible for mediation to be most effective.

Anyone who tries meditation or breathwork is successful. Just taking that step to better our own self and be better for those around us is an accomplishment.

Hugs, love, inner peace, and light to all! ๐Ÿ’—

Xoxo Kim

Marilyn’s Diary ๐Ÿ’œ



(This is a pic I took of a picture of Marilyn Monroe and I edited my pic with glitch apps – Glitch photography is my favorite hobby!)

“Sex is a baffling thing when it doesn’t happen. I used to wake up in the morning, when I was married, and wonder if the whole world was crazy, whooping about sex all the time. It was like hearing all the time that stove polish was the greatest invention on Earth.
Then it dawned on me that people – other women – were different than me. They could feel things I couldn’t. And when I started reading books I ran into the words ‘frigid,’ ‘rejected,’ and ‘lesbian.’ I wondered if I was all three of those things.

A man who had kissed me once had said it was very possible I was a lesbian because I apparently had no response to males — meaning him. I didn’t contradict him because I didn’t know what I was. There were times even when I didn’t feel human and times when all I could think of was dying. There was also the sinister fact that a well-made woman had always thrilled me to look at.”

“Why I was a siren, I hadn’t the faintest idea. There were no thoughts of sex in my head. I didn’t want to be kissed, and I didn’t dream of being seduced by a duke or a movie star. The truth was that with all my lipstick and mascara and precarious curves, I was unsensual as a fossil. But I seemed to affect people quite otherwise.”

“I have noticed since that men usually leave married women alone, and are inclined to treat all wives with respect. This is no great credit to married women. Men are always ready to respect anything that bores them. The reason most wives, even pretty ones, wear such a dull look is because they’re respected so much.
Maybe it was my fault that the men in the factory tried to date me and buy me drinks. I didn’t feel like a married woman. I was completely faithful to my overseas husband, but that wasn’t because I loved him or even because I had moral ideas. My fidelity was due to my lack of interest in sex.”

I love, love, LOVE these quotes attributed to Marilyn Monroe! Said to be found in a journal of hers that no one knew about. There is some debate about whether she was a homosexual woman or maybe an asexual woman. (Asexual meaning a person who experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone of any gender- It’s an orientation[an uncommon one] like heterosexuality or homosexuality, for example, and common for asexual people to have no sex drive and not like/want sexual activity, and there are also asexual people who do like/want sexual activity and have a sex drive, just not directed at anyone in particular – They are called sex favorable asexuals, aces who don’t care about sexual activity either way, can go happily forever without it but may accept an offer, are called sex indifferent, and aces who will not try sexual activity or try it and are repulsed and don’t want it ever are called sex repulsed asexuals – all of these are equally asexual and equally valid – It is a destructive misconception that asexuality means wanting no sex – it means experiencing sexual attraction much less frequently than the average person, some experience it not at all and not all but most aces grow up asexual. Very common for aces to not want sexual activity at all ever but also ones who love it or engage in it for other purposes- There are asexual sex workers and promiscuous asexual people and I support them all!).

An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction โ€“ they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or better; we just face a different set of needs and challenges than most sexual people do. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community in the needs and experiences often associated with sexuality including relationships, attraction, and arousal.Asexuality.org

Ironically Marilyn was viewed as a sex symbol, very sexy, and very sexual and believed to be very into men. (And there is nothing wrong with a woman being very sexual and into men and being promiscuous and expressing her sexuality! It’s a great way to be! I support all women and women freely expressing their sexuality how they please. ๐Ÿ’œ) But according to some of the things said to be written in her journal, she wasn’t into men at all. People assume that because a woman dresses and carries herself a certain way, it’s automatically for men or automatically sexual. But believe it or not, some women love and are sexually attracted to other women. And some don’t love anyone that way and/or are attracted to no one and are not sexual beings at all(some who are on the asexual spectrum and the aromantic spectrum[little to no romantic attraction to anyone of any gender]).

