Tag Archive | love

Roll with it, Baby!โค

“When life is too much, roll with it, baby

Don’t stop and lose your touch, oh no, baby

Hard times knocking on your door

I’ll tell them you ain’t there no more

Get on through it, roll with it, baby

Luck’ll come and then slip away

You’ve gotta move, bring it back to stay

You just roll with it, baby”

Roll with it – Steve Winwood

“A monk asked ‘What does it mean to go where there’s no cold or heat?’
Tung-shan said, ‘In the cold, cold freezes you; in the heat, heat burns you up.'” ๐Ÿ’›
๐Ÿ’™
๐Ÿ’š
๐Ÿ’œ
๐Ÿ’—
Roll with it, Baby! โค๐Ÿ•‰๏ธ #acceptance #justbe #koan #buddha #love #wisdom #inspiration #breathe #oneness #zen #loverofreality #justbreathe #gowiththeflow #rollwithit #keephurdling #itsallgood #itiswhatitis #shithappens #suckitup #detachment #renunciation #wwbd #whatwouldbuddhado #letitgo #keepgoing #yougotthis #livewithitandloveit #deepwisdom

This is a post of mine on Instagram I shared somewhat recently. I copied the tags and pasted them here because they add to the wisdom of the koan I shared with the picture.

I shared this on Instagram because the wisdom is so inspiring but never realized that not long later, my own post would sooth & inspire me more than ever.

Last night, I was listening to music on my super old phone. It’s a blackberry phone that is broken mostly but some parts, including music & memos, still work. I use it frequently and have years of poetic/philosophical/creative/deep….writings & things on it. Most of these writings are my own and some are the writings of others that I find fascinating & inspiring. I don’t remember who all the writers are or where to find the writings again. I just have it all saved onto my old phone.

While listening to the music, I accidentally hit my phone against a bar on my bed and the phone shut down and won’t come back on. So years of brilliance gone! Lol I have experienced things like this before, losing stuff I have written and can never get back but this is the worst one yet. I even have a few philosophical essays/writings I wrote in college that I saved off the university account (which I know longer have) onto that phone and have been so thankful to still have. Hundreds upon hundreds, probably thousands of files gone. Some I kept just for me to read but most I eventually planned to share, things I poured my “heart & soul” into and now wish I would have just shared it all already.

I was laying in bed thinking how this kills me & looking at my own Instagram account when I came across this post I recently shared. For a few seconds, especially while reading the tags I put on it, I felt soothed and inspired.

My “grief” comes in waves just like any other form of grief. This grief though is nowhere near the magnitude of grief experienced after the loss of a human or animal/nonhuman friend or family member/…… It’s beyond disappointing but I wouldn’t say I’m shattered or even devastated. Though I feel as if some sort of devastation may hit later.

I keep remembering specific things I lost like certain writings, e-books, and website links I don’t remember but looked at a lot. I just remember the content, not the names or links. More & more keep coming to me and automatically, I try to repress it so as not to remember more of what I lost. I feel that it’s like losing a big part of myself. It was like an electronic journal of sorts. So many of my experiences & reflections…gone.

When this happened before but not as much or good stuff lost, I fell into a depression for a while. Usually, things that happen in my environment don’t trigger a depressive episode/symptoms but sometimes they can. This morning I very briefly wondered if this would provoke some sort of depression in me.

This experience reminds me how much more evolved I am than some years ago. Years ago, I would have found this incident almost unbearable. I was way more attached. But now, though it’s way more than just a minor annoyance or disappointment, it’s not a catastrophe! And this experience also shows me how much more I still have to evolve. It’s not the end of the world but it’s still bad enough to me that I woke up with anxiety and still have anxiety off & on. I’m very disturbed and keep wishing it would come back on and bring all my stuff back to me.

So it’s a good thing to have this experience to inspire me to work even more to get better & better. Also, it’s a reminder of my lighthearted, easily amused nature! I have always been very easily amused and playful and even when severely depressed or grieving, I am able to sense my cheerful nature underneath it all.

