“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the earth revolves-slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Tag Archive | present
Starry, Starry Night
“Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frame-less heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget.” ~ Don McLean ❤
Recently there was this one night the sky seemed to be filled with more stars than usual. I have a camera that reaches the stars(my phone camera almost never can capture them) but my camera is lost and kind of broken(my dad broke it by cracking it against a table or something and it fell apart, sort of). I always hoped for a camera that can beautifully capture the night sky then last year I got one, not the best, probably, but an ok one. It’s in my house somewhere but I have no clue where. And it’s a small house! Lol I don’t yet have a way to get my pics online off the camera because the camera needs wifi or to put the pictures on a computer first. And my computer isn’t set up because it needs wifi to be set up.
So I carelessly tossed it aside.
I should be getting wifi soon, now I regret it.
I was in awe over the beauty of the starlit night! I kept trying to take pics with my phone and it kept only capturing one star, the brightest one.
Then in one picture, it got two stars.
I was thankful. Sometimes it can’t even capture one. But I wanted the whole sky full of stars to show up.
It was amazing! They were literally twinkling!
I kept imagining what that would look like in a picture and how I would love to have and share a picture like that!
I kept thinking “if only I was more careful with my camera!!”
And
“I really hope when I get a good camera or find mine, the sky looks like this again! “
It was a worse feeling than not having a camera at all because it was like a feeling of “being so close…” I have it and could have captured the stars but it’s lost because I was careless.
Like when playing a crane machine and it completely misses the desired object and it’s like “oh well.” but when it picks up the thing you want and then drops it before it makes it to the slot it’s like “omg! So close!! If only it would have held on a second later…!!” lol
I couldn’t shake the feeling. “If only….” and “I hope…” But it was the kind of restraining hope that holds me back, not an exhilarating kind.
And it’s not every night there’s that many stars! And big bright ones! All twinkling!
I really felt so strongly that I was missing out.
I went back out into the backyard to look up at the starry starry night and it took my breath away and I was reminded that that’s really all that matters. Experiencing the beauty, not capturing it.
I wasn’t missing anything.
While it’s amazing to get beautiful pictures of our experiences and the beauty all around us, sometimes the desire, activity, or opportunity to capture it can hold us back.
When we forget our phones, lose our cameras, our battery drains….and we can’t get a pic we can feel that we’re missing out, we can feel a sense of loss, a sense of a missed opportunity.
And sometimes we can get so wrapped up trying to get the “perfect picture” that we neglect to savor the moment itself.
Girls, haven’t you ever had a day where your makeup looked so perfect or your hair, better than usual and it kind of felt like a waste because you weren’t going anywhere or your plans did not work out? And in some way you almost wished you did not look so good? Because there’s like nowhere to go, no one to see it. Lol I know I’m not the only one!
(this isn’t my picture, I don’t know the original source but it’s funny!)
That’s kind of like this experience. Like, damn, the sky looks so good! And I can’t capture it!
;-p
I heard on the radio a couple years ago that there’s a study that shows that many people feel that it’s more important to capture and get “proof” of the fun occasions and beauty they experience than actually experiencing it. According to the radio program, most teenagers who took the survey said they would prefer not to experience something amazing if they can’t get a pic than experience it and not get pictures! I don’t know how accurate this survey/s is/are since I just heard it briefly some years ago and did not hear all the info. But I know this phenomenon is definitely true for some people.
I have met people who felt this way and I have felt a touch of this myself on some occasions. Not that I would prefer not to experience something great if I can’t get a pic but feeling so disappointed and anxious if I couldn’t get one to the point I sometimes let the disappointment and anxiety ruin the moment.
Looking up at that starry, starry sky I was reminded that living is much more important than capturing or “proving.” Both are great but we can’t always have both. And why let disappointment ruin the actual moment?
I almost never let “picture taking” take away my focus or experience of what is happening. That is a common problem now in society, at least the one I live among. People are obsessed with capturing and showing the fun they’re having and beauty they’re witnessing and instead of living the moment, they pull out their phones/cameras and play with them, posing instead of being natural, looking into a phone or camera instead of each other. I believe I manage a healthy balance of capturing the moment but also living it. But my problem is when I can’t capture it in at least one pic, I have felt so very disappointed.
And it’s the same with the makeup, who cares if you’re not going anywhere or seeing anyone? Just bask in your own beauty, put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty.
(and meet me tonight in Atlantic City ;-D lol)
It’s worth it! We don’t need a special occasion or to show anything. Wear that clingy dress, the diamond earrings, use the expensive utensils and sparkling crystal wine glasses, buy yourself flowers….each moment we’re alive is a special occasion.
I’m thankful the sky showed me. Lol
Also, I choose to look at the bright side! At least I got the biggest, brightest star! Lol And it looked like it was a falling star after a while! It was like curving or something. Fantastic!
So pretty!
This is definitely not an airplane (my sister insists that it is but I kept my eyes on it since it was a small speck hanging over the rooftops) or the moon. It somewhat resembles one but it’s a star, I’m sure of it.
I know what an airplane and what a star looks like(although one night I did mistake a traffic light for the moon so I guess you can’t be too sure of my judgment….but this I’m sure of!)
The moon was on the other side. And it stayed in one place all night, not moving, just sparkling, until it decided to curve like this. I kept running out to check on it all night. And took like one hundred pics. All shitty ones but I still like them.
(this picture has two stars! I had to lighten the picture a lot to make them more visible. Very hard to see but they’re there!)
I couldn’t imagine why I saved this picture and was about to delete it then I realized why! If you look closely you can see the shadow Of me standing on the tips off my toes desperately holding my phone up to the sky as high as I possibly can hoping to just get a few stars to show up! And also hoping the neighbors in the back wouldn’t think I’m some kind of creeper taking pictures through their windows. I promise it’s only the stars I was spying on. ;-D
It is a funny picture, kind of pathetic. Being this desperate but oh well….lol
Don McLean – Starry, Starry Night
Mobile:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oxHnRfhDmrk
Desktop:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=oxHnRfhDmrk
I hope you’re having a great day and a beautiful starry starry night!! ❤
😀
Xoxo Kim
3:00AM
“Let’s cherish every moment we have been giving; the time is passing by…” ~ Kool & the Gang
Hello, My name is Henry Bins and I have Henry Bins. Lol jk That’s an inside joke to myself. ;-D
I read a fiction book called “3:00AM” about a man named Henry Bins and he has a very rare sleep disorder which was named after him because he is one of three people in the world to have it and he was the first to be diagnosed.
He says “My name is Henry Bins and I have Henry Bins!” lol
It’s like a mixture of comedy, suspense, thriller, adventure, drama, love, mystery…I guess you can say. I love it!
The disorder causes him to sleep 23 out of 24 hours a day. It’s beyond his control. He wakes up every morning at 3:00am then just drops wherever he is at 4:00am and goes to sleep.
He had this disorder his whole life. It’s no walk in the park for him but he learned to live with it. He learned to adjust and cherish every moment he has awake.
His mom left him and his dad when he was a child and his dad brought him up and loves him unconditionally. He always wanted Henry to be as normal as possible and he made sure he was educated and well socialized. He would teach him reading and writing and he would bring children to their house at 3:00 am to play with Henry. Henry is about 36 years old in the novel, I think, and he’s as “normal” as can be.
He uses the Internet and goes out running and listens to music. But every single minute, literally, has to be planned out so he can get the most out of his life and be home safely in bed before he drops.
It’s also a murder mystery, this book. One morning just before 4:00 he was in his bedroom and he heard a woman scream like she was being murdered. Because she was being murdered.
They live near Washington D.C.
He looked out his window at her house across the street and saw Connor Sullivan, 44th president of the United States, walking out and the president looked up and saw Henry! Then Henry dropped to the floor asleep. And woke up all stiff and injured. He doesn’t drift off to sleep around 4:00am, he will literally drop and sleep with absolutely no control. He already ended up in an emergency room occasionally because of dropping to sleep and being injured when he was out places too late.
He learned to make sure he’s in bed right before 4:00am.
There’s no known cure for this (fictional) disorder.
Because of knowing his time is limited, he carefully plans to make the most of literally every single minute he’s awake. He is mindful of all the ways he can have fun, of all the beauty around him. He cherishes each and every moment he’s awake. He knows at 4:00am he will be asleep until the next day. He had a few girlfriends at different points but it never worked out because they couldn’t handle his disorder. He says the only thing worse than being or having Henry Bins is being in love with Henry Bins.
He plays video games, listens to music, runs for fun, reads books, checks out online dating websites, plays cards with his dad, has a stock business, a cat, and is generally happy. He pretty much has a full life. He sometimes wonders what it would be like if he did not have this disorder. He wonders if he would be married with kids but he knows he can’t be wasting minutes sulking or wondering “what if…???”
Henry says:
“I force myself to stay in the moment. I don’t have time for the past or the future. My life is the present. For many years I played the what if game. What if I had a normal life? Where would I be? Would I be married? Would I have kids? But then twenty or thirty minutes would be gone. Wasted. Thinking about things that I can’t change. That are unchangeable.”
See how this can apply to most of us to some extent? Who doesn’t at least once think “What if….?” We may think what if we were different or our lives were somehow different…what if we made a different choice, weren’t struggling with things beyond our control, looked different, were married or married to someone else, chose to go to school instead of certain jobs, did not have to put up with certain people, had more money…..
But all we have is now and what we currently are. It’s good to work to better ourselves but not fret or obsess over what we can’t change, what could have or should have been, or negatively compare our lives to others.
He doesn’t have much but what he does have is enough. He has one hour each day and he knows how to make the most of it.
Henry wakes up and he says, about the green numbers on his electronic clock,
“The glowing green embers also tell me it’s 3:01am.
One minute gone.”
Three minutes later after going online and checking his accounts, he says:
“3:04.
Four minutes gone.”
There is a profound revelation here.
“One minute gone.”
“Two minutes gone.”
“Three minutes gone…”
(he doesn’t count down like this throughout the entire book – that may be kind of annoying lol)
Henry, because of his disorder, only has a limited amount of time so he knows not to waste any of it at all.
Every single moment is important and worthy of being embraced.
For every minute he must decide what he wants to do that minute, what is worth it. Does he want to read, listen to a song, play a video game, masturbate(lol he decides that at this moment it isn’t worth it)…? Each minute he does something he doesn’t really care to do is a minute wasted, a minute he can never have back.