And many women dress how we do for our own selves! I know, shocking, right?! Everything we do doesn’t revolve around men and/or sex. Sorry. Not sorry. But it’s twisted how society is so sex crazed and heterosexist/heteronormative and projects it onto us all. It’s a perversion. People sexualize little girls who wear leggins and short shirts/gymnastics clothing and that is repulsive. Little girls dress like that because they like it and the clothes are comfy and cute. Anyone who says otherwise is perverted and sexualizing them. And they do this to us at every age. Nothing wrong with an age appropriate woman dressing to express her sexuality but not all who dress a certain way are!

It’s hard to tell if her attraction to women was purely aesthetic or sexual. Aesthetic attraction is loving to look at someone because of how the person looks. Some people are homoaesthetic and love to check out people of their own gender but there is no desire to touch or have any kind of sexual contact with them. It’s like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or flowers….Often sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction go together but some developed the aesthetic attraction without the sexual aspect. Homosexual women, for example, are usually inherently homoaesthetic (love to look at/check out other women) but ace girls and straight girls can be too. And it’s possible for a homosexual woman to prefer looking at men than women. So heteroaesthetic. Or possibly bi/panaesthetic if they love looking at men and women and/or people of other genders. This is true for any genders. I’m using women as an example because I’m a woman myself. But men can love looking at other men whether or not they are sexually attracted to them. And homosexual men can love looking at women. Some even love boobs. Lol

To me this sounds more like she was asexual with no sex drive (not a disorder, just another way to be – usually no or low sex drive is the result of a dysfunction or illness or is a dysfunction but in the case of Asexual people, it’s not and is part of being asexual for that person, same with sex repulsion; if someone is sex repulsed that may be the result of trauma or a negative experience or unhealthy upbringing/religious views but when asexual people are sex repulsed, it’s usually just part of being asexual for that person; not all asexual people are sex repulsed though) but she very well could have been homosexual but since she grew up in a heterosexist/heteronormative society and believed she was supposed to like men, never even realized that there was another possibility for her – being attracted to women. So she mistook her lack of interest in men as a lack of interest in sexual activity itself or completely.

As little girls, we are constantly told we like boys or will grow up liking boys/men. By everyone, friends, parents, teachers, family members, the media, boys/men…even today, little girls are still expected to grow up and marry or “end up with” a man. We are automatically asked “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?” “Who/when was your first boyfriend/kiss/crush?” As if we necessarily must have had a kiss or want one or have had a crush(some people don’t have crushes or fall in love romantically and are called aromantic – some aros do rarely have crushes or fall in love and some never do) or as if women by default love men and love sexual activity with men. And are met with shock, surprise, confusion, sometimes outright denial or insults if we say never, or that we’re not into that, or are same-sex/gender oriented. Yes, even in 2020, some people cannot handle diversity, homosexuality, or anything other than cis heterosexuality. Many women who are not into men, sexually/romantically, force themselves into relationships/encounters with men just to appear or “be normal.” And some are confused and genuinely believe for a while that they must be hetero/straight since it’s programed into us since birth that we like boys/men. Some women don’t realize til much later that they never liked men that way. (Of course, some women who aren’t attracted to men engage in sexual activity with men because they genuinely want to for any reason and that is ok! No one says we have to be attracted to someone to engage in sexual activity with them. I’m referring to those who force it or are confused into it.)

Men send us “dick pics” without even knowing if we like men or male assigned sex organs, assuming we do or that if we don’t, they can “fix” us, straighten us out.

(This post isn’t about what some men do to women[and some women also do things to men that is wrong]; that’s just an example; this post is about a larger issue of what society does to people who are not heterosexual/straight/cis, particularly women since Marilyn is a woman and so am I)

It’s not unheard of for a homosexual or asexual woman to hear “I can turn you straight.” Cishet women are not invalidated this way. No one expects her to turn homo or ace the way they expect & or hope an ace woman or homosexual woman will turn straight. Heterosexuality is validated just by its existence and prevalence. Cishet girls and women don’t have to feel emotionally coerced into sexual activity and romantic relationships with other women and have their identities invalidated by society, friends, family, everyone. (Though, tragically, many, if not most, heterosexual women ARE emotionally [and even physically forced] coerced into sexual activity with men, often boyfriends/husbands/dates/romantic interests…and this is a serious problem that is also not ok and very destructive to the women it happens to – It’s just as bad as being assaulted by a stranger out on a street and it’s much more common and often “normalized,” which is absolutely wrong)

Society doesn’t give us the possibility of growing up liking girls or not liking anyone that way or just wanting to be single no matter who we are attracted to or not attracted to. When we’re perpetually single, we’re constantly nagged about why and having people incessantly trying to set us up on dates or for romantic relationships as if we aren’t worthy or whole on our own, as if we’re a pathetic existence to be pitied by everyone around us and society as a whole. We see/hear the jokes and ridicule towards people who aren’t “getting any,” are “still single,” and “need to get laid.”