Last night I searched Google in a desperate attempt to find any little bit of hope that my phone would somehow come back on. I couldn’t find any hope on the net but saw someone wrote “My blackberry z10 croaked today” and I burst out laughing. It gave me a belly laugh and when I was telling my mom, I could hardly talk!

Unpleasant things can bring out much pleasantness if we are open to it!โค

So this koan here that I shared on Insta. Shows us how if we just roll with it and go with the flow, just let the self dissolve into the situation, no matter how unpleasant or painful, we will become one with it til it’s no more. Just let it be. Tolerate it. Then accept it. Then welcome it. Then embrace it. It is what it is and it cannot be different. The tags that helped me the most when I saw my post are #shithappens & #suckitup. Just reading those, I found it so uplifting. It’s just so true. A little bit of “tough love” to lift the spirit!๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜Š

If you are experiencing anything unpleasant (and also pleasant things!), no matter how serious or trivial, just remember to roll with it, baby! You got this!!

(Lol photo not mine!)

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

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Jealous bitches be like…โ˜น๐Ÿ˜พ๐Ÿ‘Ž

Lol! Jk Please don’t mind the offensive title. This is a post on jealousy I had planned since like October, originally titled On Jealousy til one morning when I was about to get a shower and this new title popped into my head & I burst out laughing. Hopefully no one reads the title and thinks it’s a dramatic rant about jealous people doing me wrong and just disregards it because Geshe-la has some serious wisdom to open us up to or remind us and I wouldn’t want my jestful title to turn people away! lol ๐Ÿ˜‰ You won’t find any rants in this here post! ๐Ÿ˜€

Here are some wise words on jealousy, by Geshe-la.

“Anger is often related to jealousy and so we need to try to overcome both these delusions. When a rival is successful or praised, it is very easy to feel jealous, but why should someone else’s happiness make us unhappy? If we step out of our egocentric view for a moment and put ourself in the other person’s place, instead of feeling the pain of jealousy we can rejoice and share in his or her happiness.

When a jealous person sees signs of other people’s success and good fortune, his heart is pierced with envy. But someone who has learned to rejoice in the good fortune of others experiences only happiness. Seeing another person’s beautiful house or attractive partner immediately makes him happy-the fact that they are not his own is irrelevant. When he sees a colleague praised or promoted, or when he meets someone who is more intelligent, good-looking, or successful than he is, instead of immediately being reminded of his own inadequacies he simply shares in the other person’s happiness.

Rejoicing in other people’s happiness or good qualities is one of the purest of all virtuous minds, because it is unstained by self-cherishing. When we practice giving, for example, it is possible that we might hope for something in return-for gratitude, to be liked, or to be thought of as a generous person-but when we rejoice in another’s good fortune we expect nothing in return.”

&

“Jealousy is one of the most senseless and purposeless of all delusions. Nothing can be gained from being jealous of another’s good fortune, good job, reputation, or success. Suppose someone gives a rival some money. The jealousy and unhappiness we feel about this will do nothing to change the situation. Whether our rival is given money or not, there is no way we are going to receive that money ourself. So why should we be jealous? Furthermore, developing jealousy on the one hand, while wishing to obtain wealth and possessions on the other, are contradictory states of mind. Why? The root cause of receiving wealth, possessions, and any other pleasurable things is our own accumulation of virtue, which is created by giving, rejoicing, appreciating and respecting others, and so forth. However, when due to our self-centered view of the world strong jealousy arises in our mind, the potentialities of these virtuous actions are damaged and so our chances of experiencing good fortune in the future are diminished or destroyed. Therefore, if we really wish to obtain good fortune, wealth, and so forth in the future, we should guard our mind well, and instead of allowing jealousy to arise in response to others’ happiness, we should rejoice.

There is also no reason to be happy when our enemy meets with suffering, because how do such negative thoughts either hurt our enemy or benefit us? Even if we thought ‘It would be great if my rival were to suffer,’ this would never harm him or her. And even if he were harmed, how would that ever bring us happiness?