But guess what?! It’s not because of his sleep disorder that he only has a limited amount of time! This is true for all of us! His case is just more dramatic than most of ours but none of us has an unlimited supply of minutes awake!
One day, just like Henry Bins, we will drop except we won’t get back up again.
Henry was forced to realize this because of his condition. We are not usually forced by life circumstances to realize this to the depth that Henry is. Some people diagnosed with terminal illnesses or ones who have a near death experience see this much more deeply than probably the average person.
In some ways, his disorder allows him to even live more fully than a person without a disorder like this. What we may see as life hindering actually sets him free. To live more deeply, more completely, more sweetly than the rest.
He says
“…I spend a perfect minute watching a trawler sucked downstream by the sweeping black current. I used to wonder what it would look like during the light of day, how the water would look under a burning sun and puffy white clouds, but day didn’t exist in my world. Only night. Only darkness.”
I love this statement for a couple of reasons. It shows how much many people take for granted. The simple beauty we too often overlook. The beauty of day and night. It shows us how we have access to mundane things we overlook everyday that some people long to have and never do. Like daylight. Some people are always in the dark.
The next morning you wake up to the light of day, look around you and pretend you are Henry Bins finally seeing the light of day. Look with new eyes like you have never seen beauty in the sun. Isn’t it lovely?
This statement also shows acceptance. He can’t have day where he lives in his position and he just cherishes what he does have.
He knows it’s not wise to spend his moments being concerned over stuff he can’t do much about currently.
“The corpse of the woman continuously creeps into my thoughts as I run, but each time I am able to ward it off with a tight squeeze of my eyes and a gaze up at the starry sky. This is my time. Not hers.”
Sometimes we have to practice self-care and not put too much time and energy into other people’s problems and stuff we can’t change. This is especially poignant when we realize our time is limited. I think we all, or most of us, grow up with the knowledge we won’t be around forever. But knowing and realizing/feeling it are two different concepts. Once we feel it to a certain depth, we may be more motivated to change our ways to live in the present moment mindfully, with gratitude.
Since Henry’s time is especially limited, he checks his cell phone a lot for the minute. He has to so he can get back home safely and plan out how much of each thing he would like to engage in.
Since he lives near a murder scene, he is questioned by detectives.
The one detective wonders why he almost constantly checks his phone. She says,
“What’s one minute to the next at three in the morning?”
Henry is infuriated.
This detective does not know of Henry’s condition and he doesn’t care to explain it to her.
Also, he made a big mistake and he does have something to hide.
He says to the reader,
“Those minutes are my life, I nearly scream. Those minutes that you take so much for granted because you get a thousand of them each day are priceless to me. Your life is measured by title, wealth, and status. My life is measured in grains of sand, trickling from one teardrop to the other.
My nostrils flare when I’m angry and I wonder if Ray feels a small gust of wind. Taking a calm breath, I ponder telling her that I’m Henry Bins and I have Henry Bins. I don’t.”
(Ingrid Ray is the homicide detective – it’s cute because Henry and her have a little crush on each other! Lol)
At one point Henry says,
“It’s like Christmas, each minute a beautifully wrapped gift just waiting to be opened. Should I allow myself an extra minute in the shower? Could I read three more pages of my book? Run another quarter mile? Watch a YouTube video? Watch the swimming pool scene from Wild Things, twice?”
Isn’t this beautiful? Each minute of his life is a beautiful gift. Each minute itself. Every minute to him is full of wonder and possibility. If only we would all think this way quite often!
After reading this novel I noticed a change in me even without trying. I came to have an even deeper appreciation for my minutes and became even more mindful after just reading this book once. Then I began to apply the concept consciously and intentionally even more than I used to, the concept that each minute is a gift. A perfect gift. A minute is brief, fleeting. But it’s something. And every minute matters.
Have you ever wasted minutes? I sure have. Have you ever waited for a bus or train and just keep anxiously looking up the street as if it will make it appear or keep looking at your watch? Or keep thinking where in the hell is this bus or train? Or have you ever waited somewhere for someone to pick you up to go somewhere and when it’s nearing the hour the person should be coming for you, you don’t just sit and be peaceful, instead you feel like just getting it over with and like there’s no point in starting anything like reading or watching a movie or anything because you will be leaving soon, in just a matter of minutes?
But even five minutes is enough to be some kind of productive. One minute is. You can read a few pages of a book, meditate, write in a journal, a draft for a blog post… If you’re waiting for a bus I don’t think I would recommend deep meditation or maybe not reading and definitely not listening to music with earphones. It’s important to be aware of your surroundings for safety purposes. I do read and listen to music while out and about, occasionally, but I don’t recommend it to others. But you can take in the scene around you or think more productive thoughts than “when is this bus coming?!” or “let’s get this over with!!!”
Those few minutes are minutes that will be lost forever. Let us cherish them completely.
I try not to waste any minute now. The thing that really got this concept to sink in is in the beginning with the “one minute gone…two minutes gone…” That’s so true. For all of us.
I’m not Henry Bins and I don’t have Henry Bins. Lol
But just like Henry Bins, I do not have a limitless supply of minutes. I can fall asleep at 4:00am and never wake up.
It’s not likely but not impossible. I’m sure I will live to be old, old, old and hopefully indefinite life extension will be a reality and we will all live much longer. But we all have something in common with Henry Bins.
Each minute is a gift.
I was careful not to give away any big spoilers. This is a murder mystery but with a deeper message. I strongly recommend it.
I made it seem really cheesy and sappy here(I’m really into cheese and sap…) but it’s really not. The sappiness is all mine. Lol It’s a fascinating work of fiction both about a murder mystery and a very rare (fictional) disorder and how the man copes and lives with it. But it also has this deeper message.
This reminds of of a teacher I had in high school, Dr. Zhender. He always told us in every class that no amount of time is too short.
We can learn something of value in just a few short minutes. At the end of class instead of letting us talk or stand by the door, he would make us sit and watch part of a movie for the last five or ten minutes insisting that we never waste a minute.
And it reminds me of a professor I had in college for Sociology. Professor Grasmuck. She did the same exact thing. In college when we have an exam we can leave whenever we turn our paper in and when class ends early we often are allowed to leave. If it only takes us ten minutes to complete an exam, we can leave or if a lecture ends early, but never in her class. She made us sit there and told us to read or something or listen to her music. At the end of every class she made us listen to music saying it would do us good. If a student tried to walk out, she would yell “sit back down now!” as if we were children! Lol But I liked it; to me it seemed like an act of caring and I missed high school when we were under the authority of the teachers. In college that’s not how it is. Professor Grasmuck was always very sweet and friendly, very caring and passionate. I have always loved that about her, how moved she would be over the stuff she was teaching us, she really feels it. She was always deeply touched over injustices and the misfortunes of others and how they would help each other. She just did not want any time wasted in her class. She wanted us to learn and take in all the music and information we could in her class. Every minute counted. Every minute counts.
Dr. Z, Henry Bins, & Professor Grasmuck know that every minute is a gift and a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow and cherish.
This is a great lesson to us all!
😀
Xoxo Kim
Cool Nights {it’s like a heatwave}
“If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy,
if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you,
if the simple things in nature have a message you understand,
Rejoice, for your soul is alive.” ~Eleanora Duse
This is exactly how it feels to me to acknowledge the beauty of Nature. I have always been aware of the profound beauty all around me even while in severe emotional or physical pain. Mindfulness of natural beauty and the thrill it brings have come easily to me for as long as I can remember. Even as a little girl I would be in awe of the simple joys of living. The blueness of the sky, the sparkle of the rain, the dramatic colors of sunsets, the scent of cold air, the fragrance of grass and soil, the seasons changing…but I never realized this as a “thing” or concept or way of life until years later when I decided to create a personal development plan to heal my depression and I learned about mindfulness and gratitude at deeper, more conscious levels.
I decided to take my natural ability and habit of being aware of and thankful for the beauty all around me and make it even deeper, a conscious, intentional habit.
This to me is truly living. And it’s beautiful and also helps me cope with pain of any kind. But even when I’m not in pain it’s a thrilling way to live. Living generally mindfully with a conscious frequent attitude of gratitude, not just as a fleeting mood or feeling, has a dramatic impact and healing effect. Being mindful of my mindfulness itself also uplifts me often, knowing I have this ability, that I accomplished this lovely way of living.
Mindfulness or awareness or acknowledgment of beauty and blessings, an attitude of gratitude as a conscious, intentional way of life are incredible life changing habits but they are not cures for anything. When we accomplish this and develop these habits we will still feel pain, unhappiness sometimes. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be when you think about it, right?! That’s what it is to be alive. To feel both happiness and unhappiness, pleasure and pain, joy and sadness, thrill and blah feelings. But those habits can help us cope when something unpleasant is occurring.
Summer is my least favorite season but I love all four lovely seasons. They all have their own blessings. One of the things I will miss most about Summer is the beautiful insects/flying creatures/kreepy krawlers….lol
The bumble bees and the butterflies, the fireflies and other beauties.
Many days this summer there was a bumble bee drinking nectar out of a bright orange flower on the street where I live. So many days I would walk by the beautiful vibrant flowers and see the bee there sucking through the center of one of them. Truly amazing to see such beauty!
I got a few photos one day.
I will also miss the flowers. But I usually don’t dwell on what I miss. Instead I focus on Now. Whatever is currently here is really all I have. All any of us has. It’s great to look forward to, hope for, and plan on things in the future but generally I believe it’s best to honor Now. Now is still Summer and right now it’s a heatwave.
95 degrees in September!! For real! It wasn’t even this hot all Summer!
But I see signs of the impending Fall. Pumpkin lattes and coffee and donuts are already out!
I get in holiday and season spirit very early. In July I’m already ready for Fall and in October I’m ready for Christmas and snow! Lol
I think pumpkin coffee is more thrilling in cooler weather though and if I get it now in the midst of a heat wave then on the first crisp, Fall-like day it won’t be quite as thrilling. Still totally thrilling but not as much of a new feeling.
So I guess I will wait on that. Right now I’m drinking toasted almond coffee!
Here is a list of my favorite things about Autumn!
1.) Pumpkin Everything
2.) Cool nights
3.) Fall fashion (although I dress like it’s Summer all year except I wear hoodies in Fall) I love seeing photos of Fall fashion and other girls wearing it. It’s just usually not the style for me to wear myself.