Women often hear: “You need to get yourself a man/a good man.”

Any so called flaw we may display, we are met with “No wonder you’re still single,” as if single is inherently wrong or bad.

Homophobia is much less common now, thankfully! Society (at least U.S. society) is very accepting of homosexuality now; many are even appalled by homophobia. There are many cishet allies who speak out against homophobia. It is still around, for sure, but much less common.

But we still have a serious issue with heteronormativity or heterosexism, assuming that everyone is straight, straight by default, ignoring lgbt identities and couples….this is destructive to lgbt and asexual youth and adults.

How many of us have had a little friend who is a boy when we were little and have a teacher or neighbor say “aww you have a little boyfriend?” That may seem innocent enough but it’s not so innocent when we already know we aren’t into boys. How many women, no matter our orientation, have been close friends or casual acquaintances with a man, one hundred percent purely platonic and have people “suspicious” that we’re actually together or interested romantically/sexually in each other or people straight up tell us they “know” we’re “seeing” or screwing each other whether we say so or not? And flat out tell us we’re lying when we say he’s a friend. Or right away when we are with a man “Is that your boyfriend?” But when we’re with a girl, no one asks “Is that your girlfriend?”

Very invalidating to platonic friendships which are just as beautiful as romantic ones.

And very invalidating & destructive to women who aren’t even into men that way. There is a suffocating sense of exclusion, of being invisible for many of those who turn out not cishet or straight, adults and youth alike.

Women & girls are incessantly demanded in medical settings to get pregnancy tests without being questioned to see if it’s necessary and are not believed/are invalidated if we explain that it’s not. Cis Heterosexuality is inherently favored just to be “on the safe side.” Most women are cis heterosexual. There are also bisexual & pansexual women who are sexually attracted to men. And some homosexual & asexual women do engage in sexual activity with men for various reasons(which is completely ok if they freely choose it). So in medical settings it’s safest to force or demand a pregnancy test(& other tests that may not be very necessary for certain asexual women – the pap test and hpv or other sti test that is centered primarily around sexual contact – It’s like an obsession that ignores ace women who are & have always been & always will be celibate & have no gyn issues or symptoms of anything – trying to force an allo identity onto someone or some aspect of another identity that doesn’t apply). It’s invalidating and erases the identities of homosexual & asexual women (or any woman in a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship with another woman) who don’t engage in sexual activity with men, possibly never have, and have no intention to. If we tell them there is no way we can have an sti(in the case of a celibate asexual person) or be pregnant (in the case of an asexual or homosexual woman who does not engage in sexual activity with men), they sometimes have the nerve to tell us that there is no way we can be sure. As if there is no such thing as a virgin, a celibate person, or a lesbian, or other woman who hasn’t engaged in sexual activity with men recently or at all (bi or pan women in relationships with other women, for example).
It may be safest and necessary overall but that doesn’t take away the pain of being erased in favor of another identity. Just one of the challenges growing up as an identity that isn’t cishet. Some aspects are no one’s fault but that doesn’t erase the pain, the sense of exclusion, the loneliness sometimes accompanied by being different than the average person in a seemingly significant way.

Allosexuality/Heterosexuality is automatically forced upon us all. And for most people, this is not painful or invalidating or erasure. It’s not exclusion to them and not suffocating because they are heterosexual (or allosexual, which is anyone who is not asexual so this includes cishets and lgbt people – it means people who experience sexual attraction, which is almost everyone, 99 percent of people) and don’t give it a second thought.

It’s invalidating. And anxiety provoking. It “confirms” that we’re not “right.” It erases our identity and tries to force another one upon us. One that is unnatural to us, foreign, one that makes no sense.