‘But if my enemy suffers, I will be satisfied’ Thoughts like this never bring us any happiness. On the contrary, nothing harms us more than indulging in such petty and vengeful thoughts, which do nothing but drag us down into the lower realms.”

I think comparing ourselves to others and making our own self out to be lower or somehow less, is a form of jealousy or something of that sort even if it doesn’t manifest as feeling like jealousy. Have you ever compared yourself to another? And then felt low about your own self? I think most of us probably have and so can relate to this. The person or people we compare ourselves to may be an enemy, a stranger, a supermodel on a magazine cover, imaginary people(like just the way we think people in general are), even close family members or friends. We may or may not feel resentment for those people and may or may not feel consciously jealous. But we are unhappy for our own self when we make comparisons and feel that someone else is somehow better or has something better.

This message conveyed by Geshe-la can apply to anyone who has thoughts that someone else is better, looks better, is more successful, more intelligent, happier, does more fun things, goes on more vacations or better vacations, or more productive things….and feels unhappy about it.

One way to counter this is to try to identify with those people we feel jealous of or lower than. Instead of envying them, resenting them, or feeling low about our own self, remember how it feels to be happy or successful, tap into that empathy, & be happy for those people. Almost all of us have probably been happy at one point or another even if briefly, all of us have accomplished something, even something seemingly small or not important, we know what it’s like to have good and bad things happen to us so let’s connect with those we envy, reach out in our basic humanness and be happy for them when they are in a good place in this life.

Practicing this more and more will help heal a jealous mind. Even if we aren’t generally prone to jealousy, most of us have probably experienced it at least once or at least experienced comparing ourselves to someone else and coming up short. And actually, I think many if not most, have this unpleasant experience more than once, probably off and on.

“S/he’s prettier than me, thinner than I am, more toned/muscular, more experience with something, has a better job, a more advanced education, an amazing relationship I don’t have, a bigger, more beautiful and expensive house or car, more friends, a family….”

I love how G.K Gyatso, states:

“…the fact that they are not his own is irrelevant.”

Imagine feeling so connected to others, even complete strangers, that we are just as happy for them as we would be for our own self if we had the good fortune they have. The fact that it is not our own is completely irrelevant; we are just as happy as if it were. How beautiful!

Another way to counter jealousy or heal a jealous mind, whether it’s a frequent jealous mind or just once in a while or even just once, is to focus on the goodness we, ourself, have right now. Any little thing that is good in our world, health, a place to live, a delicious cup of coffee, our senses, ability to walk, to move, friends, family, life itself…dwell on that without repressing any unpleasant emotions. Nothing wrong with admitting, even if just to our own self, that we wish something was different but we can still focus on what is good in this moment.

And one more thing, remember jealousy is absolutely pointless. Where does it get any of us? All it does is put unpleasant energy out into the uni-verse, interfere with our happiness, & possibly friendships & other relationships. Jealousy is a lousy attitude to be stuck in and even has the word “lousy” in it. For good reason! And a positive, loving mindset is more constructive and likely to contribute to our own good fortune than a jealous and/or vengeful mindset anyway. So anyone who doesn’t care about others will still benefit by being kind and rejoicing in the goodness of others.

This isn’t to negatively judge those who are jealous or those who wish bad things on others out of jealousy or do things just to look good and not out of true kindness; it’s merely to suggest that it’s better for our own self & those we encounter if we avoid jealousy and act with pure, genuine intentions, rejoicing in the good fortune of others.

And….in case you’re in the mood for a chuckle….