4.) The colorful leaves on the ground
5.) Halloween themes and Thanksgiving things. I believe in gratitude all year round but it seems everyone else gets in the mood for gratitude around the holiday season
6.) Hoodies
7.) the feel in the air, the mental feeling of Fall
8.) apples
9.) Fall colors – brown, yellow, orange, red…
10.) candy corn!
11.) the fragrances of Fall -cinnamon, apple, cool air, pumpkin
12.) hot coffee, cocoa, tea…it’s just more magical in the Fall
13.) my dog loves the Fall & Winter! She gets quiet all summer and on really hot days and isn’t as playful but as soon as Autumn is in the air, she gets all wild and playful and happy! She’s a big pitbull and loves blankies and pillows! She loves snow too!
14.) The Eastern Stare Penitentiary – the old prison has exhibits all year I think. To learn about the history and all but in the Fall they have the haunted attraction! We get to walk through and monsters jump out at us and there’s all kinds of gory stuff and creepy sounds. I don’t always get to go but I always see the advertisements and stuff and it’s fun! The first day I went was years ago in college with a group of other students and we were clinging to each other, holding onto each other, hugging each other like our lives depended on it! Lol it was fun! One funny memory I have is the group of us consisted of all girls and one boy and the boy was the most scared and tried to make us stand in the front and we told him since he’s the boy, he should be leading the way! Lol I was so afraid we were going to be separated and I would be alone in small, dark places! When it was over we got outside and there were candy and caramel apples and monsters dancing and flashing lights!
15.) longer, darker nights
16.) Halloween decorations
17.) Halloween lights
18.) pumpkin pie, apple pie, coconut custard pie
19.) cranberries!
20.) candy doesn’t melt in cool weather
21.) Everything
22.) hay rides
23.) apple spice
24.) apple cider
25.) sweaters
26.) jack – o – lanterns
27.) cool, windy days
28.) it gets dark early
29.) crunchy leaves
30.) sweet potatoes
Fall just thrills me so much!
And since it’s still summer I will honor it with some lovely summery photos I took!
This little beauty was drinking nectar through this bright orange flower all August long! I used to stand there and watch with wonder.
This fly was basking in a light rainy afternoon one day out in my backyard. I captured him and the glistening drops on the vibrant green leaf.
A different fly on the same day on a flower or leaf stem. Aren’t they beautiful?! Flies really can be quite lovely and I have great photographer skills, don’t you think?!
I think so too! 😀
Xoxo Kim
p.s. check out “Cool Night” by Paul Davis!! one of my favorite songs since I was a little girl! ❤
Twenty Inspiring Questions
I subscribe to many personal development, self-help, inspirational e-mails provided by bloggers and people with amazing websites intended to help people help themselves have better lives. My e-mail inboxes are filled with almost nothing but positive messages each and every day. I’m blessed!
Today I woke up to a wonderful e-mail with this link:
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-inspiring-questions-help-you-find-your-dream-and-change-your-life.html?utm_source=Lifehack&utm_campaign=f276feb792-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_983e966a3e-f276feb792-414760829
It’s a list of twenty thought-provoking questions designed to help readers look deeper into their lives and selves and really come to understand themselves better. I am so motivated just reading them! I decided to answer them and share my answers with everyone interested! I encourage everyone interested to answer them even if you don’t want to share your answers publicly. They really got me thinking! 😀
The commentary in the parentheses below each question is provided by SCOTT CHRIST, the person who listed the questions.
1.) What beliefs do you carry that may be holding you back?
(It takes guts to call yourself out and question beliefs that just don’t seem right. We’re all ingrained with a set of learned behaviors that may be holding us back. It’s okay to question them and seek a better way. That’s a true sign of growth.)
One belief that I allow to often hold me back is the belief that “It’s not going to happen now” or “not likely to happen.” For example, about applying for jobs, I know that there are many, many people who are more qualified than me for jobs. There are people with much more work experience and more advanced degrees who are much more likely to get certain jobs than I am. I know that there are many jobs I would be so great at if I worked there but when considering applying for them, I often think about the many others who will also be applying who have advantages over me.
Just because they have more experience and more advanced degrees doesn’t necessarily mean they will be better at the job than me. But an interviewer may assume that. So while I have every intention of applying some day, I just keeping putting it off saying “later.”.
I have to write a cover letter and fill out an application for each job. Sometimes this can be challenging and time consuming and I think what’s the point of doing this right at this moment when I can be doing something else and probably won’t get the job anyway.
I also often think “What if I apply for a job right now and forget to add something valuable that I may remember later so I should just wait…”
These are very limiting beliefs and while there’s some truth to some parts, it’s also unreasonable and very destructive to think this way.
We all have unique abilities, strengths, qualities, experiences, and our own gifts that add value to the workplace, relationships, and the world. There’s always going to be someone more qualified than me and someone less qualified than me for certain jobs and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just a fact. An interviewer or person reviewing my job application may just see something in me that s/he feels is worth giving a chance even if someone else seems more qualified. This goes for everyone. You may be less qualified in experience and academics but just as qualified or more in other ways, like your interpersonal skills or certain thoughts you have. This is even true for college applications. I have known kids with excellent grades and attendance who were rejected by prestigious universities and others with less impressive grades who were accepted. It’s a combination of things that help get people where they want to be. Instead of focusing on how others are “better” in some ways, I should just focus on being the best me I can be in every way.
And there’s really no reason for me to procrastinate out of fear of forgetting certain valuable info. Because if that can happen now, it can happen later. As long as I’m thinking clearly and have the time, it’s best to fill out that app NOW and just pay careful attention to it. If I blow my chance, oh well! It’s not the end of the world! There will be many more opportunities for me!
2.) What’s your hobby?
(The things you love to do in your downtime can tell you a lot about how to find happiness in your life. Do the stuff you enjoy doing, and you’ll get closer to finding your true calling.)
I have quite a few that I absolutely love! One of those hobbies I have just become more and more interested in and feel myself becoming more creative with is photography! I have loved taking pictures all my life but now I’m very into it. I use my bb10 phone and have great photo apps and I love finding quotes to go along with my photos. I plan to get a camera one day when I get money. I also love writing poetic things and writing blog posts.
I love reading too. I love personal development and philosophy readings and also novels. Especially ones with profound messages.
I listen to music a lot and love collecting inspirational lyrics and quotes and applying them to real life situations and sharing them.
3.) What’s your talent?
( One thing that’s even more important than recognizing your hobbies is understanding your talents. What are you good at? If you asked five friends, what would they identify as your biggest assets? The answers can help you find your dream and change your life.)
I always felt that I have no talents because I never possessed any beautiful artistic skills or anything. I don’t draw good even when I try. I don’t sing well at all and have no natural “callings” that way. But there is one thing. It’s not an artistic skill but it’s very valuable. I am extremely empathetic and understanding. I always have been but when I grew up, it developed so much deeper. I truly have an uncanny ability to understand people and situations even when I haven’t, myself, experienced the same things those people have and have never been in those specific situations. I don’t believe or claim to know exactly how someone else feels but I do have a very deep understanding which allows me to connect deeper with others and provide consolation and great support to people. I don’t negatively judge and try to get people to “snap out of it” or wonder how they can feel that way. I just know. I know how people can think and feel ways that I wouldn’t think or feel because of my strong empathy. And I can draw on my own experiences to be even more understanding.
Even when people have strongly opposing views to mine, I don’t agree but can still see how they can feel that way, even if I’m irked or angry! Lol
Empathy isn’t just about caring and being compassionate either. It’s even deeper. It’s a deep understanding of someone else’s situation and experiences. It’s somewhat difficult to explain the depth of my empathy. And I fear that people may think I’m overstepping my boundaries and claiming to know how they feel. But that’s not it at all.
I don’t know. But I understand a certain way.
And empathy isn’t just about understanding and feeling people’s pain but also happiness and pleasure. I feel almost as if it’s happening to me. I literally feel their pain & pleasure but I know it’s not exactly how they feel it since I’m not them. If you win the multi-million dollar lotto, I will feel like I just did too. If you’re in a manic episode, it will rub off on me. If you’re in an accident even if I don’t know you, I will be shakin’ up almost as if I do know you. I have thin psychological boundaries and unlike most people who just feel sorry or sad for someone or just curious and then go about their day, I feel as if I’m somehow involved, personally, to some degree, in your situation. Even later.
One day at 2:00 in the morning there was an ambulance outside my house for a neighbor and I had no idea what was going on or who it was for. My mom was mostly just curious, looking out the Window but I felt distress, sorrow, and a desperate hope that it wasn’t something too horrific going on. I could just imagine how it would feel if I was in a situation like that. I am a calm girl and don’t freak out or panic even when stuff is happening to me but I was expressing my deep concern. My mom said it’s weird how I act over things that don’t involve me one bit. It’s a true gift but it can be draining and painful and I had to learn to cope with this gift.
4.) Who do you like to work with?
(Think about the people who you work well with. Use your intuition to guide you toward similar people in your work environment.)
I love to work with fun people who are easy to get a long with and also like to do teamwork. Ones who handle difficulties well without wanting to engage in complicated arguments. I like people who want to build up and uplift others and not have negative competitions. And even if there’s like a competition for a promotion we both want, I would like us to still get along and not hold grudges and just wish each other well.
5.) Where do you enjoy working?
(What is the work setting where you’re most productive? Perhaps in group meetings? Or alone in your office? Try spending most of your time there. If you’re stuck in a job that puts you in a setting you don’t enjoy, speak up and tell your boss.)
I want a job working closely with others. I don’t mind an office job as long as parts of the day involve interacting with people.
6.) What are your passions?
( What makes you genuinely happy in life? Identify your passions, and then do everything in your power to spend timedoing the things you love. Then answer this:)
I love inspiring, helping, nurturing and uplifting people. That’s one reason I decided to have a blog. I also love sharing uplifting messages and I want to have a peer specialist or counseling job. I’m also passionate about Nature and love taking pictures of everything outside. It’s so beautiful. I’m passionate about certain songs as well.
7.) How can you turn your passions into work?
(It’s one thing to pursue your passion as a hobby. It’s a whole different ballgame to do what you love and get paid for it. If you’re stuck in a job you hate, find a way to turn your passion into your career. If you want something badly enough, and are willing to take action and do the things that others aren’t willing to do, you’ll achieve whatever you want in your career and in your life.)
Applying for jobs working with people and applying my people skills to my work!
8.) What inspires you?
(Where do you find inspiration to drive you forward? Maybe it’s books, websites, friends, or family members. The point is, harness your preferred sources of inspiration every day.)