And when we don’t fit this mold or “one size fits all,” we grow up confused, repressing, mortified, scared, maybe even suicidal.

Yes, heterosexism/heteronormativity can contribute to depression, anxiety, & suicidal tendencies in some of those who are not hetero/straight. It’s erasure, societal abuse, invalidation. And in the case of asexuality, it’s not exactly anyone’s fault as no one really knows asexual people exist. Asexual people do not even know asexual people exist and grow up utterly confused, mortified, many feeling broken. But I suspect even if most people did know, they would still ignore, exclude, and invalidate asexual people as they do homosexual people. Everyone knows homosexual women exist. Yet every woman gets asked “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?” Or gets sent a dick pic or is demanded to take a pregnancy test during medical checkups, or asked out by men without being asked if she even likes men that way. Or just gets any remarks made, questions asked that assumes she loves men or sex with men.

I think Marilyn was all of these things, anxious, depressed, suicidal…at different points.

But whatever her experience, it seems like Miss Marilyn was very misunderstood. I can strongly relate to her in some ways. One thing I love about Marilyn Monroe is how it seems like every one of us or so many can see some part of our own self in her, no matter our background or experiences. Some relate to her through experience with physical illness, some through psychiatric illness, some through shared experiences with sexuality, some through similar experiences with abuse or body image or self love…or any other thing. It’s like there’s something in her for all of us, something that speaks to us in a way that only the two of us can understand, something unique to us but completely understood by her, like she lovingly holds up a shattered mirror and there’s a jagged piece for each one of us, holding us in its knowing reflection.


If anyone reads this, thanks for reading!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! ๐Ÿ˜

Xoxo Kim ๐Ÿ’œ

Joy๐Ÿ’œ

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.” ๐Ÿ’—

A friendly reminder to live in the moment and find the joy in each one! ๐Ÿ’š

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

xoxo Kim

Aesthetic Attraction ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ’‹

Me! ๐Ÿ–ค

She’s A Bad Mama Jama (She’s Built, She’s Stacked) ๐Ÿ’š

“She’s poetry in motion
Beautiful sight to see
I get so excited
Viewing her anatomy” ๐Ÿ’œ

Fun fact about me: I have a very strong aesthetic attraction to women, always have. Only women, both trans and cis. In case anyone is not sure what trans & cis are: A trans woman(SHE/HER – unless she states otherwise) is a person who has a body that is considered to be the body of a male(has male sexual organs) and has the gender identity/mind of a female. When they are open about it/choose to act on/express their gender identity, they often transition to whichever degree they choose(clothing, hormones, surgery…all or any of these and maybe other things) and look just like cis women look. A cis woman(SHE/HER -unless she states otherwise) is what most women are, a person who has the body of a female(female sexual organs) and also the gender identity/mind of a female and often look the way trans women who transition look. Trans and cis women are equally women no matter what organs we have or don’t have. This goes without saying but some people need to be reminded.

And sometimes, I have the aesthetic attraction to non-binary people(these are people who have any sexual organs but do not necessarily have the gender identity of a male or a female – they may have aspects of both or be agender and not have female or male aspects or some[not all] can feel male sometimes and later female or later feel agender – it’s not a choice and is valid even if it were a choice…these are just a couple examples of non-binary; there may be more and often non-binary people identify as THEY/THEM but it’s important to ask if we do not know -if unsure, asking anyone “What are your pronouns?” is completely acceptable and appropriate even someone who looks like a traditional/typical woman or man. And it’s not offensive to trans people; it is appreciated and welcome and encouraged) with strong or slight physical feminine features.

But my attraction is to female beauty and this includes women who have masculine features but still look like women.

Not any specific size, weight, age, skin color, ethnicity, long hair, short hair, no hair…just women in all of the diversity. Some more than others. It’s not a shallow or objectification thing and not sexual or romantic. Purely aesthetic. Like looking at a beautiful sunset or landscape or a brilliant work of art but even more inspiring and joyful.

It’s not just asexual people(those who experience little to no sexual attraction – it’s a rare & valid sexual orientation) who experience aesthetic attraction; anyone of any sexual orientation can to anyone of any gender. I met a heterosexual/straight woman online, years ago, who, like me, also has a strong aesthetic attraction to women only. She is sexually and romantically attracted to men but she finds women more pleasing to look at and goes out of her way to look.