Not sure what this has to do with jealousy but here it is! (Unless you’re jealous of this face! I sure am! ๐Ÿ™ƒ)

๐Ÿ’–

Much love & light to you, always

Xoxo Kim

My current gratitude listโค

(Scout! Just after midnight this morning๐Ÿ˜ป)

1.) Im thankful for my job & that i got to spend the whole night last night, into the morning with a sweet, adorable, funny, beautiful girl named Scout!
2.) Im thankful i stayed in a place last night where the walls are paper thin n i got to hear a big, loud party going on next door with lots of joyous laughter, yelling, singing, stuff being banged around….& a bunch of drunk people singing “Sweet Home Alabama” and yelling other drunken things. So funny! I kept falling asleep and waking up to it all night long into the morning. I dont mind people being loud all night and actually like it. It brought me joy all night/morning to hear the joy of others! I couldn’t see it but have a very vivid imagination & all the noise I heard conjured up all these funny images in my head making me laugh out loud! Scout wasn’t as thrilled and was barking at them through the walls! Lol
3.) Thankful my pain disorder hasn’t been acting up. It’s generally not bad at all but tends to flare up now & again to seemingly unbearably levels. Last year in February, I suffered four of the most devastating, difficult days I ever experienced and the worst cluster of this life of mine. Almost a year later and i haven’t felt it that bad since then!
4.) Thankful Scout slept all cuddled with me last night
5.) Thankful for hot caramel lattes!
6.) For life itself
7.) My ability to turn my neck, walk move, my senses…
8.) Winter – My favorite season!
9.) Buddha’s teachings
10.) All of the people & animals I get to know & meet for my work

Im going to post this on Instagram later too with a pic of me! I have to wait til my hair dries and try to get a good picture lol I haven’t taken a picture of myself in so long it seems!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are and thinking of all the things you have to give thanks for!โค

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Always be my babyโค

“You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling ’cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling ’cause you’ll always be my baby”โค

Always Be My Baby – Mariah Carrey

Recently, I experienced one of the most heartbreaking aspects of my job. The most difficult part of the job is losing the animals I take care of, either to death or them moving away. Them dying is more painful. If they move away, they are still happy & healthy, & alive!๐Ÿ˜Š But it’s still so incredibly painful when it happens.

And recently this happened. One of my babies moved away to another state. I’m devastated. ๐Ÿ’” I had no idea that was going to happen. Just last week, we stood together, hugging, and I thought about how I can stay like this forever. Just holding a big dog in my arms. The best feeling in the world!๐Ÿ’™

He is a big, big boy! He stands up on his back legs and hugs and kisses. He is a big teddy bear who loves everyone. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to not get to see him anymore. But that’s just the way it is. We live, love, & lose. My grief seems overwhelming at some points but I know it’s not a bad thing at all. It’s just what happens when we love & lose. It happens to me again & again & again throughout the years because I have had so many pets of my own and now take care of animals for my job. There’s so much grief and loss but only because there’s so, so much love!โค

I always endure the grief, survive it, & move forward. Each loss is new and different and there’s not really any getting used to it completely. But since it happens over & over, it’s not completely new and I know what’s coming and how I have endured it before and will again, for sure. It’s probably easier for me than for someone who isn’t as accustomed to it.

Last night while laying in bed, I felt that old, familiar throbbing throughout my whole existence, but for someone new. That same urgent throbbing like having a severely abscessed tooth, but much worse. The same “How can this be?” The same wringing of the hands.

And I just let it throb, just let it be, embracing it and knowing it just is what it is.

I thought about how Mac will always be my baby no matter what. Distance & time doesn’t matter. Our lives crossed and touched and nothing can change that. I love him & he loves me and being separated can’t take that away.

I remembered this song sung by Mariah Carrey, which I always loved! Last night though, I really listened to the lyrics and let them sink in. I realized how it’s a song about true, non attached love. She is singing about how she will let him go, let him fly, if that’s what he wants. But she will always love him. That is true love! Letting someone go if we must, for whatever reason, but still loving the person. I found it soothing & healing. And now have been listening to it over and over!๐Ÿ˜†

Loving doesn’t mean we have to see someone or be in contact. We can love/wish others the best, hope they are happy, healthy, & living wherever in the world they are. And if they are dead we can still be thankful our lives crossed.