Books, blogs, websites, life itself, people, heartwarming stories, random acts of kindness, songs, quotes, photography, sunrises and sunsets, rain, snow, the sky, other aspects of Nature. Heartache, pain, tears, and healing. Laughter and daylight. Nightfall. Cracks on the pavements, chipped paint, the darkness of night, breathing, my heartbeat….I find inspiration everywhere.
9.) How do you motivate yourself to take action?
(Being inspired is great. But if you don’t have a method and plan to motivate yourself to make positive change in your life, you’ll remain in the same place you’re in today.)
Inspiration is beautiful and I’m often inspired and it drives me to do many things. But I view inspiration itself as more of a feeling inside while motivation is more action associated. Inspiration can lead to motivation and help maintain it. I have random bursts of motivation that I can’t explain. They come out of nowhere then I start applying for jobs without holding back. But the motivation then wears off and I’m back to the problem I discussed in response to question #1. It’s great to be randomly and inexplicably motivated but since it’s not a conscious decision or habit, it likely won’t hold up. So it’s great to come up with a conscious plan to maintain general motivation. One thing that does motivate me is vividly imagining what I truly want and what it would be like to have that. I still have to make this a habit though because it’s not yet. Also sometimes I read things that get me pumped and motivated. Talk therapy sessions also help me get motivated.
10.) What do you dream about?
(Dreams expose truths about our lives we often have trouble seeing. Keep a dream journal to record your subconscious thoughts. Whenever you wake up in the middle of a dream, write down exactly what occurred. Then analyze the dream the next day and look for signs and signals from your subconscious mind.)
My dreams are frequently about interacting with people, new friendships, and wisdom/life lessons. I have a lot of strange dreams, some ordinary ones that are just like an extension of my days, and I hardly ever have scary ones. But yeah, one common theme is people and connecting with them.
11.) What have you overcome?
(Most of us have struggled mightily and overcome great obstacles. Don’t take this for granted. Thinking about the massive obstacles you’ve overcome already should convince you that you can accomplish anything you want in life.)
One thing I have overcome is succumbing to my crippling shyness. I have always been shy to the point of it being like a disability but not anymore. I’m still shy, just not as much and I open up much quicker. Feeling shy isn’t my choice but I often now can choose to speak up even when I’m feeling very shy. As a child, I couldn’t do that. Even as a young college student it was hard. The more I interact with people, the less shy I become around those people and even in general. After I got a job at a store, I became much less shy. It will never go completely away and some days I’m more shy than others but being around people, opening up, and interacting pushes me to be less shy.
12.) How do you respond to what others say about you?
(You can choose to react negatively to what others say about you, or you can choose to ignore it. Even our friends and close family members can say and do things that are extremely hurtful. Words others say don’t define you though. Your actions and thoughts define you. Don’t ever forget that.)
When people compliment me, I accept those compliments very gratefully. When I am criticized constructively, I am also thankful for the helpful feedback and will use it effectively if it will be helpful. About uncalled for negative comments, I have learned to mostly just let them slide. They’re not worth the time they demand. I used to often seek revenge on people who said bad things about/to me. I would say something back I knew would offend them, sometimes even trying to “get them” worse than they “got me.”. Lol! I used to try to spread gossip about girls who did that to me. My general love & compassion would take the back burner and my desire for revenge or to be right would become dominant. But that accomplishes nothing worthwhile. It’s ridiculous and I can’t believe I once engaged in that. To know me now, you would never know it. I have come a long way. Love should always prevail. Now when someone unnecessarily criticizes me or expresses uncalled for negative views about me, I suck it up, wish the person the best, and move on. I won’t deny though that there are seldom occasions when I struggle to hold my tongue. But after practicing conscious lovingkindness for so long, I usually don’t even feel like coming back with retorts and little petty remarks to offend or anger. We can all rise above that.
13.)Why are you here?
(Want to know how to find your dream and change your life in one simple step? Then answer this question: What do you think your purpose is? It’s a deep question. But it’s an important one. You may not know the answer right now, and that’s okay. You’ll find it when you’re ready.)
I’m here because my mom gave birth to me and I never died.
That’s all there is to it. I don’t believe in a “life purpose” or “ultimate purpose” or anything of that sort. I am here just because. Randomly. Some people say and I have even said that “we create our own purpose” for living but I don’t even believe it. We create our happiness and things that make our own lives interesting, fun, and feeling like we have “reason” or “purpose” but I don’t believe that anything other than life itself gives me purpose. If I say my “Life purpose” is to do something I’m passionate about then all of a sudden that thing is no longer something I’m passionate about OR I can no longer do that for some reason, maybe because I become permanently disabled or something, I would STILL have a purpose. Nothing outside of me gives me reason. I am the reason. I, myself am purpose.
14.) Who do you admire?
(Seek inspiration in others whom you admire. Despite all the bad things going on in the world, there are still millions of heroes, dreamers, and leaders that can inspire all of us to live better.)
The people who always have my heart are ones who go out of their way to love & help others. I believe people in general are basically good and help people sometimes and most people care to a certain degree. But there are those more rare people who go above and beyond to help even strangers. Ones who are beyond compassionate and loving and just embrace everyone. I love people with hearts that are open books and they warmly welcome anyone who wants to come into their world. They melt my heart. I love animal lovers too who value their lives and believe they are worthy of love and compassion just like humans.
15.) What are your weaknesses?
(Nobody’s perfect. And acknowledging thethings you need to get better at is a crucial step to find your dream and change your life.)
I’m horrible at math. Even simple basic math. I sometimes still struggle with feelings of worthlessness. I don’t have those thoughts and feelings as frequently and usually not as deeply as I used to but still have them occasionally. They used to be my life but not now.
16.) What are your goals?
(Think about what you aspire to accomplish in your life. These goals should drive your actions. Speaking of action…)
My number one goal is to be the best me I can be. For myself and everyone. Not to be a perfectionist but to be as loving, compassionate, accepting, tolerant, understanding, kind, and open-minded as possible. To be the light in someone’s darkness, to inspire, uplift, encourage, and help empower.
17.) How do you plan on accomplishing your goals?
(Goals without a plan are meaningless. Once you figure out your goals, write down action steps that will help you achieve them. Most people don’t do this, and it can mean the difference between getting what you want and failing.)
Yeah well I won’t say that I agree that they’re necessarily “meaningless” but I do agree that a goal paired with an active plan is much more likely to be a success than a mere goal or empty plan alone. The goal is the first step and a great start! ;-D
I’m already doing a good job. And the more I am this way, the more it reinforces it. Sometimes I catch myself not being as kind as I can be and I remind myself that no matter what someone does that I don’t like, I can still be loving and kind to that person. If someone isn’t loving and kind towards me, I don’t have to sink to that level. Instead of focusing on someone else’s lack of kindness, I can just focus on my goal to be the best me I can be. Also, I share uplifting and inspirational things on social media outlets for anyone who may see and need a splash of sunlight.
18.) What are you grateful for?
(Be thankful every single day. And show your gratitude to others too. Say, “Thank you.” Return acts of kindness. Be grateful for what you have.)
This life of mine which is the thing that allows me to experience all the other great blessings. And I’m thankful for everyone else’s life. Wow! How amazing it is to be alive! To have a pulse, a heartbeat, a body that functions so well! :-O
19.) How can you make yourself better?
(We all have problems. But you can either give up and accept your circumstances or you can choose to find ways to improve. Are you unhappy with your body? Then learn how to eat better and form consistent exercise habits. Hate your job? Then start taking action to develop a new skill.)
Learn. Practice. Apply. Keep an open mind. Pay attention. Formulate positive habits. Admit to myself, my weaknesses and when I’m wrong.
20.) How can you make the world better?
(Last, but certainly not least, is figuring out your ultimate goal. How can you change the world? If you don’t know the answer just yet, combine all the answers above and you’ll have a much better idea. You have the power to do amazing things. Don’t take that for granted.)
This is a fantastic question because it provides the opportunity for deep thought. Contrary to what many people think “Making the world a better place” IS possible for even just one person to do. The world is a very large thing composed of many, many smaller things and aspects. “Making the world a better place” can refer to any magnitude, whether at a local level or global level. You don’t have to be the president of some country or working in some international affairs organization to have a great impact. Working for the environment is amazing but you don’t have to necessarily do that to help either. Just touching one individual life for the better, whether animal or person makes one aspect of the world better. And not only is that, alone, an incredible thing but it’s possible for it to have a ripple effect and that one life consciously or unconsciously will go on to positively impact another…..
Right now, I don’t have the resources available to me, that I know of, to make the world a better place at a global, international, or national level. Maybe not even at a local level. But I can touch as many people as I can in small ways which can have a great impact on each life I impact for the better.
Twenty Inspiring Questions
I subscribe to many personal development, self-help, inspirational e-mails provided by bloggers and people with amazing websites intended to help people help themselves have better lives. My e-mail inboxes are filled with almost nothing but positive messages each and every day. I’m blessed!
Today I woke up to a wonderful e-mail with this link:
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-inspiring-questions-help-you-find-your-dream-and-change-your-life.html?utm_source=Lifehack&utm_campaign=f276feb792-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_983e966a3e-f276feb792-414760829
It’s a list of twenty thought-provoking questions designed to help readers look deeper into their lives and selves and really come to understand themselves better. I am so motivated just reading them! I decided to answer them and share my answers with everyone interested! I encourage everyone interested to answer them even if you don’t want to share your answers publicly. They really got me thinking! 😀
The commentary in the parentheses below each question is provided by SCOTT CHRIST, the person who listed the questions.
1.) What beliefs do you carry that may be holding you back?
(It takes guts to call yourself out and question beliefs that just don’t seem right. We’re all ingrained with a set of learned behaviors that may be holding us back. It’s okay to question them and seek a better way. That’s a true sign of growth.)
One belief that I allow to often hold me back is the belief that “It’s not going to happen now” or “not likely to happen.” For example, about applying for jobs, I know that there are many, many people who are more qualified than me for jobs. There are people with much more work experience and more advanced degrees who are much more likely to get certain jobs than I am. I know that there are many jobs I would be so great at if I worked there but when considering applying for them, I often think about the many others who will also be applying who have advantages over me.
Just because they have more experience and more advanced degrees doesn’t necessarily mean they will be better at the job than me. But an interviewer may assume that. So while I have every intention of applying some day, I just keeping putting it off saying “later.”.
I have to write a cover letter and fill out an application for each job. Sometimes this can be challenging and time consuming and I think what’s the point of doing this right at this moment when I can be doing something else and probably won’t get the job anyway.