“An essence of beauty
Ooo, such lovely hair
She’s foxy, classy
Oh, sexy sassy
She’s heavenly
A treat for the eye to see” ๐Ÿ’œ

I did not always know that’s what it is but always have known I am intensely drawn to the physical/aesthetic beauty of women and that it is not sexual/romantic. Then I learned about aesthetic attraction, which often comes with sexual attraction but the two can be separated and one can be without the other. Aesthetic attraction is loving how someone or something looks. It can be to an individual person or thing or to the kind in general. In my case, it’s women in general but stronger for some than others.

Some women are so beautiful to me, it’s like a feeling of intoxication, like when I see beautiful flowers blooming all over in the Spring under a blue, blue sky, but even more so when I see a woman.

Sometimes it’s even enough to pull me right out of a low mood, even lifting layers of a depressive episode, even pulling me out of a suicidal state if I’m in one. Not always but it does happen.

I remember many years ago, on college campus, I was depressed and suicidal and walked to Starbucks and got into the line when in front of me, I noticed an incredibly beautiful woman with long hair; she turned around and her beauty took my breath away and also literally pulled me out of my suicidal state and lifted layers of my depression. I was still depressed but less and no longer suicidal.

Like I said, this does not always happen; I can see a woman just as beautiful and it doesn’t pull me out of it or I maybe could have seen the same woman a different depressed day and not have been pulled out of it. But something about the physical beauty of a woman has a profound effect on my brain and mood and the potential to lift me to extreme elevated states no matter what my mood is already.

Even looking at myself in a mirror! lol Another day, I was depressed and suicidal, one of the worst I have ever been, and happened to look up and see my reflection in a store window, my depression was not lifted but my suicidal state was and I was able to cope better with the severe depression. I wasn’t suicidal anymore. And it wasn’t just like I liked how I look and decided I want to live, it was whatever physical effect the female physique/form/beauty has on my brain. There is probably a scientific explanation or something about how pleasing visual things can affect our mood/mental state and since women are very, very aesthetically pleasing to me, seeing us, impacts my brain like that.

There have been other days I was depressed and suicidal and looked at myself in a mirror or in pictures and it lifted my depressed and/or suicidal state. But not alway; some occasions I have looked at myself and it doesn’t lift my mood. And it’s not a discriminate thing when I see myself and it lifts a depressed mood. It’s not because it’s me and I like how I look. It’s the fact that I’m looking at a woman who I see as physically beautiful. It could just as well be a stranger. It does happen when I look at strangers, both in person and in pictures.

And if I’m not depressed at all and very happy, looking at a woman still lifts me, and the impact can last for days. One day, I was already very happy (I usually am happy) and I saw a stunning young woman with very long, brown hair and a belly shirt, smiling, holding hands with a man; I hardly noticed him but her beauty lifted me in this amazing way like seeing the beautiful sun rising over the city skyline or seeing flowers blossoming everywhere in the beginning of Spring but even more powerful. This feeling lasted a week just seeing her that briefly. It doesn’t always last that long but sometimes does, long after the woman is out of view, even days later. Some other “things” can do this for me too, like flowers for example. But not to the same depth. I put “things” in quotations because women are not things; flowers are. The word “other” implies that women are things and I wasnt sure how else to put it. Buildings also. But nothing like a pretty girl.

Recently, there were people arguing, blowing things up, yelling, some military looking police I have never seen before recently, with large guns drawn in the middle of Philadelphia, felt like being in the middle of a warzone, like somethig right out of a history book or war movie, negative things in the media and just a general feeling of heaviness and hopelessness then I noticed a beautiful young woman with long, wavy orange hair walking up the street, in a white, flowery sundress, holding hands with a man, and she had the biggest, brightest smile and sparkling eyes. A light in all this darkness. Again, I did not notice him. Her beauty overshadowed everything else. All of a sudden, the heaviness and hopeless feeling in the air was gone and everything in the world was momentarily right. Her physical beauty along with the joy and happiness radiating, filled me with joy and inspiration. I can tell she is beautiful on the inside too, positive energy surrounding her.