I’m so thankful that Mac is a happy boy, healthy, and alive, and so loved by his family! (And me!โค) That’s all that matters! And he’ll always be my baby! (Even though he’s actually not mine…I have to remind myself every now & again that no matter how much I love them, they are not my own!๐Ÿ˜†)

Hugs & love,

Xoxo Kim โค

My beautiful snow angelโ„โ›„โ›‡โ˜ƒ๐Ÿ’œ

My lil baby, Anishy!!โค She looovveess snow & cold weather(like me!โ˜ƒ)! I take care of Anish most days when her mommies are at work & sometimes we even get to have sleepovers when they’re away overnight. Anish loves me & I love Anish like my own. She’s one of my very best friends and one of my furry soulmates. One of my greatest loves.โค๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’Ÿ

She is extremely loving (but only loves certain people; she’s not a universal lover) and very playful & youthful like a lil puppy! We have so much fun together! She’s the sweetest little girl and so funny! She is a border collie mix and super intelligent. She is a very passionate girl with very strong emotions and is very opinionated.

This is her today in our mini snowstorm and loving every second of it! I hope she brightens your day like she brightens ours everyday! โค

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Snow Day!!!โ„โ˜ƒโ›‡โ›„โ˜•

“Kindness is like snow; it beautifies everything it covers.”

Recently we had a snow day here in Philadelphia! Then today we had a snowy morning! This is one of my babies playing in the snow! I just love him! He looovveess snow! He loves holidays and loud noises, talking decorations, and people & doggies! He’s a big teddy bear named Zero!โค

One of the most joyous things to witness in this life is a dog or a human child experiencing pure, raw joy, like right here! He is thrilled!

Here are some of my other snowday pics!โ›„โ›‡โ˜ƒโ„โญ๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐ŸŽ€๐ŸŒฒ๐Ÿญ๐ŸŽ‘๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ’Ÿ

Snow angelโค

This is a kind of coffee called holiday blend. It sounds very good and has molasses and cinnamon and sounds/looks better than it tasted! โ˜•

This is a pic I took for my mom because she loves angels.๐Ÿ‘ผโค๐Ÿ˜‡

This is a sweet ass car right here! The first thing I thought as soon as I first saw it is, goodness that CAR!

The thing must have cost a pretty penny and the vibrant red color is stunning. I’m not interested in cars and don’t even drive but I want this! Just because it’s totally impressive to have. ๐Ÿ˜‚ There’s a little bit of shallow in me, oh well!๐Ÿ˜

I hope you are having a lovely day or night wherever in the world you are!

Much love & light,

xoxo Kim โค

Welcome to rock bottom -the only way now is UP

“Face to face, out in the heat

Hanging tough, staying hungry

They stack the odds still we take to the street

For the kill with the skill to survive”๐Ÿฏ

Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

Here is a post I wrote a couple days ago and just edited it a bit.

“Welcome to Rock Bottom

One day, after another routinely dreadful morning, I sat in my car looking at our office and thinking, ‘I DO NOT want to go in there. I hate my job. I canโ€™t stand Frank. I donโ€™t make enough money. I am so underutilized! Should I leave the company? Would I even be missed? Whatโ€™s the point of all this anyway? Is this really my life? This canโ€™t be my life.’ And there it was. I had finally reached itโ€”I was at rock bottom. As I mentioned, I believe rock bottom is the moment when you finally find the power and the strength youโ€™ve always been lacking to change your today and go on to create a better tomorrow. I knew I couldnโ€™t get any lower, and at that moment, I realized that all of the training, coaching, reading, and inspiring Iโ€™d engaged in just a few years earlier had not disappeared completely. I started to sense something deep within. There was still a tiny spark of hope that things could get better. That internal spark was like a smothered flame that just needed a little air, and as soon as I realized the spark was there, it was as if someone poured kerosene on it. I started to think: ‘If my circumstances wonโ€™t change, maybe I can change the way I look at my circumstances, and maybe as a result, they actually WILL change.'”