I also often think “What if I apply for a job right now and forget to add something valuable that I may remember later so I should just wait…”
These are very limiting beliefs and while there’s some truth to some parts, it’s also unreasonable and very destructive to think this way.
We all have unique abilities, strengths, qualities, experiences, and our own gifts that add value to the workplace, relationships, and the world. There’s always going to be someone more qualified than me and someone less qualified than me for certain jobs and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just a fact. An interviewer or person reviewing my job application may just see something in me that s/he feels is worth giving a chance even if someone else seems more qualified. This goes for everyone. You may be less qualified in experience and academics but just as qualified or more in other ways, like your interpersonal skills or certain thoughts you have. This is even true for college applications. I have known kids with excellent grades and attendance who were rejected by prestigious universities and others with less impressive grades who were accepted. It’s a combination of things that help get people where they want to be. Instead of focusing on how others are “better” in some ways, I should just focus on being the best me I can be in every way.
And there’s really no reason for me to procrastinate out of fear of forgetting certain valuable info. Because if that can happen now, it can happen later. As long as I’m thinking clearly and have the time, it’s best to fill out that app NOW and just pay careful attention to it. If I blow my chance, oh well! It’s not the end of the world! There will be many more opportunities for me!
2.) What’s your hobby?
(The things you love to do in your downtime can tell you a lot about how to find happiness in your life. Do the stuff you enjoy doing, and you’ll get closer to finding your true calling.)
I have quite a few that I absolutely love! One of those hobbies I have just become more and more interested in and feel myself becoming more creative with is photography! I have loved taking pictures all my life but now I’m very into it. I use my bb10 phone and have great photo apps and I love finding quotes to go along with my photos. I plan to get a camera one day when I get money. I also love writing poetic things and writing blog posts.
I love reading too. I love personal development and philosophy readings and also novels. Especially ones with profound messages.
I listen to music a lot and love collecting inspirational lyrics and quotes and applying them to real life situations and sharing them.
3.) What’s your talent?
( One thing that’s even more important than recognizing your hobbies is understanding your talents. What are you good at? If you asked five friends, what would they identify as your biggest assets? The answers can help you find your dream and change your life.)
I always felt that I have no talents because I never possessed any beautiful artistic skills or anything. I don’t draw good even when I try. I don’t sing well at all and have no natural “callings” that way. But there is one thing. It’s not an artistic skill but it’s very valuable. I am extremely empathetic and understanding. I always have been but when I grew up, it developed so much deeper. I truly have an uncanny ability to understand people and situations even when I haven’t, myself, experienced the same things those people have and have never been in those specific situations. I don’t believe or claim to know exactly how someone else feels but I do have a very deep understanding which allows me to connect deeper with others and provide consolation and great support to people. I don’t negatively judge and try to get people to “snap out of it” or wonder how they can feel that way. I just know. I know how people can think and feel ways that I wouldn’t think or feel because of my strong empathy. And I can draw on my own experiences to be even more understanding.
Even when people have strongly opposing views to mine, I don’t agree but can still see how they can feel that way, even if I’m irked or angry! Lol
Empathy isn’t just about caring and being compassionate either. It’s even deeper. It’s a deep understanding of someone else’s situation and experiences. It’s somewhat difficult to explain the depth of my empathy. And I fear that people may think I’m overstepping my boundaries and claiming to know how they feel. But that’s not it at all.
I don’t know. But I understand a certain way.
And empathy isn’t just about understanding and feeling people’s pain but also happiness and pleasure. I feel almost as if it’s happening to me. I literally feel their pain & pleasure but I know it’s not exactly how they feel it since I’m not them. If you win the multi-million dollar lotto, I will feel like I just did too. If you’re in a manic episode, it will rub off on me. If you’re in an accident even if I don’t know you, I will be shakin’ up almost as if I do know you. I have thin psychological boundaries and unlike most people who just feel sorry or sad for someone or just curious and then go about their day, I feel as if I’m somehow involved, personally, to some degree, in your situation. Even later.
One day at 2:00 in the morning there was an ambulance outside my house for a neighbor and I had no idea what was going on or who it was for. My mom was mostly just curious, looking out the Window but I felt distress, sorrow, and a desperate hope that it wasn’t something too horrific going on. I could just imagine how it would feel if I was in a situation like that. I am a calm girl and don’t freak out or panic even when stuff is happening to me but I was expressing my deep concern. My mom said it’s weird how I act over things that don’t involve me one bit. It’s a true gift but it can be draining and painful and I had to learn to cope with this gift.
4.) Who do you like to work with?
(Think about the people who you work well with. Use your intuition to guide you toward similar people in your work environment.)
I love to work with fun people who are easy to get a long with and also like to do teamwork. Ones who handle difficulties well without wanting to engage in complicated arguments. I like people who want to build up and uplift others and not have negative competitions. And even if there’s like a competition for a promotion we both want, I would like us to still get along and not hold grudges and just wish each other well.
5.) Where do you enjoy working?
(What is the work setting where you’re most productive? Perhaps in group meetings? Or alone in your office? Try spending most of your time there. If you’re stuck in a job that puts you in a setting you don’t enjoy, speak up and tell your boss.)
I want a job working closely with others. I don’t mind an office job as long as parts of the day involve interacting with people.
6.) What are your passions?
( What makes you genuinely happy in life? Identify your passions, and then do everything in your power to spend timedoing the things you love. Then answer this:)
I love inspiring, helping, nurturing and uplifting people. That’s one reason I decided to have a blog. I also love sharing uplifting messages and I want to have a peer specialist or counseling job. I’m also passionate about Nature and love taking pictures of everything outside. It’s so beautiful. I’m passionate about certain songs as well.
7.) How can you turn your passions into work?
(It’s one thing to pursue your passion as a hobby. It’s a whole different ballgame to do what you love and get paid for it. If you’re stuck in a job you hate, find a way to turn your passion into your career. If you want something badly enough, and are willing to take action and do the things that others aren’t willing to do, you’ll achieve whatever you want in your career and in your life.)
Applying for jobs working with people and applying my people skills to my work!
8.) What inspires you?
(Where do you find inspiration to drive you forward? Maybe it’s books, websites, friends, or family members. The point is, harness your preferred sources of inspiration every day.)
Books, blogs, websites, life itself, people, heartwarming stories, random acts of kindness, songs, quotes, photography, sunrises and sunsets, rain, snow, the sky, other aspects of Nature. Heartache, pain, tears, and healing. Laughter and daylight. Nightfall. Cracks on the pavements, chipped paint, the darkness of night, breathing, my heartbeat….I find inspiration everywhere.
9.) How do you motivate yourself to take action?
(Being inspired is great. But if you don’t have a method and plan to motivate yourself to make positive change in your life, you’ll remain in the same place you’re in today.)
Inspiration is beautiful and I’m often inspired and it drives me to do many things. But I view inspiration itself as more of a feeling inside while motivation is more action associated. Inspiration can lead to motivation and help maintain it. I have random bursts of motivation that I can’t explain. They come out of nowhere then I start applying for jobs without holding back. But the motivation then wears off and I’m back to the problem I discussed in response to question #1. It’s great to be randomly and inexplicably motivated but since it’s not a conscious decision or habit, it likely won’t hold up. So it’s great to come up with a conscious plan to maintain general motivation. One thing that does motivate me is vividly imagining what I truly want and what it would be like to have that. I still have to make this a habit though because it’s not yet. Also sometimes I read things that get me pumped and motivated. Talk therapy sessions also help me get motivated.
10.) What do you dream about?
(Dreams expose truths about our lives we often have trouble seeing. Keep a dream journal to record your subconscious thoughts. Whenever you wake up in the middle of a dream, write down exactly what occurred. Then analyze the dream the next day and look for signs and signals from your subconscious mind.)
My dreams are frequently about interacting with people, new friendships, and wisdom/life lessons. I have a lot of strange dreams, some ordinary ones that are just like an extension of my days, and I hardly ever have scary ones. But yeah, one common theme is people and connecting with them.
11.) What have you overcome?
(Most of us have struggled mightily and overcome great obstacles. Don’t take this for granted. Thinking about the massive obstacles you’ve overcome already should convince you that you can accomplish anything you want in life.)
One thing I have overcome is succumbing to my crippling shyness. I have always been shy to the point of it being like a disability but not anymore. I’m still shy, just not as much and I open up much quicker. Feeling shy isn’t my choice but I often now can choose to speak up even when I’m feeling very shy. As a child, I couldn’t do that. Even as a young college student it was hard. The more I interact with people, the less shy I become around those people and even in general. After I got a job at a store, I became much less shy. It will never go completely away and some days I’m more shy than others but being around people, opening up, and interacting pushes me to be less shy.
12.) How do you respond to what others say about you?
(You can choose to react negatively to what others say about you, or you can choose to ignore it. Even our friends and close family members can say and do things that are extremely hurtful. Words others say don’t define you though. Your actions and thoughts define you. Don’t ever forget that.)
When people compliment me, I accept those compliments very gratefully. When I am criticized constructively, I am also thankful for the helpful feedback and will use it effectively if it will be helpful. About uncalled for negative comments, I have learned to mostly just let them slide. They’re not worth the time they demand. I used to often seek revenge on people who said bad things about/to me. I would say something back I knew would offend them, sometimes even trying to “get them” worse than they “got me.”. Lol! I used to try to spread gossip about girls who did that to me. My general love & compassion would take the back burner and my desire for revenge or to be right would become dominant. But that accomplishes nothing worthwhile. It’s ridiculous and I can’t believe I once engaged in that. To know me now, you would never know it. I have come a long way. Love should always prevail. Now when someone unnecessarily criticizes me or expresses uncalled for negative views about me, I suck it up, wish the person the best, and move on. I won’t deny though that there are seldom occasions when I struggle to hold my tongue. But after practicing conscious lovingkindness for so long, I usually don’t even feel like coming back with retorts and little petty remarks to offend or anger. We can all rise above that.
13.)Why are you here?
(Want to know how to find your dream and change your life in one simple step? Then answer this question: What do you think your purpose is? It’s a deep question. But it’s an important one. You may not know the answer right now, and that’s okay. You’ll find it when you’re ready.)
I’m here because my mom gave birth to me and I never died.