Later, the heavy feeling returned and I had this almost unbearable migraine-like headache then I remembered her and smiled.

It reminds me to smile even more and keep my energy positive. We never know who is looking and being affected for better or worse!

Also, the aesthetic attraction is stronger when they have clothes on. lol I see pics people share of some women with no clothes on and don’t mind at all but I noticed I prefer them with clothes. I also prefer them in non-sexual situations/positions. I have nothing against the pics where they are expressing their sexuality in explicit ways but I love the ones where they aren’t, more. When I was a kid, I did used to sneak playboy magazines in my dad’s workplace that the men had in there, to see all the lovely girls in swimsuits and things, but they were clothed to some degree and standing alone. Before the internet became more advanced/popular, I used to spend hundreds of dollars on magazines just to see the pretty girls plastered all over the pages. I hardly even read them, just looked. The inspiration it would fill me with is indescribable. Not inspiration to do anything, just a general feeling of inspiration throughout my being.

Like walking through a museum of beautiful sculptures but more joyous.

I would also take hundreds of pictures of myself(still do! lol) just to look at them and feel that inspiration and intoxication and joy. Sometimes it brightens my day just to look at a picture of myself.

Now I follow thousands of fashion and makeup instagram accounts to look at all those beauties. My newsfeed is full of beautiful women.

Again, it’s not objectification. I know a woman is much more than just looks and also inner beauty is more important! But that doesn’t lessen my joy and inspiration, looking at us!

And the aesthetic attraction isn’t just to real women but can be something that looks like a woman. Like a mannequin. It gives me that same intoxicated/joyous/inspired feeling as a real woman if it’s beautiful and realistic enough. Some mannequins are just scary. lol One day, again, I was depressed(I’m not always depressed! lol I have episodes and waves here and there) and saw a mannequin that has the realistic body of a woman (I don’t think it even had a head) and was in a store window wearing pretty clothes and stilletos and it just lifted me. I was about on the verge of becoming suicidal and the mannequin stopped it right in its tracks. Thanks!

This is not the mannequin I saw but another sexy one! And this is not my photo; it’s a screencap. โค It’s the first “plus-sized” mannequin for this company, NIKE, I think.

Anyway, so there we have it! A fun (and creepy) fact about me!

Aesthetic attraction is not a choice but even if I could choose it, I would! I’m thankful I turned out to have this kind of attraction to women because women are such lovely creatures! And thankful to have the aesthetic attraction without the romantic and sexual attraction because that would probably be distracting and I like experiencing the pure, raw joy of the aesthetic pleasure without the distraction and dilution of the sexual/romantic. Also, aesthetic attraction has a “no strings attached” kind of way about it. I just want to look, not touch or be touched, or want anything in return or want a mutual feeling. I don’t even necesssarily want to be noticed back. I am fulfilled and content just seeing a beautiful woman walk by me on the street then never again. Just that can lift me for a week! Maybe more!

Not always but usually people who experience sexual and romantic attraction want it back in return and like want to touch and stuff. lol! No thanks; I’m good with just looking. What a blessing to have this gift. I don’t mind seeing men or people who do not have feminine physical features, of course! I am just not aesthetically attracted to them.

There are some men I find to be exceptionally good looking but still do not bring me the aesthetic pleasure anywhere near to the same extent a woman can. And it doesn’t happen very often. I have the aesthetic attraction to women in general everyday; for men, it’s seldom individual cases and to a much lesser degree.

Whenever I do find men to be aesthetically pleasing, they are usually African American or “big”/have extra weight. Not always though. For women, there is no skin color/ethnicity/size that usually stands out as most pleasing to me. It’s equal all the way around.

In that comedy movie “John Tucker Must Die,” (lol) the one boy is like girl crazy and likes a new girl at school and his brother told him that he doesn’t think she is his brother’s type and the brother responded something like “GIRL is my type.” lol

Sounds about right!

And I admit, I am not completely educated on the appropriate/respectful way to talk/write about things relating to trans people. I for sure know about using the appropriate pronouns!! But if I write/say something that comes off as disrespectful/inappropriate, it’s only because I am not yet educated. I’m working on it. I am 100% in support of ALL trans people!!