These are wise words by Kevin Clayson, author of Flip the Gratitude Switch. I have experienced “rock bottom” before, just like he mentions here, where it’s like I just can’t get any lower, so desperate, plummeting to the lowest depths of my despair, until I can’t possibly sink any lower. Pulled deeper and deeper and deeper into some dark, seemingly endless abyss when finally I realize there is an end. And I have reached it.

What do we do when our world is crumbling on top of us, when everything shatters, when it’s hard to stand, so difficult just to live & breathe, and we are pulled so low we can’t go any lower?

We rise.

Usually when I have experienced this “rock bottom,” it’s with depression and sometimes when my chronic physical pain disorder is flaring up to what seems like unbearable levels and my body is wracked in physical agony beyond belief. The only way I can get lower when I’m like this, is to be put in the ground. I haven’t experienced these things in a long while. My physical pain disorder has been doing so well. I have been experiencing mild to no pain each & every day. Thanking my lucky stars! And I can’t even remember when I was last depressed! I’m so happy!

But it’s true, this morning I realized I have hit “rock bottom.” A different kind of rock bottom. Not depression of any kind or physical pain. But still I have found my self in a very low place in this life. Two months ago, I think it was, October, I wasn’t depressed or in physical pain but was in Hell everyday for a couple weeks. It ended for a while and now is back!๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ˜ฑ

This Hell I speak of is fear. Terror. Not just a bit of anxiety. Fullblown fear. It’s not fear in general but about a specific thing. As I mentioned here, in a post titled Serendipitous Strength, I used to be deathly afraid of being closed in small places that I can’t just get out of the second I want to, especially elevators and especially when I’m alone. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Why is a mystery. As a child, I had breakdowns going on elevators even with my mom & dad.

I healed myself. It is an incredible accomplishment and awe-inspiring. The fact that I had a relapse doesn’t matter. It doesnt change how incredible it is. I healed this fear once and can and will heal it again.

I never worked on this fear specifically but during my personal development journey, my quest to find healing, working on myself to help heal my depression and cope with tmjd โ€œcluster headachesโ€ without realizing it, I was conquering my fear of being closed in. With my personal development plan I teach myself and train my brain to know I can handle and conquer anything. To know I will always be free no matter what position Iโ€™m in in this life. To know life is a gift no matter what. To see positivity and opportunity in any situation no matter how dreadful. I trained my brain with meditation and quotes and music and songs and writing to stay calm and composed for the most part, in any situation no matter what, no matter how painful physically or emotionally. (Out of my post Serendipitous Strength)

The #1 one thing that helps me with my fear is my Buddhist studies, not even just meditation but the writings I read even when I don’t put them into practice as intended. Just the reads are so powerful. All of these other things, quotes, songs, basic mindfulness…, helped me to a great extent, with depression & chronic pain and when I found Kadampa Buddhism, I found deeper healing and healing for this fear.

Somewhat recently, I suffered a relapse and my old fear returned to me with a vengeance. The second the elevator doors close and I’m on there alone, my first thought is “I’m screwed” and a sense of panic arises.

For work, I sometimes have to get on elevators. For about ten months I had to seven days a week, mostly by myself. Thankfully my fear was healed. But in a fraction of a second, while on an elevator, by myself, I suffered a relapse. I made the mistake of watching the numbers go up and waiting for the doors to open and you know when we watch & wait, a second feels like forever. I felt the doors took a second longer than usual to open and that’s all it took to bring that breath-taking fear crashing back into me. Flooded with terror, when the door finally opened, I stumbled into the hallway, trembling inside & out, legs like jelly, dizzy, panicked.

And my fear has been with me since then. I no longer have to be on an elevator every single day anymore and that may be part of the problem. I’m no longer accustomed to it and no longer have that chance to practice being calm on an elevator everyday. Now with those two things, the relapse & being out of touch with elevators, I nearly fall to pieces when I have to get on one by myself. I’m not scared anymore if I’m on an elevator with a dog or a human.