That’s all there is to it. I don’t believe in a “life purpose” or “ultimate purpose” or anything of that sort. I am here just because. Randomly. Some people say and I have even said that “we create our own purpose” for living but I don’t even believe it. We create our happiness and things that make our own lives interesting, fun, and feeling like we have “reason” or “purpose” but I don’t believe that anything other than life itself gives me purpose. If I say my “Life purpose” is to do something I’m passionate about then all of a sudden that thing is no longer something I’m passionate about OR I can no longer do that for some reason, maybe because I become permanently disabled or something, I would STILL have a purpose. Nothing outside of me gives me reason. I am the reason. I, myself am purpose.
14.) Who do you admire?
(Seek inspiration in others whom you admire. Despite all the bad things going on in the world, there are still millions of heroes, dreamers, and leaders that can inspire all of us to live better.)
The people who always have my heart are ones who go out of their way to love & help others. I believe people in general are basically good and help people sometimes and most people care to a certain degree. But there are those more rare people who go above and beyond to help even strangers. Ones who are beyond compassionate and loving and just embrace everyone. I love people with hearts that are open books and they warmly welcome anyone who wants to come into their world. They melt my heart. I love animal lovers too who value their lives and believe they are worthy of love and compassion just like humans.
15.) What are your weaknesses?
(Nobody’s perfect. And acknowledging thethings you need to get better at is a crucial step to find your dream and change your life.)
I’m horrible at math. Even simple basic math. I sometimes still struggle with feelings of worthlessness. I don’t have those thoughts and feelings as frequently and usually not as deeply as I used to but still have them occasionally. They used to be my life but not now.
16.) What are your goals?
(Think about what you aspire to accomplish in your life. These goals should drive your actions. Speaking of action…)
My number one goal is to be the best me I can be. For myself and everyone. Not to be a perfectionist but to be as loving, compassionate, accepting, tolerant, understanding, kind, and open-minded as possible. To be the light in someone’s darkness, to inspire, uplift, encourage, and help empower.
17.) How do you plan on accomplishing your goals?
(Goals without a plan are meaningless. Once you figure out your goals, write down action steps that will help you achieve them. Most people don’t do this, and it can mean the difference between getting what you want and failing.)
Yeah well I won’t say that I agree that they’re necessarily “meaningless” but I do agree that a goal paired with an active plan is much more likely to be a success than a mere goal or empty plan alone. The goal is the first step and a great start! ;-D
I’m already doing a good job. And the more I am this way, the more it reinforces it. Sometimes I catch myself not being as kind as I can be and I remind myself that no matter what someone does that I don’t like, I can still be loving and kind to that person. If someone isn’t loving and kind towards me, I don’t have to sink to that level. Instead of focusing on someone else’s lack of kindness, I can just focus on my goal to be the best me I can be. Also, I share uplifting and inspirational things on social media outlets for anyone who may see and need a splash of sunlight.
18.) What are you grateful for?
(Be thankful every single day. And show your gratitude to others too. Say, “Thank you.” Return acts of kindness. Be grateful for what you have.)
This life of mine which is the thing that allows me to experience all the other great blessings. And I’m thankful for everyone else’s life. Wow! How amazing it is to be alive! To have a pulse, a heartbeat, a body that functions so well! :-O
19.) How can you make yourself better?
(We all have problems. But you can either give up and accept your circumstances or you can choose to find ways to improve. Are you unhappy with your body? Then learn how to eat better and form consistent exercise habits. Hate your job? Then start taking action to develop a new skill.)
Learn. Practice. Apply. Keep an open mind. Pay attention. Formulate positive habits. Admit to myself, my weaknesses and when I’m wrong.
20.) How can you make the world better?
(Last, but certainly not least, is figuring out your ultimate goal. How can you change the world? If you don’t know the answer just yet, combine all the answers above and you’ll have a much better idea. You have the power to do amazing things. Don’t take that for granted.)
This is a fantastic question because it provides the opportunity for deep thought. Contrary to what many people think “Making the world a better place” IS possible for even just one person to do. The world is a very large thing composed of many, many smaller things and aspects. “Making the world a better place” can refer to any magnitude, whether at a local level or global level. You don’t have to be the president of some country or working in some international affairs organization to have a great impact. Working for the environment is amazing but you don’t have to necessarily do that to help either. Just touching one individual life for the better, whether animal or person makes one aspect of the world better. And not only is that, alone, an incredible thing but it’s possible for it to have a ripple effect and that one life consciously or unconsciously will go on to positively impact another…..
Right now, I don’t have the resources available to me, that I know of, to make the world a better place at a global, international, or national level. Maybe not even at a local level. But I can touch as many people as I can in small ways which can have a great impact on each life I impact for the better.
Raindrops Keep falling on my head
(my little man, Emmy. He’s nine months old!
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” ~ John Michael Holmes
Hello lovelies,
I haven’t been doing much lately but laying in bed with my little dog and sharing inspirational quotes and pics on Facebook and reading old plays and books. I can’t put much serious thought into anything.
I recently suffered a head injury and it’s really affecting me. I never got it checked out, professionally. It doesn’t seem like an emergency and I have no way to pay for medical treatment.
I walked into a bar on my bed in the dark one early morning and I drifted unconscious for a few moments, I think. It was a hard blow. I.cant remember much about it. The pain is getting worse and so is my.distorted thinking. And my.senses and memory are a bit hazy. It got hit on one side but the pain is now through my. Whole head.
I’m also dizzy & confused off and on. And light-headed and my speech gets a bit slurred. My body feels sickly now and seems like I keep faltering to the right side which is the side that got hit.
But none of it is constantly unbearable. So that’s good! 😀
I’m so thankful it did not trigger my tmj pain condition. That tends to happen when my face or head gets hit/touched certain ways.
I still have to work.a.couple hours some.nights at the store but it’s sloww so it’s not too hard.
It feels like i.just want to lay in bed and sleep, it’s making me so exhausted and i.get over 12 hours of sleeep a lot now. It doesn’t help.
I have been thinking about loneliness and healing. I noticed sweet, simple memories help me.when I’m lonely. And I. Was thinking about the importance of living in the moment and creating new pleasant memories.
I have been having frequent flash backs just out of the blue, of things that happened previously. It’s sweet and pleasant to remember something happy that happened.
I was also thinking of someee other things that help ease loneliness.
1.) Helping people in any way, even simple ways like smiling at people, making eye contact, sharing inspiring quotes & pictures.
I often feel deeply connected with people and feel at One with all that is. I love this feeling. But I also tend to feel lonely sometimes and it can get severe, a kind of choking loneliness that feels it will never go and it doesn’t matter how many people are near me. It’s like a barrier nothing can break through. But it always goes eventually.
2.) Remember feelings come and go and can be delusional. Just because we feel very lonely doesn’t mean we are really alone or that no one likes us or we really have no one. There’s always hope.
3.) certain songs and quotes
4.) making plans for the future
5.) distractions, books, fun, healing activities, arts and crafts, writing
6.) if you’re physically alone and feeling lonely, use your physical alone-ness to do interesting things you can’t do as well with people around,reflect, ponder certain questions, learn new skills,meditate, read something you always wanted to read,listen to music …instead of dwelling on your loneliness or unhappiness being physically alone. As much as I love being around people, I realize it’s also good to be alone now and then so I can catch up on stuff I can’t do around people because it would be rude or they will disrupt me.
7.) reach out to people, write a message to someone you know or someone you meet online. Send someone a compliment or idea or feedback on a blog, fb status….
8.) pay close attention to your pets if you have them.
9.) Remember occasional loneliness is ok. And humans are social creatures. Parts of us need contact with people, we need friends to fulfill us in certain ways.
10.) learn to love your own company, think positive thoughts about yourself, focus on your good qualities, laugh out loud, don’t deny yourself pleasure
11.) Remember not to put your happiness on hold for “better” things to occur. Live now.
12.) Smile. 😀
My phone has been acting up. Soon I will be doing a master reset and lose all my files to see if that works and if not a new one is in order!
Luckily it’s insured! ;-D
Smile, loves,it gets better!!
“Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’
So I just did me some talkin’ to the sun
And I said I didn’t like the way he got things done
Sleepin’ on the job
Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’
But there’s one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me” ~ BJ Thomas
Xoxo Kim 😀
Until It Is Carved in Stone
(second photo not mine)
Hello darlings, I’m here to knock your socks off this lovely morning. It’s just after 12:00am. Yup! ;-D
Have you ever read a play called “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder? I have and it’s amazing. It’s beyond amazing. It was produced and published in 1938. It won the Pulitzer Prize.
It takes place in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s.
I first read it when I was twenty – six years old. And whoa am I so beyond pleased that I did. Thank You to Sarah Ban Breathnach for mentioning this play in her book “Simple Abundance”!!!! Sarah Ban Breathnach is another one who has one of the biggest impacts on me with her beautiful writing.
The play is about a young woman, Emily, who dies during childbirth. She’s twenty -six years old. It starts out when she’s a young girl and it’s all about her and her family and friends and all the people in their small village of Grover’s Corners. It’s so small everyone knows each other.
The girl dies at age twenty – six years and she “wakes up” in the afterlife where she meets again, all those who she has known during their living years. The girl, Emily, is freaked out, grieving, and just devastated that she lost her life and can never again have it back. She was always a happy girl with a wonderful life while she was alive, but just like most of us tend to do, she usually took most things for granted. Never stopping to just be and allow gratitude, wonder, and awe to surge through her at all the simple joys like the white fence surrounding her house, coffee, flowers, the way people look at each other, the simple ticking of clocks and folded laundry…
Other than people dying throughout the play, the play is extremely uneventful and has received criticism for that fact but the very essence of being uneventful is the whole point of the play. It is the heart, the gut of it, if you will.
Mr. Wilder intended to show people through his wonderful play, how beautiful, wondrous, amazing, lovely… life IS even when it’s so simple, monotonous, agonizing, and lacking in big events.
While this may seem like a play depicting an idealized view of American life, it actually is not. The message is that life is good while being painful, it’s heartbreaking but breathtakingly beautiful.
One character in the play, Simon Stimson, is a pivot of this message. He struggles with alcoholism and is known as the town drunk but he serves as a message to people . He is a tortured soul who constantly cries out for help but people refuse to help. They are steeped in denial and overlook his desperate pleads for help. He eventually dies by suicide. The message here is that society, friends, family, people….we ignore, deny, repress, overlook so much of life. Even when one of our own is desperately pleading, screaming out for a helping hand.
In the version I have, there is a beautiful forward by Donald Margulies.
Donald Margulies states, “You are holding in your hands a great American play. Possibly the great American play.”