So please correct me if anything here or any post can be worded better. To not, respectfully, call us out on it does a disservice to us all. We are trying to have an all inclusive, understanding society, who celebrates and promotes diversity and is respectful of all, and it starts with educating each other and our own self.

Some people are just careless and some are actually trying to be total assholes but I am not!!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! And hope you are surrounded in beauty in any of its forms. โค

xoxo Kim ๐Ÿ’š

Election Day in Pa!! ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™

Mary Isaacson – I voted today to re-elect her for Pennsylvania State Representative. ๐Ÿ’™

This is a screencap.

Today is Election Day in U.S. Pa, so in honor, I’m sharing a couple of my Instagram posts!

Also, I saw some old things I wrote about Donald Trump in 2016. And I must say, I am EMBARRASSED!! I used to be very interested in politics, when I was young, and pay attention to things and read a lot about it but it gets confusing and there is so much hostility involved and not good sources and fake news and reports so I lost some interest and stopped paying as much attention.
I was not completely apathetic but more casual about it, not keeping up on things. Voting here and there but not as motivated or passionate usually, unless there was a candidate I especially liked.
So in 2016, I wrote that I wouldn’t vote for Donald Trump as president and don’t agree with his views but that I don’t think he’s a terrible person and believe he has good intentions!! I said this and truly believed it! I did not realize how clueless I was! All I knew about him is that he is against letting people come to the U.S. without all kinds of restrictions. I strongly support immigrants coming here whenever they want to, legally or not, and that is one of the reasons I knew not to vote for him but I thought he just wanted safety and order and wasn’t a racist like people accuse him of being. Not all people against illegal immigration are racists or cold people, though many are.

And I knew that he is pro- second-amendment and pro-life and not caring about the environment(another reason not to vote for him). I also heard he would be good for the economy and jobs and things and that he supports safety/anti-criminal things. Gathering all this together with some other things, I concluded that he’s not the best but not the worst. I knew he is not the most pleasant/friendly person but no clue the real deal til it was already later.

Not til after he became our president, did I see what the Liberals/Democrats and even some non-libs/dems were saying all along! If I knew then what I know now, I would have voted for his direct opponent(who I have nothing against) instead of the Green people. ๐Ÿ’š I don’t think my one vote would have got him to lose but if that is the case, sorry is an understatement. There are people on Facebook now saying anyone who did not vote at all or voted for third party people were (unintentionally) helping him win. Someone sarcastically wrote “Trump appreciates your support” lol! I’m sure he does!

I was happy to see I was not alone in being clueless; a few people wrote that they did not vote or voted for green because they did not realize the monstrosity back then. There are people who knew even back then(but I can’t imagine they knew to this extent) so that does not excuse us but at least we know now.

Anyway, I’m not making that mistake again! The Green people have appealing views but not enough people are going to vote for them, for them to win. I usually agree with the Green๐Ÿ’š & Blue๐Ÿ’™; sometimes the Green resonates more.

People on Facebook are acting like our vote for the Green in 2016 is unforgivable and like we should be hung. Some have almost as much resentment for us as they do for those who actually voted for the man. I disagree with that sanctimonious/moralist attitude. While actions are important, it’s also important who we are/our energy/intentions. Just because we support the candidates who cannot win doesn’t mean our energy/values are aligned with someone who is callous and does win, especilally when we did not even know!

Anyway, yeah I’m embarrassed about the good/semi-good things I said/wrote about Donald and (unintentionally) helping him win when I wasn’t paying enough attention. It was never because I share his views/agree with what he does. I was just clueless. It won’t happen again! I don’t want him to get sick or die like so many people are saying they want for him and I don’t believe all his supporters are bad and I believe he has Buddha nature and can choose to be a better person. Will he though? Who knows?? But he’s totally not getting my vote or anything close.

A while ago, I decided to start paying attention better again because it’s important to know what is going on and see how we can change for the better. Not just for our own self but for those less privileged.

But I’m not judgemental of people who are apolitical or don’t vote/get into it. Or those who vote for third parties

It’s difficult to keep up and get the real facts because of all the fake news and animosity. People are quicker to “block” and “unfriend” and go off on abusive rants/verbal attacks than educate and try to persuade. But I’m doing my best!