What if the elevator malfunctions while I’m on there myself and I’m trapped inside a box for who knows how long? My worst nightmare. I know I can handle it. My conviction is strong. But I don’t always feel that I can handle it. My conviction never falters. I know anyone can handle anything if we train our brain and adjust our attitude. But sometimes I focus too much on the feeling of not being able to handle it. And i fear if i get trapped, I will become a blubbering wreck and never recover. Two or more weeks away and when I think of it, my head is in turmoil.

(Photo not mine)

I am not someone who curses a lot out loud, in writing, or in my head. It’s not that I think it’s wrong. I love when people curse a lot. Lol It’s just not me. But early, this morning I was walking up a street thinking about how in a few weeks I will be required to get onto an elevator(the doors for staircases in some buildings open to get outside but are locked on the outside to get upstairs so elevators are generally required), most likely alone, and everyday for at least a week, and how I’m going to be living & breathing fear, I’m going to be a total wreck in my head, just like two months ago, and I just thought Fuck this shit. Seriously, fuck it. I am done. Not done with life or with work. I am done being conquered by this fear. So done. And I realized I have hit rock bottom two months ago and am still here now. And I remembered Mr. Clayson’s story about how rock bottom is our opportunity to rise above. I will rise above this fear. I will conquer it.

How? I’m not quite sure but I know I will. I will discipline my brain. And I have a few things in mind. More intensive Dharma practice & gratitude practice, The Work, rhythmic breathing, desensitization…

There is no place for this fear. I don’t want it and I won’t have it. I don’t have to accept it because it can be changed. Two months ago I found it difficult to focus on anything other than this fear. I spilled coffee all over because my hands were trembling, My legs were shaky and I was lightheaded. After getting off an elevator, it took me so long to recover, those mornings & nights. Outside I probably looked a bit shaken up but inside, I was wrecked. (I did face my fear and kept getting on elevators though, {BY MYSELF, ALONE!!!, ME!!! On an elevator ALONE!!! Whhhaaattt?! Holy guacamole!} which is a display of great strength & courage. I did what I had to do while not repressing my fear) I felt that I couldnโ€™t even stand up straight each day.

This is unacceptable and I will change it. Whatever it takes. I will not avoid elevators and will not put up with this terror. And there’s no place for it in my world. It’s not welcome here and I do not have to accept it.

I healed my fear mostly with Buddhist philosophy. And I will again. This is the main thing that brought me so much deep healing and I know without a doubt, it will again. I just have to concentrate.

Recently, I received a Dorje Shugden Empowerment and I am totally counting on it (& my previous Empowerments) helping me cope with & heal this fear.

Om vajra wiki witrana sรถha.

OM AH RA PA TSA NA DHI

Just like Mr. Clayson shares in the excerpt above, it can feel like all our previous strength, wisdom, personal development is down the drain, but it’s not. Somewhere deep inside, there is strength, wisdom, courage even if it seems to be long gone or seems like we never had any to begin with.

What I am promoting here is not necessarily any specific techniques like gratitude, meditation, conscious breathing or philosophy like Buddhist philosophy, though I do generally promote those. Here, I am just suggesting that we rise above our fear, pain, struggles…and keep going. Keep moving up. Pro-act. Let’s not sink to the bottom and stay there. Do something. Whatever it takes. Whether it’s professional help, meditation, personal development books, exercise, gratitude practice…find something, do something, and just keep going.

(Photo not mine)

It can be done. I did this before and if you are reading this now, so can you. I was able to make the choice to face a fear so powerful that I feel it can drive me insane, like I will lose all sense of language and awareness…, face it & conquer it and completely overcome it. Whatever your issue is, grief, fear, depression, addiction of any sort or something that may seem less serious…you can face it and overcome it. It’s not the problem itself that is actually the problem; it’s how we attach to it, perceive it, view it, react to it…and we have a choice to change that.

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.”

We can & we will.

I am here cheering you on right along with cheering myself on. I have a lot of work to do and it’s every bit worth it. Keep going.

“When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on!!”

Much love & light & strength to you,

Xoxo Kimโค

P.s Elevators are the worst invention in the history of ever!!! I have a few choice words for the inventor! Blahhh!!!