He goes on to say if you have read this play many years ago, perhaps in school as a requirement for some class, you will greatly benefit by reading it again. But now, read it more mindfully, soak up the incredible message this play conveys. Draw on your own life, your own experiences to really receive the deep wisdom of this play.
Donald Margulies admits that he is envious of any person about to begin reading this play who has never read it previously. He loves this play passionately but reading it again isn’t the same as reading it for the first occasion, he says. But he is a teacher/professor and gets to watch others experience again and again which he loves.
The title of this play “Our Town,” itself, is a pivotal message. The town in the play, “Grover’s Corners” is a representation of human life everywhere. It can be extended to all of American life and beyond, all around our world. We are all human and we all share basic human traits no matter our culture, country, society, nationality, religion, skin color, sexual orientation, political views, experiences, gender, gender identity, ethnicity, opinions…
“Our Town”, as Margulies states, is a “microcosm of the human family…”. It is all towns. Everywhere. This play captures the universal experience of simply being alive.
Act III of this play is breathtaking. Mr. Margulies states that he was shattered by it and that is how I feel as well. Shattered then put back together once again but not without a few scars, a few breaks, a deep enthralling sense of enlightenment and compunction.
You know someone is a good teacher when that person can slap you with a truth so profound it brings you to a sense of ruin, leaves you with a sense of pudency, remorse for old ways, living and never knowing. But it’s good to have someone or something break you down to the bone, pierce you to the core, punch you in the gut , knocking the wind out of you, shatter you just to build you back up with a new sense of life, a new philosophy, a newfound strength, rebirth.
Let it rip your heart out, shatter it to pieces, almost beyond recognition then let it glue it back together and move you forward with some scars to remind you to be mindful of the wonders of being alive. The wonders we ignore, overlook, and slap in the face day by day.
Now I will leave you with some poignant quotes or lines out of this play.
In the play when the stage manager is interviewing one of the main characters, Mr. Webb, about their town, Mr. Webb says this:
“Very ordinary town, if you ask me. Little better behaved than most. Probably a lot duller. But our young people here seem to like it well enough. Ninety percent of ’em graduating from high school settle down right here to live-even when they’ve been away to college.”
Mr Webb: “…No ma’am, there isn’t much culture; but maybe this is the place to tell you that we’ve got a lot of pleasures of a kind here: We like the sun comin’ up over the mountain in the morning, and we all notice a good deal about the birds. We pay a lot of attention to them. And we watch the change of the seasons; yes, everybody knows about them. But those other things – you’re right ma’am, – there ain’t much….”
When Emily died and found herself in the afterlife she insisted on looking back at her previous life. The other dead people strongly advised against it as it would be too agonizing and despairing to see a life we once lived and can never , ever return to , but sweet, innocent Emily just had to see for herself. They urged her to choose an “unimportant” day as opposed to one she viewed as very important. One dead woman told her to choose the “least important” day of her life as it would be “important enough.” And it would still be incredibly painful.
Emily chose her 12th birthday.
Here are some things she said as she looked back, as if watching a movie.
Emily: “Oh, that’s the town I knew as a little girl. And look, there’s the old white fence that used to be around our house. Oh, I’d forgotten that! Oh, I love it so!…”
Emily:(softly, more in wonder than in grief.) “I can’t bear it. They’re so young and beautiful. Why did they ever have to get old? Mama, I’m here. I’m grown up. I love you all, everything. – I can’t look at everything hard enough.”
Emily: “Oh, Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me. Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I’m dead. You’re a grandmother, Mama. I married George Gibbs, Mama. Wally’s dead too. Mama, his appendix burst on a camping trip to North Conway. We felt terrible about it – don’t you remember? But, just for a moment now we’re all together. Mama, just for one moment we’re happy. Let’s look at one another. “
When asked if she was happy looking back, Emily responded, “No…I should have listened to you. That’s all human beings are! Just blind people!”
Here is what Simon, the suicide victim says after death to Emily:
“Yes, now you know. Now you know! That’s what it was to be alive. To move about in a cloud of ignorance; to go up and down trampling on the feelings of those…of those about you. To spend and waste time as though you had a million years. To be always at the mercy of one self – centered passion, or another. Now you know- that’s the happy existence you wanted to go back to. Ignorance and blindness. “
Emily:
“Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover’s Corners….Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking….and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths….and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it–every,every minute?
Stage Manager: No. (pause) The saints and poets, maybe they do some.”
Think back to days in your life, maybe a birthday, a holiday, a special event, a graduation, a wedding….what was important to you then? The perfect napkin patterns? The perfect gift? Being a perfect entertainer? Spending a certain amount of money? Looking good? Getting gifts?
What was really, truly important? Napkin patterns and “perfect” gifts? Or looking into each other’s eyes. Really looking. Hugs. Warm embraces. Really tasting that hot tea or coffee. Looking up at the sky and feeling awe surge through you. Genuine friendships. Tucking your kids into bed. Really listening as we speak to each other. Stopping to see the flowers, to feel the sunlight, to hear the cars on the expressway, the birds chirping, to feel the warm blankets at night. Cuddling with your fur friends. To smell the honeysuckle and the roses and the warm cookies baking, to feel the rain on our skin , the soil beneath us.
Think of any “ordinary” day. What about clocks ticking? What about the refrigerator buzzing? What about the cars parked on your street? What about the concrete beneath your feet? What about the feel of air on your skin? What about the walls in your house? The ones you look at every single day. Do you ever stop to notice them? Or are they so mundane you don’t give them a second thought? What about when you’re making your coffee or tea? The sugar and cream going into it? Look at that. Really. Just look. When you brush your teeth, get a shower, wash your hands, inhabit your body and your life. What if you died but were allowed, for a few minutes to look back on this life, wouldn’t you miss all this? Miss it ALL with a passion so potent it can knock the stars and the sun into oblivion?
It’s not just the big things, the holidays, the birthdays, the weddings, babies, and graduations. It’s not just the pretty things, the sky, flowers, sun, butterflies and birds. It’s everything. All of life. The cars screeching in the streets, getting out of bed. Walking, driving to work, standing in lines, paying bills, stress. Wouldn’t you miss all that?
What if your life changes dramatically? What if someone dies on you? What if you are stricken with a long term illness or chronic pain disorder? What if a close family member or friend, a pet becomes terminally ill? What if you become paralyzed tomorrow or something else drastic happens and your life doesn’t look like this anymore? Oh, how you would long for the mundane, your old monotonous ways, your old stress and concerns.
It’s too late for them, but not for us. We are still alive. Still so blessed with this gift. THIS life.
And now with this awareness.
We can wake up and do all the things alive people can do. You can die at any second whether or not you realize or believe it.
Isn’t Thornton brilliant? Isn’t he still touching people long after his own death with this wonderful play? His beautiful, profound message?
You can die right now.
So what are you waiting for? Stop reading this and go make eye contact. Go smile at a stranger. Go embrace someone. Go look up at the sky. Hold hands. Sit in a warm, cozy cafe with a friend and truly listen. Go listen to people. Listen to what they say. Listen to what they don’t say. Take advantage of your senses, of being alive, Share a banana split with your mom, sister, or best friend, hold a door for someone and really want to, buy someone coffee or tea, And if you plan on getting married, forget about the napkins if they don’t turn out right, if you plan on celebrating the holidays, forget the “perfect ” material gift. The true gift is your presence and your love and care.
I am a blessed girl. Truly.
Now.
Xoxo Kim.
P.s. And oh, yes, go read “Our Town” please. Ty
“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day, I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion
“There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” ~ Alexander Woollcott
“Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.” – Rosalind Russell
“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by
And I rush through another day
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me
But I just look the other way
They roll by just like water
And I guess we never learn
Go through life parched and empty
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers)
” Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.” ~ Robert Browning
Hopelessness – a gift?
This, here, post is another one about the book I read called “Learning from the Heart” by Dr. Gottlieb, a Temple University graduate of Psychology. He is a psychologist who specializes in family therapy and addiction and was the director of a program in Philadelphia. His book is a book of lessons learned in his life.
Dr. Gottlieb was in a tragic accident when he was 33 years old. His life was going very well, he was married with two little girls and a great therapy practice going when one morning he got into his car and saw a black object flying into his windshield. He later woke up in a hospital to find that he is paralyzed for the rest of his life. He was in that hospital for one year. He struggles with quadriplegia. People with this condition suffer with recurrent and permanent infections as a result of the paralysis. He is permanently paralyzed at the chest and down.
Dr. Gottlieb, at first, had much difficulty accepting his condition and wanted to die by suicide.
This experience taught him how to view Hopelessness in a different way than we usually think of “hopelessness.”. What do you think of when you hear the word “hopeless?”. Desperation? Despair? Giving up?, Misery, …
There is another way to look at a “hopeless” situation. As a gift. Hopelessness itself can be a true gift. It can give us the liberty to move on or move forward with the life we currently have instead of desperately clinging to something we do not currently have and may never have and missing out on right now lusting after or longing for something else.
Shortly after this accident, Dr. Gottlieb made the decision to live for two years and then see if he were able to go on living. He hoped that something would change dramatically.
It may sound good & pleasant that he had hope. But this false hope was actually a hindrance to him. It was imprisoning him,not allowing him to live in the now, in the present moment, it would not allow him to embrace his current life. All he could do was “hope” for things that would never happen, then he would be happy.
He hoped he would walk again. With quadriplegia that’s not possible, ever. He hoped his infections would cease to exist. With quadriplegia, that’s not possible.
Dr. Gottlieb is Jewish but he seems, by what I read, to be somewhat secular or a free-thinker and doesn’t really have a definite concept of any sort of god.
He wrote this “At the end of two years, I took myself into the bedroom and I had a deep, reflective conversation with…well, I don’t know. God? My god? My own truth? Anyway, the conversation went something like this: ‘Okay, I will live with it if you give me hope that one day I’ll walk.’ And what I heard back was, ‘Nope. No hope. Live or die. Make your choice.’. So I said, ‘Give me hope that I won’t be so sick.’. (My health was so fragile – I just wanted some assurance that I would feel stronger and be able to fight off infections.). And I got the same answer. ‘Either live with it or don’t. It’s not going to change.’ For every request, I got the same answer.”
After the two years was up, Dr. Gottlieb had to make a choice. Live or die. He lost hope that he would ever walk again. He lost hope that he would stop getting sick with infections.
And he chose life.
If he kept up the hope that something physical would change, he would have missed out on this life now in hopes of a “better” tomorrow.