And I voted for Bernie today, another cause for little tirades on facebook. Whatever a Bernbot is, I am one. ๐Ÿคฃ

Instapost:

“If elected, Nina would represent the first woman of color to serve as a state-wide executive in the Commonwealthโ€™s 233-year history. Dr. Ahmad would also become the only current woman and person of color in Pennsylvaniaโ€™s executive offices.”๐Ÿ’™
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“Nina is a strong advocate for women and communities of color. As a catalyst for change, she served for nearly half a decade as President of the Philadelphia chapter National Organization for Women (NOW), and she is honored to serve as a national board member to this day.”๐Ÿ’™
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“Sheโ€™s fostered initiatives including launching the cityโ€™s Commission for Women, fighting for pay equity, and working to end workplace harassment. Nina gathered support for reform and opportunity through the cityโ€™s Youth Commission, the Office of Black Male Engagement, and the office of LGBT affairs.”๐Ÿ’™
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“Nikil Saval is a father, writer and community organizer, who was the first Asian American to be elected Democratic ward leader in Philadelphia.”๐Ÿ’™
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“In 2013, he won back jobs for 1,000 cafeteria workers and noontime aides who had been laid off because of Corbettโ€™s budget cuts to the Philadelphia School District. In 2016 he was a leader in the Bernie Sanders campaign and he co-founded Reclaim Philadelphia. In 2018, he organized campaigns to fight for change in the Democratic Party and became elected as ward leader of the Second Ward. Nikil is committed to justice for working people, whether white, black or brown. He will fight for a Philadelphia and Pennsylvania that works for the many and not the few.”๐Ÿ’™

https://www.ninaforpa.com/

Instapost:

All for one; one for all. ๐Ÿ’™
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“Nikil Saval is a father, writer and community organizer, who was the first Asian American to be elected Democratic ward leader in Philadelphia.”๐Ÿ’™
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“In 2013, he won back jobs for 1,000 cafeteria workers and noontime aides who had been laid off because of Corbettโ€™s budget cuts to the Philadelphia School District. In 2016 he was a leader in the Bernie Sanders campaign and he co-founded Reclaim Philadelphia. In 2018, he organized campaigns to fight for change in the Democratic Party and became elected as ward leader of the Second Ward. Nikil is committed to justice for working people, whether white, black or brown. He will fight for a Philadelphia and Pennsylvania that works for the many and not the few.”๐Ÿ’™
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https://nikilsaval.com/

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Insta post:

Let’s all be sure to vote for Mary Isaacson for Pennsylvania State Representative on Tuesday June 2, 2020!! ๐Ÿ’™
Before I knew much about her, I was going to vote for her anyway just because she’s so pretty then was very pleased to see we share most of the same views! lol Jk She is beautiful but physical beauty isn’t a very good reason to vote for someone for political purposes. (Though it is tempting ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚) Now if this were a beauty contest, for sure! Anyway she is an advocate for the environment, clean water, lgbtq+ equality, she speaks against racism, domestic violence, animal cruelty; she is for women’s rights/health/safety, helping people with low incomes…she is a strong, independent woman who takes action to help others and help make the city/state/country/world a better place! What’s not to love?! Won my heart & my vote! ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ˜

https://www.pahouse.com/Isaacson/

Today, I met Mary Isaacson in person!! I knew she lives somewhat close to where I live, though I’m not sure exactly where. I was thinking I would love to meet her one day; she seems very warm and friendly. I sensed her energy even before I met her. And in person, she is just as warm and friendly and welcoming. I only talked to her briefly coming out of the voting place. I wasn’t sure if she would want me coming too close so I just said hello at first and we asked how each other is, then I turned back and told her good luck and let her know I voted for her. I was too shy to say more anyway but it felt like I knew her forever just in that brief encounter. You know how occasionally you just meet someone and it’s exactly like you already know the person? It was like that. But not just because I follow her accounts on social media and am familiar with her like that. Her energy just resonates with my own. She definitely has good energy. So thankful I finally got to meet her!! โค How lucky I am. ๐Ÿ’š

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! โคโคโค

Much love,

xoxo Kim