But he chose now. Hopelessness gave him the gift of Now.
This is a very different and very beautiful way of looking at hopelessness. When we become hopeless about something we want, we let go. Not let go of life. But let go of lusting after what may or may not come in the future. Embrace now. Cherish now. Love now.
Dr. Gottlieb still struggles, he writes, but he realizes how beautiful life is now and he loves his beautiful life.
There have been so many days I have lost, hoping for something better, wishing for more in the future and I let now slip away. But when I let go, I make room in my heart for this life I live Now.
Is there anything you are holding onto? A hope for something that you’re clinging to that is not letting you live now?
“I’ll be happy when I lose 5 pounds….”
“I’ll be happy when I find the love of my life…”
“I’ll be happy when I have a better job….”
“I’ll be happy when I become rich….”
“I’ll be happy when I have kids, when I get married, when I don’t have to work anymore, when I graduate college, when…”
Why not be happy now?! You can still work for things but it’s best not to let it destroy your serenity and love right now.
“Normal day, let me be aware
of the treasure that you are.
let me learn from you, love you,
bless you before we depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest
of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
let me hold you while I may,
for it may not be always so. One day
I shall dig my nails into the earth,
or bury my face in the pillow,
or stretch myself tart,
or raise my hands
to the sky and want, more
than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion
“You know the future’s lookin’ brighter
Every morning’ when i get up
Don’t be thinkin’ ’bout what’s not enough,now baby
Just be thinkin’ ’bout what we got
think of all my love, now
I’m gonna give you all I got” ~ Eddie Money (Baby Hold On)
“It’s not that I don’t want a lot
Or hope for more, or dream of more
But giving thanks for what I’ve got
Makes me so much happier than keeping score
In a world that can bring pain
I will still take each chance
For I believe that whatever the terrain
Our feet can learn to dance
Whatever stone life may sling
We can moan or we can sing
Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful” ~ John Bucchino. (Grateful)
“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by
And I rush through another day
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me
But I just look the other way
They roll by just like water
And I guess we never learn
Go through life parched and empty
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers)
Xoxo Kim
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’ – One Year <3
“What I am well that’s what I am.
I tell you, baby,
That’s just enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper
“I choose to fight back! I choose to rise, not fall! I choose to live, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also within you.” ~ (Mayor John Pappas, City Hall movie quote)
Hello, lovelies,
Here is something I can’t believe I’m writing today. I never thought I would live to see today.
Never in my wildest dreams. I feel a tingling in my wrists.
Almost everyone who knows me knows of my super long battle with severe, suicidal depression. I have suffered with long term mild/moderate depression for much of my life with recurrent severe, despairing, debilitating long episodes of depression on top of that. Day after day, year after year. It was not truly everyday. It would go away now & again & I would be truly happy. But it would always return.
Many days I even had great self esteem, I liked myself, loved myself even, had no problems, everything was beautiful. I had passions & interests. But I wanted to be dead. Then it would go away & I would be happy, sometimes for months then it would be back, maybe for days, maybe for months before happiness would return.
Telling people doesn’t faze me. When I’m currently dangerously suicidal I don’t tell people usually, out if fear of being put away.
But I will tell people about the vicious darkness that has consumed me. And I will tell people about Hope & Healing.
I’m not embarrassed by this disease and it’s not pretty but I won’t conceal it. I spent hours upon hours a day for many years just fantasizing about ending my life, then happiness, then despair again, I have come so close on many occasions when fear would stop me, fear that it wouldn’t work and I would just be sick, injured, or paralyzed…
Some days I would be happy but still have hours of despair in the middle. And sometimes for weeks/months, I had no depression at all.
I am generally very happy. But I still struggle with the severe episodes. Not as frequently or as long usually But they still occur.
But today is October 1st. My last serious/semi serious suicidal thought/urge was one year ago, October 2012. I cannot remember the exact day. But I know it was in October. Since then I have experienced excruciating episodes of despair, depression, sometimes, But I kept hope alive. Knowing it will end and the sun will rise again.
I have been struggling for the last few days, feeling an episode coming on. I learned to usually detect impending episodes and be able to prevent a full blown one by monitoring and consciously changing my thinking and actions.
But it’s so hard. I keep feeling suicidal thoughts trying to emerge, not just brief, fleeting ones, but ones that I will begin to entertain and dwell on. Over a year ago they would have taken over by now. But somehow now I am managing keeping them at bay.
I know some of my triggers but it’s not always triggered by something necessarily, sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.
Last night while I laid it bed, I wanted to let it just have me, have its way with me and succumb to depression and those suicidal thoughts trying to creep into me. It takes energy and motivation that I just don’t always have or feel like working on. Sometimes I don’t even want to.
This is more than just a low mood but it’s not a full blown episode. This is like what I often had before, not depression but almost. I still haven’t had one of those suicidal thoughts. Something keeps me going. I keep feeling so hopeful then hopeless then hopeful then hopeless. Then hopeful again.
I keep telling myself after all this, I won’t let myself succumb. One year is a big accomplishment for me. Those thoughts and urges were so much an integral part of me for well over a decade, off and on, that it’s incredible to think I finally lived a year without them coming & going. And because of work I did for myself. This thing has symptoms that must be managed just like other illnesses. It flares up every now & then. It comes & goes. But less than it used to.
Ever since I was a young girl I kept wishing over and over and over that I could go one year without those suicidal thoughts & urges returning but I never saw it happening. Until now. Yup, mind=blown. Lol
Depression, suicide contemplation are traumatic. All of it. Even recovery or remission is traumatic. It’s weird. It’s beautiful. It’s freaky. It’s unfathomable. Not having those thoughts day in and day out for months.
And I never get used to it. Every second of every day, almost, I realize how amazing it is to not only be alive but to actually want to be alive. To be happy in general. To have a strong will and desire to live.
I am overwhelmed. When I’m in immense physical pain or sickness and it goes away, I have this amazing feeling, a conscious awareness of not being sick or in pain. But after a while I usually go back to no longer being aware of it, consciously. I get used to it again.
But not this.
This, this never gets old. Not being in an almost constant state of depression, not having thoughts and urges to kill myself everyday all throughout the day, it never gets old. Even after a year, I am almost always conscious of it.
So much zest. So much life. So much passion. This is how it would always be when my depression would lift before coming back but now happiness is more frequent.
I still get depressed. But in general, I am the happiest girl in the whole USA! Lol ;-D
So much hope.
Pain is real. But so is hope.
I want anyone who is feeling hopeless about anything at all whether it’s something seemingly serious or something which seems trivial to know that thoughts and feelings and perspectives change. It may take work and it may not change right this second but you won’t be sad forever. Hold on, you got this.
Look where I was & look where I am. Look at me now! 😀
“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack
Go on, take chances. Live. Love. Maybe loving will be a mistake and you will be crushed, abandoned, rejected, ignored, devastated, not loved back…but love anyway. Live anyway.
Love doesn’t ask for changes, it doesn’t ask for favors or to be loved back, love doesn’t demand someone to think or feel or act a certain way. Love simply loves.
“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. ” ~ Norman Vincent Peale.
“I am 99.9% sure it will never get better. But it’s the 0.1% that keeps me going. ” ~ Unknown
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill
“If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane” ~ Jimmy Buffett
“Come Monday, it’ll be alright.” ~ Jimmy Buffett. (Jimmy Buffett mentioned that he wrote this song in a C.A. Hotel room when he was suicidal and it saved his life.& I am so thankful. ❤ .)
“For all those who don’t feel as old as they are and never will
I rounded first never thought of the worst
As I studied the shortstops position
Crack went my leg like the shell of an egg
Someone call a decent physician
Im no pete rose, I can’t pretend
Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones don’t bend
Im growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead” ~Jimmy Buffett
“Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere
I could pay off my tab
Pour myself in a cab and be back to work before 2
At a moment like this, I can’t help but wonder
What would Jimmy Buffett do?
Jimmy Buffett spoken:
Funny you should ask, Alan
I’d say
Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
He don’t care
And I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere
Jimmy: What time zone am I on?
What country am I in?
Alan: It doesn’t matter
It’s five o’clock somewhere
Jimmy: It’s always on five in Margaritaville, come to think of it
Alan: I heard that
Jimmy: You’ve been there haven’t you?
Alan: Yes, Sir
Jimmy: I’ve seen your boat there
Alan: I’ve been to Margaritaville a few times
Jimmy: All right.
That’s good
Alan: Stumbled my way back
Jimmy: OK Just want to make sure you can keep it between the
navigational beacons
Alan: Between the buoys.
I got it
Jimmy: All right.
It’s five o’clock.
Let’s go somewhere
Alan: I’m ready.
Crank it up
Jimmy: Let’s get out of here
Alan: I’m gone” ~ Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett
This song never fails to uplift me.
And this one:
“Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do
You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth
If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there
I’ve been deep down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different deamons breathin’ fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled I’d fall right into the trap
That they were layin’
But the good news is there’s angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin’ out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one’s that you’ve been draggin’ for so long
You’re on your knees might as well be prayin’
Guess what I’m sayin’
If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going” Rodney Atkins
“I may be lonely but I’m never alone.” ~ Alice Cooper
” I fearlssly walk into battle
With a shine on my boots and my teeth
Never flinch, never blink, never rattle
My blood is like ice underneath
Oh, I’m the reincarnation of patten
And I’ve got Hannibal’s heart in my chest
God told me I would have rivaled
Alexander the great at his best.” ~ Alice Cooper
”
But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
Some lovin’,
And TV, yeah.
And that’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
Well that’s enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper
Good day to you all.
P.s. This auto correct on my phone is more insane than I am, constantly changing words to weird things, even changing words to completely different words & bizarre symbols out of nowhere and spelling correct words incorrectly. Luckily I usually catch it before hitting send but occasionally I don’t and am embarrassed if I am writing to someone I don’t know well. The worst is when it changes a word to a different version. It changes “their” to “they’re” so embarrassing! Lol. It recently changed “unfazed” to “phased”! Seriously?! Shit’s off the walls! Thanks auto correct! Thanks a lot, I just love being mortified! It wrote this one day “jesus_20267475.html”. I saved it to show people. Lol I wrote some ordinary word and auto correct deleted it and wrote that thing! Whhhaatt?! Yup, my phone has lost its marbles! I guess we’re made for each other.
;-D. Remember, when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
Blue skies ahead.
Hope lives here.
A Dose of Inspiration 